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Author Topic: Losing a Dear Friend  (Read 6544 times)

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Offline AlanBama

  • Member
  • Posts: 3,604
  • Alabama: the 'other' 3rd World Country!
Losing a Dear Friend
« on: January 27, 2008, 03:06:13 PM »
After a long and valiant struggle with AIDS, my friend Kevin succumbed at 5:45 pm yesterday.   He had been in CCU since Wednesday, with no hope for improvement.

I am thankful I got to be with him, at the end.   I whispered in his ear that I loved him, and that it was o.k. to let go.   He died 30 minutes later.

Funeral arrangements are pending.

I am full of grief, and also anger; AIDS has taken something else from me:  A close and dear friend.  Anyone who thinks that this disease isn't still killing people is sadly mistaken.

Alan  :'(
"Remember my sentimental friend that a heart is not judged by how much you love, but by how much you are loved by others." - The Wizard of Oz

Offline bear60

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  • Posts: 4,104
Re: Losing a Dear Friend
« Reply #1 on: January 27, 2008, 03:14:20 PM »
I am sending my condolences to you Alan.  You are indeed a good friend to be with him at the end.
Poz Bear Type in Philadelphia

Offline Nadine

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Re: Losing a Dear Friend
« Reply #2 on: January 27, 2008, 03:20:49 PM »
Alan...I'm so very sorry to hear this

Sending you lots of Love & ((((HUGS))))

You are a genuine awesome person !!!

LOVE YOU!!!

Offline pozguy75

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Re: Losing a Dear Friend
« Reply #3 on: January 27, 2008, 03:25:02 PM »
Oh, Alan!

I am so sorry...I know there are no words that can bring him back or take away your pain, but know that I am send the purest of thoughts to you!

I love you!!
Dx 2005
ATRIPLA

Offline Iggy

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Re: Losing a Dear Friend
« Reply #4 on: January 27, 2008, 03:28:05 PM »
You are the definition of what it means to be a good friend.  

I'm sorry to know what Kevin went through, and what you must now go through emotionally.

You are in my and Jeromy's thoughts.

Love,

Mark
« Last Edit: January 27, 2008, 05:46:06 PM by Iggy »

Offline water duck

  • Member
  • Posts: 397
Re: Losing a Dear Friend
« Reply #5 on: January 27, 2008, 03:29:17 PM »
Dear Alan,

All i could think of is just reach out my hands and hold yours in mine and in that silence share some verses from a valuable book called : The Healing Runes by Ralph Blum and Susan Loughan.

Rare indeed is the life that has not been touched by Grief.
Without the experience of grieving, you may never move beyond that which has caused you so much sadness, so much pain..........feel your grief and embrace it.
For it is in the depths of Grief that we come to know and value life.

................here is hoping that YOU look to the care of your heart.

Sending you lots of warm regards

Wd

Offline Cheetara74

  • Member
  • Posts: 46
Re: Losing a Dear Friend
« Reply #6 on: January 27, 2008, 03:42:52 PM »
Dear Alan,
I know you don't know me but I want to say how sorry I am for your lost.  Good friends are hard to find and to lose one to this deadly disease is horrible.  I'm glad that you were with your friend in the end.  I bet that meant a lot to him. 

I extend hugs to you.  Again, I'm sorry for your loss.

Offline Matty the Damned

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Re: Losing a Dear Friend
« Reply #7 on: January 27, 2008, 03:55:26 PM »
Vale Kevin.

MtD

Offline Cliff

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Re: Losing a Dear Friend
« Reply #8 on: January 27, 2008, 03:59:44 PM »
Alan,

I'm sorry for your loss.  I'm glad your friend was able to be with those that love him in his final hours.

Cliff

Online Dachshund

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Re: Losing a Dear Friend
« Reply #9 on: January 27, 2008, 04:00:21 PM »
My condolences Alan.

Hal

Offline anniebc

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Re: Losing a Dear Friend
« Reply #10 on: January 27, 2008, 04:12:00 PM »
Dearest Alan

I'm so sorry to hear about the loss of Kevin, I'm glad you were able to be there for him in his final hour.

Love and prayers to you and to Kevins family.

