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Author Topic: After I am gone......  (Read 7154 times)

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Offline Oryan2008

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  • Posts: 11
After I am gone......
« on: February 04, 2008, 09:40:28 AM »
First of all I just wanted to say a big thank you to those who have replied to my very first post. Its been a big help in knowing that there are supportive people out there.

Now I know this is a morbid topic, but it is something that everyone has to deal with. I was wondering what people are doing about funeral expenses after they have passed away. Not that I am at deaths door. But as you all know the only two certainies in life are death and taxes. I am not financially sound, in fact a long way off. I dont want to put upon my loved ones when i do pass away. So I was wondering if anyone else has done something or has joined a saving scheme to prepare for the future?

If anyone could help I'd really appreciate it.

Thank you for your time.

Oryan xxx

Offline Benoit

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Re: After I am gone......
« Reply #1 on: February 04, 2008, 11:32:57 AM »
I dont think much about my death or the funeral or the expenses. I'll just make sure that there is money put aside for the funeral expenses. There is no point in worrying about death from a hiv related illness as nobody regardless of their hiv status is guaranteed a tomorrow in this world as I could be hit by a bus tomorrow, so its better to live for the moment and appreciate each day that we live through instead of thinking of the Grim Reaper visiting oneday in the future. I dont think much of my funeral as like everyone else I wont be at my own funeral cos I hope to be in a better place free of hiv if no cure is found in my lifetime.
Diagnosed: March
CD4%: 33%

Offline Oryan2008

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Re: After I am gone......
« Reply #2 on: February 04, 2008, 11:49:45 AM »
No I guess not i just dont want to be a financial burden to somebody when i do go and i don't want something i dont believe in

Offline pozniceguy

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  • Niceguy Dallas
Re: After I am gone......
« Reply #3 on: February 04, 2008, 12:19:40 PM »
Hi, being concerned about leaving a burden for others to bear is not a trivial concern  as already pointed out  death is certain only the when remains to be determined....personally I chose  prepaid cremation plan that includes specific instructions about what to do...carry a card in my wallet with the phone number to call ..there are many of these plans available at different places around the country.....you can pay all at once or make payments depending on your circumstances.....look into these services in your area....

remember the good times...honor the past but don't live there
Le stelle la notte sono grandie luminose, nel cuore profondo del Texas

Offline J.R.E.

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Re: After I am gone......
« Reply #4 on: February 04, 2008, 06:44:55 PM »

Now I know this is a morbid topic, but it is something that everyone has to deal with.

Thank you for your time.

Oryan xxx

It's not really a morbid topic. It's something that everyone need to discuss from time to time. The older one gets the more one realises the need to make these arrangements. I made arrangements a long time ago, for cremation. Having my family members know what my plans were, along with my partner, were very important to me, and something that I needed to make sure was done. Also making sure that all necessary legal documents are completed and updated as needed. I don't plan on leaving any expenses behind. I just try to stay on top of things the best I can.  Cremation has the best price going. Can't see spending 5,000-8,000 for burial.

Take care-----Ray

Current Meds ; Viramune, Epzicom, 40mg of simvastatin, 25 mg of Hydrochlorothiazide.
Metoprolol tartrate 25mg






Diagnosed positive in 1985,.. In October of 2003, My t-cell count was 16, Viral load was over 500,000, Percentage at that time was 5%. I started on  HAART on October 24th, 2003.

 As of 8/24/15,  t-cells are at 359,   Viral load remains <40

Current % is at 11%

 63 years young.

Offline BT65

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Re: After I am gone......
« Reply #5 on: February 04, 2008, 06:55:21 PM »
I totally agree with wise Ray on this.  My cremation is paid for and my power-of-attorney knows where the paperwork is.  But Alan brought up a good point a little while ago; that's to make sure as to the content of the service, as leaving it to mourning people isn't the best idea.  Not a morbid topic at all, dearie. :-*
I've never killed anyone, but I frequently get satisfaction reading the obituary notices.-Clarence Darrow

Offline sharkdiver

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  • Posts: 1,352
Re: After I am gone......
« Reply #6 on: February 05, 2008, 12:08:49 AM »
All I can say is that EVERYONE should have their will and plans way ahead of time. And especially put in a NO CONTEST clause. You fight the will, you get nothing

I really, truly loved and still love my late partner but the last 3 years have been um... HELL.

Sharkie <----taking a deep breath, let it out,    ok done  :P

Offline leatherman

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Re: After I am gone......
« Reply #7 on: February 05, 2008, 12:22:09 AM »

It's not really a morbid topic.
Also making sure that all necessary legal documents are completed and updated as needed.

