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Author Topic: Being POZ and dating someone NEG  (Read 5145 times)

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Offline Jerry71

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  • {Lexiva, Norvir, Complera} Still Breathing!!!
Being POZ and dating someone NEG
« on: November 08, 2007, 11:25:36 AM »
What are your views on this?

How many out there are dating or who have every been with someone that is NEG?

Offline indyguy

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  • Hoosier Boy Single Again.
Re: Being POZ and dating someone NEG
« Reply #1 on: November 08, 2007, 11:29:54 AM »
My bf and I have ried to be together at least 4 times but for me it just doesnt work. I am trying to find someone who is also pos to date but hasnt been easy. Some folks make it work though. Good luck
Meds doing well so far.

Offline MOONLIGHT1114

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Re: Being POZ and dating someone NEG
« Reply #2 on: November 08, 2007, 11:42:36 AM »
Since my husband died in '96, I have done a lot of dating, looking for Mr. Right.  I have joined Match.com a few times over the years.  ALL of my dates have been with neggies except for recently.  I dated a pos guy this summer for about 2 months and it didn't work out. 

I have had three LTRs since '97, and they were all with neggies.  I very recently have started a new relationship with a guy that I met on Match.com, and he is neg.  Turns out he has Hep, so we can both relate to each other.  Who would've thought?  :D  He is reading up on HIV and I am reading up on Hep, we both want to better understand what the other is dealing with.

I think I have found a keeper, but it sure took a lot of toads!

~ Cindy
HIV+ since '93, 1/12 - CD4 785 and undet.   WOO-HOO!!

Offline Mouse

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  • Om nom nom.
Re: Being POZ and dating someone NEG
« Reply #3 on: November 08, 2007, 12:01:44 PM »
If I want to date people within my own age group (I do, really) I don't have much of a choice but to date negative people, so all but one, which was actually my longest relationship, was with negative guys.

I suppose when I'm older it'll get easier for me to seperate them, but to be honest, I've been rejected by guys a lot more for being trans than for being positive, at least when it comes to the idea of an actual relationship and not just sex. I figure that with all the stuff I have to turn people away from me, the guy I wind up with will have to be really, really, really cool.

And that is how I cope with rejections.  ;D

Offline Queen Tokelove

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Re: Being POZ and dating someone NEG
« Reply #4 on: November 08, 2007, 12:08:25 PM »
I have just started dating someone who is neg, never thought I would but shit happens. Because it is so new, I have not disclosed to him yet but plan to when the time is right. I would've preferred to be dating someone poz but hard to find anyone where I am.
Started Atripla/Ziagen on 9/13/07.
10/31/07 CD4-265 VL- undetectable
2/6/08 CD4- 401 VL- undetectable
5/7/08 CD4- 705 VL- undetectable
6/4/08 CD4- 775 VL- undetectable
8/6/08 CD4- 805 VL- undetectable
11/13/08 CD4- 774 VL--undetectable
2/4/09  CD4- 484  VL- 18,000 (2 months off meds)
3/3/09---Starting Back on Meds---
4/27/09 CD4- 664 VL-- undetectable
6/17/09 CD4- 438 VL- 439
8/09 CD4- 404 VL- 1,600
01-22-10-- CD4- 525 VL- 59,000
Cherish the simple things life has to offer

The Royal Blog

Offline cherokeefla

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Re: Being POZ and dating someone NEG
« Reply #5 on: November 08, 2007, 12:37:10 PM »
Just having celebrated my 10 yr hiv anniversary, this post definitely was cause for reflection.  i have had 3 serious relationships during that time and all were neg....the disclosure was the toughest part..nobody wants rejection..and frankly, the 3 people that mattered the most found a way to be okay..but recently, i havnt managed to meet anyone worth taking things to the level of disclosure.  so i guess the bottom line is, just like everything else in life, there are pros and cons to both issues...but in the end, i don't think we can really control with whom we have that certain undeniable connection...
Work like you don't need the money, Dance like nobody's watching, and Love like you've never been hurt.

Offline structuredjen

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Re: Being POZ and dating someone NEG
« Reply #6 on: November 08, 2007, 01:16:09 PM »
...but in the end, i don't think we can really control with whom we have that certain undeniable connection...

:)  I like this- well said cherokee!

as the negative one in a serodiscordant relationship, albiet somewhat new (not the relationship, the diagnosis), I think it's definitely harder on him than it is on me. 

