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Author Topic: Relieved ? Not totally....  (Read 6038 times)

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Offline tornado_766

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Relieved ? Not totally....
« on: November 15, 2007, 04:27:04 PM »
Hi everyone,

First of all please forgive me for my bad English.

I guess this is going to be a long one but pls read it all. Specially friends who actually did nothing to worry about but still worrying should also read this…

Although i didn’t post any messages till now i have been here in this great forum for a while reading all these topics of worries of friends and the advices of  kind people here with amazing knowledge about the issue

Well yes finally i decided to write too. Because like most of  us here i also need to share. Otherwise i guess i will go crazy all day surfing the net and worrying about hiv.

I live in Turkey/Istanbul where aids is actually not a very common or frequent issue specially when its compared to Europe, America, Africa or Asia. I think the reason of this is there’s not much people infected with this disease and its really out of the agenda in Turkey.

Well neverthless of course i have had and unfortunitaley still have my own worries and nightmares. Well here’s my story actually history of sexual life for last 1 year and any advices or sharing of ideas would be much appreciated.

I am a 31 year old heterosexual male. Circumcised. I dont use drugs, alcohol but i do smoke pretty much. Never had any std in my life. Story :

October 06 – I had sex with a callgirl. 1 time protected vaginal and oral intercourse (insertive - i did not proceed oral sex on her only she gave bj to me) and 1 time both unprotected ( somehow for the second time she convinced me that she was all clean. )

November 06 – I met that wonderful girl and we were partners for 1 month till December. We had both protected and unprotected vaginal intercourse and oral sex during our relationship. Sometimes protected sometimes not but most of the times unprotected. She always mentioned that she was all clean and i believed her.

December 06 – It was over. I started another relationship which would last 1,5 months. And during this 1,5 months we did everything with her unprotected except anal intercourse.

January 07 – We broke up and my worries started  I was spending lots of time surfing through the net about hiv/aids. But i had no symptoms, health problems or anything like that..

March 07 – I have read so much about this issue on the net and was feeling very well worried. i decided to get tested and i did. Thanks to god eliza and full std test results were all negative and clear and i really had a big relief. It was a nearly 13 week test.

April 07 – I had a one night stand with a girl i have met online. Unprotected vaginal intercourse and oral sex. And in the same month i had another one night stand with another girl. Again it was unprotected everything except anal intercourse. Both mentioned that they were all clear and i believed them and they also trusted in me.

May 07 – I had sex with a callgirl. Protected vaginal intercourse and unprotected oral sex (insertive only without ejaculation or pre-cum. Actually nearly all oral sex experience i have had in my life is insertive and unprotected except my current relationship.). This month i also met a girl and we saw each other 3 or 4 times and each of these were protected vaginal intercourse and very much unprotected oral sex (insertive only)

June 07 – I met that wonderful girl and i am only the second man who is in her life. Other one was her ex-fiance. We are still together (6th month) and love each other very much. Since the beginning we have had everything unprotected in our sexual life (vaginal intercourse, anal intercourse (only 1 time), oral sex ( insertive, receptive)

Actually what worries me starts here. It has been 6 months and I never suspected anything about her but i guess i suspect my mostly careless past. About a half and a month ago things turned up and we nearly were breaking up. And in this period of time i made a mistake and cheated her. I was with a callgirl for 2 hour 1 month ago. I had unprotected oral sex with this callgirl (insertive only) and protected vaginal ıntercourse. Nothing other than that. Didn’t even kiss her. But i had that wound on my left hand at that time. Very small area and not a bleeding one but red skin under the actual skin was shown just like a dry blood. When i was ejaculating i removed the condom quickly with my left hand and threw it away ( as far as i remember but i am not sure if i hold it in my hand or threw it away) and i ejaculated on her breasts by stroking with my left hand. Not even a 5 minutes later i have washed my hands and everything with lots of water and soap and took a shower. Is there any chance of vaginal fluid on condom contracted with this kind of a wound can cause hiv infection ? And some say unprotected oral sex is risk and some say not. Is it or not ? different sources say very different things about oral sex. Hard to believe which one is true.

