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Author Topic: Adopting poz children  (Read 2843 times)

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Offline Dragonette

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Adopting poz children
« on: October 30, 2007, 06:38:48 AM »
Has anyone here ever considered adopting a poz child? Have you heard of anyone who did it?

"If you keep one foot in yesterday, and one in tomorrow, you piss all over today". Betty Tacy

Offline Florida69

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Re: Adopting poz children
« Reply #1 on: October 30, 2007, 10:57:06 AM »
That would be totally an awesome thing to do.  I have considered it, but there are limitations.  I have heard like in Russia for example that the poz children are left in hospitals because most of the time they are unadoptable. I will be interested in reading more about this.  D
Nothing in the world can take the place of Persistence. Talent will not; nothing is more common than unsuccessful men with talent. Genius will not; unrewarded genius is almost a proverb. Education will not; the world is full of educated derelicts. Persistence and determination alone are omnipotent. The slogan 'Press On' has solved and always will solve the problems of the human race.
Calvin Coolidge

Offline Dragonette

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"If you keep one foot in yesterday, and one in tomorrow, you piss all over today". Betty Tacy

Offline butterfly

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Re: Adopting poz children
« Reply #3 on: October 30, 2007, 11:21:19 AM »
Yes, really would be an awesome thing to do.  However, we were not given the chance.

We were informed by the agency conducting our home study exactly one week after my husband disclosed his HIV status to our worker that they were not going to continue our home study.  Of course they did not say it was because of the HIV, they gave reasons that were on our initial application that they had okay'd months before and we had already gone through PRIDE classes, turned in all other paperwork, done repairs on our home, had physicals (my husband's ID doctor gave a glowing supportive letter along with his physical).  We also had glowing references including those from my children.  Several statements the worker made really made me feel even more so it was because of the HIV...she asked me the week he disclosed to her about my health, and when I said it was fine she said "Oh good, we need at least one of you to live for 20 years."  I tried to explain at this time again about my husband's prognosis and she said "Oh, I know, I know."  Obviously she did not believe it.  Then when she let us know they would not be completing the home study, I asked about international adoption and she said "Oh, yes!  That would be a good idea!  Some of those countries don't even LOOK at health!"  Well, health was not the reason they gave us to stop the home study.

Since that time, I have talked to several other agencies saying up front about the HIV regarding international adoption and have not found one willing to work with us.  Again, of course, they don't SAY it is because of the HIV...I believe the official response from one was "The countries we work with would not accept a dossier with issues such as the ones you describe."

We really feel for the poz kids as if this is how they treat adults, they obviously are not current on their information about hiv.

Butterfly

Offline Florida69

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Re: Adopting poz children
« Reply #4 on: October 30, 2007, 11:56:15 AM »

But I don't know if the US will allow the adoption of a poz kid... immigration might not give them status. Or entry for that matter.

I would love to do that too one day.



That is so funny, I have already done the research on this.  I am in the legal field and have given this a lot of thought.  Thanks for the information.  D
Nothing in the world can take the place of Persistence. Talent will not; nothing is more common than unsuccessful men with talent. Genius will not; unrewarded genius is almost a proverb. Education will not; the world is full of educated derelicts. Persistence and determination alone are omnipotent. The slogan 'Press On' has solved and always will solve the problems of the human race.
Calvin Coolidge

Offline next2u

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Re: Adopting poz children
« Reply #5 on: October 31, 2007, 01:46:19 AM »
wow, that is really fucking amazing. i know hear in the states they have a hard time adopting out black kids. and i know of gay couples that do adopt hiv positive children. but i am absolutely appalled by the stories above. man, talk about shit to bring up to our politicians. yeah, i know its a marginal political concern, but who fucking better to raise these kids than someone who understands what hiv means. of course, this won't eliminate neg peeps from the process, but to ban otherwise healthy people is ludicrous. wait, am i totally missing something?