Offline pozattitude

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Re: Being POZ and dating someone NEG
« Reply #7 on: November 08, 2007, 01:37:25 PM »
well let's see...
my very first bf was poz and I was neg back then, and I remained neg after we broke up (this proves you can have a healthy poz/neg relationship SAFE SEX WORKS).
my second bf said he was neg and I found out the hard way he wasn't ( lesson learned don't believe when he says "it's OK to BB, we're exclusive!!!")

after I tested poz my next 2 bf were both neg and it was a problem for me.  One just could not relate, he had that mentality that HIV is just like diabetes   >:( , and the other one decided he didn't want to use condoms anymore (that's when I said "HIV stops with me, please leave and close the door behind you").

Is it possible? Yes, absolutely.
but it all boils down to personal preference.  I want to be with another poz man, but it is my choice and I don't see anything wrong with dating neg men.

Rich
POSITIVE PEDALERS... We are a group of people living with HIV/AIDS, eliminating stigma through our positive public example.

Offline jabez

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Re: Being POZ and dating someone NEG
« Reply #8 on: November 08, 2007, 03:04:55 PM »
Yeah, my girlfriend is negative, and I'm scared to death of infecting her.  Intellectually, I know the "do's" & "don'ts" of how the virus is transmitted, but when you start talking about someone else's health and future -- well, it's scary, and I feel a huge amount of responsiblity to make sure that she stays CLEAN.  (Sorry, had to use everyone's favorite word.) 
Sept 2007 -- CD4 = 68; VL = 469,000
Started Atripla Sept 21, 2007
Nov 2007-CD4=217;VL=332
Feb 2008-CD4=237;VL=<50
Apr 2008-CD4=271;VL=66
Aug 2008-CD4=440;VL=52
Jan 2009-CD4=403;VL=61
May 2009-CD4=480;VL=129
Sep 2009-CD4=376;VL<40
Jan 2010-CD4=476;VL<40
Jul 2010-CD4=539;VL<40
Jan 2011-CD4=461;VL=53
Jul 2011-CD4=515;VL<20
Jan 2012-CD4=506;VL=54
Aug 2012-CD4=440;VL=21
Jan 2013-CD4=447;VL=<20
Jul 2013-CD4=406; VL=<20
Feb 2014-CD4=450; VL=<20
Aug 2014-CD4=535; VL=<20

Offline chemistry001

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Re: Being POZ and dating someone NEG
« Reply #9 on: November 09, 2007, 01:55:39 AM »
My b'f is neg, we got together when i thought i was neg. It has its problems, many problems, however he jas been with me for the last 2 years through all this and i do love him.
Sex is still off the menu for us, part through fear on his behalf but mainly cos he has zero sex drive, he would rather cuddle on the sofa with a mug of tea and a packet of chocolate biscuits.  So i have been given the go ahead to get my rocks off else where  ;D (praise the lord).

Paul xXx
Diagnosed 01/08/06
CD4-9, VL->500,000, CD4% 1
Started on Sustiva/combivir 22/08/06 changed to kivexa 18/09/06
02/10/06
CD4-50, VL-1496, CD4% 5
04/12/06
CD4-112, VL-125, CD4% 7.5
22/02/07
CD4-121, VL-<50, CD4% 9
29/05/07
CD4-125, VL-71,(re-done 149), CD4% 11
25/09/07
CD4 -231, VL-74, CD4% 15
Cant remember the next few dates
17/01/08  Kaletra and Truvada
CD4 - 281, VL-115
06/03/08
CD4 - 287, VL-178

Offline carousel

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Re: Being POZ and dating someone NEG
« Reply #10 on: November 09, 2007, 02:52:32 AM »
I was in a relationship and was the negative partner and remained that way for the whole relationship.

For me it is about whether I would want to be in a relationship and always have to use condoms, which I don't.  So, I think my preference would be for somebody positive.  Having said that, it's been such a long, I mean really long dry period that I'd probably do anyone whatever their status.

Offline Poz Brit

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Re: Being POZ and dating someone NEG
« Reply #11 on: November 09, 2007, 04:11:52 AM »
My partner is negative, and we get by just fine. There is no drama involved; we are now both knowledgeable and aware of the risks with this bug. As long as we are sensible, life is sweet.

John

Offline DanielMark

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Re: Being POZ and dating someone NEG
« Reply #12 on: November 09, 2007, 06:07:45 AM »
My partner is negative, and we get by just fine. There is no drama involved; we are now both knowledgeable and aware of the risks with this bug.

That is my case as well, John. We've been together three years so far. And I had a negative partner for ten years previously. In between, I spent three years regrouping and once I decided to date again I found most of the guys I met were too immature, too self-absorbed, too shallow, or just not a good match for other reasons, none to do with their health status.

