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Author Topic: Help!!!! I haven't slept in a week  (Read 3309 times)

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Offline no more

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Help!!!! I haven't slept in a week
« on: February 29, 2008, 03:51:35 PM »
Hello all and thank you beforehand for your time.

I am a heterosexual, married  male and a week ago I had my first sexual encounter with a male prostitute. He was 19 years old and told me that he had only been doing this for two months and was tested negative for HIV in December. Nevertheless, I used condoms throughout the encounter and tried to practice what I believe is safe sex. However, after everything happenned I began to recount every detail  and began to second guess myself and think that I could have been exposed and would like to know if you think I am at risk and should be tested.

1.  In order to get an erection the other person had to masturbate himself before putting the condom on. There was no precum or ejaculation during the time he was doing this. I performed oral sex on him while he had the condom on. He did not come while I gave him oral sex. However, his penis was uncircumcised, and if by chance he had any semen residue inside the foreskin or on the outside of his penis from a prior sexual encounter with another person could this then have gotten onto his hand when he was stroking himself to get an erection and then transferred to the outside of the condom and then into my mouth thereby putting me at risk?

2. After I performed oral sex on him for a few minutes and he did not come he kept the same condom on and put water based jelly lubricant on it and inserted it into my rectum. Since it hurt he withdrew it immediately after about 3 thrusts. Here he did not ejaculate either. However, my doubt is the same as above...could any possible semen residue from a prior sexual encounter he had with another person and  still remaining on the condom after I gave him oral sex have put me at risk?

3. With the same condom still on I put lubricant on his penis and condom and masturbated him until he came. I then removed my hand after he came but before his penis became soft and any semen leaked out. However, if I did not remove my hand quickly enough and a very minor amount of semen did leak out and get onto my hand for how long could this semen be infectious?  The skin on my hand is healthy without cuts, scrapes, etc.. We then laid in the bed for a couple/three minutes and then went to wash up.

4. In the bathroom he removed his condom and threw it in the toilet. Then he put his hand on the shower handle and left some lubricant residue on it. I don't know if that residue had any semen on it. He then washed with soap and water in the shower.

5. I then stepped into the shower by myself and put my hand on the shower handle. I then put both of my hands under running cold water for a few seconds and used the same bar of common hotel soap  that he had used. I rubbed the soap between my hands until it had enough lather on it then washed my genital area and then inserted  my finger in my rectum to wash around. Is it possible that any semen residue he may have left on the soap have survived all of this and then I unwittingly inserted it into my rectum and put myself a risk? Can HIV survive being exposed to air and cold water and common soap?

6. He could have left semen on the shower floor. After he left I took a full body shower with cold water and another bar of soap. I again put soap lather into my rectum. Could the HIV enter through the bottom of my feet?

Three days later I ate greasy fast food (burger king) and later that night I had diarrhea for the next 24 hours. I took some imodium and eventually it went away but after reading on the internet that diarrhea could be a symptom of HIV infection I freaked out.

All in all, was I at risk? Does my situation merit getting tested?

I have not been able to sleep for a week.

Offline thunter34

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  • His name is Carl.
Re: Help!!!! I haven't slept in a week
« Reply #1 on: February 29, 2008, 04:01:58 PM »
Apologies, but.....HOLY COW.

Man.  You really have not had ANY education about HIV transmission, have you?

First off:  Get some sleep, dude.  You are so far above "safe" here, it's ridiculous.  You absolutely could NOT have gotten infected through this encounter.  No how - no way.

You are negative.

Now:  I insist that you go to the top of this page and click on the LESSONS section of this site and read up on how HIV is really transmitted.  You owe it to yourelf (and your spouse, come to think of it) to do so NOW. 

You had safe sex.  You were not at risk at all.

Still, your level of anxiety and your obvious lack of understanding of transmission warrants a thorough reading of the Lessons. 

You did good this time.  Read up to make sure you always know the real score.

Actually, here's the Lessons link: 



« Last Edit: February 29, 2008, 04:03:46 PM by thunter34 »
AIDS isn't for sissies.

Offline Andy Velez

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Re: Help!!!! I haven't slept in a week
« Reply #2 on: February 29, 2008, 04:10:44 PM »
I just want to reinforce what Tim has told you. Yours was an incident totally without risk for HIV transmission.

Before you even read our lesson on transmission I would say you need to take a couple of deep and slow breaths in and out and slow down, buddy. What you have written reads to me as a lot of anxiety about having strayed and having sex with another guy, and additionally that it was a sex worker.

OK. You're a dawg like a lot of us and you went straying. You can't undo that bit of your personal history. The good news is you didn't do anything that put you at risk for transmission. But a guilty conscience doesn't pay any attention to that reality. Take some more breaths, see what you did, take a breath and let it go.

You may not be planning to do it again. But just in case, just make sure that if you do and you have anal intercourse, whoever is the insertive partner must always wear a latex condom.

This time out you have no cause for concern nor any need for HIV testing.

Andy Velez

Offline no more

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Re: Help!!!! I haven't slept in a week
« Reply #3 on: February 29, 2008, 10:43:00 PM »

First of all, thanks for the prompt reply. And my apologies for writing such a long post. I just wanted to be as thorough as possible so that you could give me your best expert opinion.

Tim - As you suggested, I read the complete lessons page. Please excuse my ignorance...like you said, I'd not had ANY education on the subject other than basic common sense to use latex condoms. Truly a very complete web page...so thanks to all of you who took the time to put this together.

By the way, I do have herpes but I understand the risk for someone with herpes is that if you have a lession on the skin it could be a point of entry for the virus. That is, not  simply because you have herpes are you at higher risk. There has to be a break in the skin.....right?

