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Author Topic: How to disclose my HIV status to someone who is virtually a stranger?  (Read 9201 times)

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Offline DanielMark

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Background:

An old friend from high school recently looked me up online and e-mailed me. She lives in Toronto but is coming to Ottawa in a couple of weeks and wants to meet for dinner. Carole and I have not had any contact in about thirty years, so I although I am interested in getting together, it posed an unexpected new dilemma for me. How to disclose my HIV status to someone who is virtually a stranger now?

I couldnít imagine seeing her and avoiding discussing my life without the topic coming up, so, I decided to plunge headlong into it and just put it out there. As I remember her, I doubted she would have a problem with it, but I always prefer to be dismissed before making any kind of emotional investment in any new relationships if that's going to happen over my health status.

Here then, are the comical (to me) results.



Hello again Carole,
 
I am hesitating here a little. Donít get me wrong, Iím delighted you got in touch but there is something I think you ought to know before you decide if you still want to meet up for dinner. Hopefully, it won't be too much for you to handle, and if it is I will understand.

I just think itís fair that you know before you invest any time in renewing a friendship or decide not to, and I want this out in the open before things proceed any further. In the past it has led to some uncomfortable situations, to say the least.

Ready?

About 20 years ago I tested positive for HIV. I am in good health tho, and intend to keep that way for as long as possible. Neither my ex Ken nor my boyfriend Jimmy are. I have few friends who are in fact, and my close friends all know about it. Itís not something I would consider hiding any more than if I had diabetes or cancer.

um.  Thanks for letting me know but not understanding the issue here.

Sorry if that is a giant thing to toss on the table so soon, but it would be awkward trying to discuss my life with you without you knowing about that part.

Hope you understand what Iím trying to say.

sorry, really not understanding what you're trying to say...
Does that mean you don't eat out with straight people any more???


Attached: the most recent photo of me that I can tolerate, taken last summer by the Jimmy.

Daniel

You're looking pretty good, I'd say...   even unto hotness!  (ahem!)
(just 'cause I'm girly straight & married doesn't mean I can't recognise hotness when I see it!!  And come to think of it, I think it might be wise to hide your photo from a couple of my guy friends since you're attached.)


PPS: Donít worry about the bars. I gave them up with my crazy days of youth. *creak*

thank goodness!   We can creak together.

Anyhow, to be serious, I'm not entirely thick so I do understand and thank you for mentioning the hiv thing now so that I don't choke on my fettucini in shock, surprise and upsetness in the middle of a restaurant.

But it's not an issue, ok? 

So on with the planning!

Where are we going?  And when?  And do I get to meet Jimmy?

Carole ((more hugs))

p.s. I'm going to kill the shit-head who made you think that anyone wouldn't want to invest the "time in renewing a friendship" with someone who has hiv.
MEDS: REYATAZ & KIVEXA (SINCE AUG 2008)

MAY 2000 LAB RESULTS: CD4 678
VL STILL UNDETECTABLE

DIAGNOSED IN 1988

Offline dixieman

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Re: How to disclose my HIV status to someone who is virtually a stranger?
« Reply #1 on: August 07, 2007, 05:08:59 PM »
Question? why tell her anything? or bring it up about being hiv? enjoy dinner and seeing a good friend... I would reserve telling anyone unless your dealing with them day to day on a continual basis... thats just my perspective... Who knows she may have her own secrets that she is not willing to share... or bring up at dinner.

Offline Miss Philicia

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  • celebrity poster, faker & poser
Re: How to disclose my HIV status to someone who is virtually a stranger?
« Reply #2 on: August 07, 2007, 05:26:23 PM »
Well, when you haven't seen someone in 25 years a lot of questions come up... innocent ones of course, but depending on where you are at at present with your HIV it can or can not open up a can of worms.

Daniel, I've gone through the same thing and have done it one way or another at different times.  I became tired of saying I was a "consultant" and swinging the employment conversation in other directions, though I still pull that rabbit out at times mostly now only with friends of my parents I might run into in the grocery store.  (Though I did actually do consulting for a while so it's not hard to fake my way through that.)

