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HELP My HIV friend makes it hard for me sometimes....

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worriedfriend:
My friend has HIV and he has had unprotected sex, but thinks since he's a bottom the risk of the top getting is so close to none. That alone scaries me.  Also, he gets drunk and does whatever and sometimes, I feel he gets trashed cause once he gets trashed he does anything and doesn't remember anything. Kind of like, if I get trashed and do what I want, unprotected sex, then thats okay cause I was trashed, kind of like his escape goat you know. 

Well the new issue, my very good friend who is 18 and I'm 30, I have been looking out for him, I'm married of 8 years MONOGUMOUS.  My hiv friend was trashed the other night and was flirting which is fine, but they made out, sucked each others dick and my hiv friend sucked my friends dick and my hiv friend swallowed which thats close to nothing.  But I'm so so so scaried that when my hiv friend gets trashed and were all hanging out he will have sex and the 18 will do it unprotected my my hiv friend would let him, but it's SO FREAKING hard not to tell my 18 friend, if you screw him WEAR A CONDOM.  Course I say that, but I can't force him, I just wish I could say, my hiv friend-great great guy, is not smart with the sex thing at this point in his life. And I have no right to tell my 18 friend my friend is hiv positive, but it's so scary for me if they do it and he gets it or just the chance of getting it.  I did tell my friend the 18 year old, that my hiv friend is great, but he has WAY too many issues right now to have a relationship and you are way too young at 18.

My hiv friend also has climedia or some other std, that with pills it will go away and I did hear that he sucked his cock and that scares me that now he'll get that as well. I just wish wish wish my hiv friend was more repsonisble, but when he puts my other great friends at risk, its hard for me to sit back and just let it happen you know.

Help or least some words of encouragment. I have come here time and time again and have gotten GREAT repsonses and help.

Thanks
worriedfriend

newt:
In short, tough

It's his life, his mistakes to make, and, erm, the other guy(s) on the other end.

People make mistakes, or what retrospectively they class as mistakes, in all areas of their life including sex.

You have to put the angst aside, kinda not easy, but that is what true friends are for.

There is nowt wrong in asking a question about safer sex, to open a discussion, it's a good one, I (by virtue of being HIV-positive...hmm) get chosen/elect for this all the time. Typically they know the risks but still take them regardless. The dynamics around risk and reward and neither straightforward nor simple in terms of leading to change, but is a dynamic maybe worth engaging in..as a long game. Perhaps a simple exploratory question like "why do you take risks with your sexual health?" or more tangential even...but it's gotta stay kinda exploratory or you'll get told to take a hike.

The same conversation is useful regardless of HIV status. The sex is always almost in my experience a side issue...

...which brings me back to my opening point...tough it is, and a tough road you tread (such is the path of friendship).

It is nigh on impossible to persuade people that the small risk connected to oral sex is worth a worry, there are limits, enjoyment takes over somewhere << exactly here usually.

Since you are 30 and he (they?) younger he (etc..) expects more from you than being a mate.  It may fall to you to march him to the clinic (without disclosing his HIV status obviously, that is for him).

Perhaps the question is, do you wanna be a friend or an uncle?
 

worriedfriend:
My hiv friend knows the risk, but still does it sometimes, he knows its wrong and I have such a hard time keeping my mouth shut, I don't want my new friend to get sick or get anything and if he did I would feel HORRIBLE. But he gets drunk as a skunk, my hiv friend and just does these things.

HELP
worriedfriend

Andy Velez:
Your friend seems to have a mix of problems. If and when he's ready to address them he will. Everyone goes at their own pace.

You can be his friend but you're not his savior or caretaker. Just being his friend will give him some healthy solidity in his life, which seems to be something he could use. 

Listen to him and opportunities may come up when you can be of further help. But without receptivity on his part you're wasting your time. Taking good care of yourself is a good thing to do and sets a good example for others.

thunter34:

--- Quote from: worriedfriend on November 12, 2007, 05:41:31 PM ---My hiv friend also has climedia or some other std, that with pills it will go away and I did hear that he sucked his cock and that scares me that now he'll get that as well. I just wish wish wish my hiv friend was more repsonisble, but when he puts my other great friends at risk, its hard for me to sit back and just let it happen you know.

--- End quote ---

Personally, I wish I woulda landed the clap or syph sometime back.  It might have made the whole concept of "yes, I CAN in fact get infected with an STD" stick in my head a bit more.  As it was, with all my trampin' around, I stayed 100% clear of all STD's for years and years.

Until I suddenly came down with the big one.

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