Well, in some cases maybe mental health status. ;)

Daniel
MEDS: REYATAZ & KIVEXA (SINCE AUG 2008)

MAY 2000 LAB RESULTS: CD4 678
VL STILL UNDETECTABLE

DIAGNOSED IN 1988

Offline angelofdreams

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  • dreaming away
Re: Being POZ and dating someone NEG
« Reply #13 on: November 09, 2007, 06:28:23 AM »
My Bf is negative.
and to be honest it goes really great,
i have after a few horrid relationships taken the idea of telling ppl straight away about my status.
so to be honest, it can work, it just depends how the other party thinks about it
xxx
angel
To live would be a awefully big adventure

Offline xyahka

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Re: Being POZ and dating someone NEG
« Reply #14 on: November 09, 2007, 06:43:37 AM »
Haven't date anyone seriously since diagnosed, i had some people interested but they were neg and didn't know my status so i automatically rejected them.... Here there is NO education about Hiv and all that, it wouldn't have worked out.

I have tried to meet someone poz, but i just can't find one over here who is not having personal issues with his status....

So i am enjoying my loneliness

Juan Carlos
13/03/07 1er diagnóstico /Peso: 79kg
19/04/07 CD4: 494 /CViral: ?? /Peso: 80kg
19/07/07 CD4: 659 /CViral: ?? /Peso: 79.5kg
06/03/08 CD4: 573 (después de meses muy deprimido) /CViral: ?? /Peso: 79kg
17/09/08 CD4: ?? /CViral: ?? /Peso: 84Kg
06/02/09 CD4: ?? /CViral: ?? /Peso: 85Kg /HCV: Neg /HBV: Neg.
07/03/09 CD4: ?? /CViral: ?? /Peso: 87Kg / Gym 3días/semana y Natación 2días/semana.
12/05/09 CD4: 470 /Cviral: ?? /Peso: 87Kg.
08/07/09 CD4: ? /CViral: ? /Peso: 77Kg.
09/12/09 CD4: 510 /CViral: ? /Peso: 78kg. No medicinas aún
10/01/10 CD4: ? /CViral: ? /Peso: 76Kg.
15/05/10 CD4: 320 /CViral: ? /Peso: 76Kg.
01/02/11 CD4: 291 /CViral: ? /Peso: 78kg.
05/05/11 CD4: 366 /CViral: ? /Peso: 78kg.
27/07/11 CD4: 255 /CViral: 138000 /Peso: 78kg.

Disfrutando y aceptando una nueva vida...

Offline PJC0510

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  • Life is worth living, so live it while you have it
Re: Being POZ and dating someone NEG
« Reply #15 on: November 09, 2007, 08:33:33 AM »
When I tested POZ I was in a relationship and he was neg, and it has for fom him to accept that I was poz, we tried to work it out for a year and I decided to dissolve the realtionship because of the stress involved.  The last time I tested while in the relatinship my TCells dropped 70 points and I was concernd.

I then had the "rebound" guy and I immediately told him I was poz, he was neg.  You all know how the rebound guy goes.  We had a great summer and did many things, the sex was good.  We were careful.  We ended since he was not ready to be with any body, poz or neg.

I am now dating a POZ guy who has been POZ since 1987.  It is working out well. 

To me, if a person likes you for you, then your status should not matter.  If it is a neg, they have to be mature enough to deal with it and edcuated on HIV to know right from wrong during sex.

Good luck to you!

Peace Love and Happiness Always!
I may never beat HIV, but then again, it will NEVER beat me!

Offline srmn98

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Re: Being POZ and dating someone NEG
« Reply #16 on: November 09, 2007, 10:06:23 AM »
My BF is negative, we have been together about 10 months. The longer I stay with him, the less HIV seems to be an overriding issue. Before we met I thought I was done dating (not being dramatic here, that's really what I thought .... it had just been too painful), but his acceptance changed the way I think about people. I think anything is possible if you have a connection with somebody. I have irrational worries sometimes, that somehow I will pass on HIV ... but we take every precaution and I know in my brain that he is safe. That's the most important thing to me. As long as he stays HIV  negative, I'm happy to use condoms, not have exposure during that of the month, and abstain from oral (him on me) until further research is done.

Sara


Offline Buff4evr

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Re: Being POZ and dating someone NEG
« Reply #17 on: November 09, 2007, 11:41:39 AM »
I have to admit being POZ and dating someone POZ does give me a bit of peace of mind, but a POZ guy I recently dated was a control freak so I had to kick him to the curb.  My LTR of 15 years was with a POZ guy and started when I was negative and ended shortly after I seroconverted (the breakup was not initiated by HIV issues -- just another control/abuse issue). 