Anyway, at least that one worked out well and you can enjoy dinner without it producing a panic attack.
"Iíve slept with enough men to know that Iím not gay"

Offline J.R.E.

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  • Joined Dec-2003 Living positive, since 1985.
Re: How to disclose my HIV status to someone who is virtually a stranger?
« Reply #3 on: August 07, 2007, 06:30:10 PM »
Question? why tell her anything? or bring it up about being hiv? enjoy dinner and seeing a good friend... I would reserve telling anyone unless your dealing with them day to day on a continual basis... thats just my perspective... Who knows she may have her own secrets that she is not willing to share... or bring up at dinner.


Daniel,

This is exactly how I feel about that situation too. Enjoy yourselves and have a good time. As you already mentioned, this person while not seen in a while is "virtually a  stranger."


Enjoy the visit and dinner------Ray
Current Meds ; Viramune, Epzicom, 40mg of simvastatin, 25 mg of Hydrochlorothiazide.
Metoprolol tartrate 25mg



http://forums.poz.com/index.php?topic=40802.0

http://forums.poz.com/index.php?topic=45159.0

http://forums.poz.com/index.php?topic=39722.msg495621;topicseen#msg495621

http://forums.poz.com/index.php?topic=46806.0

http://forums.poz.com/index.php?topic=39414.msg491701#msg491701


Diagnosed positive in 1985,.. In October of 2003, My t-cell count was 16, Viral load was over 500,000, Percentage at that time was 5%. I started on  HAART on October 24th, 2003.

 As of 8/25/14,  t-cells are at 402, Viral load <40

 Current % is at 11%

  
 63 years young.

Offline DanielMark

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Re: How to disclose my HIV status to someone who is virtually a stranger?
« Reply #4 on: August 08, 2007, 04:35:19 AM »
Question? why tell her anything? or bring it up about being hiv?

Why? As I wrote above, it would be awkward (well impossible actually) to honestly  and openly discuss my life while hiding the fact.

Besides, lying about it by hiding the truth only prolongs the stigma. I am not ashamed.

Daniel
MEDS: REYATAZ & KIVEXA (SINCE AUG 2008)

MAY 2000 LAB RESULTS: CD4 678
VL STILL UNDETECTABLE

DIAGNOSED IN 1988

Offline redhotmuslbear

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Re: How to disclose my HIV status to someone who is virtually a stranger?
« Reply #5 on: August 08, 2007, 01:25:13 PM »
Daniel,

I totally feel you on this one.  Those who think it ought to be a non-issue can bugger off, as for as I'm concerned.  An HIV diagnosis invades virtually every part of our lives, and keeping it "secret" is perpetuating the stigma, often on people who would otherwise be unwavering in their support and love for us if we are open.

I took a similar opportunity to disclose several weeks ago to much larger group of friends anc comrades, the entire alumni community of my undergrad alma mater.  In recounting the recent big events of my life for our "classnotes" section of the alumni magazine--and I have been the point-of-contact for my class for over 20 years--I discussed my involvement in Gay health concerns, meth abuse prevention and treatment, and <gasp> HIV research as an LTNP.  Four years ago when I had pictures of my Toronto marriage to my male partner published, I was overwhelmed by emails and letters of good wishes, not to mention the comings-out of several men in their senior years who had never told a sole in the university community!  Still, I didn't know what to expect from being The Out HIVer....  OMG!  The University insisted on getting three separate emails from me saying that I insisted on having the item published, just cover their arses.  Then, when the magazine hit homes, I was deluged with support and love, even from people who had been virtual enemies two decades ago.... other HIVers have come out to me.... and dozens of non-HIVers have volunteered for various research projects.

Your openness with your old friend may seem like a small drop, Daniel, but I hope that it makes some big and positive ripples in other lives.

Peace,
David
"The real problem is not whether machines think but whether men do." - BF Skinner
12-31-09   222wks VL  2430 CD4 690 (37%)
09-30-09   208wks VL  2050  CD4 925 (42%)
06-25-08   143wks VL  1359  CD4 668 (32%)  CD8 885
02-11-08   123wks off meds:  VL 1364 CD4 892(40%/0.99 ratio)
10-19-07   112wks off meds:   VL 292  CD4 857(37%/0.85 ratio)

One copy of delta-32 for f*****d up CCR5 receptors, and an HLA B44+ allele for "CD8-mediated immunity"... beteer than winning Powerball, almost!

