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Author Topic: How worried should I be?  (Read 3223 times)

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Offline lococabeza

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How worried should I be?
« on: November 27, 2007, 02:24:57 AM »
Hey there guys/docs,

My dilemma is a common one. What pisses me off is that I have been in a similar situation before and should have learned from it.  I am one of the most vocal proponents of safe sex with all of my friends of any orientation and just fucked up. I think I am a sex addict. I'm bisexual and usually I have penetrative sex with women and more oral sex with men and occasionally top. However I got myself in a situation with a guy who got me so horned up and we did the deed without a condom- I received anal from him unprotected with no ejaculation. He said he had great control and to his credit, I am pretty certain that he didn't come inside me- he takes a long time to cum, from what I could tell. (TMI?) He also has no precum (or very little). I don't think either of us was intending on doing anything but oral, but that's no excuse. However we did try several positions, etc over the course of a day. The sex was VERY cautious (no pounding). He also came a little in my mouth once.

I have his full name and home phone so I doubt that he would lie to me, although he gave me mixed signals because IMO, he was a little too laid back about the whole thing. After we ate together we went back to my hotel room and I talked to him. I told him how I felt about what we had done. He told me that he didn't have sex very often and that I had "nothing to worry about".  I started freaking out later on that night (I should have investigated PEP, but knew little about the efficacy and was afraid of the side effects and costs, although I DEFINTIELY would have if he had come during anal) . So I called him around 2 am and he once again assured me that I had nothing to worry about and asked me the same applied to me, and I confirmed that although I had oral sex with two partners since my last test, that I was pretty certain that I was neg. I hope that this is a reassuring thing.

My first question is - has there ever been a case of a bottom getting infected without any apparent ejaculation (from precum)? I know that because of ethical considerations there is no way to test this, but has there ever been an actual case of someone apparently contracting HIV through precum?

The only thing that really freaked me out was that exactly 2 weeks after my encounter I stupidly left my jacket in my luggage and was stuck in a cool terminal after working up a sweat rushing to get to the airport and the next day I felt like I was getting sick. The thing is EVERYONE was sick then (late Oct) and I never got really sick- just sort of sick.. like you feel like you are gonna get really sick but didn't. I had some mucus and eventually a burgeoning sinus infection... so it could have only been a sinus infection, which I sometimes have. I heard that ARS doesn’t usually have symptoms with increased mucus, is this correct? Never had any noticeable fever, no cold sweats, my appetite was voracious. I had an amazingly busy month in Oct. so it was hard to tell what may have worn me down a little.

I know that I am extremely long-winded but just wanted to talk. To get this out there. I am so embarrassed I don't think I could even tell my close friends about this. Thank you all for your time.
- Loco

Offline Matty the Damned

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Re: How worried should I be?
« Reply #1 on: November 27, 2007, 03:21:23 AM »
I received anal from him unprotected with no ejaculation.

So you're one who takes it up the rear from another one, eh?

Unprotected anal sex is a risk for HIV infection irrespective of whether the insertive partner shoots his hot load or not and as such you should be tested for HIV. The window period for HIV antibody testing is 13 weeks and so you should test 13 weeks from the date of you being fucked in the butt by another guy.

It would be wise for you to be tested for other STD's too. You should ask for a full STD screen.

Finally I suggest you read our Welcome Thread and follow the links to our Lessons Section to learn more about HIV is and is not transmitted.


Offline lococabeza

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Re: How worried should I be?
« Reply #2 on: November 27, 2007, 03:48:00 AM »
LOL Matt. I know, I know. I imagined you twirling your handlebar moustache while typing. I used to be the man who goes up into the other man.. and now look what happened. I am wondering if it's even worth it to do it now (especially since I'm on antibiotics for my sinus infection) as to risk the chance of pulling an inconclusive test which would totally fuck up my December with sheer anxiety.. or not. Is there any effectiveness in treating this bug any sooner than 3 months in terms of side-effects, treatment, etc?