I've been dating a few guys in the past several months.  After talking about the dating game with friends, I think its all about your tolerance of rejection.  Right now, I feel very confident.  I'm fit, have a great attitude about life and feel I learn a lot from the people I meet.  If I encounter rejection, I just brush it off, and move on.  It helps that I live in L.A. (It's raining men!) 

Some folks I know meet people and tell them up front they are POZ.  I prefer to wait a while.  By waiting, the other guy has a chance to discover something about me they can use as an excuse for rejecting me.  I know there are fearful and mean people out there, but I think people (in L.A. at least) are politically correct enough to avoid stating my being POZ is the reason for rejecting me.

By the way, I know I engaged in risky behavior outside of the relationship with my ex-partner.  I feel more responsible and I think my self-esteem has improved since we split.  As a POZ person, I just hope that any negative guy I'm dating is equally responsible with me and away from me.

Dave

Offline justice3175

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Re: Being POZ and dating someone NEG
« Reply #18 on: November 10, 2007, 02:56:25 PM »
When diagnosed, i was with someone neg for 5 years. It was a bit difficult, as he had health problems of his own - but, he was always paranoid, as well as overbearing and forcing me to see my doctor - like whenever I had the smallest cough. It got really annoying. Needless to say that relationship did not last, but the demise had nothing to do with the disease.

A few months later, i met someone on the web, and disclosed to him my status right away. A few days later we developed a relationship. He, too, is negative, and my diagnosis does not bother him in anyway...he even states that he will not bring it up if I don't wanna talk about it. After 7 months, (in 2 weeks) we will be moving into together - both relocating from 2 different states. Before i met him, I was concerned about telling the next person i dated, because i had never been there before, since I was diagnosed while in the previous relationship. but, with this new guy, it just came out...comfortably, and I was accepted right away. I know it's a rarity, but I have to admit, I am very lucky to have him in my life.

Offline antibody

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  • "every man thinks his burden is the heaviest"
Re: Being POZ and dating someone NEG
« Reply #19 on: November 10, 2007, 03:38:52 PM »
going on 5 years for me and my neg boyfriend.
Timbuk      <50/ 794  CD4 10/06 
                 <50/ 1096 CD4 3/07
                 <40/ 1854 CD4 4/09

Started Atripla  7/14/06
Switched to boosted Reyataz Truvada 3/28/07

*Ask me about Medical Marijuana and how it can help you!*

Offline Jerry71

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  • {Lexiva, Norvir, Complera} Still Breathing!!!
Re: Being POZ and dating someone NEG
« Reply #20 on: November 10, 2007, 05:36:03 PM »
Caution word to the wise. :P Never get to involved with someone until you get to know them fisrt. Warning label posted on forehead. ::)

Offline DCGUY2007

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Re: Being POZ and dating someone NEG
« Reply #21 on: November 10, 2007, 09:26:46 PM »
I have dated poz and negative guys. My experience has been that some negative guys can handle the poz thing better than others. Just depends on the guy

Offline kentb

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Re: Being POZ and dating someone NEG
« Reply #22 on: November 11, 2007, 05:30:10 PM »
I was positive when me and my (still negative) partner started dating 6.5 years ago.  I waited a few months into the relationship before I disclosed.  I would not do it differently if I had it to do over again.  I think you need to get to know someone very well before you put all of your information out there for the whole world to know.

Kent

Offline OMDM

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Re: Being POZ and dating someone NEG
« Reply #23 on: November 12, 2007, 12:37:42 AM »
5 years ago I became infected and my then wife quickly left. After 12 months of bitter legal fights (she threatened public disclosure), we reached a financial settlement.

I didn't date for 9 months and eventually had 3 female relationships.  In 2 of them, I disclosed relatively early and we enjoyed protected sex several times per week.  In both cases, they were honest enough to eventually say that their fears outweighed our "love" and we parted although I still email 1 of them on a regular basis.

I met my "new" wife on the Internet.  Her husband had had a tragic illness which quickly killed him at age 50 (Encephalitis (sp)).  I disclosed on our 3rd date because I knew we would shortly be sleeping together.  Her response was "It doesn't matter - life with someone you love is much more important".  We married 365 days after meeting and have been married a little over 2 years.

We have a lot of protected intercourse - 2 or 3 times a week with total organisms by both people.  I can tell that she likes to ensure that the condom is on but after that has no concerns.