Offline RapidRod

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Re: How to disclose my HIV status to someone who is virtually a stranger?
« Reply #6 on: August 09, 2007, 07:03:16 AM »
Daniel, shit flies around here quicker than farts in the wind. I don't think there is a sole that doesn't know I have HIV. It's the million and one questions that you get asked that floors me. The girlfriends had a harder time dealing with me being gay than having HIV and the guys always say, to each his own. Most all my friends are straight and man can they ask a lot of questions. Guys in a group never say a thing unless one bends over and the other says, "watch out Rod is here." Which always gets everyone laughing. Then I have the guys that ask me about school and if I thought they were good looking in school and I always reply, well yeah, what happened? I believe how you feel about yourself is how well you can handle your situation with anyone. I've given plenty of talks on HIV/AIDS in High Schools and most of the kids in school I graduated with their parents. I believe keeping the conversations lite hearted relieves that stress on those around you. Don't think that they don't feel like they are in an awkward postion, but you can change all of that. Don't ever make it harder on yourself to be around friends just because you have HIV. If they were your friends yesterday, they'll be your friends tomorrow. You'll be surprised that the guys that will give you a hug, just a quick as the girls.
« Last Edit: August 09, 2007, 07:07:55 AM by RapidRod »

Offline DCGUY2007

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Re: How to disclose my HIV status to someone who is virtually a stranger?
« Reply #7 on: August 13, 2007, 02:59:42 AM »
I agree with Dixie on this.

Offline DanielMark

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Re: How to disclose my HIV status to someone who is virtually a stranger?
« Reply #8 on: August 13, 2007, 03:49:26 AM »
The reason I needed to disclose my health status was only so that I could meet this woman and discuss my life without lying if only by omission. David got it right: HIV is connected to most every aspect of my life, and I want to be free to discuss my life with her without feeling on guard.

Now that's out of the way. As she wrote, it's not an issue.

I am not ashamed or embarrassed by being HIV positive. But if someone else is going to be hung up about it I want to know that from the beginning, before making an investment.

Daniel
MEDS: REYATAZ & KIVEXA (SINCE AUG 2008)

MAY 2000 LAB RESULTS: CD4 678
VL STILL UNDETECTABLE

DIAGNOSED IN 1988

Offline Miss Philicia

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  • celebrity poster, faker & poser
Re: How to disclose my HIV status to someone who is virtually a stranger?
« Reply #9 on: August 13, 2007, 11:15:17 AM »
I've needed to discuss it simply because of my appearance.  Old friends know I'm gay, or at least privately would think so, and with lipo the first thing they're going to think is "AIDS infected queer" so I figure why not just put it on the table?  I know with one old friend when I eventually told her she stated that the last time she'd seen me that it went through her head and caused her a lot of worry for me.  I'm not big on hiding things any longer anyway.
"Iíve slept with enough men to know that Iím not gay"

Offline bearby

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  • April 2007
Re: How to disclose my HIV status to someone who is virtually a stranger?
« Reply #10 on: August 18, 2007, 11:35:59 AM »
I got in contact with the female that  should have been my wife after high school thanks to the alumni catalogue .
 We talked at length about those always mundane thing that people trying to rekindle a lost friendship do .
 I discovered that she has been married ( and now separated ) rearing both her children on her own then I mentioned my partner  to which she replied your gay  and of course I said yes been with the same man for the last 20 years ( that was the amount of time we had been a couple @ that point in time ) .
 She then proceeded to make queries about our life together  ( which being the type of man that I am didn't hide any thing but then seeing that my parents have accepted us as long term couple I figure why hide the facts from any one ) .
 We continued thru other mundane things about the quality and meaning of life and the issue of hiv/aids never came up so I can't forsee any  reason to bring it up unless it's just a point blank thing brought subject brought up by her .
 NOW I say that after the friendship hath been rekindled to a certain point in time then the subject should be brought into the light of day and the concepts or stigma's of it delt with .
 Ciao :
Pete
Have you preformed your random act of kindness today ?

