Quantcast

Subscribe to:
POZ magazine
E-newsletters
Join POZ: Facebook MySpace Twitter Pinterest
Tumblr Google+ Flickr MySpace
POZ Personals
Sign In / Join
Username:
Password:
Welcome, Guest. Please login or register.
July 24, 2014, 01:18:20 AM

Login with username, password and session length


Members
Stats
  • Total Posts: 631657
  • Total Topics: 47816
  • Online Today: 231
  • Online Ever: 585
  • (January 07, 2014, 02:31:47 PM)
Users Online
Users: 3
Guests: 214
Total: 217

Welcome


Welcome to the POZ/AIDSmeds Community Forums, a round-the-clock discussion area for people with HIV/AIDS, their friends/family/caregivers, and others concerned about HIV/AIDS.  Click on the links below to browse our various forums; scroll down for a glance at the most recent posts; or join in the conversation yourself by registering on the left side of this page.

Privacy Warning:  Please realize that these forums are open to all, and are fully searchable via Google and other search engines. If you are HIV positive and disclose this in our forums, then it is almost the same thing as telling the whole world (or at least the World Wide Web). If this concerns you, then do not use a username or avatar that are self-identifying in any way. We do not allow the deletion of anything you post in these forums, so think before you post.

  • The information shared in these forums, by moderators and members, is designed to complement, not replace, the relationship between an individual and his/her own physician.

  • All members of these forums are, by default, not considered to be licensed medical providers. If otherwise, users must clearly define themselves as such.

  • Forums members must behave at all times with respect and honesty. Posting guidelines, including time-out and banning policies, have been established by the moderators of these forums. Click here for “Am I Infected?” posting guidelines. Click here for posting guidelines pertaining to all other POZ/AIDSmeds community forums.

  • We ask all forums members to provide references for health/medical/scientific information they provide, when it is not a personal experience being discussed. Please provide hyperlinks with full URLs or full citations of published works not available via the Internet. Additionally, all forums members must post information which are true and correct to their knowledge.

  • Product advertisement—including links; banners; editorial content; and clinical trial, study or survey participation—is strictly prohibited by forums members unless permission has been secured from POZ.

To change forums navigation language settings, click here (members only), Register now

Para cambiar sus preferencias de los foros en español, haz clic aquí (sólo miembros), Regístrate ahora

Finished Reading This? You can collapse this or any other box on this page by clicking the symbol in each box.

Author Topic: Are you happy generally speaking  (Read 3216 times)

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

Offline John2038

  • Member
  • Posts: 1,529
  • Happiness is a journey, not a destination.
    • HIV Research News (Twitter)
Are you happy generally speaking
« on: November 29, 2007, 12:04:12 PM »
Hi,

I'm aware about my status since 2 months now.
First devastated, then anxious, and now, I forget.

Since a week, I'm almost not even think being poz.
As a consequence, I feel happy as before.

I know that my count are not fantastic, that I will have to consider to be on med soon, and that any disease may happen any time.

But if I have it, it doesn't impact how I feel, cause I feel good. It has impact my mind, but I'm on my way to be cured on that aspect.

So now it's like "the day it would happen, it will happen. In between, its life as usual".
 
I'm posting this thoughts because I'm wondering.

Are everybody the same ? How are you in average living your disease ? Do you have almost a normal life, in average ?
Can you forget this disease for a while ? Are you enjoying your life, having someone to share it, love, friends, family ?

I ask, because I don't know how long this feeling that I can forget it can stay.
Isn't it that for most of you, the hiv is at first a bad news followed by normal life ?
Do you have also hops for a cure sooner or later, and if not, the transformation to a chronic disease ?
Don't you think that we can enjoy life and when the last mile will arrive, it will arrive, so better just enjoy till then ?


Offline Mouse

  • Member
  • Posts: 1,463
  • Om nom nom.
Re: Are you happy generally speaking
« Reply #1 on: November 29, 2007, 12:11:56 PM »
It's definitely just routine for me now, when you're talking about day-to-day stuff. Occasionally during my normal day life some thing or another will make me think about it, but I have trouble even remembering what life was like before.

