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So I Call It "Icky"

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Sdgirl:
So I call it “Icky”.  This is not an actual feeling, but a person.  His name is Rodney and is my ex.  You know the one who almost died, but didn’t………..damn him for not dying.

Let me define “Icky”

Icky = Lying, cheating, non-appreciative, selfish, pathological, nasty, skeletal, asshole.

I got the “Icky” feeling while driving home from work today.  I just knew he was here in San Diego.  He has to come down once a month for meds from Mississippi where he is freeloading off of his family that he has not seen or talked to in 20 years.  But hey, when you are desperate, you take advantage of anyone you can.

Of course I was right, he is here in town and will be here until next Friday, staying with one of the women he cheated on me with who also said when I called to tell her to get tested “Well, if I have it and so does he, we can be together!”  Oh yeah……….she is a winner alright!

The problem I have is that just knowing he is here throws me off balance.  The mere thought of the possibility of running into “Icky” would send me over the edge.  And the possibility is strong…..you see, he and I have not spoken in 3 months and he has attempted to contact me on several occasions to no avail.

The love I had for him is gone.  I don’t even feel human compassion for him any longer.  For someone who literally cheated death, he is unaffected.  Unaffected by his experience and unaffected by having AIDS. 

He has a 12 year old son who is going through a terrible time with school and life in general.  He has no idea why the father he once knew looks so different, acts so different and why I am no longer part of his father’s life.  His son’s mother and I are close and she finally gave Icky an ultimatum that he MUST tell his son what is going on.  Icky, being the selfish bastard that he is, doesn’t see the “need” to do so. 

I realize that hate is a very strong word, but I do HATE HIM.  Not for giving me HIV, but for his actions before and afterwards.  The world would be a much better place without him in it, harsh thing to say I know.  Unfortunately, only the good die young.




bear60:
Dear Sdgirl
You sound like a person who needs to:   DETACH
..................................................................................
I have been through stuff like this and if you can learn to detach....to envision  letting those apron strings, or chains or whatever you call them....detach from you and fall to the ground.....then you are free

MoltenStorm:
Wow, remind me never to piss you off, Sdgirl.

"This too shall pass"

water duck:

--- Quote from: Sdgirl on July 15, 2006, 12:27:34 PM ---..damn him for not dying.

if the is so much 'hate' it is your problem, you let it be there and grow; careful it may become so 'BIG'  it will 'EAT' you alive.

.she is a winner alright!

Wrong !! she is a willing victim.

The problem I have is that just knowing he is here throws me off balance.  The mere thought of the possibility of running into “Icky” would send me over the edge.  And the possibility is strong…..you see, he and I have not spoken in 3 months and he has attempted to contact me on several occasions to no avail.

You had managed to keep him out physically but not mentally, do you know you have a strong mental, why not look into it for strength to overcome this that is poisoning your life, otherwise, seek therapeutic help.

The love I had for him is gone.  I don’t even feel human compassion for him any longer.  For someone who literally cheated death, he is unaffected.  Unaffected by his experience and unaffected by having AIDS. 

The love is gone ... who are you cheating, hate is a form of love.  
 

I realize that hate is a very strong word, but I do HATE HIM.  Not for giving me HIV, but for his actions before and afterwards.  The world would be a much better place without him in it, harsh thing to say I know.  Unfortunately, only the good die young.

If you don't hate , how come the word came up  ??? There are men that had caused the death of millions of people : the latest book on the life of Chairman Mao can freeze your bones, well , there are many others unfortunately.

NO NO  the good don't die young, they do when they let evil get the better part of them !!
Why not let the old Sdgirl die and let the new Positive(poz) Sdgirl live and blossom !!

Be well, my dear, if you live in yesterday, you prevent the sun of tomorrow from coming out.  :-* :-*

Siang






--- End quote ---

lydgate:
"Only the good die young." Which probably explains why bishops live such long lives.  ::)

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