Hugs
Jan :'(
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
Never knock on deaths door..ring the bell and run..he really hates that.

Offline bryonut

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  • I'm not just sure, I'm HIV positive!
Re: Losing a Dear Friend
« Reply #11 on: January 27, 2008, 04:16:04 PM »
So sorry for the loss of your friend.

My thoughts are with you.

bry

Offline emeraldize

  • Member
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Re: Losing a Dear Friend
« Reply #12 on: January 27, 2008, 04:18:11 PM »
Hi Alan

Thinking of you.

Em

Offline minismom

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  • Quocumque jeceris stabit
Re: Losing a Dear Friend
« Reply #13 on: January 27, 2008, 04:28:19 PM »
So very sorry for your loss, Alan.  My thoughts and prayers are with you and Kevin's family.

Mum
www.watoto.com
www.MotherBearProject.org
"Whichever way you throw me, i will stand"
"Don't worry about the world coming to an end today...it's already tomorrow in Australia"  Charles Schultz

Offline Andy Velez

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Re: Losing a Dear Friend
« Reply #14 on: January 27, 2008, 04:31:12 PM »
My condolences to you, Alan. I'm glad you were able to be with hiim at the end, for both your sakes. It must have been very comforting for him to have your loving there with him.

Big long hugs to you, buddy.

Andy Velez

Online Miss Philicia

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Re: Losing a Dear Friend
« Reply #15 on: January 27, 2008, 04:46:58 PM »
I'm so sorry to hear this Alan.  My thoughts are with you.

David
"Iíve slept with enough men to know that Iím not gay"

Offline lonewolf

  • Member
  • Posts: 96
Re: Losing a Dear Friend
« Reply #16 on: January 27, 2008, 04:51:26 PM »
Dearest Allen, 
You have touched so many hearts since I have gotten to know you.  It was a real blessing for Kevin for you to be with him as he passed.
I am hurting for you as well as Kevin and his loved ones. 
Just know, during this tough time, you as well as Kevin are in the hearts and minds of many people. 
My prayers, tears, and love to you.
Bruce
"To all within the sound of my voice, I appeal: Learn with me the lessons of history and of grace, so my children will not be afraid to say the word ďAIDSĒ when I am gone. Then, their children and yours may not need to whisper it at all."  Mary Fisher

Offline Snowangel

  • Member
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Re: Losing a Dear Friend
« Reply #17 on: January 27, 2008, 05:05:18 PM »
My heart and my prayers go out to you, Alanbama!
Snow
Of all the things you wear, your expression is the most important

The heaviest thing you can carry is a grudge..

One thing you can give and still keep...is your word.

One thing you can't recycle is wasted time.

Offline aztecan

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  • 29 years positive, 56 years a pain in the butt
Re: Losing a Dear Friend
« Reply #18 on: January 27, 2008, 05:38:16 PM »
Alan,

My deepest condolences on Kevin's passing.

Rest in peace, Kevin.

HUGS,

Mark
"May your life preach more loudly than your lips."
~ William Ellery Channing (Unitarian Minister)

Offline sweetasmeli

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  • Love what you are...
Re: Losing a Dear Friend
« Reply #19 on: January 27, 2008, 05:51:01 PM »
Oh Alan, Iím so sorry for your sad loss. My condolences to you and Kevinís loved ones. I wish I could be there to give you a hug right now. Please know that youíre in my thoughts often and especially tonight.

With much love
Debra xxx
/\___/\       /\__/\
(=' . '=)    (=' . '=)
(,,,_ ,,,)/   (,,,_ ,,,)/ Cats rule!

The difference between cats and dogs is that dogs come when called, whereas cats take a message and get back to you.

Yeia kai hara (health and happiness) to everyone!

Offline BT65

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Re: Losing a Dear Friend
« Reply #20 on: January 27, 2008, 06:01:49 PM »
Oh Alan, I am so sorry to hear about your loss.  I'm sure your presence brought your friend Kevin peace at the end of his journey.  Huge giant {{hugs}} to you, my friend.
Peace~
Betty :'(
I've never killed anyone, but I frequently get satisfaction reading the obituary notices.-Clarence Darrow

Offline PeteNYNJ

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    • Dance for Me, Puppets
Re: Losing a Dear Friend
« Reply #21 on: January 27, 2008, 06:06:08 PM »
I am sorry for your loss Alan...feel free to PM me if you need to chat.