Of course there are times that I'm not feeling well, or I'm out to see my doctor, or I'm getting labs done or something, where I feel alternately annoyed or frustrated or upset, but they're just feelings that I think people have to deal with for a variety of things in life and this just happens to be one of mine. For the first couple years I was definitely depressed, especially because a lot of that time was spent telling the people that I had to tell, and it was very awkward and embarrassing and occasionally painful. It's only really this year that I've really felt that I've fallen into this routine with it. I'm also feeling a lot better physically this year than I had the past two years (on December 28th it'll be 3 years since I tested positive) so that probably contributes to it often. If I feel good, it's not really on my mind. I guess that's just how I sort it out.

Dan J.

  • Guest
Re: Are you happy generally speaking
« Reply #2 on: November 29, 2007, 12:20:11 PM »
For myself I would say yes, I am generally happy with my life. I have been living with HIV for 21 years. I can't say that I "forget about being +" taking those 7 pills 2x a day how can I? I refuse to give HIV any more power over my life than I have to. Some people like to focus on what HIV took away from them. It took my career, & i had to move back home with my parents. I used to have a lot of shame associated with that. I worked through those feelings and now I am glad that my family is here to help me. They may not fully understand what I go through, but at least I know they love me for who I am. I have my husband Hermie, whom I met through this forum . Eventhough we live 4600 miles apart we see one another on MSN everyday. Hopefully after I get through this latest health crisis I will be able to go to Belgium to be with him for at least 3 months. I have made several close friendships through this forum & with out the love and support that I recieve here I doubt I would be here now.

Things could always be better, but my life isn't that bad...


Dan

Offline thunter34

  • Member
  • Posts: 7,302
  • His name is Carl.
Re: Are you happy generally speaking
« Reply #3 on: November 29, 2007, 12:27:49 PM »
Are everybody the same ? How are you in average living your disease ? Do you have almost a normal life, in average ?
Can you forget this disease for a while ? Are you enjoying your life, having someone to share it, love, friends, family ?

I ask, because I don't know how long this feeling that I can forget it can stay.
Isn't it that for most of you, the hiv is at first a bad news followed by normal life ?

My life has never been "normal", with or without HIV.  Before AIDS, there was the whole "gay" thing.  Before that, there was this whole cerebral religion/existential questioning thing (which still persists, really...and always will because that's how my head operates), and throughout all this has been various degrees of BPMD.

And take away all that, and I am just an odd little duck to begin with.    I'm weird, goofy, corny, excessively trampy at heart and just altogether left of center in general.    I have no idea what a "normal life" might be, but the things I've seen held up and heralded as examples of it have always been simplistic in a way that I can't seem to gear down to and wholly uninteresting.

I enjoy life most when I abandon ideas of normalcy.

Quote
Can you forget this disease for a while ?
 

Can I forget HIV / AIDS?  No.  And I don't want to either.  There are too many good reasons not to forget about it.

It's on my mind every day, but in a better way now than it was before if I tell the truth.

Before, it was this shadowy spectre that loomed and loomed but without any real perspective or focus.

I see it a whole bunch clearer now, and I'm way grateful for that personally.

Quote
Do you have also hops for a cure sooner or later, and if not, the transformation to a chronic disease ?

I have hopes for a cure, sure.  I have hopes for a great many things in this world, and many of them just as ghastly as AIDS.

I would dare say the way in which AIDS is responded to is indicative of a sicker situation than the one presented by the virus itself.

And I'm holding out hope for a cure to that sort of thing also, though I suspect it's a chronic condition for the long haul.

Quote
Don't you think that we can enjoy life and when the last mile will arrive, it will arrive, so better just enjoy till then ?

Yes.  But then we always could, and we always should.




AIDS isn't for sissies.