are they not allowing the adoptions because we have shorter life expectancies? or is it because we have a higher chance of becoming disabled and not able to fend for ourselves or our brood? wtf - cause all that shit is posited on an assumption - any of those things could happen to any body.

damnit, the discrimination will never end. i guess they'd rather have these kids become wards of the state then give them a loving fucking home. god damnit, now im really pissed. ill look into this on my end. i'm not surprised about the international adoption problem, i know up until recently the u.s. would not allow poz people to become citizens. i dont know if it still the same (like bush would change that) but i'm sure that applies to children as well.

anyhow, good luck on your journey, you've just inspired/awakened another fighter for your cause. i hope this works for you - and the children. please, keep us informed.
midapr07 - seroconversion
sept07 - tested poz
oct07 cd4 1013; vl 13,900; cd4% 41
feb08 cd4  694;  vl 16,160; cd4% 50.1
may08 cd4 546; vl 91,480; cd4% 32
aug08 cd4 576; vl 48,190; cd4% 40.7
dec08 cd4 559; vl 63,020; cd4% 29.4
feb09 cd4 464; vl 11,000; cd4% 26
may09 cd4 544; vl 29,710; cd4% 27.2
oct09 cd4 ...; vl 23,350; cd4% 31.6
mar10 cd4 408; vl 59,050; cd4% 31.4
aug10 cd4 328; vl 80,000; cd4% 19.3 STARTED ATRIPLA
oct10 cd4 423; vl 410 ;); cd4% 30.2
jun11 cd4 439; vl <20 ;); cd4% 33.8 <-Undetectable!
mar12 cd4 695; vl ud; cd4% 38.6
jan13 cd4 738; vl ud; cd4% 36.8
aug13 cd4 930; vl ud; cd4% 44.3
jan14 cd4 813; vl ud; cd4% 42.8
may14 cd4 783; vl *; cd4%43.5

Offline puertorico2006

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Re: Adopting poz children
« Reply #6 on: October 31, 2007, 03:13:57 AM »
Obvioously im not thinking about adopting any child any time soon  but in the future I would like to (since i doubt ill have any of my own). I would definatly consider adopting an HIV+ child since treatment is getting better with time, and they deserve a loving home...

-Josh
(who is too crazy for kids now)
Infected Probably: may 2005
Diagnosed: 11/2006

11/28/2006 CD4:309 / VL: 1907 No meds yet
12/27/2006 CD4:339/  VL:1649 No meds yet
  4/28/2007 CD4:550/  VL:1800 No meds :-)

Offline Dragonette

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Re: Adopting poz children
« Reply #7 on: October 31, 2007, 03:38:21 AM »
i know of gay couples that do adopt hiv positive children

can you please tell a little more about that and what that process entails? are the couples American, did they adopt American poz kids, or if not where are they from? was it difficult?
thx in advance.
"If you keep one foot in yesterday, and one in tomorrow, you piss all over today". Betty Tacy

Offline next2u

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Re: Adopting poz children
« Reply #8 on: November 01, 2007, 12:58:08 AM »
shit, it may take a moment for me to get that info. it was in a book i came across on gay families. a white male couple adopted 2 african american boys. i read the story about 4 years ago. the 2 boys were born to hiv positive mothers, im not sure what the serostatus of the boys was, but this was as close as i could get. i tried to find the information through my school library just a moment ago, but i wasn't able to. i will ask my group moderator about this too.

