Quantcast

Subscribe to:
POZ magazine
Newsletters
Join POZ: Facebook MySpace Twitter Pinterest
Tumblr Google+ Flickr Instagram
POZ Personals
Sign In / Join
Username:
Password:
Welcome, Guest. Please login or register.
October 21, 2014, 08:56:55 PM

Login with username, password and session length


Members
Stats
  • Total Posts: 643000
  • Total Topics: 48924
  • Online Today: 252
  • Online Ever: 585
  • (January 07, 2014, 02:31:47 PM)
Users Online

Welcome


Welcome to the POZ/AIDSmeds Community Forums, a round-the-clock discussion area for people with HIV/AIDS, their friends/family/caregivers, and others concerned about HIV/AIDS.  Click on the links below to browse our various forums; scroll down for a glance at the most recent posts; or join in the conversation yourself by registering on the left side of this page.

Privacy Warning:  Please realize that these forums are open to all, and are fully searchable via Google and other search engines. If you are HIV positive and disclose this in our forums, then it is almost the same thing as telling the whole world (or at least the World Wide Web). If this concerns you, then do not use a username or avatar that are self-identifying in any way. We do not allow the deletion of anything you post in these forums, so think before you post.

  • The information shared in these forums, by moderators and members, is designed to complement, not replace, the relationship between an individual and his/her own physician.

  • All members of these forums are, by default, not considered to be licensed medical providers. If otherwise, users must clearly define themselves as such.

  • Forums members must behave at all times with respect and honesty. Posting guidelines, including time-out and banning policies, have been established by the moderators of these forums. Click here for “Am I Infected?” posting guidelines. Click here for posting guidelines pertaining to all other POZ/AIDSmeds community forums.

  • We ask all forums members to provide references for health/medical/scientific information they provide, when it is not a personal experience being discussed. Please provide hyperlinks with full URLs or full citations of published works not available via the Internet. Additionally, all forums members must post information which are true and correct to their knowledge.

  • Product advertisement—including links; banners; editorial content; and clinical trial, study or survey participation—is strictly prohibited by forums members unless permission has been secured from POZ.

To change forums navigation language settings, click here (members only), Register now

Para cambiar sus preferencias de los foros en español, haz clic aquí (sólo miembros), Regístrate ahora

Finished Reading This? You can collapse this or any other box on this page by clicking the symbol in each box.

Author Topic: Am I Ugly? Needy Post  (Read 2777 times)

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

Offline PeteNYNJ

  • Member
  • Posts: 979
  • When life gives you AIDS...make LemonAIDS!
    • Dance for Me, Puppets
Am I Ugly? Needy Post
« on: November 10, 2007, 09:34:55 PM »
So tonight I blogged about my first (and only) boyfriend.  It brought back feelings of being loved and in a relationship.   I honestly think that it is the only one I will be in.  I meet guys, date, then lose interest.  I haven't met a guy who gave me that feeling in like forever.  I know it must be something inside me. My therapist says it is because I believe I don't deserve love.   That is nice..but I ask, "Am I ugly"?  Maybe that is why no one is talking to me at bars, clubs, social events, volunteer events, etc.

Sorry feeling needy tonight

Pete

Offline thunter34

  • Member
  • Posts: 7,314
  • His name is Carl.
Re: Am I Ugly? Needy Post
« Reply #1 on: November 10, 2007, 09:52:30 PM »
Feeling needy tonight?  Yeah...me, too.  I need to know why when I go to clickin' to read this blog of your's, it says "not found". 

I dunno if your therapist is correct about you thinking you don't "deserve love", but I do think there is something to the idea that you are getting what you expect to get. 

But to answer your particular question:  judging from the itty bitty avatar...no, you're not ugly. (imho)
AIDS isn't for sissies.

Offline PeteNYNJ

  • Member
  • Posts: 979
  • When life gives you AIDS...make LemonAIDS!
    • Dance for Me, Puppets
Re: Am I Ugly? Needy Post
« Reply #2 on: November 10, 2007, 10:08:49 PM »
Thanks Tim

I fixed the link   look at my blog all you want

ifucingrule.blogspot.com

Offline AlanBama

  • Member
  • Posts: 3,639
  • Alabama: the 'other' 3rd World Country!
Re: Am I Ugly? Needy Post
« Reply #3 on: November 10, 2007, 10:09:45 PM »
Pete,

It may be true, you may not believe yourself to be "deserving" of Mr. Right.  But one thing I can assure you of, with 100% certainty, you are DEFINITELY not ugly.

