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Author Topic: Please Help  (Read 5091 times)

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Offline pfm67

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Please Help
« on: January 07, 2008, 08:47:28 PM »
I  am a married man who recently experimented with a gay man. 

He performed oral sex on me for a few minutes, and I licked and kissed the side of his penis, but did not put the head in my mouth, nor did he ejaculate.  I did this for about 2 minutes.

I have 2 concerns, since I bite my lips and pick my cuticles to the point where they bleed at times. (nervous habits). 

Could I have been exposed via
 
1)my lips, if i came in contact with pre-cum and
2) if pre-cum got on my cuticle while touching his penis

Im not sure either actually happened, but all this has me worried.

I appreciate any responses.  Thank you.

 
« Last Edit: January 07, 2008, 08:49:06 PM by pfm67 »

Offline RapidRod

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Re: Please Help
« Reply #1 on: January 07, 2008, 09:03:12 PM »
1. No
2. No

Offline Andy Velez

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Re: Please Help
« Reply #2 on: January 07, 2008, 09:44:04 PM »
Nothing that you did put you at risk for HIV transmission. Getting your dick sucked is nil for risk. In the entire history of the epidemic no guy has ever been confirmed to have been infected that way. And it's safe to say you won't make history by becoming the first. As far as your getting a bit of a taste of his penis, there was nothing risky about anything you did. And giving head is risky more in theory than in the real world of HIV science.

Please read our lesson on transmission. There's a link to it in the Welcome thread which opens this section.

Because you are apparently new to male to male sex and plus you're married, this often stirs up a lot of anxiety in guys even when there was no real risk for HIV. So be aware of that before your head starts going nutty about this stuff. Just make sure that if you have intercourse with anyone outside of your relationship, whether male or female, that whoever is the insertive partner is always wearing a condom.

This time out I don't see any cause for concern about HIV.
Andy Velez

Offline pfm67

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Re: Please Help
« Reply #3 on: January 07, 2008, 10:02:10 PM »
I appreciate the feedback from all


Andy, would the possible contact of pre-ejac. fluid in contact with a bitten cuticle be cause for concern?

Thank you again.

Offline Matty the Damned

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Re: Please Help
« Reply #4 on: January 07, 2008, 10:15:54 PM »
Andy, would the possible contact of pre-ejac. fluid in contact with a bitten cuticle be cause for concern?

No. Pre-cum on a bitten cuticle is not a risk for HIV transmission.

MtD

Offline pfm67

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Obsessing
« Reply #5 on: January 10, 2008, 10:24:28 AM »
Hello.  I posted recently and wanted to thank everyone for their responses.

I am a married male and recently had a experience with another man.  I think the guilt is really getting to me, but I'm not here to be forgiven.

It seems like the concensus it that I should not be worried from receiving oral sex; performing for less than 2 minutes, without ejaculation and mutual mast.

The fear that i have is that since I bit my lips and pick my cuticles to the point of bleeding, I could have came in contact with precum on my lips or cuticles.  There was no ejaculation.

Please, Please help put my fears to ease.  Am I over-reacting?

Thank you again.




Offline RapidRod

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Re: Obsessing
« Reply #6 on: January 10, 2008, 11:19:11 AM »
Keep all your posts in your original tread. DO NOT start new threads. Your question will not be answered until you post in your original thread.

Offline Andy Velez

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Re: Please Help
« Reply #7 on: January 10, 2008, 11:56:45 AM »
I've merged your threads. Please keep all of your entries in this same thread. Don't start any new threads.

You've already been told quite clearly and fimly that you weren't at risk. These worries are your head going nutz because you put a guy's dick in your mouth and whatever else you guys did together. You can't undo that bit of your personal history. If you think there's more to sort out about it for you personally then talking with a counselor or other professional might be helpful.

But you don't have to worry about HIV, bitten cuticles and whatever else you're tossing into the worry pot. This is not an HIV situation.

Andy Velez

Offline pfm67

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Re: Please Help
« Reply #8 on: January 11, 2008, 09:47:44 AM »
I apologize for the Misposting.

The reason I ask again is because i basically been reading and coming to the same conclusion as everyone who has responded.  That is, not to worry.