sorry for not offering a more conclusive answer at this time. i will get back to you in the near future.
midapr07 - seroconversion
sept07 - tested poz
oct07 cd4 1013; vl 13,900; cd4% 41
feb08 cd4  694;  vl 16,160; cd4% 50.1
may08 cd4 546; vl 91,480; cd4% 32
aug08 cd4 576; vl 48,190; cd4% 40.7
dec08 cd4 559; vl 63,020; cd4% 29.4
feb09 cd4 464; vl 11,000; cd4% 26
may09 cd4 544; vl 29,710; cd4% 27.2
oct09 cd4 ...; vl 23,350; cd4% 31.6
mar10 cd4 408; vl 59,050; cd4% 31.4
aug10 cd4 328; vl 80,000; cd4% 19.3 STARTED ATRIPLA
oct10 cd4 423; vl 410 ;); cd4% 30.2
jun11 cd4 439; vl <20 ;); cd4% 33.8 <-Undetectable!
mar12 cd4 695; vl ud; cd4% 38.6
jan13 cd4 738; vl ud; cd4% 36.8
aug13 cd4 930; vl ud; cd4% 44.3
jan14 cd4 813; vl ud; cd4% 42.8
may14 cd4 783; vl *; cd4%43.5

Offline pozattitude

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Re: Adopting poz children
« Reply #9 on: November 01, 2007, 11:00:16 AM »
you can adopt an American born HIV poz child, but only if you are straight.

There is this couple in Florida that adopted (or was it foster care) many HIV+ kids, the first one was a baby and had AIDS, but some unexplained reason (you may call it miracle) the boy is now 16 or 17 and HIV-.....anyway, the couple now lives in Oregon because the Florida Courts wanted to take the kids from them because "gay men are not fit to be parents" by Florida law (YES IT IS IN THE LAW BOOKS IN FLORIDA).
Long story short, when the kids were sick and needed all the love and attention they could get, the Florida system had no place for them, but after 2 gay men nursed the kids to health the "great" state of Florida decided they weren't fit to be parents. >:( >:( >:( >:( >:( >:( >:( >:( >:( >:( >:( >:( >:( >:( >:( >:( >:(

Rich
(who was born in Florida and feels ashamed of his homestate)
POSITIVE PEDALERS... We are a group of people living with HIV/AIDS, eliminating stigma through our positive public example.

Offline mikeyleerocks

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Re: Adopting poz children
« Reply #10 on: November 01, 2007, 10:17:31 PM »
This whole topic resonates on one I wanted to post myself....I would love to adopt children but I feel that the older I get the slimmer the possibility...now I'm poz, another obstacle...and not in a long'term relationship.....I'd love to hear more about the realistic options available out there.  I live in a high 40's state, by which I mean  we're behind the curve on most programs, but I'd love to hear from an hiv poz couple who've had  luck with adoption.
Nobody ever asked to be happy later

Offline minismom

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Re: Adopting poz children
« Reply #11 on: November 25, 2007, 01:42:06 PM »
I know this is an old thread, but I was looking for another thread and came acrossed this one.  As most of you know, dh and I have 6 children.  Our #3, Mini, who is now 7, was born HIV+.  When we got the call about her, we were told that the "lady" had AIDS and schizophrenia.  Mini had yet to be tested.  We brought her home from the hospital when she was 3 days old.  At the time, our other children were 3yrs old and 8 1/2mths.  We had no idea what we were getting into.  We just knew that she was meant for us.  We had her tested on her 6wk birthday and got the news on her 8wk birthday.  Life for Mini has not been easy.  She was dealt a real hum-dinger-doozy of a resistant mega-virus.  She was very sick for a long time. She had a broviac placed when she was a year old. DH and I had to run IV meds at home many times for gram negative bacterial blood infections.  Due to her inutero contraction, she was also born w/ decreased mylenization that left her w/ multiple disabilities. She started OT, PT, and speech when she was 8mths old.  She didnt' walk until she was 2 and said her 1st word ("ball") at 26mths old. She has secondary dx of CP, diabetes, dyslexia, apraxia, long term and short term memory issues.  She was tested 2 1/2wks ago for sickle cell, lupus, and RA.  She's having another MRI on 1/2/09 to check for inflammatory demylenization neuropathy and will then have a nerve conduction test to check for distal sensory neuropathy.  She also has lipidystrophy and lipidatrophy.  Childhood illnesses, runny noses, putting things in her mouth, live virus shots (which she's never had), play dates, wearing gloves during diaper changes, remembering not to kiss boo-boos better,  and the ever dreaded chicken pox were enough to put me in therapy.  She and her siblings are all homeschooled.  She spent 1 semester in kindergarten and contracted pneumonia 3 times.  They also were doing nothing to have her tested for her learning issues.  She's been home ever since and is making great (slow) strides.

