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Author Topic: Why no category here for +straight isolation & exclusion from HIV community?  (Read 11653 times)

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Offline +PHc

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I've been positive since 1986.  All my adult life.  Disabled now, but spent most of my working life fighting for care for gay men - which they deserve(d) and need(ed).  But now that I need social care more than ever in my life for poz community I am excluded more and more.  I have earned my right to be included in HIV/AIDS community and support groups.  I am not a demographic.  I am a human being with the same needs and rights as gay men who exploit the terms "equality" and "human rights" by becoming more and more exclusive, and less and less aware of the needs of he rest of US who can't even find each other.  Community support only goes to people who already have established communities?

I'm not not talking prevention - I understand targeting in prevention, but EVERY SINGLE HUMAN BEING WHO HAS THIS VIRUS IN THEIR BLOOD DESERVES THE SAME CARE ONCE THEY HAVE IT.  My rage is building and I have no idea what to do with it since I seem to be the only one in the world who needs INCLUSIVE HIV/AIDS community.   

I have been positive since I was 18 (1986).  I am 41.  HIV has affected every single aspect in my life more than gender has.  Don't you dare segregate me out of my own history, out into a women-whose-sexual -orientation-is -irrelevant demographic description I don't meet.

Does anyone else feel like they're dying by exclusion?  Being excluded by men who don't even remember pre-protease inhibitor AIDS?

If we can't have an inclusive community - If we have to be diversified into separate distinct demographic rainbow stripes, - if we have to have a separate women's category topic here, then can we please have one straight stripe?   Can we please have a forum category here for isolationism and exclusion of  straight people - what total lack of acknowledgment of sexual identity does to your soul after a certain number of years?   Seems like gay men of all people would get it and not do it right back.

I am tired now, I don't want to have to fight for anything at all.  I just want awareness in my community that whether they like me or not,or I make them uncomfortable,  I"m one of them.,  I love them , and I need people who have my history more than ever.   

Offline 404error

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Fuck!  I wrote up like five paragraphs explaining why this doesn't happen and lost it when I went to post!  What a piss off, I'm not re-writing it.  Basically it will never happen because writing "Heterosexual" on something is akin to "No Gays Allowed" and anything that isn't inclusive of everyone in these politically correct times is utterly unacceptable.  Morally reprehensible even.  Unless of course you're isolating and discriminating against heterosexual men, in which case all is fair in love and war. 

I try to laugh at the irony of it all as best I can.  If I've learned anything from navigating the pozitive seas it's this: when people who feel marginalized by the population at large are put into a position of power and find themselves to be the majority within a subculture of society, discrimination becomes acceptable to protect the interests and well being of "the majority." 
A social critic who promotes equality...

Offline Winiroo

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I see no issue with wanting to have an exclusively straight anything. I am a member of a hetero social group. whoopty dooo I'm sure there are members here who participate in gay only events.

I don't see why it would be an issue. I like hanging out with people gay or straight but there are times where you want to be around people who are like you. You don't have to guess who likes who, it is a known. Its a comfort thing and shouldn't ever be an issue.

This topic will likely be blown out of perportion by someone overly sensitive or someone who loves to bait.

Just watch...






Online Miss Philicia

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Can we be more specific here +PHc?  I've been infected as long as you have, and while I didn't see but so many heterosexuals around in support groups and ASO's in the early years this has definitely not been the case in the past decade, at least where I have lived (NYC and Philadelphia).  In fact, at my HIV clinic there are as many straight as gay patients.  Same thing at my ASO.  My local support group is mostly gay, but it's also very, very small -- though it's not at all restricted.  We had one straight man attending until he passed away.  The larger one in the afternoon is half and half.  There are significant amounts of heterosexuals at the local ACT-UP meetings.

I'm sure a lot has to do with where I live though, or assume so.  Your profile says San Francisco though so I'm not sure why it would be that different.

Please be specific in what you are encountering.
"Iíve slept with enough men to know that Iím not gay"

Offline mjmel

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Hi +PHc. You went somewhere for social assistance and was turned down or excluded for being hetero?
You went somewhere for support otherwise and was mostly ignored by the gay folks there?
If not, would you offer us one specific example of what you id as exclusion/isolation. If it's because the younger gays exclude you that bothers you than I'll share something: I get treated the same by the younger generation of gays.

homo here.
Mike M

Offline Matty the Damned

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Matty the Damned has spent the last couple of days looking for the gay "category" here.

He can't find it.

