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Author Topic: Dating Thread Part XI - A November to Remember...  (Read 28859 times)

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Offline Dragonette

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Re: Dating Thread Part XI - A November to Remember...
« Reply #50 on: November 18, 2007, 03:43:27 AM »
Queen, how's the belly? Hope you slept the pain away & are ready to stuff yourself like a turkey.

My hand hurts like hell so I wish you all in advance a Happy & Joyful Thanksgiving. Take good care,
"If you keep one foot in yesterday, and one in tomorrow, you piss all over today". Betty Tacy

Offline BT65

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Re: Dating Thread Part XI - A November to Remember...
« Reply #51 on: November 18, 2007, 07:10:39 AM »
Good morning ladies:

Wini, my doctor told me almost the same thing when I asked him about getting the depo shot.  Oh, and my tubes are tied as well.  He said it wouldn't be healthy for a woman my age (42) to have her periods stopped.  I'm like WTF?  I think doctors are divided on this issue.  I know before I was on quite a bit of estrogen and progesterone (actually it was being prescribed by a crazy psychiatrist) and my periods stopped and at one point I had to have a D&C.  Anyway, I'm glad you got your Thanksgiving meal prepared despite you feeling so bad.  I hope you feel better soon.  Periods are such a bitch. 

Really nothing new to report since last night.  I'm anxiously awaiting Cin's report on her weekend and new job!  For all you other ladies, have a good one-
I've never killed anyone, but I frequently get satisfaction reading the obituary notices.-Clarence Darrow

Offline emeraldize

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Re: Dating Thread Part XI - A November to Remember...
« Reply #52 on: November 18, 2007, 07:28:48 AM »
BT - I watched the movie Sicko tonight and recommend it to everyone living in  America.  It's just that good.

Saw it and agree with you.

Offline MOONLIGHT1114

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Re: Dating Thread Part XI - A November to Remember...
« Reply #53 on: November 18, 2007, 01:22:15 PM »
Hi GFs~

Yes, I have been with Iceman all weekend since he arrived Friday night.  He left a little while ago to go freeze his ass off at his daughter's soccer tournament.  They won the first game, so they are in the finals and Iceman gets to freeze his ass off some more at a second game this afternoon, lol!  He's coming back here tonight to warm me up, though!  ;)

We went to a party last night, Iceman's longtime buddy turned 50 this past week, so we went to his place.  Had a lot of fun just hanging out, there were about 25 people there and it was catered.  Yummy!  Oh and get this, the friend's wife had to put 50 candles on this huge cake (flashback to small inferno in my bathroom during 45-candle cake lighting ceremony last Sunday, lol....).  The wife found these candles that are all connected by paper or something.  You light one and the flame jumps from wick to wick and the entire cake lights in about 2 seconds.  Well, shit.  LOL, wish I had known that last week!   ;D

I guess I'll touch on the big issue here because I want to be supportive of my Queen.  Queen, I have always been very rigid in the "rules" I have set for myself, and no matter how uncomfortable I was with something, I would force myself to do what I thought was the right thing.  I have disclosed to about 30 guys in the past 10 years or so, and it was never easy until this summer.  I'd say 25 out of 28 guys I disclosed to before this summer rejected me, whether it was a friendly shying away, a mature talk with a "no thanks", no replies to my emails, or maybe another last date to see if it would work and it didn't.....so many different scenarios.  (Three guys DID accept me and I had LTRs with them....).  (Jay and Iceman have been the easiest to disclose to because of my strength and because of their maturity.) Yes, rejection left me down and dejected, and all I could do was move forward.  Keep in mind these were guys that I had dated only a handful of times, which is when the disclosure thing would start to rear its ugly head with me personally.  For me, I just didn't feel right dating a guy more than three or four times and not disclosing, mainly because things were starting to get intimate.  I knew that if I wanted things to go to the next level for he and I, I had to disclose, and so I did.  I don't mean to belittle dating, but in hindsight, maybe it was just practice, practice for me to get to the right place with myself mentally, and to become stronger. 

When I first started disclosing to guys, I would cry and sob and be so emotional, apologizing to the guy.  I now realize I had nothing to apologize for.  Why should I apologize for being me?  Cindy wasn't/ isn't "a virus," she's just a girl with a health concern.  I know that statement there may oversimplify what we deal with as far as being pos, but I had to tell myself and prove to myself that I could become stronger and more confident.

It was so tough telling Jay a month ago about my status, because I really had grown fond of him and most of all, I respected him.  He is a very mature, level-headed 48yo, and I knew he would be open with his feelings.  Sure, he has stayed away, hasn't asked me out, but I knew that would be the case that evening when he walked out the door.  And so I moved onward to divide and conquer, in hopes of finding a good man.  I never thought I would find a really great man, like I've found with Iceman.  Its so hard to explain, GFs, he makes every other man I have ever dated seem like a first grader in comparison.  I am fortunate in that he is mature, he communicates, he is compassionate, and my goodness he can RELATE because of his own little chronic health situation.  The chances of he and I crossing paths was zero, but somehow it happened because I have kept trying.

So, Queen, I understand that you have a stigma in your community.  I understand that the dating pool isn't as full of toads and potential suitors as it is down here.  I understand that your past has been very difficult for you to deal with because your family has been a royal pain in your majesty's ass (_l_).  Each one of us is unique here.  We all have different ways of dealing with things as far as disclosure.  It all comes down to one thing, I believe.  Are you comfortable with yourself, and will you be able to live with the consequences of your actions, whatever they may be?  I don't think I would ever be intimate with someone before disclosing, but I also didn't think I would sleep with Stone on the first date last August.  I had never done something like that before.  I have always tried to play by the rules and do the right thing.  But you know what?  I threw caution to the wind, slept with the man early on because he was pos too, and it wasn't an issue.  I kept thinking I would wake up the next day and feel horrible about what I did, thinking maybe I had compromised my own beliefs.

You know what?  I was fine with myself, and comfortable in my own skin.  So, I see Queen as doing what she feels is best for her right now.  We all protect ourselves in different ways, esp when it comes to protecting one's heart.  So, what I did with Stone, that was my choice, and Queen, what she is doing with Rico, we all have to accept that as being Queen's CHOICE and just shut the hell up if we don't agree fully.  Just try to understand where she is coming from.  What Queen is doing may not be what you believe in, but we don't make up the personal rules for Queen, she does.  Queen is the one who looks in the mirror every day and says, "I know that what I am doing is best for ME, and I can handle this."

We need to support her in that. 

Love you, GF.

~ Cindy
« Last Edit: November 18, 2007, 01:24:35 PM by MOONLIGHT1114 »
HIV+ since '93, 1/12 - CD4 785 and undet.   WOO-HOO!!

Offline cjc

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Re: Dating Thread Part XI - A November to Remember...
« Reply #54 on: November 18, 2007, 02:21:47 PM »
Hello ladies. just thought i would check in. Not much going on here, just chilling at the house. I have been chasing the chickens and examining them. We have 4 roosters and  about 18 hens including the  chicks. The roosters always fight but one of the younger ones got the worst of it yesterday and was covered in blood. Alex cut his beard with his spurs. I don't handle them much cause they have nits and are dirty but i needed to make sure he was okay.I doctor the cats and new dog we have , too. She is a dachshund, real cute but kinda scared. I like her anyway and she is not a biter so she is good in my book.         Worked last night, went okay but we have too many chiefs and not enough Indians. I am occasionally a supervisor(about 1 shift per week) but mostly just staff and it's frustrating when management has no idea what's going on.   Oh well, at least I have a job, no point in complaining about it but I appreciate that ya'll hear me.                                    On a brighter note, CONGRATULATIONS, Cindy. Wishing you the best of luck with your new job . 3 miles away, that's close. Hope that you enjoy it.                                                                  Queen, hope you are feeling better. How you handle your business with Rico is just that, your business. Do what you feel most comfortable with.  I remember you asking about my oldest. He is still in jail, has a final court date on the 29th. According to the offender page, he got probation for all those other charges. I think it will be intensive. We are going to talk to the DA and see about getting him in a adult group home when he gets released. We can't handle him here. Right before he got arrested, he pushed my mom. I am kinda used to physical fights with him, even though he is stronger than me, but I don't like the idea of him hitting or pushing my mom or him going off on little Robert. So he needs to be somewhere else.Hate it but I can't be worrying over their safety cause dad's not home much.                                                     Somebody else asked why I didn't want to date my negative coworker. Mostly it's fear I will accidentally give him the HIV. Dating among coworkers is probably frowned upon but I haven't tested that theory.  Also he has other health issues, such as  blocked arteries and stuff like that. I like that he wants me anyway but am too scared to put him at risk.  Maybe I will change my mind,maybe not.     Not much ;luck on the personals. Seems like I get hit up by the real prizes or my blunt personality puts the good ones off. I took my picture back down but will put another or the same one back up soon.                                                                             Hope everyone is well. Betty, EM, NY, Drag, anyone I have missed, hope you have a great thankgiving. I am working but since it will be a $100 shift(for about 5 hours), I will go in with a smile on my face and a spring in my step. And then  I get to come home and have Turkey and cheesecake. Yummy                                              Love ya'll. Cristy(edited to add a chicken picture)

[attachment deleted by admin]
« Last Edit: November 18, 2007, 02:31:04 PM by cjc »

Offline Queen Tokelove

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Re: Dating Thread Part XI - A November to Remember...
« Reply #55 on: November 18, 2007, 03:03:00 PM »
Howdy Girls--

I am feeling better today, not sure what the stomach thing was all about. Rico came over last night and stayed the night with me, that seems to be a regular thing now. I see him after he works and he usually spends the night with me because he is off the next day, so basically I see him twice a week. It's good for me cause it allows me to miss him and I like that. Well, last night we were watching tv and was watching this one comedian named Paul Mooney, not sure if any of you are familiar with him but he was the guy who came up with Homey D. Clown on Living Color back in the day and he was like the right hand man of Richard Pryor. Anyhoo, Paul was speaking on Magic Johnson and him being poz, well I took that opening to talk to Rico about it and see how he feels on the subject. Come to find out, he has a few friends back where he is from who is poz and a sister who passed from AIDS. But even with that he is really misinformed about a lot of things and I had to educate him on a few things as well. With what he told me, he is sooooooo not ready for me to disclose to him yet but I think I will refer him to my ASO to get better informed and to get a test done. Not because he has been with me because I have remained to be safe with him but because I feel it is something he needs to do. He seemed to be amazed on how much I knew about the subject. I was so tempted to bring him to the forums but I think it would've freaked him out.

My son came to see shortly after Rico left today. It was good to see him. I gave him some condoms and gave him the news that I was seeing someone. Of course, I got the 3rd degree and he wants to meet him. I'm not concerned that he would say anything to Rico because we have had that discussion in the past, my son is happy that I am seeing someone but he is protective of me as well. My son is outspoken like myself, so there is no telling what would come out of his mouth... :D

Betty--- Honestly, I have not checked my sugars in a few weeks. I have been taking my meds faithfully though. I go through periods of checking my sugars then stop then go right back to it again. I usually do this because I get frustrated pricking my fingers so much then it doesn't want to give up any blood. I need to call my primary doc tomorrow to find out what my A1C was when I got it done on Halloween. But then I was more concerned with how I was doing with the Atripla/Ziagen.