However, I was reading forums on TheBody, and the doctors there seem to recommending testing for almost everything, including the activities I have mentioned.  It seemed like for them, it would be cause for a small concern.

Offline Ann

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Re: Please Help
« Reply #9 on: January 11, 2008, 12:10:07 PM »
pfm,

I reckon the doctors on the Body recommend testing for almost everything because the fact is, anyone who is sexually active should be testing at least once a year anyway. We also recommend regular, routine testing.

You need to be using condoms for anal or vaginal intercourse, every time, no exceptions until such time as you are in a securely monogamous relationship where you have both tested for ALL sexually transmitted infections together. To agree to have unprotected intercourse is to consent to the possibility of being infected with an STI. Sex with a condom lasts only a matter of minutes, but hiv is forever.

Have a look through all three condom and lube links in my signature line so you can use condoms with confidence.

Anyone who is sexually active should be having a full sexual health care check-up, including but not limited to hiv testing, at least once a year and more often if unprotected intercourse occurs.

If you aren't already having regular, routine check-ups, now is the time to start. As long as you make sure condoms are being used for intercourse, you can fully expect your routine hiv tests to return with negative results. Don't forget to always get checked for all the other sexually transmitted infections as well, because they are MUCH easier to transmit than hiv.

Ann


Condoms are a girl's best friend

Condom and Lube Info  



"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline pfm67

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Re: Please Help
« Reply #10 on: January 11, 2008, 12:18:57 PM »
Thanks Ann.

So to compare responses on here.  For the isolated instances I described, the concern and testing is not warranted?

Offline Andy Velez

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Re: Please Help
« Reply #11 on: January 11, 2008, 01:13:52 PM »
That's right. Your concerns are unwarranted.

Really. And believe me I have read and understand your concerns related to your family circumstances.
Andy Velez

Offline pfm67

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Re: Please Help
« Reply #12 on: January 11, 2008, 01:39:56 PM »
Thanks Andy...and everyone else who responded

Offline pfm67

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Re: Please Help
« Reply #13 on: January 14, 2008, 01:07:00 PM »
I tried reading the links inthe welcome thread but they dont appear to be working.  Is there anywhere else thay can be viewed?

I had another question, would being on antibiotics while testing cause a test to be false?

Thank you all for being patient.

Offline Matty the Damned

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Re: Please Help
« Reply #14 on: January 14, 2008, 01:17:14 PM »
Try this link:

http://www.aidsmeds.com/articles/Introduction_4702.shtml and navigate to the lesson you want from there.

Antibiotics will not effect the outcome of your test results.

MtD

Offline Peter Staley

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Re: Please Help
« Reply #15 on: January 14, 2008, 02:55:17 PM »
The links have been fixed.

Peter

Offline pfm67

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  • Posts: 14
Re: Please Help
« Reply #16 on: January 15, 2008, 12:25:33 PM »
I had a chance to read the link along with just about every post in these forums.

After my encounter, I had a test, which was negative,  however, it was only 10 days after the encounter.

I am just about to the point where at times I agree with everyone that my concerns and test is not warranted.  Other times, usually when I read more, I get anxiety attacks.

Not only on this forum, but others as well, seem to be in agreement, with the exception of thebody.

If I were to move on from this, and put it behind, does anyone think Im being reckless to my family?

Thanks again for your patience.

Offline RapidRod

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Re: Please Help
« Reply #17 on: January 15, 2008, 12:36:53 PM »
You were never at risk. How could your family be affected even if you positive? You don't have unprotected anal or vaginal sex with them so NO your family wouldn't have a worry.

Offline Andy Velez

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Re: Please Help
« Reply #18 on: January 15, 2008, 12:45:58 PM »
Still fishing for alternative answers?

You were not at risk. Period. Stop trolling for trouble and get on with your life.

Andy Velez

Offline pfm67

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Re: Please Help
« Reply #19 on: January 15, 2008, 01:05:38 PM »
Rapid Ron,

I meant to say my wife.

Offline Andy Velez

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Re: Please Help
« Reply #20 on: January 15, 2008, 06:18:33 PM »
And I meant just what I said. Get on with your life.