Pete

Offline pozniceguy

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  • Niceguy Dallas
Re: Losing a Dear Friend
« Reply #22 on: January 27, 2008, 06:14:03 PM »
Alan  good friends are a rare commodity...you are certainly a  good friend and I am so sorry you lost a good friend..... we all share your sadness...

Nick
remember the good times...honor the past but don't live there
Le stelle la notte sono grandie luminose, nel cuore profondo del Texas

Offline heartforyou

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  • Posts: 1,103
  • I must be a survivor in many ways...
Re: Losing a Dear Friend
« Reply #23 on: January 27, 2008, 06:54:38 PM »
O Alan.. may he finally find peace.

I know you know how it feels to loose friends.. we oth have lost so many... damed .. this is a day i hate this fucking disease; not only for what it did to Kevin, but for what it did to you by taking him away.
Love

Herman
Diagnosed in 1987 and still kicking
Viread, Kivexa (Epzicom),Viramune once daily

Happiness is the freedom of breathing fresh air every day.

Offline J.R.E.

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  • Joined Dec-2003 Living positive, since 1985.
Re: Losing a Dear Friend
« Reply #24 on: January 27, 2008, 07:01:18 PM »
Dear Alan,

My deepest thoughts and condolences, go out to you and Kevins family... Having been at the bedside of those friends that have passed, I know and understand how painful this is. Be strong...


Ray
Current Meds ; Viramune, Epzicom, 40mg of simvastatin, 12.5mg of Hydrochlorothiazide.
Metoprolol tartrate 25mg



http://forums.poz.com/index.php?topic=40802.0

http://forums.poz.com/index.php?topic=45159.0

http://forums.poz.com/index.php?topic=39722.msg495621;topicseen#msg495621

http://forums.poz.com/index.php?topic=46806.0

http://forums.poz.com/index.php?topic=39414.msg491701#msg491701


 In October of 2003, My t-cell count was 16, Viral load was over 500,000, Percentage at that time was 5%. I started my first  HAART regimen  on October 24th,03.

 As of 6/4/14,  t-cells are at 423, Viral load <40

 Current % is at 13% 

  
 62 years young.

Online RapidRod

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Re: Losing a Dear Friend
« Reply #25 on: January 27, 2008, 07:14:36 PM »
My condolences go out to you Alan.

Rodney

Offline lucas clay

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Re: Losing a Dear Friend
« Reply #26 on: January 27, 2008, 07:33:42 PM »
Alan
My deepest condolences go out to you and Kevins family, along with prayers for strength for you and the family.
He will always be with you.

                                                           Lucas

Offline Jody

  • Member
  • Posts: 1,816
Re: Losing a Dear Friend
« Reply #27 on: January 27, 2008, 07:52:08 PM »
Dear Alan...I'm saddened to read about Kevin's passing, you are such a good friend to have been there for him in his final hours.

Take care of yourself and be well.

Jody  :'(
"Wake up to find out that you are the eyes of the world".
 "Try to discover that you are the song that the morning brings."

Grateful Dead

Offline jabez

  • Member
  • Posts: 97
Re: Losing a Dear Friend
« Reply #28 on: January 27, 2008, 08:03:06 PM »
I am so sorry to hear this.  I will say a prayer for Kevin's spirit.  I hate AIDS.  I'm glad that you were there for him at the end.   
Sept 2007 -- CD4 = 68; VL = 469,000
Started Atripla Sept 21, 2007
Nov 2007-CD4=217;VL=332
Feb 2008-CD4=237;VL=<50
Apr 2008-CD4=271;VL=66
Aug 2008-CD4=440;VL=52
Jan 2009-CD4=403;VL=61
May 2009-CD4=480;VL=129
Sep 2009-CD4=376;VL<40
Jan 2010-CD4=476;VL<40
Jul 2010-CD4=539;VL<40
Jan 2011-CD4=461;VL=53
Jul 2011-CD4=515;VL<20
Jan 2012-CD4=506;VL=54
Aug 2012-CD4=440;VL=21
Jan 2013-CD4=447;VL=<20
Jul 2013-CD4=406; VL=<20

Offline MOONLIGHT1114

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  • Cheech 2.2.94 - 4.23.10 We miss you so much!
Re: Losing a Dear Friend
« Reply #29 on: January 27, 2008, 08:15:36 PM »
Hi Alan~

I am so sorry to hear about Kevin.  My prayers are for you tonight.