“What if” questions started to eat my mind but this time it really hit me very hard. Not only myself but i thought much more about my loving one my gf. If I had something i could or i still can infect her too. Lots of anxiety, worries and i was/am still being with my girlfriend and still having totally unprotected sex. But everything was/is fine and again we were/are very good. Loving each other very much and i really do love her very much and feel very bad about this thing i have done because we were most likely but really not broken up at that time and i have cheated her.

Had no symptoms or any health problems but I felt very very bad mentally and depressed and finally i just got tested again a few days ago. Full std test. Hiv1/2, eliza tests and actually full std results just recieved them all today and everything is clear and negative. This may be a very conclusive and maybe a lucky result for my past mistakes that i will never ever repeat again but i am only a little relieved but i thought i would have a great relief.  What stops me from being fully relieved is i also know that this result is not conclusive for that stupid thing that i have done a month ago. So i am asking again is there any chance of vaginal fluid on condom contracted with this kind of a wound can cause infection ? And some say unprotected oral sex is risk and some say not. Is it or not ? should i go on with my life with lessons learned pretty good or do I need a 13 week test for this stupid but safe act that i have done a month ago? And is that negative result means that my gf is negative too ? Because we had sex countless times for passed 6 months and my test results are negative.

So i know i wrote too long. Sorry for that. i just felt so alone and was in very deep need of sharing everything with someone…needed to get them out of my mind… and thought this was the right place to do that….its just like someone placed a chip of worry in your brain that makes you worry about hiv everytime you have sex…. Any advices, ideas would be much appreciated. And already thanks to you all who created this forum, answer my questions or just read my story.

I really learned my lesson very well and last month was the worst days of my life. I love my gf and will never ever repeat these mistakes i have done again…I think those kind of worries are also the side effects of things that we have done that makes us feel guilty. We all have to be very careful not just for ourselves but also for our loving ones……….

Thanks,



Offline tornado_766

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Re: Relieved ? Not totally....
« Reply #1 on: November 16, 2007, 09:03:16 AM »
no replies ?  ??? :(

Offline Andy Velez

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Re: Relieved ? Not totally....
« Reply #2 on: November 16, 2007, 10:34:48 AM »
OK. What jumps out to me from all of this are two things:

1) You have had a number of occasions during which you had unprotected intercourse. That means you put yourself at risk for HIV and you need to get tested. By CDC standards that means getting tested at 13 weeks past the most recent incident to get a reliable result.

2) Sometimes you've used condoms and sometimes not. That doesn't work in terms of protecting your health. Condoms aren't something for you to use when you feel like it or when you think you need to because you're with a sex worker and not use when you're with a "civilian" or someone you think is not experienced sexually.

You need to be wearing a condom everytime you have intercourse until such time as you may be in a securely monogamous relationship in which both partners test negative together at a reliable testing point.

Otherwise you are playing HIV roulette with your health and your life. It's as serious and as simple as that.

Whether you have so-called symptoms or not doesn't matter. Either way that will never tell you anything accurately about your HIV status. Only a test taken at the right time will give you that answer.

Lastly, we always recommend that anyone who is sexually active ought to regularly have a full STD panel done. There are other STDs out there which are much easier to acquire than HIV. At least once a year you should have all the tests done.

Hopefully you will test negative for HIV when you get tested. You need to learn from these experiences and in the future use condoms all the time no matter whom you are with.

Andy Velez

Offline tornado_766

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Re: Relieved ? Not totally....
« Reply #3 on: November 16, 2007, 11:04:31 AM »
Hi Andy,

....and thank you very very much for your response...

1) You have had a number of occasions during which you had unprotected intercourse. That means you put yourself at risk for HIV and you need to get tested. By CDC standards that means getting tested at 13 weeks past the most recent incident to get a reliable result.

I know i wrote too long so i guess u didn't have a chance to read it all because i know how kind you are and try to answer everyone and dont wanna spend much time on just 1 topic and only 1 persons worries...i can understand that and really sorry for keeping this writing too long...If u did read the whole story you would see that in that whole story ı have tested twice and one of them are very recent i have just recieved results yesterday. Both tests are negative and first test was 13 week test (of course from last encounter no matter with who) and last one is actually nearly a 26 week test(from last encounter not including my monogamous relationship because we are still having sex an keep on having it). But as i mentioned in my message i cheated my gf (last 6 months we are together totally monogamic except that stupid act i have done a 1 month ago) with sex worker 1 month ago. I know this result i recieved yesterday is not conclusive for that one (1month) however it can be a conclusive for my past mistakes that i will never ever do again. And i had my questions at the end of my message about this issue... could u pls just read that part and reply me again...

