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Author Topic: Worried husband and dad  (Read 12859 times)

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Offline goodguy

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Worried husband and dad
« on: December 18, 2007, 04:21:02 PM »
Hello all, I am so thankful that I found this forum.  Please allow me to share
my story so that you could assess my risk.  Thank you so much!!!

I love my wife.  I love my two year old daughter.  When I'm not near
them but thinking about them, I cry.  The fact that I very well may
not see my little girl grow up to be a woman, or to help my wife
through life has sickened and depressed me WAY beyond anything I could
possibly get across in an email.

I had played with men in my past, including while I was married.  I
stopped in April, and in August tested negative for HIV.  I thought
that would be enough for me to stop.  And it was for a while, and life
was good.  On October 25, I lapsed back into poor judgement and played
with my first of three guys.  Here's what I did:

Guy 1 (10.25) I rimmed him for about 5 minutes, and I topped him with
a condom and plenty of lube.  My penis was not 100% erect, but far
from flacid - the condom stayed on the entire time.  When I came and
pulled out, the condom was intact.

Guy 2 (11.6)  I rimmed him for about 5 minutes, then inserted some
fingers for a few times, and rimmed him for a few more minutes.  Then
he sucked me without protection for about 15 minutes.  I went behind
him, and was about to put a condom on when I saw BLOOD leaking a bit
out of his rectum.  We stopped right then and there.  I can't remember
if my mouth touched his ass after the blood was present, but it likely
could have touched it when I rimmed him those few minutes after I
fingered him.  At that point, I saw no blood at all, but my tongue
probably went an inch inside of him.  THIS HAS ME TERRIFIED.  He is
young (25), and said he only had sex twice - once as a top, once as a
bottom, both protected.  He said the guy who topped him is a fellow
college student who participates in drug tests in clinical trials and
gets tested regularly.  Guy 2 does not know his status (he told me he
thought he was negative because he donates blood!!!)  Of course, you
never ever know.

Guy 3 (11.8) A "buddy" I have met with in the past.  He sucked me FEROCIOUSLY
unprotected for about 45 minutes, and then I topped him with a condom
for about 5 minutes, and did not ejaculate.  When I pulled out, the
condom was intact, and he sucked me unprotected some more before I came.
I came in his mouth, he did not swallow.

Starting on about 11.7, I started feeling pain in my right leg like I
pulled a hamstring (which is possible, given the above activities).
It's the kind of muscle pain that only hurts when I stretch it a bit
too much.  A few days later,  I developed a very sore throat, like a
sharp pain when I swallow.  It went away 3-4 days later.  I then got
very mild muscle pains in that same leg, in the calf.  I started
taking my temperature, and it seems to remain at a normal level, and
the highest has been about 99.5, and it was only one time.  A fever
has, thus far, not persisted.  Finally, yesterday my arms and legs
were tingling, like my body hair was overly sensitive or something -
and I think I am noticing more of a redness around my collarbone/neck.
 I don't see any bumps, but MY GOD is it disconcerting.  I have no way
of telling if it is a rash, but it is just another possible symptom,
which is making me even more depressed.  By 11.20.  I still
had that hamstring muscle pain, but not much other pain to speak of.
The entire time I have had a sharp loss of appetite and have been
feeling completely lethargic, like there was nothing I wanted to do
but sleep.  My energy was back a bunch, but my appetite was not.

Now I have pimples/acne on my shoulders.  You should know that
I have had this in the past, but it looks SO much like some rash pictures
you can find online that it has me very scared.

I am terrified beyond all rational thought that I have ruined the
lives of others who love me dearly, as well as thrown my own life out
the proverbial window.  I know what I must do and when I must do it.
WHAT I REALLY DON'T KNOW IS WHAT LEVEL OF RISK I'VE PUT MYSELF IN.  I
feel like after all I've done this past month, I've read so much (at
this site, as well as others) and learned so much more that I wish I
knew a month ago.  I am PARTICULARLY upset that I saw blood on Guy 2.
That part is driving me bonkers.

I don't do ANYTHING other than obsess over my actions, how I dodged
the bullet once - how can I do it again - and this time I am
experiencing what appear to me to be symptoms of ARS.

