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Author Topic: scared  (Read 4956 times)

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Offline Claire86

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scared
« on: October 29, 2007, 07:34:28 PM »
I was out of town with friends for a football game and ended up getting seperated from them for about a 2 hr time span. I know I ended up talking to a guy at some point (that I don't know), but I ended up at a safety zone getting hooked up with my friends. I don't remember this time span at all. I was in a public place (that was crawling with people) the whole time to my knowledge. I only had 2-3 drinks, so I am worried I was drugged or something. I am very anxious that something happened with this guy at the time I was gone from my friends-however, I came back with all my undergarments, had no vaginal or rectal soreness, no one noticed I was disheveled(my hair was still up in a clip like it had been before), etc. The only thing missing was a belt, but I had a dress on and had cut out the hooks earlier.  Do I need to be concerned about this? Would it be safe to say nothing happened-that something more would be amiss?  I know I was at the safety zone at least 30-45 minutes out of that time span, I am just terrified that something happened, but I think I would have remembered SOMETHING. Could he have penetrated me without me remembering anything and there be no evidence?  Would transmission be a possibility? Do I need to get tested, PEP? Tomorrow would be the last possible day I could start PEP I think. I did go to the ER and they checked me out, didnt notice any vaginal tearing, and gave me a prescription for other STDS, but not HIV.  Please help! Thanks in advance.

Offline Claire86

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Re: scared
« Reply #1 on: October 29, 2007, 07:55:25 PM »
Could someone please respond? I am in a panic. I really haven't eaten or slept at all since this happened.I just need to know if I need to test or not and what my risk was.

Offline RapidRod

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Re: scared
« Reply #2 on: October 29, 2007, 08:07:10 PM »
You would have known if you would have had vaginal or anal sex. No, you don't need to test.

Offline Claire86

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Re: scared
« Reply #3 on: October 29, 2007, 08:10:32 PM »
Thanks for your response-so this is a NO risk situation? There's no possible way to not remember that, even if I was blacked out?

Offline RapidRod

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Re: scared
« Reply #4 on: October 29, 2007, 08:12:35 PM »
Even if you had blacked out, you would have known.

Offline Claire86

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Re: scared
« Reply #5 on: October 29, 2007, 08:14:11 PM »
Ok-thanks for your responses. It really does ease my mind.

Offline Andy Velez

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Re: scared
« Reply #6 on: October 29, 2007, 09:50:44 PM »
I don't see any evidence from what you are reporting that intercourse occured. In the kind of circumstances you are talking about there would certainly be evidence of some sort that would have indicated to you or to the doctor who examined you that sex had occured.

As far as testing is concerned I don't see any need for that. This is really about feelings and not facts.

Cheers,
Andy Velez

Offline Claire86

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Re: scared
« Reply #7 on: October 29, 2007, 10:05:10 PM »
Andy,

Thanks for your response. There were bruises on my thighs that I don't think were there before as well, but I could have fallen or something. Like I said, the doctor said she didn't see any tearing, but it was hard to tell because I was on my period. The guy at the safety zone reported to me the next day that I came up by myself(stood there for about 10 minutes), some guy walked up to me afterwards, we talked a little bit, and he came inside to use a phone because his wasn't working. I don't see how we could have left and come back, or taken me away from the area and brought me back to meet my friends if he were going to do something like that to me. I also dont see how we could have left somewhere, him to have done someting to me, and then brought me back in that amount of time. It's been about 6 months since I last had sex, which makes me think there would have been soreness or something, and it would have had to be forced if I don't remember it. I know these are a lot of what ifs, but I am still really worried and wondering if I should do anything more. She gave me Plan B, antibiotics for other STD's, and did a pelvic exam at the hospital. I know I am probably overreacting, but in your opinion, and with this additional information, you don't see how a) it is possible that intercourse occurred or B)Could anything else have occurred in your opinion without me remembering it happening? ie, oral sex. Thanks again

Offline Claire86

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Re: scared
« Reply #8 on: October 29, 2007, 10:24:31 PM »
Anyones response-not just Andy-would be greatly appreciated.

Offline Claire86

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Re: scared
« Reply #9 on: October 30, 2007, 07:30:17 AM »
I am not trying to be offensive, but could someone please respond to my last question? Ann, Rapid Rod, Andy, anyone? I am still very concerned. Thanks again.

Offline Ann

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  • It just is, OK?
    • Num is sum qui mentiar tibi?
Re: scared
« Reply #10 on: October 30, 2007, 07:54:26 AM »
Claire,

This is just plain silly. If something happened to you that would have put you at risk for hiv infection, you'd know.

If you can't handle alcohol and/or drugs, don't do them.

This is NOT an hiv situation. Please see a counselor about it if you cannot stop your imagination from running riot. This is not the appropriate place for you to work through your imagined issues.

Ann
Condoms are a girl's best friend

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"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline Claire86

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Re: scared
« Reply #11 on: October 30, 2007, 10:28:20 AM »
So this is absolutely a NO risk situation? Someone here would tell me if I even needed to test over this?

