Quantcast

Subscribe to:
POZ magazine
E-newsletters
Join POZ: Facebook MySpace Twitter Pinterest
Tumblr Google+ Flickr MySpace
POZ Personals
Sign In / Join
Username:
Password:
Welcome, Guest. Please login or register.
August 21, 2014, 04:54:44 AM

Login with username, password and session length


Members
Stats
  • Total Posts: 635413
  • Total Topics: 48197
  • Online Today: 186
  • Online Ever: 585
  • (January 07, 2014, 02:31:47 PM)
Users Online
Users: 2
Guests: 142
Total: 144

Welcome


Welcome to the POZ/AIDSmeds Community Forums, a round-the-clock discussion area for people with HIV/AIDS, their friends/family/caregivers, and others concerned about HIV/AIDS.  Click on the links below to browse our various forums; scroll down for a glance at the most recent posts; or join in the conversation yourself by registering on the left side of this page.

Privacy Warning:  Please realize that these forums are open to all, and are fully searchable via Google and other search engines. If you are HIV positive and disclose this in our forums, then it is almost the same thing as telling the whole world (or at least the World Wide Web). If this concerns you, then do not use a username or avatar that are self-identifying in any way. We do not allow the deletion of anything you post in these forums, so think before you post.

  • The information shared in these forums, by moderators and members, is designed to complement, not replace, the relationship between an individual and his/her own physician.

  • All members of these forums are, by default, not considered to be licensed medical providers. If otherwise, users must clearly define themselves as such.

  • Forums members must behave at all times with respect and honesty. Posting guidelines, including time-out and banning policies, have been established by the moderators of these forums. Click here for “Am I Infected?” posting guidelines. Click here for posting guidelines pertaining to all other POZ/AIDSmeds community forums.

  • We ask all forums members to provide references for health/medical/scientific information they provide, when it is not a personal experience being discussed. Please provide hyperlinks with full URLs or full citations of published works not available via the Internet. Additionally, all forums members must post information which are true and correct to their knowledge.

  • Product advertisement—including links; banners; editorial content; and clinical trial, study or survey participation—is strictly prohibited by forums members unless permission has been secured from POZ.

To change forums navigation language settings, click here (members only), Register now

Para cambiar sus preferencias de los foros en español, haz clic aquí (sólo miembros), Regístrate ahora

Finished Reading This? You can collapse this or any other box on this page by clicking the symbol in each box.

Author Topic: Oh, now this is a red letter day!  (Read 5590 times)

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

Offline aztecan

  • Member
  • Posts: 5,394
  • 29 years positive, 57 years a pain in the butt
Oh, now this is a red letter day!
« on: November 08, 2007, 12:08:29 AM »
-I was a the gym today, trying to get some exercise in to see if I can lower my blood lipids and stop my liver from becoming a war zone.

I've noticed of late people giving me queer looks. You know, the ones where you catch them looking at you and they look away really quickly in the hopes you didn't notice them looking.

They are always looking at the same thing - my hump.

People had told me it wasn't too conspicuous and nobody would notice it if I didn't draw attention to it.

They lied - or the hump is growing again.

Today, it went a bit farther than whispers and furtive glances. I was in the shower and was talking to someone I see there regularly. All of a sudden, he gets this perplexed look on his face, reached behind me and pokes my hump. Then he patted it.

This would have been bad enough, but then the said, "What you got going on?" while making gestures presumably meant to mimic the hump on my back. "Is that a growth or something?"

What this guy doesn't know is I know he is a possie. So, I look at him and say, "Its caused by my meds. You've heard of lipodystrophy, haven't you?"

He turned pale, said, "Oh, yeah." He then completed the quickest shower in history without uttering another word and left.

OK, that was probably mean of me, but I didn't like suddenly becoming the center of attention, especially not for that reason.

To make matters worse, a very attractive younger man, probably in his early 40s,  then comes in, smiles rather sweetly and procedes to shower and then enters the jacuzzi.

My lapse into a libido-induced euphoria faded quickly, as soon as I saw my reflection in a nearby mirror. I looked like an anorexic Quasimodo.