I also received and e-mail from you all about someone (RND CHR - recent sexual encounter - 12/28/07) that had a sexual partner rub his precum around his anus and you also told him that he was not at risk.  If this is the case, then is it safe to conclude that although precum can contain sufficient quantities of the virus to infect, it has to go from inside one body directly to the inside of another body as it says in your reply to him?? In other words, ANY exposure to air instantly renders the virus' infectious caracteristics worthless????

Andy - You are right....a guilty conscience can get the mind spinning and creating all kinds of worst case scenarios.

Thanks again for providing this service. I had a very dark week but the sun came out again after your reply.

best regards,
no more

Offline thunter34

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Re: Help!!!! I haven't slept in a week
« Reply #4 on: February 29, 2008, 11:39:31 PM »

No worries, man.  Reading up and getting educated is the name of the game.  Now...about your current questions. 

First, the herpes lesion risk thing:  The "lesion as point of entry" thing sounds more like what we'd call a "theoretical risk".  Perhaps  if you had a really bad lesion - really open skin - and then perhaps  if someone came gushing over that lesion with whole bunches of blood (if, ahem...perhaps  that person also happened to really be HIV positive) then perhaps  that might create a situation for transmission.  Theoretically.

Did you know that when you walk outside, you could be killed by a small meteorite that had travelled through fantastic lengths of time and space only to crush you on the noggin?  It could happen...theoretically.

Are you feeling my vibe here?  Theoretical risks are pretty flimsy compared to "real world" risks.  Unprotected sex counts as a real world risk.  The lesion thing...not so much.

I'm a little unclear on this line:

I also received and e-mail from you all about someone

I'll leave that last part for someone else to respond to in greater detail, but the short version is:  Yes, the transmission needs to occur within the body.

Hope that helps.

AIDS isn't for sissies.

Offline no more

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Re: Help!!!! I haven't slept in a week
« Reply #5 on: March 01, 2008, 02:15:35 AM »

When I wrote "I also received and e-mail from you all about someone...."  I was referring to an  e-mail I received that contained a link (http://forums.poz.com/index.php?topic=18046.0) to a posting describing a scenario similar to one of mine. At first I thought that I had received the mail from one of you all. However, I think that I probably sent it to myself when I was in my state of panic and didn't realize it.  Therefore, please disregard my comment. My questions have been answered.



Offline no more

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Re: Help!!!! I haven't slept in a week
« Reply #6 on: March 17, 2008, 05:04:47 AM »

I am freakin out here again. I know you said that my encounter was absolutely NO RISK. However, I would like your opinion on the following:

My encounter was on 2-21-08. On 2-23-08 I had sexual intercourse with my wife and did not use a condom. On 3-13-08 my wife came down with flu-like symptoms and what appears to be a viral infection. She says that she has "NEVER felt this bad before". Symptoms are flu-like with  constant coughing, body aches as a result of the coughing, runny nose, congested chest. No nausea but she says that sometimes she feels like vomiting the mucous she has accumulated inside. No fever, no diarreah (actually she's been kind of constipated most of the time), no rash, glands are fine. She drinks a lot of fluids. I took her to the hospital and they did a chest x-ray and sinus cavity x-ray. They said both x-rays look fine and that it is definitely not a bacterial infection but more than likely a virus infection of some sort. They also did a blood test (not an HIV test) and said that everything is fine. She has been taking all kinds of antibiotics but she has not gotten better. This has been going on for about 4 days now.

Coincidentally, 2 of my young daughters had similar symptons in the past two weeks (one after the other and now my wife).

The reason I am worried once again is that my wife's symptoms appeared about 3 weeks after we had unprotected sex. Three weeks being the magic number for the average time it takes for people to shows HIV infection symptoms. Is this just a coincidence?

Anyways, I am freaking out here again and would like your expert opinion on this matter.  From reading your tutorial, I cannot find these exact symptoms as being part of the list that most people describe as the most common symptoms associated with HIV infection. However, a virus can affect different people in diifferent ways.

Thanks beforehand

Offline Matty the Damned

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Re: Help!!!! I haven't slept in a week
« Reply #7 on: March 17, 2008, 05:14:08 AM »
This situation has nothing to with HIV and I can assure you that the symptoms your wife describes are in no way indicative of HIV infection.


Offline Andy Velez

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Re: Help!!!! I haven't slept in a week
« Reply #8 on: March 17, 2008, 08:02:36 AM »
This is more of your mind in guilt mode working overtime, all to no good purpose and with absolutely no basis in HIV science. You need to come to peace with having strayed. You can't undo that bit of your personal history.

Once again, nothing you did put you at risk for HIV transmission. Take a good deep breath, see what you did and let it go. If you can't do that then I suggest you see a counselor or other professional to discuss this. This is not an HIV situation. Period. End of story.
Andy Velez

Offline no more

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Re: Help!!!! I haven't slept in a week
« Reply #9 on: March 17, 2008, 12:42:47 PM »
Thanks again Matty and Andy.

Offline LiveWithIt

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Re: Help!!!! I haven't slept in a week
« Reply #10 on: March 17, 2008, 01:18:47 PM »
Stop worrying. Even a one time unsafe sex session with an HIV positive person does not guarantee that the virus will be passed.
Pray God you can cope
I know you have a little life in you yet.
I know you have a lot of strength left.

Offline Andy Velez

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Re: Help!!!! I haven't slept in a week
« Reply #11 on: March 17, 2008, 01:30:22 PM »
Live With It, only those who are authorized by the site are supposed to answer questions in this section.

While your motive was well intentioned it is not one that's in line with how we respond here. Please don't do it again.

Thanks for your cooperation.
Andy Velez


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