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Author Topic: Awaiting my 3 month results...my story.  (Read 3447 times)

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Offline GoingCrazy

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Awaiting my 3 month results...my story.
« on: December 03, 2007, 04:13:55 PM »
Hey guys...

Basically, here's my story: I've posted on another board and have been told that I'm going to be fine, but I seriously can't control my anxiety these days and you guys here seem really knowledgable. Unlike the majority of people who post here, I had a ligitimate high risk, which was unprotected receptive anal sex with a guy of unknown status (at the time). I am 17 years old, gay, but not out to anyone. Before he started I asked if he had a condom and he said he forgot it and I said no, but then it just ended up happening. I don't blame him although he should have taken no for an answer and stopped trying, but it is my fault that I wasn't definitive enough. I now have learned my lesson. Basically we ended up talking about it afterwards because I seriously started to freak out, and he told me he had been tested and that he always used protection (clearly not, as he didn't hesitate to do me without one). Anyways, as I suspected he eventually told me that he had lied about being tested and that he had been with 10 people before me and often unprotected (the majority of them being girls, but some guys). Needless to say, I was devastated and felt betrayed (although I did it to myself by allowing myself to be put at risk, but what can I say I was naive and that's my fault and I hate myself for doing it).

Anyway, even after I found this out I still continued to talk to him, and at about 80 days past our encounter I guess I freaked him out enough to the point where he decided to go get tested. I went with him and got his results, which were negative (I saw on paper). This was a huge relief for me, and while we were at the clinic I got tested myself for closure purposes and now all these anxieties have returned. These "what if" scenarios keep playing through my head. It's taking longer for them to get my results than it did for his. These little things just keep racing through my mind and I can't control it, I just keep picturing them calling me into a little room at telling me bad news. My grades have suffered, I have lost my interests, I just got accepted to my top choice college with a scholarship and I just don't even seem to care because I can feel all of this coming and crashing down on me. My logic tells me I'm going to be okay but there's that little voice that persists.

I'm not going to go into details about my symptoms or anything because everything I've experienced happened 9-11 weeks after the incident and was probably anxiety driven, not to mention symptoms are useless with this disease. Even though there's a good chance I will have dodged the bullet on this one, I worry that I will react this way after every sexual encounter I have for the rest of my life. I didn't realize HOW high risk gay men were with this stuff, and it's really backtracked me a lot in being able to be comfortable with my sexuality. I know that condoms will prevent this, and God knows that I will NEVER EVER EVER even think about going it again without one, but I even see people on the "I Just Tested Poz" forum saying they don't know how they could have gotten it, they always tried to practice safe sex, yada, yada, yada...That could be me some day. I just don't know.

Anyways, if you bothered to read this far, thanks and I'm sorry for rambling. I'm not going to go on anymore because I do realize that you guys aren't therapists, haha. I'm hoping that my conclusive test will be negative and I can move on with my life but I know that will be hard to do. Basically, I'm trying to be rational (unsuccessfully) and am wondering if I should definitely expect a negative result with my conclusive test. Thanks again.

Online Andy Velez

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Re: Awaiting my 3 month results...my story.
« Reply #1 on: December 03, 2007, 04:23:08 PM »
OK. I don't have to repeat what you have already said -- that you realize you can't ever put yourself in this kind of situation again. You can have intercourse with as many guys as you want to. Whether they are HIV+ or not will be irrelevant as long as the insertive partner is always, without exception, wearing a condom.

Now, your incident. It was a single incident. Good. And you went with the guy and actually saw his test result. Ordinarily I don't put much faith in that but I can see in this situation it has some reliability. But that's not the same as you getting your own negative result, which I know you also realize.

I would say the odds are in your favor that you're going to test negative. Your symptoms don't mean a thing in terms of knowing your HIV status. If they persist discuss them with your doctor.

Stay productively busy until you get your result. I think there's a good shot that you will test negative.

