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Author Topic: Reflection on a journey... Dan is on his way back home  (Read 2413 times)

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Offline heartforyou

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  • I must be a survivor in many ways...
Reflection on a journey... Dan is on his way back home
« on: January 23, 2008, 03:04:24 PM »
It has been a beautiful 1 month with Dan at my side.
So many snugly moments to relive, so many romantic moments to thrive on, so many moments of not feeling alone.

He is gone now...I felt miserable this morning when I dropped him off at the airport in Brussels.
Poor Lola didn't want to move from the spot where she saw him disappear into the crowds.

I have experienced how different life is when you have a loved one next to you. Days seem to fly by and never have I longed more  for the intimacy of the night when we were both in each others arms.
21 years of mutual HIV creates a very strong bond.

However, realising that Dan cannot live here ( low income, homesick, foreign language) and I cannot move to the US due to HIV it was a painful departure, as we both felt like Romeo and Juliette. Dan told me to find someone to share my life with in Belgium... but how can I turn the knob of my heart?
Once again the cruel reality of this existence has shown itself to me... once more I have to leave behind someone I deeply love...

I am sitting alone in the same room we sat in for the last month and only hear the sound of my fingers on the keyboard.

Herman :(

But I would never trade the experience with Dan being here...and memories are forever in my heart. Nobody can take those away.
Diagnosed in 1987 and still kicking
Kivexa (Epzicom),Tivicay once daily.

Switching to Viramune, Isentress and Emtriva

Happiness is the freedom of breathing fresh air every day.

Offline thunter34

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Re: Reflection on a journey... Dan is on his way back home
« Reply #1 on: January 23, 2008, 03:27:14 PM »
Ah, Hermie...it's gotta suck somewhat.  Every high comes with a crash.  I guess the best thing to do is try your darndest to think of it like this:

You just saw him for a month...you got to see him a few months ago also, so:

Try to simply look forward to the next time, and fill the time between with the ways you can be together - through here, the phone, mail...what have you.

I guess that's really the only thing to do. 

And savor the good times you've just had, trying hard not to let the post-party blues overpower you.

Don't know what else to say.

AIDS isn't for sissies.

Offline pozniceguy

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Re: Reflection on a journey... Dan is on his way back home
« Reply #2 on: January 23, 2008, 03:59:50 PM »
Hermie...i remember the great time you two had in SF  and for this time  I share my motto..".remember the good times..honor the past but don't live there"   It has served me well for many years     pos since 1994..

remember the good times...honor the past but don't live there
Le stelle la notte sono grandie luminose, nel cuore profondo del Texas

Offline BT65

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Re: Reflection on a journey... Dan is on his way back home
« Reply #3 on: January 23, 2008, 04:53:31 PM »
Aw, Hermie.  It really makes me sad to think that the time you two spent together has ended (for now).   Just remember those times fondly.  Talk to each other by phone, send a card etc.  I know memories don't replace having the person there, but they will do in a pinch.  Le sigh.  I think I'm going to go take a nap. :'(
I've never killed anyone, but I frequently get satisfaction reading the obituary notices.-Clarence Darrow

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Offline Iggy

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Re: Reflection on a journey... Dan is on his way back home
« Reply #4 on: January 23, 2008, 05:13:51 PM »
Herman (and Dan)

I know what you mean when you see someone you love get on that plane (or you get on it yourself) and not certain exactly when you can be together again...hell - even when you do know the when, it still sucks to be apart.

This is a hard time but I hope you two can make it through together.  We don't know what changes in the U.S. law may bring, and I am more hopeful than not that those changes are within a year or two if not sooner.  Keep strong you two!

All my best,


Offline MOONLIGHT1114

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Re: Reflection on a journey... Dan is on his way back home
« Reply #5 on: January 23, 2008, 06:49:58 PM »
I have faith that this isn't over for the two of you.  Stay strong!
HIV+ since '93, 1/12 - CD4 785 and undet.   WOO-HOO!!