Much love,

~ Cindy
HIV+ since '93, 1/12 - CD4 785 and undet.   WOO-HOO!!

Offline komnaes

  • Member
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Re: Losing a Dear Friend
« Reply #30 on: January 27, 2008, 11:02:42 PM »
I am so sorry to hear the news Alan, but don't forget to take care of yourself and don't let the grief takes over.

Big hugs to you, Shaun

Aug 07 Diagnosed
Oct 07 CD4=446(19%) Feb 08 CD4=421(19%)
Jun 08 CD4=325(22%) Jul 08 CD4=301(18%)
Sep 08 CD4=257/VL=75,000 Oct 08 CD4=347(16%)
Dec 08 CD4=270(16%)
Jan 09 CD4=246(13%)/VL=10,000
Feb 09 CD4=233(15%)/VL=13,000
Started meds Sustiva/Epzicom
May 09 CD4=333(24%)/VL=650
Aug 09 CD4=346(24%)/VL=UD
Nov 09 CD4=437(26%)/VL=UD
Feb 10 CD4=471(31%)/VL=UD
June 10 CD4=517 (28%)/VL=UD
Sept 10 CD4=687 (31%)/VL=UD
Jan 11 CD4=557 (30%)/VL=UD
April 11 CD4=569 (32%)/VL=UD
Switched to Epizcom, Reyataz and Norvir
(Interrupted for 2 months with only Epizcom & Reyataz)
July 11 CD=520 (28%)/VL=UD
Oct 11 CD=771 (31%)/VL=UD(<30)
April 12 CD=609 (28%)/VL=UD(<20)
Aug 12 CD=657 (29%)/VL=UD(<20)
Dec 12 CD=532 (31%)/VL=UD(<20)
May 13 CD=567 (31%)/VL=UD(<20)
Jan 14 CD=521 (21%)/VL=UD(<50)

Offline joemutt

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Re: Losing a Dear Friend
« Reply #31 on: January 27, 2008, 11:21:43 PM »
I am sorry for your loss Alan, and I salute the good friend you are.

Offline sharkdiver

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Re: Losing a Dear Friend
« Reply #32 on: January 27, 2008, 11:41:47 PM »
Bless you Alan for being there for him.

Tonight my prayers  are with you and your dear friend Kevin.
May he live in your heart forever.

Sharkie

Offline BrooklynGuy

  • Member
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  • Tomorrow is not a promise, it's a gift.
Re: Losing a Dear Friend
« Reply #33 on: January 28, 2008, 08:32:28 AM »
Alan,

My sincerest condolences go out to you.

I hope that I have a friend like you with me when it's my end.
Infected:  Probably 1995
Diagnosed: June 2005
Baseline VL: 650,000
Baseline CD4: 30

Last Dr. Visit: 12/2013
VL: Undetectable
CD4: 700
Meds: Complera

Offline Peter6836

  • Member
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  • Me and my Granddaughter Noa
Re: Losing a Dear Friend
« Reply #34 on: January 28, 2008, 09:43:25 AM »
Alan,
My thoughts are with you.
Thank you for being with your friend and being able to express that he was loved. I hope that some day I am blessed to have a friend with me like you.
Also thank you for the reminder that this disease is killing many of us out there we need to take it seriously.
With Love
Peter

Dan J.

  • Guest
Re: Losing a Dear Friend
« Reply #35 on: January 28, 2008, 09:52:04 AM »
Alan,

My thoughts are with you.

Love,

Dan


Offline AlanBama

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  • Alabama: the 'other' 3rd World Country!
Re: Losing a Dear Friend
« Reply #36 on: January 28, 2008, 10:30:14 AM »
Thank you so much, everyone, for the condolences and the outpouring of love.   It really helps.