The fact that I am married and have a daughter only add to the
conflicted nature of my actions, but that is something I must deal
with after I deal with this issue.  This next week is Christmas, and
I am just so overwhelmed.  I just cannot stomach what I have done to my family,
and the depression is horrible, equal to the fear of being infected.

I hope that you read this, and find the time to gauge my risk, fears
of ARS and infection, and concerns.

All three guys have repeatedly told me that they always play safe, and I have
nothing to worry about.  Guy #2 even said that because of me being
upset, he went and got tested, and his result was negative - although
he lives in CA, and it would be impossible for me to know if he was telling
the truth or not.

CONGRATULATIONS on reading this far, and I very much look forward to your advice.

Also, please forgive me on this, but I am new to the board.  I realize that you are
not doctors here, so I'm wondering what your qualifications are for dispensing
information with such authority.  This isn't meant as a dig to any of you - I'm just
curious what your experience level is.

Thank you so very much.


Offline Matty the Damned

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Re: Worried husband and dad
« Reply #1 on: December 18, 2007, 04:39:46 PM »
Guy,

There is nothing in what you describe which constitutes a risk for HIV transmission. All of the sexual encounters your write about were protected and HIV is not spread through protected sex. And yes I'm taking the alleged rectal bleeding into account here.

As such you do not need to test for HIV here. You were not at risk of infection.

Clearly what you're dealing is guilt about your closet homosexuality and it's not uncommon for men in your position to view their extra-marital activities as wickedness deserving of punishment. You need to understand that HIV is not a punishment for perceived bad behaviour it's just a virus.

Please take the time to read our Welcome Thread and follow the links to our Lessons to learn more about how HIV is and is not transmitted.

If you want to review the bona fides of the people who run this site and thus oversee the advice given here you should read this.

MtD

Offline goodguy

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Re: Worried husband and dad
« Reply #2 on: December 18, 2007, 04:44:01 PM »
I understand.  Thank you for replying.  I do just want to be clear - it wasn't alleged bleeding, it was blood dripping out of his anus.
I feel like I may have scratched him when I double-fingered him, and it took until after he performed oral on me for it to come out.
I'm wondering if my tongue actually touched blood (I deep tongue-fucked him, about an inch in or so - pardon my French) for a few minutes after I fingered him.  I have just finished reading the welcome thread, and am now off to read the other link you provided.
Thanks.


Offline Matty the Damned

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Re: Worried husband and dad
« Reply #3 on: December 18, 2007, 04:52:30 PM »
Even when I use the term "alleged" I err on the side of caution and presume that there was blood present. It makes no difference, this is not a risk situation.

HIV is a fragile, fussy virus which is difficult to transmit even under ideal (from the virus' perspective) circumstances.

Even though you do not not need to test as a result of these sexual encounters, you should be aware that all sexually active people should have a full STD screen at least once a year. Twice is better. It's kinda of like having your car serviced. It's a good habit to get into.

MtD

Offline Andy Velez

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Re: Worried husband and dad
« Reply #4 on: December 18, 2007, 04:58:16 PM »
Matty's right on the mark about none of those activities having put you at risk for HIV.

And as well about regularly getting a full STD panel done as some other STDs are much easier to acquire. You also need to be aware that rimming someone, as pleasurable as it can be for both, brings your mouth into contact with the germiest orifice for picking up various, although it's not a risk for HIV.

If you have persistent symptoms that are troubling you that's something to discuss with your doctor. It doesn't by default mean HIV is the issue.

Cheers,
Andy Velez

Offline goodguy

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Re: Worried husband and dad
« Reply #5 on: December 18, 2007, 05:01:52 PM »
OK - I guess I was under the impression that blood still in the anus that directly touches the tongue (if it did happen, that's how it would have happened) is an ideal way to transmit the virus.  I mean, wouldn't touching blood to your tongue be something you might want to avoid?

Insofar as testing, I will get tested for all STDs (I live in NYC, and can go to a clinic and test anonymously).

Regarding the series of events I detailed above, do you absolutely think I should not bother getting tested, even when you factor in components like deep tongue-fucking an ass with a fresh bloody cut AND possible exposure to my family?

