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Author Topic: why don't i feel sexual  (Read 9234 times)

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Offline al

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why don't i feel sexual
« on: February 03, 2008, 10:52:36 PM »
have not felt sexual since the person that gave me the HIV. It has been over 3 years since we broke up.  now i have not dated and I'm afraid of my feeling about sex. I love to meet someone but don't no what to do. How do I trust enought to have sex.

Offline superkim24

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Re: why don't i feel sexual
« Reply #1 on: February 12, 2008, 11:30:59 PM »
Hey al,

It really is tough, I know that feeling of not trusting and not even feeling. I think the first step is just getting out in the first place with close friends or whoever makes you comfortable. For me it was girlfriends who knew about my status and just encouraged me to leave the house to go out to hang out and to find my fun side again.
Starting with feeling comfortable with myself again was a big step. Next came dating hmmmm........... I made friends first talked, laughed, shared until one day I told them I was positive. in my experience one person ran in the opposite direction then called weeks later to say we could be friends but they could not handle a relationship. and then I met someone who said ok and then went on every website available to read up on infection what was safe to do and what was not etc etc etc........ of course that did not lead to sex right away but it meant he was informed and like he said he liked me before he knew so why should my status limit his feelings  :-[
My sexual feelings have changed not that i was always horny or anything but it is different and I find that sexual feelings come from a feeling of being accepted and loved and cared for.   

All the best on your search and in the meantime LOVE YOURSELF  ::)

tendai

  • Guest
Re: why don't i feel sexual
« Reply #2 on: February 13, 2008, 05:49:15 AM »
i agree with kim. i think u need to get out more, meet people, maybe join a support group and get to love yourself. who knows u might meet someone who's going to get that feeling back. i wish u all the best.  dont be alone al :-* :-*

Offline BT65

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Re: why don't i feel sexual
« Reply #3 on: February 16, 2008, 12:26:21 PM »
Get a good porn and a vibrator.
I've never killed anyone, but I frequently get satisfaction reading the obituary notices.-Clarence Darrow

Offline MOONLIGHT1114

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  • Cheech 2.2.94 - 4.23.10 We miss you so much!
Re: why don't i feel sexual
« Reply #4 on: February 16, 2008, 12:29:35 PM »
BT, you are crazy, GF!  LMAO  I still have my "friend" from college, after all these years.  Perfect for my "No Iceman weekends," lol.   ;D

But on a serious note, al, you need to get out and not isolate yourself.  Its easier said than done.  It took me years to feel better about myself, but now I am reaping the rewards for the most part.  :)
HIV+ since '93, 1/12 - CD4 785 and undet.   WOO-HOO!!

Offline Cheetara74

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Re: why don't i feel sexual
« Reply #5 on: February 17, 2008, 01:51:50 PM »
Get a good porn and a vibrator.

Exactly!  That works for me!  LOL  As long as I have plenty of Energizer batteries...  ;D

tendai

  • Guest
Re: why don't i feel sexual
« Reply #6 on: February 18, 2008, 02:15:31 AM »
this side i think we'd have to use cucumbers or something. not a vibrator to be had anywhere.. ::)

Offline BT65

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Re: why don't i feel sexual
« Reply #7 on: February 18, 2008, 02:38:12 PM »
this side i think we'd have to use cucumbers or something. not a vibrator to be had anywhere.. ::)

It's called improvising, dear.  Just have one handy and check out a video on xtube.  That might get you going. :D
I've never killed anyone, but I frequently get satisfaction reading the obituary notices.-Clarence Darrow

Offline Winiroo

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Re: why don't i feel sexual
« Reply #8 on: February 18, 2008, 06:29:43 PM »
have not felt sexual since the person that gave me the HIV. It has been over 3 years since we broke up.  now i have not dated and I'm afraid of my feeling about sex. I love to meet someone but don't no what to do. How do I trust enought to have sex.