What he has found is an AIDS community composed of people with AIDS and the composition of which reflects the nature of the pandemic. Humans in all their diversity.

He's found a Forum which counts amongst it's leadership not just gay men, but heterosexual women.

He's found a Forum which has notable and respected heterosexual people as contributors and as bloggers.

He's found a Forum which represents people of all races, creeds, colours, sexual identities, belief systems getting on as humans do. Generally well, but with the occasional outbreak of cranky.

All in all it seems pretty good.

Matty the Damned wonders if what +PHc and Andre the Yapping Canadian Terrier are looking for is not so much a category for straight people so much as a forum for entitlement whores. That sort of "we're straight and we shouldn't have to slum it with perverts and drug addicts and other undesireables" attitude that a minority of heterosexual poz bodz seem to indulge themselves in.

An attitude which is easily dismissed because the overwhelming majority of straight pozzies don't adhere to it. They just muck in and get along with the rest of us.

Now I can understand this coming from Andre (404error). He's all angry and twisted about something. But +PHc is harder to understand. You'd think after 20+ years and having buried a loved one to this disease she'd have a wiser perspective.

But I guess you just can't put brains in a statue.

Given that the advances in HIV science which have kept her alive all these years were achieved largely on the back of the labours of gay men with AIDS , and their supporters. It's sad to think that after all this time +PHc can still only see that which might divide us, not those things which bring us together.

Paging Ryan White!

My ultimate point is simple. +PHc and Andre feel marginalised and alone because they are of the small heart. They only have space for themselves, not anyone else. They can't reach out and share both the good stuff and the bad stuff.

The reason that they're so fucked up and bitter is because they choose to be, not because the rest of us exclude them.

But, given their conduct, is it any wonder they feel unwelcome?

MtD

Offline Smoothstone

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I hear your need and support you getting a spot that meets your desire.  I've worked with straight HIV+ guys and some, not all, would access such settings if it was available.  not all the time, but as needed. Client centered? which clients? can we evolve to meet a variety of needs?  There are many precedents with "support groups" for  women,long term survivors,  HIV+ women,married women, single women, divorced women, victims of domestic violence, people with cancer, women with breast cancer, people with lung cancer, etc.  transgenders, bisexuals, gay men, youth, seniors, HIV+ men, gay men, HIV- negative gay men etc. singles only, coupled people only, Spanish speaking groups, etc.  . 

We provide support groups for gay meth users because gay guys didn't feel as comfortable in mixed groups.  Needs were met when the gay groups were created. The other mixed group option continued and some guys accessed both.
      The provision of this "support" to you does not negatively impact me.If there was such a spot here, I would make  referrals.  Hope there can be a sensitive resolution to your need.

There is a free website service at www.cfsites.org   it is easy to get a site up quickly for non profits, formal non profits, or informal groups of people.  There are easy instructions and it appears to serve diverse needs.  Hank

Offline 404error

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Quote
Matty the Damned has spent the last couple of days looking for the gay "category" here.  He can't find it.

Poor poor Matty, he just doesn't get it.  That said, it's understandable that someone with the arrogance to continually refer to himself in the third person can't see beyond himself.  Since you're a dimwitted Australian, I'll dumb it down for you. 

Let's think of people in the western world living with HIV as a country if we may and let's make that country America.  Gay people would be the heterosexual whites of this country.  They make up the majority.  For every identifiable group of any other kind (heterosexuals, intravenous drug users, transfolk, etc.) there are many more homosexuals.  Since they make up the majority they have the majority of the services.  They run the majority of the organizations.  The majority of literature on living with the disease is written about them.  So, the privileged majority run the show and it caters first and foremost to their needs.  To their image.  It tells their story.  And let's be honest, why shouldn't it?  They were here first and they make up the majority.

Heterosexuals would be the blacks of this civilization.  The second class citizens.  The underprivileged underclass.  Very little is written about them.  Very little is specifically catered to address their cultural needs.  They are the whipping boy of the majority.  When the blacks speak up against the whites they are knocked down.  They're told "You don't need a service that represents you.  We created one for us and if it's good enough for us, it's good enough for you."  When the blacks say "we need a voice" they're told "you have 'a' voice."  The blacks don't have the connections that the whites do in this America.  They don't have the jobs.  They don't run the organizations.  They don't control the flow of money.  They don't write or print the literature that tells the story of the majority.  The blacks just want something for themselves.  Something they can relate to.  Something that tells their story.  A BET of poz living if you will.   