NY--- It seems like MM is trying to do the right thing, I'll keep my fingers crossed for you. I see you got NY as your avatar now. Do you watch the show? I do faithfully, can't wait to see what happens on Monday once Chance and his brother shows up.

Winiroo--- I have heard folks complain that the depo shot puts weight on them. I guess I am that small percentage that it doesn't. I have been on the shot now for a year or so and has not gained anything. I think the depo shot is a blessing, it has made me a much nicer person... ;D

I guess that is all for now. I need to work on some things so I will check back in later....
Started Atripla/Ziagen on 9/13/07.
10/31/07 CD4-265 VL- undetectable
2/6/08 CD4- 401 VL- undetectable
5/7/08 CD4- 705 VL- undetectable
6/4/08 CD4- 775 VL- undetectable
8/6/08 CD4- 805 VL- undetectable
11/13/08 CD4- 774 VL--undetectable
2/4/09  CD4- 484  VL- 18,000 (2 months off meds)
3/3/09---Starting Back on Meds---
4/27/09 CD4- 664 VL-- undetectable
6/17/09 CD4- 438 VL- 439
8/09 CD4- 404 VL- 1,600
01-22-10-- CD4- 525 VL- 59,000
Cherish the simple things life has to offer

The Royal Blog

Offline BT65

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Re: Dating Thread Part XI - A November to Remember...
« Reply #56 on: November 18, 2007, 03:14:47 PM »
Good afternoon ladies:

OK, Cin, I am waiting to hear about your new job.  What will you be doing?  Is it paying you what you want?  I am so happy for you, with the new job and Iceman.  This should be a great holiday for you!  Do you have any snow yet?

Queen, I was just wondering how you were keeping your sugars from crashing.  But then again, we diabetics can tell when our sugar is crashing, I know I sure can.  I get all sweaty, shakey, my heart starts pounding, it's awful.  I was reading that if it lasts too long, someone can end up in a coma.  Glad your belly is feeling better.  You know how I feel about you disclosing, I've already told you that.  I knew something was up with Rico, now I know.  I think it would be a great idea to steer him to the ASO. 

Cristy, good to hear from you girl!  Nice chickens.  Actually, I don't know what constitutes a "cute" chicken, but they are nice looking, I guess. :)   I don't blame you for chekcing into a group home for your son.  It would probably be way too much for you to handle if he's getting violent, especially if he's that way with you and your mom. 

Anyone else, I hope it's going alright.  OH!  GUESS WHAT!   I did quit smoking today, after all.  I smoked a couple cigarettes this morning, then finally got tired of not being able to breathe and threw them out.  While I was in church, I had my apartment airing out, so now it smells like the "carmel apple" candle I got yesterday at the farmer's market.  The dinner after church was nice.  There was tons of food.  And it was all so good.  I didn't overeat either, which is so easy for me to do when I'm not smoking.  I'm not saying I won't, but just saying that I didn't today.  I even had just a wee-small slice of pie afterwards, instead of the usual chunk.   So this afternoon I have some homework that I have to do for my Child & Adolescent Psychology class.  I will have a paper due in there in a couple weeks, but I only do one assignment a day, unless I'm way motivated, which I am not today.  I want to do some Christmas shopping pretty soon, but I don't want to go when the stores will be overcrowded, which they were today.  So, anyways ladies, onward and upward.
I've never killed anyone, but I frequently get satisfaction reading the obituary notices.-Clarence Darrow

Offline confusedme

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Re: Dating Thread Part XI - A November to Remember...
« Reply #57 on: November 18, 2007, 11:20:46 PM »
Hi ladies. Just stopping in to say hi. I've been to church today with my husband. He was in this big men's day program they were having and I feel like I have been sitting on a pew for 2 days.

Tomorrow we are going to talk to a contractor about my blueprints. I had plans to build a house just a few months ago and everything fell thru. Hoping for some good news tomorrow. I'll be checking in after I deal with that.
08/13/07 - Diagnosis confirmed
08/30/07 - T-cells 400, VL 6,500 (Baseline)
11/30/07 - T-cells 428, VL 9,950

Offline Queen Tokelove

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Re: Dating Thread Part XI - A November to Remember...
« Reply #58 on: November 18, 2007, 11:54:53 PM »
Hey Confused....Our Cowboys beat Cindy's Redskins.....We are 9-1.....Woooo fucking Hoooooooo. ;D..*turns out the light and closes the door*.....
Started Atripla/Ziagen on 9/13/07.
10/31/07 CD4-265 VL- undetectable
2/6/08 CD4- 401 VL- undetectable
5/7/08 CD4- 705 VL- undetectable
6/4/08 CD4- 775 VL- undetectable
8/6/08 CD4- 805 VL- undetectable
11/13/08 CD4- 774 VL--undetectable
2/4/09  CD4- 484  VL- 18,000 (2 months off meds)
3/3/09---Starting Back on Meds---
4/27/09 CD4- 664 VL-- undetectable
6/17/09 CD4- 438 VL- 439
8/09 CD4- 404 VL- 1,600
01-22-10-- CD4- 525 VL- 59,000
Cherish the simple things life has to offer

The Royal Blog

Offline Nygurl225

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  • Posts: 63
Re: Dating Thread Part XI - A November to Remember...
« Reply #59 on: November 19, 2007, 11:10:10 AM »
Good morning ladies!

Hope everything is going well for you all today.

CONGRATS Betty!!!!!!  So glad you quit! Keep up the good work. Its hard but worth it!

Hi Queen. Well, Rico isnít ready for the big disclosure huh? Hopefully he becomes more informed about HIV and eventually (soon) you feel comfortable enough to disclose. Glad you got to see your son too. My question for you is, how did you tell your son you were Poz? As you know I have 3 children who are fairly young and Iíve often wondered when and how I should tell them. Any tips from you ladies would be helpful. And I do watch I love NY sometimes. Iím not big on watching TV but my oldest daughter LOVES the show, so I catch it sometimes. I figured the avatar was fitting since I go by NY.

Confused~ Hope all goes well with the new house.

As for me itís the same ole sh*t  I got a call back from the ASO this morning, they just needed more info on me before they could give my paperwork to a case worker. The guy who calls frustrates the hell outta me!! I think he must be new to the job because he doesnít seem to know what he is doing and asks the same questions over and over. He also has a VERY heavy accent and heís hard to understand. But I got through the call and hopefully a caseworker will call me soon. I pray!! Still nothing from disability or child support. Iím just sitting home waiting for the mail. Hopefully something good happens.

Lately Iíve had horrible heartburn and acid reflux which I know is normally during pregnancy, but this is getting REALLY bad. It has me in tears sometimes!! Well yesterday a new issue started. every time I eat, no matter what it is my stomach hurts like hell. Every swallow I take feels like Iím swallowing a rock that has been set on fire. Even if the food isnít acidic It happened with Ice cream last night. I know I should call the doc but I have the feeling theyíll just tell me itís acid reflux and its ďnormalĒ ugh. I guess Iíll just wait and see. Well, Back to the normal stuff for the day school work.  I may even begin Christmas decorating today. I need a boost in my spirits.

Oh and Cin howís the new job? Have you started yet?

Well, until later ladies.. Iím out!

Offline MOONLIGHT1114

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Re: Dating Thread Part XI - A November to Remember...
« Reply #60 on: November 19, 2007, 11:14:27 AM »
No job start date yet, spoke to the recruiter today and she is confused, lol.  I am rushing out to go pee in a cup, but can post this afternoon.  Iceman was with me all weekend, just left this morning!  ;)

Oh and Queen, I was BORN in DC so at least I am rooting for my home team!   :P

Tee-hee!
HIV+ since '93, 1/12 - CD4 785 and undet.   WOO-HOO!!

Offline BT65

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Re: Dating Thread Part XI - A November to Remember...
« Reply #61 on: November 19, 2007, 12:01:41 PM »
Good afternoon ladies:

NY, I do hope the burning feels better.  I remember when I was pregnant, one time I had it so bad, I was in tears also.  Of course, that was 24 years ago and treatments for it were different.  The things they used to do for it then they tell you not to do.  But if it's getting that bad, maybe you should talk to your doctor to see if there's any relief out there.  I hear you on the homework.  I just did a report for my Child & Adolescent Psychology class.  I am so ready for the break that's coming in about three weeks.

Cin, I'm looking foward to hearing about your new job.  I hope you post about it this afternoon.

Still no smoking for me.  I did some yoga this morning and I felt a lot better.  It was tough this morning though, having coffee without a cig.  But I definitely don't want to start again.  I even threw out the ashtrays this time! 

My dad may need to be moved to a nursing home in the near future.  He shakes all the time now, sometimes to the point where he can't get something in his mouth.  And he had to get some stool samples for the doctor, which makes me wonder why.  He had colon cancer in the past, and I'm wondering if it's back.  He has lost so much weight.  If it is colon cancer, he's not going to do anything about it; not that I would expect him to at this point.  I just hope we all make it through the holidays.   More later...
I've never killed anyone, but I frequently get satisfaction reading the obituary notices.-Clarence Darrow

Offline cjc

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Re: Dating Thread Part XI - A November to Remember...
« Reply #62 on: November 19, 2007, 01:18:50 PM »
Betty, i will keep your dad in my thoughts. That is  so scary that the cancer could be back. Hope it's just some kind of routine test. Sorry he had to be moved but maybe it's for the best, 24 hour staff and all that.       Congratulations on the not smoking. I never quit but cut down by half and I kept the rest of my Chantix so  I will try again soon.                                             NY, sorry things are like that, hope they get better soon.                                                  Moonlight, I hope the job is everything you want and need.                  Queen, I think you are right, he is not ready. Maybe you could get him some more info so it will be easier when the time comes.                        I had a okay morning except for one incident. I went to pick up  my Atripla, groceries and cigs for the house. I parked my car at a store, went in , and this guy in a work truck backed into my car. I got so mad. I ran after his truck, yelling at him and he didn't stop. I probably scared him half to death but damn, he hit my car!!!!!!!!!!  So I called the local police and gave them his tag number and they will take care of it. My poor little escort is not badly damaged. If he would have stopped, I probably would  have let it go but I know he saw me yelling and running after his truck. Fucking jerk!!!!!!!!!!!    Anyway, thanks for letting me vent about that. I know the police will catch him, cause I gave the tag number. Maybe I can pop the dent out and polish the paint smear off.                        Hope you ladies have a good day.     Cristy

Offline wishful

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Re: Dating Thread Part XI - A November to Remember...
« Reply #63 on: November 19, 2007, 01:21:22 PM »
Hey ladies..hope everyone had a good weekend!..Depo shots..well i have my 14 yr old on it...just had one today...her weight only changed about 1-2 lbs every visit..she is a slimmy tho..5'6 127..thick in the thighs like me but other than that she is thin...she has been on it 6 months now...i have never tried the depo for that fear..(prior to my tubal ligation)..and im no slimmy! So i didnt want anything extra...i hear the IUD is pretty good..dont know first hand..

NY:..heartburn at its worse..and acid reflux..i had it with my son..it felt soo bad like my whole torso was on fire on the inside...an ole wives tale is that means your baby will have a lot of hair..( my son didnt..lol)..and i had it toward the end of my preganct too..Hope u feel better...i dont think they gave me anything...
Live life to the fullest...