Might be a good idea to talk to a counselor.


http://cmd.shutterfly.com/commands/pictures/slideshow?site=winiroo&page=winiroo&album=21
“Being powerful is like being a lady. If you have to tell people you are, you aren't.” Margaret Thatcher

tendai

  • Guest
Re: why don't i feel sexual
« Reply #9 on: February 20, 2008, 07:24:25 AM »
It's called improvising, dear.  Just have one handy and check out a video on xtube.  That might get you going. :D

cant u get carpal tunnel syndrome from that? :D
« Last Edit: February 20, 2008, 07:26:27 AM by tendai »

Offline BT65

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Re: why don't i feel sexual
« Reply #10 on: February 20, 2008, 08:14:46 AM »
cant u get carpal tunnel syndrome from that? :D

Well, at least it would be worth it. ;)
I've never killed anyone, but I frequently get satisfaction reading the obituary notices.-Clarence Darrow

Offline wishful

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  • I am pretty content nowadays..Life is gud..
Re: why don't i feel sexual
« Reply #11 on: February 20, 2008, 01:21:07 PM »
Wow...i cant get enough ..either my bf or a vibe...i am always extra hot nowadays...they say we girls reach our sexual peaks in the 30's right...cus Boy oh Boy...Im definitely there...
Live life to the fullest...

Offline BT65

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Re: why don't i feel sexual
« Reply #12 on: February 20, 2008, 02:12:13 PM »
Wow...i cant get enough ..either my bf or a vibe...i am always extra hot nowadays...they say we girls reach our sexual peaks in the 30's right...cus Boy oh Boy...Im definitely there...

Darling, I'm in my 40's and still get wildly horny.
I've never killed anyone, but I frequently get satisfaction reading the obituary notices.-Clarence Darrow

Offline Ann

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  • It just is, OK?
    • Num is sum qui mentiar tibi?
Re: why don't i feel sexual
« Reply #13 on: February 21, 2008, 07:16:32 AM »
45 and horny as hell...

I've never much cared for vibrators - they're just too intense for me. However, I do have a nice selection of single and double-headed dildos. ;)

I prefer the real thing, but the dildos can be fun too, whether alone or with another woman or even a man.

Thank goodness for Foxtrot Charlie! ;D


Condoms are a girl's best friend

Condom and Lube Info  



"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline wishful

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  • I am pretty content nowadays..Life is gud..
Re: why don't i feel sexual
« Reply #14 on: February 21, 2008, 12:35:26 PM »
lol...glad to see im not the only freaky chick here...lol  :o :P :P :P
Live life to the fullest...

Offline Winiroo

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Re: why don't i feel sexual
« Reply #15 on: February 21, 2008, 12:36:30 PM »
For once I think I'll keep some of what I'm thinking to myself LOL


http://cmd.shutterfly.com/commands/pictures/slideshow?site=winiroo&page=winiroo&album=21
“Being powerful is like being a lady. If you have to tell people you are, you aren't.” Margaret Thatcher

Offline wishful

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  • I am pretty content nowadays..Life is gud..
Re: why don't i feel sexual
« Reply #16 on: February 21, 2008, 12:49:46 PM »
awww c'mon WINI,,,,lolo
Live life to the fullest...

Offline Winiroo

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    • http://winiroo.synthasite.com/
Re: why don't i feel sexual
« Reply #17 on: February 21, 2008, 01:31:30 PM »


http://cmd.shutterfly.com/commands/pictures/slideshow?site=winiroo&page=winiroo&album=21
“Being powerful is like being a lady. If you have to tell people you are, you aren't.” Margaret Thatcher

Offline superkim24

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  • without a doubt
Re: why don't i feel sexual
« Reply #18 on: February 21, 2008, 09:49:42 PM »
Ladies come-on lol the best of both worlds vib and dildo can be found in the Rabbit  ::)

[attachment deleted by admin]

tendai

  • Guest
Re: why don't i feel sexual
« Reply #19 on: February 22, 2008, 04:44:18 AM »
BUT a dildo or vib cant kiss u all over and u cant wrap your legs around its waist and... u get my drift ;)

Offline Ann

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    • Num is sum qui mentiar tibi?
Re: why don't i feel sexual
« Reply #20 on: February 22, 2008, 05:26:47 AM »
Ladies come-on lol the best of both worlds vib and dildo can be found in the Rabbit  ::)

I've got one of those (mine's pink!) and I have to admit, it's the only vibrator I like. On low. ;)

BUT a dildo or vib cant kiss u all over and u cant wrap your legs around its waist and... u get my drift ;)

I agree - the real thing is much better. Even better is both combined! ;D


Ann
(whose sensitive bits are just that - sensitive!)
Condoms are a girl's best friend