The reason you can't find a "gay category" here is because the whole thing is a gay category.  You make up the majority.  When there is a majority and they outnumber all others by a wide margin, things are likely to cater to or represent their cultural needs and interests.  Just like how in the real United States of America I can't find a "white" television station.  A "white" history month.  A "white" anything.  There's no need to stamp the word "white" on it when it's all white.  Written by whites, controlled by whites, serving the best interests of whites.  This brings me back to my original post on the topic.

Quote
when people who feel marginalized by the population at large are put into a position of power and find themselves to be the majority within a subculture of society, discrimination becomes acceptable to protect the interests and well being of "the majority."



As an aside, I'd like to see a study conducted to see what the relationship is between a lack of services catering specifically to the heterosexual community and rising infection rates in women.
« Last Edit: January 09, 2008, 03:40:42 PM by 404error »
A social critic who promotes equality...

Offline sacinsc

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Guys I can understand a little frustration, however, when living in SC I could not find a gay support group it was all mixed. Ergo there were issues that I personally was not comfortable discussing with straight people in the room (just my own little problem talking about gay sex with straight guys, they seem squemish) and I am sure you would not have want to have heard it. So there, you all were the winners. Here in DC now, there are several organizations that support everyone. There are a couple gay groups, but they would still welcome straight people and I know straight people that attend. That being said, the big ASO here has straight and gay mixed groups. Anyone...gay or straight, male or female, can get the HIV meds for free in the city through the city admin.

The lesson I see in this really is, there are times when we want to talk to similar people, and that it totally understandable. There are also times when we need to come together and talk about HIV as a group, that is what I see this place as being. I am betting that if you look hard enough in your general area there may be something that you can attend. If not, I know you are now disabled and I feel for you, but start something of your own. Nothing says you can't do that through your ASO or start another website of your own for straight positive men to talk.

Matt
March 07 - Negative
May 07 - Exposed
June 07 - Seroconversion
September 07 - CD4 402 VL 118000 25%
October 07 -     CD4 294 VL 124000 22%
November 07 - Norvir, Triuvada and Reyataz
December 07 -  CD4 355 VL  550 .... guess the meds are working.
January 08 - CD4 446 VL <48 undetectable!
April 08 - CD4 554 VL <48 undetectable!
July 08 - CD4 666 VL <48 undetectable! Hporay...I have devil CD4's

Offline Andy Velez

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This thread seems headed into the all-too-familiar and fractious territory which discussions about straights and gays in the HIV world seem to get into.

Matty, we could have done without that "brains in a statue" remark. It served your comments less well than the other things you said about all working together and supporting one another.

404, your condescending and sarcastic remarks about Matty are totally unacceptable here. You're welcome to talk about how you see the world (or this site) from a heterosexual and HIV poz viewpoint. But you can get right off of your high horse right now. Those kinds of remarks are flaming and will not be tolerated here.

If this subject could be dealt with passionately and without flaming it would be a good thing. But if someone can't participate with that in mind -- for whatever reason -- then just don't participate.

Thanks for your cooperation.
Andy Velez

Offline Ann

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    • Num is sum qui mentiar tibi?
When the hiv pandemic began, there were no services for anyone. The people who needed services are the same people who founded the first services. Most of them were marginalised gay men who had to fight tooth and nail, in the face of unbelievable discrimination, for every single advance.

If there are people who feel they aren't being catered for, it's beyond me why they can't start their own.

Ann
Condoms are a girl's best friend

Condom and Lube Info  



"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline anniebc

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Quote
If there are people who feel they aren't being catered for, it's beyond me why they can't start their own.


The very reason 'Postive Women Inc" was started in NZ..of which I'm proud to be a board member of...just a little insight to what we do.

The aim of Positive Women Inc. is first and foremost to provide support for these women and families. we also provide a drop-in centre, monthly newsletters and support groups, as well as workshops, an annual retreat and many other support services.

We are currently putting together educational programmes with a strong focus on 'de-stigmatisationí and prevention, this is to be launched on the 20th Feb and which we hope to present around the community, in schools, in the workplace, in medical training establishments and at conferences.Ē

Positive Women Inc. is a not-for-profit organisation, driven by its members who are themselves are women living with HIV/AIDS. It is managed by a Governance Board: the National Coordinator is the only full time paid staff member. The organisation relies heavily on the support of volunteers, many of whom are also HIV-positive.