Offline Queen Tokelove

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Re: Dating Thread Part XI - A November to Remember...
« Reply #64 on: November 19, 2007, 01:55:15 PM »
Oh and Queen, I was BORN in DC so at least I am rooting for my home team!   :P

I actually use to like the Steelers back in the day of Terry Bradshaw and Franco Harris. But that is besides the point, girlie, just accept that my team spanked that ass.... :P

Christy--- I hope the police does catch the man who backed into your car. Sounds like to me he was afraid of something, maybe he didn't have insurance.

NY---  My son actually found out my status through my sister. I believe she told him hoping that he wouldn't want anything to do with me but it backfired on her. He actually asks me questions from time to time, not just about hiv but other stds. I make it a point to keep him informed and protected. Sorry to hear about the heartburn. I never had that problem with any of my kids and they all came out with heads full of hair. I would still contact your doctor, better safe than sorry.

Wishful--- That is how it is with me on the depo shot, a pound here or sometimes I lose a pound but has never gained more than that.

Just called my primary doc to check on my A1C results from Halloween. I am doing good, it is 5, I guess it is suppose to be under 6. Maybe I am finally getting everything under control.
« Last Edit: November 19, 2007, 02:38:20 PM by Queen Akasha »
Started Atripla/Ziagen on 9/13/07.
10/31/07 CD4-265 VL- undetectable
2/6/08 CD4- 401 VL- undetectable
5/7/08 CD4- 705 VL- undetectable
6/4/08 CD4- 775 VL- undetectable
8/6/08 CD4- 805 VL- undetectable
11/13/08 CD4- 774 VL--undetectable
2/4/09  CD4- 484  VL- 18,000 (2 months off meds)
3/3/09---Starting Back on Meds---
4/27/09 CD4- 664 VL-- undetectable
6/17/09 CD4- 438 VL- 439
8/09 CD4- 404 VL- 1,600
01-22-10-- CD4- 525 VL- 59,000
Cherish the simple things life has to offer

The Royal Blog

Offline MOONLIGHT1114

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Re: Dating Thread Part XI - A November to Remember...
« Reply #65 on: November 19, 2007, 05:32:14 PM »
Hi GFs~

Whew I am tired today, must be from staying up all weekend long!  ;)  I am trying to get my timeline straight for Thanksgiving dinner, as I will be cooking a bird and everything by myself!

Queen~  A 5.0 for your A1C is excellent, damn you must eat rabbit food!  Mine has been just under 7.0 for a few years.  I'm at 6.9 now, and was 6.8 back in July.  The doc says that ADA guidelines want you under 7.0, but I need to improve.  BTW, I think Franco Harris is a hunk, is that whacked or what?  LOL

Wishful~  I just went off the pill after 19 years.  I think Sustiva interacted with it and messed up my cycle.  Everything is getting back to normal without the cramps I had as a teenager, so I am glad.

Cristy~  That sucks that your car got hit.  I would've been behind the wheel so fast and after that punk!  Good thing you got the tag number!

BT~I'm sorry to hear about your father's troubles, and I know how you must be missing your mother this time of year.  I am with you, GF.  I feel what you're going through, wish I could make things better for you somehow.  You have great energy and a great spirit about you, so find joy this season where you can.  You deserve that for yourself!

Sorry for the job details delay thing.  Its really weird how its happening, not the best situation in my opinion, but it will do.  I live in MD, and a recruiter from TX saw my resume on Career Builder.  She called and said she wanted to submit my info to this healthcare company, and the position was for "Senior Data Entry Clerk."  The first thing I told the young recruiter was this, that the company is notorius for underpaying its employees and I wouldn't work for cheap.  So, I get the call the other day saying I'm in, I don't need a face to face interview, just fill out the online application so they can do a background check, go for the drug test, and you'll start 11/26.

Well, the recruiter calls last Saturday and says she was wrong about the hourly rate, so it has gone down by a dollar, which is a load of crap, but its still $3 - $4 better than most jobs in this area, so I can try to get by on the wage.  Today she calls and asks if I have received an email link to sign up for payroll with, which I hadn't.  She also says it may take a few days to get my background check done, but as soon as its complete and clear I can start working.  Um......I ask her what the hell happened to the start date of 11/26, and she doesn't recall giving me that date.  I just don't like it when people don't have their shit together, esp recruiters.  They talk to enough candidates, so why don't they create a file and write down some notes already?  LOL  I guess the good thing is this, if I don't work next week, I am available Thursday and Friday when Iceman moves into his new place.  ;D 

My job is basically reviewing claims with errors and doing detail work in order to push them through.  I just hope I don't sit in a cubicle with 300 other people in the same room.  Sustiva and diabetes make it so I get distracted very easily.  Hell, I don't think I'll be talking with customers, I hope not, but this recruiter doesn't know much about what's going on.  I have to be patient.  I just know that the customer service reps for this company make beans, and my salary is ok.  It was just enough to get by on before they whacked the $1/hr off of the rate.  Its also a contract position, not necessarily for 90 days.  It may be contract for longer, so I have my MADAP paying for my COBRA health benefits through September.  Then its crunch time.

NY~  So sorry to hear about the heartburn!  I was going to suggest a glass of milk and then I read that it even happened with ice cream!   :o  I hope you can get some relief!

Confused~  I got a chuckle out of you "sitting on the pew for 2 days" thing!  LOL  I know my lipo butt would be in certain pain by that point!   ;D

Drag, Cam, Sun and Tendai~  How are you girls doing?

I read Ann's blog yesterday and was in tears, btw.  I couldn't believe that shit!  It reminded me of when Doofus split with me last December, just out of nowhere!  Ann, if you're reading this, you're in our thoughts!

Iceman asked me this morning why I wasn't married yet? ;)  He is such a flirt!  He kinda looks like Cal Ripken Jr.  who used to play baseball for the Orioles, and he was looking like Bruce Willis again last night.  Now we are saying "Yippee kai yay, mutha fucka" to each other, from "Live Free or Die Hard."  LOL  I need to see that, it comes out on DVD tomorrow, I think.

Iceman and I are both very happy.  He left the house at the crack of the crack this morning, around 530am and then I hear him pulling up 15 minutes later and knocking on the door.  He had forgotten his cell phone, but said the traffic was so bad that he was just going to snuggle with me for a few hours more.  Yay, or to quote Drag "Ah, bliss...."

Hope everyone is getting ready for a great holiday!  I am going to ask my mother if I can borrow her china to serve Thanksgiving Dinner on, since she and Dad are traveling for the holiday.  I was in the basement looking through the Christmas decorations today, and I brought my artificial tree upstairs.  I had to move some things around, and I found three serving platters that had belonged to my late grandmother.  I have never used them since receiving them in 2005, hell, I didn't even have a DR set to serve from until recently, lol.  I started crying when I unwrapped the platters, just sitting in the basement with the biggest smile on my face, and crying, remembering my grandmother.  One of the platters has a goddess-like woman in a flowing robe, holding a cornucopia (horn o'plenty) under her arm!  PERFECT for Thanksgiving!  Grandma was watching over me today or I may have never found those platters in the basement! 

Also found my Tarot cards too.  Oooooooo, spooky.

Cheech is getting very excited about turkey time, he doesn't quite get what is going on, but he knows its good.  He's getting a great vibe from me and Iceman, we have such a good time together, and Cheech is happy that we're happy, old doggie!

~ Cindy
HIV+ since '93, 1/12 - CD4 785 and undet.   WOO-HOO!!

Offline BT65

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Re: Dating Thread Part XI - A November to Remember...
« Reply #66 on: November 19, 2007, 08:50:51 PM »
Good evening ladies:

Cristy, that sucks royally that someone hit your car and then took off.  It's a good thing you got the license number.  I hope the police track him down and he ends up having to pay for your car's cosmetic work.  Hopefully, anyway,.......  BTW, my dad has not been moved yet.  Actually I talked to him a couple times today and he's supposed to be getting some kind of home care set up through his doctor.  I hope it happens soon, as I don't know how much longer he can be by himself. 

Cin, well, at least it's a job for now I suppose.  That serving platter you found sounds delightful.  So you're going to cook a whole Thanksgiving meal by yourself?  That's great, good luck with that.  I'm so happy you have someone special to spend the holiday with!  I have an artificial tree in the basement, but I doubt I will put it up.  I have a small one up on my surround sound with a couple nutcrackers by it and a Santa.  I also have a string of lights outside.  And in the kitchen, I have the manger scene on one of my shelves.  That will probably be the extent of my decorating this year.  If I brought the tree out, my cat would probably go into hiding until after Christmas! :D  Oh, I also bought her (the cat) a stocking and have some gourmet kitty treats in it and some play mice.  Even the stocking scared her when I showed it to her.LOL 

Other than that, still not smoking.  I got my report done that I was doing for my child & adolescent psych class.  Tomorrow I might try to go Christmas shopping.  I was thinking about going today when I was done with the report, but it was way to grey out for that.  I hope all you ladies have a good evening!
I've never killed anyone, but I frequently get satisfaction reading the obituary notices.-Clarence Darrow

Offline confusedme

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Re: Dating Thread Part XI - A November to Remember...
« Reply #67 on: November 19, 2007, 09:22:10 PM »
Hey Confused....Our Cowboys beat Cindy's Redskins.....We are 9-1.....Woooo fucking Hoooooooo. ;D..*turns out the light and closes the door*.....

HELL YEAH!!!  ;D ;D :P :P ROMO & T.O. BABY!!!
Confused~  I got a chuckle out of you "sitting on the pew for 2 days" thing!  LOL  I know my lipo butt would be in certain pain by that point!   ;D

Girl I lack nothing in the booty department and I was dying! LOL

NY, thanks for the well wishes on the house but I am a little leery of this guy we talked to. We toured some of his work today and I was not impressed. He kept insisting that he had a large crew with limited training on a rushed schedule but it just didn't look good.

Nothing much else going on but the weird queasy feelings that pop up sometimes. I couldn't even finish my mcrib today.  :'(


08/13/07 - Diagnosis confirmed
08/30/07 - T-cells 400, VL 6,500 (Baseline)
11/30/07 - T-cells 428, VL 9,950

Offline dutch1955

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Re: Dating Thread Part XI - A November to Remember...
« Reply #68 on: November 20, 2007, 12:03:36 AM »
Hi Ciindy:
I have read many of your notes and wanted to respond many times but choose to wait.  I had to write now because I want to tell you that you can't keep going from one to the other.  Do you believe that the real person for you will find you.  I know it is difficult and that it can get lonely.  But I don't think you give the real ones a chance before you want to dive in.  Give yourself a chance to heal and then have faith and hope will bring it all to you in time.   You use the word sensitive as though its just that a word.  It takes time to get to know someone from the heart....not just a week or two.  People have lives that have been changed.  I know one of the most sensitive, brightest, artistic, loving man there is and his life was shattered for a time.  Our lives were shattered but strenght came with time and acceptance. 

