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Author Topic: Rough time  (Read 2100 times)

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Offline sharkdiver

  • Member
  • Posts: 1,352
Rough time
« on: February 08, 2008, 12:58:59 PM »
I had a really bad night last night and this morning hasn't been easy either.

In the middle of the night while I was asleep, I thought I heard Mack softly whisper my name in my ear. I jerked awake and just couldn't go back to sleep.

This morning I had to turn in some final paperwork for the close of the probate.

I drove to work just crying.

I miss Mack

I think I need to go away for awhile

love to you all


Offline lonewolf

  • Member
  • Posts: 96
Re: Rough time
« Reply #1 on: February 08, 2008, 01:09:16 PM »
It is tough.    I know.
Take comfort and strength that you heard Mack.  He obviously is letting you know he is OK.
Please savor those moments, even tho they are hard.  It is so hard to go on, day by day, when part of your heart and soul is not there.  Please know we are thinking of you  and find strength in that  as well.
I know you feel so alone, and are very lonely, trust me, slowly, the days get better. Life will be different for you, but cherish what you had, and try to dwell on positive things in your life now.
My thoughts, and hugs to you Sharkie.
"To all within the sound of my voice, I appeal: Learn with me the lessons of history and of grace, so my children will not be afraid to say the word “AIDS” when I am gone. Then, their children and yours may not need to whisper it at all."  Mary Fisher

Offline planonstaying

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  • Hiv is the FOX,tcells the rabbit, CALL the HOUNDS!
Re: Rough time
« Reply #2 on: February 08, 2008, 03:30:38 PM »
I am so sorry for you. Nothing I say can help you. I do know that if you make it through today tommorow may be ok and one of these days you will go to bed and  it will of been tommorow.
If someone tells you  potential consequences of a behavior  it  doesn't  mean they jude you or mit    they may just give a shit about you

Offline Queen Tokelove

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  • Posts: 6,033
  • Smokey the Smurf
Re: Rough time
« Reply #3 on: February 08, 2008, 03:42:50 PM »
I am assuming that Mack is a loved one who has passed. Maybe hearing him the way you did is his way of trying to be in contact with you. I believe when a love one dies that they become your guardian angel and look out for you. Have you been dreaming of or thinking of Mack lately?
Started Atripla/Ziagen on 9/13/07.
10/31/07 CD4-265 VL- undetectable
2/6/08 CD4- 401 VL- undetectable
5/7/08 CD4- 705 VL- undetectable
6/4/08 CD4- 775 VL- undetectable
8/6/08 CD4- 805 VL- undetectable
11/13/08 CD4- 774 VL--undetectable
2/4/09  CD4- 484  VL- 18,000 (2 months off meds)
3/3/09---Starting Back on Meds---
4/27/09 CD4- 664 VL-- undetectable
6/17/09 CD4- 438 VL- 439
8/09 CD4- 404 VL- 1,600
01-22-10-- CD4- 525 VL- 59,000
Cherish the simple things life has to offer

The Royal Blog

Offline fearless

  • Member
  • Posts: 2,191
Re: Rough time
« Reply #4 on: February 08, 2008, 05:12:27 PM »
Hey Sharkie,

It's OK to be sad. Hang in there, matey.

Thinking of you.

Be forgiving, be grateful, be optimistic

Offline anniebc

  • Member
  • Posts: 6,156
  • AM member since 2003
Re: Rough time
« Reply #5 on: February 08, 2008, 05:37:40 PM »
Working on the closure of the probate has obviously been very stressful for you, so maybe Mack coming to you last night was his way of saying thank you and letting you know he is still with you and that he is OK and at peace.

I agree with Steve, it's ok to be sad and it's ok to cry, and in time when those dreams come to you again the tears will be replaced with a smile as you remember the wonderful times you had together.

Queenie said:

I believe when a love one dies that they become your guardian angel

Sometimes we don't recognise them as being our Guardian Angles...we don't always hear them or see them but they are always there.

Jan :-*

Never knock on deaths door..ring the bell and run..he really hates that.

Offline Andy Velez

  • Global Moderator
  • Member
  • Posts: 29,910
Re: Rough time
« Reply #6 on: February 08, 2008, 06:06:31 PM »
Hope you're having a better day, Sharkie.

I've never found there's any easier way around grief.  Just gotta cry and be real sad and keep putting one foot in front of the other. Staying close to others can be some comfort so I'm glad you came in here to tell us how you're doing.

I remember just sitting down one time after my greatest, greatest friend died and saying aloud "I can't do this." And crying like there was no end. Somehow I did get through. I still miss her terribly. The love between us has never ended. I'm sure that's true for you and Mack as well. 
Hugs to you, buddy.   

« Last Edit: February 08, 2008, 06:39:32 PM by Andy Velez »
Andy Velez

Offline BT65

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  • Member
  • Posts: 10,763
Re: Rough time
« Reply #7 on: February 08, 2008, 06:09:24 PM »
Sharkie, sometimes I have dreams about my ex-.  I figure it is his way of letting me know he's still around.  I'm sure that Mack was doing the same with you.  It can be upestting, and if I'm not mistaken it hasn't been all that long since Mack passed.  I'm glad you're letting your feelings out; that can be a great help.  You hang in there, sweetie.
I've never killed anyone, but I frequently get satisfaction reading the obituary notices.-Clarence Darrow

Condom and Lube Info http://www.aidsmap.com/Condoms/page/1044833/
Please check out our lessons on PEP and PrEP. http://www.poz.com/factsheets/fs_2014_09_prep.pdf


Offline sharkdiver

  • Member
  • Posts: 1,352
Re: Rough time
« Reply #8 on: February 09, 2008, 07:54:52 PM »
thank you

Offline komnaes

  • Member
  • Posts: 1,899
Re: Rough time
« Reply #9 on: February 09, 2008, 09:39:33 PM »
Hey Sharkie, hang in there my friend. My thoughts are with you. Hugs, Shaun
Aug 07 Diagnosed
Oct 07 CD4=446(19%) Feb 08 CD4=421(19%)
Jun 08 CD4=325(22%) Jul 08 CD4=301(18%)
Sep 08 CD4=257/VL=75,000 Oct 08 CD4=347(16%)
Dec 08 CD4=270(16%)
Jan 09 CD4=246(13%)/VL=10,000
Feb 09 CD4=233(15%)/VL=13,000
Started meds Sustiva/Epzicom
May 09 CD4=333(24%)/VL=650
Aug 09 CD4=346(24%)/VL=UD
Nov 09 CD4=437(26%)/VL=UD
Feb 10 CD4=471(31%)/VL=UD
June 10 CD4=517 (28%)/VL=UD
Sept 10 CD4=687 (31%)/VL=UD
Jan 11 CD4=557 (30%)/VL=UD
April 11 CD4=569 (32%)/VL=UD
Switched to Epizcom, Reyataz and Norvir
(Interrupted for 2 months with only Epizcom & Reyataz)
July 11 CD=520 (28%)/VL=UD
Oct 11 CD=771 (31%)/VL=UD(<30)
April 12 CD=609 (28%)/VL=UD(<20)
Aug 12 CD=657 (29%)/VL=UD(<20)
Dec 12 CD=532 (31%)/VL=UD(<20)
May 13 CD=567 (31%)/VL=UD(<20)
Jan 14 CD=521 (21%)/VL=UD(<50)


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