And Andy - I am A LOT more educated now than I was two months ago - amazing that a professional in NYC could be so uneducated about such an important subject!  I am well aware of the OTHER issues with licking an ass (in fact, I stuck my tongue in VERY DEEP - if that matters - does it?) and would think twice about doing it again.

Thanks for this info.  Just in the last two days of reading here, I've learned a lot.



Offline Matty the Damned

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Re: Worried husband and dad
« Reply #6 on: December 18, 2007, 05:05:00 PM »
OK - I guess I was under the impression that blood still in the anus that directly touches the tongue (if it did happen, that's how it would have happened) is an ideal way to transmit the virus.  I mean, wouldn't touching blood to your tongue be something you might want to avoid?


You'd think so, wouldn't ya?

But it ain't the case. Human saliva contains more than a dozen proteins and enzymes which act to inhibit the virus, so getting blood in your mouth is a far from ideal way to transmit the virus.

MtD

Offline Andy Velez

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Re: Worried husband and dad
« Reply #7 on: December 18, 2007, 05:05:15 PM »
Your saliva has natural inhibiting elements which render HIV, if present, ineffective. So no, rimming is not a risk for HIV.

But it can be a source of picking up intestinal parasites for instance. Which you would know pretty quickly if it happened because you'd soon be having frequent and messy bowel movements.
Andy Velez

Offline goodguy

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Re: Worried husband and dad
« Reply #8 on: December 18, 2007, 05:13:15 PM »
Well, my bowel movements have changed color, and have become a bit looser (I wouldn't call it diarrhea).

So saliva is that powerful, huh?  Well could you indulge me then:  For some bizarre reason (I am assuming it was out of guilt from guy #1), I started to graze my tongue across my upper teeth, which are a bit sharp.  I think it's a nervous habit.  Anyway, a while back, I freaked out about all that has transpired in my life lately, and went to a mirror and squeezed the tip of my tongue (pretty hard) and wouldn't you know - the tip started bleeding.

I probably should have mentioned this in my original post.  I am afraid of blood-to-blood contact - his ass, my tongue tip.  Do you think the fact that the cut (if there even was one!) was on my tongue and thus "surrounded" by saliva trumps an alleged cut in the first place?  I gotta think that if that weren't the case there, in fact, would be at least one documented case of the virus passing on to a rimmer.

As you can see, I'm mostly concerned with guy #2.  From what I'm reading here, you are not AT ALL concerned with my activities with guys #1 and #3?

Thanks.


Offline Matty the Damned

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Re: Worried husband and dad
« Reply #9 on: December 18, 2007, 05:16:25 PM »
Look mate,

We've explained this to you already. It doesn't matter how many different views of the same issue or what if's you bring to us -- our answers will not change.

You were not at risk.

MtD

Offline goodguy

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Re: Worried husband and dad
« Reply #10 on: December 18, 2007, 05:21:15 PM »
OK - I understand.  May I just ask this then?  I was truly under the impression that I engaged in high risk activities with guy #1, and EXTREMELY high risk activities with guy #2.  If HIV is that hard to contract, how is this epidemic so widespread - wouldn't the "ideal conditions" not present themselves so often?

Anyway, thank you both/all for your heroic work.  I feel like I FINALLY found a place to go that dispenses reliable information.  I got SO INCREDIBLY scared reading info off of the CDC, thebody, random google searches.

Thanks.


Offline Matty the Damned

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Re: Worried husband and dad
« Reply #11 on: December 18, 2007, 05:27:37 PM »
HIV is so widespread because not everyone is fucking with condoms. You've been wearing condoms when you fuck, thus you've been protected.

We've already explained about the blood and tongue thing, so I won't go over that again.

You have to understand that HIV requires very particular conditions for transmission. These conditions are best found in the rectum and at the top of the vagina near a thing called the cervix. It's in these places that HIV can find the specific cells it needs to mount an infection.

MtD

Offline goodguy

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Re: Worried husband and dad
« Reply #12 on: December 18, 2007, 06:42:28 PM »
You know... I guess it's just ingrained in our heads (by whomever... CDC, the Gov't, etc.) that if you touch someone, you need to get tested 3 months out.
It's craziness!  I find it hard to believe that I absolutely do not need testing.  But if this were the only site I came to, I don't think I'd feel like that.
 