At the moment, I would like to lock the doors, close the blinds and never leave my house again.

Not altogether practical, but, I am feeling particularly old and ugly tonight.

SIGH,

Mark
"May your life preach more loudly than your lips."
~ William Ellery Channing (Unitarian Minister)

Offline emeraldize

  • Member
  • Posts: 3,343
Re: Oh, now this is a red letter day!
« Reply #1 on: November 08, 2007, 12:22:50 AM »
This creep certainly has utter disrespect down to a low-life art form. Touched you in the shower? Poked and patted your hump? You were nice, Mark. I would not have been nice. I would have been talking about talking with management, woven in expletives and other unpleasantries.

I re-read your post. What this guy doesn't know is I know he is a possie. I took it initially to mean posse, as in scout for the rest of the curious. Then I re-read it and realized you meant to write pozzie. Even worse!! He of all people should respect your literal and figurative space.
I definitely would not have been nice to a fellow pozitoid who acted as he did. And, I would not show my hand either--he would never know I knew/know.

On the total UP side.

So glad to hear you were at the gym.
« Last Edit: November 08, 2007, 12:24:24 AM by emeraldize »

Offline Robert

  • Member
  • Posts: 2,644
Re: Oh, now this is a red letter day!
« Reply #2 on: November 08, 2007, 12:57:42 AM »
 >:(

red letter day my ass.  Mark, it really ticks me off to hear this.  You're a singularly handsome man whose good looks are only topped by your sense of humor and whose intelligence is guided by widsom and a big heart.  I love the little signature retort you gave him.  He obviously can't handle it.  Maybe you taught him a lesson.  I doubt it.  Little minds are like that.

robert....who I guess is blind because I really have no idea what hump you're talking about. 
..........

Offline DanielMark

  • Member
  • Posts: 1,475
Re: Oh, now this is a red letter day!
« Reply #3 on: November 08, 2007, 06:11:24 AM »
Ah yes, encounters with the tactless. I love those. Some folks just have no clue about boundaries.

Sorry to hear about this Mark. I must confess I did chuckle tho when I read "he then completed the quickest shower in history."

Hump or no hump, you seem like a great guy to me. Don't let them get to you.



Daniel
MEDS: REYATAZ & KIVEXA (SINCE AUG 2008)

MAY 2000 LAB RESULTS: CD4 678
VL STILL UNDETECTABLE

DIAGNOSED IN 1988

Offline allanq

  • Member
  • Posts: 689
  • still life with pills
Re: Oh, now this is a red letter day!
« Reply #4 on: November 08, 2007, 05:27:08 PM »
Hi Mark,

What a jerk that guy at the gym was! You handled it very well--better than he deserved.

For me, lipodystrophy and lipoatrophy have been very hard to deal with. The loss of fat in my face was especially hard to deal with. I looked sick, even when I was feeling well. Treatments with PMMA in Mexico helped my self-esteem a lot, but I still have a bony butt and skinny arms and legs to contend with.

Would your insurance pay for liposuction to remove the fat buildup on your back? Perhaps you could have your doctor document that it is not just a cosmetic issue. Some insurers (such as Kaiser in the Bay Area) do pay for this procedure. A friend of mine had it done two years ago, and the fat has not returned.

Mark, I was wondering if you've tried fish oil capsules for the cholesterol and trigylcerides. Ever since I started taking them, my cholesterol has gone down from over 300 to around 200, and my triglycerides have decreased from around 700 to 300 (still high, but not as bad as 700). I take 6 capsules a day, a total of 3600 mg of EPA & DHA. I use the kind that are "deodorized." (The other kind makes me burp up a fishy taste the whole day.) I cut out ice cream, but I still eat beef and lamb every other day.

Allan
Top (Breakfast): Prezista, Norvir, Isentress, Zoloft (2), Glyburide (2), Aspirin
Bottom right (Dinner): Prezista, Norvir, Isentress
Bottom left (Bedtime): Sustiva, Trazodone (2), Lipitor, Septra (no longer taking this)
Center: Alprazolam (Xanax)
Not shown: various vitamins & supplements

Offline pozniceguy

  • Member
  • Posts: 1,176
  • Niceguy Dallas
Re: Oh, now this is a red letter day!
« Reply #5 on: November 08, 2007, 06:43:20 PM »
Hey Mark...ignore that jerk...I saw you and your "hump" in SF  if you hadn't said anything I would not have even noticed it...a good looking guy like you  doesn't need the type of shit that idiot put out...  you could have  just tried to smile and say that is a special result from too much sex..