Dutch 


Offline Queen Tokelove

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Re: Dating Thread Part XI - A November to Remember...
« Reply #69 on: November 20, 2007, 12:30:35 AM »
*catches breath*.....Um, Dutch, Let me say Welcome to the Forums, I don't want to seem like I don't have manners. I think you could've worded your opinion a bit better about my girl, Cindy. You talk like she is some type of whore or something but you are trying to use the fact that you have read her posts as an excuse to say this. And how do you know that the person she is with now is not the person that was suppose to find her? And how do you expect to find the right one if not for some trial and error. I am sure you did not find your "love" on the first try. I think the saying goes, "It is better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all." I really think you need to lighten up!!!!!! >:(
Started Atripla/Ziagen on 9/13/07.
10/31/07 CD4-265 VL- undetectable
2/6/08 CD4- 401 VL- undetectable
5/7/08 CD4- 705 VL- undetectable
6/4/08 CD4- 775 VL- undetectable
8/6/08 CD4- 805 VL- undetectable
11/13/08 CD4- 774 VL--undetectable
2/4/09  CD4- 484  VL- 18,000 (2 months off meds)
3/3/09---Starting Back on Meds---
4/27/09 CD4- 664 VL-- undetectable
6/17/09 CD4- 438 VL- 439
8/09 CD4- 404 VL- 1,600
01-22-10-- CD4- 525 VL- 59,000
Cherish the simple things life has to offer

The Royal Blog

Offline Nygurl225

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Re: Dating Thread Part XI - A November to Remember...
« Reply #70 on: November 20, 2007, 01:25:57 AM »
Hi Ciindy:
I have read many of your notes and wanted to respond many times but choose to wait.  I had to write now because I want to tell you that you can't keep going from one to the other.  Do you believe that the real person for you will find you.  I know it is difficult and that it can get lonely.  But I don't think you give the real ones a chance before you want to dive in.  Give yourself a chance to heal and then have faith and hope will bring it all to you in time.   You use the word sensitive as though its just that a word.  It takes time to get to know someone from the heart....not just a week or two.  People have lives that have been changed.  I know one of the most sensitive, brightest, artistic, loving man there is and his life was shattered for a time.  Our lives were shattered but strenght came with time and acceptance. 

Dutch 




Where da hell did this all come from? I'm confused. With all do respect, your entitled to your opinion as is everyone on these forums, but damn isn't this a bit much for a first post? How about introducing yourself first instead of bashing someone from the get go. We all make decisions according to what WE think is best for OUR lives. I feel we are here to support eachother, weather we agree with the other person or not. Cindy is the only person who has to walk in her shoes, only she knows what is right for her. I encourage you to offer some info about yourself and maybe get to know people before passing judgement. Just a thought.

Offline BT65

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Re: Dating Thread Part XI - A November to Remember...
« Reply #71 on: November 20, 2007, 05:45:51 AM »
Hi Ciindy:
I have read many of your notes and wanted to respond many times but choose to wait.  I had to write now because I want to tell you that you can't keep going from one to the other.  Do you believe that the real person for you will find you.  I know it is difficult and that it can get lonely.  But I don't think you give the real ones a chance before you want to dive in.  Give yourself a chance to heal and then have faith and hope will bring it all to you in time.   You use the word sensitive as though its just that a word.  It takes time to get to know someone from the heart....not just a week or two.  People have lives that have been changed.  I know one of the most sensitive, brightest, artistic, loving man there is and his life was shattered for a time.  Our lives were shattered but strenght came with time and acceptance. 

Dutch 



Dutch,

I just wanted to chime in with the others and tell you to back off on Cin.   She is a wonderful person who deserves all the happiness she's having right now.  She's had a rough time of it, and you have no right to come on these forums and for your first thread, just trash her.  We don't even know anything about you.  You do sound kind of bitter.  But you can't take your bitterness or what has happened in your life out on one of us.  And I noticed that that was the only response you have on these forums.  I'm glad you're here if you need support, but please don't come on here to trash someone.  Just sayin'.
I've never killed anyone, but I frequently get satisfaction reading the obituary notices.-Clarence Darrow

Offline Dragonette

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Re: Dating Thread Part XI - A November to Remember...
« Reply #72 on: November 20, 2007, 06:21:41 AM »
I have not been posting b/c of my arm it's been awful in the last days. Yes I have voice rec but it takes ages to use so I have just been sidelined for a while.

Betty, I can just send you the sincerist wishes and hope that you will manage with your dad's problems and live and breathe thru this (isn't it great breathing without cigs? I haven't smoked in a month, keep on, one day at a time, it will be great). I have a lot on my mind when I read you, this looks like one of the hardest things in life and yet most people never talk about it. we see all these celebrities and they are like 30, 40, 50, and all we read is about the relationships and no one ever says how they take care of their parents. i was talking with my brother this week but he doesn't want to think about it, at all. I am so scared of it...

Cindy, what happened to that job with the GM? I am sorry things are so tangled. I don't like recruiters, sue me. I know there will be a breakthru for you. Sounds like a extremely cozy thanksgiving is coming up.

Cristy, hope the police find this guy. American police look very serious to me. Police in Israel are a sad joke. I would not have chased him either, you never know he might have a gun somewhere in the car... let the sheriff play sheriff. BTW I am glad your bro left & you have peace now.

NY, how did things go with the ASO? did you catch them? sorry about the burning feeling.

My arm hurts so I will sign off. so thanksgiving is when exactly? hope it will be a great one for all of you.

Hugs,


« Last Edit: November 20, 2007, 06:28:15 AM by Dragonette »
"If you keep one foot in yesterday, and one in tomorrow, you piss all over today". Betty Tacy

Offline MOONLIGHT1114

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Re: Dating Thread Part XI - A November to Remember...
« Reply #73 on: November 20, 2007, 09:51:50 AM »
Hi Ciindy:
I have read many of your notes and wanted to respond many times but choose to wait.  I had to write now because I want to tell you that you can't keep going from one to the other.  Do you believe that the real person for you will find you.  I know it is difficult and that it can get lonely.  But I don't think you give the real ones a chance before you want to dive in.  Give yourself a chance to heal and then have faith and hope will bring it all to you in time.   You use the word sensitive as though its just that a word.  It takes time to get to know someone from the heart....not just a week or two.  People have lives that have been changed.  I know one of the most sensitive, brightest, artistic, loving man there is and his life was shattered for a time.  Our lives were shattered but strenght came with time and acceptance. 

Dutch 

Well, I guess I had better respond and also say welcome to the Forums, Dutch. 

You are telling me I CAN'T go from one to the other?  LOL  Where did you come from?  Yeah, GFs, I'm a little perplexed, but.....This is exactly how I operate. What I choose to do is my business, and if I choose to share it here, I would expect you to be respectful of my choices. 

Dutch, I'm really not all that offended, I just think that you don't know me like you think you do.

Queen made good points about trial and error.  She knows that I strongly believe that if you sit idle, you are less likely to find what you are looking for.
And how do you know that the person she is with now is not the person that was suppose to find her? And how do you expect to find the right one if not for some trial and error.

I am very strong as my GFs here know, and I don't need much time to heal.  Sitting back idly and "healing" would be time passing me by, imo.

It takes time to get to know someone from the heart, not just a week or two.   I agree, but all I have had with Iceman IS a few weeks and we are building on what we have in just a short time. 

Who watched The Bachelor last night?  I recorded it and watched it this morning.  I was sad at the end for the women, but I was smiling to myself because I haven't been rejected by Iceman.  Over the years, I have pushed myself to disclose to neggies, knowing full well what I was risking -- my heart.  This is the first time I actually felt relatively comfortable with disclosing to a man, just because he was so caring and my gut told me it would be OK.  Hell, BT told me it would be OK!  ;)  You know what?  I was right about Iceman and we are very happy with each other.

This isn't junior high, this is the start of something wonderful.

OK, GFs, I think Dutch was just trying to help, but its obvious from reading that she doesn't know me very well, and probably hasn't read all 900 posts here, lol!  I'll let it go.

~ Cindy
« Last Edit: November 20, 2007, 09:59:00 AM by MOONLIGHT1114 »
HIV+ since '93, 1/12 - CD4 785 and undet.   WOO-HOO!!

Offline srmn98

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Re: Dating Thread Part XI - A November to Remember...
« Reply #74 on: November 20, 2007, 12:19:04 PM »
Hi All,

I hope everybody is gearing up for a good Thanksgiving this week. Iím excited to have a little time off.

Thanks for all of your replies on the disclosure issue.

Cindy:  You said, ďSo, what I did with Stone, that was my choice, and Queen, what she is doing with Rico, we all have to accept that as being Queen's CHOICE and just shut the hell up if we don't agree fully. ď  I donít think the point of this board is for us all to agree. I have pointed out my opinions to ďQueenĒ in a polite and hopefully constructive way. Isnít this why we are all here ? Iím looking for a group of women that I can TALK to about anything, good or bad. Telling me to ďshut the hell upĒ is not constructive.

Queen -  I know that all of our situations are different, yet we all share the fact that we struggle with HIV and with disclose. So while I have not walked a mile in your shoes, and I will never understand your situation completely, I feel this forum is a good place to talk about difficult issues. And disclosure, clearly, is a difficult issue for all of us based on everything I read here. Iím not judging you. We all make choices, I have been far from perfect in my life. My disclosures have not always had happy endings. My family does not know my status, my coworkers do not know my status --  only a handful of friends and my boyfriend know. The stigma is difficult for me as well.  I know you are looking for the right time to disclose. I know you didnít plan to sleep with him. But I still hold the belief that sex before disclosure is unfair to your partner. Not to be clichť, but I believe we should treat others and we would hope to be treated. Would any of us want our partnerís not to disclose before sex ? Think long and hard about it Ė if you were negative, and starting to date somebody Ö and then AFTER sex they disclosed their status --  how would you feel ? Would you trust that person ? Iím sorry Ė I know these are hard things to say, and hard things to hear Ė but I think they need to be said. We are all human. Sure, life happens. We donít plan everything. We make mistakes. It is OK, we are not perfect. Iím not perfect --- but I have friends that call me out on my shit when they see it. And I love them for it Ė I need people to call me out. So Iím  telling you how I feel. And Iím not keeping my mouth shut just because itís hard to hear. Iím not keeping my mouth shut because it is isnít a pretty thing to say. Iím speaking from my heart Ė and I support everybody out there to disclose before sex.

So I hear a few of you telling me that I am judging here. I hear a few of you implying if I donít have something nice to say that I should not say anything at all. So I wonder, when do we stand up and speak our minds ?  Letís put forth an example here and see how people feel:  Say you had a really close friend that was POZ. Man/ Woman whatever. And say that person was interested in a good friend of yours that was NEG. Again, Man/Woman whatever. And say these two people started falling for each other. And say you knew that your NEG friend did not know your POZ friend was POZ. And they started having sex. How would you feel ???  Would you be worried about your friends ? I would be worried about BOTH of my friends. I would be worried about my NEG friend that they did not know they were at risk. I would be worried about my POZ friend that he/she was unable to disclose. What would I do ? I would encourage my POZ friend to disclose. So, thatís what I am doing here. Iím not judging, Iím not making excuses, Iím not scolding, Iím not applauding. Iím speaking my mind as to what I think is best for stopping one more person from becoming HIV positive. We all have different view of disclosure ethics. You gals can all disagree with me. But if you look deep into your hearts, I have a hard time believing that some piece of you doesnít agree. Maybe it is the piece of you that remembers how you became POZ Ė maybe it was by somebody not disclosing. It hurts. HIV hurts. This world hurts. Relationships hurt. Rejection hurts. Life hurts. And yes, disclosure hurts. But it comes with the package of HIV. We are stuck with it. So I think we should be encouraging of each other to go through with it. This is after all a forum about HIV, women, and dating.