Offline pozattitude

  • Member
  • Posts: 909
  • Enjoy
    • to find out more about me....
Re: Are you happy generally speaking
« Reply #4 on: November 29, 2007, 01:13:20 PM »
I'm pretty happy except when I am at work, but that's because I HATE my corporate job.
I'm sure I'll be a lot happier once I get a job working for a non for profit organization...until then...I'll just be unhappy from 7am-4pm M-F  ;)

as far as the HIV goes...no it does not make me unhappy to be positive, not that it makes me happy either, but it is not something that makes me depressed anymore.  I guess you could say I chose to make HIV/AIDS my "lifestyle" because I no longer want to forget about it, I rather use my feelings about HIV/AIDS to push me to strive to make a difference in the lives of those who are less fortunate than me, I chose to be an activist and fight the prejudice and ignorance people still have about HIV/AIDS.  This fight gives me a purpose in life and I would not give it up for anything in this world.

Rich
POSITIVE PEDALERS... We are a group of people living with HIV/AIDS, eliminating stigma through our positive public example.

Offline woodshere

  • Member
  • Posts: 1,477
  • ain't no shame in my game
Re: Are you happy generally speaking
« Reply #5 on: November 29, 2007, 01:20:07 PM »
My life has never been "normal", with or without HIV.  

So true.

Life has pretty much returned to what "normal" was for me before testing poz.  HIV is as much a part of my life as most anything else is.  When I am working 42 straight hours preparing for a wedding don't think about it much.  When I am watching Amazing Race and Regan appears in an HIV awareness PSA, it is very much on my mind.  As far as the daily meds, I was taking meds on a daily basis for other things prior to adding my HIV meds, so I just pop 'em in and go.
"Let us give pubicity to HV/AIDS and not hide it..." "One of the things destroying people with AIDS is the stigma we attach to it."   Nelson Mandela

Offline bear60

  • Member
  • Posts: 4,104
Re: Are you happy generally speaking
« Reply #6 on: November 29, 2007, 01:38:53 PM »
I am so glad I lived through the 1970's.

Peter Townsend, in a Rolling Stone article he wrote on Meher Baba: "After about six months of Baba following, Baba was still alive then, I met a guy in San Francisco who had met Baba in India called Rick Chapman. Rick lives in Berkeley and runs Meher Baba Information from Box 1101 at the Post Office there. He is the man responsible for the glut of DON'T WORRY, BE HAPPY cards that you must have seen if you live in San Francisco."

Read the whole thing:
http://www.thewho.net/articles/townshen/rs_1970.htm
Poz Bear Type in Philadelphia

Offline DanielMark

  • Member
  • Posts: 1,475
Re: Are you happy generally speaking
« Reply #7 on: November 29, 2007, 04:40:09 PM »
Quote
So now it's like "the day it would happen, it will happen. In between, its life as usual".

John,

If after only two months you have already reached this point, then I would say you are doing very well! It's not denial, because you are obviously aware of what the future will probably hold Ė youíre just not dwelling on it.

Thatís basically the same mind set I have, although it took me much longer (years longer) to get there. Apart from minor aggravations, I am basically content with my life situation most of the time. I have survived 19 years with HIV/AIDS and a couple of OIs so far, and I figure any day I wake up alive is bonus time. With the life Iíve lived I should have been dead many times over by now.

Anyhow, hold on to that attitude/perspective. It will help you in the long run.

Daniel
MEDS: REYATAZ & KIVEXA (SINCE AUG 2008)

MAY 2000 LAB RESULTS: CD4 678
VL STILL UNDETECTABLE

DIAGNOSED IN 1988

Offline DCGUY2007

  • Member
  • Posts: 315
Re: Are you happy generally speaking
« Reply #8 on: November 30, 2007, 02:11:49 AM »
I was watching a show the other day on CNN "Happiness and Your Health". I didn't get to watch the entire show but it was very interesting. It seems there are some theories that there may be some gentic basis for  people being able to remain happy despite challenges in life. I know people like this.