2) Sometimes you've used condoms and sometimes not. That doesn't work in terms of protecting your health. Condoms aren't something for you to use when you feel like it or when you think you need to because you're with a sex worker and not use when you're with a "civilian" or someone you think is not experienced sexually.

i know that very well but i guess i acted irresponsible and i really learned my lesson very well. İ will always use condoms anytime from now on unless i am really sure me and her are both negative...

You need to be wearing a condom everytime you have intercourse until such time as you may be in a securely monogamous relationship in which both partners test negative together at a reliable testing point.

For last 6 months i am in a totally monogamous relationship except that stupidness i have done a month ago. I am the second person she had ever had sex with in her life. And those test results i have recieved yesterday doesn't mean that she is negative too or should she get her own test? Because for that 6 months we had sex countless times and my results are negative. Isn't that something to rely on about her negative status and do i need to get a 13 week test again after 2 months because of that encounter happened 1 month ago. It was a protected vaginal intercourse unprotected oral sex (she gave bj to me) and i had that worries about that wound in my hand which also i have mentioned in my message....

hope to here from you again Andy...and again thank you very much for your response and interest...

Best,
« Last Edit: November 16, 2007, 11:17:07 AM by tornado_766 »

Offline Andy Velez

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Re: Relieved ? Not totally....
« Reply #4 on: November 16, 2007, 11:26:02 AM »
OK, thanks for your clarification about the past incidents and your negative test results.

However, if you have had any unprotected intercourse since then that means you need to re-test. And simply believing that it's ok to have unprotected intercourse with your current gf because you believe her to be relatively inexperienced is not going to fly here.

My suggestion is that you get tested at 13 weeks after the most recent unprotected incident. And from here on in you need to be using condoms everytime you have intercourse with anyone. As I said previously, using condoms is not an off again and on again situation. You have to use them everytime you have intercourse. Since you have reported a propensity to stray in the past, for your own sake and that of your partners you should be using condoms all the time. You may not like that idea but that's how I see it in terms of protecting your health.

Andy Velez

Offline tornado_766

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Re: Relieved ? Not totally....
« Reply #5 on: November 16, 2007, 11:50:13 AM »
Actually i have no problems with wearing condoms and i cant think anything else after that...Of course i will always wear condom from now on..

What I am trying to say about all that weird half protected history of me is since my last high risk encounter it has been nearly 7 months, i got tested second time this year and my results came back negative yesterday.

And Question is :

For last six months i am only with my gf and its a totally monogamous relationship. but 1 month ago i had fully protected vaginal intercourse (condom didnt break up or slipped) and unprotected oral sex (only she sucked me for a short period of time) with a sex worker. Do I need to test again for that or is it not a risk ? And i had that little wound in my hand. ıs there any chance that vaginal fluids on condom came in contact with this wound and cause infection ? I know my gf is negative. I dont consider my sexual encounters thats still going on with her as a risk but should i get tested again for this encounter that happeened a month ago although test result i recieved yesterday is negative. ıs there a risk about that thing happened 1month ago?

I just try to put the things that keep eating my mind in a short and more understandable way Andy but hope while i am doing that hope i am not starting to eat your mind too :) again sorry for my bad english. but this time i really tried to shorten things and looking for a more specific answer.

Thank u very much...

Best,
« Last Edit: November 16, 2007, 12:03:19 PM by tornado_766 »

Offline Andy Velez

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Re: Relieved ? Not totally....
« Reply #6 on: November 16, 2007, 12:19:25 PM »
OK, as far as that recent experience with the sex worker, you used a condom so there was no risk for transmission and I am bearing in mind the various details you've thrown in that are worrying you. The most important thing is you wore a condom. No testing is necessary.

As far as you and your gf are concerned I still think that you two should get tested together. You are basing not using condoms with her on what you each think you know about each other. That's not a solid basis for giving up using condoms. There's no shame in saying to someone, look I have heard that anytime there has been previous experience for partners, they should get tested if they are not going to use condoms.

