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Author Topic: Cheated on boyfriend - may have given him HIV. Please help.  (Read 6288 times)

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Offline Patrick

  • Member
  • Posts: 86
  • Where the determination is, the way can be found.
Cheated on boyfriend - may have given him HIV. Please help.
« on: December 07, 2007, 12:07:54 AM »
Ok so here's the story.  I was (and still am) in what's supposed to be a committed relationship.  Only my boyfriend and I got into a vicious argument one night, and due to that I lost my willpower and cheated.  That night of cheating is how I caught HIV.  I was diagnosed positive on 11/14/07 and immediately called the guy I had my one-night stand with so he could be tested.  About two weeks later he comes back positive.  So I know I received it from him. 

I got the flu-like symptoms a week after cheating and was very ill.  When I started to feel a little better (before I was diagnosed) by boyfriend and I engaged in a mutual masturbation session where we did rub our penises against eachother and I feel some fluids may have been exchanged.  I did not ejaculate on him.  However, he recently tested positive for chlamydia which I believe he also got from me (likely that mutual masturbation session). 

I had an extremely high viral load when my boyfriend and I had this little "session" as I was still feeling ill from the initial seroconversion.  I also know that the presence of another STD increase the transmission chances of HIV.  I got my bf tested two weeks after this incident and he came back "indeterminant" with a weak p24 band.  Two weeks later he got tested again and we are currently awaiting the results.

I am so guilt-ridden and worried about what I may have done.  Cheating is bad enough, and something I take full responsibility for.  I also received HIV for my efforts.  My primary concern right now is him.  He is an innocent bystander in all this, and it would absolutely destroy me to know that because I cheated, he is positive.  What I did was wrong, and evil.  I feel extremely ashamed and guilty.  I just want my boyfriend to be ok, even if I never see him again.

Any thoughts about this appreciated.
Seroconversion - late October 07
11/14/07 - CD4 190   VL >750,000
11/14/07 - Started Truvada & Kaletra
12/5/07 - CD4 851     VL 710
2/19/08 - CD4 604     VL Undetectable
5/8/08 -   CD4 829     VL Undetectable
8/12/08 - CD4 915     VL 80 (blip)
11/11/08 - CD4 967    VL Undetectable

Offline GSOgymrat

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  • Posts: 5,054
  • HIV+ since 1993. INTJ
Re: Cheated on boyfriend - may have given him HIV. Please help.
« Reply #1 on: December 07, 2007, 01:01:51 AM »
I tested indeterminent before I eventually tested positive; I hope your boyfriend has better luck. He may test negative but you need to be prepared for a positive result. Whatever the outcome you are facing some big challenges. You need to educate yourself about HIV and rally supportive people in you life. If you and your boyfriend decide to continue the relationship you should consider couples counseling.

Offline RapidRod

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Re: Cheated on boyfriend - may have given him HIV. Please help.
« Reply #2 on: December 07, 2007, 04:31:43 AM »
I don't see where you have put him at risk. You said you tested positive a week later after your exposure, what tests did you take? I take it you had unprotected anal sex with the guy? As for giving your bf chlamydia from masturbation, I serious doubt it.

Offline BassMan

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  • Posts: 77
  • Gran Canaria 2006
Re: Cheated on boyfriend - may have given him HIV. Please help.
« Reply #3 on: December 07, 2007, 04:57:00 AM »
Patrick,

Sorry to hear about your diagnosis. As for your boyfriend's indeterminate result, everyone I have ever known who has had such a result (including myself) subsequently tested positive so as GSO said, I think you need to prepare yourself for that.

Now I may be wrong, but to test positive and suffer a seroconversion illness only a week after exposure seems awfully quick to me. And as I think RapidRod suggested, to pass on HIV through a mutual masturbation session would be highly unlikely.

I was diagnosed positive on 11/14/07 and immediately called the guy I had my one-night stand with so he could be tested.  About two weeks later he comes back positive.  So I know I received it from him.

With respect, I don't think you can know that for sure. If I was in your position I think I would want to sit down with your boyfriend and have a serious, frank discussion about both of your recent sexual histories.