Offline allanq

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Re: How to disclose my HIV status to someone who is virtually a stranger?
« Reply #11 on: August 18, 2007, 02:15:01 PM »
Daniel,

What a wonderful story! I think it's great that you told your old friend that you're HIV-positive. And I'm very happy that she reacted in such a warm and supportive way.

If she had reacted in a negative way, you would have saved yourself the trouble of getting together with someone you probably wouldn't want to be around.

Carole is one really nice person. It sounds like this friendship has truly been renewed.

Allan


Top (Breakfast): Prezista, Norvir, Isentress, Zoloft (2), Glyburide (2), Aspirin
Bottom right (Dinner): Prezista, Norvir, Isentress
Bottom left (Bedtime): Sustiva, Trazodone (2), Lipitor, Septra (no longer taking this)
Center: Alprazolam (Xanax)
Not shown: various vitamins & supplements

Offline DanielMark

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Re: How to disclose my HIV status to someone who is virtually a stranger?
« Reply #12 on: August 19, 2007, 05:54:34 AM »
Well we'll know that better after we meet tomorrow, but hopefully you are right, Allan!

Daniel
MEDS: REYATAZ & KIVEXA (SINCE AUG 2008)

MAY 2000 LAB RESULTS: CD4 678
VL STILL UNDETECTABLE

DIAGNOSED IN 1988

Offline cayucosguy

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Re: How to disclose my HIV status to someone who is virtually a stranger?
« Reply #13 on: August 20, 2007, 03:40:27 PM »
Daniel -

Remarkably, I was presented with an almost identical set of circumstances.  After almost 25 years, an old high-school girlfriend (I was so confused then!) found my profile online and wanted to reconnect.

I was very unsure of how to approach the health issues with her, or if I even should.  Turns out that sharing my diagnosis proved beneficial to both of us.  She was recently divorced from her cheating husband, who had given her HIV.  And now she had someone to talk to that she felt comfortable with.  We must have cried together for an hour or more the first time we actually talked on the phone.

I almost blew-off what has turned out to be one of the most cherished friendships I've ever had the opportunity to re-kindle.

Hope all goes well for you.

Vince

Offline DanielMark

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Re: How to disclose my HIV status to someone who is virtually a stranger?
« Reply #14 on: August 21, 2007, 06:57:21 AM »
Thanks Vince,

As it turns out our meeting went very well. Met her husband and one of her daughters who came with them for the week here, then off we went to the restaurant. I was a bit worried that Jimmy would be bored to tears listening to us yakking about our high school days, but as it turns out we didnít discuss that much at all.

We discovered that her extended family is just as messed up as mine so we have a lot in common in that regard. We laughed and laughed about a lot of things, and sheís just as funny as I remembered her.

She also told us that her son (now 18) befriended an older gent in their neighbourhood when he was young and that man later got sick with AIDS and moved into Casey House (a well-known AIDS hospice in Toronto) where they went to visit him before he eventually died. So all my apprehension about how sheíd take my news was for nothing. Oy.

After our meal we took a walk along the canal then went for coffee at a patio in one of Ottawaís most Gay-friendly areas. We must have been there a good hour before saying our goodnights.

Daniel
MEDS: REYATAZ & KIVEXA (SINCE AUG 2008)

MAY 2000 LAB RESULTS: CD4 678
VL STILL UNDETECTABLE

DIAGNOSED IN 1988

Offline BT65

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Re: How to disclose my HIV status to someone who is virtually a stranger?
« Reply #15 on: August 22, 2007, 09:55:47 AM »
Daniel, I'm glad your meeting went so well with your old friend.  I always find that if someone is truly my friend, they'll accept my diagnosis openly.
I've never killed anyone, but I frequently get satisfaction reading the obituary notices.-Clarence Darrow

Offline DanielMark

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Re: How to disclose my HIV status to someone who is virtually a stranger?
« Reply #16 on: August 23, 2007, 07:09:19 AM »
Thanks Betty,

Yes that's exactly why I wanted this out in the open before making any investment.