Assuming you both test negative, which is what I expect will happen based on what you've reported, then you can continue not using condoms with her with the confidence that both of you are HIV negative.

That's my opinion anyway. You have to decide for yourself what to do.
Andy Velez

Offline tornado_766

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Re: Relieved ? Not totally....
« Reply #7 on: November 16, 2007, 12:38:30 PM »
thank u very much Andy...i've got my answers...and about that little wound in my hand (not a bleeding one) is it a risk for a infection if it has happened to be contacted with the vaginal fluids on the condom when i was taking it out ? as far as i understand from your and other kind peoples answers from the other previous similar topics here in this forum it is not a risk but i can not help myself and askng again...

I will talk to my gf about testing asap......

by the way of course any other replies to the topic or sharing of ideas also welcome....

Thanks,

Best,
« Last Edit: November 16, 2007, 12:46:49 PM by tornado_766 »

Offline tornado_766

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Re: Relieved ? Not totally....
« Reply #8 on: November 16, 2007, 01:35:49 PM »
...and i told my gf about that testing issue. she was mad at me. she said she already told me about her past sexual experiences and she is clean and has nothing and she said that "look at yourself" :( . i told everything to her about my past experiences except that encounter that happened a month ago. and i guess thats why she says that to me. i said i just got tested and i am negative. and she also said that she hates using a condom because finds the feeling of it disgusting. she also said that i am paranoid and need to put my mind at ease. she's mad at me right now and i really dont know what to do :( pls help me
« Last Edit: November 16, 2007, 01:52:23 PM by tornado_766 »

Offline Matty the Damned

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Re: Relieved ? Not totally....
« Reply #9 on: November 16, 2007, 02:52:33 PM »
Tornado,

Please don't use terms like "clean" to refer to someone's HIV status. It infers that HIV positive people are in some way dirty. I'm HIV positive and I'm very clean.

MtD

Offline tornado_766

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Re: Relieved ? Not totally....
« Reply #10 on: November 16, 2007, 02:57:48 PM »
Matty,

Of course and i am sure you are clean and you know i don't really mean that  :( i am sorry its just thoughtless me  :(
« Last Edit: November 16, 2007, 02:59:19 PM by tornado_766 »

Offline tornado_766

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Re: Relieved ? Not totally....
« Reply #11 on: November 16, 2007, 03:02:50 PM »
Andy are u there ? You are the only one who replies to me till now and i really need to hear your ideas about this situation...i am feeling really very sorry right now after that conversation. She just shot the phone and went away  :( i know actually its my relationship u got nothing to do with it but i just dont know...........any ideas ?

Offline tornado_766

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Re: Relieved ? Not totally....
« Reply #12 on: November 17, 2007, 06:18:10 AM »
Hi again,

In my test report i see those 2 lines and i have 2 questions about only these 2..

Anti HIV (1+2) Negative - Is this a Eliza test or something similar to it and reliable? Does it mean the same with Eliza?
VDRL Negative - What is VDRL ?

Any quick response would be much appreciated...

Thanks,

Offline Matty the Damned

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Re: Relieved ? Not totally....
« Reply #13 on: November 17, 2007, 06:20:51 AM »
Yes the first test is an ELISA and you're HIV negative.

A VDRL test is one of a number of blood tests used to diagnose syphilis. It stands for Venereal Diseases Reference Laboratory. It is also negative. You do not have syphilis.

MtD


Offline tornado_766

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Re: Relieved ? Not totally....
« Reply #14 on: November 17, 2007, 06:24:25 AM »
Matty,

Thank you very much for your quick response...It's amazing to have kind friends who really cares  like you , Andy and others here in this great forum :)

Thank you all
« Last Edit: November 17, 2007, 06:26:06 AM by tornado_766 »

Offline tornado_766

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Re: Relieved ? Not totally....
« Reply #15 on: November 17, 2007, 06:45:51 AM »
Matty,

If you've read my previous postings under this topic and know the story, do u have an idea about how can i get my gf tested ? :) yes i know this question sounds pretty funny but i talked to her about testing as Andy suggested but she was just mad at me and still not answering my calls :( i also told her although i just got tested negative i can still go with her and we can get tested again together  just to not to leave her alone but she's just mad at me like i did say something very bad to her... :(

any ideas ?