Cheers,
Andy Velez

Offline pfm67

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Re: Please Help
« Reply #21 on: January 27, 2008, 07:35:05 PM »
Andy,

I read your profile and see you have alot of experience.

Do you know about TheBody forums.  It seems like regular people there trying to answer questions.  I posted there and flet like I was shamed into testing.

I dont know you, but for some reason have a sense of comfort.

Offline Andy Velez

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Re: Please Help
« Reply #22 on: January 27, 2008, 08:29:52 PM »
OK, so did you get your test result? Negative, right? And if you didn't get it yet then it will be negative.

As for other sites, I'll just say just in case I haven't said it already, if you keep searching the net you will definitely find material to feed your worst fears. All with no solid basis in HIV science of course, but scary nontheless. Lay off of doing that. Bad for your health. Period.

As I said before, get on with your life. You're HIV negative. 
Andy Velez

Offline pfm67

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  • Posts: 14
Re: Please Help
« Reply #23 on: January 27, 2008, 08:35:08 PM »
I took a home test in a panbick after 10 days.

I didnt test afterwards based on what I read and everyones advice.

I ventured to the other websites and got guilted that I did the worst thing to my wife, which I did. 

Offline pfm67

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Re: Please Help
« Reply #24 on: January 27, 2008, 08:54:19 PM »
When I mentioned I was i was told to move on with my life, I was told by the other website that I am putting my wife at risk.

Offline Andy Velez

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Re: Please Help
« Reply #25 on: January 27, 2008, 10:38:19 PM »
OK. There's nothing we can do about how you react to what you're told on another site, nor on on this one either for that matter. All we can do is tell you what we know from science and experience.

Right now you're obviously very vulnerable to anyone who tells you anything which plays into your worst fears. I can only repeat what others have said to you here: nothing you did with this guy put you at risk for HIV transmission. We would tell you if there was any cause for doubt about it.

You can go ahead and get tested at 13 weeks if you feel you need the inevitable negative result to put the issue to rest. HIV testing is totally about easing your mind and not because you were at HIV risk.

To me the bottom line in all of this are your feelings about having strayed and that it was with another man. And not because there was any real risk for transmission. Getting those feelings sorted out -- maybe you would do well to see a therapist or other professional and get some help with sorting out your feelings.

We can't do that service for you here.

   
Andy Velez

Offline pfm67

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  • Posts: 14
Re: Please Help
« Reply #26 on: January 28, 2008, 07:52:49 AM »
Andy,

I really appreciate you taking the time to respond. 

I do feel ALOT better from your responses as opposed to the other website.  I read your bio and know you have many years involved in teaching/educating people, whereas on other sites, and maybe to some degree here, average people are giving average adivice.

Im neurotic when it comes to analyzing things and my brain gets overloaded with information, good and bad.  I think most people on these boards are kinda the same way. 

I wish I was the guy who could just walk away, and Im trying hard to.  I tried but made th mistake of coming back!

Thanks again for your help Andy

Offline Ann

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  • It just is, OK?
    • Num is sum qui mentiar tibi?
Re: Please Help
« Reply #27 on: January 28, 2008, 08:03:02 AM »
pf,

We can arrange for you to have a time out, if that's what it takes to help you move on from this no risk incident. If you've read the forum posting guidelines found in the Welcome Thread, you will have read the following:

Quote
Anyone who continues to post excessively, questioning a conclusive negative result or no-risk situation, will be subject to a four week Time Out (a temporary ban from the Forums). The purpose of a Time Out is to encourage you to seek the face-to-face help we cannot provide on this forum.

Please consider yourself warned.

Ann
Condoms are a girl's best friend

Condom and Lube Info  



"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline pfm67

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  • Posts: 14
Re: Please Help
« Reply #28 on: February 05, 2008, 03:57:41 PM »

As mentioned in prior posts, I used home access and tested negative after 10 days and just recently after approximately 8 weeks.

Do you think I need to continue testing at 13 weeks?

Again, thanks for the help in getting.

Offline Matty the Damned

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Re: Please Help
« Reply #29 on: February 05, 2008, 04:48:30 PM »
No you do not need to test again at 13 weeks.

MtD

 


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