BUT....

She takes dance lessons, LOVES riding on roller coasters, can sled down a mean hill, colors, plays, has friends, argues w/ her siblings, is totally spoiled, and in most ways is a very typical 7yr old little girl.  There are great challenges that come w/ raising an HIV+ child.  There is also great joy.  DH and I had to "find" our way in the dark.  Her PID was a wonderful support.  My family has been a huge support as has our church.  Feel free to IM me w/ any questions...we're happy to share.

Mum
www.watoto.com
www.MotherBearProject.org
"Whichever way you throw me, i will stand"
"Don't worry about the world coming to an end today...it's already tomorrow in Australia"  Charles Schultz

Offline mjmel

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Re: Adopting poz children
« Reply #12 on: November 27, 2007, 05:24:20 AM »
Wow, minismom, that read has me in tears. Amazing responses and responsibilities that your family have dealt with!
What a fortunate meeting of souls. God bless you all for being such TROOPERS. Mini has the best parents she could possibly have.
Could have sent you a private PM but wanted this expressed openly, as well.
Hugs to mini, mum, DH.

Referring to Rich's post....HBO did a documentary on those two Florida gay dads. This went all the way to the Supreme Court.
We Are Dad (2005, Indie-Film, dir. Michel Horvat, 68 min). Steven and Roger Croteau, a gay male couple for eighteen years, looking ordinary, raise many foster children with HIV, but cannot adopt children because Florida law prohibits adoption by homosexuals. They passed the background check to become foster parents, and found a paradox: they made a "dumping group" for black kids with HIV, but state law, based on the "birthright" of a child to a mother and father, would not let them adopt. Even conservative politicians call what the two men do "commendable" but won't give in on that biological mother and daddy thing. One kid converted back to sero-negative and was taken away. Eventually the couple moved to Oregon and had to fight to keep the kids' health insurance. The film certainly makes the point about the shortage of heterosexual adoptive parents. The state of Florida keeps trying to find adoptive homes for special needs children, and indeed the point is made that if 1% if Evangelical families would take one in, the gay couple wouldn't be needed. Florida is trying to take one boy away (NY Times story by Dana Canedy.)  A Hispanic man (White looking) says he is insulted by the fact that gays have the same claims of hardship and discrimination as other "legitimate" minorities.  Rosie O'Donnell 's  cruise for gay families is shown at the end. They are taunted by "Baptists" from the Bahamas. 
This film (from a political point of view) bridges AIDS and gay families as normally separate issues since a gay male couple is taking care of foster children who got AIDS probably from their mothers at childbirth, who themselves were probably infected by needles or heterosexual contact."
xxx,
Mike
« Last Edit: November 27, 2007, 05:52:52 AM by mjmel »

Offline emeraldize

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Re: Adopting poz children
« Reply #13 on: November 28, 2007, 09:30:35 PM »
Hey look what's cookin' in Florida! This relates to the sad post above regarding the Florida couple who weren't permitted to adopt. If you're in Miami on December 3rd, this would be a fine effort to support. You can Google for more info as to location, etc.

Florida: On Dec. 3, the Senate Committee on Children, Families and Elder Affairs will hold a public hearing in Miami to discuss foster care and adoption issues. Equality Florida is urging for a strong turnout because it will be the only opportunity the South Florida community will have to speak directly to the committee that has the power to end Florida’s ban on gay and lesbian adoption.

Offline indyguy

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Re: Adopting poz children
« Reply #14 on: November 29, 2007, 10:11:02 AM »
This is a great thread! I also want to adopt a kid someday. I will be following this one.
Meds doing well so far.

 


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