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Author Topic: Those Crazy Christians!  (Read 2345 times)

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Offline Matty the Damned

  • Member
  • Posts: 12,228
  • Ninja Please
Those Crazy Christians!
« on: January 22, 2008, 02:53:04 AM »
Matty the Damned hopes you enjoy this collection of the 100 Greatest Quotes from Fundamentalist Christian Chat Rooms as much as he did.

My favourite has to be this astonishing study in self-delusion from concerned mother "Linda":

I am a bit troubled. I believe my son has a girlfriend, because she left a dirty magazine with men in it under his bed. My son is only 16 and I really don't think he's ready to date yet. What's worse is that he's sneaking some girl to his room behind my back. I need help, God! I want my son to stop being so secretive!


Although Renaissance man "Uberbeliever" is not without his charms:

A woman wants to abort a rape child? She should have thought of that before she walked down that dark alley without a male prescence, not to mention she should have thought before putting on revealing attire.

[Yes. It should (be legal). Otherwise you're screwing over the women who don't deserve their fate.]

Are you calling them victims now? Should've stayed in the house where it's safe.


And it is hard to go past "EnemyPartyII" with this snappy demolition of godless science:

Everyone knows scientists insist on using complex terminology to make it harder for True Christians to refute their claims.

Deoxyribonucleic Acid, for example... sounds impressive, right? But have you ever seen what happens if you put something in acid? It dissolves! If we had all this acid in our cells, we'd all dissolve! So much for the Theory of Evolution, Check MATE!


Check mate indeed. :)

MtD
(Who reminds everyone that these people vote)

Offline anniebc

  • Member
  • Posts: 5,939
  • AM member since 2003
Re: Those Crazy Christians!
« Reply #1 on: January 22, 2008, 03:46:18 AM »
Quote
Of-course religious people do bad things sometimes. But at least their religion forces them to acknowledge within themselves the evil they do. Atheists have no such guidance. They are just like psychopaths! Cold, mechanical, soul-dead!

Now we know why Matty is an Evil genius..he had no guidence.. ;)

And this one just confused the life out of me..does anyone actually know what "Captain Planet" is talking about.

Quote
When two guy's have sex they can only penetrate eachother through the crack which I think is disgusting because of all the crap that's in there. They both must face the same direction and thus one guy's twig and berries will be projecting from the two. Because no man has a vagina they can't become one flesh when having normal sex.

Women don't have Jimmy and his two buddies hanging around so they can't naturally penetrate eachother and become one flesh.

Oral with dudes can't be natural because the legs will be poking out from different directions as will the ladies if they participate in oral sex.

Oral with the opposite sex still isn't natural because you still have the leg issue and often someone is further down if they are not on top of eachother.

Anal with opposites is still excluded from natural sex because once again your are sticking your think in a crap hole and a womans tits are usually projecting outward.

When the Bible is speaking of becoming one flesh it literally means that there is nothing sticking out in the clear and that the man and woman are facing eachother. Face to Face.

Captain Planet

I have just read 100 quotes spouting the biggest load of Sh*t ever put into print...but it's a slow night there's nothing much on telly and I was getting bored...it helped pass the time.. :D

Hugs
Jan :-*
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
Never knock on deaths door..ring the bell and run..he really hates that.

Offline komnaes

  • Member
  • Posts: 1,893
Re: Those Crazy Christians!
« Reply #2 on: January 22, 2008, 03:53:24 AM »
I like this one best:

You are banned. You are not a Christian for Christians don't accuse brothers and sisters in Christ of being non-Christian.
Aug 07 Diagnosed
Oct 07 CD4=446(19%) Feb 08 CD4=421(19%)
Jun 08 CD4=325(22%) Jul 08 CD4=301(18%)
Sep 08 CD4=257/VL=75,000 Oct 08 CD4=347(16%)
Dec 08 CD4=270(16%)
Jan 09 CD4=246(13%)/VL=10,000
Feb 09 CD4=233(15%)/VL=13,000
Started meds Sustiva/Epzicom
May 09 CD4=333(24%)/VL=650
Aug 09 CD4=346(24%)/VL=UD
Nov 09 CD4=437(26%)/VL=UD
Feb 10 CD4=471(31%)/VL=UD
June 10 CD4=517 (28%)/VL=UD
Sept 10 CD4=687 (31%)/VL=UD
Jan 11 CD4=557 (30%)/VL=UD
April 11 CD4=569 (32%)/VL=UD
Switched to Epizcom, Reyataz and Norvir
(Interrupted for 2 months with only Epizcom & Reyataz)
July 11 CD=520 (28%)/VL=UD
Oct 11 CD=771 (31%)/VL=UD(<30)
April 12 CD=609 (28%)/VL=UD(<20)
Aug 12 CD=657 (29%)/VL=UD(<20)
Dec 12 CD=532 (31%)/VL=UD(<20)
May 13 CD=567 (31%)/VL=UD(<20)
Jan 14 CD=521 (21%)/VL=UD(<50)

Offline anniebc

  • Member
  • Posts: 5,939
  • AM member since 2003
Re: Those Crazy Christians!
« Reply #3 on: January 22, 2008, 04:14:05 AM »
Quote
You are banned. You are not a Christian for Christians don't accuse brothers and sisters in Christ of being non-Christian

OMG they should wash their mouths out with soap, I wonder how many christians were screamimg for blood over that statement..so to save yourself from being banned from this christian site it's ok to post things like this:

Quote
If you call yourself a person of God and refuse to help arrest faggots, you belie yourself and prove you do not belong to the God who is committed to burning faggots.

If you refuse to help arrest faggots, you really should expect to be left behind when God comes to collect His people.

Neal

How sad.

Hugs
Jan :-*

-----------------------------------------------------------------------
Never knock on deaths door..ring the bell and run..he really hates that.

Offline komnaes

  • Member
  • Posts: 1,893
Re: Those Crazy Christians!
« Reply #4 on: January 22, 2008, 04:58:41 AM »
It just goes to show how easier humanity can decline to this level of nonsense and brutality in an internet forum where true identities can be hidden, which reminds me how lucky we are to have this space that is civil and supportive. Thanks.
Aug 07 Diagnosed
Oct 07 CD4=446(19%) Feb 08 CD4=421(19%)
Jun 08 CD4=325(22%) Jul 08 CD4=301(18%)
Sep 08 CD4=257/VL=75,000 Oct 08 CD4=347(16%)
Dec 08 CD4=270(16%)
Jan 09 CD4=246(13%)/VL=10,000
Feb 09 CD4=233(15%)/VL=13,000
Started meds Sustiva/Epzicom
May 09 CD4=333(24%)/VL=650
Aug 09 CD4=346(24%)/VL=UD
Nov 09 CD4=437(26%)/VL=UD
Feb 10 CD4=471(31%)/VL=UD
June 10 CD4=517 (28%)/VL=UD
Sept 10 CD4=687 (31%)/VL=UD
Jan 11 CD4=557 (30%)/VL=UD
April 11 CD4=569 (32%)/VL=UD
Switched to Epizcom, Reyataz and Norvir
(Interrupted for 2 months with only Epizcom & Reyataz)
July 11 CD=520 (28%)/VL=UD
Oct 11 CD=771 (31%)/VL=UD(<30)
April 12 CD=609 (28%)/VL=UD(<20)
Aug 12 CD=657 (29%)/VL=UD(<20)
Dec 12 CD=532 (31%)/VL=UD(<20)
May 13 CD=567 (31%)/VL=UD(<20)
Jan 14 CD=521 (21%)/VL=UD(<50)

Offline BT65

  • Global Moderator
  • Member
  • Posts: 9,945
Re: Those Crazy Christians!
« Reply #5 on: January 22, 2008, 07:53:22 AM »
And probably alot of these people would support Huckabee for president.
I've never killed anyone, but I frequently get satisfaction reading the obituary notices.-Clarence Darrow

Offline Ann

  • Administrator
  • Member
  • Posts: 28,140
  • It just is, OK?
    • Num is sum qui mentiar tibi?
Re: Those Crazy Christians!
« Reply #6 on: January 22, 2008, 08:23:38 AM »
Calling Miss Philly, calling Miss Philly.... do you know anything about this? I'm betting you've been there, done that!