It could have gone either way, but it was a small risk in my thinking and saved a lot of heartache and trouble in the end.

Daniel
MEDS: REYATAZ & KIVEXA (SINCE AUG 2008)

MAY 2000 LAB RESULTS: CD4 678
VL STILL UNDETECTABLE

DIAGNOSED IN 1988

Offline chefrusty904

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Re: How to disclose my HIV status to someone who is virtually a stranger?
« Reply #17 on: September 16, 2007, 06:07:16 AM »
Congratulations on overcoming that huge obstacle. ;D Ilead my life as an open book and am very comfortabledisclosing any aspect of my life.

Offline dtwpuck

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  • дано мне тело, что мне делать с ним?
Re: How to disclose my HIV status to someone who is virtually a stranger?
« Reply #18 on: September 17, 2007, 05:50:02 PM »
Daniel, I agree wholeheartedly with your statement that keeping it a secret only prolongs the stigma.    Nevertheless, it doesn't reduce the stress of the anticipation of a possible rejection.  Kudos to you. 

Floating through the void in the caress of two giant pink lobsters named Esmerelda and Keith.

Offline hudstar

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Re: How to disclose my HIV status to someone who is virtually a stranger?
« Reply #19 on: September 18, 2007, 02:21:04 AM »
Daniel - a friend is a friend however long the separation may be. I think your recent situation was proof of that. I have only told people that need to know - other people I didn't want to know found out through chinese whispers! Funny, I never kept contact with those from my school days as I was on the first flight out of state as soon as I turned 18. I've moved back recently and want to locate my lesbian art teacher from secondary school as she helped me come out just after I finished my schooling. For some odd reason I  want to tell her. Now that would be an interesting meet! I'm glad your reunion went well.
diagnosed 1988
POZ personals - hudster

Offline komnaes

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Re: How to disclose my HIV status to someone who is virtually a stranger?
« Reply #20 on: September 20, 2007, 10:20:33 PM »
Isn't that one of those little sweet moments in life that make it worth living!

Shaun
Aug 07 Diagnosed
Oct 07 CD4=446(19%) Feb 08 CD4=421(19%)
Jun 08 CD4=325(22%) Jul 08 CD4=301(18%)
Sep 08 CD4=257/VL=75,000 Oct 08 CD4=347(16%)
Dec 08 CD4=270(16%)
Jan 09 CD4=246(13%)/VL=10,000
Feb 09 CD4=233(15%)/VL=13,000
Started meds Sustiva/Epzicom
May 09 CD4=333(24%)/VL=650
Aug 09 CD4=346(24%)/VL=UD
Nov 09 CD4=437(26%)/VL=UD
Feb 10 CD4=471(31%)/VL=UD
June 10 CD4=517 (28%)/VL=UD
Sept 10 CD4=687 (31%)/VL=UD
Jan 11 CD4=557 (30%)/VL=UD
April 11 CD4=569 (32%)/VL=UD
Switched to Epizcom, Reyataz and Norvir
(Interrupted for 2 months with only Epizcom & Reyataz)
July 11 CD=520 (28%)/VL=UD
Oct 11 CD=771 (31%)/VL=UD(<30)
April 12 CD=609 (28%)/VL=UD(<20)
Aug 12 CD=657 (29%)/VL=UD(<20)
Dec 12 CD=532 (31%)/VL=UD(<20)
May 13 CD=567 (31%)/VL=UD(<20)
Jan 14 CD=521 (21%)/VL=UD(<50)

Offline DanielMark

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Re: How to disclose my HIV status to someone who is virtually a stranger?
« Reply #21 on: September 21, 2007, 04:14:33 AM »
Since she lives in Toronto and I live in Ottawa it's unlikely that we'll see each other very often, but it was fun catching up.

