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Author Topic: I need to calm down!  (Read 1437 times)

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Offline Lillivanilli

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I need to calm down!
« on: September 10, 2008, 09:04:17 AM »

I found out that my husband had cheaded on me 7 weeks ago, once, with this woman, a friend of a friend. they had unprotected sex, anal and oral, maybe vaginal too. after that I have had unprotected sex with my husband about three times.

I didn`t think of the risk at all, because the woman is a mother, as my self, I kind of trusted she was clean but then i checked her background from my friend and found out that she likes to sleep around. always unprotected, that I do not know.

I started to panic, and get all these symptoms, like sore throat and head aches, and I got really scared after my husband got them too. but then again, so did the rest of the family, including couple of friends and granmother :)

I got tested last week(after 6 weeks), and got the results today: negative. I know that I need to get tested again after 6-7 weeks but I was already relieved. but then my husband said his lymph glands are swollen.

and now I panic again! how will I get over this? my husbands doctor assured him that it is very unlikely that he got infected, and I just keep wondering why would he say that? my husband gets tested when the necessary 13 weeks is up.

I am very nervous and scared and can`t stop thinking about it......

Offline Andy Velez

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Re: I need to calm down!
« Reply #1 on: September 10, 2008, 09:24:41 AM »
OK, here are a few basics, Lilli.

The average time to seroconversion is 22 days. All but the very smallest number of those who are going to seroconvert will do so within 4-6 weeks after an exposure. So a negative such as the one you just received is very, very unlikely to change when you re-test at 13 weeks. Also, transmission of HIV from a woman to a man is significantly more difficult to accomplish than from a man to a woman. And that's assuming the woman he was with is HIV+, which you don't know for sure.

Meanwhile, until you and your husband both test negative at the same time, and until you are confident your relationship is securely monogamous, he should be using a condom anytime you two have intercourse. That's something you two will have to work out together.

The only real risk for HIV transmission sexually is unprotected vaginal or anal intercourse.

Also, you used the term "clean." I am sure you didn't intend to be offensive to those living with HIV, but that's a term that we don't use here. Someone is either positive or negative. People with HIV aren't dirty. They are simply living with a virus.

Good luck with your test. I expect you to continue to test negative.   
Andy Velez

Offline Lillivanilli

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Re: I need to calm down!
« Reply #2 on: September 10, 2008, 09:32:48 AM »

thank you for your answer. you made me feel a whole lot better.
I apologize for the wrong term, but I am Finnish so I didn`t know the right word. I am sorry.

Offline Andy Velez

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Re: I need to calm down!
« Reply #3 on: September 11, 2008, 09:08:39 AM »
Glad you found our exchange to be helpful. And apology accepted about that term. I am sure you didn't intend harm.

Good luck with getting things sorted out successfully.
Andy Velez


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