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PET RULES

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bluelove:
Seeing that everyone here has pets of some kind l thought l would post this.Hope you all have not seen it before.

PET RULES

To be posted VERY LOW on the refrigerator door - nose height.
 
Dear Dogs and Cats,
 
The dishes with the paw print are yours and contain your food. The other dishes are mine and contain my food.  Please note, placing a paw print in the middle of my plate and food does not stake a claim for it becoming your food and dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the slightest.
 
The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack. Beating me to the bottom is not the object.  Tripping me doesn't help because I fall faster than you can run.
 
I cannot buy anything bigger than a king sized bed.  I am very sorry about this.  Do not think I will continue sleeping on the couch to ensure your comfort. Dogs and cats can actually curl up in a ball when they sleep.  It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other stretched out to the fullest extent possible.  I also know that sticking tails straight out and having tongues hanging out the other end to maximize space is nothing but sarcasm.
 
For the last time, there is not a secret exit from the bathroom.  If by some miracle I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not necessary to claw, whine, meow, try to turn the knob or get your paw under the edge and try to pull the door open.  I must exit through the same door I entered.  Also, I have been using the bathroom for years --canine or feline attendance is not required.
 
The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog or cat's butt. I cannot stress this enough!
 
To pacify you, my dear pets, I have posted the following message on our front door:
 
To All  Non-Pet Owners Who Visit & Like to Complain
 
About Our Pets:
 
1. They live here.  You don't.
2. If you don't want their hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture. (That's why they call it "fur"niture.)
3. I like my pets a lot better than I like most people.
4. To you, it's an animal.  To me, he/she is an adopted son/daughter who is short, hairy, walks on all fours and doesn't speak clearly.
 
Remember: Dogs and cats are better than kids because they:
 
1. Eat less
2. Don't ask for money all the time
3 Are easier to train
4. Normally come when called
5. Never ask to drive the car
6. Don't hang out with drug-using friends
7. Don't smoke or drink
8. Don't have to buy the latest fashions
9. Don't want to wear your clothes
10. Don't need a gazillion dollars for college,
11. If they get pregnant, you can sell their children.

Lisa:
Absolutely funny. Thanks for this, I needed it this morning.
I know this doesn't mean anything to anyone else, but for the very first time, Sweetie came to the bedside in the wee hours this morning, I  put her in the bed with me, and she slept between my legs. My heart swelled with pride that this small act was so very significant to me. She has blossomed into a very sweet little darling, and has finally shown me unadulterated trust.
She had been mistreated by someone at a very young age, and it has taken time to gain her complete trust.

AlanBama:
OMG Lisa, our pets have a secret communication link!   I have had Fang for exactly one year now, and for the first time, she curled up and snuggled with me during the night.   I truly think animals have that 6th sense....she knew I was feeling down and kinda blue, and she was trying to comfort her daddy.

Dachshund:


Sam asked if he could add a number twelve to your list?

12. If your children have children, your pets can eat your children's children.

My boy is always thinking. Did I mention his photostamps came in the mail?

Hal ;)

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Lisa:
Check your next phone bill carefully Alan. I think they have been drunk calling each other when we're asleep.
I found teensie little paw prints on the caller ID screen yesterday. :o

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