Maybe some of my opinions originate with how I was infected. Hereís another topic that will upset some of you. But I ALWAYS used condoms except with two of my boyfriends that have since tested negative. I went to the doctor with both of these ex-boyfriends to verify their test results. So, I got HIV either from unprotected oral sex (which for some reason folks on AIDSMEDS seem to disagree) OR I got HIV while using condoms. I always checked the condoms to makes sure they didnít break, etc Ė so I can only guess I got it through oral sex. Please donít question my memory on this, etc Ė Iím telling the truth and my memory is not selective. So, this being the case Ė in my EXPERIENCE Ė there is always some risk of passing on HIV Ė no matter how small the risk is, no matter how unlikely Ė nothing is 100%. So this is part of why I feel so strongly about disclosure Ė in my experience condoms might not be enough.

Beyond this, I think there is an emotional component to the whole disclosure issue for our partners. It took my boyfriend a long time to get used to the idea of my being HIV positive. It took a long time for him to become comfortable with protected sex --  we are still working on it in fact. But I think it is his right to take his time getting comfortable with my HIV status. So I think when we are thinking about disclosure it is important to think about the rights of our partners-- what do they deserve as fellow human beings ? In my opinion, they deserve honesty and the chance for them to decide for themselves.

So, it is a complicated issue. There are your privacy rights, there are the rights of your partner Ė there are different ideas out there on what constitutes risk. I can only hope that my words cause all of us to think about disclosure. Of course we will all continue to make our own personal decisions, but this is how I see it.

Queen, please donít take this as an attack, it isnít. Itís my take on a very difficult issue Ė and you can take from it what you will.

Best regards,

Sara


Offline Dragonette

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Re: Dating Thread Part XI - A November to Remember...
« Reply #75 on: November 20, 2007, 04:38:13 PM »
Hi Sara

I'm glad you posted. Let me just say one thing, i don't beleive that by having protected sex with a neg partner we put them at risk. I beleive the reason for disclosure for me would be not to upset my partner and to avoid a worse backlash, so to speak. I already said that. I don't beleive that protected sex with a poz partner, esp. an undetectable one, esp. a female one, can get a neg person infected. If I beleived that, I would never ever have sex with my own BF... as far as oral, forgive me for the bluntess, but the man would have to have very bad mouth/gum health and be taking in large amounts of your inner fluids [b/c only the female juices near the uterus are infection, not the ones from the glands at the entrance of the vagina] to be even at any risk at all. This is what I read and was told, not just here on the forums but by a sexologist who advised me and my BF when we started having sex, who works here at the public health clinic. She was btw more conservative, or strict if you like, than the people here, considering man to woman infection possible under the conditions of a high VL, a large amount of cum in a sore throat or bad, wounded gums. Again sorry for being so graphic i just feel that we need to be specific here if we say that something will lead to infection.
But I am glad you brought this up again, b/c it reminded me of something I wanted to write to Cristy and I forgot b/c I couldn't use my arm (it's much better now after a long workout  at the gym - excercise is good for RSI, being static at the desk is not). Cristy, you mentioned that your Friend, who is OK with you being poz, wants to date, and that your reason for keeping away is fear of infecting him. Cristy, I would really like to see you happy, I don't know nothing about this particular guy, but if the only reason keeping you away from him is this reason, I would hate to see you shut yourself away for that. I can't think of all the right cliches right now with daring, courage, risk, etc, maybe some of the native english speakers will come up with them. just want to see you happy, you deserve that, don't shut yourself off...

Anyway Sara I too think we should be able to freely discuss things and speaking for myself I am sure you spoke from the best intetions. I told Queen upfront that I think disclosing before sex is easier and less scary, but it is her choice, as far as Rico being infected I am not concerned at all. I am just concerned about him being upset but Queen is a big girl with a feel for the specific situation there.

All the best to you, Happy Thanksgiving


« Last Edit: November 20, 2007, 04:40:08 PM by Dragonette »
"If you keep one foot in yesterday, and one in tomorrow, you piss all over today". Betty Tacy

Offline Queen Tokelove

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Re: Dating Thread Part XI - A November to Remember...
« Reply #76 on: November 20, 2007, 06:13:12 PM »

Queen -  I know that all of our situations are different, yet we all share the fact that we struggle with HIV and with disclose. So while I have not walked a mile in your shoes, and I will never understand your situation completely, I feel this forum is a good place to talk about difficult issues. And disclosure, clearly, is a difficult issue for all of us based on everything I read here. Iím not judging you. We all make choices, I have been far from perfect in my life. My disclosures have not always had happy endings. My family does not know my status, my coworkers do not know my status --  only a handful of friends and my boyfriend know. The stigma is difficult for me as well.  I know you are looking for the right time to disclose. I know you didnít plan to sleep with him. But I still hold the belief that sex before disclosure is unfair to your partner. Not to be clichť, but I believe we should treat others and we would hope to be treated. Would any of us want our partnerís not to disclose before sex ? Think long and hard about it Ė if you were negative, and starting to date somebody Ö and then AFTER sex they disclosed their status --  how would you feel ? Would you trust that person ? Iím sorry Ė I know these are hard things to say, and hard things to hear Ė but I think they need to be said. We are all human. Sure, life happens. We donít plan everything. We make mistakes. It is OK, we are not perfect. Iím not perfect --- but I have friends that call me out on my shit when they see it. And I love them for it Ė I need people to call me out. So Iím  telling you how I feel. And Iím not keeping my mouth shut just because itís hard to hear. Iím not keeping my mouth shut because it is isnít a pretty thing to say. Iím speaking from my heart Ė and I support everybody out there to disclose before sex.

So I hear a few of you telling me that I am judging here. I hear a few of you implying if I donít have something nice to say that I should not say anything at all. So I wonder, when do we stand up and speak our minds ?  Letís put forth an example here and see how people feel:  Say you had a really close friend that was POZ. Man/ Woman whatever. And say that person was interested in a good friend of yours that was NEG. Again, Man/Woman whatever. And say these two people started falling for each other. And say you knew that your NEG friend did not know your POZ friend was POZ. And they started having sex. How would you feel ???  Would you be worried about your friends ? I would be worried about BOTH of my friends. I would be worried about my NEG friend that they did not know they were at risk. I would be worried about my POZ friend that he/she was unable to disclose. What would I do ? I would encourage my POZ friend to disclose. So, thatís what I am doing here. Iím not judging, Iím not making excuses, Iím not scolding, Iím not applauding. Iím speaking my mind as to what I think is best for stopping one more person from becoming HIV positive. We all have different view of disclosure ethics. You gals can all disagree with me. But if you look deep into your hearts, I have a hard time believing that some piece of you doesnít agree. Maybe it is the piece of you that remembers how you became POZ Ė maybe it was by somebody not disclosing. It hurts. HIV hurts. This world hurts. Relationships hurt. Rejection hurts. Life hurts. And yes, disclosure hurts. But it comes with the package of HIV. We are stuck with it. So I think we should be encouraging of each other to go through with it. This is after all a forum about HIV, women, and dating.

Maybe some of my opinions originate with how I was infected. Hereís another topic that will upset some of you. But I ALWAYS used condoms except with two of my boyfriends that have since tested negative. I went to the doctor with both of these ex-boyfriends to verify their test results. So, I got HIV either from unprotected oral sex (which for some reason folks on AIDSMEDS seem to disagree) OR I got HIV while using condoms. I always checked the condoms to makes sure they didnít break, etc Ė so I can only guess I got it through oral sex. Please donít question my memory on this, etc Ė Iím telling the truth and my memory is not selective. So, this being the case Ė in my EXPERIENCE Ė there is always some risk of passing on HIV Ė no matter how small the risk is, no matter how unlikely Ė nothing is 100%. So this is part of why I feel so strongly about disclosure Ė in my experience condoms might not be enough.

Beyond this, I think there is an emotional component to the whole disclosure issue for our partners. It took my boyfriend a long time to get used to the idea of my being HIV positive. It took a long time for him to become comfortable with protected sex --  we are still working on it in fact. But I think it is his right to take his time getting comfortable with my HIV status. So I think when we are thinking about disclosure it is important to think about the rights of our partners-- what do they deserve as fellow human beings ? In my opinion, they deserve honesty and the chance for them to decide for themselves.

So, it is a complicated issue. There are your privacy rights, there are the rights of your partner Ė there are different ideas out there on what constitutes risk. I can only hope that my words cause all of us to think about disclosure. Of course we will all continue to make our own personal decisions, but this is how I see it.

Queen, please donít take this as an attack, it isnít. Itís my take on a very difficult issue Ė and you can take from it what you will.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I respect what you have to say, Sara. That is your opinion and obviously you feel very strongly about it as I do my own. Just as you can't comment on the specifics of my situation, I really can't with yours either. The person that infected me did not disclose to me but he also did not even try to protect me either. In my case with Rico, I may have taken the choice away from him which some can say is wrong but I do feel as though I am protecting him by insisting that a condom be worn at all times when sex comes into play. Now what I have learned since being a part of these forums is that since I am undetectable, it is harder for me to pass anything on to him and that it is also more difficult for a woman to transmit the virus to a man. Knowing this makes me feel that I am being responsible and not throwing caution to the wind. And like Dragonette said, I don't feel like at this point that I can infect him.

And you may be right, he may be pissed that I took the choice away from him but at the same time I am hoping that he can understand why I did. I don't feel it was me being selfish but when I explain to him why with how I have been treated by others that he may be able to understand. Another reason that I have not disclosed to him yet is because he is really misinformed about a lot of things in regards to HIV. I am hoping to change that by explaining things to him which I have already and by pointing him in the direction of my ASO. When he is more educated on it then he will be able to see how I was being responsible by protecting him. And honestly, I am hoping he will understand because when it came to our first encounter, he didn't even have a condom, I did but he didn't seem worried about not having one either which to me was kind of reckless considering that he did not know me that well. I guess he was going by the fact that I didn't look sick.