Keep looking -- he's out there.   :-*

hugs,

Alan
"Remember my sentimental friend that a heart is not judged by how much you love, but by how much you are loved by others." - The Wizard of Oz

Offline Queen Tokelove

  • Member
  • Posts: 6,033
  • Smokey the Smurf
Re: Am I Ugly? Needy Post
« Reply #4 on: November 10, 2007, 10:43:28 PM »
Well sweetie, we all have our moments when we need to feel needed or loved. I guess it's the human factor. Don't knock yourself for that. Has anyone told you that you look mean? I'm not saying you are but even with your avatar, I would think twice before fucking with you.. ;) I get that a lot too, my roomie presented me with a lighter once with a smiley face but the smiley face wasn't smiling..sorta like this if you will...:| 
She said she gave it to me because I always look serious.

Another thing, have you seen the Addams Family Values movie? If so, remember the part where Wednesday, Pugsley, and the nerdy boy was locked in the cabin and made to watch the movies? Then when they were let out, Wednesday tried to smile and scared the shit out of the rest of the kids. I don't know what made me bring that up but it just came to mind. I guess I am trying to make you smile. Or better yet the saying, and I am full of them...Smile, it makes people wonder what you're up to.... ;D

And one more thing...When Mr. Right does show up, you won't be able to stop smiling. :-*
Started Atripla/Ziagen on 9/13/07.
10/31/07 CD4-265 VL- undetectable
2/6/08 CD4- 401 VL- undetectable
5/7/08 CD4- 705 VL- undetectable
6/4/08 CD4- 775 VL- undetectable
8/6/08 CD4- 805 VL- undetectable
11/13/08 CD4- 774 VL--undetectable
2/4/09  CD4- 484  VL- 18,000 (2 months off meds)
3/3/09---Starting Back on Meds---
4/27/09 CD4- 664 VL-- undetectable
6/17/09 CD4- 438 VL- 439
8/09 CD4- 404 VL- 1,600
01-22-10-- CD4- 525 VL- 59,000
Cherish the simple things life has to offer

The Royal Blog

Offline Matty the Damned

  • Member
  • Posts: 12,228
  • Ninja Please
Re: Am I Ugly? Needy Post
« Reply #5 on: November 10, 2007, 11:16:45 PM »
Yes Pete, you are ugly. But no uglier than Matty the Damned, so don't fret too much. ;) :D

MtD

Offline Queen Tokelove

  • Member
  • Posts: 6,033
  • Smokey the Smurf
Re: Am I Ugly? Needy Post
« Reply #6 on: November 11, 2007, 12:04:15 AM »
Yes Pete, you are ugly. But no uglier than Matty the Damned, so don't fret too much. ;) :D

MtD

What? How dare you talk such blasphemy against yourself, Matty.... ;) Pete, I don't think you're ugly either. Actually you seem nice and thick, just how I like 'em. Too bad you're gay....Can I tempt you over to the dark side or will you shun me like the countless others I flirt with on this site.... ;)

(who flirts shamelessly but never acts on her impulses, that's a Capricorn for ya.) ;D
Started Atripla/Ziagen on 9/13/07.
10/31/07 CD4-265 VL- undetectable
2/6/08 CD4- 401 VL- undetectable
5/7/08 CD4- 705 VL- undetectable
6/4/08 CD4- 775 VL- undetectable
8/6/08 CD4- 805 VL- undetectable
11/13/08 CD4- 774 VL--undetectable
2/4/09  CD4- 484  VL- 18,000 (2 months off meds)
3/3/09---Starting Back on Meds---
4/27/09 CD4- 664 VL-- undetectable
6/17/09 CD4- 438 VL- 439
8/09 CD4- 404 VL- 1,600
01-22-10-- CD4- 525 VL- 59,000
Cherish the simple things life has to offer

