Main Forums > Someone I Care About Has HIV

someone im interested in is positive

(1/2) > >>

need advice:
hey all - i am hoping i can get some advice on how to handle a new relationship. i just found out that he is positive and i am negative so i am a little weirded out but i think i really like him. i once had a false positive so i certainly want to stay negative but i dont want to just write him off because he is positive. we just met and have amazing chemistry...maybe even love at first site... but am afraid this news could derail that because i dont want to get infected.  he has been for two years and is healthy and not on any meds at this point. im just not sure what to do. i know a relationship is not all about sex but am wondering if there are safe sex things we can do that will not put me at risk?? i read conflicting stories about oral and rimming, etc and just dont know what to believe. if i am a top and wear protection i believe i am pretty protected.

because of my previous scare i have a big phobia against hiv and sometimes can be irrational about thinking i might get it if i get semen on a cut on my hand for example. i am much more realistic about it now but still sometimes make me afraid.

anyone out there give me some advice? thanks so much!  ;D

Matty the Damned:

I'm gonna Assume Good Faith on your part here and trust that you're not trying to export your WW concerns from AMI to this Forum.

As we've told you previously, protected sex is just that - protected. If you and your HIV positive partner use in date latex condoms with water based lube properly and consistently then you won't need to be worried about being infected. Innumerable sero-discordant couples manage this, you shouldn't be any different.

You need to understand that all successful relationships are based on communication. You have to be able to talk to one another. You as the negative partner need to understand that this isn't all about you. A sero-discordant relationship is much more complex than just the fear of the negative partner potentially being infected.

Given your previous posts in AMI I would strongly advise that you and your new sweetie get some couples counseling to help you manage your phobia around HIV.


need advice:
ok thanks for the advice and you are right, it is not all about me. i need to think about him as well and just take this in baby steps. thanks again!  ;D

i understand where you are coming from but have you ever concerned yourself with how your "irrational " phobias are effecting your positive partner?THIS indeed can be a very sensitive issue but you both have to be completely honest with each other and know what the consequences can be.I hope that you are not taking advantage of him emotional just because he is positive.I don't mean to come across as harsh but i was in a similiar situation and it devasted me.I was at a point where i  finally believed that i could have a normal somewhat healthy life even possibly falling in love again.I met someone who is negative and continued on what seemed to be a great loving relationship.WE had taken a trip to SAN FRANCISCO AND ONE NITE HE TOL ME THAT HE DIDN'T THINK THAQT HE COULD HANDLE ME BEING HIV+.I WAS totally taken off guard and this was the first time in a very long time that i actually felt like "damaged goods".THE next day we flew home ,we didn't speak the entire time.I couldn't believe that i had allowed myself to be in this situation!!WITHIN a few days he was gone.I was an emotional wreck,even at times i contemplated suicide.I WAS  angry and hurt but more important i felt   the disease inside me for the first time since i first was diagnoised in 1990.

need advice:
thanks armando - i think i am being sensitive to his needs as well and have been honest with him about my history and fear of hiv. when he first told me i would have thought that i would have run for the door as soon as possible but i guess i must really like him. we are going to spend a few days together next week and i have made it clear that im not sure how far the sex will go if any and that is because of my phobia and i think he knows that. im not afraid to kiss him or anything like that but even when my mind knows there is no danger from something like mutual masturbation the chemical response in my body is different and I get anxious. i told him we are just going to have to take it in baby steps and see where we end up. at the same time i dont want to be worrying all the time that we might have done something and im going to get infected. so im trying to balance these fears/anxieties with my feelings for him. i dont mean to sound selfish but there is no easy answer for all of this. it really is ironic i suppose that a few years ago i thought i was positive, turned out to be negative, and now have met someone i like a lot that is positive. life is funny that way i suppose and you never know who you are going to fall for. i think if i can just get my head around the boundries of the sex part of the relationship so i dont have to worry about infection it will work out for us. we have already had the chat that we are going to take it slow and see where this relationship ends up and if nothing else we are going to be friends for sure. thanks!  ;D


[0] Message Index

[#] Next page

Go to full version