Quote

No one knows what's happening until the flood comes (according to Matthew). And the flood is here - it refers to the apocalypse. There is a huge amount of supporting evidence on the site. For example, there is evidence for the wh0re of Babylon due to a 666 mile long penis in Mexico.


Enquiring minds want to know! ;D

Condoms are a girl's best friend

Condom and Lube Info  



"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline sharkdiver

  • Member
  • Posts: 1,350
Re: Those Crazy Christians!
« Reply #7 on: January 22, 2008, 09:32:59 AM »
I kinda like this one:

If the Bible is wrong when it tells us it is infallible, then it contradicts itself. If it contradicts itself, then it is unreliable. If it is unreliable, then our faith is totally shattered and Christianity is a lie. You need to seriously reconsider your logic.

teehee

Offline aztecan

  • Member
  • Posts: 5,398
  • 29 years positive, 57 years a pain in the butt
Re: Those Crazy Christians!
« Reply #8 on: January 22, 2008, 10:13:29 AM »
I couldn't pass this one up.

"This past spring I was expelled from my high school. Why? Because I'm a Christian. There was a girl in my class who was wiccan, and I didn't want demons to possess me or anyone else and save her from satan. So, I told her that her faith was evil and told her to accept Jesus as Savior and she would be saved. Simple as that. Just say the sinners prayer and you can be saved!

Well I got sent to the principal for that. She said I was 'discriminating' against her religion. I was only doing what the Bible, God, Jesus and my pastor said! How is that wrong!?

Well, afterwards I was forced to aplologize, even though it's a sin to, so I never meant what I said. So, instead I put a copy of a Jack Chick tract in her locker about how wicca and a paganism lead to murder, rape and other horrible things because it lets the devil get inside of you. I also left a little note about how she was going to hell. I was hoping she would see the error of her ways and repent from the evil, disgusting 'religion'.

Instead I was called down to the principal again and this time there were two police officers there. And they said I was under arrest for harrasing this girl and threatening her! What did I do? I just wanted her to accept Jesus and be saved! Now her family (all evil, stupid, disgusting god hating wiccans) want to sue me for discrimination and creating a hostile workplace! How is that fair? She's the one who's discriminating against me because I'm one with the LORD!

Jesus is the only way to salvation! It's that simple people! No pope, wicca, or anything stupid like that! JESUS ONLY! Why is is wrong to tell others that? It's all the fault of the ACLU and simlar atheist organizations trying to destroy us Christians. Next they'll want to genocide us for doing our Godly work."

"Genocide us," eh?

What can I say? This one really made me chuckle.

HUGS,

Mark
"May your life preach more loudly than your lips."
~ William Ellery Channing (Unitarian Minister)

Offline Oceanbeach

  • Member
  • Posts: 3,565
Re: Those Crazy Christians!
« Reply #9 on: January 23, 2008, 03:45:21 AM »
My Grandmother was a Witch, while my Grandfather was a Baptist Minister so... growing up at our house was not easy.

I did go to church as a teen, because I had a huge crush on a girl who was a member of that church.  I remember seeing a sign at our church which read:

Weight Watchers Group please use the wide doors on the side of the building
Have the best day
Michael

Offline Matty the Damned

  • Member
  • Posts: 12,228
  • Ninja Please
Re: Those Crazy Christians!
« Reply #10 on: January 23, 2008, 03:50:41 AM »
My Grandmother was a Witch, while my Grandfather was a Baptist Minister so... growing up at our house was not easy.

o.O

Y'know Michael, that explains an awful lot. ;)

MtD

Offline randym431

  • Member
  • Posts: 1,125
Re: Those Crazy Christians!
« Reply #11 on: January 23, 2008, 07:24:12 AM »
I'm kinda proud of this youtube I tossed together last weekend. A message at the end.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uhjNPyp6SMk

Offline BT65

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  • Member
  • Posts: 9,945
Re: Those Crazy Christians!
« Reply #12 on: January 23, 2008, 09:56:15 AM »
Nice piece, Randy.
I've never killed anyone, but I frequently get satisfaction reading the obituary notices.-Clarence Darrow

 


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