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Author Topic: Confessions of the Inadequate: Bad Sex Stories  (Read 4974 times)

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Offline Matty the Damned

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Confessions of the Inadequate: Bad Sex Stories
« on: November 05, 2007, 05:21:26 PM »
Not unlike our AMI forum, now there's a place the sexually hopeless can share their embarrassments.

Matty the Damned's favourite line? Surely it has to be this one:

bad sex is being heart broken gettin drunk and having a harelip shit in your shower.

MtD

Offline newt

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Re: Confessions of the Inadequate: Bad Sex Stories
« Reply #1 on: November 05, 2007, 05:35:43 PM »
Bad sex is vomming on your trick's cock n saying "do you mind if I go back down or would you prefer a Wetwipe" (as a famous-in-my-hometown DJ said to me...)

- matt
"The object is to be a well patient, not a good patient"

Offline Matty the Damned

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Re: Confessions of the Inadequate: Bad Sex Stories
« Reply #2 on: November 05, 2007, 05:46:07 PM »
Ah yes. Being favoured by a lover's technicolour yawn is always a downer. I also think there is much to be said for the good old fashioned gay crunchy fuck.

MtD

Offline 404error

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  • Posts: 431
Re: Confessions of the Inadequate: Bad Sex Stories
« Reply #3 on: November 05, 2007, 06:36:18 PM »
My Worst Sexual Experience Ever

So I was meeting up with this girl whom I'd been throwing it into for a solid couple of months by this point.  She had broken up with her boyfriend and we were just having some fun.  I show up one night and before you know it we're both naked and I'm pounding her pretty hard.  It should be noted at this point that I'm not wearing a condom.  We had agreed to be monogamous, both went to the STD clinic and were tested and felt it would be more fun to be able to just go at it whenever, wherever.  Anyways, we have sex, I cum OH OH OH OH OOOOOOOOOOOOOO!  The end.  We move to the living room to smoke a doob and have a cigarette.  We're chatting, laughing and next thing you know my busy hands are getting busy once again.  I am touching some of her tasiter lady parts with my hands, she's into it, tells me to keep going so I do.  I've got my fingers in there pretty deep and she's into it, I thought I felt something but figured it was a skin fold or something...  she's getting close now, closer, cloooseerrrr and then she lets me know she's gonna cum!  OOOOOOOOOOOOOO!  I pull my fingers out only it's not just my fingers that I've pulled out.  Apparently she had been plowed by some other dude the night before and he had worn a condom, he just happened to leave it behind so to speak...  I've never fished anything out of there before.  I was really glad I hadn't gone down on her, which was unusual because I almost always do that everytime.  Pulling another mans used condom out of your bootycalls vagina is such a moodkiller...  Good for laughs though, good for laughs...
A social critic who promotes equality...

Offline Matty the Damned

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Re: Confessions of the Inadequate: Bad Sex Stories
« Reply #4 on: November 05, 2007, 06:49:37 PM »
I created this thread with exactly you in mind, Up. ;)

MtD

Offline 404error

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Re: Confessions of the Inadequate: Bad Sex Stories
« Reply #5 on: November 05, 2007, 06:52:47 PM »
Thanks man! 
A social critic who promotes equality...

Offline anniebc

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  • AM member since 2003
Re: Confessions of the Inadequate: Bad Sex Stories
« Reply #6 on: November 05, 2007, 08:07:48 PM »
Sorry if this is going to spoil your fun boys, but

UpAllNight..I found your post to be quite disgusting, not to mention the disrespect you show towards the lady in question...I'm guessing the Monogamus relationship you talked about didn't work out..lucky lady I say.

You could have told the guys about the condom with a dozen words or less without all the graphic details about how you eventually found it.

If you want to have fun by all means do so..but please a bit less of the graphics, there are young people and ladies reading these forums..it's not a forum for just guys...please remember that when telling your stories...thank you.

Hugs
Jan :-*
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
Never knock on deaths door..ring the bell and run..he really hates that.

Offline Matty the Damned

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Re: Confessions of the Inadequate: Bad Sex Stories
« Reply #7 on: November 05, 2007, 08:43:45 PM »
Sorry if this is going to spoil your fun boys, but


It's cool Janno, you've haven't harshed Matty the Damned's buzz. ;)

MtD

Offline Queen Tokelove

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  • Posts: 6,033
  • Smokey the Smurf
Re: Confessions of the Inadequate: Bad Sex Stories
« Reply #8 on: November 05, 2007, 09:24:34 PM »
Up, uh, you're my dog and all but after that description of your night, I almost had flash backs...But I just wanted to comment on one thing you had said.....

Anyways, we have sex, I cum OH OH OH OH OOOOOOOOOOOOOO!  The end. 

