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Author Topic: Scared but for a whole 'nother reason...  (Read 2919 times)

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Offline Sthrn79

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Scared but for a whole 'nother reason...
« on: February 18, 2008, 11:05:18 PM »
I just recently tested poz about three or four months ago. While the initial shock, I believe, is over I am still on that wonderful emotional rollercoaster of acceptance. Now I understand it is human nature to be scared about the medical issues and what nots to come. I find myself, though, not so much scared of being sick, dying, being dependent, helpless, or any of the things that could be listed. I have lost countless nights of sleep over the fact that now for the rest of my life I will have to do continual blood work. I am even, as of yet, to get my western blot. (i tested using the oral exam) It's an extreme psycho phobia that can really only be subdued by fully anesthetizing me. Just discussing with a nurse while i was on Xanax put me into a severe   panic attack.  My ex, who is the one I believe I got it from, has what they said was an extremely aggressive strain. When he first tested poz is was full blown with a count below 120. He is in the military, and has blood tests regularly, so I he has not lied about being tested. I am afraid I have the same one and that if I don't get it taken care of soon it will be to far advanced.  I just really don't know what to do. Any suggestions as to what to ask for when I see a doctor or?? Also I am afraid that, seeing as how i will have to use state clinics, going to such extremes to get blood work is not going to be viewed as necessary. In no way can I afford private health care.  ???
« Last Edit: February 18, 2008, 11:09:04 PM by Sthrn79 »

Offline komnaes

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Re: Scared but for a whole 'nother reason...
« Reply #1 on: February 18, 2008, 11:44:30 PM »
Hey Sthrn, welcome to the Forums..

It seems many of your worries are premature. What you should focus on is to first find the right health care providers, including finding a good doctor. A few more tests will need to be done before you know your conditions. While there's a chance that you may have contracted the same "aggressive" strain, the virus does behave differently in another body. So don't let those worries stress you out too much now.

We have all gone through the same "panic" early period, during which we worry a lot about things that have yet to happen. You'd find that the key to stay healthy and sane is to focus on current issues. So, please focus on getting the tests done, finding the right doctors and health care providers and other support networks locally.

And yes, going back to the hospital/clinic for blood works and consultations will be with us for the rest of our lives. But as you said if even dying does not scare you, why should just visiting the doctors for monitoring bug you so much?

Hugs, Shaun
Aug 07 Diagnosed
Oct 07 CD4=446(19%) Feb 08 CD4=421(19%)
Jun 08 CD4=325(22%) Jul 08 CD4=301(18%)
Sep 08 CD4=257/VL=75,000 Oct 08 CD4=347(16%)
Dec 08 CD4=270(16%)
Jan 09 CD4=246(13%)/VL=10,000
Feb 09 CD4=233(15%)/VL=13,000
Started meds Sustiva/Epzicom
May 09 CD4=333(24%)/VL=650
Aug 09 CD4=346(24%)/VL=UD
Nov 09 CD4=437(26%)/VL=UD
Feb 10 CD4=471(31%)/VL=UD
June 10 CD4=517 (28%)/VL=UD
Sept 10 CD4=687 (31%)/VL=UD
Jan 11 CD4=557 (30%)/VL=UD
April 11 CD4=569 (32%)/VL=UD
Switched to Epizcom, Reyataz and Norvir
(Interrupted for 2 months with only Epizcom & Reyataz)
July 11 CD=520 (28%)/VL=UD
Oct 11 CD=771 (31%)/VL=UD(<30)
April 12 CD=609 (28%)/VL=UD(<20)
Aug 12 CD=657 (29%)/VL=UD(<20)
Dec 12 CD=532 (31%)/VL=UD(<20)
May 13 CD=567 (31%)/VL=UD(<20)
Jan 14 CD=521 (21%)/VL=UD(<50)

Offline BT65

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Re: Scared but for a whole 'nother reason...
« Reply #2 on: February 18, 2008, 11:47:27 PM »
Hello and welcome to the forums.  Just take some deep breaths and calm down.  Your diagnosis will take awhile to get used to.  One thing that I find useful is to not project what will happen.  In other words, try not to foresee situations that aren't there.  I'm sure once you get established with a doctor, you'll be well on your way to keeping the virus under control.  The first blood workup will tell where you're at with this.  Have you been in contact with your local Aids Service Organization?  They could point you to a good doctor.  

Just try to keep a level head.  I know that sounds as though it's simple and 'easy for me to say.'  Things today though are so much better than they used to be.  Again, I suggest contacting your local ASO (Aids Service Organization).  They could probably also suggest a good counselor.  Hang in there.
I've never killed anyone, but I frequently get satisfaction reading the obituary notices.-Clarence Darrow

Offline Ann

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  • It just is, OK?
    • Num is sum qui mentiar tibi?
Re: Scared but for a whole 'nother reason...
« Reply #3 on: February 19, 2008, 06:34:38 AM »
Sthrn,

Until you have that Western Blot confirmation, you shouldn't be so certain that you're hiv positive. False positives can and do happen. You might be worrying over nothing.

Regardless of your test outcome, you might want to look into CBT - cognitive behaviour therapy - so you can learn to overcome your needle phobia. There are going to be times in your life, no matter if you're hiv positive or negative, when you will need blood tests to monitor your health.

Contact your nearest ASO (Aids Service Organisation) and see if they might be able to help with some counseling to get you through having your WB confirmation and - if necessary - additional blood tests.

Good luck.

Ann
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Offline Sthrn79

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Re: Scared but for a whole 'nother reason...
« Reply #4 on: February 22, 2008, 09:24:03 PM »
Sthrn,

Until you have that Western Blot confirmation, you shouldn't be so certain that you're hiv positive. False positives can and do happen. You might be worrying over nothing.

Regardless of your test outcome, you might want to look into CBT - cognitive behaviour therapy - so you can learn to overcome your needle phobia. There are going to be times in your life, no matter if you're hiv positive or negative, when you will need blood tests to monitor your health.

Contact your nearest ASO (Aids Service Organisation) and see if they might be able to help with some counseling to get you through having your WB confirmation and - if necessary - additional blood tests.

Good luck.

Ann

thanks so much.. i appreciate it all.. .hope i'm replying right.. i'm so computer illiterate.. several of my friends have suggested getting psychological help foremost.. especially now.. for all my life i've just "rode out" whatever it was i had if the dr's wouldn't prescribe medicine and have been lucky so far..

Offline BT65

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Re: Scared but for a whole 'nother reason...
« Reply #5 on: February 22, 2008, 09:27:52 PM »
Have you gotten the Western Blot results yet?
I've never killed anyone, but I frequently get satisfaction reading the obituary notices.-Clarence Darrow

 


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