Offline bear60

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Re: Reflection on a journey... Dan is on his way back home
« Reply #6 on: January 23, 2008, 07:44:42 PM »
OH GUYS....KEEP THE GOOD MEMORIES IN YOUR HEARTS.  When you are alone think of the good memories and not the pain of being separated.
And if you dont already know this song...its for you
Poz Bear Type in Philadelphia

Offline Andy Velez

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Re: Reflection on a journey... Dan is on his way back home
« Reply #7 on: January 23, 2008, 09:47:46 PM »
WOW! It sure seemed as if that visit went so quickly -- all too quickly it sounds like from what you've written, Hermie.

After the painful dealing with parting hopefully the sweetness is what will remain for both of you. You're fortunate guys to have found each other and had what you've had. Let's see what's coming next.

Cheers, Hermie,
Andy Velez

Offline komnaes

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Re: Reflection on a journey... Dan is on his way back home
« Reply #8 on: January 24, 2008, 02:19:54 AM »
Hey Hermie/Dan

I have said it before somewhere - your advantures are inspiring and as a newbie then I remember I logged on regularly to check what was going with Dan while he was in the hospital and had to miss the trip. Then he recovered, and before we knew it he was in Belgium, and now a month has passed! I am so thankful that you guys shared with us all these moments, and I still remember how happy I felt for you both when Dan finally was on his way...

I do believe that whether it's up to you both - sure, the problems (finance, job, immigration restrictions, etc) seems massive.. but so was Dan's health problem before he left. What's more important is that you're both still alive! There's always a way when you're alive!  ;)

Hugs, Shaun..
Aug 07 Diagnosed
Oct 07 CD4=446(19%) Feb 08 CD4=421(19%)
Jun 08 CD4=325(22%) Jul 08 CD4=301(18%)
Sep 08 CD4=257/VL=75,000 Oct 08 CD4=347(16%)
Dec 08 CD4=270(16%)
Jan 09 CD4=246(13%)/VL=10,000
Feb 09 CD4=233(15%)/VL=13,000
Started meds Sustiva/Epzicom
May 09 CD4=333(24%)/VL=650
Aug 09 CD4=346(24%)/VL=UD
Nov 09 CD4=437(26%)/VL=UD
Feb 10 CD4=471(31%)/VL=UD
June 10 CD4=517 (28%)/VL=UD
Sept 10 CD4=687 (31%)/VL=UD
Jan 11 CD4=557 (30%)/VL=UD
April 11 CD4=569 (32%)/VL=UD
Switched to Epizcom, Reyataz and Norvir
(Interrupted for 2 months with only Epizcom & Reyataz)
July 11 CD=520 (28%)/VL=UD
Oct 11 CD=771 (31%)/VL=UD(<30)
April 12 CD=609 (28%)/VL=UD(<20)
Aug 12 CD=657 (29%)/VL=UD(<20)
Dec 12 CD=532 (31%)/VL=UD(<20)
May 13 CD=567 (31%)/VL=UD(<20)
Jan 14 CD=521 (21%)/VL=UD(<50)

Offline Dragonette

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Re: Reflection on a journey... Dan is on his way back home
« Reply #9 on: January 24, 2008, 08:16:56 AM »
Dear Hermie & Dan

You guys are so sweet together... you really complement each other. I couldn't beleive how Dan bounced back from being so sick like that, I couldn't beleive how vibrant you both are. It's too bad we had such a short time together.

As someone who is also torn btw love and homesickness, I know how it is... it's a tough tough descisions to make. Either way your heart breaks... somehow we have to find the best way. I still haven't found it yet, probabaly one of us will eventually move to the country of the other and make many trips home. In my case things are worse b/c I have no siblings with my parents. I am so afraid that the happiness I have now is just a bubble, and what when we have kids. But I know that people do these things, how exactly I don't know. Probabaly the one who'll have to stay away is me. In your case you don't have even a choice to move to the US. It's so tough, maybe for now you can keep this long diatance relationship going. Cos we have to get love when we find it... grab happiness when it comes our way.

husg & best to you both,
"If you keep one foot in yesterday, and one in tomorrow, you piss all over today". Betty Tacy


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