It's not a morbid topic because everyone dies at some point and should think about it. Some people even make these kinds of arrangements at some of the happier times of their lives - like a marriage or the birth of a child. Think of it as part of "growing up".  ;) And on the happy side, once you handle these issues, they're done and won't come up as problem for you or your family in a stressful crisis situation. That's really what this pre-planning is all about - making it easier on your surviving family.

Also, like Ray mentioned, make sure to get legal documents in order first. A living will and durable medical power of attorney could be very important. Those two documents might possibly be needed before someone has to handle your funeral arrangements. No one wants to be another Michael OR Terri Shaivo.
leatherman (aka mIkIE)

So we put our hands up like the ceiling canít hold us
"Can't Hold Us" - Macklemore & Ryan Lewis

chart from 1992-2015 Reyataz/Norvir/Truvada

Offline sweetasmeli

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  • Love what you are...
Re: After I am gone......
« Reply #8 on: February 05, 2008, 03:59:30 AM »
Hi honey, hope you're doing okay.

There was a thread about this in Off Topic some time back. Here's the link:


Debra xx
/\___/\       /\__/\
(=' . '=)    (=' . '=)
(,,,_ ,,,)/   (,,,_ ,,,)/ Cats rule!

The difference between cats and dogs is that dogs come when called, whereas cats take a message and get back to you.

Yeia kai hara (health and happiness) to everyone!

Offline sharkdiver

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  • Posts: 1,352
Re: After I am gone......
« Reply #9 on: February 05, 2008, 09:28:13 AM »
Dear Oryan2008

Welcome to the forum, by the way.

sorry for venting on your thread. It just brought up issues that I am currently dealing with.

In no way is it morbid to talk about this subject. It is a good idea to talk about  it and get it off your chest so that you can get on to dealing with other things. I think it was very courageous of you to bring this topic up, especially being your first post.

Fortunately I had durable power of attorney, so I had control of how my partner was to be taken care of.  We did not have a living trust as we were too trusting with his family, plus the will was done in a time of crisis (not a good idea). Death can bring out a lot of nasty emotions, no matter how good of a person you think you are or how confident you are in your relationships with others. I think its better to have all the arrangements taken care of in a time when you are feeling healthy and in a good emotional state.

There are many, many wonderful people on this site to discuss issues as serious as this as well as other crap (no, seriously lol).

Peace and hugs,


Offline RapidRod

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Re: After I am gone......
« Reply #10 on: February 06, 2008, 07:49:32 PM »
I took care of all that years ago. What's weird, is when I do go to the cemetery and my name is on the headstone stone. It kinda freaks you out, but I can always make a joke of it. If I go out there and there is a date after my birth, I'm screwed.

Offline komnaes

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Re: After I am gone......
« Reply #11 on: February 07, 2008, 11:09:02 AM »
The fun has just begun actually.. ;)

Chinese, especially those live in the South, believe in an afterlife that the deceased would continue to live for a while in a "shady space" before moving to reincarnation, or go further down hell depending on what one does. It's the duty of the living relatives to supply "material" things by burning paper offerings. There are stores here that you can buy "hell banknotes" and other things like TV, mobile phones, a whole house, cars (see photo) or even servants, all made of paper. You can burn them in special burners in cemeteries and temples, though the offerings should be marked with the name of the departed so they can be "delivered" to them...

I believe in none of that (my Catholic indoctrination wouldn't allow me to) but of my best friends does. She seems to have strange dreams all the time that her departed relatives would come back and ask for material things. So I have entrusted her with the job of securing those offerings for me and to order special items, and currently the list is being compiled. ;D

But no, seriously,.. better make plans and prepare all those documents like a will, PoA, etc. They make life much easier for your loved ones.

Hugs, Shaun

[attachment deleted by admin]
Aug 07 Diagnosed
Oct 07 CD4=446(19%) Feb 08 CD4=421(19%)
Jun 08 CD4=325(22%) Jul 08 CD4=301(18%)
Sep 08 CD4=257/VL=75,000 Oct 08 CD4=347(16%)
Dec 08 CD4=270(16%)
Jan 09 CD4=246(13%)/VL=10,000
Feb 09 CD4=233(15%)/VL=13,000
Started meds Sustiva/Epzicom
May 09 CD4=333(24%)/VL=650
Aug 09 CD4=346(24%)/VL=UD
Nov 09 CD4=437(26%)/VL=UD
Feb 10 CD4=471(31%)/VL=UD
June 10 CD4=517 (28%)/VL=UD
Sept 10 CD4=687 (31%)/VL=UD
Jan 11 CD4=557 (30%)/VL=UD
April 11 CD4=569 (32%)/VL=UD
Switched to Epizcom, Reyataz and Norvir
(Interrupted for 2 months with only Epizcom & Reyataz)
July 11 CD=520 (28%)/VL=UD
Oct 11 CD=771 (31%)/VL=UD(<30)
April 12 CD=609 (28%)/VL=UD(<20)
Aug 12 CD=657 (29%)/VL=UD(<20)
Dec 12 CD=532 (31%)/VL=UD(<20)
May 13 CD=567 (31%)/VL=UD(<20)
Jan 14 CD=521 (21%)/VL=UD(<50)


  • Member
  • Posts: 268
Re: After I am gone......
« Reply #12 on: February 08, 2008, 09:27:02 AM »
afer i left my company (on disability and social security)i still had a life insurance that i still carry ,i noted my brothere as the beneficary only if he pays all the funeral expenses up front. HE AGREED sothat solves the problem.