Thanks,
« Last Edit: November 17, 2007, 06:47:59 AM by tornado_766 »

Offline RapidRod

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Re: Relieved ? Not totally....
« Reply #16 on: November 17, 2007, 07:02:47 AM »
As long as you have a negative test, don't bug her. Use condoms with sex with her.

Offline tornado_766

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Re: Relieved ? Not totally....
« Reply #17 on: November 17, 2007, 07:19:59 AM »
Hi Rapid,

Thank you very much for your response.

She hates condoms and says she finds the feeling of it disgusting...I have no problem with using condoms and telling her to do so since our first encounter. She is relatively unexperienced. Only one man she had before me and it was a 4 year relationship who was also her ex-fiance. She doesnt smoke, drink or not on drugs...I guess at this point there is nothing to do but rely on her or just break up. But breaking up for a reason like that ???  it doesnt sound too logical nor emotional to me....I really dont know

Thanks,

Offline Ann

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Re: Relieved ? Not totally....
« Reply #18 on: November 17, 2007, 09:06:11 AM »
tor,

You have the right to protect your own body and health. If your girlfriend doesn't care enough about you, your health or your feelings to either get tested or use condoms, then that should tell you a thing or two about your relationship. If she's so sure she has no sexually transmitted infections, then testing really shouldn't be a problem. She should be happy she has a caring partner who wants to safeguard not only his own health, but hers as well. Getting tested is what mature, responsible adults do as a matter of routine when they're sexually active.

Maybe you might remind her that while she may have only had sex with this one guy, if they weren't using condoms she was, in a sense, having sex with every other person he had ever had unprotected sex with before her. You might also want to tell her that while sex lasts only a matter of minutes, hiv is forever. Your status does not shed the slightest bit of light on her status. It is quite possible for her to be hiv positive and not know and also not pass it on to you. It happens all the time.

Good luck, young man. Stick to your guns. If you don't protect your health, who will?

Ann
Condoms are a girl's best friend

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"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

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Offline tornado_766

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Re: Relieved ? Not totally....
« Reply #19 on: November 17, 2007, 04:05:40 PM »
Dear Ann,

Thank you very much for your response.

In every word you say, you are right. And i am totally of the same opinion with you. I've already told and discussed everything you say with her. But sadly it just doesn't work with her. She said her previous relaionship was also totally monogamous and she was first for him too as he was first for her. By the way I know she visits her gynaecologist every 6 months but i dont think these visits include hiv testing. If she had something would her gynaecologist catch a clue from something else and tell her that she needs to get a hiv testing ?

Ok ok ....its just like a dead-end street. and now i am not just worrying about hiv but also about my relationship too. We love each other very much but where are we heading ? and the cause is just a simple test. Strange...

So i want to clean up all these unnecessary and no helping details away and will try to put everything in a simple way if i can.

Here it is :

I got tested at 11.11.2007 and i recieved my results 13.11.2007 (4 days ago). It was a full std test and hiv test included. Negative everything.

I have a 6 month relationship that still goes on with unprotected sex but i know if i don't know my partner's status this negative is only a conclusive result for what we did with her until the 13 weeks before the date i got tested. But till that date which was nearly the 3rd month of our relationship we did really have lots of sex unprotected. I dont know maybe 50-60 maybe hundreds of times ( not everytime but few unprotected anal intercourse also included - she first experienced that with me).

Question is ; is there really a chance of not being positive when we are talking about that much frequency of exposure if she has hiv ?

And like i said before i have cheated her a month ago with a sex worker for what i really feel very regretful. It was a protected vaginal intercourse (condom used) and unprotected oral sex (she gave bj to me). Like Andy already told me since i have used a condom and unprotected insertive oral sex is not considered as a risk factor and i dont need to get a another testing at 13 weeks for this encounter. But i still dont have any answers for a another thing about this encounter.

Question is : I had that litte wound on my left hand (on my left hand tumb). I bite my fingers when i am stressed and i removed the skin of a little area on my left hands tumb few days before this encounter. (very small area actually and not a bleeding wound). Is there any chance if vaginal fluids on condom were contacted with this kind of a wound (its not even a wound actually i dont know the exact word to describe it) and get under the skin can cause a hiv infection if she was actually infected ? i dont know her status.