Nick
remember the good times...honor the past but don't live there
Le stelle la notte sono grandie luminose, nel cuore profondo del Texas

Offline J.R.E.

  • Member
  • Posts: 7,113
  • Joined Dec-2003 Living positive, since 1985.
Re: Oh, now this is a red letter day!
« Reply #6 on: November 08, 2007, 07:17:07 PM »


Screw these people Mark.

Your post made  me slip back to 2003, when people at work, were actually making bets on who was going to die first. Me( Just prior to my aids diagnosis) or another maintenance man at that time, that had a  heart attack. I also remember a period back then, when I didn't want to leave the house, except to go to work and get back home again. I just know that I am glad that Ed was there for me, to help me out of that deep slump. Don't allow yourself to get into that mindset.

There are those few very daring people that look  at me and, and think their being funny , when they say "Hey, you look pregnant !! "  It's usually the last time, they make comments like that, but I still know their talking.  Screw them !

By the way, from what I've seen of your pictures from the last AMG. You look great !!



Hang in there Mark-----Ray
Current Meds ; Viramune, Epzicom, 40mg of simvastatin, 12.5mg of Hydrochlorothiazide.
Metoprolol tartrate 25mg



http://forums.poz.com/index.php?topic=40802.0

http://forums.poz.com/index.php?topic=45159.0

http://forums.poz.com/index.php?topic=39722.msg495621;topicseen#msg495621

http://forums.poz.com/index.php?topic=46806.0

http://forums.poz.com/index.php?topic=39414.msg491701#msg491701


 In October of 2003, My t-cell count was 16, Viral load was over 500,000, Percentage at that time was 5%. I started my first  HAART regimen  on October 24th,03.

 As of 6/4/14,  t-cells are at 423, Viral load <40

 Current % is at 13% 

  
 62 years young.

Offline aztecan

  • Member
  • Posts: 5,394
  • 29 years positive, 57 years a pain in the butt
Re: Oh, now this is a red letter day!
« Reply #7 on: November 08, 2007, 10:21:47 PM »
Hey all,

Thanks for the encouragement. I know I shouldn't let things like this get to me, but this time, it did.

I guess it all started building up with the NASH thing and the knowledge there isn't much I can do about it, except try to watch the fat intake and keep monitoring it.

Then, I have been getting the winter wardrobe out and doing the usual sorting of the old and new, what to get rid of and what to keep. Problem is, many of the shirts don't fit any more. The combination of the weight I have gained and the hump/neck expansion has made some of them simply too small.

It's not that I have gotten that fat, just the combination. But still, I have gotten rid of about half my winter shirts.

Then this guy at the gym shows up, after I went through another couple of hours of the "whispers."

It just got to me last night.

I really sounded like some whiny "oh poor me" person out looking for a pity party, though. I didn't mean to, just poured out that way.

Anyway, I am feeling better tonight, thanks in large part to the great support here.

Hey Allan, I take 4,000 mgs of fish oil a day. It has helped drop the triglycerides as long as I don't eat ice cream.   ::)

I haven't checked into having the hump removed - yet. I certainly will though.

Again, thank you all.

HUGS,

Mark
« Last Edit: November 09, 2007, 04:35:26 PM by aztecan »
"May your life preach more loudly than your lips."
~ William Ellery Channing (Unitarian Minister)

Offline BirdBear718

  • Member
  • Posts: 105
Re: Oh, now this is a red letter day!
« Reply #8 on: November 08, 2007, 10:40:32 PM »
My first thought when I read your post, I thought "noooo way -- who would hurt yourrrr feelings?" 

You are always so supportive and kind.  So, to hear someone hurt your feelings, makes me mad.

You are not an "oh poor me" person.  You were venting.  Everyone needs to do that.