I can't say I am one of them. But I am working at it. Good for you though! Seems like you are doing well  :)
« Last Edit: November 30, 2007, 02:13:53 AM by DCGUY2007 »

tendai

  • Guest
Re: Are you happy generally speaking
« Reply #9 on: November 30, 2007, 07:55:56 AM »
generally speaking. well i wouldnt say im desperately un-happy but i have managed to keep my life as normal as possible. since im not yet on meds i just have had to worry about the nutrition aspect of things, difficult as it is here with our situation right now. plus the fact that i cant look at a man with lust in my eyes coz the next minute i'll be writing him off coz i have the bug and i dont want to go thru the whole dislosure business. thats is a bummer for sure.

Offline BT65

  • Global Moderator
  • Member
  • Posts: 9,837
  • Vegas baby!
Re: Are you happy generally speaking
« Reply #10 on: November 30, 2007, 08:12:31 AM »
I agree with Tim.  My life was never normal before HIV entered into it.  I always lived life in the fast lane, with the whole addiction thing. 

I've been positive for 18 years now.  The few OI's I've had were extremely hard to get through.  And with World AIDS day upon us, well, I got a little teary this morning remembering how many close friends I've lost whle reading an article about the upcoming events around the U.S. for the day.  But I don't get as severely depressed as I used to.  I'm on disability and have been for the past 13 years, when I got on it because of having the wasting syndrome and not being expected to live.  The not being expected to live thing has happened to me time and again and well, I'm still here.  My oldest sister says it's because there's some kind of master "plan" for me, but I don't know that I totally buy that.  I suppose my purpose is whatever I make it to be. 

Anyway, it sounds like you're dealing with it well.  Just hang in there. 
I've never killed anyone, but I frequently get satisfaction reading the obituary notices.-Clarence Darrow

Offline Iggy

  • Member
  • Posts: 2,435
Re: Are you happy generally speaking
« Reply #11 on: November 30, 2007, 10:28:21 AM »
I disagree with any sort of measurement of my life based on being generally happy or not.  I think it's too artificial a marker and too misguided in modern day definitions of what "happy" means.

I am content with who I am and appreciative to have the abilities to live this life and enjoy what I can.  That is plenty for me.


Offline David_CA

  • Member
  • Posts: 3,245
  • Joined: March 2006
Re: Are you happy generally speaking
« Reply #12 on: November 30, 2007, 11:29:24 AM »
I'm with those who wonder if their life was ever 'normal'.  Being gay, I always felt a bit out of step, in some ways, with others.  It wasn't a bad feeling, but just a feeling.  It didn't bother me and I didn't stress about it.  When I was much younger, I thought it was kind of cool, in a way, to have those interests in other guys. 

It's always been a good life.  I've always had fun.  I've always felt secure.  I've been blessed to not have had to worry about having basic needs met.  I've always been happy, too.  Of course, not every single moment (such as the few hours after I found out I was HIV+), but in general, yes.

In my opinion, happiness is the ultimate measure of one's life.  Without happiness, I don't think I'd enjoy much of life in general.  Why would I try to accomplish anything, other than to survive?  Why would I care for and about those around me - my husband, family, and friends?  I also think it'd be difficult for a person who's not happy, or has ever experienced happiness, to understand.

There's depression and clinical depression.  Perhaps there's happiness (of the moment) and clinical happiness.  If that's the case, then I have clinical happiness and HIV (and all the other crap in my past and present life) hasn't changed that.  HIV has certainly not added a lot of good to my life, but it has caused me to see a lot of positives that I wouldn't have otherwise.  I was discussing this exact topic with my mom last night.  She mentioned that it had been about a year since I was in the hospital.  Actually, it was exactly a year that she learned that I was HIV+ while I was in the hospital.  The only time that I was seriously depressed was before I disclosed to my family.  Once that hurdle was overcome, I was back to normal emotionally.  We all deal with a certain amount of crap in our lives.  Some certainly deal with a lot more than others.  It's how we deal with that crap that determines, to me, if we'll be happy. 