I hope you find your old teacher, Hudstar.
MEDS: REYATAZ & KIVEXA (SINCE AUG 2008)

MAY 2000 LAB RESULTS: CD4 678
VL STILL UNDETECTABLE

DIAGNOSED IN 1988

Offline SteveA

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Re: How to disclose my HIV status to someone who is virtually a stranger?
« Reply #22 on: October 26, 2007, 12:38:01 AM »
Man this whole thread reminded me of my 20 year HS reunion! I made the mistake of taking someone who thought it was their business to tell everyone my status regardless of whether I was interested in sleeping with that person or not. Well I thought being out and proud as gay was quite enough for my HS reunion and everyone seemed to accept that fact about me with no problems. Those who gave me email addresses and phone numbers to "Stay in touch" with them however, suddenly after the reunion none of them wanted to "stay in touch" any longer. Come to find out, my "Date" had made it a point of telling EVERYONE that spoke to me at the reunion that I had aid's behind my back, so yeah. People still judge!

Offline DanielMark

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Re: How to disclose my HIV status to someone who is virtually a stranger?
« Reply #23 on: October 28, 2007, 11:58:13 AM »
Oh man Steve that is despicable!

I know they say that discretion is the better part of valour, but it blows when someone you thought you could trust turns around and backstabs you. Which, by the way, is exactly the way I ended up with this virus to begin with. :-\

I try to be thoughtful about whom I disclose my status to, but thereís always the risk they might not respect me enough to keep a confidence. Some people have never heard of boundaries, I guess.

Death to the gossips!

Daniel
MEDS: REYATAZ & KIVEXA (SINCE AUG 2008)

MAY 2000 LAB RESULTS: CD4 678
VL STILL UNDETECTABLE

DIAGNOSED IN 1988

Offline OneTampa

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Re: How to disclose my HIV status to someone who is virtually a stranger?
« Reply #24 on: December 05, 2007, 05:29:38 PM »
Another great threaded discussion.  Trying to decide whether to disclose one's HIV status  to someone (other than a health professional caring for you or a potential partner) is a toughie.  The decision can be tough even if you want to speak with a family member.  I know.  Just because someone is a family member or close acquaintance does not mean that they will show you compassion and understanding.  As someone who has been HIV+ for 21 years, my healthcare  professionals know.  Up until a few weeks my best friend also knew.  Unfortunately, he recently died of cancer (he was HIV negative). He was my last living very close friend of over 30 years. So now, I am left in a conundrum.  I have a few remaining friends but I can not honestly predict how they would react if I told them my status.  I am very healthy and sexually responsiible and intend to remain so. I guess  I am more afraid of the hurt and fear I will see in their eyes when I tell them more than anything else. I also don't know if the care and love I hope they have for me will endure after I reveal my status.  It is so funny.  I have worked and taken care of others and myself all these years, but  disclosing my status seems to be one of hardest things for me to do.  Am I, perhaps, internalizing a HIV+stigma or being prudent and listening to that inner voice that is whispering that they are not yet ready to hear the information?
"He is my oldest child. The shy and retiring one over there with the Haitian headdress serving pescaŪto frito."

Offline onealgirl

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Re: How to disclose my HIV status to someone who is virtually a stranger?
« Reply #25 on: December 05, 2007, 05:48:20 PM »
HI I THINK THAT YOU MUST FIRST KNOW FOR YOURSELF WHY YOU ARE DISCLOURING TO THIS PERSON.  I PUT PEOPLE IN ORDER OF WHATS IMPORTANT TO ME AND MY LIFE.  IF THEY ARE NOT SOMEONE HIGH ON MY NEED TO KNOW LIST THEN I WILL NOT DISCLOSE.  I FEEL THAT IS MY RIGHT.   :-*
BIGMAMA

Offline DanielMark

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Re: How to disclose my HIV status to someone who is virtually a stranger?
« Reply #26 on: December 06, 2007, 06:12:06 AM »
Am I, perhaps, internalizing a HIV+stigma or being prudent and listening to that inner voice that is whispering that they are not yet ready to hear the information?

The first question I would ask myself OneTampa is, how important is it that they know? The second would be why do you want them to know? Are they friends who are close to you and who you hope will be a source of support, and can you handle it if they are unable to be, for whatever reasons?