Offline goodguy

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Re: Worried husband and dad
« Reply #13 on: December 18, 2007, 11:30:15 PM »
Would any other experts care to give their opinions, or has everything that needs to be said really been said?

Thanks.


Offline RapidRod

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Re: Worried husband and dad
« Reply #14 on: December 18, 2007, 11:40:57 PM »
There is nothing more to add than the information you have already been given by Matty and Andy.

Offline goodguy

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Re: Worried husband and dad
« Reply #15 on: December 19, 2007, 09:12:41 PM »
Hello all,

I don't know if I was just freaked out, or wanted to feel comforted or, just wanted to KNOW - but today I went to an STD clinic in NYC.  As you clearly stated above, my result was negative.  Now I KNOW this can't be considered conclusive until I test at 3 months, but I guess I felt compelled to go anyway.
At my clinic, they use Oraquick Advance oral swab + blood draw.  I had my results in a little over 30 minutes.  Is there any data out that as to the potential accuracy of this type of test for the length of time I waited:

Guy 1 - 55 days
Guy 2 - 43 days
Guy 3 - 41 days

I know you said that I didn't engage in any activity that should have put me at risk, but I'm more interested in the question above at this point.  Do any of you have any data regarding the above?

Thank you all for your time and info!


Offline Matty the Damned

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Re: Worried husband and dad
« Reply #16 on: December 19, 2007, 09:22:51 PM »
You're not listening.

I don't know if I was just freaked out, or wanted to feel comforted or, just wanted to KNOW - but today I went to an STD clinic in NYC.  As you clearly stated above, my result was negative.  Now I KNOW this can't be considered conclusive until I test at 3 months, but I guess I felt compelled to go anyway.


That result is conclusive because YOU DIDN'T HAVE A RISK.

You say you've read our Welcome Thread. I suggest you read it again, particularly the posting guidelines.

You will not be permitted to use this forum to wring your hands about no risk situations.

MtD

Offline goodguy

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Re: Worried husband and dad
« Reply #17 on: January 09, 2008, 04:33:39 PM »
Hi everyone - 8 weeks after my last possible "exposure," and just days after the redness on my chest went away,  I have two swollen, pea-shaped nodes under my chin, right side, and a temperature of 99.1.  Is there any evidence that shows the possibility of seroconversion this late?  These nodes or whatever they are are very prominent, and are freaking me out quite a bit.  Is it really impossible for me to be infected?  I'm disappointed to at this point, still be consumed with this.
Thanks.


Offline Andy Velez

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Re: Worried husband and dad
« Reply #18 on: January 09, 2008, 05:48:35 PM »
Go discuss your symptoms with your doctor. This all has nothing to do with HIV. You are on the verge of getting a time out for coming back repeatedly with just one more symptom report -- all of which have nothing to do with HIV because of course you had no risk for transmission. Really.
Andy Velez

Offline Andy Velez

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Re: Worried husband and dad
« Reply #19 on: January 09, 2008, 05:51:57 PM »
Go discuss your symptoms with your doctor. This all has nothing to do with HIV. You are on the verge of getting a time out for coming back repeatedly with just one more symptom report -- all of which have nothing to do with HIV because of course you had no risk for transmission. We're not here to indulge you in your obsession. Really.
Andy Velez

Offline goodguy

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Re: Worried husband and dad
« Reply #20 on: May 21, 2008, 12:05:51 PM »
Hello all.  I have a quick question...

I have genital herpes.  I get an outbreak every couple of months.

Recently, I had an outbreak with one blister on the bottom part of the head of my penis.  It healed, and is just a faint red mark now.  I would say about 1 week after the scab went away (leaving the faint red mark), I received extended, deep oral sex.  I also lubricated my buddy's ass-crack with my spit (a LOT of spit - it was VERY slippery) and rubbed my penis up and down his crack until I came.  I did not enter his ass, but I am sure the tip of my unprotected penis touched the outside of his hole a few times.

2 Days later, a small cluster of a new herpes breakout appeared on the top of my shaft, below the head.  They have since healed.  There were no signs of these during the act (no appearance of blisters emerging).
I guess my outbreak was not over when I had the above activities.