I know I also sound silly, but I am having to be (somewhat) light-hearted about this or else I will go nuts. I really am taking this seriosuly otherwise I wouldn't be on here knowing that I have to be at work in 5 hours.
« Last Edit: November 27, 2007, 10:25:06 PM by lococabeza »

Offline Matty the Damned

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Re: How worried should I be?
« Reply #3 on: November 27, 2007, 03:54:22 AM »
Handle-bar moustache? Imagine me rolling my eyes at someone who has to ask for HIV testing information on the internet instead. You'll have a far more accurate idea of what I look like if you do.

Listen, your only option here is to get yourself tested at 3 months from the date of this sexual encounter. The likelihood of you testing positive as a result of this encounter is not great. I expect you to test negative in fact. I would emphasise the need for you to have a full STD screen. Diseases like chlamydia, gonorrhoea and herpes are far more prevalent and transmissible than HIV.

Also you might want to ask about Hepatitis A & B testing and vaccination whilst you're there.


Offline lococabeza

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Re: How worried should I be?
« Reply #4 on: December 03, 2007, 01:58:58 AM »
Hi Matt, I was just joking about your avatar character- don't take it personally. ;D I keep myself pretty well educated about the possibility of transmission of HIV, which makes it so stupid that I did what I did. I even wonder why I sometimes act so compulsively. Why did I trust this person, and why couldn't I just be really blunt and tell him to go get some protection or leave my fucking hotel room?

Logically there isn't a substantial risk for me being infected, (although substantial enough to be very concerned), however I just feel like there is something wrong with me. I know that guilt can cause you to feel "off".

 I guess I was/am curious as to what cases there may be of people who swear with complete certainty  that they became positive through unprotected sex w/o ejaculation or open sores on the penis. No positive person I know well has caught it w/o ejaculation, but that doesn't make it impossible. For all I know this may be the way most people get infected. Who knows. I haven't read of a reputable study that asks people whether or not their partner came.

I guess it's difficult for a professional/educator to communicate that there is less of a risk, because saying that there is less of a risk with "pulling out"  may lead to people engaging in really unacceptably risky behaviour. And I hope that anyone who reads this will hear from yet another person that the worry is simply not worth the act.

Offline Matty the Damned

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Re: How worried should I be?
« Reply #5 on: December 03, 2007, 02:03:57 AM »
Now you're getting the gist of it.

Fact is you need to test. The likelihood of you being infected from this one incident is not great, but keep letting other guys ride you raw from behind and you'll certainly be infected one day.


Offline lococabeza

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Re: How worried should I be?
« Reply #6 on: December 14, 2007, 04:30:25 AM »
Okay, I couldn't wait until mid January, so I did some research and took the best deal on a quality DNA PCR (which confirms positives with Western Blot). The nurse took an extra tube of blood just so I didn't have to come back.

I just got the results today and it is not detected! Well, until I started reading this forum just now that I thought that this was like a 99% good news.  I guess it's not? I had looked up DNA PCR and both the first link I went to and Wikipedia seemed to say that although it could reveal a false positive for other things, that it was pretty reliable in terms of low incidences of false negatives after 28 days.


I fully intend on taking an oraquick rapid at an anon clinic after the holidays, but I just didn't want to go through the long wait during my vacation time not having anything to give me more of an idea what's up. There are no anon tests here where I live, so I either have to pay or stand the chance of being put on some registry. Now, I am the last person who would go around spreading this thing, however I just don't feel great about the possibility of being forced to be on some national database. This fucking Bush administration and legislature has made me a little tinhatish I know..

I still am intending on getting a full STD panel although researching this has helped me to come to the realization that I desperately need to get a friendly male doctor. My current doc is very smart, (albeit not the most outgoing/informative doctor) but first of all she had a nurse come in just to watch her feel my balls (which was fine by me, although I wish I could have chosen who got to watch) during a physical. Evidently for some legal reason. Can you imagine me getting an anal pap? Talk about ass-covering! I :o need to feel comfortable speaking about the nitty gritty with my doctor, not just saying I had an "encounter". She just doesn't seem to be the kind of person I feel great about discussing my newfound enjoyment for having a cock up my arse. 