David
Black Friday 03-03-2006
03-23-06 CD4 359 @27.4% VL 75,938
06-01-06 CD4 462 @24.3% VL > 100,000
08-15-06 CD4 388 @22.8% VL >  "
10-21-06 CD4 285 @21.9% VL >  "
  Atripla started 12-01-2006
01-08-07 CD4 429 @26.8% VL 1872!
05-08-07 CD4 478 @28.1% VL 740
08-03-07 CD4 509 @31.8% VL 370
11-06-07 CD4 570 @30.0% VL 140
02-21-08 CD4 648 @32.4% VL 600
05-19-08 CD4 695 @33.1% VL < 48 undetectable!
08-21-08 CD4 725 @34.5%
11-11-08 CD4 672 @39.5%
02-11-09 CD4 773 @36.8%
05-11-09 CD4 615 @36.2%
08-19-09 CD4 770 @38.5%
11-19-09 CD4 944 @33.7%
02-17-10 CD4 678 @39.9%  
06-03-10 CD4 768 @34.9%
09-21-10 CD4 685 @40.3%
01-10-11 CD4 908 @36.3%
05-23-11 CD4 846 @36.8% VL 80
02-13-12 CD4 911 @41.4% VL<20
You must be the change you want to see in the world.  Mahatma Gandhi

Offline John2038

  • Member
  • Posts: 1,529
  • Happiness is a journey, not a destination.
    • HIV Research News (Twitter)
Re: Are you happy generally speaking
« Reply #13 on: November 30, 2007, 02:51:57 PM »
Hi,

I was hopping more positive feedbacks, but at least there are some.

I do not want to look pretentious, but I just want to says why I believe I can survive to this extremely bad news.

1) My condition

bad:   Risks of TB, lymphoma (investigation on-going -x-ray & pet scan)
so-so: 361 < CD4 <543, 1732 < VL < 5000 (18%)
good: good shape

So its not brilliant, but there are worst conditions (unfortunately).

2) How do I react

What are my possible scenarios ?
 
bad:   to have an OI and potentially die quickly (OI)
so-so: to be on meds soon
good: to stay in good shape for a while (out of med), eventually to become a LTNP

How to deal with the worst case ?

Dying soon is definitely a bad news.

But what means dying ?
I'm considering these 2 options:

a) After we die, nothing happen. We just not exists.
b) God exists, and the Heaven as well

Well, nothing to really worry about isn't it?
Of course, lot of regrets about life, friends, family, love, etc..

Now, we all gonna die, poz or neg.
POZ might die from an OI, but NEG as well ! We will all die from something ANYWAY.

Nowadays, the main causes of death are:
Accidents (31%), Cancer (25%), Heart (18%), Suicide (15%), AIDS (10%)
Source

So what's the real problem of being poz ?

1) Agony, pain, complications ?
Nowadays, medicine allows to keep hops in most cases.
If no here are associations such as Dignitas

2) Stress ?
Its mainly in the mind.

3) Love
POZ can still found love. We are 40 millions (unfortunately).

4) Friends, family ?
No need to disclose our status.
If need to, friends and family will accept. Otherwise, yes, its a problem.
But poz can also have new friends, new love, create a family.

Well, the list can continue, but for me, I have summarize my problem as follow:

1) As long as I feel good, I don't need to worry. Because as long as I feel good, I can do whatever I want, like before.
There are some limitations or restrictions, but nothing insurmountable.

2) If my health go down, I will try first all possible treatments.
If all treatments fails, I will choose the euthanasia. Its a drink, followed by a sleep and ...
You might want to see the film called EXIT (also called "Le choix de Jean" available in French, with English and German subtitles)

3) In between, love is important. Friends as well.

