Quantcast

Subscribe to:
POZ magazine
E-newsletters
Join POZ: Facebook MySpace Twitter Pinterest
Tumblr Google+ Flickr MySpace
POZ Personals
Sign In / Join
Username:
Password:
Welcome, Guest. Please login or register.
July 28, 2014, 04:50:17 AM

Login with username, password and session length


Members
Stats
  • Total Posts: 632066
  • Total Topics: 47855
  • Online Today: 201
  • Online Ever: 585
  • (January 07, 2014, 02:31:47 PM)
Users Online

Welcome


Welcome to the POZ/AIDSmeds Community Forums, a round-the-clock discussion area for people with HIV/AIDS, their friends/family/caregivers, and others concerned about HIV/AIDS.  Click on the links below to browse our various forums; scroll down for a glance at the most recent posts; or join in the conversation yourself by registering on the left side of this page.

Privacy Warning:  Please realize that these forums are open to all, and are fully searchable via Google and other search engines. If you are HIV positive and disclose this in our forums, then it is almost the same thing as telling the whole world (or at least the World Wide Web). If this concerns you, then do not use a username or avatar that are self-identifying in any way. We do not allow the deletion of anything you post in these forums, so think before you post.

  • The information shared in these forums, by moderators and members, is designed to complement, not replace, the relationship between an individual and his/her own physician.

  • All members of these forums are, by default, not considered to be licensed medical providers. If otherwise, users must clearly define themselves as such.

  • Forums members must behave at all times with respect and honesty. Posting guidelines, including time-out and banning policies, have been established by the moderators of these forums. Click here for “Am I Infected?” posting guidelines. Click here for posting guidelines pertaining to all other POZ/AIDSmeds community forums.

  • We ask all forums members to provide references for health/medical/scientific information they provide, when it is not a personal experience being discussed. Please provide hyperlinks with full URLs or full citations of published works not available via the Internet. Additionally, all forums members must post information which are true and correct to their knowledge.

  • Product advertisement—including links; banners; editorial content; and clinical trial, study or survey participation—is strictly prohibited by forums members unless permission has been secured from POZ.

To change forums navigation language settings, click here (members only), Register now

Para cambiar sus preferencias de los foros en español, haz clic aquí (sólo miembros), Regístrate ahora

Finished Reading This? You can collapse this or any other box on this page by clicking the symbol in each box.

Author Topic: Has anyone been in this place before? Help!  (Read 2857 times)

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

Offline med forum

  • Member
  • Posts: 76
Has anyone been in this place before? Help!
« on: November 05, 2007, 08:58:46 AM »
Without going into a million details, would anyone have any advice or previous experience
in the following.......(If you read some of my previous posts I go into some detail about my serodiscordant relationship with my boyfriend of 3 years.)

I have been his number one supporter through the last year and a half since his diagnosis and within the last 4 months found out that he had cheated on me. We've had a great relationship with a lot of trust
but he's had so much on his plate (especially in the last 10 months).

My question is.....why would he have opened the door to potentially jeopardize our relationship? What would have drove him to do this? I have tried to talk to him about it but he either gets very emotional or just completely shuts off and locks himself up emotionally. Would anyone have the slightest clue? I'm struggling to comprehend this?

Please help
Peace & health

Offline Andy Velez

  • Global Moderator
  • Member
  • Posts: 24,384
Re: Has anyone been in this place before? Help!
« Reply #1 on: November 05, 2007, 10:31:41 AM »
There are lots of reasons why he is doing what he's doing and not wanting to talk about it either.

What you need to do is make sure you are taking good care of yourself. You might contact an AIDS serivce organization in your area and see if they offer counseling. Both group and individual settings might be helpful to you.

In the meantime make sure your partner knows you are available to talk. This is not easy stuff to deal with so make sure that you are getting the help you need. And you're welcome to talk here as much as you want to.

Cheers,
Andy Velez

Offline perspiry

  • Member
  • Posts: 40
  • Le Comtesse de Vache
    • My Best Fiend
Re: Has anyone been in this place before? Help!
« Reply #2 on: November 06, 2007, 01:21:09 PM »
"Yeah" to what philly said and also remember life is life is life.  Shit happens, as they say.

Your boyfriend's HIV status may or may not have anything to do with his infidelity.  The issue stands by itself unless he states a connection.  Just because he's poz doesn't cut him slack on 100% of his actions.  He's a responsible adult as are you.  I hope that doesn't sound cold or unsupportive. 

As for his ability or willingness to talk, is discussing relationship issues an activity the two of you do or have done before?  My ex-ex never could discuss anything but I later decided the main reason was he took "carpe diem" too literally and didn't want to think about or plan for tomorrow together.  That's not what I attribute to your BF, certainly, only an example. 

If you've been together 3 years I guess you have discussed other situations and issues but this one is still too raw or scary or XXXXX for him to talk about.  You know him best so think about what you need now and try to negotiate a compromise or wait if that strategy might make things worse, but that depends on your needs/feelings. 

If nothing else let some time pass and see how he acts.  If something is going on with him it will probably surface again.  Sometimes we don't need to discuss an issue so much as learn from it and if you can trust him and he doesn't violate that trust again his mistake may help strengthen your relationship.  Again, another example, not a prediction.

I joined the forums a week or so ago and haven't read your previous posts so if anything above is too off my apologies. 

Good luck,

JA
If I'd been thinking I would have chosen Tangina as my forum moniker.

Offline justice3175

  • Member
  • Posts: 24
Re: Has anyone been in this place before? Help!
« Reply #3 on: November 11, 2007, 12:31:35 AM »
In 2002, i was diagnosed with the virus, while starting a new relationship with someone negative. About 14 months later, I cheated on him with someone else. There were several reasons as to why:

1. There were problems in our serodiscordant relationship. He was pulling himself away from me emotionally. He wouldn't even kiss me for fear of his old skool ways of thinking. I, myself, was suffering through a depression, still, even a year after the diagnosis, trying to grasp my whole meaning and purpose of life (that actually never went away while in that relationship).

2. I was getting involved with someone who did nott know I had the disease, and if he didn't know I had it, that meant it never existed. (No worries - we never did anything risky...even he got paranoid when he found out just because I kissed him.) Basically, to me, it was an escape.

3. there is only 1 reason why people cheat (as an expert cheater, I know) and this reason is because something is MISSING in the relationship. In my case, it was communication, as well as intimacy and affection.

I am now in a new relationship, and we have made a pact that if we feel there is anything wrong in our relationship, whatsoever, we will tell each other, to avoid the straying...

 


Terms of Membership for these forums
 

© 2014 Smart + Strong. All Rights Reserved.   terms of use and your privacy
Smart + Strong® is a registered trademark of CDM Publishing, LLC.