I need to make my sexual health an important part of my overall health. So far it hasn't apart from me not fucking around too often and getting the occasional STD checkup.

MANY thanks to Matt and anyone who can give me any input.  I enjoy reading your posts and I've learned so much and have already started to discuss these issues more with my friends!

Offline Matty the Damned

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Re: How worried should I be?
« Reply #7 on: December 14, 2007, 04:38:45 AM »
I had looked up DNA PCR and both the first link I went to and Wikipedia seemed to say that although it could reveal a false positive for other things, that it was pretty reliable in terms of low incidences of false negatives after 28 days.

Le sigh. We could have told you this had you asked us before shooting your load with tests that are not approved for diagnostic purposes, though I suspect you would have gone and done it anyway. PCR DNA testing certainly does return an unacceptable level of false positives. I hope that test cost you an arm and a leg, by the way.

Here's the thing kid. There's really no shortcut through this maze. For a conclusive negative result you've gotta wait out the window period and have an antibody test done. Certainly a test at 6 weeks will be a good indicator of what's to come, but to be 100% certain it's the 13 week mark that you have to aim for.

And don't tell me you can't hack it. Like so many other members of this site, I have monthly blood tests which indicate how well (if at all) my medications are working, what impact they're having on my body and so on. I've forgotten more about stress than you'll ever know.

The way to deal with the stress you're feeling is to get on with your life. Don't google about HIV and related stuff, don't trawl the threads in this forum. Get out there and go about your business. Seriously, the time will fly by.


Offline lococabeza

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Re: How worried should I be?
« Reply #8 on: December 14, 2007, 05:26:03 AM »
Matt, as I've stated, I am a very compulsive person. I wish I knew how to quit being so fucking compulsive.  My compulsiveness has ultimately cost me more problems in my life than anything.

There seems to be a lot of conflicting stuff about PCr tests on the web, so forgive me for being so rash. To me this seemed like the only viable gauge of where i was prior to 3 months. I  just though that at least being 90% sure that it's clear t 60 days is better than nothing.

I'll be honest- what may be spurring this is a feeling of guilt. Not for the sex, but for me having not been discplined enough to not do something stupid. I'll be honest and I helped someone very close to me through finding out that he was positive and the fact that that experience alone didn't scare the shit out of me, I don't know what could. That whole thing actually propelled me into a period of about 2 years of abstinence, which for me is like taking the pills away from Paris Hilton.

I don't have anyone righ now who would support me if I became positive apart form my immediate family, whom I would have to wait a while. I'm usually the one who other people rely upon emotionally and just sort of go off after everything is okay with their lives. So I guess there is a lot of other shit going on in my head. 

I need to get some counseling again. Thanks for listening, though. It means a lot!

Offline Andy Velez

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Re: How worried should I be?
« Reply #9 on: December 14, 2007, 07:57:55 AM »
Loco, I just want to add on a few thoughts to Matty's.

First of all, although that negative test result cannot be taken as conclusive it is always good to get a negative result. That test was not designed for diagnostic purposes although some continue to try to use it for such.

Given you had a single incident without ejaculation the odds lean in your favor against transmission having occured. But there is no question this was a high risk incident. You've got a bit more of waiting time for a definitive result at 13 weeks, using the CDC recommended testing point. Stay productively busy and you will be amazed at how fast the remainder of the waiting time will go.

You do need to learn from this. You can have all the sex you like as either insertive or receptive and the status of your partners will be irrelevant as long as a condom is used everytime. No exceptions. No matter how hot you are for the guy or whatever else is going on. A condom is a must. Knowing better and not following that instruction is an all-too-common event which accounts for the continuing rise in the infection rate.

Learn from this experience. Hopefully you will test negative. Avoid putting yourself through this kind of torture again.

Keep us posted and good luck with your test.

Andy Velez


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