First of all - if I did not have genital herpes, are there any risks whatsoever associated with this behavior (especially the tip of the penis touching a well lubricated crack but not entering?

Secondly - does the fact that I have herpes and was seemingly in the middle of an outbreak (I thought it had passed) mean that there was a definite HIV risk in my behavior?  Can someone with genital herpes get HIV from receiving a blowjob/rubbing on a crack?

Thank you.



Offline Andy Velez

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Re: Worried husband and dad
« Reply #21 on: May 21, 2008, 12:46:21 PM »
What you have described is kinda sorta a variation on frottage, which is NOT a risk for HIV transmission. I don't see any cause for concern about HIV in this recent incident.

IF you had penetrated without a condom during a herpes outbreak that would have been a higher risk situation BUT you didn't  so I'm just mentioning that for future reference. The HIV status of a partner is irrelevant when having anal intercourse as long as the insertive partner is always without exception wearing a condom.

This time you have no cause for further concern about HIV.

Cheers,
Andy Velez

Offline Ann

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Re: Worried husband and dad
« Reply #22 on: May 21, 2008, 12:48:21 PM »
Guy,

Neither of your activities put you at risk for hiv infection.

HOWEVER... you probably passed your herpes on to the people you were sexually active with. In future, keep your herpes to yourself by using condoms when you have or have recently had an outbreak. You don't have to have an active outbreak to pass the herpes virus on.

Ann
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"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline goodguy

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Re: Worried husband and dad
« Reply #23 on: May 21, 2008, 12:52:45 PM »
Thanks guys.  I did forget to mention that I was rimmed, and I rimmed my partner to lubricate the area...  Does that change anything?

Also, thank you so much for the info on the herpes.  I was much too careless this time, but I guess not for my health, but for others.  My goodness...

As a general rule, you ALWAYS say that receiving oral sex in NO WAY puts you in danger of contracting HIV.  So is it still true for those of us with genital herpes, regardless of whether we are having an outbreak or not?

And finally - for some more edification... what is the difference between frottage and what I did?

Thanks.


Offline Andy Velez

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Re: Worried husband and dad
« Reply #24 on: May 21, 2008, 12:52:54 PM »
Good one, Ann. I meant to mention that as well.

If you're really being a "good guy," that means being responsible about NOT passing along herpes or any other STD. Using a condom is the easy and responsible thing to do.
Andy Velez

Offline Andy Velez

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Re: Worried husband and dad
« Reply #25 on: May 21, 2008, 12:55:41 PM »
Frottage is rubbing against stomach/penis/vagina without penetration. I was just applying it to your rubbing the guy's butt.

No, you having a herpes outbreak would NOT change the non-risk aspect of your getting a blowjob. Still no risk to you although during a herpes outbreak it certainly ups the possibility of you passing it along to the guy who was sucking you.
Andy Velez

Offline goodguy

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Re: Worried husband and dad
« Reply #26 on: May 21, 2008, 02:17:57 PM »
And the fact that the head of my penis bumped up against his anus shouldn't pose a risk either?
I'm sure it bumped up a bunch, throughout the frottage.



Offline Ann

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Re: Worried husband and dad
« Reply #27 on: May 21, 2008, 02:35:15 PM »
Guy,

We understand what happens during frottage. You didn't have a risk as you did not penetrate him.

I don't suppose he'll be too pleased with his anal herpes though.

Ann
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"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline goodguy

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Re: Worried husband and dad
« Reply #28 on: May 23, 2008, 12:52:53 PM »
On a herpes support site, they say that HIV attacks CD4 cells, and that during a herpes outbreak, these cells are "just hanging out, right there waiting to be infected at the surface of the skin."   Would this not make it MUCH more likely that my actions with my partner would result in HIV transmission?  So would the fact that the risk is VERY low for a person without HSV-2, would that put me at a higher risk?

For a SUPPORT group, they've suddenly made me feel so in danger.  Could I possibly get your take on this quote?  It scared the hell out of me.

Thank you.