All Positive Womenís funding comes from sponsors and grants. Lottery grants have supported the organisation for a number of years...it can be hard work at times but if you want something bad enough you will find a way of getting it.

If we can do it so can you.

Hugs
Jan
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Never knock on deaths door..ring the bell and run..he really hates that.

Offline minismom

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I've been pondering about this topic for the last couple of days because I can see both sides.  When I first joined this forum only a couple of months ago, I knew the chances of finding other parents with young jr. pozzies would be slim to none.  And to find negative heterosexual parents with young jr possies wouldn't be happening.  I wasn't sure how everyone would react to me "invading" their site.  But, I was overwhelmingly suprised.  I have found no one who isnt' willing to help out, answer questions, give advice, or just plain talk.  They've even supported Mini in her own thread.  ;D I've never felt unwanted or excluded here - just the opposite.  There are times that I would love to talk to other parents with young pozzies and see how they're doing; to exchange stories, strategies, and side-effects.  However, I don't regret for one second the invaluable information and unabashed support that we have found here.

mum
www.watoto.com
www.MotherBearProject.org
"Whichever way you throw me, i will stand"
"Don't worry about the world coming to an end today...it's already tomorrow in Australia"  Charles Schultz

Offline Matty the Damned

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Andy you're right, I could have left that out.

If there are people who feel they aren't being catered for, it's beyond me why they can't start their own.

It's beyond me too your Annship. It's not like offers of assistance haven't been made in the past.

MtD

Offline Winiroo

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  • Positive since 1991

This topic will likely be blown out of perportion by someone overly sensitive or someone who loves to bait.

Just watch...

Yes, I'm quoting myself. I think it was worth reading again.

Wendy

Offline joemutt

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Yes, I'm quoting myself. I think it was worth reading again.

Wendy

That's baiting by itself, but I won't take the bait, tx.

I think the link provided in the other threat is the way to go. What stops someone from organising a group?

Offline Smoothstone

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Wendy, I support this site accomodating yours and others expressed need. This site has seen changes overtime and it could still evolve to be responsive to expressed needs.  In the meantime, you might check with WORLD, Women Organized to Respond to Life Threatening Disease. What you seek will be responsive and helpful to HIV positive  English speaking women worldwide. Seems you could use the unresponsiveness, lack of understanding, and hostility expressed here to document your need in grant application(s). The WORLD women are great and talented and a grant seems predictable. The pharmaceutical companies have bucks waiting for your request(s).

Research already documents that social support is an important factor in positive outcomes for treatment adherence and safe sex.  HIV researcher  could make applications to National Institute of Mental Health, CDC to explore the positive effects of internet social support for hiv positive women. Not sure where you are located, but if you are in the SF bay area I know researchers and an AIDS non profit who might help develop internet social support for HIV positive women. Message me if you want to explore.  Thanks. Hank

Offline emeraldize

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Minor clarification:  Hank, your message was meant for +PHC who initiated the thread, not Wendy. Just notin' to avoid confusion or missed message.

Jan: Is your group willing to share any of its strategic planning notes, structure, mission statement, etc. in the hope that it could be replicated elsewhere?
« Last Edit: January 11, 2008, 10:53:30 AM by emeraldize »

Offline thunter34

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  • His name is Carl.
Heterosexuals would be the blacks of this civilization.  The second class citizens.  The underprivileged underclass.  Very little is written about them.  Very little is specifically catered to address their cultural needs.  They are the whipping boy of the majority.  When the blacks speak up against the whites they are knocked down.  They're told "You don't need a service that represents you.  We created one for us and if it's good enough for us, it's good enough for you."  When the blacks say "we need a voice" they're told "you have 'a' voice."  The blacks don't have the connections that the whites do in this America.  They don't have the jobs.  They don't run the organizations.  They don't control the flow of money.  They don't write or print the literature that tells the story of the majority.  The blacks just want something for themselves.  Something they can relate to.  Something that tells their story.  A BET of poz living if you will. 
 

Hooey.  "The whipping boy" of the majority, indeed.  The bulk of sexual education presented (at least in this country) in ENTIRELY heterosexually oriented, with it often being extremely difficult to receive funding if your educational program discusses things like anal sex - essentially leaving the population that has been MOST at risk from receiving adequate informationt to protect themselves.  And there have been several representations in TV and film catering to the heterosexual segment of society.  One example that immediately comes to mind is that "Girl Positive" deal that was broadcast a few months back. 