The Royal Blog

Offline MOONLIGHT1114

  • Member
  • Posts: 1,918
  • Cheech 2.2.94 - 4.23.10 We miss you so much!
Re: Am I Ugly? Needy Post
« Reply #7 on: November 11, 2007, 01:27:32 AM »
GF~  Do you need back-up?  Cause I think Pete is fine as well, too.  But Pete, I have to agree, if you aren't smiling, you aren't approachable.  I have dated a lot and when looking at someone's profile, if they aren't smiling, they don't seem approachable.  You gots to get your mojo going.  It'll happen.  I agree with Queen, smile, it'll make people wonder what you're up to!

I have often felt undeserving of love and have always tried to justify why people shouldn't do nice things for me.  I have been fortunate enough to meet a nice guy over the past week, have disclosed and we are on our way to bliss.  I mention him, because just tonight I was on the phone with him and I almost brought up this very conversation...."Am I deserving of you?  How am I going to be able to accept someone wanting to help me out when I have been independent and headstrong for so long?"

I have way too much pride and don't "let people in" that easily.  I always have to be the strong one, strong enough for the two of us.  It will be interesting to see if and how my role changes in this relationship, as I try to become more vulnerable and trusting of another.

Now, I hear that Queen has a strap-on that she wants to chase a certain Forum member around with.  Picture THAT, have a good chuckle at our crazy Queen's good intentions, and then take a great picture of yourself.

I double-dog dare you!   :-*

~ Cindy
HIV+ since '93, 1/12 - CD4 785 and undet.   WOO-HOO!!

Offline anniebc

  • Member
  • Posts: 5,942
  • AM member since 2003
Re: Am I Ugly? Needy Post
« Reply #8 on: November 11, 2007, 01:53:32 AM »
Quote
"Am I ugly"?

Absolutely not..I may only be 5ft 1in but I will deck the first person who would even dare think about it let alone say it.. :D

((hugs))
Jan :-*
(who only has beautiful people in her fan club.. ;))
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
Never knock on deaths door..ring the bell and run..he really hates that.

Offline emeraldize

  • Member
  • Posts: 3,353
Re: Am I Ugly? Needy Post
« Reply #9 on: November 11, 2007, 02:21:12 AM »
"Am I ugly"?  Maybe that is why no one is talking to me at bars, clubs, social events, volunteer events, etc.

How about considering this chat with self " Am I too good looking? " and welcome the idea the people at the volunteer events are focused on their pesky tasks. As for the bars, clubs and social events try thinking this one " Am I dancing the best I can? " or " Was this the hottest outfit I coulda pulled from the armoire?"

Oh yes. Do you own a mirror? Just covering the basics.

Offline Buckmark

  • Member
  • Posts: 1,531
  • Would you like to tie me up with your ties, Ty?
    • Henry's Home Page
Re: Am I Ugly? Needy Post
« Reply #10 on: November 11, 2007, 11:31:49 AM »
... I meet guys, date, then lose interest.  I haven't met a guy who gave me that feeling in like forever.  I know it must be something inside me. My therapist says it is because I believe I don't deserve love.   That is nice..but I ask, "Am I ugly"?  Maybe that is why no one is talking to me at bars, clubs, social events, volunteer events, etc.

In a way, you've answered your own question:  "I know it must be something inside me."   It has nothing to do with physical beauty (and I personally think you are a rather attractive man).  What's going on in our minds is often expressed through our body language (crossed arms, scowls or frowns, lack of eye contact, etc.), which can definitely make one unapproachable.  As someone who can go to events like this and feel like I am practically invisible, I struggle with this all the time.  I constantly try to "check in" with myself to make sure that my mind is clear and open, and that my body and demeanor reflects that.  Then I also have to force myself to approach other people, too.

I find it very challenging try to put aside all those negative thoughts  running around in my mind, yet I try hard to do so because I think people can pick up on them.  I've been working on this with my therapist, and I still have more work to do.  It's interesting that one of the questions that pops into your mind is "Am I ugly?" because that question often pops into my mind regarding myself.  Plenty of fodder there for discussion with your therapist.  I'm quite sure that if I think I'm ugly, then other people can pick up on that. 