I am glad you are feeling better today.  That makes me happy.

Keep exercising.  Keep going out and doing fun things you enjoy. 

Good thoughts to you!

Offline redhotmuslbear

  • Member
  • Posts: 605
  • A genuine certified freak of nature, and a hot one
Re: Oh, now this is a red letter day!
« Reply #9 on: November 09, 2007, 10:18:59 AM »
Mark,
Perhaps some self-defense classes are in order, so the next person to accost your person can draw back a bloody stump?  I can't relate to the fat re-distribution, but I;'ve through a lot of similar image and chatter crap due to surgical scars on my head and torso from a couple dozen brain surgeries.  I got good at internally saying "Fuck them!" but the attention chipped away at my self-image, and I'm confident that the self-image issues played a role in my infection with HIV.  Then, after my last fleet of surgeries in 1994, I had this revelation abouit my scars as symbols of strength, and I've had no problems with showing them via military-style haircuts and even modeling.

Fat re-distribution is your badge of honor and distinction, if you choose to think of iit that way.  Next time a poz queen leers at or pokes at the hump, remind them of what you've survived.  That will be a bigger shock than "lipodytrophy!"

Namaste,
David
"The real problem is not whether machines think but whether men do." - BF Skinner
12-31-09   222wks VL  2430 CD4 690 (37%)
09-30-09   208wks VL  2050  CD4 925 (42%)
06-25-08   143wks VL  1359  CD4 668 (32%)  CD8 885
02-11-08   123wks off meds:  VL 1364 CD4 892(40%/0.99 ratio)
10-19-07   112wks off meds:   VL 292  CD4 857(37%/0.85 ratio)

One copy of delta-32 for f*****d up CCR5 receptors, and an HLA B44+ allele for "CD8-mediated immunity"... beteer than winning Powerball, almost!

Offline bear60

  • Member
  • Posts: 4,104
Re: Oh, now this is a red letter day!
« Reply #10 on: November 09, 2007, 02:55:41 PM »
What is amazing is that the person who touched you is also HIV positive.  Touching you in the first place is a very strange thing. 
Poz Bear Type in Philadelphia

Offline BT65

  • Global Moderator
  • Member
  • Posts: 9,904
Re: Oh, now this is a red letter day!
« Reply #11 on: November 09, 2007, 06:37:11 PM »
Mark, dear, I don't think you're whiney in the least.  That guy deserved a lot more than you gave him.  Had that been me, I would've had some good retorts going on.  I agree with Bear, the thing that he was touching you in the shower sounds bizarro to me.  You're a sweetheart, Mark.  Don't let anyone take that away from you.
I've never killed anyone, but I frequently get satisfaction reading the obituary notices.-Clarence Darrow

Offline lipoenvy

  • Member
  • Posts: 61
Re: Oh, now this is a red letter day!
« Reply #12 on: November 09, 2007, 08:03:37 PM »
Wow.  That is irritating in the extreme.  Except for the attractive man smiling at you.

The changes I've had the most trouble with have always been the ones that happen the fastest, or in combination, whether they were changes in my appearance or in my labs.  Too much change too fast feels like sand washing out from under my feet in the tide.  Where will I be able to stand?

I alternate between being horrified at what I see in the mirror and thinking:  Should a veteran of so many battles be ashamed of his battle scars?  No.  Be proud of them.




Offline pozattitude

  • Member
  • Posts: 909
  • Enjoy
    • to find out more about me....
Re: Oh, now this is a red letter day!
« Reply #13 on: November 09, 2007, 08:18:15 PM »
>:(

red letter day my ass.  Mark, it really ticks me off to hear this.  You're a singularly handsome man whose good looks are only topped by your sense of humor and whose intelligence is guided by wisdom and a big heart.  I love the little signature retort you gave him.  He obviously can't handle it.  Maybe you taught him a lesson.  I doubt it.  Little minds are like that.

robert....who I guess is blind because I really have no idea what hump you're talking about. 