Keep us posted and good luck. 

Cheers,
Andy Velez

Offline GoingCrazy

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Re: Awaiting my 3 month results...my story.
« Reply #2 on: December 03, 2007, 04:30:49 PM »
Thank you for the quick response. I would also point out that this was my first time ever with a guy, and before this I had only had protected sex with my ex-girlfriend, so this is the only real STD risk I've ever had.

Online Andy Velez

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Re: Awaiting my 3 month results...my story.
« Reply #3 on: December 03, 2007, 04:53:15 PM »
OK, well like I said I think the odds are in your favor.

And whichever gender you are with in the future, whoever is the insertive partner needs to be wearing a condom everytime. No exceptions.

Keep us posted.
Andy Velez

Offline GoingCrazy

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Re: Awaiting my 3 month results...my story.
« Reply #4 on: December 06, 2007, 07:23:14 PM »
Just called the clinic. All my STD tests were negative, including HIV!!! I'm seriously shaking and crying tears of joy right now. I've lived through complete hell through the last three months and have many times completely convinced myself I was positive and planned out how to tell my family and friends (as you can imagine, not the ideal way to come out of the closet). Andy, thank you for your answer and I just want to say that everyone here is truly great, and much stronger than I could ever be...Having said that, I don't plan on ever having to come back and visit you all again! While this was probably one of the worst experiences of my life, I'm glad I went through it and am able to learn from this mistake.

At about 14 weeks past exposure, I'm going to take these results as conclusive and move on with my life, which unfortunately it seems many people here cannot do.

Offline GoingCrazy

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Re: Awaiting my 3 month results...my story.
« Reply #5 on: July 16, 2008, 02:03:49 PM »
Ok I know I said I wouldnt be back here and I hate that I am but this is too much to ignore. Last Wednesday I came down with an over 102 degree fever, body acches, and a sore throat. I had drenching night sweats which I attributed to the Tylenol I was taking to reduce the fever. Tested negative for both strep and mono, my dr said it is probably some sort of bacterial infection and gave me antibiotics. By monday all my symptoms were gone, except the horrible night sweats. Ive had them the past few nights even when I haven't had a fever or anything. The only explanation for these things seems to be HIV. I thought I had moved on from all this but now I feel like it would be irresponsible for me to not get tested again because of the symptoms and my high risk incident, it just all seems to point to HIV and I'm driving myself insane again

Offline RapidRod

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Re: Awaiting my 3 month results...my story.
« Reply #6 on: July 16, 2008, 06:34:38 PM »
Are you talking about your exposure in Dec. of last year? The symptoms you are having now have nothing to do with that. You had a conclusive negative test.

Online Andy Velez

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Re: Awaiting my 3 month results...my story.
« Reply #7 on: July 16, 2008, 06:56:51 PM »
Talk to your doctor about your symptoms. They have nothing to do with HIV. You have conclusively and reliably tested negative for HIV so that's not an issue. Period. End of story.

Obviously you're still anxious about the whole subject but you are worrying needlessly about HIV. Really.

Cheers,
Andy Velez

Offline GoingCrazy

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Re: Awaiting my 3 month results...my story.
« Reply #8 on: July 16, 2008, 09:45:20 PM »
Yeah I'm still talking about my exposure from last august, which would have been 11 months ago...I just can't think of any other explanation for these symptoms, ive never gotten night sweats like this before. I know 3 months is supposed to be conclusive but I can't shake this feeling that these are due to HIV because they are so similar to the ones I have read about. Maybe I'm being irrational but I feel like I need to test again

Offline Matty the Damned

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Re: Awaiting my 3 month results...my story.
« Reply #9 on: July 17, 2008, 12:08:35 AM »
Well test again. The result will be negative and you'll be no closer to working out what's making you ill.

You do not have HIV.