Condom and Lube Info  



"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline Winiroo

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    • http://winiroo.synthasite.com/
Re: why don't i feel sexual
« Reply #21 on: February 22, 2008, 09:12:40 PM »
still keeping my lips sealed. I feel so monitored LOL


http://cmd.shutterfly.com/commands/pictures/slideshow?site=winiroo&page=winiroo&album=21
“Being powerful is like being a lady. If you have to tell people you are, you aren't.” Margaret Thatcher

Offline BT65

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  • Diagnosed + 1989
Re: why don't i feel sexual
« Reply #22 on: February 22, 2008, 09:24:01 PM »
Come on Wendy, bust out with it. :)
I've never killed anyone, but I frequently get satisfaction reading the obituary notices.-Clarence Darrow

Offline Winiroo

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    • http://winiroo.synthasite.com/
Re: why don't i feel sexual
« Reply #23 on: February 22, 2008, 09:28:12 PM »


http://cmd.shutterfly.com/commands/pictures/slideshow?site=winiroo&page=winiroo&album=21
“Being powerful is like being a lady. If you have to tell people you are, you aren't.” Margaret Thatcher

Offline superkim24

  • Member
  • Posts: 26
  • without a doubt
Re: why don't i feel sexual
« Reply #24 on: February 22, 2008, 10:55:44 PM »
BUT a dildo or vib cant kiss u all over and u cant wrap your legs around its waist and... u get my drift ;)


I am with you there 100% not thinking about substitution of the real thing. Think of it as Accessories.

Wendy seems like you are trying very hard not to share lol but the pics are surely revealing that you have a pretty naughty side lol   :D

Offline wishful

  • Member
  • Posts: 342
  • I am pretty content nowadays..Life is gud..
Re: why don't i feel sexual
« Reply #25 on: February 25, 2008, 11:31:25 AM »
OOOhh i have a beaver, and one with white pearls in it, and a big azzz rabbit..lolol but mine had an anal thingy on it..i dont use that one too much...the white one is my favorite....getting hot...

Wait wasnt  this called why dont I feel sexual..i dont think we are helping...Sorry...Al  :-[
Live life to the fullest...

Offline wetsand

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Re: why don't i feel sexual
« Reply #26 on: March 15, 2008, 10:21:03 AM »
Whew!  maybe Energizer batteries should change the mascot from the bunny to the "rabbit".  that would make a fun commercial.   But Al, I understand the feeling of not feeling sexual.  I haven't been with another since my diagnoses in Nov.  It's not a loss of drive, but more uncertainty about the curves in the road.  I still have some research to do and to learn about "safe sex" about what can and should not be done.  Besides not having a partner.  I still really dread the whole getting to a point of disclosure.  A former partner called out of the blue a few days ago to inform me she was newly single and and said she would like to get together for "our kind of fun".  She has rather specific needs.  I would be more than happy to oblige but am gunshy about my status.  still trying to figure it out.  Maybe for now I'll just take Betty's recommendation and check out xtube.

Offline Veritee

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    • Post Natal Illness Support
Re: why don't i feel sexual
« Reply #27 on: April 02, 2008, 12:47:10 PM »
Well my 'problem with this is the other way around ..............I guess?

Stress makes me want sex more - and with another person, I have a 'rabbit' etc and other toys etc but I want a person behind it if at all possible ;D

Since my diagnoses I have felt more 'randy; rather than less.......................

But I am currently with the person who infected me and have no real option or desire to seek or have sex with anyone else - even if I wanted to , too seek a new partner now I have HIV is just too problematic to even contemplate. If I was single I may have to consider it so my heart goes out to all of you that have to tackle this issue - but I have a partner/husband right now and all I want is a bit of sex now and then with him. I would be happy with once a month!!!!!!!!!!!!

So my problem is since his HIV diagnosis he does not feel at all like sex at all!!!!!!

God Men's sexuality is so fragile?  - mine isn't - if in stress I want sex more as it helps to let go this way


But in  fact he now 'cant get it up'

No interest at all on his part, he does not even masturbate, he has not since the day of his diagnosis!!! He was fine up to the day before so this is probably psychological -  So not just uninterested in me - he is uninterested in sex altogether!!!!

So that leaves me feeling that him acquiring HIV ironically has not just given me this awful thing but also deprived me of sex  and intimacy I enjoy and need for comfort and the release with another person I need especially when upset as I am right now


- which is ironic as it was through sex that he got this thing and brought it home to me!!

Oh well - life can be pretty ironic can't it?
Especially it seems when you have HIV?

