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Author Topic: Well, I missed that one...  (Read 1489 times)

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Offline minismom

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Well, I missed that one...
« on: December 07, 2007, 04:24:52 PM »
I was looking forward to making a very profound post for my 100th.  But, alas, somehow I went from 87 yesterday to 101 today.  So, you'll have to read my profound statement in my 102nd post. 

When someone, or a couple of someones, decide to adopt a child, the first thing that any agency (or state) sends you is a wish list.  Basically, it's a list of every conceivable situation for which a child can be brought into this world.  It starts with "I will definately, I will maybe, I will definately NOT adopt a child who...."  Then you go through and mark 100 or so sinerios from "a child born of incest" to "a child whose mom was Chinese and father was African American (an actual question).  From the bizaare they move to the serious, listing various disabilities and combinations of disabilities that a child may have.  The first thing dh and I did was find that section and mark "I will definately not adopt a child..." for the entire section.  Included in that section was "a child who was born of an HIV+/AIDS mom who may or may not have been infected." and "a child who has already been tested and diagnosed HIV+".  The list also asked about children whose "fathers" were unknown.  Children who came from family with history of mental disabilities. We also marked that we would not consider adopting those children.  The reason behind not adopting children whose "fathers" were unknown was the fear that they would come back years later and get custody of the child. 

However, all that changed when a call came to us in August 2000.  Our social worker, and dear friend, had gotten an email about a baby girl who was born to a lady who had AIDS and was schitzophrenic.  She had also named 6 different guys in the "father" section of the birth certificate.  The hospital wrote only the first name she gave, then quietly changed it to "unknown".  After reading the email, our SW walked into her supervisor's office and said, "This is the (our) baby."  At the time, we had 2 boys, ages 3 and 8 1/2mths.  After arguing with the powers that be, we got the call.  I knew she was our daughter.  We were cautiously reminded that she went against everything that we marked.  I didn't care - she was mine and i knew it.  I stuck my head out of our front door and asked dh how he'd like to have a daughter.  He picked up our oldest son and swung him around.  I took it as a yes. 

2 days later, I loaded up the boys and drove an hour to my parents house.  My mom was going to keep the boys (who broke out with chicken pox the same day we got the news) until they were well.  We were very open with my parents and both knew of mini's potential status.  They didn't care - she was their granddaughter for however long God decided to bless us with her.  I then made the additional 30 minute trekk to Arby's parking lot to pick up our baby.  After stopping by to let mom have a peek, I drove to dh's work so he could see his baby.  One of the workers announced our arrival and we were bombarded in the parking lot by employees and customers.  Dh and I snuck off so that he could "unwrap" mini - no one saw her until daddy did.  She was sent home with AZT and instructions for us to use "universal precautions" (whatever those were).  We were also warned not to get too attatched.

On her 6 week birthday, dh and I drove 2 hours to meet the PID for the first time.  We were armed with the hope that even if she tested positive, she could still seroconvert, right?  Those hopes were dashed when the PID explained the pcr test and that if it was positive, there was no chance of mini seroconverting.  She then went on to explain the circumstances of mini's birth and uncooperative nature of the lady about taking meds (she flat out refused).

On her 8wk birthday, mini, the boys and I were visiting my parents.  My mom was sitting on her bed with the kids watching a movie.  My dad was outside on the porch swing.  I was working on their computer.  Dh was 1hr away at work.  The phone rang and I answered it.  It was mini's PID.  She told me to sit down.  I knew it was bad - and it was.  I don't remember anything she said.  I looked over at my mom and my children.  My entire body went numb.  All I could think about was how I was going to explain to my boys that their sister was dead and how I was going to make it through her funeral.  I wanted to curl up and die with her.  My mom caught the look on my face and interpreted it correctly.  She abandoned the boys on her bed and brought me mini.  She simply said, "hold your daughter while you can."  Then, she went and told my dad.  He came in, took her from me, and said, "you'll always be queen of the world to me."

Dh was at work and I couldn't call him.  I drove the kids home and put them to bed.  I was in a fog.  I was so lost.  He got home late.  It took him less than 10 seconds to realize what had happened.  I told him I was so sorry for falling in love with mini.  I was so sorry for everything.  I thought he'd be mad.  I was irrational.  He asked where she was and told me everything was going to be OK.  We then openly and out loud forgave the lady who had allowed mini to get sick.  We also wished the lady well and prayed that she would be healed and live in peace.

The next few years were terribly hard for us.  First, we told some very close friends about mini.  One picked her up and kissed her - totally unafraid.  Everyone was already so in love with her.  We also made it clear that we were a family and we were all accepted or we were all not accepted.  We were not going to be picked apart. 

Sorry, but that's about all I can emotionally post for this my 102nd Aidsmed post.  More profound posting for my 500th post.  Hopefully, I won't miss that one, too.

"Whichever way you throw me, i will stand"
"Don't worry about the world coming to an end today...it's already tomorrow in Australia"  Charles Schultz

Offline Dragonette

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Re: Well, I missed that one...
« Reply #1 on: December 07, 2007, 04:42:28 PM »
 :'( thx... hugs to you & Mini & your whole family
"If you keep one foot in yesterday, and one in tomorrow, you piss all over today". Betty Tacy

Offline BT65

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Re: Well, I missed that one...
« Reply #2 on: December 08, 2007, 07:16:29 AM »
Thanks for sharing, mum.  That was a beautiful post.  Here's to many more memories with Mini. :-*
I've never killed anyone, but I frequently get satisfaction reading the obituary notices.-Clarence Darrow

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Offline emeraldize

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Re: Well, I missed that one...
« Reply #3 on: December 08, 2007, 11:15:30 AM »
Wonderful post. Thanks for sharing it.

Offline Robert

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Re: Well, I missed that one...
« Reply #4 on: December 08, 2007, 11:41:45 AM »
 what a wonderful story.  It sounds like a great family to me. 

I sure am glad you posted it here and not in the woman's forum.  I'm not allowed over there but I must say if this is the kind of stuff that you guys write about, I just might stray over there.

robert  (who always does what he is told and has never even thought about going to woman's forum.)

Offline minismom

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Re: Well, I missed that one...
« Reply #5 on: December 08, 2007, 11:53:20 AM »
LOL..that's ok, Robert, i don't post over there either.  Mini's a little young for the dating threads ;)
"Whichever way you throw me, i will stand"
"Don't worry about the world coming to an end today...it's already tomorrow in Australia"  Charles Schultz

Offline sharkdiver

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Re: Well, I missed that one...
« Reply #6 on: December 08, 2007, 04:27:01 PM »
The queen of the world to your husband.....

The Queen of the Mommies to Mini...

and to me  :'(   :-*

Offline minismom

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Re: Well, I missed that one...
« Reply #7 on: December 09, 2007, 01:19:57 PM »
Sharky, my darling, i am properly humbled. :-*
  At a function early this year, my dad was mc-ing and called mini up to "help" him.  He introduced her as his granddaughter and his princess.  She took the microphone from him and said, "um, Paw-Paw, i'm THE queen not just some ol' princess."  And, there ya go ;D

Be well, my friend!
"Whichever way you throw me, i will stand"
"Don't worry about the world coming to an end today...it's already tomorrow in Australia"  Charles Schultz

Offline cjc

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Re: Well, I missed that one...
« Reply #8 on: December 10, 2007, 08:17:00 AM »
  Hello, MM.    Very touching post.   Thanks for sharing that with us.   Cristy


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