We are both 65+ (65 & 66).  Both on 3rd marriages.

Our sex life is awesome (best I ever had), our discussions of my med's (Atripla) and blood work is totally open and we are "in love" with each other.  She fully believes that we both will live into our 90's.

I hope everyone can find a willing and awesome partner.

Offline RapidRod

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Re: Being POZ and dating someone NEG
« Reply #24 on: November 12, 2007, 05:16:49 AM »
Caution word to the wise. :P Never get to involved with someone until you get to know them fisrt. Warning label posted on forehead. ::)

Thought you knew that already Jerry? Use justa horney bastard.  ;) Jan needs to get ahold of you and get you fixed. :D

Offline MOONLIGHT1114

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Re: Being POZ and dating someone NEG
« Reply #25 on: November 12, 2007, 10:27:36 AM »
We have a lot of protected intercourse - 2 or 3 times a week with total organisms by both people. 

Organisms?    :D  One hell of way to describe it, but a great love story, nonetheless!
HIV+ since '93, 1/12 - CD4 785 and undet.   WOO-HOO!!

Online Miss Philicia

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Re: Being POZ and dating someone NEG
« Reply #26 on: November 12, 2007, 02:36:46 PM »
My last partner was negative.  When I disclosed he didn't even bat an eye, as he'd gone out with several positive guys previous to me (as in fucks, not relationships though).
"I’ve slept with enough men to know that I’m not gay"

Offline thunter34

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Re: Being POZ and dating someone NEG
« Reply #27 on: November 12, 2007, 02:46:13 PM »
Caution word to the wise. :P Never get to involved with someone until you get to know them fisrt. Warning label posted on forehead. ::)

I've long thought I must have some sort of label on my head:

"Best if USED by..."
AIDS isn't for sissies.

Offline Jerry71

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  • {Lexiva, Norvir, Complera} Still Breathing!!!
Re: Being POZ and dating someone NEG
« Reply #28 on: November 12, 2007, 02:49:04 PM »
Yeah sometimes you just got to learn the hard way.

Offline pozattitude

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Re: Being POZ and dating someone NEG
« Reply #29 on: November 12, 2007, 02:57:00 PM »
I've long thought I must have some sort of label on my head:

"Best if USED by..."

I know the feeling, but as I have come to realize, a lot of my past problems with relationships were caused by the fact that I never picked my bf, they picked me... and I take responsibility for it....after I tested positive I did feel less than desirable (depression, stigma about HIV, etc...)  It has been a long journey to get where I am now and Rich ain't nobody's fool anymore....I choose to stay single until the day I meet the man I pick...until then......single life ain't bad (at least for me)  ;D
POSITIVE PEDALERS... We are a group of people living with HIV/AIDS, eliminating stigma through our positive public example.

Offline ACinKC

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Re: Being POZ and dating someone NEG
« Reply #30 on: November 13, 2007, 04:51:30 PM »
I married my neggie!!!!
LIFE is not a race to the grave with the intention of arriving safely
in a pretty and well-preserved body, but, rather to skid in broadside,
thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and loudly proclaiming--WOW! WHAT A
RIDE!!!

Offline allopathicholistic

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Re: Being POZ and dating someone NEG
« Reply #31 on: November 14, 2007, 01:33:06 AM »
speaking only for myself, the +/- thing didn't work out so hot for me. another + would understand many issues better i think

Offline CowboyPOZ

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Re: Being POZ and dating someone NEG
« Reply #32 on: November 14, 2007, 02:20:34 AM »
I have been with my partner for 2-1/2 years now. He is Neg nad I am Poz. He doesn't understand everything that goes on in my head. I don't expect him to understand everythign about me. How boring would it be if your partner knew every little thing that made you tick? He is a little overbearing about if I have a few beers. Then he heads on into the "what are you doing to your body" speech and I have to go hide out atthe fishing hole for a couple hours. I must say his lack of interet in safe sex worries me. I have to stop him everytime and tell him safety is a must, not an option.

Offline brooklynpoz

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Re: Being POZ and dating someone NEG
« Reply #33 on: November 14, 2007, 07:44:18 AM »
My partner & I have are hitting our 4 yr mark. He is neg.
It hasn't been easy, dealing with all that comes with being poz.
But for the most part,with a little sexual modifications, it has been the best relationship that I've ever been in.
Diagnosed, Monday,  8/9/2004, 1ST year was ruff , now I am well adjusted .
Current Med's ; Kaletra & Truvada
Undetecable,<48 ,  531 tcells, 21%
Keeping the faith, that they will get a cure in our lifetime.
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