Carl
Manchester, UK
« Last Edit: December 07, 2007, 05:00:00 AM by BassMan »
Diagnosed December 2002
CD4 810 VL 750,000

Started meds October 2004
CD4 405 VL >100,000

Latest Results: October 2009
CD4 888 38%, VL undetectable
on fosamprenavir/ritonavir & Truvada

VL undetectable since November 2005

Offline Ann

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  • It just is, OK?
    • Num is sum qui mentiar tibi?
Re: Cheated on boyfriend - may have given him HIV. Please help.
« Reply #4 on: December 07, 2007, 05:11:04 AM »

As for your boyfriend's indeterminate result, everyone I have ever known who has had such a result (including myself) subsequently tested positive so as GSO said, I think you need to prepare yourself for that.


Hmm... actually, we see indeterminates that don't end up being proper positives all the time in the Am I forum. It's quite possible that the boyfriend won't end up positive and if he does, it won't be from mutual masturbation, no matter how high the viral load might have been.

Ann
Condoms are a girl's best friend

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"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline carousel

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  • Posts: 821
Re: Cheated on boyfriend - may have given him HIV. Please help.
« Reply #5 on: December 07, 2007, 05:11:44 AM »
As said above, I don't really understand how you could give your boyfriend HIV through mutual masturbation.  I was just wondering if there other bits to this story that you did not feel able to share.

One thing I did wonder, and I may be completely off the mark, was whether your boyfriend had also been faithful.

If it is you that has given it to him, it must be a difficult thing to deal with, but you have to accept that you have made a mistake.  You did not set out to infect anyone and made sure that you told him and the guy you had sex with as soon as possible, which I think is rather brave.

Wishing you all the best

Offline BassMan

  • Member
  • Posts: 77
  • Gran Canaria 2006
Re: Cheated on boyfriend - may have given him HIV. Please help.
« Reply #6 on: December 07, 2007, 05:57:36 AM »
Hmm... actually, we see indeterminates that don't end up being proper positives all the time in the Am I forum. It's quite possible that the boyfriend won't end up positive and if he does, it won't be from mutual masturbation, no matter how high the viral load might have been.

Fair point Ann, I'm sure you deal with those all the time, it's just that I haven't personally known any indeterminates that end up negative so I can only speak from experience. When I was diagnosed, the doc did tell me that the "indeterminate" result was often used as a euphemism for "we're pretty sure you're positive but want to be sure before we break the news." Nevertheless, I hope you're right and that Patrick's bf tests negative.

But Patrick, I can't help thinking we're not getting the full picture here. There seems to me to be too many instances of bad luck here for this to stack up right. You're obviously in a very emotional place right now, which is something we can all relate to; you're not only dealing with a recent diagnosis, but also the possibility that you've passed it on to someone you obviously care deeply about. But are you sure you're not beating yourself up unnecessarily? From what I can see you've done all the right things by contacting your casual sex partner and by thinking of your boyfriend. I just hope everyone else in the picture is being as open and honest as you seem to be.

Good luck.

Carl
Manchester, UK
Diagnosed December 2002
CD4 810 VL 750,000

Started meds October 2004
CD4 405 VL >100,000

Latest Results: October 2009
CD4 888 38%, VL undetectable
on fosamprenavir/ritonavir & Truvada

VL undetectable since November 2005

Offline Basquo

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  • Posts: 3,277
Re: Cheated on boyfriend - may have given him HIV. Please help.
« Reply #7 on: December 07, 2007, 08:54:30 AM »
are you sure you got HIV from the trick and not your boyfriend?  He could have been cheating at the same time you were.

Offline red_Dragon888

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  • Posts: 2,811
  • Love and Be Love in Return
Re: Cheated on boyfriend - may have given him HIV. Please help.
« Reply #8 on: December 08, 2007, 08:20:56 PM »
Hmm... actually, we see indeterminates that don't end up being proper positives all the time in the Am I forum. It's quite possible that the boyfriend won't end up positive and if he does, it won't be from mutual masturbation, no matter how high the viral load might have been.

Ann

I agree with Ann.  And don't be too hard on yourself. 
http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=I3ba3lnFHik

“Neither look forward where there is doubt nor backward where there is regret. Look inward and ask not if there is anything o

 


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