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"LAZY" - an ugly false label. Can anyone relate?

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I used to work 40 hours a week. I took pride in that. A lot of pride. I did this for 10 years.

And I know I'm not supposed to care too much about what other people think of me---- but------ there's one tiny speck in that equation that is an undeniable hot button for me personally. I fear being perceived as lazy because I don't work and I'm on Medicaid and getting government aid. No one is outright saying "you lazy ass" but who knows if they're thinking it. Just some background: I live in a huge house with my aunt and uncle and my cousin and his fiancee. I had to move here when I had 42 tcells last year  and nearly died twice due to "unexplained weakness" (as stated in the hospital paperwork)

A penny for your thoughts, as the saying goes (although I predict I'll value most of the responses much much more than a penny!)

In a way, this can sort of tie into the whole "HIV+ is now a manageable condition" ... I have mixed feelings about that viewpoint. I'd say it's more manageable now than before. Doctors don't know the long-term ramifications of HAART. It's too new. HIV/AIDS is one of the most devastating realities this world has ever seen. My brain right now is cluttered with 10,000 thoughts. I better stop typing.  :-\

Thank you

Alex I have thought about what the future holds for all of us.   I feel the way our bodies handles the virus is different for different people.   Whatever YOU need to do to make your life work is perfectly acceptable.  Now for what the bystanders are saying.  SCREW EM!   I am scared to death of not being able to do what I do.  I continue to work two jobs at 80 hours a week..  It keeps my mind off of THIS..  If I am not active I feel I will just die..  Who is to say you will be on medicaid forever??  How bout just today? Ah?

Love & Support!!!!

I am struggling with a situation similar to this.  I used to work 80hours a week and work was my life, it led to a SERIOUS flameout and contributed to my aquisition of this virus.  Since my burnout and diagnoses I am seriously lacking in the motivation department and can only go in spurts, 3 mos here and 3 mos there followed by months of just making it to 5 oclock and the weekends.  As far as how others percieve me, I do worry about this alot as I am employed by my parents and have been for 6 years, but I know the other employess all see the preferential treatment I get sometimes.  Their viewpoints of me troubles me to say the least.  It leads to a bad cycle and what I have lovingly referred to as my "funk".  I get in a funk and it takes me SOME time to get out of it.  Most times it feels like HIV is just a crutch and maybe its a MAJOR character flaw in me personally, maybe its the sustiva not letting me SLEEP that leads to this depression like state, maybe its the ADD i have and the fact medicine may be altering my concentration level even more.... but when I start to make these claims they feel like excuses and makes me feel even WORSE....  CHRIST I RAMBLED! 

Alex, do whatcha gotta do man, you are the one on this ride NOT THEM.  And when you turn around and look behind you on this roller coaster we are on, Im the one with his arms in the air screaming like a friggin madman the whole way, uttering over and over "LETS DO IT AGAIN!"

This is a very good topic for discussion, Alex.   It's something I have had 'issues' with myself.   I have worked all my life, and suddenly AIDS took that away from me.   Thankfully, I was able to begin part-time work (I went back to work in 1999 and have worked ever since at something!) and this gives me a reason to get up in the mornings, and a way to interact with other people on a daily basis.   Some days, it is tough for me to even make it through my 6 hours, but the hardest part for me is getting up in the morning and getting moving; once I do that, it is downhill for me, mostly.

Also, an issue for me is that working takes "everything I've got", there is no energy left over to do things most people take for granted, like cooking and cleaning.   Also, a related issue for me is the stress of keeping my health issues 'secret', since no one at work is aware of my status.   They know I am on disability, but they think it is for my Congestive Heart Failure; this is partially true, but in a way it is a lie by 'omission'.    The stress of keeping up that charade is taking a toll on me, and no one in my family or my negative friends seem to understand why that has such an impact on me.

I grumble and complain, but the last thing at night before I go to sleep, I thank God/the Universe for giving me my life back.   I can very well remember being afraid to go to sleep, because I thought I would die during the night.  If anyone had told me then that I would be able to get up and go back to work in ANY capacity, I would have thought I was dreaming.   So I am deeply grateful for the blessings I have, just being able to live a somewhat 'normal' life -- even if nothing feels very NORMAL for me!    Life is good, and at the end of the day for me to be able to say "thank you" is enough.

With love,

Donīt feel lazy. That is why human beings live in society: to help each other. That is how social security works: when you loose your job, when you are sick...yo recieve the help you need from the people taht are in a better situation than you and contribute to the social security.
The same happens with retirement plans or insurances. If your house burns down to ashes the insurance company will pay for it with the money of other customers that still have their homes intact.
We are here to help each other. If not this would be the law of the jungle.
Or at least that is how we see it in Europe. Think you have been contributing to society with your taxes for as far as you could. Now its time to recieve from them.
Enjoy it!


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