And, as Matty demonstrated above, an olive branch was handed to you MONTHS ago to try to help you get something started for yourself to accomodate your needs.  But the truth is that you really don't want that, you just want to continue whining about your alleged "victim" status.  Boo hoo.

As an aside, I'd like to see a study conducted to see what the relationship is between a lack of services catering specifically to the heterosexual community and rising infection rates in women.

Hmmm....funny thing:  To this very day  I have YET to see HIV testing and safe sex commercials on TV that are presented from a homosexual perspective.  It's always....ALWAYS...shown as boys and girls.

What a bunch of malarkey.
« Last Edit: January 11, 2008, 03:52:26 PM by thunter34 »
AIDS isn't for sissies.

Offline 404error

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Quote
The bulk of sexual education presented (at least in this country) in ENTIRELY heterosexually oriented, with it often being extremely difficult to receive funding if your educational program discusses things like anal sex - essentially leaving the population that has been MOST at risk from receiving adequate informationt to protect themselves.

That's because you live in America.  13 years ago when I last took sex ed anal sex was covered.  I don't know that it was specifically about two dudes having anal sex but in terms of risk and modes of transmission, a dick in the ass is a dick in the ass.

Quote
Hmmm....funny thing:  To this very day  I have YET to see HIV testing and safe sex commercials on TV that are presented from a homosexual perspective.  It's always....ALWAYS...shown as boys and girls.

Again, that's because you live in America.

Quote
an olive branch was handed to you MONTHS ago to try to help you get something started for yourself to accomodate your needs.

You are right about this and while I'd like to see a non profit that catered to heterosexuals (men and women, none of this gender segregation bullshit) I know that I am not the right person for the job.  I'm far too insensitive to get into that line of work and am way too biased to operate such a group in a fair and balanced manner.  You have to be a true humanitarian to get involved in that sort of thing and that just isn't me.  At least I recognize this about myself which is far more than I can say for some.
A social critic who promotes equality...

Offline emeraldize

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404

What you wrote in your last paragraph reminds me of one of the "rules" in an AA group in Florida. If you complain about anything, the coffee, the snacks, you name it, you are asking to become involved in solving the situation.

I find it interesting you can so easily excuse yourself from helping to initiate the service-providing group you desire by simply noting you're too insensitive or not a humanitarian.

I want cake. They don't sell it here,  but boy do I want cake. There are boxed cake mixes at the store. I might need guidance as to how to mix and bake one properly. I know who I would ask for that advice. Wow, that's a lot of effort. How badly do I want cake? Hmmmm. Let me see. Am I will to invest time to reap what I want? When I get what I want, there will also be more than enough to share with others.

Why have I always expected someone else to bake the cake?

Offline 404error

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Em,

You know you could bake that cake.  You could walk into Safeway, pick up some Betty Crocker's mix and slap together a cake.  Would it be good?  It wouldn't be bad.  However, had you gone to a bakery that employs a fulltime baker, someone who not only has the inclination for this trade but also the necessary education you'd get a much better cake.  A cake that would be far superior to anything you'd be able to make because they're passionate about what they're doing and they're educated and experienced in their field.
« Last Edit: January 11, 2008, 06:09:30 PM by 404error »
A social critic who promotes equality...

Offline Ann

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Em,

You know you could bake that cake.  You could walk into Safeway, pick up some Betty Crocker's mix and slap together a cake.  Would it be good?  It wouldn't be bad.  However, had you gone to a bakery that employs a fulltime baker, someone who not only has the inclination for this trade but also the necessary education you'd get a much better cake.  A cake that would be far superior to anything you'd be able to make because they're passionate about what they're doing and they're educated and experienced in their field.

In other words, you want your cake and eat it too.

On second thought, you'd probably pay someone to eat it for you. ::)

Condoms are a girl's best friend

Condom and Lube Info  



"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline Winiroo

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Em - Thanks for clarifying that it wasn't me who wants the hetero only category.

I could personally care less who I talk to online. Gay, straight, crooked, man, woman, whatever, its all good. As long as they aren't assholes I don't care.
I'm not looking for someone to have sex with and I don't have anything to say that's especially for heterosexual eyes.

Wendy

Offline anniebc

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I have found through experience that those who sit around and complain the loudest are the least likely to get off their backsides and do something about it, they just keep complaining until something is done about it..and for the most part it works, someone will listen and try to help..but do the complainers appreciate it..do they hell, they will simply move on and find something else to complain about.

It doesn't matter what we try and do it will never be enough...because they simply refuse to get involved.