Offline Ann

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    • Num is sum qui mentiar tibi?
Re: scared
« Reply #12 on: October 30, 2007, 11:06:13 AM »
Clair,

You did NOT have a risk and you do NOT need to test.

Ann
Condoms are a girl's best friend

Condom and Lube Info  



"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline Claire86

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Re: scared
« Reply #13 on: October 30, 2007, 05:27:45 PM »
So PEP is not necessary? I just need to know becauese today/tonight is literally the last time for me to take it, and I REALLY don't want to regret not doing something if this HIV can be prevented, or possibly prevented, with HIV. Advice?

Offline Claire86

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Re: scared
« Reply #14 on: October 30, 2007, 05:28:22 PM »
With PEP I meant (the last part)

Offline Matty the Damned

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Re: scared
« Reply #15 on: October 30, 2007, 05:32:17 PM »
You don't need to test dear, so why on earth would you need to take PEP?

MtD

Offline Claire86

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Re: scared
« Reply #16 on: October 30, 2007, 06:38:10 PM »
Matt-so you agree with Ann, that is is a NONEXISTANT risk. I mean, not even a 1% chance that anything happened?

Offline Matty the Damned

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Re: scared
« Reply #17 on: October 30, 2007, 06:43:15 PM »
Yes Claire, I agree with Ann. It's a non-existant, 0% risk.

Seriously.

MtD

Offline Claire86

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Re: scared
« Reply #18 on: October 31, 2007, 04:32:05 PM »
Matty, Ok, but I was thinking today..I have had sex before and NOT been sore the next day.. Would my friends have noticed most definitely if something else was off? Would something else have HAD to be amiss(hair messed up, clothing missing, etc.)  if I had had intercourse? Like I said, even if I was blacked out, I would STILL for sure have known something had happened? I would remember something or felt different the next day? I know I am probably overanxious about this, believe me, I have been popping xanax like crazy. But I can't stop thinking about it.. Please help!

Offline Ann

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    • Num is sum qui mentiar tibi?
Re: scared
« Reply #19 on: October 31, 2007, 06:20:43 PM »
Clair,

I'm thinking you need to take this up with your mom or dad or a teacher or someone you feel you can trust. If you have serious concerns that you were assulted, then you need to tell someone.

If you're just naive, then Claire, believe us, if someone had full sexual intercourse with you in a sports arena setting, you would have found grass or dirt stains on your clothing in obvious places like elbows, knees or back. If you were so out of it that you can't remember what happened, it's not likely you were able to remain standing during the assult. Your underware would be torn or missing (as you had a dress on). Your bra might have been pushed up or unhooked. Clair, you'd know something happened. If someone came inside your rectum or vagina, you'd be noticably wet between your legs and if you still had your undies on, they would have been wet and stained.

Again, if you have serious reason to believe you were assulted, then you need to tell someone and get the proper attention. From what you've told us, it sounds as though nothing happened. You'll have to decide from here. Only you know the state of your knickers after the big game.

Ann
Condoms are a girl's best friend

Condom and Lube Info  



"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline Claire86

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Re: scared
« Reply #20 on: November 01, 2007, 07:52:55 AM »
Ann, it was actually after the game- in a big open bar type place. Ive never had unprotected sex, but its safe that i would feel wet or sticky the next day, that would feel different from being on my period? I came back with my underwear, and u really think i would have left them somewhere, etc? Also, with the state i was in, you said i wouldnt have been able to have sex standing up, therefore come back with my hair in a clip like it had been before. Responses from anyone would be appreciated-thanks again.

Offline Claire86

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Re: scared
« Reply #21 on: November 01, 2007, 08:31:47 AM »
does anyone else here have any insight? I wouldnt be asking if i wasant consumed with anxiety.. If it helps at all, the guy that helped me at the safety zone also said I never looked disheveled.. And if i had sex, i would have HAD to look somehwat disheveled, right??

Offline Claire86

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Re: scared
« Reply #22 on: November 01, 2007, 08:48:57 AM »
btw, i know you guys are probably getting frustrated with me, but i have called my therapist and juat waiting ro hear back, i just need some assurance in the meantime. Thanks

Offline Ann

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  • It just is, OK?
    • Num is sum qui mentiar tibi?
Re: scared
« Reply #23 on: November 01, 2007, 08:50:46 AM »
Claire,

If you were on your period when this alledged assult took place, there would have been blood where it didn't belong - smeared on your lower belly or buttocks, for example. You know, I have been assulted in the past and dear, you'd know if you were. Believe me. You wouldn't have to speculate or imagine it.

Keep posting about this no risk incident and I'll have no choice but to give you a time out. This is not the appropriate place for you to work through your feelings regarding your inability to handle your drugs/alcohol. Please see your therapist about this, we cannot help you here.