4) God is the most important. For some, to believe in God is a way to accept in a positive way all. For some, God didn't exists. I believe it more difficult then.
Sorry to say that, I hops I won't offend anyone: but for those who don't know about God, just know that you can pray to ask Him to enter in your life (see the previous link).
Inspirational video:
- The interview with God
- You Tube

5) Acceptation: the death (not be afraid), the disease but also, the hops !

Ok, that's how I can summarize my thoughts. Nothing outstanding, but it make my life almost normal.
I wishes you the same, whatever could be the way you follow to get this normal life.
Because at the end of the day, you are still alive, and you don't want regret your life if you don't live it when you are alive.

Good Luck to all of you, God bless you.

Offline StrongGuy

  • Member
  • Posts: 492
Re: Are you happy generally speaking
« Reply #14 on: November 30, 2007, 05:23:22 PM »
My personal feeling is that keeping yourself as healthy as possible psychologically is a major part of effectively dealing with this disease.

I definitely consider myself happy, but of course I have my days (most recently because of my bf who has been working my last nerve past few months. he he he...but he's too darn cute to stay mad at). I look back on darker days and bad times and am proud of how I have grown and learned and am thankful I finally stopped sitting back and trying to rationalize my melancholy - but confronted it with help from good people and snapped out of my own personal state of denial.

There will be always be ups and down, but the way I look at it I got a bad lot with HIV, but there's many reasons to be hopeful and many many things to be happy about!

Peace,
Mike :)
« Last Edit: November 30, 2007, 05:27:08 PM by StrongGuy »
"Get your medical advice from Doctors or medical professionals who you trust and know your history."

"Beware of the fortune teller doom and gloomers who seek to bring you down and are only looking for company, purpose and validation - not your best physical/mental interests."

"You know you all are saying that this is incurable. When the real thing you should be saying is it's not curable at the present time' because as we know, the great strides we've made in medicine." - Elizabeth Edwards

Offline Miss Philicia

  • Member
  • Posts: 23,874
  • celebrity poster, faker & poser
Re: Are you happy generally speaking
« Reply #15 on: November 30, 2007, 05:33:43 PM »
I was happy until about an hour ago when I learned an old friend of mine's now dating my favorite porn star that appeared in Arabian Fist.

seriously
"Iíve slept with enough men to know that Iím not gay"

Offline mudman8

  • Member
  • Posts: 115
Re: Are you happy generally speaking
« Reply #16 on: November 30, 2007, 06:22:06 PM »
I think it's normal to question and ride a roller coaster emotionally after bad health news. All the what if and hear after thoughts. You have to do your own deciding on that.

I was always  upbeat in my youth. But when I had some serious concerns 12 years ago the Dr suggested psych meds as I was feeling low. Glad he did, they really helped tho have side effects. I've been on 3 (not all at once) over the past years, and I"ve had years between them, but depression seems to come back.

One health professional said fighting a major disease long term is really tough on your body in many ways.  I just got back on one 2 months ago and in 2 weeks I was back to my old engaging self (well I think so) after months of gloom. Way better.
Life is analog

Offline komnaes

  • Member
  • Posts: 1,893
Re: Are you happy generally speaking
« Reply #17 on: December 01, 2007, 03:44:12 AM »
I was happy until about an hour ago when I learned an old friend of mine's now dating my favorite porn star that appeared in Arabian Fist.

seriously

Oh, let me guess.. Huessein? Tony Serrano?  ;D

To make yourself happy again Philly perhaps you should now work on building your own gay porn empire and then refuse to sign up whoever that is you fancy. That will teach him!