Love to you all

Veritee XXXX
I have a blog here, please do not judge me on what I say here- I need to offload and this is where I do it: http://hiv-and-us.blogspot.com/

Offline Veritee

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Re: why don't i feel sexual
« Reply #28 on: April 02, 2008, 01:14:48 PM »
But to 'al'  who started this thread

I do understand - just as I do understand my partners reasons for why since he knew he had HIV he is just not interested in sex .

I guess our feelings re sex are very complicated and so tied in with the whole of who we are?

and something like HIV diagnosis will really involve just so much of your feelings .

I do want sex now I have HIV

But a few yeas ago I had severe Post Natal Illness for 5 years or so and during this time I did not want sex at all and it felt like I had no feelings at all sexually! Then once I recovered from PNI I was fine again re sex?

Could you be suffering depression/anxiety etc  due or alongside HIV ? As depression/anxiety etc often leads to loss or or no libido?

Or as other have suggested have you considered go gin to a counsellor ? It relay helpem me to ave conselling when I have Post Natal Illness

As you may have feelings around so many things that are as yet not totally conscious i.e  - fear of infecting someone else, fear of being infected again and developing a 'superinfection' feelings of low self worth or that you are 'dirty' to even want sex when you have HIV, fear of rejection if you have to tell them of your status, or even fear of the consequences/ethics if you do not - it seems to me that sex when you have HIV is a potential minefield!! No wonder it is not easy for some and that some cope by just not having any sexual desire?

Or that having HIV changes the dynamics of sex for you i.e some women/people  need to feel certain things to want to have sex i.e a challenge, hard to get or slightly hard to get, clean, Innocent, virginal, powerful, submissive etc ....................only suggstions our sexuality is complicated and unique but I know having HIV can affect the way you aproach/need to feel to have sex.

I have realised that even in my short time of knowing I have HIV that it changes the dynamics of sex for me - maybe it does for others too?

Sorry if my post is out of order - I am new here, so do not know what is acceptable to express here and what is not?

But I am sure that if you want sex - that it is possible to overcome this and desire sex again- as the will too is there with you. Sex is such an important and wonderful part of life -I hope it will come right for you.

And for my sake I hope my husband can desire sex again too - and pretty soon..............................

Hopefully by tonight ::)
Veritee XXX
« Last Edit: April 02, 2008, 01:32:11 PM by Veritee »
I have a blog here, please do not judge me on what I say here- I need to offload and this is where I do it: http://hiv-and-us.blogspot.com/

Offline BT65

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Re: why don't i feel sexual
« Reply #29 on: April 03, 2008, 07:32:43 AM »
Veritee, nothing you've posted is 'out of order.'  We can post anything we're feeling here. 

Actually, I love sex.  The dirtier, the nastier, the better.  I just don't get enough of it; hence, the vibrator and frequent trips to xtube and redtube.
I've never killed anyone, but I frequently get satisfaction reading the obituary notices.-Clarence Darrow

Offline Veritee

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Re: why don't i feel sexual
« Reply #30 on: April 03, 2008, 02:03:55 PM »
Thanks for the reassurance

When I had PNI I had no interest in sex whatsoever ...................

But for many years and even with HIV feel like you said ...... i.e 'Actually, I love sex.  The dirtier, the nastier, the better.  I just don't get enough of it'

and if my partner/husband does not want it I will have to resort to whatever I can get i.e xtube and redtube.

By the way - I have never heard of either before ;D

So now I have I will certainly be checking them out - Thanks for the information

Veritee XX
I have a blog here, please do not judge me on what I say here- I need to offload and this is where I do it: http://hiv-and-us.blogspot.com/

tendai

  • Guest
Re: why don't i feel sexual
« Reply #31 on: April 04, 2008, 06:15:41 AM »
i'm feeling totally non sexual these days. guess its stress. like veritee i used to get horny when i'm stressed but its the opposite now. cant "get it up" unless everythings okey-dokey. hopefully its just a phase  ;)

Offline yasoza

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Re: why don't i feel sexual
« Reply #32 on: April 18, 2008, 01:56:23 PM »
hey, 15 years with the bug, but still going crazy and horney, if i dont have my vibrator am on webcum doing it for real or get it on with my BF 8) :-*

Offline BT65

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Re: why don't i feel sexual
« Reply #33 on: April 18, 2008, 06:16:51 PM »
Webcum??  I'm going to have to check out this site. 
I've never killed anyone, but I frequently get satisfaction reading the obituary notices.-Clarence Darrow

 


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