It definitely would've been the end alright. You got yours and left her hanging so to speak..Not cool... :-\
Started Atripla/Ziagen on 9/13/07.
10/31/07 CD4-265 VL- undetectable
2/6/08 CD4- 401 VL- undetectable
5/7/08 CD4- 705 VL- undetectable
6/4/08 CD4- 775 VL- undetectable
8/6/08 CD4- 805 VL- undetectable
11/13/08 CD4- 774 VL--undetectable
2/4/09  CD4- 484  VL- 18,000 (2 months off meds)
3/3/09---Starting Back on Meds---
4/27/09 CD4- 664 VL-- undetectable
6/17/09 CD4- 438 VL- 439
8/09 CD4- 404 VL- 1,600
01-22-10-- CD4- 525 VL- 59,000
Cherish the simple things life has to offer

The Royal Blog

Offline 404error

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  • Posts: 431
Re: Confessions of the Inadequate: Bad Sex Stories
« Reply #9 on: November 06, 2007, 02:15:37 AM »
Quote
not to mention the disrespect you show towards the lady in question...I'm guessing the Monogamus relationship you talked about didn't work out..lucky lady I say.

Umm, you realize that it was her running around on me right?  Also, you'll notice that since I failed to make her climax during sex that I did my best to make sure her needs were still taken care of...  lucky lady indeed!

Quote
It definitely would've been the end alright. You got yours and left her hanging so to speak..Not cool...

I finished her needs off after the fact.  I always make sure a woman has at least one orgasm, I mean, it's a guarantee that I'm gonna have one 100% of the time so the least I can do is try my hardest to hook a girl up, so to speak...  ;)
« Last Edit: November 06, 2007, 02:19:15 AM by UpAllNight »
A social critic who promotes equality...

Offline anniebc

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  • Posts: 5,956
  • AM member since 2003
Re: Confessions of the Inadequate: Bad Sex Stories
« Reply #10 on: November 06, 2007, 03:00:06 AM »
Quote
Umm, you realize that it was her running around on me right?  Also, you'll notice that since I failed to make her climax during sex that I did my best to make sure her needs were still taken care of...  lucky lady indeed!

Personally I don't care who did the running around..I'm asking you not to be disrespectful towards women in genreal..your post was obscene and uncalled for.

Quote
this girl whom I'd been throwing it into

disgusting and disrepectful

Quote
and I'm pounding her pretty hard

again disrespectful and uncalled for.

As I said before there are ladies here who read the forums and I'm sure they don't want to hear you talk about women like that...so think before you post again and show some respect when posting...This discussion is finished as far as I'm concerned, I don't need to hear any more about your sex life..it doesn't interest me.

Jan

« Last Edit: November 06, 2007, 03:02:03 AM by anniebc »
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
Never knock on deaths door..ring the bell and run..he really hates that.

Offline 404error

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  • Posts: 431
Re: Confessions of the Inadequate: Bad Sex Stories
« Reply #11 on: November 06, 2007, 04:07:37 AM »
My Worst Sexual Experience Ever - REDUX

I was meeting up with this intellgent and empowered young Woman whom I'd entered into a mutually beneficial and always respectful relationship with.  She had broken up with her boyfriend and after much discussion, we decided that we would engage in a consensual relationship of an adult nature.  I arrived at her home one rainy Vancouver night and in no time at all we were both naked and expressing our love in a beautiful and deeply moving manner that left no party feeling subjugated.  It should be noted at this point that I was not wearing a condom.  We had agreed to be monogamous, both went to the Public Health clinic to be tested and felt it would be more fun to be able to just express ourselves physically whenver the consented moment arrived.  While engaged in coitus that was so considerate Andrea Dworkin herself would have endorsed it, I unfortnately buckled to my biological shortcomings and finshed before ensuring that the lady in questions' needs were adequetely met.  We moved to the living room to partake of some marijuana cigarettes as well as Marlie or two.  We were chatting, laughing, and next thing you know my hands had begun to wander.  Before getting too carried away I made sure that this advance was welcomed (which it was) and thus I was able to continue.  I was stimulating her manually and she appeared to be quite receptive, even shouting out words of encouragement.  She was building towards climax and eventually did reached the peak.  I discontinued my handiwork only to find that a used prophylactic had somehow appeared.  Apparently she had been engaged in relations with another gentleman on the previous night and he neglected to properly dispose of his condom.  Pulling another mans used condom out of your partners reproductive organ is no laughing matter. 
A social critic who promotes equality...

Offline Matty the Damned

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  • Posts: 12,244
  • Ninja Please
Re: Confessions of the Inadequate: Bad Sex Stories
« Reply #12 on: November 06, 2007, 04:17:00 AM »
My Worst Sexual Experience Ever - REDUX

