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Poll

When do you disclose your HIV status to a date that you are planning to have a sexual encounter with?

When initially getting to know this person and talking about each others life.
2 (28.6%)
As soon as you realize sex is going to be part of this relationship.
4 (57.1%)
I wait for them to bring up the issue otherwise I don't but have safe sex.
0 (0%)
I don't, I deny it if asked but always have safe sex.
0 (0%)
I never bring it up and let them decide if they want to have safe sex or not.
0 (0%)
Other, post below please.
1 (14.3%)
I only have sex with other HIV poz partners, if so do you still use condoms?
0 (0%)

Total Members Voted: 7

Voting closed: October 27, 2007, 05:59:15 AM

Author Topic: Disclosure of HIV status.  (Read 1481 times)

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Offline RonG20YRSpoz

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Disclosure of HIV status.
« on: October 22, 2007, 05:59:15 AM »
This is just a curiosity poll as having lived with HIV for 20 years I have chosen different times to disclose.  I initially thought we were all consenting adults and responsible to take care of ourselves but then realized there may be people who don't know if they are poz or not.  I would leave the condom choice up to them.  Then I realized that I could seriously impact the quality and length of someones life if I did not have safe sex so I used condoms but didn't tell them I was HIV poz.  Then I told them right away, like the first thing out of my mouth after I met them and even if they were cool with it they would freak because I was so out about it.  Like I just told everyone and it turned them off.  Then I would not have sex on the first date, would have fun and get to know about them and see if I even wanted to have sex with them.  If it worked out the next time I would bring it up that I had been tested but didn't know my results yet so we better  play safe just in case.  Now I am open about it and only date other poz guys who I usually meet on poz.com.  The anonymous sex days are over but if I did have a chance at meeting some totally stud man I carry condoms so I could go for it.  Also I prefer oral sex and mutual J/O so it not much of an issue to me.  I don't believe it can be transmitted orally, especially with an undetectable viral load. Personal Opinion!!   OK, your turn guys.

[attachment deleted by admin]
« Last Edit: October 23, 2007, 04:31:56 PM by RonG20YRSpoz »
20 years with HIV, 10 years with HCV and still rocking.  Do yourselves a favor, do a lot of research on reputable sites, find a multidisciplinary care team, think POZ., no more fun drugs booze, eat well, enjoy good safe sex a lot, and network in forums like this where there some people with knowledge.  Otherwise get a health care advocate through your local A.S.O.   Smile and be adventurous.  Help your peers and my best to you all!

Offline Basquo

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Re: Disclosure of HIV status.
« Reply #1 on: October 22, 2007, 07:05:11 AM »
When I was going out specifically to meet people, I would tell them somewhere between my name and their first attempt to grope or kiss me. I put it in my profile when I tried the online approach and so it was out there first thing.  I met my boyfriend at a poz social group function so that was taken care of before we ever shook hands.

Offline RonG20YRSpoz

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Re: Disclosure of HIV status.
« Reply #2 on: October 22, 2007, 07:12:30 AM »
Thanks for the response.  I also met the guy I am seeing on poz.com and when I would create other profiles would include the hiv status, it would get it over and let them decide whether or not to contact you.  Smart way to do it.  I have also had non poz guys reply and hesitated not knowing what the motive was but pursued the situation anyway and found out he liked my profile and wanted to get to know me and decide where to go from there.  It didn't last but because of all of the questions he would constantly ask, "that was safe wasn't it"  "could we do this"  I was kind of tired of being the teacher but we remained friends. 

I had responded to your pizza crisis and that was a fantastic looking pizza, I hope you saved it and I am happy to hear you have a boyfriend and the status issue is not an issue.  Good luck and my best to you!
Ron
« Last Edit: October 22, 2007, 01:25:46 PM by RonG20YRSpoz »
20 years with HIV, 10 years with HCV and still rocking.  Do yourselves a favor, do a lot of research on reputable sites, find a multidisciplinary care team, think POZ., no more fun drugs booze, eat well, enjoy good safe sex a lot, and network in forums like this where there some people with knowledge.  Otherwise get a health care advocate through your local A.S.O.   Smile and be adventurous.  Help your peers and my best to you all!

Offline Bucko

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Re: Disclosure of HIV status.
« Reply #3 on: October 22, 2007, 01:48:00 PM »
I do not believe that there's a one-size-fits-all answer to disclosure for everybody. It is sincerely up to the individuals involved to decide when is the right time to have the HIV talk.