Shaun

(who doesn't care if his best friends are dating his favorite porn stars as long as they 'share'...)
Aug 07 Diagnosed
Oct 07 CD4=446(19%) Feb 08 CD4=421(19%)
Jun 08 CD4=325(22%) Jul 08 CD4=301(18%)
Sep 08 CD4=257/VL=75,000 Oct 08 CD4=347(16%)
Dec 08 CD4=270(16%)
Jan 09 CD4=246(13%)/VL=10,000
Feb 09 CD4=233(15%)/VL=13,000
Started meds Sustiva/Epzicom
May 09 CD4=333(24%)/VL=650
Aug 09 CD4=346(24%)/VL=UD
Nov 09 CD4=437(26%)/VL=UD
Feb 10 CD4=471(31%)/VL=UD
June 10 CD4=517 (28%)/VL=UD
Sept 10 CD4=687 (31%)/VL=UD
Jan 11 CD4=557 (30%)/VL=UD
April 11 CD4=569 (32%)/VL=UD
Switched to Epizcom, Reyataz and Norvir
(Interrupted for 2 months with only Epizcom & Reyataz)
July 11 CD=520 (28%)/VL=UD
Oct 11 CD=771 (31%)/VL=UD(<30)
April 12 CD=609 (28%)/VL=UD(<20)
Aug 12 CD=657 (29%)/VL=UD(<20)
Dec 12 CD=532 (31%)/VL=UD(<20)
May 13 CD=567 (31%)/VL=UD(<20)
Jan 14 CD=521 (21%)/VL=UD(<50)

Offline heartforyou

  • Member
  • Posts: 1,103
  • I must be a survivor in many ways...
Re: Are you happy generally speaking
« Reply #18 on: December 01, 2007, 03:31:15 PM »
Quote
My life has never been "normal", with or without HIV

Hell yeah.
I hate normal life. Never had a clue of what that meant and never will.

Quote
I enjoy life most when I abandon ideas of normalcy

Now that rings a bell.

I have always chosen difficult relationships with emotionally rough partners.
Yet I  always walk the same route again.


Generally spoken I am not a  happy person for so many reasons.
I lost my business, my husband, all my savings and now I live alone and feel alone 99% of the time.
Can think of funnier things to make me happy.

I wake up and I breathe... and that is about it.

When I die I know I will be happy then. Cause when I go so will the little fuckers in me..............
peace at last
Diagnosed in 1987 and still kicking
Viread, Kivexa (Epzicom),Viramune once daily

Happiness is the freedom of breathing fresh air every day.

Offline John2038

  • Member
  • Posts: 1,529
  • Happiness is a journey, not a destination.
    • HIV Research News (Twitter)
Re: Are you happy generally speaking
« Reply #19 on: December 01, 2007, 04:15:36 PM »
heartforyou


You have to prepare the field if you want to receive the rain.

There are a lot of reasons to be happy, no matter our status.
Some of us just haven't prepare their field, or just don't know/see how.

A lot of philosophy isn't, but its appropriate :)

People are here with you, its a good start don't you think ?
« Last Edit: December 01, 2007, 04:17:16 PM by John2038 »

Offline Nico

  • Member
  • Posts: 262
Re: Are you happy generally speaking
« Reply #20 on: December 01, 2007, 09:26:50 PM »
Happy having Aids no!! How about content since I am still here and living.  I don't dwell on my virus, it is part of me and will be.  I live a more difficult life and navigate feelings and challenges I did not expect.  So, I just accept it as part of my everyday life.  Enough said.

Rog 
Poz since 1990.

Offline BirdBear718

  • Member
  • Posts: 105
Re: Are you happy generally speaking
« Reply #21 on: December 01, 2007, 10:06:11 PM »
I usually read all the posts to the last, then post....but not this time.

Am I generally happy? 
I wish I could sincerely answer yes.  I trick myself into acting like I am.  Others looking in would think I am, but I am not.
I have a great deal of sadness and anger....which I am working on.
It is hard....especially on a day like today...a day of reflection, of memories, and a call to stand up. 
The memories are too hard for me right now.
Hopefully I willwork thought this part of me....soon. 
I try to find joyu in each day...and sometimes it is freakin hard.  But I do it...I find sommmmething to for which to be grateful.

Thank you for asking....

