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Author Topic: Just started meds.  (Read 1514 times)

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Offline mplsdoubled

  • Member
  • Posts: 52
Just started meds.
« on: December 30, 2007, 11:52:17 AM »
Had my third set of labs since testing positive in September come back the other day.  VL - 167,000 , CD4 - 280, CD4% - 28%.  The trend was indicating it was time to start.

I have been preparing myself for this moment since September - doing research, talking to people and just being realistic.  The last few months have not been horrible for me.  I adapted well to the news of being HIV+, have very supportive friends and family and started to do some dating.  There were days that would go by when I never even thought about my HIV and when I did, it wasn't combined with any depression or sadness.  Mostly acceptance.

Because I had been preparing myself for starting meds I am a bit surprised by my emotional reaction.  I started Atripla two days ago.  I am feeling lonely and am suddencly acutely aware that I am "different."  The reality of this infection has slapped me in the face.  I am sad (not depressed but definitely sad) about my situation and as I celebrate the holiday's with wonderful friends at a beautiful woodsy retreat, I am quietly resentful of those around me who  are not infected.

I know that this too shall pass but thought I would share.  I look at that bottle of pills and realize that my life is in that bottle.  That is a sobering thought.

On the "up" side - I am trying focus on be thankful for the fact that there is a bottle of pills for me to take and that it will most likely help ensure a long and prosperous life for me.  When I  put things in perspective I realize that there are very few people I would trade places with.

Happy New Year!


Offline AlanBama

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  • Posts: 3,658
  • Alabama: the 'other' 3rd World Country!
Re: Just started meds.
« Reply #1 on: December 30, 2007, 03:00:18 PM »
Happy New Year, Doug!

I daresay there is probably not one among us who has not envied someone else's negative status....or felt depressed and/or sad about the meds.

Your life is not over by any means, it's just different.   That's the way I try to look at it.    Seems like you have a good attitude, and glad to hear that you are thankful for the meds.   Gratitude has taken me through a lot of years....


"Remember my sentimental friend that a heart is not judged by how much you love, but by how much you are loved by others." - The Wizard of Oz

Offline DanielMark

  • Member
  • Posts: 1,475
Re: Just started meds.
« Reply #2 on: December 30, 2007, 04:00:46 PM »
Aw Doug,

One good thing about these forums is you never need to feel "different" again. We're all in this together  . . . by ourselves. (Lily Tomlin)

Glad you are getting things in perspective. That can save a person a lot of useless despair and wasted energy.




Offline BT65

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  • Posts: 10,464
Re: Just started meds.
« Reply #3 on: December 30, 2007, 06:14:05 PM »
Hey Doug,

Quite a few times I've felt envious of friends who are negative being able to have "normal" lives.  But, then I remember there are those of us who have had/are having it 100x worse.  And I am grateful.  For having the gift of time.  For being able to be there for my grandkids, my daughter, my father etc.  For having the wonderful people in my life who've come into my life.  I could go on and on.  Being grateful helps a lot.  That can get you through many rough times.  Hang in there!
I've never killed anyone, but I frequently get satisfaction reading the obituary notices.-Clarence Darrow

Offline mplsdoubled

  • Member
  • Posts: 52
Re: Just started meds.
« Reply #4 on: January 01, 2008, 11:20:21 AM »
Well, 4 doses into the Atripla I'm felling pretty darn good!  Woke up this morning ready greet the day and carry on with life. 

Side effects have been minimal if not non-existant.  That "stoned" feeling if too much time lapses between taking it and getting to bed.  I've had some dreams but nothing out of the ordinary. 

Life is good!  I didn't choose to be on this path but I will choose to manage it and will NOT be less, do less or experience less than I would if I were HIV negative.

Happy New Year to all!


Offline BT65

  • Member
  • Posts: 10,464
Re: Just started meds.
« Reply #5 on: January 01, 2008, 12:34:27 PM »
Happy new year to you also, Doug.  What a way to start the year! 
I've never killed anyone, but I frequently get satisfaction reading the obituary notices.-Clarence Darrow


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