I could not have said it better.
I know that when shit like that happens it can be difficult to get up from that depression hole but rest assure that you had the misfortune of encountering a total ASSHOLE and you should not pay any attention to people like that. 
Just to add to what Robert has said....he forgot to mention the beautiful smile you have to add to the whole package.


lots of love to you and big hugs   :-* :-* :-* :-*

Rich
POSITIVE PEDALERS... We are a group of people living with HIV/AIDS, eliminating stigma through our positive public example.

Offline pozattitude

  • Member
  • Posts: 909
  • Enjoy
    • to find out more about me....
Re: Oh, now this is a red letter day!
« Reply #14 on: November 09, 2007, 08:20:02 PM »
>:(

red letter day my ass.  Mark, it really ticks me off to hear this.  You're a singularly handsome man whose good looks are only topped by your sense of humor and whose intelligence is guided by widsom and a big heart.  I love the little signature retort you gave him.  He obviously can't handle it.  Maybe you taught him a lesson.  I doubt it.  Little minds are like that.

robert....who I guess is blind because I really have no idea what hump you're talking about. 
POSITIVE PEDALERS... We are a group of people living with HIV/AIDS, eliminating stigma through our positive public example.

Offline komnaes

  • Member
  • Posts: 1,893
Re: Oh, now this is a red letter day!
« Reply #15 on: November 09, 2007, 08:29:32 PM »
Anyone who is not nice to Mike is no friend of mind.. >:(

Sending you a big cyberhug, Shaun
Aug 07 Diagnosed
Oct 07 CD4=446(19%) Feb 08 CD4=421(19%)
Jun 08 CD4=325(22%) Jul 08 CD4=301(18%)
Sep 08 CD4=257/VL=75,000 Oct 08 CD4=347(16%)
Dec 08 CD4=270(16%)
Jan 09 CD4=246(13%)/VL=10,000
Feb 09 CD4=233(15%)/VL=13,000
Started meds Sustiva/Epzicom
May 09 CD4=333(24%)/VL=650
Aug 09 CD4=346(24%)/VL=UD
Nov 09 CD4=437(26%)/VL=UD
Feb 10 CD4=471(31%)/VL=UD
June 10 CD4=517 (28%)/VL=UD
Sept 10 CD4=687 (31%)/VL=UD
Jan 11 CD4=557 (30%)/VL=UD
April 11 CD4=569 (32%)/VL=UD
Switched to Epizcom, Reyataz and Norvir
(Interrupted for 2 months with only Epizcom & Reyataz)
July 11 CD=520 (28%)/VL=UD
Oct 11 CD=771 (31%)/VL=UD(<30)
April 12 CD=609 (28%)/VL=UD(<20)
Aug 12 CD=657 (29%)/VL=UD(<20)
Dec 12 CD=532 (31%)/VL=UD(<20)
May 13 CD=567 (31%)/VL=UD(<20)
Jan 14 CD=521 (21%)/VL=UD(<50)

Offline ademas

  • Member
  • Posts: 1,151
Re: Oh, now this is a red letter day!
« Reply #16 on: November 09, 2007, 08:54:45 PM »
I hear you.

You have such a gentle and honest way of expressing yourself, Mark, and I almost always relate.
I'll bet you're one helluva caseworker and advocate, too.

HUGS back at ya.


Offline AlanBama

  • Member
  • Posts: 3,613
  • Alabama: the 'other' 3rd World Country!
Re: Oh, now this is a red letter day!
« Reply #17 on: November 09, 2007, 08:57:13 PM »
Mark,

I know exactly how you are feeling.   You might could even understand this type of 'rude' behaviour, from someone who had no knowledge of side effects of HIV treatments.....but from someone who is himself positive, I just don't get it.....glad you got in a "dig" back at him.

While I do not have a hump (yet) I have the facial/butt/leg/arm wasting thing going on.....I get so tired of friends and well-intentioned people saying "you look so tired" or "did you not sleep last night"?  I just want to scream "HELL NO, my skin is like wax hanging off bones, it just looks droopy and there's not a whole hell of a lot I can do about it.".   But I usually smile and make some idiotic excuse....which only makes me feel worse.