Regards,

Henry
"Life in Lubbock, Texas, taught me two things:
     One is that God loves you and you're going to burn in hell.
     The other is that sex is the most awful, filthy thing on earth and you should save it for someone you love."
- Butch Hancock, Musician, The Flatlanders

Offline northernguy

  • Member
  • Posts: 1,347
Re: Am I Ugly? Needy Post
« Reply #11 on: November 11, 2007, 11:36:33 AM »
You look hot from where I'm sitting.  But I think we'd all need some more scantily clad pics to make a definitive decision. ;)
Apr 28/06 cd4 600 vl 10,600 cd% 25
Nov 8/09 cd4 510 vl 49,5000 cd% 16
Jan 16/10 cd4 660 vl 54,309 cd% 16
Feb 17/10 Started Atripla
Mar 7/10 cd4 710 vl 1,076 cd% 21
Apr 18/10 cd4 920 vl 268 cd% 28
Jun 19/10 cd4 450 vl 60 cd% 25
Aug 15/10 cd4 680 vl 205 cd% 27
Apr 3/11 cd4 780 vl <40 cd% 30
Jul 17/11 cd4 960 vl <40 cd%33
April 15/12 cd4 1,010 vl <40 cd% 39
April 20/12 Switched to Viramune + Truvada
Aug 2/12 cd4 1040, vl <40, cd% 38
Oct 19 cd4 1,110 vl <40 cd% 41

Online Miss Philicia

  • Member
  • Posts: 24,209
  • celebrity poster, faker & poser
Re: Am I Ugly? Needy Post
« Reply #12 on: November 11, 2007, 11:59:55 AM »
Personally I feel slightly silly going to dance clubs once I passed 40, though I did go to one last May mostly because I'm friends with the DJ.  I danced a little... but wasn't so into it.

Anyway, I can't tell if you ugly with that tiny avatar -- and Queen was on point in that it looks a bit mean, though I would have said "serious." 

I took some more lipo documentary pictures of myself yesterday and surprised myself by smiling in a couple of them.  Alas, the ones where I didn't smile looked wretchedly trollish.  But hey, at least I can blame Zerit.

For some odd reason I still get cruised on the street, though perhaps I'm mistaking it for abject looks of horror.

ANYWAY PLEASE PROVIDE MORE PIXPLZ
"Iíve slept with enough men to know that Iím not gay"

Offline Dachshund

  • Member
  • Posts: 5,968
Re: Am I Ugly? Needy Post
« Reply #13 on: November 11, 2007, 12:12:04 PM »
Pete you promise to support me in the lifestyle I've become accustomed to and I will shower you with compliments, you, you, you, Brad Pitt look-alike, you. ;D

You look great sweetie.

Offline pozguy75

  • Member
  • Posts: 1,239
    • POZitively Speaking
Re: Am I Ugly? Needy Post
« Reply #14 on: November 11, 2007, 12:25:53 PM »
No you are not ugly! You are a HOT guy, who is dealing with some ugliness in his life...You do deserve to be loved and I think you will find it when you are not looking...IMHO.

There are a lot of frogs out there, and some of them give you warts...but is in all fairy tales...you're handsome prince is just around the corner looking for you too!
Dx 2005
ATRIPLA

Offline BT65

  • Global Moderator
  • Member
  • Posts: 9,974
Re: Am I Ugly? Needy Post
« Reply #15 on: November 11, 2007, 04:51:03 PM »
You are not a bad looking man.  Take it from someone who has seen TONS of men and knows how to tell ugly ones from good-looking ones, which would include you.  I might tend to agree with, what are you telling yourself about yourself?  I also agree with the body language thing.  We often reflect how we feel by our body language.  I have to work on mine all the time.  Just a thought....
I've never killed anyone, but I frequently get satisfaction reading the obituary notices.-Clarence Darrow

Offline heartforyou

  • Member
  • Posts: 1,105
  • I must be a survivor in many ways...
Re: Am I Ugly? Needy Post
« Reply #16 on: November 11, 2007, 05:39:49 PM »
IF you were ugly then you could still be attractive.

Could it be that you never found closure from that one and only love?

And yes, I do recognise that " I don't deserve a love that chooses for me for who I am".

