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Author Topic: This has probably been asked before, but...  (Read 2037 times)

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Offline drewie85

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  • Posts: 9
This has probably been asked before, but...
« on: July 17, 2009, 10:50:54 AM »
To make a long story short... I stupidly had unprotected sex with a guy that slept with an HIV+ person. I did not know this at the time of course, but I was the "insertive" partner. I did not have a climax inside him, I actually pulled out right before. I did wash my penis with anti-bacterial soap, and went pee right afterwards. But I'm still stressing and worrying, because this guy refuses to get tested. It's now been 3 1/2 weeks (the incident was on June 21st), and I've had some headaches, one mouth sore, some joint pain, stomach cramps, and I been waking up around an hour or two after sleeping, sweaty. My night sweats aren't so bad where I need to change my sheets/etc, but I've had to change just my shirt, cause it's damp enough to give me chills. I do NOT have a fever when I wake up sweating either. I've not had any flu-like symptoms, no sore throat, or rashes(that I'm aware of). But I'm just really worried.. Can you please tell me what my chances are of contacting the virus, or if any of my symptoms can be ARS? I DO plan on getting tested in about 3 weeks, and then tested AGAIN in 3 months from the date of occurrence.

Offline Ann

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Re: This has probably been asked before, but...
« Reply #1 on: July 17, 2009, 11:15:09 AM »
Drew,

Would you be so worried if you hadn't found out he'd allegedly also had sex with someone who's hiv positive?

News flash - you need to be worried ANYTIME you have unprotected anal or vaginal intercourse with ANYONE! You need to wise up and start using condoms EVERYTIME.

Yes, you do need to test, but three weeks is too early. The earliest you should test is at six weeks, as the vast majority of people who have actually been infected will seroconvert and test positive by then. A six week negative MUST be confirmed at the three month point, but is unlikely to change.

Forget about bringing your symptoms here - neither symptoms nor the LACK of symptoms means a thing when it comes to primary hiv infection. Many people never have one symptom, but have been infected. Some people have every symptom in the book, but are hiv negative. ONLY hiv testing at the appropriate time will reliably reveal your hiv status.

As the insertive partner, your risk is somewhat lower than if you had been the receptive partner, but lower risk is NOT no risk.

You need to be using condoms for anal or vaginal intercourse, every time, no exceptions until such time as you are in a securely monogamous relationship where you have both tested for ALL sexually transmitted infections together. To agree to have unprotected intercourse is to consent to the possibility of being infected with an STI. Sex without a condom lasts only a matter of minutes, but hiv is forever.

Have a look through all three condom and lube links in my signature line so you can use condoms with confidence.

Anyone who is sexually active should be having a full sexual health care check-up, including but not limited to hiv testing, at least once a year and more often if unprotected intercourse occurs.

If you aren't already having regular, routine check-ups, now is the time to start. As long as you make sure condoms are being used for intercourse, you can fully expect your routine hiv tests to return with negative results. Don't forget to always get checked for all the other sexually transmitted infections as well, because they are MUCH easier to transmit than hiv.

Wake up and smell the coffee. If you keep on having unprotected intercourse, sooner or later you're going to be joining us in the "I Just Tested Poz" forum. I'm not kidding.

Hopefully you'll be ok this time. If you are, please learn a lesson and make sure condoms are being used. Use condoms for anal or vaginal intercourse, correctly and consistently, and you will avoid hiv infection. It really is that simple!

Ann
Condoms are a girl's best friend

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"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline drewie85

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Re: This has probably been asked before, but...
« Reply #2 on: July 17, 2009, 11:32:15 AM »
Hey Ann!

I most definitely worried still even before, just not as worried. But I do see your point. That was a first for me, to NOT use protection, and I guarantee it was the LAST time. I've learned my lesson. When I meant 3 weeks, I meant another 3 weeks from today, since it's already been 3 1/2 weeks since the incident. But I realize there is still a risk in playing the insertive partner.

Thank you for clarifying that for me though. I will still be getting tested, and I promise I've learned my lesson. And I will definitely check out the condom sites in your signature.

Offline Ann

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Re: This has probably been asked before, but...
« Reply #3 on: July 17, 2009, 11:42:54 AM »
Drew,

If this is a one-time thing for you, you have a pretty good chance of being ok. BUT! The more you play unprotected, the higher the chance that you'll end up infected. Please DO let this be the only time. Even if the guy swears up and down he's negative, don't buy into it. He might honestly THINK he's negative, but unless you're in a monogamous relationship with him and tested together after you've been together for three months, then you're better off protecting yourself. I really don't want to see you in the other parts of the forum.

Sorry I didn't get the bit where it's already been over three weeks. Six and a half weeks is a good testing point, but don't forget to confirm at three months if it's negative. Hopefully it will be - and as the insertive partner, you do have a good chance.

Good luck. In the meantime, I suggest you don't start googling all things hiv. All that will do is increase your anxiety levels and you'll end up making yourself sick with stress. We see that happen here all the time - be smart and don't do it.

Ann
Condoms are a girl's best friend

Condom and Lube Info  



"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline drewie85

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Re: This has probably been asked before, but...
« Reply #4 on: July 17, 2009, 11:56:28 AM »
Ann,

Thank you so much. Really. You've made some of my anxiety go away already. Also, I really will listen and stay off the internet with these things, because I've already scared myself with some of the ARS symptoms. But like you said, symptoms are not a key indicator of hiv infection. I really don't want to be in the other forums either, unless for support purposes, because I really do want to support those who ARE Hiv positive. And you know, even if I do test negative, at least because of this incident, I've gained A LOT more knowledge of HIV, and the preventive measures, but most of all, I've become much more open minded about HIV than before. Because if someone had told me they were HIV positive, I would not know how to react, or how to deal with it, but since I've become much more knowledgeable, I can be someone that supports them, than someone who is just "freaked out".