Only these 2 questions of mine remaining in my head. And then i will decide what to do about everything. Already thanks to all your interest and answers. And if u also say "we won't answer your stupid questions just because your spoilt little gf is refusing to get tested" this answer is also highly appreciated. What can i say huh ?

And god knows that i will always be totally monogamous and condomed everytime from now on....

Andy, Ann, Matty, Rapid thank you all...

Thank you very much
« Last Edit: November 17, 2007, 04:16:04 PM by tornado_766 »

Offline Andy Velez

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Re: Relieved ? Not totally....
« Reply #20 on: November 17, 2007, 04:52:34 PM »
Your nicks or bites or whatever on your fingers did not put you at risk for HIV transmission.

If I am reading your remarks correctly your gf has NOT been tested for HIV and you have continued to have unprotected intercourse with her. My suggestion is for you both to get tested together and reliably establish your HIV status. Then you can together decide if you want to discontinue using condoms together.

Until if and when you do that you should be using condoms with her whenever you have intercourse. And if she doesn't want to get tested or you you don't want to ask her to do that then you should STILL be using condoms and get tested again at 13 weeks after the most recent unprotected incident. By doing that you will have established your status, presumably and hopefully HIV negative.

This business of deciding not to use condoms because you "trust each other" or because you think you know each other's histories won't fly here.

Andy Velez

Offline tornado_766

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Re: Relieved ? Not totally....
« Reply #21 on: November 17, 2007, 05:10:26 PM »
Andy,

I don't even wanna have sex no more...i just want to be alone.. i feel depressed..and first time in my life last night i have encountered erection problem while i was with my gf...i just feel so tired... i thought that i would feel very relieved after i got that negative result but nothing changed actually everything is worse...
« Last Edit: November 17, 2007, 05:21:13 PM by tornado_766 »

Offline RapidRod

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Re: Relieved ? Not totally....
« Reply #22 on: November 17, 2007, 05:23:10 PM »
This is a mental health concern, not an HIV concern.

Offline tornado_766

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Re: Relieved ? Not totally....
« Reply #23 on: November 17, 2007, 05:27:56 PM »
Ok Rapid. Sorry.

Offline Andy Velez

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Re: Relieved ? Not totally....
« Reply #24 on: November 17, 2007, 05:49:23 PM »
Tornado, being sexually active carries certain responsibilities. It's a drag and it IS depressing sometimes.

I suspect your hormones will kick in again before long and your mojo will get all revved up again ready to go. When that happens I urge you to keep the condoms handy and use them.

   
Andy Velez

Offline tornado_766

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Re: Relieved ? Not totally....
« Reply #25 on: November 17, 2007, 06:15:37 PM »
Andy,

Please i just need an answer...

i am sexually active for 12 years. As i told before i am 31 years old and not a 15 year old teenager who needs to be educated about sex or condoms. We all do mistakes sometimes. I know "only for last 1 year" i acted irresponsible but several times I told that i have learned my lesson very well...for last 6 months i am in a totally monogamous relationship and when i was thinking that my negative result was lucky and would help me forget that irresponsibly passed 1 year now here i am facing new questions about my recent relationship. Pls just dont kill me right away...All i need to know is :

I have a 6 month relationship that still goes on with unprotected sex but i know if i don't know my partner's status this negative is only a conclusive result for what we did with her until the 13 weeks before the date i got tested. But till that date which was nearly the 3rd month of our relationship we did really have lots of sex unprotected. I dont know maybe 50-60 maybe hundreds of times ( not everytime but few unprotected anal intercourse also included - she first experienced that with me).

Question is ; is there really a chance of still not being positive when we are talking about that much frequency of exposure if she had hiv ?

Thank you very much
« Last Edit: November 18, 2007, 06:19:03 AM by tornado_766 »

Offline RapidRod

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Re: Relieved ? Not totally....
« Reply #26 on: November 17, 2007, 09:39:02 PM »
You tested negative.  So negative you are.