Jan
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
Never knock on deaths door..ring the bell and run..he really hates that.

Offline emeraldize

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404

I understand what you wrote however, go back to what I wrote please. The premise was I want cake and no one sells it here which was intentionally analagous to what you have stated is so in your neck of Canada.

You want services that don't exist, (i.e. The baker ain't within driving distance!) so, you gotta figure out how you're gonna satisfy that want for cake.

Got it?

Em

Offline Winiroo

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  • Posts: 2,082
  • Positive since 1991
My social group was started by a lady who wanted to find other straight people who lived near her to socialise with. She started a Yahoo group and so far we have 100 or so members. They don't all participate but we have a nice group of people to hang out with usually once a month.
It involved a lot of work on her part. Firstly making the group page, then getting the word out to places that offer HIV services to the community. And of course there where other things. But in the end it was well worth her effort and I enjoy and appreciate her for it.

I agree, if you want something badly enough and it is not available step up to the plate and make it happen.

Wendy

Offline hudstar

  • Member
  • Posts: 130
  • 2010
I could tackle your thread with venom or compassion and have come to the conclusion that you are very lost, angry and frustrated. So, aren't we all. I'm also a long termer and yes we have been forgotten and marginalised but point the finger at the general population then make an effort to stand up and be heard. I'm kind of surprised by your posting +Phc, from our perspective (I mean all HIVer's) I thought we had broken the stigma in regards to HIV being seen and treated as a "gay disease" I have never known anybody who stood within a HIV related gathering and calculated who was  gay or straight when it came to this sad epidemic. I agree that early groups and gatherings were predominately gay and that was because gay men were the most vulnerable to infection - we evolved as we learnt more - being long term you should have learnt that. I could say that I was pissed off that people presumed I had lots of anonymous sex to get this virus when in fact I was infected within my first relationship and first time penetrative sex. I wish I did have lots of great sex during my early youth but I did not condemn others who did. As a result I had an awereness that gave me an understanding to issues outside my own personal space i.e I became aware that women who tested POZ also received a bad wrap because of presumptive "wild sexual lifestyles".  I think we have evolved enough within ourself to say big deal who got it and how we got it. I'm sorry if you still believe you experience stigma from your own kind (yes we all have HIv) but I think its time you grew up and got over your outdated attitude. There are many organisations around that cater to women, straights and gays - within these groups you could probably even break them down more and find religious and ethnic based groups. We even have long term survivor groups, we have one here on this site. If I was you I would go kick some football along with 404error and get some of that fury out as it is not good for your health.
« Last Edit: January 14, 2008, 05:08:00 PM by hudstar »
diagnosed 1988
POZ personals - hudster

Offline Snowangel

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  • Posts: 1,413
I would like to know how to set up either an on-line support group or even better something in my area.  I don't have the first clue where to start?  What kind of education do I need? 

I have been calling around since  last year and just recently found a support group that meets a couple of towns over.  I admit, I was looking for positive women, especially mothers. Let's face it, men and women are always going to have a seperate set of issues that need to be addressed in depth.  This group of gay men only meets one day a week at 4:30.  I want to go so bad but I can't at that time(but at least I could go, If I could).  The other places that I have called and had to leave messages, either never call me back or it is for gay men ONLY.  At this point, I don't really care....I just want to meet some other humans in person, I have something in common with.

The support group I attended back in 94 was great.  Sometimes you heard things you didn't understand or couldn't contemplate but everyone was there for each other, no matter what.  I even went so far as to call the group leader  back up to see what my options are but she only comes in once a month and probably never got my message.
Since finding out I have yet to meet a women in person who has been infected by heterosexual sex.  I know for damn sure I am not the only one in my area or my state.  I just want to be able to help and talk to other women like me.....so maybe in the future, our daughters won't have to endure the pain I did and will have the strength and knowledge I didn't.
I am in Mass so if anyone has some words of wisdom I would appreciate it!
Take care,
Snow
Of all the things you wear, your expression is the most important

The heaviest thing you can carry is a grudge..

One thing you can give and still keep...is your word.

One thing you can't recycle is wasted time.

Offline Matty the Damned

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  • Ninja Please
Hey Snow,

There's an outfit that operates down here in Australia called PozHet and as their name suggests they cater for the specific needs of heterosexual poz bodz.

Maybe their site can give you some pointers.