I have no friends who I cannot speak the truth to. If I canít do that then they are not my friends. I refuse to pretend with the people I love and hope they would not try to make decision of how I would handle such news from them either.

Daniel
MEDS: REYATAZ & KIVEXA (SINCE AUG 2008)

MAY 2000 LAB RESULTS: CD4 678
VL STILL UNDETECTABLE

DIAGNOSED IN 1988

Offline Joe K

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  • Member
  • Posts: 3,877
  • 31 Years Poz
Re: How to disclose my HIV status to someone who is virtually a stranger?
« Reply #27 on: December 06, 2007, 11:36:50 AM »
Daniel,

I knew how your dinner went when I read the last words of your initial post.  It was obvious that Carole was able to accept you and your disease without any reservations.  Her last comment was the most telling as it shows she understands a lot of the problem with HIV is intolerance.  It was your choice to tell her or not and either would have been correct, depending upon on how you felt.  I just love when fate reunites us with someone we never knew could be such a good friend.  For most people it is a rare occurrence and one to be cherished.

Offline plmgood

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  • Posts: 5
  • Resistant AIDS, 17 yrs plus! There is a God!
Re: How to disclose my HIV status to someone who is virtually a stranger?
« Reply #28 on: December 06, 2007, 02:07:50 PM »
"When to disclose to a stranger/old friend of past:" 

NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS, unless you ask, it's medically necessary,or for legal purposes. 

It is NOT SHAMEFUL or perpetuating a stigma to keep information to yourself.

Why not tell a stranger that you're bankrupt, have herpes, a convicted pedophile, rapist, alcoholic, bigot, divulge financial status, CIA agent, convicted murderer, chronic vaginal yeast infections, penile dysfunctions, incontinent, on psyche drugs, drug addict, and the list goes on.  Get my drift?

I am not "ASHAMED" of my HIV status nor do I feel stigmatized.  I only disclose on a "NEED TO KNOW BASIS!"   Allowing yourself to be 'stigmatized' or 'ashamed" is something you need to deal with in Therapy.   If others stigmatize you and you feel discriminated against, get a lawyer.

STOP trying to be politically correct and start living.  Who cares what "other" people think anyway!!   That's the sole problem with our society of so-called human beings.

"If they don't like it, they can stick it!"

LIVE-LOVE-LAUGH

 

Offline DanielMark

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  • Posts: 1,475
Re: How to disclose my HIV status to someone who is virtually a stranger?
« Reply #29 on: December 06, 2007, 04:03:41 PM »
Her last comment was the most telling as it shows she understands a lot of the problem with HIV is intolerance.  It was your choice to tell her or not and either would have been correct, depending upon on how you felt.  I just love when fate reunites us with someone we never knew could be such a good friend.  For most people it is a rare occurrence and one to be cherished.

Hi Joe,

Long time no see. And I agree, it probably is a rare thing.

And plmgood,

You don't seem to have understood what I wrote about WHY I wanted my friend to know. Basically it would have been pointless to reunite with an old friend while censoring that part of my life - which you must know basically touches many parts of our lives. I like my close friendships to be honest and comfortable. I didn't feel I HAD to tell her, I wanted to.

Daniel
MEDS: REYATAZ & KIVEXA (SINCE AUG 2008)

MAY 2000 LAB RESULTS: CD4 678
VL STILL UNDETECTABLE

DIAGNOSED IN 1988

Offline 1 RWR 1

  • Member
  • Posts: 11
Re: How to disclose my HIV status to someone who is virtually a stranger?
« Reply #30 on: February 04, 2008, 03:52:18 PM »
My Nephew came to live with me and as He was sleeping with everyone in the neighborhood told them about me.  My best Friend to this day is a beautiful lady and Her Daughter that said it did not matter Her Mom has it also.  My Nephew is long gone and those two are so much happiness to Me and everyone they are around.  A day does not go by that She and Her Family or Friends want us around for some reason or another.  I would of never talked to or approached Her if not for Him.  Thank You Mathew
5/25/2006 tcells 61vl 2.5 million-3%                       11/30/2007 tcells 169 vl<50-10%

 


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