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Author Topic: Pretty Sure I'm Postive  (Read 2120 times)

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Offline devistated

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Pretty Sure I'm Postive
« on: February 25, 2008, 09:32:49 AM »
 Well my story is embarrassing and depressing. I feel like I'm living in my own worst nightmare that I created. Basically when I was pregnant with my first child, I opted NOT to have the HIV test done. Yes, STUPID STUPID STUPID. But at the time I figured, what's the point? I haven't been overly promiscuous, I've only had a few serious boyfriends, and have never done intravenous drugs. I just didn't feel like I was at risk. I lived a very sheltered life and wasn't ever informed much on HIV...I didn't even know that you could keep it from transmitting to the fetus! 7 months later I got pregnant again, and again did NOT have the HIV test.

 Well, here we are 5 years later and I am having HIV symptoms. I have horrible folliculitis all over my body (mostly on my face), I have what appears to be an oral wart on the inside or my lip, mouth ulcers from time to time. And little red spots all over my skin. My children also are showing symptoms. They have, for the most part, been healthy children and infants. But they have both had a few bouts of pneumonia (the doctor attributed that to asthma). And every time they have a bacterial infection it usually takes two rounds of antibiotics to clear it up. My 4 year old has been battling impetigo for the last few weeks (red flag!) and now my 5 year old is showing signs of possible pneumonia again.

 I'm trying to arrange for an HIV test today. I'm SO scared! I'm married and my husband (who is asymptomatic at this point) says that whatever the outcome he will still love and support me. But the thought of living the rest of my life having to give myself (and the children) meds on a daily basis, seems horrifying. And I've been in a severe depression for the last four days because *I* created this! If my children have HIV/AIDS it's ALL MY FAULT and I can't believe that I failed to do the most basic thing that I could to protect these precious little guys. What kind of mother am I!?

If anyone has ever been in this situation I'd appreciate hearing. But I know that most women have the sense to test before they give birth, so my situation is rare I think.

Offline Andy Velez

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Re: Pretty Sure I'm Postive
« Reply #1 on: February 25, 2008, 09:55:20 AM »
I'm glad you have found your way to our site. Your situation is not as unusual as you may think. 

Your various "symptoms" notwithstanding, you do need to get tested and clarify what your HIV status is. One way or another that will put you in the best position to take care of your health. You can get a reliable result by getting tested at 13 weeks past the most recent unprotected incident. From what you have written I'm supposing that means you could get tested anytime now.

You don't have to wait until you feel up to testing. You can go in there quaking and scared. Just get it done. And I will add that despite all of your fears and the various symptoms you have described, including those of your children, there is nothing you are reporting which points conclusively to HIV.

So stop the worrying and wondering and get tested.

Good luck with your test and keep us posted.

Andy Velez

Offline devistated

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Re: Pretty Sure I'm Postive
« Reply #2 on: February 25, 2008, 10:17:55 AM »
The local health department is really irritating me. I called on Friday about the testing (they advertise that it's walk in hours on that day). They were pretty rude and said that it's NOT walk in testing anymore (how nice of them to change the the times and not notify the public) and that I should call back on Monday (today). I called today around 9 am and they said to call back around 9:30, so I did. The lady said that the nurse who does the testing will not be in until TOMORROW. Uggh!

Thank you so much for your response. It made me cry. I don't have ANYONE to talk to about this (except my husband and it's driving him crazy hearing about it).  I still have a little hope that the result could be negative. But I feel in my heart that it will be postive.

Offline Snowangel

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Re: Pretty Sure I'm Postive
« Reply #3 on: February 25, 2008, 10:36:48 AM »
Hi Devistated-
I am sorry to hear you having such a hard time getting tested because I know the anxiety you are feeling right now and you just want to get it done and over.  Try to stop being so hard on yourself.  Like Andy said, make sure that you do get the test done and then you can go on from there.  I know you are not only worrying about yourself but your children too, now is the time to stay strong and focused and you will get through this, no matter what. 
Take care,
Snow
Of all the things you wear, your expression is the most important

The heaviest thing you can carry is a grudge..

One thing you can give and still keep...is your word.

One thing you can't recycle is wasted time.

Offline devistated

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Re: Pretty Sure I'm Postive
« Reply #4 on: February 25, 2008, 10:47:24 AM »
Thank you. I am so much more concerned about the kids than I am myself. The guilt that I am feeling (and that I will be feeling even more so if the results come back positive) is overwhelming.  I'm so beside myself that I spelled my "screen name" wrong! I meant it to be "devastated". ~sigh~ I don't know what my options are, but I wish that I could go somewhere and demand that myself (and the kids) be tested. Unfortunately we don't have health insurance, and that would cost a LOT of money.

Offline devistated

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Re: Pretty Sure I'm Postive
« Reply #5 on: February 27, 2008, 01:36:38 PM »
I have an appointment to be tested tomorrow morning. I will let you all know what the results are (they said I will know right away). It would be WONDERFUL if the results show up negative. But, I'm anticipating that they will be positive. And if they are, in fact positive, I am going to have A LOT of questions for you guys.

Offline Andy Velez

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Re: Pretty Sure I'm Postive
« Reply #6 on: February 27, 2008, 06:13:38 PM »
Good luck to you with your test tomorrow. We'll be pulling for you to test negative.

Cheers,
Andy Velez

Offline devistated

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  • Posts: 6
Re: Pretty Sure I'm Postive
« Reply #7 on: February 28, 2008, 01:09:13 PM »
I tested negative! :D I am so relieved... I've carried around this horrible fear that I was positive for about a year now. And it feels really great to get that monkey off my back. Thank you for all your kind words and support.

Offline Andy Velez

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Re: Pretty Sure I'm Postive
« Reply #8 on: February 28, 2008, 02:05:48 PM »
Congratulations! Obviously this is a great relief to you.

Get on with having a good life with your family.

Cheers,
Andy Velez

Offline devistated

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Re: Pretty Sure I'm Postive
« Reply #9 on: February 28, 2008, 02:17:57 PM »
Thank you so much Andy! ((hugs))

Offline Andy Velez

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Re: Pretty Sure I'm Postive
« Reply #10 on: February 28, 2008, 03:05:38 PM »
Ditto. Yah, that's really, REALLY good news to read! I'm very happy for you and your family.
Andy Velez

 


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