Wearing our lipo "battle scars" amongst other poz people can be, in a weird way, rewarding......but I don't think it is nearly so much so in the "regular world" of people we encounter in our day-to-day lives.   How do you explain a hump and/or a sunken face to someone who 1) doesn't know you have AIDS and 2) you don't particularly WANT to know you have AIDS.

Somebody let me know if they ever hear of any experimental or "charity" type facial fillers...I know I could probably get the drug for free, but my problem comes in with the doctor's fees to administer the injections....

hugs,
Alan

PS - you look FINE to me.  ;)
"Remember my sentimental friend that a heart is not judged by how much you love, but by how much you are loved by others." - The Wizard of Oz

Offline paolo10954

  • Member
  • Posts: 57
Re: Oh, now this is a red letter day!
« Reply #18 on: November 10, 2007, 01:22:00 AM »
Isn't it the truth you only need 1 thing to bring you down amidst the vastness of love, warmth and affection you gather from all of us here?  Count your blessings...you are well loved and respected, myself included. Why do you think it was easy for me to approach you in SF?  Glad you are feeling better. You only deserve the best!

(BTW, i'm in SF now  ;D )

Paolo
jun03     hiv negative
dec03     tested positive
mar05     cd4 698  vl 23221 no meds
jul05       cd4 660  vl 2962 no meds
dec05     cd4 553  vl 5412 no meds
mar06     cd4 610  vl 3158 no meds
june06    cd4 523  vl 3924 no meds
dec06     cd4 616  vl 1236 no meds
march07  cd4 536  vl 1331 no meds
june07    cd4 486  vl   820 no meds
sept07     cd4 576  vl  380  no meds
aug08     cd4 530  vl 1725 no meds
april09    cd4 428  vl  1059 no meds
july09     cd4 511  vl   533 no meds
jan10      cd4 380  vl  1200 no meds
mar10     cd4 262  vl  2389 no meds
april28, 2010 started on Isentress and Truvada
july10     cd4 340  vl undetectable
nov10     cd4 431  vl undetectable
march11  cd4 350  vl undetectable

Offline SoSadTooBad

  • Member
  • Posts: 248
Re: Oh, now this is a red letter day!
« Reply #19 on: November 11, 2007, 07:05:16 PM »
Mark - your kindness and support on these forums makes you beautiful a way that physical charactertistics cannot change. 

Also, you look like a cutie in your pic.  :-)  Be well, and tune out anybody that thinks otherwise. 

sstb

Offline joemutt

  • Member
  • Posts: 1,041
Re: Oh, now this is a red letter day!
« Reply #20 on: January 11, 2008, 10:00:28 AM »
Mark, you're hot.

Offline sharkdiver

  • Member
  • Posts: 1,350
Re: Oh, now this is a red letter day!
« Reply #21 on: January 11, 2008, 10:44:26 PM »
You know Mark,
the same kinda thing happened to me a few months ago in my yoga class (go figure).. This guy I've known for several years kept coming up to me and patting my belly and occasionally saying "you are so muscular, what's up with this?"  Finally I said  "It's from the meds?"  "What meds? "he asked  I said "well I have had AIDS for about 23 years"   
He looked at me, speechless.   He hasn't done it since. 

Good for you for speaking up.

umm,  BTW from your pic you look like a handsome guy.
 :)

Offline DAF

  • Member
  • Posts: 20
Re: Oh, now this is a red letter day!
« Reply #22 on: January 12, 2008, 10:13:14 AM »
Hi Mark,

I am with Emeraldize Perhaps I would have kneed him where it counts for touching me. My hump is so bad that I have named him Quazi Moto and my partner has to help me get dressed or the hump keeps the shirt or sweter from coming down like it should. My friends didn't say anything to me and one day I caught a glimpse of it in
the mirror. That was a two week session of depression. I feel lucky that it hasn't somenow gottten biger than what I had expected it to.

Take care and know that I am rooting for you, may you be blessed with frineds that don't even notice becuse you are precious to them.

DAF
No disease on the face of the planet has been 100% fatal

 


Terms of Membership for these forums
 

© 2014 Smart + Strong. All Rights Reserved.   terms of use and your privacy
Smart + Strong® is a registered trademark of CDM Publishing, LLC.