Be well,

MtD

Online Miss Philicia

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  • Posts: 23,870
  • celebrity poster, faker & poser
Snow, try contacting The Women's Institute at GMHC in NYC and find out if they have any contacts in your area (assuming that there's not a sufficient equivalent located in Boston to do this) or can give you some information that you desire.

http://www.gmhc.org/programs/wfs.html
"Iíve slept with enough men to know that Iím not gay"

Offline Snowangel

  • Member
  • Posts: 1,413
Good idea...I saw that it was in Australia and didn't check it out.  I will now, Thank you!


P.S.  I think my son needs glasses, he came when I was reading your post and said "Oh, teddy bear" LOL
Of all the things you wear, your expression is the most important

The heaviest thing you can carry is a grudge..

One thing you can give and still keep...is your word.

One thing you can't recycle is wasted time.

Offline Snowangel

  • Member
  • Posts: 1,413
Well, I started a yahoo group, I 'll keep my fingers crossed and see how it goes. ;D
Of all the things you wear, your expression is the most important

The heaviest thing you can carry is a grudge..

One thing you can give and still keep...is your word.

One thing you can't recycle is wasted time.

Offline anniebc

  • Member
  • Posts: 5,932
  • AM member since 2003
Good for you Snow, keep us updated I would love to hear how things work out.

hugs
Jan :-*
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
Never knock on deaths door..ring the bell and run..he really hates that.

Offline Winiroo

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  • Posts: 2,082
  • Positive since 1991
Well, I started a yahoo group, I 'll keep my fingers crossed and see how it goes. ;D

Make some flyers and post them at clinics or other places where pos people get services.  That should help.

Offline Snowangel

  • Member
  • Posts: 1,413
Good for you Snow, keep us updated I would love to hear how things work out.

Thanks, Jan.  I will.
Make some flyers and post them at clinics or other places where pos people get services.  

Good idea, Thanks, Win.  I will keep you guys posted.
Of all the things you wear, your expression is the most important

The heaviest thing you can carry is a grudge..

One thing you can give and still keep...is your word.

One thing you can't recycle is wasted time.

Offline SouthSam7

  • Member
  • Posts: 428
+Phc:

I'm sorry you feel excluded.  I feel excluded too.  I guess I'm just used to it.  Do you think that just because I'm gay means that I'm included? 

I feel excluded by the hiv+ straight community.  I won't go into details, but let's just say that on a recent hiv+ happening, the straights went their way and the gays went the other.  They weren't rude about it, but they wanted nothing to do with the gays, which included me.  I've never felt more shock and disbelief.

I was so pissed that I was effectively prevented from networking with other hiv+ people just because I was gay (and they were straight). 

I am totally disenfranchised with the idea that "we all have this common thread, so therefore we are like a family".  I know that is bullshit now. 

I hope you find some straight hiv+ peers to help you.  I think you will.

Peace,
Sam

Offline SouthSam7

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...I have never known anybody who stood within a HIV related gathering and calculated who was  gay or straight when it came to this sad epidemic...

This happens ALL THE TIME, literally and figuratively, and it's not just the gay folks doing it to the straight, as you can read in my above posting.  I was LITERALLY labeled (like a name tag!) and ostracized by my straight "peers" because I was gay.  I'm very cynical but realistic about this phenomenon now.

Apparently I was the only one this bothered.

Offline planonstaying

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  • Posts: 169
  • Hiv is the FOX,tcells the rabbit, CALL the HOUNDS!
 I listened in disgust to a gay man talking about IV drug users a while back. I have seen  more people who didnt give a crap about lifestyle or means of catching HIV. For the most part i think it's a case of people zooming in on  the 2 people in 50 who care and then joining them in  focusing  on differences rather than the commonalities.  I could care one way or another and the support group I go to could care one way or another it's a men's group.  I'd say  most gay people can probably relate to the feeling of not fitting in a gathering of men. I  think it's great if someone forms a hetero support group but, seriously if you want to talk about discrimination   by gays against straits  I think  you  are looking in the wrong end of the binoculars.
If someone tells you  potential consequences of a behavior  it  doesn't  mean they jude you or mit    they may just give a shit about you

Offline Dachshund

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  • Posts: 5,941
I understand completely why straight men feel the need for their own group and I can't say I blame them. It's tough when you're straight and HIV positive and 99.9% of people (including loved ones) assume you got the bug from having sex with another man. I understand their need to be around others who won't question them.

Offline sharkdiver

  • Member
  • Posts: 1,350
I'm not sure if you have visited her website or are aware of this...but

+PHc has been in the hospital and is now in a 90 day residential facility. She doesn't have access to a computer yet, but someone has been posting updates about her health.