Offline Ann

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Re: Worried husband and dad
« Reply #29 on: May 23, 2008, 02:18:03 PM »
Guy,

You didn't have a risk, herpes or no herpes. Neither frottage nor getting a blowjob are risks. Zero times one equals zero.

Ann
« Last Edit: May 23, 2008, 02:25:18 PM by Ann »
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"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline goodguy

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Re: Worried husband and dad
« Reply #30 on: May 23, 2008, 03:13:17 PM »
Thanks Ann.  It's just that this herpes support site is making it seem like, especially during an outbreak, insertion didn't need to happen - that simple oral or the rubbing against an anus would be enough if you indeed have these cells right on the surface of the penis.  Would this be consider misinformation on the part of the other website?


Offline Andy Velez

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Re: Worried husband and dad
« Reply #31 on: May 23, 2008, 04:47:03 PM »
Yes, and if you continue searching around for more fuel to fire up this self-indulgent personal drama about HIV risk when you didn't have any such, believe me the web will deliver more to worry about in spades.

We're not about to get into a fight with another site for you. You've repeatedly been told you weren't at risk. It's not our job to handhold you for every new little something you come up with to ask about.

You didn't have an HIV risk. Get it?

And you're on the verge of getting timed out here. 
Andy Velez

Offline goodguy

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Re: Worried husband and dad
« Reply #32 on: May 25, 2008, 08:58:47 AM »
Thank you for helping me to put all this info into proper perspective.  Can I ask a quick general question?  You always say that saliva has properties that inhibit the transmission of HIV.  Does saliva still exhibit these same properties outside of the body?  That is, if saliva is used as a lubricant for frottage does that make transmission even less likely?  I'm trying to better understand all the science that is out there.
Thanks.


Offline RapidRod

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Re: Worried husband and dad
« Reply #33 on: May 25, 2008, 09:41:07 AM »
HIV does not stay active outside its host, so it makes no difference if saliva was used or not.

Offline goodguy

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Re: Worried husband and dad
« Reply #34 on: May 29, 2008, 10:19:48 AM »
OK - so can I ask what I guess is a fundamental question?  Is rimming which includes deep insertion of the tongue into the anus (tongue-fucking an ass, I guess) considered insertive sex?  Why or why not?  I would think it would be at least as dangerous as unprotected penile/anal sex (maybe more - the tongue seems very "absorptive," no?)

Also, I saw Ann comment to another poster that the infectious fluids in a woman vagina is found way at the top of the cervix, and does not include the lubricative fluids found at the opening.  Translated to anal sex (man or woman), what are the infectious fluids?  Is it blood only, or are there other secretions along the anal canal that are also infectious for HIV?

Thank you - I'm trying to understand as much as I can.


Offline Ann

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Re: Worried husband and dad
« Reply #35 on: May 29, 2008, 10:27:44 AM »
guy,

Rimming is not a risk for hiv infection because saliva contains over a dozen different proteins and enzymes that damage hiv and render it unable to infect. In addition, hiv can only latch onto and infect a very few, very specific types of cells, cells which are not found in abundance in the mouth.

Hiv can be found in small quantities in the mucus which lines the rectum. The bigger danger is the fact that the lining of the rectum is relatively thin and easily damaged - by a penis, not by a tongue. Unprotected RECEPTIVE anal intercourse (NOT rimming) is far more dangerous because of thinness of the lining and the large amount of blood vessels in the area.

Rimming is NOT a risk for hiv infection, whether you're the rimmer or the rimmee.

Ann
Condoms are a girl's best friend

Condom and Lube Info  



"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline goodguy

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Re: Worried husband and dad
« Reply #36 on: May 29, 2008, 11:19:21 AM »
Thank you very much for that answer.  So I should not be concerned at all if my tongue touched the mucus membranes in his anus (I don't see how it couldn't), because the tongue does not have the receptive cells necessary for successful HIV transmission?


Offline Ann

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Re: Worried husband and dad
« Reply #37 on: May 29, 2008, 04:44:47 PM »
guy,

If we thought you should be concerned about hiv transmission in this manner, we would have told you. Rimming is NOT a risk for hiv infection!

