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Author Topic: HELP My HIV friend makes it hard for me sometimes....  (Read 7743 times)

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Offline worriedfriend

  • Member
  • Posts: 16
HELP My HIV friend makes it hard for me sometimes....
« on: November 12, 2007, 05:41:31 PM »
My friend has HIV and he has had unprotected sex, but thinks since he's a bottom the risk of the top getting is so close to none. That alone scaries me.  Also, he gets drunk and does whatever and sometimes, I feel he gets trashed cause once he gets trashed he does anything and doesn't remember anything. Kind of like, if I get trashed and do what I want, unprotected sex, then thats okay cause I was trashed, kind of like his escape goat you know. 

Well the new issue, my very good friend who is 18 and I'm 30, I have been looking out for him, I'm married of 8 years MONOGUMOUS.  My hiv friend was trashed the other night and was flirting which is fine, but they made out, sucked each others dick and my hiv friend sucked my friends dick and my hiv friend swallowed which thats close to nothing.  But I'm so so so scaried that when my hiv friend gets trashed and were all hanging out he will have sex and the 18 will do it unprotected my my hiv friend would let him, but it's SO FREAKING hard not to tell my 18 friend, if you screw him WEAR A CONDOM.  Course I say that, but I can't force him, I just wish I could say, my hiv friend-great great guy, is not smart with the sex thing at this point in his life. And I have no right to tell my 18 friend my friend is hiv positive, but it's so scary for me if they do it and he gets it or just the chance of getting it.  I did tell my friend the 18 year old, that my hiv friend is great, but he has WAY too many issues right now to have a relationship and you are way too young at 18.

My hiv friend also has climedia or some other std, that with pills it will go away and I did hear that he sucked his cock and that scares me that now he'll get that as well. I just wish wish wish my hiv friend was more repsonisble, but when he puts my other great friends at risk, its hard for me to sit back and just let it happen you know.

Help or least some words of encouragment. I have come here time and time again and have gotten GREAT repsonses and help.

Thanks
worriedfriend

Offline newt

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  • Posts: 3,885
  • the one and original newt
Re: HELP My HIV friend makes it hard for me sometimes....
« Reply #1 on: November 12, 2007, 07:34:03 PM »
In short, tough

It's his life, his mistakes to make, and, erm, the other guy(s) on the other end.

People make mistakes, or what retrospectively they class as mistakes, in all areas of their life including sex.

You have to put the angst aside, kinda not easy, but that is what true friends are for.

There is nowt wrong in asking a question about safer sex, to open a discussion, it's a good one, I (by virtue of being HIV-positive...hmm) get chosen/elect for this all the time. Typically they know the risks but still take them regardless. The dynamics around risk and reward and neither straightforward nor simple in terms of leading to change, but is a dynamic maybe worth engaging in..as a long game. Perhaps a simple exploratory question like "why do you take risks with your sexual health?" or more tangential even...but it's gotta stay kinda exploratory or you'll get told to take a hike.

The same conversation is useful regardless of HIV status. The sex is always almost in my experience a side issue...

...which brings me back to my opening point...tough it is, and a tough road you tread (such is the path of friendship).

It is nigh on impossible to persuade people that the small risk connected to oral sex is worth a worry, there are limits, enjoyment takes over somewhere << exactly here usually.

Since you are 30 and he (they?) younger he (etc..) expects more from you than being a mate.  It may fall to you to march him to the clinic (without disclosing his HIV status obviously, that is for him).

Perhaps the question is, do you wanna be a friend or an uncle?
 
« Last Edit: November 12, 2007, 07:37:19 PM by newt »
"The object is to be a well patient, not a good patient"

Offline worriedfriend

  • Member
  • Posts: 16
Re: HELP My HIV friend makes it hard for me sometimes....
« Reply #2 on: November 12, 2007, 09:16:32 PM »
My hiv friend knows the risk, but still does it sometimes, he knows its wrong and I have such a hard time keeping my mouth shut, I don't want my new friend to get sick or get anything and if he did I would feel HORRIBLE. But he gets drunk as a skunk, my hiv friend and just does these things.

