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Re: Greeting from yet another newbie


Hi Emma, the only thing I think I can offer is to reply. I know the feeling of wanting to see at least someone responding, but we need to be realistic on what a bullatine board can do.

I have seen a number of people suffering long, hard and lonely for different illnesses, most recently one of my aunts who died of breast cancer. She was never calm about it and spent the last few months of her somewhat stable condition complaining and generally giving a hard time to everyone who came to see her, right up to the moment when she began to fall into a coma and shortly afterward passed away.

I saw all these people suffering and now I am forced to face my own mortality, I am beginning to think that - what's the difference? Like my aunt and a few relatives before me, my dad included, they were all tormented by different illnesses before they died. We all have to get through with it somehow. The sense of tragedy is a relative one really - like, would I rather be told I had some sort of cancer or HIV, both with no chance of complete recovery and my health situations in the near future can be, at worse, impairing or, at best, unpredictable?

Then I realize now that it's all about our my fears and social stigma. I suppose if I had some sort of cancer I could tell everyone, be brave about it and would be told that I was a cancer-fighting hero. People would feel sorry for me more readily; but with HIV? In any case what's been the most difficult thing is getting back some sense of a "normal life". How much longer it will take me to not think about it 24 hours a day and be able to concentrate at work again? I know, it's only been a few days and I am still waiting for my big blood test.. but then I am not known to have much patience  :)


Welcome to the forums, Emma.

I live in Canada so I have no idea about resources you might seek in the US. Hopefully others here can offer you some information about that.



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