Kevin's funeral will be tomorrow at 2pm.   His mother asked me to be a pallbearer.   That's going to be tough, considering that we were such good friends; but how do you say no in a time like that?   I will manage to get through it.

Some of you may recall that I have posted briefly about Kevin over the past few years, with regard to the fact that I felt some guilt that I was doing so well on my meds, and he was not.   He was the most compliant person I have ever known with his drug schedule...but it just wasn't enough.   He had been on the verge of kidney failure for quite awhile now, and he did not want to face dialysis.   I am thankful that now he won't have to.

Thanks again for the love and support, and for your prayers.

Alan
"Remember my sentimental friend that a heart is not judged by how much you love, but by how much you are loved by others." - The Wizard of Oz

Offline BT65

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Re: Losing a Dear Friend
« Reply #37 on: January 28, 2008, 10:32:16 AM »
Dear Alan, I will be thinking of you tomorrow afternoon and sending lots of good thoughts your way.
Luv you-
Betty
I've never killed anyone, but I frequently get satisfaction reading the obituary notices.-Clarence Darrow

tendai

  • Guest
Re: Losing a Dear Friend
« Reply #38 on: January 28, 2008, 10:41:51 AM »
i'm so sorry for your loss Alan

Offline randym431

  • Member
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Re: Losing a Dear Friend
« Reply #39 on: January 28, 2008, 01:35:51 PM »
So sorry to hear this.
Many still have a very hard time, despite advancements in medicine.
So many other things can come into play.
He is at peace now, in a pleasant place along with so many others we have known.
I wish you peace of mind knowing you were a friend up to the very end.
He knew that. Thats what it is all about.

Offline David_CA

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  • Joined: March 2006
Re: Losing a Dear Friend
« Reply #40 on: January 28, 2008, 02:07:09 PM »
Alan,
I'm sorry to hear of your loss; it just doesn't seem to stop.  Kevin was fortunate to have you there at the end.  Your in our thoughts.  Take care.

David
Black Friday 03-03-2006
03-23-06 CD4 359 @27.4% VL 75,938
06-01-06 CD4 462 @24.3% VL > 100,000
08-15-06 CD4 388 @22.8% VL >  "
10-21-06 CD4 285 @21.9% VL >  "
  Atripla started 12-01-2006
01-08-07 CD4 429 @26.8% VL 1872!
05-08-07 CD4 478 @28.1% VL 740
08-03-07 CD4 509 @31.8% VL 370
11-06-07 CD4 570 @30.0% VL 140
02-21-08 CD4 648 @32.4% VL 600
05-19-08 CD4 695 @33.1% VL < 48 undetectable!
08-21-08 CD4 725 @34.5%
11-11-08 CD4 672 @39.5%
02-11-09 CD4 773 @36.8%
05-11-09 CD4 615 @36.2%
08-19-09 CD4 770 @38.5%
11-19-09 CD4 944 @33.7%
02-17-10 CD4 678 @39.9%  
06-03-10 CD4 768 @34.9%
09-21-10 CD4 685 @40.3%
01-10-11 CD4 908 @36.3%
05-23-11 CD4 846 @36.8% VL 80
02-13-12 CD4 911 @41.4% VL<20
You must be the change you want to see in the world.  Mahatma Gandhi

Offline gemini20

  • Member
  • Posts: 262
Re: Losing a Dear Friend
« Reply #41 on: January 28, 2008, 02:14:01 PM »
Dear Alan,

Words always seem so hopelessly inadequate at times like this and yet that's all I can offer to support you at this most difficult of times.

Cherish the shared memories you have created together and that way he will continue to be a presence in your life forever.

My thoughts and prayers are with you Alan and for Kevin's family and his other friends as you deal with his death and prepare for the funeral tomorrow.

Take care,

Emma
Diagnosed 11th September 1991
Current CD4 count 484 (26%); viral load undetectable (December 2011).
Restarting boosted Prezista 08/04/11

Offline allanq

  • Member
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  • still life with pills
Re: Losing a Dear Friend
« Reply #42 on: January 28, 2008, 02:32:54 PM »
Alan,

That Kevin was a dear friend of yours tells me that he was a very fine person. My condolences to you and to his family.