After all this, I am hoping you can see where I am coming from even if you can't relate or do not agree with my methods. I hope this helps not just you Sara but others here who may be wondering. I think it is great that folks can just jump out there and disclose. I am working on that not ignoring it as some may have thought. Just bear with me, I guess is what I am saying here. When the time comes for me to disclose and if Rico does not want to be with me then so be it but if he can accept me for who I am and why I did what I did then I will be the happiest Queen on this Earth.....
« Last Edit: November 20, 2007, 06:15:38 PM by Queen Akasha »
Started Atripla/Ziagen on 9/13/07.
10/31/07 CD4-265 VL- undetectable
2/6/08 CD4- 401 VL- undetectable
5/7/08 CD4- 705 VL- undetectable
6/4/08 CD4- 775 VL- undetectable
8/6/08 CD4- 805 VL- undetectable
11/13/08 CD4- 774 VL--undetectable
2/4/09  CD4- 484  VL- 18,000 (2 months off meds)
3/3/09---Starting Back on Meds---
4/27/09 CD4- 664 VL-- undetectable
6/17/09 CD4- 438 VL- 439
8/09 CD4- 404 VL- 1,600
01-22-10-- CD4- 525 VL- 59,000
Cherish the simple things life has to offer

The Royal Blog

Offline confusedme

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Re: Dating Thread Part XI - A November to Remember...
« Reply #77 on: November 20, 2007, 09:43:21 PM »
Drama is lurking everywhere. All I can say is wow. I had a lot of drama in my life today. It must be in the stars. Since I have so much surrounding me right now, I think I'll just step back from this one. Have a great night ladies. I'll check in tomorrow.
08/13/07 - Diagnosis confirmed
08/30/07 - T-cells 400, VL 6,500 (Baseline)
11/30/07 - T-cells 428, VL 9,950

Offline Nygurl225

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Re: Dating Thread Part XI - A November to Remember...
« Reply #78 on: November 20, 2007, 10:58:34 PM »
I agree with you confused. I had much drama tonight with a crazy ex. The father of my other kids, pretty much he just wanted to get info on my personal life (because he obviously hasn't moved on with his own life) and when i wouldn't give it to him he tried everything in his power to pick a fight with me. I ended up telling him to move on and get some therapy, he hung up on me, lol.  :D

Besides that, not much change in my situation. Still no call from the ASO, still no money, still just lots of BS. As for MM, he got a flat tire and bent a rim on his car. He cant get a new rim until Monday due to the Thanksgiving holiday. So he won't be up here this week as planned ??? I'm not sure weather to be mad (which I am a bit pist) or understanding since this is no fault of his own. I can't help but feel disappointed, and upset. I'm wrestling with my emotions right now. I'm not sure what to feel. But it is what it is, I guess i just have to deal with it.

Well, girls I hope your all doing well.As far as the disclosure issue, it seems everybody has their own life experiances which contribute to their opinions. We are all entitled to them and I don't think anyone is really wrong. With that I'm out for now. Good night ladies

Offline MOONLIGHT1114

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Re: Dating Thread Part XI - A November to Remember...
« Reply #79 on: November 20, 2007, 11:31:52 PM »
Hi GFs~

Yes, disclosure can sure stir up drama here.

Sara~  If you know me well enough from our posts here, you know I have a funny, sarcastic sense of humor.  My saying "we need to shut the hell up if we don't agree fully" is my way of saying show some tact with certain people and certain subjects, i.e. Queen and disclosure.  I am sorry if I offended you with my choice of words.  I really didn't mean to piss you off, if I did.  Its just that I know this topic runs very deep with Queen and is very difficult for her to deal with.  To see her engaging in a relationship with someone makes me very happy, as she was down in the dumps a lot over the summer with regards to the man scene.  Boo-WHO?   ;D

I certainly understand your values and morals, and you saying treat others as you'd like to be treated, with the disclosure issue.  I appreciate you sharing your personal experiences at length in that post above, it shows how much this HIV stigma frustrates us all, and I know many of us can relate to what you posted.  I agree with Drag, I have told Queen that I am concerned more about the trust issue with Rico, since she didn't disclose before the fact, more so than her passing the virus to him.

OK, so I'll say it.  I have always disclosed before getting close with someone, hence "many a toad has hopped away."  I never thought I would understand Queen's actions with Rico, but now I do.  She is doing what is best for her, and taking pride in knowing that even though she hasn't disclosed, she is making sure that Rico is safe when he's with her.  Queen is stepping up to the plate and becoming stronger through her actions.  We are all on different levels with disclosure, but I think we can all agree -- it potentially sucks.

I put up my artificial tree tonight and got the lights strung.  Hopefully Iceman and I can hang the decorations after Thanksgiving dinner, or at least have some mood lighting.  :P

Have a great night, and don't play in traffic tomorrow, its gonna be nuts!

~ Cindy

HIV+ since '93, 1/12 - CD4 785 and undet.   WOO-HOO!!

Offline Queen Tokelove

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Re: Dating Thread Part XI - A November to Remember...
« Reply #80 on: November 21, 2007, 01:47:12 AM »
Well girls let me say this one last thing about the disclosure issue and I am done with it. As I have said in my earlier post, I respect Sara's opinion on the matter. I have explained myself because I did not want anyone to assume anything but understand how I feel and why I am going about things the way I have. I was not looking to cause any type of drama or tension in the thread. This thread was not meant for that and I have seen how it has suffered to an extent because of it. So, let's move ahead shall we?

I hope you all enjoy your Thanksgiving. It will be the first turkey or Thanksgiving dinner I have ever cooked. I will be getting things started tonight sometime since it is technically Wednesday. For those of you traveling, please be safe and don't eat too much..... ;D Confused, isn't it tradition for our Cowboys to be playing on Thanksgiving? Who is our next victim we have to serve up with a healthy heaping of defeat? ;D ;D ;D
Started Atripla/Ziagen on 9/13/07.
10/31/07 CD4-265 VL- undetectable
2/6/08 CD4- 401 VL- undetectable
5/7/08 CD4- 705 VL- undetectable
6/4/08 CD4- 775 VL- undetectable
8/6/08 CD4- 805 VL- undetectable
11/13/08 CD4- 774 VL--undetectable
2/4/09  CD4- 484  VL- 18,000 (2 months off meds)
3/3/09---Starting Back on Meds---
4/27/09 CD4- 664 VL-- undetectable
6/17/09 CD4- 438 VL- 439
8/09 CD4- 404 VL- 1,600
01-22-10-- CD4- 525 VL- 59,000
Cherish the simple things life has to offer

The Royal Blog

Offline confusedme

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Re: Dating Thread Part XI - A November to Remember...
« Reply #81 on: November 21, 2007, 01:52:08 AM »
Queen, our boys will host the Jets at 3:15 Thanksgiving day. I will be watching.
08/13/07 - Diagnosis confirmed
08/30/07 - T-cells 400, VL 6,500 (Baseline)
11/30/07 - T-cells 428, VL 9,950

Offline BT65

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Re: Dating Thread Part XI - A November to Remember...
« Reply #82 on: November 21, 2007, 07:56:52 AM »
Good morning ladies:

Day #3 without cigarettes.  I still have a  hard time breathing, but not like it is when I'm puffing down two packs a day.  I've started doing some yoga, as it helps with the deep breathing. 

NY, an ASO is like a government agency.  I would keep calling them until you get what you need.  You know how government agencies can be.  Don't worry about bothering them.  If they had something they wanted to get ahold of you about, you know they would keep calling you until they got what they wanted.  So keep trying!  BTW, have you checked out the local food pantries?  I wonder if they're doing something a little special because of Thanksgiving. 

Queen, your first Thanksgiving dinner, eh?  Will you be using a turkey bag to cook the bird in?  I love those thing.  They make it so much easier. 

Cin, will you be using a turkey bag?  You are so motivated, putting up your Christmas decorations.  I've only got a few up, and that's going to be it for this year.  It's only my and my cat.  I do have her (my cat's) stocking hanging up in the living room with some goodies in it.  I went and got her a little bed with a cover over it yesterday.  I would wrap it, but the rattle of paper scares the shit out of her, so on Christmas morning, if her present was wrapped, she would probably hide under the bed when I unwrapped it! :D  She is the most skiddish cat.  But I love her. 

Today I'm making a pie to take to my sister's tomorrow.  It's a recipe I found in a magazine and it seems to be really easy to make.  Oh, also, for us diabetics.  I bought some of the Splenda brown sugar blend.  It's really good.  And there's recipes on the back of it, so maybe I'll get creative at Christmas and make a few.  My brother is diabetic also, and alternative sweets would be something nice for him and I.   Of course, I'm not going to not eat the "real" sweets at Christmas.  That just seems sacreligious. :D   I'll probably check in later tonight, after my child & adolescent psychology class.  I hope all you ladies have a good day.  Like Cin said, don't play in the traffic today-
I've never killed anyone, but I frequently get satisfaction reading the obituary notices.-Clarence Darrow

tendai

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Re: Dating Thread Part XI - A November to Remember...
« Reply #83 on: November 21, 2007, 08:44:56 AM »
such drama. and this Dutch person just disappears after starting it..

BT- hang in there girl! i'm sure the breathing will get better with the yoga and i heard the longer u dont smoke the better your lungs get. your health can only improve from now without all that poison.

NY - good to see u in control regards your ex. guess now he knows he cant push u aroung huh? sorry about MM.  i know its disappointing. chin up girl. who knows maybe he can make other travel arrangements. i mean his car isnt the only vehicle around is it?

damn gotta go make some calls.
stay here. i will be back. ;)

Offline MOONLIGHT1114

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Re: Dating Thread Part XI - A November to Remember...
« Reply #84 on: November 21, 2007, 09:39:14 AM »
Hi GfS~

Wow, Dallass and the Jets on Turkey day!  That will be a great game to watch as I try not to fall into the oven while taking out the turkey!  LOL   ;D

Tom (turkey) has been in the fridge for 48 hours now and is still not thawing much.  I may have to get up extra early tomorrow and do the final thaw in the sink.  This is the second time (or is it third?) that I have cooked a turkey. 

Queen, remember to baste, baste, baste!  Mom says do it every half hour, but I do it every 15 minutes.  Also, let the bird "sit" for at least 30 minutes after you take it out of the oven -- makes for a juicier bird if you don't cut into it right away.  Don't worry, it will stay hot for a good hour!

BT~  I'm not using a turkey bag.  I am getting so nervous about the timing for everything.  I have never made homemade mashed potatoes, so tomorrow morning I will be peeling away, for love, lol!  Does anyone know how much milk and butter to add initially?  I know its "to taste" but goodness, this could be crazy!  Also, don't you put a pinch of nutmeg or some spice in there?  Yep, I'm gonna be winging it, lmao!

Your cat cracks me up!  Cheech is afraid of wrapping paper, too, and also plastic bags!  He and I were sitting looking at the tree last night after I got the lights on it.  I don't have any decorations on it, just fluffed the artificial branches and got the lights working.  Its a good start.  I'll haul everything else out tonight.  Congrats on the quitting smoking again, GF.

It will make for a cozy Thanksgiving, having the tree up and decorations out, somehow I think I will be at Iceman's new place a lot after this weekend, helping him get settled in. 

I wish to God that my other little doggie, Casie, was here this holiday season.  I miss her terribly....*smiles listening to Cheech snoring in the hallway*  :)

~ Cindy

[attachment deleted by admin]
« Last Edit: November 21, 2007, 09:43:30 AM by MOONLIGHT1114 »
HIV+ since '93, 1/12 - CD4 785 and undet.   WOO-HOO!!

Offline vivyt

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Re: Dating Thread Part XI - A November to Remember...
« Reply #85 on: November 21, 2007, 09:43:50 AM »
Boy...everyone has an opinion. I hate it when people come in add their 2 cents when they don't know the whole picture. I said this before and I will say it again...everyone has their own reasons for why they do the things they do and it is not for us to judge. There, done...can we put this away?