MtD

Online Andy Velez

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Re: Awaiting my 3 month results...my story.
« Reply #10 on: July 17, 2008, 07:45:08 AM »
You're talking about feelings and not facts. The fact is that you have reliable tested negative for HIV. Just because you can't "shake that feeling" doesn't make your HIV test invalid.

Stop practicing medicine on yourself without a license. Talk with your doctor about your concerns. And consider seeing a therapist or other professional to get some help with sorting out your feelings about this situation.

You don't have HIV. Period.
Andy Velez

Offline GoingCrazy

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Re: Awaiting my 3 month results...my story.
« Reply #11 on: September 23, 2008, 01:23:35 AM »
I know 3 months is supposed to be conclusive and you will all tell me i'm fine but i can't help it. I can't believe i've turned into one of those people who obsesses over and over about an incident but the symptoms are freaking me out. I got sick with fever (101) again last month and have been having random night sweats also. I had one again last night. It's like every time I think I'm moving on they come back to remind me i could still have this. I've been crying all day, can't get my school work done, can't concentrate...all I can do is research the internet about this stupid hiv stuff. I scheduled a rapid test for tomorrow at the student health center but i don't know if i'll even have to the nerves to go because i just KNOW it's going to be positive and i'm not ready for that. i don't really know why i'm posting here, i know you all are going to tell me i don't have hiv but the sympoms with the high risk are too much for me to ignore, and i have no one to talk to about this

Offline anniebc

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  • AM member since 2003
Re: Awaiting my 3 month results...my story.
« Reply #12 on: September 23, 2008, 01:54:41 AM »


Quote
Just called the clinic. All my STD tests were negative, including HIV!!! I'm
At about 14 weeks past exposure, I'm going to take these results as conclusive and move on with my life, which unfortunately it seems many people here cannot do.

Seems you have now joined the ranks of the many, read the posts again and listen...you do not have HIV, discuss your symptoms with your Doctor, there is nothing else we can add to the good advise you have already been given, and I think this seems a good time to remind you of the posting guides:

"Anyone who continues to post excessively, questioning a conclusive negative result or no-risk situation, will be subject to a four week Time Out (a temporary ban from the Forums). If you continue to post excessively after one Time Out, you may be given a second Time Out which will last eight weeks. There is no third Time Out - it is a permanent ban. The purpose of a Time Out is to encourage you to seek the face-to-face help we cannot provide on this forum".

Jan
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
Never knock on deaths door..ring the bell and run..he really hates that.

Offline GoingCrazy

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  • Posts: 8
Re: Awaiting my 3 month results...my story.
« Reply #13 on: September 23, 2008, 02:10:30 AM »
i know, i'm usually not an irrational person and i never thought i would become one of the people that continued to obsess, and I wasn't- I had pretty much moved on with my life until I got this unexplainable sickness...i am going in for a test tomorrow which i am pretty much anticipating to be positive...i won't post here anymore though because i know your answers for me aren't going to change. thanks.

Online Andy Velez

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Re: Awaiting my 3 month results...my story.
« Reply #14 on: September 23, 2008, 09:11:42 AM »
OK, so go ahead, test and collect your negative result. And then if you still have symptoms that are concerning you, discuss them with your doctor. Because they have nothing to do with HIV. Period.
Andy Velez

Offline GoingCrazy

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  • Posts: 8
Re: Awaiting my 3 month results...my story.
« Reply #15 on: September 23, 2008, 02:44:53 PM »
Got the rapid test done...negative. I feel really stupid. Thanks again guys for putting up with me. I can assure you this time, I will NOT be back here.

Online Andy Velez

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Re: Awaiting my 3 month results...my story.
« Reply #16 on: September 23, 2008, 02:47:40 PM »
No need to feel stupid. Enjoy being reassured about your HIV negative status. AND protect that status by always, without exception, using a latex condom when you have vaginal or anal intercourse. It's as simple as that.

Cheers,
Andy Velez

 


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