Allan
Top (Breakfast): Prezista, Norvir, Isentress, Zoloft (2), Glyburide (2), Aspirin
Bottom right (Dinner): Prezista, Norvir, Isentress
Bottom left (Bedtime): Sustiva, Trazodone (2), Lipitor, Septra (no longer taking this)
Center: Alprazolam (Xanax)
Not shown: various vitamins & supplements

Offline DanielMark

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Re: Losing a Dear Friend
« Reply #43 on: January 28, 2008, 02:39:45 PM »
My condolences to you, Alan.

Daniel
MEDS: REYATAZ & KIVEXA (SINCE AUG 2008)

MAY 2000 LAB RESULTS: CD4 678
VL STILL UNDETECTABLE

DIAGNOSED IN 1988

Offline englishgirl

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Re: Losing a Dear Friend
« Reply #44 on: January 28, 2008, 03:13:31 PM »
dearest alan
im thinking of you at this difficult time and send you lots of love
im sure that having you there helped him and his family greatly
i will keep you in my thoughts tomorrow especially
with much love
xxxx
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"I'm not keen on the idea of the afterlife - not without knowing who else will be there and what the entertainment will be. Personally I'd rather just take a rest." Oscar Berger, PWA: Looking AIDS in the Face, 1996. RIP.

Offline water duck

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Re: Losing a Dear Friend
« Reply #45 on: January 28, 2008, 05:33:10 PM »
...................i am sure he would like you to stand tall for him......................
I am sure you would, my thoughts are with you tomorrow when you ............................

Wd

Offline NLEWLAD

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Re: Losing a Dear Friend
« Reply #46 on: January 28, 2008, 05:53:22 PM »
As a new pozzie your post makes my infection even more real, i totaly and utterly send out my condolancies to you.   At the moment i dont have many friends and my parents dont know i hope that i meet someone like you to be with me at my end


i am so sorry for your loss.

simon
Simon - Location Manchester England
Negative test 10/11/07
Tested poz 28/12/07
Confirmed WB 07/01/08
Sero-converted Late December 07

Date        CD4            %              VL

7/01/08   1273 :)      N/A       100,232
24/01/08   755 :(      42%         4,010
13/2/08     922 :)      45%       78,234
09/04/08   652 :(      38%       36,604
05/05/08   936 :)      39%       38,952
07/07/08   844 :)      34%       24,000
12/11/08   753 :(      31%       45,600
no meds yet:)

Offline water duck

  • Member
  • Posts: 397
Re: Losing a Dear Friend
« Reply #47 on: January 28, 2008, 06:00:17 PM »
NLEWLAD,

it may be best that you start a new thead so encouragement can be attribute to your needs.

Offline NLEWLAD

  • Member
  • Posts: 230
  • Anything is possible, ANYTHING
Re: Losing a Dear Friend
« Reply #48 on: January 28, 2008, 06:08:25 PM »
water duck - thank you for your comments

i am dealing with the infection fine at the moment, this thread brought a few truths home to me, but again i am feeling the reality i wanted to let the poster know i was sorry for his greif.

pm me if yo liike.


thank you btw
Simon - Location Manchester England
Negative test 10/11/07
Tested poz 28/12/07
Confirmed WB 07/01/08
Sero-converted Late December 07

Date        CD4            %              VL

7/01/08   1273 :)      N/A       100,232
24/01/08   755 :(      42%         4,010
13/2/08     922 :)      45%       78,234
09/04/08   652 :(      38%       36,604
05/05/08   936 :)      39%       38,952
07/07/08   844 :)      34%       24,000
12/11/08   753 :(      31%       45,600
no meds yet:)

Offline water duck

  • Member
  • Posts: 397
Re: Losing a Dear Friend
« Reply #49 on: January 28, 2008, 06:42:20 PM »
...............do not mixed coming to terms with infection and GRIEF.........................
Like yin and yang , one cannot exist without the other....................

Sorry , i am being selfish, this is about Alan's grief, i am posting because of that .............
.................otherwise , believe me i would not have bothered.

 


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