I hope everyone has a wonderful Thanksgiving! I am looking forward to all the good food!  :) Enjoy your family, loved ones or whoever you are spending time with.

Offline Nygurl225

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Re: Dating Thread Part XI - A November to Remember...
« Reply #86 on: November 21, 2007, 11:33:53 AM »
Hi Ladies! ;D

Well this morning has ben spent making phone calls in an attempt to get some damn money!!! :-\ But besides that I've been pretty lazy, I'm exausted. I'm getting ready now to get my behind moving.I want to begin to decorate for Christmas. I've wanted to for a week now but I've been so tired. I think I need to just jump into it already.

Thanks to my best friend I'm feeling a bit better today, she called me this morning and made me laugh till I almost peed my pants. I needed that. So theres really nothing new going on in my life but I guess no news is better then Bad news right?

Betty~ I'm all set for Thanksgiving and pretty set as far as food goes. I'm keeping food pantires in mind in case that changes. I still haven't spoken to anyone from the ASO, but I will continue to call them. I've also left numerous messages for social services. Maybe they can help me in some way. This is so frustrating for me because I'm a workaholic and not used to this. I'm used to being able to count on a paycheck. But such is life so I have to deal with it.

To all the other ladies, I hope you all have a great day and a great Holiday. No matter what rough times we have faced I believe we always have things to be thankful for. Have a good one girls!!!! I'm off to make my house festive!! ;D

Offline BT65

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Re: Dating Thread Part XI - A November to Remember...
« Reply #87 on: November 21, 2007, 07:27:11 PM »
Good evening ladies:

Well, this is my second attempt to post something.  I really wish this site would get it together.

Cin, I'm not really sure about a certain "amount" of butter and milk for potatoes.  You just put some in, mash, see if it needs more, add, mash etc.  Last year, my niece put an onion in the middle of the turkey and when it was done, chopped up the onion and added it to the potatoes and it was very tastey.  At the Thanksgiving meal at church, someone put shredded cheese on hot mashed potatoes and that was very good also.  I'm sure you'll do fine. 

I just treasure my cat.  She was dropped off at the Pet Refuge here when she was a kitten and was there for two years when I got her.  The two rooms that they have the cats in are huge and full of cats/kittens.  So she had been around a large group of cats for a couple years.  I think that's why she's so nervous. I always tell people she has post-traumatic stress disorder from being there. :D  I'm sure your little Cassie is looking down drooling over what her mommy's going to be making tomorrow.  Just love Cheech!

NY, with social services, again a government organization.  Just keep calling these places until they help you.  They will eventually.  And yes, humor is a great thing.  When my mum was in her last days and still cognisant, we would joke with her and put things on the t.v. that were funny.  She just loved that.

Today I have a warm place to sleep, an abundance of food, people (and a cat) who love me, clean clothes to wear, and good, loving memories of my mum.  And for these things, I'm thankful.  Have a good one ladies-
I've never killed anyone, but I frequently get satisfaction reading the obituary notices.-Clarence Darrow

Offline MOONLIGHT1114

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Re: Dating Thread Part XI - A November to Remember...
« Reply #88 on: November 21, 2007, 09:33:07 PM »
OK, Tom hasn't thawed much and I am trying to iron the tablecloth, lol!  I have SO much to do!  Men just don't understand how much work goes into the details!   :D 

OK, have to go set the table and get the star on the tree.  I'm going to be up before the roosters tomorrow and prob face down in candied sweet potatoes by 4pm!

HAPPY THANKSGIVING TO ALL OF YOU!

Thanks for giving to these threads!

~ Cindy  :-*
HIV+ since '93, 1/12 - CD4 785 and undet.   WOO-HOO!!

Offline Queen Tokelove

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Re: Dating Thread Part XI - A November to Remember...
« Reply #89 on: November 21, 2007, 09:58:44 PM »
Just breezing by...I am sick, I think I have some stomach virus. What goes in one end comes out the other. And I have been leaving offerings to the porcelain god all day. I am also feeling sick to my stomach but the good green has been keeping that at bay. And I am still trying to cook Thanksgiving dinner. My turkey hasn't thawed much either and has been in fridge since Monday. I will also be putting it in the sink in the am.

Rico was suppose to come over but with how I am feeling and trying to cook, I told him not to come. I didn't want to get him sick. But then I get a call from him saying he is at the ER. His back went out on him at work. He is not sure what is wrong and I think when he called they had not called him back there yet.

I am still trying to be a trooper and get this Thanksgiving off without a hitch but it doesn't seem to be turning out that way. Not sure if I will see Rico tomorrow considering, so I may just finish cooking, watch the game and stay in bed.
Started Atripla/Ziagen on 9/13/07.
10/31/07 CD4-265 VL- undetectable
2/6/08 CD4- 401 VL- undetectable
5/7/08 CD4- 705 VL- undetectable
6/4/08 CD4- 775 VL- undetectable
8/6/08 CD4- 805 VL- undetectable
11/13/08 CD4- 774 VL--undetectable
2/4/09  CD4- 484  VL- 18,000 (2 months off meds)
3/3/09---Starting Back on Meds---
4/27/09 CD4- 664 VL-- undetectable
6/17/09 CD4- 438 VL- 439
8/09 CD4- 404 VL- 1,600
01-22-10-- CD4- 525 VL- 59,000
Cherish the simple things life has to offer

The Royal Blog

Offline MOONLIGHT1114

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Re: Dating Thread Part XI - A November to Remember...
« Reply #90 on: November 22, 2007, 12:20:54 AM »
Oh Queen, I am so sorry that you're sick!  This timing stinks!  ....and Rico is at the ER?  Oh girl, when it rains it pours.  Please take it easy on yourself tomorrow and don't push yourself too hard.  Will your roomie be around to help any with the turkey?

Whatever you do, don't let Rico take the turkey out of the oven with that back, lol.   ;D  Hang in there, GF, I wish things were better for you right now.   :-*

Now I am going to crawl into bed, my head is pounding.....Goodnight all.

~ Cindy
HIV+ since '93, 1/12 - CD4 785 and undet.   WOO-HOO!!

Offline BT65

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Re: Dating Thread Part XI - A November to Remember...
« Reply #91 on: November 22, 2007, 06:03:23 AM »
Good morning ladies:I just heard we're supposed to get lake-effect snow today.  That will certainly be different from last year, when, if I remember right, it was in the 50's.  Of course last year, I was at my mum's.   I miss her so much.  It's like sometimes the memories come flooding back and I get very sad.  But, today will be spent with some of my family, so we'll all be there for each other.  My brother-in-law will be picking my dad up and taking his whole oxygen contraption with him to my sister's.  So, hopefully, my dad will be alright today. 

To the cooks, good luck today.  I know the dinners will be perfect.  Cin, Queen, wish we were all together-we all could help with the dinner.  Queen, I hope you're feeling better today.  That sucks, being sick on a holiday.  I hope Rico's back is feeling better.  Good luck to your Cowboys today.  I hope you and Cin's turkeys get thawed! 

Cin, have fun with Iceman today.  I am so glad you have someone to spend Thanksgiving with. 

To all you other ladies, have a great day.  I'm off to check out some more threads, providing this site doesn't kick me off.  HAPPY THANKSGIVING!  I am so thanksful for all of you!
I've never killed anyone, but I frequently get satisfaction reading the obituary notices.-Clarence Darrow

Offline confusedme

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Re: Dating Thread Part XI - A November to Remember...
« Reply #92 on: November 22, 2007, 01:32:51 PM »
I hope you ladies are having a great Thanksgiving. Mine is not going as planned but I did have high expectations for his first holidays home. I started my period this morning so I feel icky. The water has been off here. I'm kinda emotional and almost teary right now and hubby is gone so I'm all alone.
08/13/07 - Diagnosis confirmed
08/30/07 - T-cells 400, VL 6,500 (Baseline)
11/30/07 - T-cells 428, VL 9,950

Offline Queen Tokelove

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Re: Dating Thread Part XI - A November to Remember...
« Reply #93 on: November 22, 2007, 03:39:06 PM »
I guess you can say that I am feeling a little better. Still running to the god and leaving my offerings but not sick to my stomach as much. But I feel totally wiped out. I have been catching little catnaps here and there. I didn't get the turkey in the oven til about 1. No biggie cause I am not expecting a lot of people to show up and the ones that I am expecting will be full by the time they get here. More for me.... ;)

The ER gave Rico a shot for his back and not much else. He has to try to find a primary doctor. He will stop over a bit later after making a few stops elsewhere. He knows I have been sick so I don't have to try to be perky cause about now I am so tired that I am a bit grumpy.

No, Cindy, the only thing my roomie did was wash the turkey, I have done everything else. I guess because I said I was cooking the turkey that she assumed I would do the whole dinner. I'm kinda pissed about it but then again I just want the turkey to come out alright. I have been basting about every half hour. The only thing I have left to make now is the corn and since they bird is just a little over half way done, I still got time. I will prolly be eating around 6ish. I just can't wait for this day to be over so I can fall into a coma and just sleep...
Started Atripla/Ziagen on 9/13/07.
10/31/07 CD4-265 VL- undetectable
2/6/08 CD4- 401 VL- undetectable
5/7/08 CD4- 705 VL- undetectable
6/4/08 CD4- 775 VL- undetectable
8/6/08 CD4- 805 VL- undetectable
11/13/08 CD4- 774 VL--undetectable
2/4/09  CD4- 484  VL- 18,000 (2 months off meds)
3/3/09---Starting Back on Meds---
4/27/09 CD4- 664 VL-- undetectable
6/17/09 CD4- 438 VL- 439
8/09 CD4- 404 VL- 1,600
01-22-10-- CD4- 525 VL- 59,000
Cherish the simple things life has to offer

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Offline Dragonette

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Re: Dating Thread Part XI - A November to Remember...
« Reply #94 on: November 22, 2007, 04:59:22 PM »
Hi all,

Confused, I'm sorry to hear you're upset, or have been upset (also, PMS/period never makes things any easier), I hope so much things will be better soon, I guess the big family thing is in the evening? I don't know what happened but I really hope you feel better ( and/or he gets his act together) soon.

Queen am glad you are better and Rico's better, if not perfect, I'm sure you will have fun tonight. Just be gentle on each other's stomach/back  ;), I know how exauhsting it is trying to cook everything for a huge dinner. But you did it, now you can give yourself a pat on the back and a hot shower.... It's great you're all getting together for the holiday - make sure you don't touch a single dish washing up after the cooking sweatshop...
Had dinner at a restaurant tonight not unlike thxgiving dinner, no turkey, but stew and apple sauce, read cabbage and potatoes. And it's going to be freezing here in the next days too, Betty... Cindy, don't let preperations exauhst you, you're stronger than any dead bird...

My teeth hurt, have to see the dentist. i think might be getting first cavity ever. I have also been stressed, angry, crying, in the last days. Mostly to do with the usual suspects - work stress, future anxiety, lack of esteem. But I am trying to change my outlook and be thankful for all the things I usually take for granted, like Betty wrote.

Hope everyone's turkeys turn out turkeylicious. Almost time to turn in here...