Offline tornado_766

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Re: Relieved ? Not totally....
« Reply #27 on: November 18, 2007, 08:17:12 AM »
Hi Rapid

And like Ann said " Your status does not shed the slightest bit of light on her status. It is quite possible for her to be hiv positive and not know and also not pass it on to you. It happens all the time. "

Is it really possible after that much of unprotected exposure ?? I am not talking about a one time unprotected sex. I am talking about too many times.

...and i want to ask one more thing. How reliable is a 4 week test result ? of course its not conclusive. we all know that but how reliable ?

Thanks

Offline Ann

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Re: Relieved ? Not totally....
« Reply #28 on: November 18, 2007, 09:25:27 AM »
Tor,

I was in a relationship for eighteen months before I discovered I was hiv positive. During that eighteen months, we had lots and lots of unprotected intercourse, but he tested hiv negative and remained hiv negative during the whole time we were together. We used condoms AFTER we discovered my status (for six and a half years), but not before. This is why YOUR test result sheds absolutely NO light on HER hiv status. You only know your own status until she also tests. Until she does test, you need to be using condoms.

There's nothing else we can tell you here. We are not a relationship counseling site, we are an hiv information site. If you continue to experience relationship problems over this testing issue, then you need to have either counseling on your own, couple's counseling, or both. We cannot help you with that here.

Please make sure you read the posting guidelines in our Welcome Thread - particularly the one about excessive posting. Please consider yourself warned.

Ann
Condoms are a girl's best friend

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"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline tornado_766

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Re: Relieved ? Not totally....
« Reply #29 on: November 18, 2007, 09:35:32 AM »
Ann,

Thank you very much.

That was really a very right and exact answer.

For sure she has to get tested. Neither we use condoms or not from now on. Beyond all these for her own sake she needs to get tested immediately.

Thanks
« Last Edit: November 18, 2007, 09:37:43 AM by tornado_766 »

Offline tornado_766

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Re: Relieved ? Not totally....
« Reply #30 on: November 18, 2007, 09:48:15 AM »
....and this also means that i dont know my own status too Ann...because we also had sex the day i got tested and i recieved the results 2 days after that....and this means i need a 13 week test again if she doesn't get tested  :)

....and here i am shakin' sweatin' again with old friend of mine. FEAR

Thank you all for your support and all that info you have shared with me...
« Last Edit: November 18, 2007, 09:51:00 AM by tornado_766 »

Offline Ann

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Re: Relieved ? Not totally....
« Reply #31 on: November 18, 2007, 09:53:12 AM »
Tor,

You're welcome. Stick to your guns and protect yourself with condoms no matter who you're with, until such time as you've tested together. Use condoms correctly and consistently and you'll remain hiv negative.

As far as your one unprotected incident after your tests goes, the odds are very much in your favour of continuing to test negative. This is because hiv is much more difficult to transmit from a woman to a man. Make sure you use condoms from now on so you can get a conclusive test and put this behind you.

Good luck with your girlfriend, but remember, this is now an issue for you two and perhaps a counselor as we cannot help you with that aspect here.

Ann
Condoms are a girl's best friend

Condom and Lube Info  



"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline tornado_766

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Re: Relieved ? Not totally....
« Reply #32 on: November 18, 2007, 10:03:49 AM »
Thank you very much Ann...

I will try to get her tested and if even she is negative too i will still insist on using condoms because hiv is not the only concern out there about sex that we have to worry about....and most of all i am really very tired of worryin and afraid of that this worryin' thing can cause even more serious health problems than hiv...both phsically and mentaly..and nobody has a right to do that to another...she could have understood me...

Thank you very much Ann...You really helped me a lot...

Thank you all


Offline tornado_766

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Re: Relieved ? Not totally....
« Reply #33 on: November 20, 2007, 04:52:07 PM »
Hi all,

She just got tested today and good news. She is negative too :) Now only one question still remains in my mind.

That encounter that i was involved in 1,5 month ago with a sw ( it was a month ago from my negative test result ) protected vaginal sex ( condom used ) and unprotected oral sex ( recieved bj ) and nothing else. Do ı need to test for that again at 13 week ?

I just need one more answer to that and i am gone forever :) promise :)

Thank you all,

Best
« Last Edit: November 20, 2007, 05:05:54 PM by tornado_766 »

Offline tornado_766

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Re: Relieved ? Not totally....
« Reply #34 on: November 21, 2007, 04:27:40 AM »
Any answers ?