Ann
Condoms are a girl's best friend

Condom and Lube Info  



"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline Claire86

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  • Posts: 23
Re: scared
« Reply #24 on: November 02, 2007, 03:07:14 PM »
Thank you for your responses. I have spoken to my doctor, who says that she THINKS I would have at least had some vaginal soreness the next day if something had really happened to me. Would you guys agree with this? Andy? Anyone?  No one ever really responded to that question about things being "amiss". I would like to add I am seeking treatment for my alcohol abuse, and am doing everything I know to get better. I really am trying, but any responses would be appreciated, as I am still very concerned. Is there any way there would NOT be ANY signs of assault? Thanks again.

Offline Andy Velez

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Re: scared
« Reply #25 on: November 02, 2007, 03:11:44 PM »
You need to give up on all of these "what ifs" and just one more question.

The real issue and one that I am happy to read you are addressing is dealing with your alcohol problem. That's a very wise move on your part to work on that.

This is not an HIV situation. Period.
Andy Velez

Offline Claire86

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Re: scared
« Reply #26 on: November 04, 2007, 09:08:58 AM »
Thank you for your response-It does give me some peace of mind, however, I am now having frequent headaches and trouble eating and sleeping. I am also having some kind of vaginal discharge-however, my doctor informed me with Plan B sometimes that can cause one to bleed after taking it. Could this be signs of another STD, or of HIV? I know symptoms are never reliable in terms of HIV, so would it be safe to assume that they couldn't possibly be related, since I was a "0% risk" in the first place?

Offline Claire86

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Re: scared
« Reply #27 on: November 04, 2007, 09:41:13 AM »
Andy? Ann? Matty? I have been up almost all night, and I have told myself OUT LOUD, "Nothing Happened" over and over. I feel like I am going crazy, but I cant control these thoughts.

Offline Claire86

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Re: scared
« Reply #28 on: November 04, 2007, 09:59:49 AM »
I would just like some reassurance to help get me through this waiting period...

Offline RapidRod

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Re: scared
« Reply #29 on: November 04, 2007, 10:07:18 AM »
Waiting period for what? You didn't have an HIV situation or risk and don't need to test, so you don't need any further reassurance.

Offline Claire86

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Re: scared
« Reply #30 on: November 04, 2007, 10:19:20 AM »
So it is safe to say that based on this situation, any of my current symptoms or symptoms that may develop in the next few weeks, it would be impossible for them to be related to HIV?

Offline RapidRod

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Re: scared
« Reply #31 on: November 04, 2007, 12:29:32 PM »
Yes, that's what I'm saying.

Offline Claire86

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Re: scared
« Reply #32 on: November 05, 2007, 07:52:18 PM »
I talked to someone else (who works with rape victims) about my situation today and she said that she does not personally believe that I got raped, but that it is too late to do a SANE kit, and gave me a number to call if I wanted to talk to someone.  And now I am upset and frustrated that they didn't give me PEP when I went to the hospital a week ago and now it is too late. I guess all I can do is wait out the period to test, does anyone have any thoughts on this?

Offline Matty the Damned

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Re: scared
« Reply #33 on: November 05, 2007, 08:47:51 PM »
Claire,

The sexual assault issue to one side, the reason you weren't offered PEP is  that there was no clinical need. PEP consists of a combination of really potent and quite toxic medications. These medications can have serious side effects and they are not dispensed lightly.

There was no need to give you PEP from an HIV transmission point of view and the medical staff made the correct decision in refusing or not offering it to you. In any event, I doubt that you would have been able to hack a month of PEP. It's really harsh stuff.

If you're having difficulties coping you should arrange some professional support from an appropriately qualified mental health worker. We simply cannot provide you with that kind of support.

MtD

Offline Claire86

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Re: scared
« Reply #34 on: November 05, 2007, 10:04:57 PM »
Matty, Are you saying that I DID have a risk now? "The sexual assault issue to one side.." I'm just wondering if your opinion has changed for some reason?

Offline Claire86

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Re: scared
« Reply #35 on: November 05, 2007, 10:06:51 PM »
Just wondering why you wouldn't say "You didnt need PEP because you didn't have a risk". Sorry. Thanks

Offline Matty the Damned

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Re: scared
« Reply #36 on: November 05, 2007, 10:16:48 PM »
Claire,

I made myself quite clear. You weren't offered PEP because you didn't have a risk.

I made the comment "The sexual assault issue to one side" as Ann has already addressed that matter comprehensively and to my mind there was nothing further to say on the subject.

MtD

Offline Andy Velez

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Re: scared
« Reply #37 on: November 06, 2007, 08:27:57 AM »
Claire, it's time for you to move on from this site. We've told you all that we can given the circumstances and details you have described. You've gotten several detailed responses which all come to the same conclusion -- that you weren't at risk in this situation.

This is what I call "an inside job." It's about feelings and not anything based on facts. You need to be working through this with your therapist, a process which hopefully you are continuing. Otherwise you are just going to continue going round in circles about the same stuff with an endless number of doubts and what ifs. It's beyond the scope of this site to help you with that. Having had matters checked out physically without any appearance of rape or intercourse to have occured, it's time for you to work with a professional to sort out what is going on emotionally.

Good luck with doing that challenging but essential work.
Andy Velez

 


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