Offline komnaes

  • Member
  • Posts: 1,893
Re: Are you happy generally speaking
« Reply #22 on: December 01, 2007, 11:51:55 PM »
Whenever I am asked "am I happy" I often find myself thinking back to two stories -

First story:

The first husband of my godmother ran the canteen for officers in a remote prison. It was on top of a hill and to go there one had to talk up a very steep road. So he and his staff had to push a trolley-load of fresh foods up the hill everyday to serve. As a kid I went there almost every weekend to help and play (it was in a very beautiful part of Hong Kong, with rock beaches and tiny pools of very clean water on a river). At the beginning he didn't have a car and he would always say to my godmother while pushing the trolley up the hill, "Hell, I would be one happy man if I could afford a car".

Then a few months later he won some money from horse racing and they bought a second hand car, but then he never used it to transport foods. When asked after my godmother got very annoyed about it, he replied, "No way. It will make my car dirty." She got even more angry and asked what then was the point of buying a car. "You kidding? I just wanted one. Who said it had anything to do with getting the foods up this bloody hill." For weeks he was happy driving it up and down the hill, alone, during breaks, until his staff threatened to walk out he used it to carry foods.

Second story:

Some years ago one business partner of my ex introduced us to an old gay friend of his. He was in his early 70s and living in San Francisco. A rather posh gentleman from the UK he could afford living mostly alone though he couldn't walk anymore after a stroke. He had a helper that went to his apartment daily to clean up, cook and wheel him out a bit. One time I was there visiting and the four of us - my ex, his business partner and this gentleman went out for dinner and somehow we started discussing about being happy.

I believe I started talking about not having a lot of happy elderly gay men as role models. He then said something like, "You know, the whole point of being happy is to remind us that life is one sad, sad ordeal."

I am not good at analyzing myself.. so I guess I can only tell stories...

Shaun
« Last Edit: December 01, 2007, 11:55:44 PM by komnaes »
Aug 07 Diagnosed
Oct 07 CD4=446(19%) Feb 08 CD4=421(19%)
Jun 08 CD4=325(22%) Jul 08 CD4=301(18%)
Sep 08 CD4=257/VL=75,000 Oct 08 CD4=347(16%)
Dec 08 CD4=270(16%)
Jan 09 CD4=246(13%)/VL=10,000
Feb 09 CD4=233(15%)/VL=13,000
Started meds Sustiva/Epzicom
May 09 CD4=333(24%)/VL=650
Aug 09 CD4=346(24%)/VL=UD
Nov 09 CD4=437(26%)/VL=UD
Feb 10 CD4=471(31%)/VL=UD
June 10 CD4=517 (28%)/VL=UD
Sept 10 CD4=687 (31%)/VL=UD
Jan 11 CD4=557 (30%)/VL=UD
April 11 CD4=569 (32%)/VL=UD
Switched to Epizcom, Reyataz and Norvir
(Interrupted for 2 months with only Epizcom & Reyataz)
July 11 CD=520 (28%)/VL=UD
Oct 11 CD=771 (31%)/VL=UD(<30)
April 12 CD=609 (28%)/VL=UD(<20)
Aug 12 CD=657 (29%)/VL=UD(<20)
Dec 12 CD=532 (31%)/VL=UD(<20)
May 13 CD=567 (31%)/VL=UD(<20)
Jan 14 CD=521 (21%)/VL=UD(<50)

Offline Dragonette

  • Member
  • Posts: 1,190
  • Spring symptoms
    • NotPerfectAtAll
Re: Are you happy generally speaking
« Reply #23 on: December 02, 2007, 04:45:44 AM »
I loved your stories Shaun

Happiness (and orgasm) is a deactivation of different neuron clusters generating anxiety, stress atc. I read that somewhere, though I must be confusing the jargon. So not a feeling, but a lack of nasty hurtful feelings...
"If you keep one foot in yesterday, and one in tomorrow, you piss all over today". Betty Tacy

 


Terms of Membership for these forums
 

© 2014 Smart + Strong. All Rights Reserved.   terms of use and your privacy
Smart + Strong® is a registered trademark of CDM Publishing, LLC.