Offline RapidRod

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Re: Relieved ? Not totally....
« Reply #35 on: November 21, 2007, 04:48:14 AM »
No, you don't need further testing.

Offline tornado_766

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Re: Relieved ? Not totally....
« Reply #36 on: November 21, 2007, 07:04:08 AM »
Thanks for your reply Rapid.

I got tested negative and she did too...but somehow i still can't stop worrying about that stupid thing i have done a 1,5 month ago.

Does really unprotected oral sex ( the one being sucked ) not have any risks for hiv infection ? Since we both got tested negative and will probably go on having sex unprotected together, i cant even think of taking the smallest of risks from now on and really have to be sure about that...

Thanks

Offline Ann

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Re: Relieved ? Not totally....
« Reply #37 on: November 21, 2007, 07:08:28 AM »
Tor,

Getting a blowjob really, really, really isn't a risk for hiv infection. You're good to go. Move on with your life.

Ann
Condoms are a girl's best friend

Condom and Lube Info  



"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline tornado_766

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Re: Relieved ? Not totally....
« Reply #38 on: November 21, 2007, 07:15:37 AM »
Thank you Ann  :) thank you all so much for your help and interest

Ann, Andy, Rapid, Matty......you are all just like angels for us here...i can't believe how much caring and kind all you are...

Thank you all so much

Offline tornado_766

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Re: Relieved ? Not totally....
« Reply #39 on: November 22, 2007, 08:40:14 AM »
Hi all,

And about that exposure happened a month ago...I know its stupid but this time i started to have worries like " if condom was broke and i did not realize ( although i remember checking the condom after usage by fiiling it with water and looked if there was some leak and there was none - yeah i know it sounds crazy, funny and stupid )

This question came into my mind specially after i have read that topic " %99.9 sure i have Acute HıV"

If condom was broke and i got something but it didnt show in my test result ( it was a 1 month test for that encounter )............

its like a joke... just cant stop worrying....

Thanks
« Last Edit: November 22, 2007, 08:57:49 AM by tornado_766 »

Offline Ann

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Re: Relieved ? Not totally....
« Reply #40 on: November 22, 2007, 09:33:10 AM »
Tor,

For a start, that other poster has not been confirmed as hiv positive. I very much doubt he will be either.

You did not have a risk in your protected incident and if the condom had broken, you would have known.

If you need help dealing with your anxiety, you'll need to get yourself some professional counseling so you can learn some coping skills. We cannot help you with that here.

Keep posting about this no risk incident and you'll be given a time out. If you want to know about time outs, read the Welcome Thread. Please consider yourself warned - this is the only warning you'll get before being timed out.

Ann
Condoms are a girl's best friend

Condom and Lube Info  



"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline tornado_766

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Re: Relieved ? Not totally....
« Reply #41 on: November 22, 2007, 09:40:16 AM »
Hi Ann,

Thanks for your response...

I guess i just have to leave all this behind and move on...If i continue to read about hiv all day on the net i guess i just wont be able to stop my worries..

Thank you very much..
« Last Edit: November 22, 2007, 09:45:05 AM by tornado_766 »

Offline Andy Velez

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Re: Relieved ? Not totally....
« Reply #42 on: November 22, 2007, 10:41:50 AM »
That's right. If you keep surfing the net you absolutely will continue to feed your fears.

You're HIV negative. Be grateful and get on with your life.

Really.
Andy Velez

Offline tornado_766

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Re: Relieved ? Not totally....
« Reply #43 on: November 22, 2007, 10:58:54 AM »
Thank you very much Andy for your response and all your support through this...

Thank you all so much and i am feeling so much better..

I will do so Andy but of course with lessons really learned very well for my past mistakes i have done last year which i will never ever repeat again...

You all were always here with me through those tough days....you guys are really doing amazing job out there..

Thank you all so much

Offline Andy Velez

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Re: Relieved ? Not totally....
« Reply #44 on: November 22, 2007, 11:29:53 AM »
I'm glad you found the exchanges here to be helpful to you.

Now, get on with your life!
Andy Velez

 


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