If you'd read the Welcome Thread before posting like you're supposed to, you would have read the following posting guideline:

Quote
Anyone who continues to post excessively, questioning a conclusive negative result or no-risk situation, will be subject to a four week Time Out (a temporary ban from the Forums). If you continue to post excessively after one Time Out, you may be given a second Time Out which will last eight weeks. There is no third Time Out - it is a permanent ban. The purpose of a Time Out is to encourage you to seek the face-to-face help we cannot provide on this forum.

Please consider yourself warned.

Ann
Condoms are a girl's best friend

Condom and Lube Info  



"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline goodguy

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Re: Worried husband and dad
« Reply #38 on: May 29, 2008, 04:59:04 PM »
Understood, Ann.  Thank you.

I guess I was (and still am, a bit) confused as to rimming as you define it includes penetrating the anus (deeply) or merely licking the outside of the anus, crack, and cheeks, where HIV wouldn't survive.

Offline Matty the Damned

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Re: Worried husband and dad
« Reply #39 on: May 29, 2008, 05:05:10 PM »
Guy,

It makes no difference. Penetrating an anus deeply with your tongue or just sampling the edges it's all rimming and none of it is a risk for HIV transmission.

MtD

Offline Andy Velez

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Re: Worried husband and dad
« Reply #40 on: May 29, 2008, 06:17:26 PM »
It isn't "how we define it." We're very clear about what rimming is and it simply doesn't present a risk for HIV. And it sure looks to me as if you are just looking to find ways to prolong your what ifs and other stuff that all finally adds up to no risk. You can pick up other things such as intestinal parasites from rimming, but not HIV. And if you had gotten a parasite you'd know it by now because you'd be massively crapping your brains out.

For the last time, this is NOT an HIV situation.
Andy Velez

Offline goodguy

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Re: Worried husband and dad
« Reply #41 on: May 29, 2008, 10:27:42 PM »
Thank you all.  I really, REALLY need to ask one more question - please do not give me a time out for this one.

Can I please ask you about molluscum contagiosum?  When I got home from work this evening, my right eye was tearing a bit and when I looked in the mirror, I saw a cluster of small white bumps on my upper eyelid.  They do not itch, but they are very disconcerting.  In another post, someone wrote that the presence of molluscum contagiosum is a very early sign of HIV infection.  I don't remember if any of you mods refuted that, but I would like to know - is that true?  How early on can it come?  I Googled "molluscum contagiosum on eyelid" and several pictures came up with HIV patients, and I tell you my eye looked a lot like some of them.  Many websites claimed that it is common in HIV patients.

Is it just coincidence?  I KNOW from all you've written that it would be IMPOSSIBLE for me to get HIV from my non-exposures.  It's just that I cannot believe the timing.  It's making me question if I accidentally did something unsafe with this last encounter and just don't remember.

Is MC (I'm tired of typing it) something that wouldn't typically appear until someone's immune system is SEVERELY compromised?  Is it something that does show up in NEWLY diagnosed HIV cases?  As of today, my incident took place 19 days ago.

Please don't give me a time out.  I just want to make sense of what I'm seeing and reading.  I don't want a timeout, because EVERY other site on the web seems to not be straight talkers like you guys are, and I really need your take.

I will not come back with every little symptom.  I don't have a fever or anything.  In fact, my temp is low (97.5) for some reason.

It is hard to find info on MC that isn't from "overly clinical" sites, so I am asking you guys because of your collective experience.
I need to know if I should let this go.

Thank you so much.


Offline RapidRod

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Re: Worried husband and dad
« Reply #42 on: May 29, 2008, 10:32:16 PM »
Molluscum contagiosum is not HIV specific. Anyone can contract it.

Offline Matty the Damned

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Re: Worried husband and dad
« Reply #43 on: May 29, 2008, 10:34:18 PM »
Molluscum Constagiosum is a viral condition that is common in the community and spread via casual skin to skin contact. It doesn't just affect immuno-compromised people and it isn't transmitted exclusively through sexual contact.

You say you're a father and a husband. If that's true it's about time you started acting like the responsible adult you're meant to be. We are not an MC site. We're an HIV site. If you're concerned about bumps on your damn eye then see your damn doctor. I mean would you carry on like this if the health of your child was in question? No, you'd seek medical attention rather than prattle on about it on internet forums.