But thank you so much Ann, for helping me, and responding to me.

Offline Ann

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Re: This has probably been asked before, but...
« Reply #5 on: July 17, 2009, 12:08:35 PM »
You're welcome, Drew.

As for dealing with hiv positive people, we're no different than anyone else and we really don't want to be treated any differently.

As far as sexual relations go, as long as you're using condoms, it doesn't matter if they're poz or not. Condoms have been proven to prevent hiv infection. There have been long-term studies of couples where one is positive and one is negative. In the couples who used condoms for anal or vaginal intercourse, but no barrier for oral activities, not one of the negative partners became infected with hiv. Not one.

So what I'm saying is, if you someday find some man who you're falling head over heals in love with and he discloses that he's poz, don't run away. There are plenty of poz/neg couples out there who are leading happy, healthy lives, with the neg partner remaining neg. Condom use is all it takes.

I'm glad you see the wisdom of staying off hiv internet sites and not fretting about symptoms. That's the smart thing to do. Let us know how your test results come out. Considering what you've said about this being a one-off, I expect you to test negative.

Ann
Condoms are a girl's best friend

Condom and Lube Info  



"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline drewie85

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Re: This has probably been asked before, but...
« Reply #6 on: July 17, 2009, 09:00:19 PM »
You know Ann,


I know you said don't go by symptoms. But I had a bowel movement earlier, and I noticed white spots in my feces.. So I decided to look it up, and it said that it could be candida, and that's a yeast infection.. Is that normal? Maybe I am just over analyzing this.

Offline RapidRod

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Re: This has probably been asked before, but...
« Reply #7 on: July 17, 2009, 09:09:03 PM »
Go back and reread Ann's first reply to you.

Offline Andy Velez

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Re: This has probably been asked before, but...
« Reply #8 on: July 17, 2009, 09:15:10 PM »
Ann's covered the issue of symptoms for you. Are you really reading what is written to you or just going with your latest burst of anxiety as you scour everything for another symptom.

This is the deal. Neither the presence nor the absence of symptoms will tell you anything accurately about your HIV status. Only an HIV test taken at the right time will give you that answer. Period.

Get busy with other things in your life until you can take the test at a reliable testing point: 13 weeks. And don't bother saying you're too worried to do that, because that response won't fly in here.

Like Ann I do expect that ultimately you will test negative.

Cheers.
Andy Velez

Offline drewie85

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  • Posts: 9
Re: This has probably been asked before, but...
« Reply #9 on: July 17, 2009, 09:23:45 PM »
Yeah, you both are correct. I will leave the issue alone. Thank you both. I will just wait to get tested, and go on with my life until then. :)   I do appreciate both of you to reply so quickly though. This should be the last question. Any other symptom, I will leave alone. I will get tested when the time calls for it. Thank you again, both of you.

Offline drewie85

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  • Posts: 9
Re: This has probably been asked before, but...
« Reply #10 on: July 27, 2009, 11:28:56 PM »
Alright guys. Running into a slight problem. No! It's not paranoia. It's just, this coming Sunday (8/2) will mark my 6 weeks since the incident. Now, the problem is, my local health department only does FREE HIV testing on Tuesdays, from 2pm-4pm. But as of Monday (8/3), I will be starting my new job, and I'll be in training from Mon-Fri, 8am-5pm (For 4 weeks). So tomorrow (7/28), will be the only time I will be able to take the HIV test, or wait another 4 weeks. Is it ok to take the test 4-5 days early? Will it hurt the accuracy of the test? Please let me know whether or not it's worth going tomorrow or not.

Thanks guys,
Andrew

Offline Ann

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    • Num is sum qui mentiar tibi?
Re: This has probably been asked before, but...
« Reply #11 on: July 28, 2009, 06:44:36 AM »
Drew,

4-5 days early isn't going to make much difference. No matter what the outcome, you'll still need confirmatory testing at the appropriate time.

Ann
Condoms are a girl's best friend

Condom and Lube Info  



"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline drewie85

  • Member
  • Posts: 9
Re: This has probably been asked before, but...
« Reply #12 on: July 28, 2009, 07:49:42 PM »
Ann,

Thank you for replying. I just got back from my testing (apparently they said it's from 5pm-7pm), but I did it today anyway. And to back up what you all said IS true, the nurse that drew my blood (apparently he's had multiple years and knowledge of HIV) and he said (just as many moderators said) that you cannot base HIV on symptoms, and to avoid website pages explaining symptoms, because the only for sure way is by testing. I advised him of this website and what Ann had said. He said she knows what she is talking about. So I want to thank you Ann, and the others for helping me through this tough time. I am holding on, keeping positive and living my life just as before until I get the results (he said 2 weeks).

Thank you all for being so supportive. I will post my results as soon as I find out.
« Last Edit: July 28, 2009, 07:56:05 PM by drewie85 »

Offline drewie85

  • Member
  • Posts: 9
Re: This has probably been asked before, but...
« Reply #13 on: August 11, 2009, 08:11:17 PM »
Alright guys.. I got my results back today and they were NEGATIVE. But I took them at 5 1/2 weeks instead of 6. But the guy told me to come back again after 3 months since the incident. I told him I will.

But is this a good sign? Am I out of the woods yet, or do I still have a short journey still? I feel a little better. But kind of anxious too. I'm sure I'll be okay though. Thanks.

Offline Ann

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Re: This has probably been asked before, but...
« Reply #14 on: August 12, 2009, 07:20:51 AM »
Drew,

Yes, it's an encouraging result, one I don't expect to change when you get your confirmation at three months.

Ann
Condoms are a girl's best friend

Condom and Lube Info  



"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

 


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