When in a bar, I disclose almost immediately (but I'm a fast operator). My online profiles at Adam and Mancunt both have HIV+ in the headline, repeats in the text and is checked off in the qualifiers. I have no interest in "passing" for a neg, but with the lipo in my face I'm not certain how much of an issue that really even is.

I am a strict serosorter which is no problem in Ft Lauderdale where I live. The pool of available, desirable pozguys is really big.

I have no interest in using condoms and haven't in over two years. This is my own informed risk and have taken it for the team more than once.
Blessed with brains, talent and gorgeous tits.

The revolutionary smart set reads The Spin Cycle at least once every day.

Blathering on AIDSmeds since 2005, provocative from birth

Offline dixieman

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Re: Disclosure of HIV status.
« Reply #4 on: October 22, 2007, 02:30:46 PM »
Well unfortunately the dating situation is slim in montgomery... genrally all the good men I know are taken... some play around but, I don't want to get into alot of drama... plus its just not me... many of the poz guys local either are in a relationship... do the bare back thing... or are hooked on drugs or have some real mental issues? figure? or just damn ugly...lol I have a couple of friends who are poz... but, their self proclaimed bottoms? its like their dick just does not work? Please... bottom, top, versitle, sideways... why not be oral... I have to admit I do have an oral fetish... its like why not become  lesbians... I travel to see friends in Atlanta every so often... its the land of the bottoms there...lol and unfortunately I did not get this crap from being on top... I think the one lone top must have infected the Whole land of GAYDOM...lol I'm at the point of whatever...I can travel to south florida and have men hit on me left and right... being poz down theres not a problem and likewise in NYC... but, finding a connection with one and only one is extremely difficult... so I have sex genrally by myself and I even ask the question and bring up the issue as to disclose and or not to disclose? LOL Oh well livings Great!  eventhough my hand is worn out... lol

Offline RonG20YRSpoz

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Re: Disclosure of HIV status.
« Reply #5 on: October 26, 2007, 12:56:04 PM »
For some reason I couldn't reply to Bucko or dixieman separately so I'll combine them
Bucko:
I hear you, I think consensual adults are just that.  If you are  informed and both parties agree go for it.  It would be responsible of you to test for HCV so you could let the catcher know they are at risk of getting another virus though. The other concern is the resistant strains of the virus that are starting to show.  If someone does acquire the virus from someone infected and having been on treatment, there is a risk that they also get the virus, if they do, with a risk of being resistant to all of the meds that person has been on.  But again if people keep informed they know this and it is their choice.  I am not a hitter or catcher so I don't worry about that.  I don't like latex but the few times I do decide I am up to bat i do use condoms because of the resistant strains and I have done the run of the meds.  In Lauderdale you must have plenty of opportunity!  I lived there 15 years and it was 15 years of being surrounded by sexual opportunity, that is where I got  HIV and  HCV.  And as I said I am not a catcher so go figure!  Thanks for being open and talking about this though, a lot of people would rather not even bother if it involves latex.  But again, as long as everything is on the table the choice is the people involved.  Take Care and enjoy the sun, it's getting damn cold up here.  Ron

Dixieman:  The hand can be a mans best friend if you want to avoid drama!  I agree with the labeling, we are sexual or we aren't.  People have told me they are total tops and I have seen them in situations contradicting what they  say....that was interesting to watch.  Again the hand.  But I also am oral and actually wish I had the desire to explore more but it is what it is.  It is hard living in a remote area, I am now in the country with no gay community but all my friends and family know I am gay and HIV poz.  Also I am 45 mins. from Boston, half hour from Providence, RI  and half hour from Hartford, CT.  So lots of access if I want to go to prowl but I have become more of a person who likes solitude and other interests after living 10 years in Lauderedale/Miami and four years in Provincetown.  That was enough action to charge my batteries for years.  I still date through poz.com but don't really hunt for the man action any more.  Thanks for your response.  Again the barebacking comes up which is really happening a lot.  Like I said before as long as you get tested regularly, know your status of HIV and HCV and disclose to your partner, it is your and whoever you are with health.  The big thing is get tested and disclose at some point otherwise I don't condone going bareback
20 years with HIV, 10 years with HCV and still rocking.  Do yourselves a favor, do a lot of research on reputable sites, find a multidisciplinary care team, think POZ., no more fun drugs booze, eat well, enjoy good safe sex a lot, and network in forums like this where there some people with knowledge.  Otherwise get a health care advocate through your local A.S.O.   Smile and be adventurous.  Help your peers and my best to you all!

 


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