Move on.

MtD

Offline goodguy

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Re: Worried husband and dad
« Reply #44 on: May 29, 2008, 10:35:30 PM »
Rod, that much I do understand.  I was curious as to HIV patients being more prone to it because of a compromised immune system - in those cases, is it something that presents in more advanced cases, or during new cases, during seroconversion or soon after?
Thanks.


Offline Matty the Damned

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Re: Worried husband and dad
« Reply #45 on: May 29, 2008, 10:36:58 PM »
I really don't see what else we can do for you. I'm reporting this thread to the Moderators for review.

MtD

Offline goodguy

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Re: Worried husband and dad
« Reply #46 on: May 29, 2008, 10:39:06 PM »
Matty, we must have posted at the same time.
For sure, you are absolutely right - For the most part, I'm scared, ashamed, and very disappointed in myself for the situations I've put myself in.
According to you all, I don't have a risk.  I see something, google it, and all my fears come back.  I am just trying to filter what I have read, because you guys say that most of what you'll find on the net is misinformation.

Offline goodguy

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Re: Worried husband and dad
« Reply #47 on: May 29, 2008, 10:42:40 PM »
And I guess MC wouldn't be the ONLY symptom that would present if it were HIV, right?

I'm really sorry I've taken up so much space here.  I'm going to chill out now, and not abuse this privilege any further.


Offline Ann

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Re: Worried husband and dad
« Reply #48 on: May 30, 2008, 04:27:57 AM »
guy,

Can I please ask you about molluscum contagiosum?

No, you may not. This is an hiv website and you have not had a risk and you do not have hiv.

You've been wringing your hands since December over things that happened last autumn. If you're so worried, just go test, collect your negative result and MOVE ON.

I'm giving you a long over-due time out. Please use this time to seek counseling so you can come to terms with your sexual activities. This is not the appropriate place for you to work through these feelings. If you come back after your time out to post anything other than your negative results, you'll be timed out again.

Do not attempt to create a new account to get around your time out because if you do, you will be permanently banned.

Ann
Condoms are a girl's best friend

Condom and Lube Info  



"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline goodguy

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Re: Worried husband and dad
« Reply #49 on: October 02, 2008, 09:43:14 AM »
Hello all,

I've had a few experiences the last few weeks (I feel like I had a relapse or something), and I have a question that I did not find on Ann's condom link:

I had 3 encounters...

1 - with a crossdresser, 9.10.08.  I got a 5 minute unprotected blowjob, followed by condom-protected anal sex for about 5-10 minutes.  I used plenty of Astroglide lube.  After I came, I immediately withdrew and saw my ejaculate inside the condom.  I know it did not break - I even did the stupid fill-condom-with-water test that you're not supposed to do.  More on this one..

2 - Random hookup with a guy, 9.18.08.  Again, got a 5 minute unprotected blowjob, followed by condom-protected sex for about 5 minutes.  I was unfamiliar with the condom brand, but it DID say latex on it, and was within the expiry date.  The lube was in similar packaging, but I don't know what kind it was, or if it was water or oil-based.  After I came, I pulled out, and the condom was intact, evidenced by my ejaculate inside the tip of the condom.  I didn't do the stupid water test because the condom was, well, dirty on the outside.  It looked intact, though.

3 - Got a 30-minute intense unprotected blowjob from an old acquaintance, 10.1.08.  He sucked hard and swallowed, but he used teeth a bit, and now a part of my penis head is sore - should I worry?

Anyway, besides answering the above questions, here is my BIG concern:  With the crossdresser hookup, he removed the condom from the packaging and rolled it down on my penis.  I am concerned because I did not get a clear view of the packaging, and I want to try and be sure it was not a lambskin condom.  All my life, I have only used latex condoms, so I don't know if there would be a difference.  I'm concerned because while we were having sex, it felt quite a bit warmer that I thought it should.  I have read that lambskin condoms transfer body heat much better than latex.

So, having never used a lambskin condom before, do you think I would immediately be able to tell based on  either what it looked like on my penis, how it felt wearing it before I started having sex, or ANYTHING else that would have alerted someone with no lambskin experience that this might not be a latex condom?

Thanks all.


 


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