Offline hottop101

  • Member
  • Posts: 14
Re: After I am gone......
« Reply #13 on: February 10, 2008, 03:18:04 AM »
Have to agree with most posts here.  My partner, being a lawyer, and I made these arrangements a long time ago.  We update them when appropriate.  We both have medical and financial power of attorney for each other, and our families are aware and ok with this.

And no this is not a morbid topic, most just forget about it till it's too late.

Hug, Richard

Offline dvinemstre

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  • hot in carolina
Re: After I am gone......
« Reply #14 on: February 10, 2008, 10:48:41 AM »
Rod, loved your comment...I have had my funeral arrangements and other things in place for quite some time. My two youngest children both have disabilities and will never be able to live on their own, so that necessitated many things. We kinda made a whole family affair out of it, my mom, dad, and I and we each have everything in order. Biggest disput is my parents had alreayd bought two burial plots and then my dad decided he wants to be cremated and scattered over the sea. My mom is kinda pissed, but she took heart when he said he had THREE HOURS of music he wanted played before his final dispensation, which he wants to be scattered to the blaring tune "You Can't Always Get What You Want." I promptly informed him we would be glad to play it while we flushed, since all the water ends up in the sea anyhow  8) but on a serious note, my agency is presently working with some attorneys who are specialists in trusts for persons with disabilities and terminal illnesses (well life is a terminal illness) but they specifically work things out in case the person needs to go on Medicaid, Medicare, etc, so that all their property is retained in trust, etc. that may be a way for you to go with your planning. I also had life insurance and in Nov missed the payment because i was out of the country and had forgotten about it. i was concerned about the reinstatement, never missed a payment in 24 years, and the danm company rejected me based on my height weight ration (technical way to say i am too fat) so I had been worried about the HIV and not that. I have been researching life insurance for persons who are HIV poz and found some great rates on insure.com...just a thought. Zan

Offline SoSadTooBad

  • Member
  • Posts: 252
Re: After I am gone......
« Reply #15 on: February 24, 2008, 08:31:06 PM »
Not a morbid topic - realistic.  Nobody here is hurrying the grim reaper, but it is way better to be prepared.  I'm probably in the minority here, because I think funerals are really beautiful, and I want to have one.  To that end, I have some specific expectations of what my funeral will be like.  My attorney recommended that I write out specific funeral and burial instructions in my own handwriting and they be included with my will. 

I have life insurance that I secured before I was poz, so paying for my lavish send off should not be an issue.

When I go for my last Cadillac ride to the great roulette table in the sky, I want to be buried in a dark blue Hugo Boss suit and shiny Cole Haan shoes.  :-) 

Offline Snowangel

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Re: After I am gone......
« Reply #16 on: February 24, 2008, 10:51:42 PM »
"You Can't Always Get What You Want." I promptly informed him we would be glad to play it while we flushed,
Zan, that is too funny!!!  I can't believe they cut you off after missing one payment that is disgusting! After 24 yrs, that is just crazy!
I regret to say the only thing I have done so far is to tell everyone I want to be cremated.  It is on my list of things to do, though. When I had a lawyer for my sons custody we talked about it but nothing ever got done.
Is it true that your kids are eligible for your SSI when you pass?  I know :) I need to get a lawyer, just wondering if anyone knew :)
Of all the things you wear, your expression is the most important

The heaviest thing you can carry is a grudge..

One thing you can give and still keep...is your word.

One thing you can't recycle is wasted time.

Offline BT65

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  • Posts: 10,466
Re: After I am gone......
« Reply #17 on: February 25, 2008, 09:33:22 AM »
Snow, when a parent dies, the children, up until they reach 18, are eligible for what's called 'survivor's benefits.'  They get a portion of your SS.  And it's divided among them, it's not like each one gets a big chunk.  I think some children are eligible until they're like 21, but it has to do with whether they're in school etc.  Now, I could be wrong about that.  Look at the social security website for accurate information:  www.socialsecurity.gov.  I think that can answer your questions.
I've never killed anyone, but I frequently get satisfaction reading the obituary notices.-Clarence Darrow


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