Have you been able to grieve over your lost relations?

How was your family situation? Were you loved by your family?
 
I don't want to be nosy, but these are just some questions I am struggling with these days....and thought they might help.

hug

hermie
Diagnosed in 1987 and still kicking
Viread, Kivexa (Epzicom),Viramune once daily

Happiness is the freedom of breathing fresh air every day.

Offline a2z

  • Member
  • Posts: 193
Re: Am I Ugly? Needy Post
« Reply #17 on: November 12, 2007, 12:45:11 AM »
My therapist says it is because I believe I don't deserve love.   That is nice..but I ask, "Am I ugly"?  Maybe that is why no one is talking to me at bars, clubs, social events, volunteer events, etc.

Sorry feeling needy tonight

Pete

Wow, you hit on a couple of familiar themes for me.

My therapist gave me a slip of paper and told me to tape it to my computer monitor or mirror and say it every day for 30 days.  When I first read it, I couldn't help but laugh.  He said it was because I didn't believe it... yet.

"I am a neat and worthwhile person who deserves to be loved, first by myself, and then by others."

I wasn't laughing after 30 days.  It worked.

The other theme is that of neediness.  I think most people, if they see neediness (perceived as weakness) in a bar, they are instantly turned off.  Men, in particular, like a challenge.  Yeah, it's a stereotype, but I think one with some truth to it.  And the ones who find neediness a turnon... well, I see them as potential creeps who might try to control a person.

I think if you said to yourself "I don't need a boyfriend, but someone deserves me as one." before going to the bar, you might do better.  That, and uh.. smile.  But not too much. :)

If Lyle Lovett can score Julia Roberts, you certainly should have no problem scoring another boyfriend.
Dates are blood draw dates:
9/4/14: CD4 948, 37.9%, VL 150
5/23/14: CD4 895 --.-% VL UD - Truvada/Isentress
09/21/09: CD4 898 27.0% VL 120 - back on track, same meds.High level enzymes, but less so
06/15/09: CD4 478 21.8% VL 1150 - high liver enzymes... looks like I may not be resistant
05/22/09: Fixed insurance, resumed medicine
04/17/09: Ran out of medicine, could not resolve insurance problems
04/01/09: CD4 773 28% VL 120 - high liver enzymes
12/01/08: CD4 514 23% VL 630
10/17/08 started Reyataz, Norvir and Truvada. -- possibly minor neuropathy, but otherwise okay.
9/10/08: CD4 345 17%, VL > 78K
8/18/08: CD4 312 18%, VL > 60K (considering meds)
12/19/07: CD4 550 28% VL > 100K (no meds yet)
Diagnosed 10/23/07

Offline PeteNYNJ

  • Member
  • Posts: 979
  • When life gives you AIDS...make LemonAIDS!
    • Dance for Me, Puppets
Re: Am I Ugly? Needy Post
« Reply #18 on: November 12, 2007, 02:45:31 PM »
Thanks for the comments.  I needed it.  Feeling better today.  Went out last night and actually met a nice guy.  So we'll see where this goes.

Check out my blog if you want to see other pics of me  ifucingrule.blogspot.com  (spelled wrong intentionally)

You are all right with your comments about this is something  I need to get over.  I am working on it but it is hard when you feel a certain way and can't remember ever not feeling that way. 

Thanks again for your thoughts.   always appreciated

Pete

Offline mamaangie

  • Member
  • Posts: 13
Re: Am I Ugly? Needy Post
« Reply #19 on: November 13, 2007, 06:32:16 AM »
First of all, you are hot! And don't apologize for feeling needy. That's why we are here. To ease the loneliness. Though it's not as good as a warm body. I'm missing the touch of someone else myself. I just started talking to my ex, and it has made me miss him. But I keep reminding myself why we broke up in the first place. Sorry, there are no good answers for easing heartache. It definately doesn't help to know that time helps, 'cause all it does is make the pain bearable. But hang in there. Talk to us often.

 


Terms of Membership for these forums
 

© 2014 Smart + Strong. All Rights Reserved.   terms of use and your privacy
Smart + Strong® is a registered trademark of CDM Publishing, LLC.