HELP
worriedfriend

Offline Andy Velez

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  • Member
  • Posts: 24,873
Re: HELP My HIV friend makes it hard for me sometimes....
« Reply #3 on: November 13, 2007, 09:54:57 AM »
Your friend seems to have a mix of problems. If and when he's ready to address them he will. Everyone goes at their own pace.

You can be his friend but you're not his savior or caretaker. Just being his friend will give him some healthy solidity in his life, which seems to be something he could use. 

Listen to him and opportunities may come up when you can be of further help. But without receptivity on his part you're wasting your time. Taking good care of yourself is a good thing to do and sets a good example for others.
Andy Velez

Offline thunter34

  • Member
  • Posts: 7,314
  • His name is Carl.
Re: HELP My HIV friend makes it hard for me sometimes....
« Reply #4 on: November 13, 2007, 10:11:50 AM »
My hiv friend also has climedia or some other std, that with pills it will go away and I did hear that he sucked his cock and that scares me that now he'll get that as well. I just wish wish wish my hiv friend was more repsonisble, but when he puts my other great friends at risk, its hard for me to sit back and just let it happen you know.

Personally, I wish I woulda landed the clap or syph sometime back.  It might have made the whole concept of "yes, I CAN in fact get infected with an STD" stick in my head a bit more.  As it was, with all my trampin' around, I stayed 100% clear of all STD's for years and years.

Until I suddenly came down with the big one.
AIDS isn't for sissies.

Offline dixieman

  • Member
  • Posts: 889
Re: HELP My HIV friend makes it hard for me sometimes....
« Reply #5 on: November 13, 2007, 02:48:58 PM »
Well your friend has no regards for himself less than someone else whose having sex with him... some people are on a Death Wish... age can be a Factor and with being hiv+ he probally just could care less in regards to his future etc.. eventhough Clamidia maybe treatable its wrecks havoc with the immune system... along with hiv he may find out too late that his immune system maybe washed out even with the meds available... I had a friend who never played safe because he was a Top and a Top only... so he dipped his wick into any ole hoe he could find... well today my friend has Herpes... warts... and  he's hiv+ and his weenie is scarred from removal of warts and just is not purty no moe...plus he's brain is half eaten by syphillis... he's now in a mental institution... prognossis does not look good... oh he is only 42...

Offline Matty the Damned

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  • Posts: 12,228
  • Ninja Please
Re: HELP My HIV friend makes it hard for me sometimes....
« Reply #6 on: November 13, 2007, 07:08:16 PM »
Personally, I wish I woulda landed the clap or syph sometime back.  It might have made the whole concept of "yes, I CAN in fact get infected with an STD" stick in my head a bit more.

You wish, pansy.

Matty the Damned copped a dose of the Great Pox (syphilis) when he was 15. It was his very first STD. Such a proud moment in a gay-boy's life. True, I was careful (or maybe just lucky) for the next 18 months but then I came down with ano-rectal gonorrhoea.

I'm surprised it took me as long to get the bum-flu as it did.

MtD

Offline pozwithnegpart

  • Member
  • Posts: 3
Re: HELP My HIV friend makes it hard for me sometimes....
« Reply #7 on: December 21, 2007, 04:27:57 PM »
Dear worried friend! You are not resposible for his behavior. You are however resposible for informing him what consequences his behavior will have for himself and others. That is all you can do!

Offline Roie

  • Member
  • Posts: 263
Re: HELP My HIV friend makes it hard for me sometimes....
« Reply #8 on: January 23, 2008, 01:50:29 AM »
Dear worried friend! You are not resposible for his behavior. You are however resposible for informing him what consequences his behavior will have for himself and others. That is all you can do!

This is a very very wise response.
Cruise on down the High Way

"When people who are not ready jump in, things can go horribly wrong. For most of us, there is always time to take a deep breath, consider one's options and make a careful, sound decision based on clinical fact, not emotion."
MtD

 


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