I was meeting up with this intellgent and empowered young Woman whom I'd entered into a mutually beneficial and always respectful relationship with.  She had broken up with her boyfriend and after much discussion, we decided that we would engage in a consensual relationship of an adult nature.  I arrived at her home one rainy Vancouver night and in no time at all we were both naked and expressing our love in a beautiful and deeply moving manner that left no party feeling subjugated.  It should be noted at this point that I was not wearing a condom.  We had agreed to be monogamous, both went to the Public Health clinic to be tested and felt it would be more fun to be able to just express ourselves physically whenver the consented moment arrived.  While engaged in coitus that was so considerate Andrea Dworkin herself would have endorsed it, I unfortnately buckled to my biological shortcomings and finshed before ensuring that the lady in questions' needs were adequetely met.  We moved to the living room to partake of some marijuana cigarettes as well as Marlie or two.  We were chatting, laughing, and next thing you know my hands had begun to wander.  Before getting too carried away I made sure that this advance was welcomed (which it was) and thus I was able to continue.  I was stimulating her manually and she appeared to be quite receptive, even shouting out words of encouragement.  She was building towards climax and eventually did reached the peak.  I discontinued my handiwork only to find that a used prophylactic had somehow appeared.  Apparently she had been engaged in relations with another gentleman on the previous night and he neglected to properly dispose of his condom.  Pulling another mans used condom out of your partners reproductive organ is no laughing matter.


Up,

You might think you're being clever, but you're not. Really mate, back out now while you still can.

MtD

Offline 404error

  • Member
  • Posts: 431
Re: Confessions of the Inadequate: Bad Sex Stories
« Reply #13 on: November 06, 2007, 04:18:24 AM »
but I smoked a fatty and can't stop laughing... I love weed!
A social critic who promotes equality...

Offline anniebc

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  • Posts: 5,956
  • AM member since 2003
Re: Confessions of the Inadequate: Bad Sex Stories
« Reply #14 on: November 06, 2007, 05:11:23 AM »
Ok you have had your fun...but no-one likes a smart ass, this is not a game it's about respecting the forums and it's members so therefore I'm giving you a TO of 7 days...I've asked you a couple of times to show respect and you have failed to do so.

Jan
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
Never knock on deaths door..ring the bell and run..he really hates that.

Offline david25luvit

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  • Posts: 1,409
  • Member since March 2005
Re: Confessions of the Inadequate: Bad Sex Stories
« Reply #15 on: November 07, 2007, 07:28:27 AM »
Hmmm....OK!
In Memory of
Raymond David McRae III
Nov. 25, 1972- Oct. 15, 2004
I miss him terribly..........

Offline 404error

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  • Posts: 431
Re: Confessions of the Inadequate: Bad Sex Stories
« Reply #16 on: November 13, 2007, 03:22:58 PM »
woo hoo!  no more suspension!
A social critic who promotes equality...

Offline Queen Tokelove

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  • Posts: 6,033
  • Smokey the Smurf
Re: Confessions of the Inadequate: Bad Sex Stories
« Reply #17 on: November 13, 2007, 04:45:37 PM »
woo hoo!  no more suspension!

Welcome Back, sweetie...Now you behave yourself.... ;)
Started Atripla/Ziagen on 9/13/07.
10/31/07 CD4-265 VL- undetectable
2/6/08 CD4- 401 VL- undetectable
5/7/08 CD4- 705 VL- undetectable
6/4/08 CD4- 775 VL- undetectable
8/6/08 CD4- 805 VL- undetectable
11/13/08 CD4- 774 VL--undetectable
2/4/09  CD4- 484  VL- 18,000 (2 months off meds)
3/3/09---Starting Back on Meds---
4/27/09 CD4- 664 VL-- undetectable
6/17/09 CD4- 438 VL- 439
8/09 CD4- 404 VL- 1,600
01-22-10-- CD4- 525 VL- 59,000
Cherish the simple things life has to offer

The Royal Blog

Offline 404error

  • Member
  • Posts: 431
Re: Confessions of the Inadequate: Bad Sex Stories
« Reply #18 on: November 13, 2007, 04:52:11 PM »
I'll try but I can't make any promises...
A social critic who promotes equality...

Offline Queen Tokelove

  • Member
  • Posts: 6,033
  • Smokey the Smurf
Re: Confessions of the Inadequate: Bad Sex Stories
« Reply #19 on: November 13, 2007, 04:57:34 PM »
Don't make me have to come over there and spank you now!!!! I know you would like that..... ;)
Started Atripla/Ziagen on 9/13/07.
10/31/07 CD4-265 VL- undetectable
2/6/08 CD4- 401 VL- undetectable
5/7/08 CD4- 705 VL- undetectable
6/4/08 CD4- 775 VL- undetectable
8/6/08 CD4- 805 VL- undetectable
11/13/08 CD4- 774 VL--undetectable
2/4/09  CD4- 484  VL- 18,000 (2 months off meds)
3/3/09---Starting Back on Meds---
4/27/09 CD4- 664 VL-- undetectable
6/17/09 CD4- 438 VL- 439
8/09 CD4- 404 VL- 1,600
01-22-10-- CD4- 525 VL- 59,000
Cherish the simple things life has to offer

The Royal Blog

Offline ajm_ldn

  • Member
  • Posts: 69
Re: Confessions of the Inadequate: Bad Sex Stories
« Reply #20 on: November 16, 2007, 08:07:40 PM »
Way to go Up.  LOVED your story.   ;D

 


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