"If you keep one foot in yesterday, and one in tomorrow, you piss all over today". Betty Tacy

Offline Queen Tokelove

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Re: Dating Thread Part XI - A November to Remember...
« Reply #95 on: November 22, 2007, 11:29:28 PM »
Well, at least my team won or I think so. The last time I looked at the score it was 24-3. I guess I might as well come out with it. I broke things off with Rico. It's a long story and I really don't want to get into the details of it but he never showed up for dinner either. After not showing up for dinner and a phone call at 10 pm telling me how drunk he was, well let's just say I didn't feel too appreciated. It was fun while it lasted and I'm hurting like hell about now but I'll get over it. I always do.....

I hope everyone had a better day than I did. Even with the sudden turn of events I still have some things to be thankful for... :-\
Started Atripla/Ziagen on 9/13/07.
10/31/07 CD4-265 VL- undetectable
2/6/08 CD4- 401 VL- undetectable
5/7/08 CD4- 705 VL- undetectable
6/4/08 CD4- 775 VL- undetectable
8/6/08 CD4- 805 VL- undetectable
11/13/08 CD4- 774 VL--undetectable
2/4/09  CD4- 484  VL- 18,000 (2 months off meds)
3/3/09---Starting Back on Meds---
4/27/09 CD4- 664 VL-- undetectable
6/17/09 CD4- 438 VL- 439
8/09 CD4- 404 VL- 1,600
01-22-10-- CD4- 525 VL- 59,000
Cherish the simple things life has to offer

The Royal Blog

Offline BT65

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Re: Dating Thread Part XI - A November to Remember...
« Reply #96 on: November 23, 2007, 06:35:08 AM »
Good morning ladies:

Queen, I'm so sorry that things didn't work out with Rico.  I guess the only words of consolation I can offer right now is better that it ended early on, than later.  I don't think I would have stayed in the relationship either with all the not showing ups he's done.  I would've been highly pissed if he called me drunk on Thanksgiving and didn't even show up for the meal.  BTW, how did the turkey turn out?  I bet it was good. You know we're here for ya girl!

Confused, I hope the rest of your day went well.  Sorry things aren't better for you.

Drag, first cavity ever?  Wow!  That's really good.  I remember when I was a kid, my teeth were horrible.  I had a few root canals, and was always getting cavities.  I've had dentures for so long now, I don't even really remember what a toothache feels like.  Nevertheless, I hope you can get it taken care of soon. 

I'm waiting to hear how Cin's dinner turned out!  I ate like a hog yesterday.  I checked my sugar when I got home (big mistake).  It was 399!  I probably should have taken extra Insulin before I went to my sister's for dinner.  Dinner went well.  We ended up taking dinner to my father.  He just isn't doing good at all.  He has lost so much weight, and he shakes all the time.  He's also started falling.  He's just not real steady on his feet anymore.  And I know he misses my mum horribly.  I feel so bad for him. 

Dinner went well at my sister's.  I saw my niece and great-niece. It's the first time I've seen them in four years.  My niece isolated her and my great-niece from her family.  It's a long story as to why and I won't go into it right now.  So it was really wonderful to see them. The dinner was fabulous.  My sister asked me to pray before we ate, so I did.  And I just totally hogged out.  I made two double-layer pumpkin pies.  The bottom layer has a cool whip/cream cheese mix in it and the top layer is a pumpkin/vanilla pudding/milk/spices mix.  It was good also. 

I can't believe people are out shopping so early in the morning.  Crazy!  I haven't been out shopping on Black Friday since I was a kid and my family used to go.  I wouldn't even want to be out in all of those crowds.  To each his own I guess.  Well, I hope all you ladies have a wonderful day!
I've never killed anyone, but I frequently get satisfaction reading the obituary notices.-Clarence Darrow

Offline cjc

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Re: Dating Thread Part XI - A November to Remember...
« Reply #97 on: November 23, 2007, 07:39:24 AM »
Hello ladies. Hope everyone had a great Thanksgiving. Mine was really good. It consisted of work, eat, sleep and today I have a split shift.  That's okay since Robert's favorite person in the world is home for him to hang out with. My dad , of course. They worked all day yesterday and will probably do the same thing today. We had a bunch of dead  oak branches trimmed yesterday and they are cleaning up the mess.      Betty, my mom is out shopping in the madness. I declined her invitation to go.  I will do my shopping later when it's not so crowded.Sorry about your dad, I remember my Grandpa telling me all he wanted was to go to my Grandma. It hurts but soon he will be happy and healthy again. It's wonderful that until then he has a loving family to See him.                         Queen, sorry about how things worked out with Rico. I bet he missed the best turkey ever made.                                                     Dragonette, sorry you are having teeth problems. I grit my teeth so most of the back ones had to be cut out cause I broke them. I still have all the front ones so I can give my megawatt smile. ;D       As far as my coworker, there are more issues than just my worrying about passing the HIV. He is my dad's age for one thing and he has health problems(blocked arteries), he has surgery scheduled for next Tuesday. i will go visit him Saturday since that is my only day off this week.                                                                              Ml, NYgurl, CM, everyone else, hope ya'll have a great day.     Cristy

Offline Dragonette

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Re: Dating Thread Part XI - A November to Remember...
« Reply #98 on: November 23, 2007, 07:50:57 AM »
Hi all,

Queen, that royally sucks! I am so sorry, and I am glad you broke off with him. It's not like he gave you a choice either. I really feel your pain, but the good thing is you didn't take that BS. He should be ashamed of himself - bet he will be when he wakes with a royal hungover. Never mind. It's not your concern anymore. Dammit I'm angry.
Hope dinner was alright, though I am sure you didn't taste anything.

Cristy am glad you enjoyed your evening with your family. My pain is not serious thank God, but persistent so I need to check it. What I have noticed is that the bottom of two of my teeth - near the gums, in the inner side of the mouth - there is a black stripe. I see the dentist for checkups, I have no idea where this came from. I will know Monday. Don't really trust this guy, don't like how he treats my being poz, but not too many options.

Betty, one minute you have me swallowing tears over the description of your dad. The next I nearly salivated over the keyboard with those pies. Life is a hell of a bittersweet mixture.

catch you all later, take care


"If you keep one foot in yesterday, and one in tomorrow, you piss all over today". Betty Tacy

Offline MOONLIGHT1114

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Re: Dating Thread Part XI - A November to Remember...
« Reply #99 on: November 23, 2007, 10:57:55 AM »
Hi GFs~

Well it sounds like we all had some good eats yesterday, but I was shocked to read about Rico!  What the hell shit was he trying to pull?  It just sounds so damn irresponsible, Queen, and I have no tolerance for that!  Ugh!  I am sorry that you're so upset, but its for the best.  What we see in people when things are new, are just the tip of the iceberg, and actions usually mimic whats under the surface tenfold, whether it be good things or bad.  You don't need to be babysitting, even if he was good in the sack.  Clear that pretty head of yours and move on.  I would have done the same thing as you, kicked him to the curb, with you being sick and preparing a turkey, and then he doesn't show up.   >:(  Grrrrrrrrrrr!

Drag~  I'm sorry to hear that you're struggling with some inner demons.  I get like that sometimes, feeling insecure and upset.  Just think of where we are and how much worse off we could be.  You're right about being grateful, we are living proof about what to be grateful for!  Now what is going on with those teeth?  I am curious as I used to work for a dentist.  Do you get regular check-ups?  I go 2x a year and I have recently started flossing nearly every day.  You have to, its amazing what you'll find when you don't!  LOL   :o  Keep us posted on the dentist visit.

Cristy~  What is the difference in age between you and your co-worker?  I'm thinking 25 years or so?  I dated a guy last spring who turned 53 when I was still 37.  That's the biggest age difference ever for me, and he was one of the nicest men I dated, we really hit it off, but he was just too busy working everywhere.  He umpired for baseball games over the summer in addition to counseling and teaching as well.  I couldn't keep up with him if I tried!  Wish I had that energy!  If you really like this guy at work, perhaps give it a shot, see if he is sincere.  Maybe go on a lunch date and see what he's like away from work.  He may surprise you one way or the other, and then you'll know where to go from there.

Betty~  A blood sugar of 399!  GF I was dosing up insulin all evening and even crashed from 95 and went lower later on.  Call it insulin overload!  I tell you, everything for Thanksgiving Dinner is loaded with sugar and carbs, except for maybe green beans, lol!  Your pies sounded yummy!  I hope your father was content with staying put yesterday.  Sometimes we're more comfortable just staying in familiar surroundings, you know?  I hope he gets some strength back soon.  I have been reading your posts, about you missing your mother, and I am so sorry, I know its only been a short time.  I thought of you a lot yesterday, even while I was peeling potatoes at record speed.   :)   I was sending good energy your way.  I know this is tough with your mom not being here, but if I remember correctly, she lived a good long life, was she 82, when she passed?  She is smiling down on you, BT, so don't you worry... :-*

Hi Confused~  Sorry you were feeling icky and lonely yesterday, that stinks on a holiday.  I hope you made yourself some hot tea, dosed up on ibuprofen, and pampered yourself.  Feel better, sweetie.

Iceman got here at 330pm yesterday and I was stuck in my shirt, getting dressed upstairs, lmao!  I had a nice blouse on that didn't fit well around the bust (ty, lipo) and I was fumbling with the buttons, trying to get OUT of it and change into something else.  This was right about the time when everything had to go full-tilt in the kitchen, all of the last-minute things. 

I had cut the potatoes into very small pieces and they boiled and were ready in about 15 minutes.  Iceman helped with that, and they turned out SO GOOD!  I stuck him over on one end of the counter, where he was adding butter and milk and getting down with the mixer, lol!  He looked so hot, he has one of those REALLY nice butts that guys at the gym have, you know what I mean?  I was thinking about more than just potatoes in that kitchen......We had an entire dutch oven full of mashed potatoes for just the two of us!  The bird was absolutely yummy, I thought I had dried it out, but I basted until I almost fell into the oven, so it was good!  I spent all morning dancing around to tunes on TV from the Macy's Day Parade, getting things ready.  Cheech thought I was nuts, but was very excited at the festivities and goings-on!

I had set up a very romantic table in the center of my living room, complete with linens and china borrowed from my mother.  Iceman and I ate by candlelight and by the lights of the Christmas tree.  He was positively beaming the entire time, smiling at me, coming over to hug me (big table, lol), and also said I was a very good cook.  Wait until my mother hears that one, she'll laugh, but I can cook!  LOL  Iceman says he's stuck now, since I've found another way to his heart -- through his belly.  He absolutely loved the sweet potato casserole, he had never had it with the marshmallows melted on top.  I think he had three servings!

We got the kitchen cleaned up and I made coffee, set out the pumpkin pie and candies, I lit a bunch of tea candles on top of the entertainment center.  It was very romantic.  Hey, and Cheech even got a pan full of Thanksgiving goodies, he was so excited!  :D

Needless to say, we went to bed late and I was woken up early this morning.   :P  Iceman has to work today, but I gave him a shopping bag full of leftovers for lunch.  He left around 915am, and has his daughters this weekend.  He said he'll come back Sunday night.  I don't know how I can wait that long...

I had a wonderful holiday and couldn't be happier!

~ Cindy
« Last Edit: November 23, 2007, 11:00:57 AM by MOONLIGHT1114 »
HIV+ since '93, 1/12 - CD4 785 and undet.   WOO-HOO!!

 


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