Just thought I'd share...


You'll be in my thoughts +PHc 

Blessings,

Sharkie

Offline Winiroo

  • Member
  • Posts: 2,082
  • Positive since 1991
I understand completely why straight men feel the need for their own group and I can't say I blame them. It's tough when you're straight and HIV positive and 99.9% of people (including loved ones) assume you got the bug from having sex with another man. I understand their need to be around others who won't question them.

I think alot of positive straight people will look at other positive people and think about how this person or that person got to be HIV positive.
They may not discuss it but I'm sure its thought about.
I also think that in a mixed gay and straight setting people naturally will look around and try to decipher who is gay and who is straight.

Might not be politically correct but in my opinion its human nature.

Offline bear60

  • Member
  • Posts: 4,104
Wini...
I think I know what yiou mean........for ex:
"The story of Ashe's life turned from success to tragedy in 1988, however, when Ashe discovered he had contracted HIV during the blood transfusions he had received during one of his two heart surgeries. He and his wife kept his illness private until April 8, 1992, when reports that the newspaper USA Today was about to publish a story about his condition forced him to make a public announcement that he had the disease. In the last year of his life, Arthur Ashe did much to call attention to AIDS sufferers worldwide. Two months before his death, he founded the Arthur Ashe Institute for Urban Health, to help address issues of inadequate health care delivery and was named Sports Illustrated magazine's Sportsman of the Year. He also spent much of the last years of his life writing his memoir Days of Grace, finishing the manuscript less than a week before his death.

Ashe died from complications from AIDS on February 6, 1993."
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Arthur_Ashe
Poz Bear Type in Philadelphia

Offline David_CA

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  • Joined: March 2006
I understand completely why straight men feel the need for their own group and I can't say I blame them. It's tough when you're straight and HIV positive and 99.9% of people (including loved ones) assume you got the bug from having sex with another man. I understand their need to be around others who won't question them.

Very well said, Hal.  People who know me (gay) can pretty much assume how I got the virus... and they'd be correct.  If I weren't gay, I don't think I'd like the "I know he says he's not gay, but ..." much at all.  Initially, anyway, support groups need to feel comfortable to those attending.  Who are we to fault other's comfort levels?

David
Black Friday 03-03-2006
03-23-06 CD4 359 @27.4% VL 75,938
06-01-06 CD4 462 @24.3% VL > 100,000
08-15-06 CD4 388 @22.8% VL >  "
10-21-06 CD4 285 @21.9% VL >  "
  Atripla started 12-01-2006
01-08-07 CD4 429 @26.8% VL 1872!
05-08-07 CD4 478 @28.1% VL 740
08-03-07 CD4 509 @31.8% VL 370
11-06-07 CD4 570 @30.0% VL 140
02-21-08 CD4 648 @32.4% VL 600
05-19-08 CD4 695 @33.1% VL < 48 undetectable!
08-21-08 CD4 725 @34.5%
11-11-08 CD4 672 @39.5%
02-11-09 CD4 773 @36.8%
05-11-09 CD4 615 @36.2%
08-19-09 CD4 770 @38.5%
11-19-09 CD4 944 @33.7%
02-17-10 CD4 678 @39.9%  
06-03-10 CD4 768 @34.9%
09-21-10 CD4 685 @40.3%
01-10-11 CD4 908 @36.3%
05-23-11 CD4 846 @36.8% VL 80
02-13-12 CD4 911 @41.4% VL<20
You must be the change you want to see in the world.  Mahatma Gandhi

Offline Jeff G

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  • Member
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  • How am I doing Beren ?
 I am a gay man that's been pos. a long time and I have just recently met a hetero. pos. person for the first time. I'm from Montgomery Alabama . when I was first outed as pos. I lost friends , a few family members and a business. I know the pain of being marginalized and abandoned and I'm sure its not an exclusive experience in any community. I moved to chicago for 13 years and about 3 in San Diego . I'm now back in Alabama and live on disability. after my hiv status became common knowledge I found that no one gay or straight wanted to discuss it or support me. I realize its not fair but I suppose its human nature to run from what makes you uncomfortable . I do know myself and Ive never been good at reaching out for the support I still desperately need today . I live in a rural area and get very lonley sometimes. that's one reason I joined this forum ...so as not to feel so isolated. I for one am willing to support anyone gay , straight and especially the freaky like me. we are all in this together..jg

 


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