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Well first things first.

Now, you are not a loser. Rejection is tough. There is no way around this.

I can't remember the number of times people have just walked away. Some have run away. Others excused themselves to go to the restroom and never returned. Some, before leaving, took several steps back, like I was going to infect them by breathing on them.

One guy said, "Why didn't you tell me when I first walked up. I wouldn't have wasted my time." Him I'll never forget.

I know you are feeling frustrated. For a while, I felt like damaged goods, not worthy of those whom I desired.

I won't lie. There are times I still feel that way.

But those dark times are becoming fewer and fewer. I feel good about myself most of the time. Now, if someone walks away, I usually think, "Well, its his loss."

You are dealing with a double whammy of sorts. HIV and going deaf, especially since the deafness is something new to your life.

Give yourself time to get used to the new life that lies ahead for you. I have a friend who is deaf. When I first met him, I probably seemed standoffish or a little cold. I wasn't intending to be, but I didn't know exactly how to deal with someone who couldn't hear me or what was going on around us.

After a time, it just seemed to come naturally. I was fearful of insulting him, or making him feel odd. I now know that was simply foolish on my part. In fact, my fear of insulting him was probably more insulting to him.

I can't sign, but we have developed our own little signals for communicating and it is really a lot of fun. Of course, when he writes me a note when I'm driving and expects me to both read and respond in kind it can become a bit dicey.

The point is, even though I consider myself to be open minded, I had to learn the hard way I still have much to learn.

Don't give up on finding someone special. When you least expect it, you will. But don't be put off if it takes him a little time to adjust, because he may be on a learning curve.

As for those who didn't work out as you had hoped, think of them as momentary diversions. They are the past. Look to the future. I have faith you will find that special person lurking in the mists of the future.



water duck:


In french we say 'never two without three' . Sweetheart, you are being prepared for the BIG thing to come. The fourth is the GEM - why ?? after three lessons, you will know what to do for the fourth.

HOPE helps us make tomorrow BRIGHTER  :-* :-*


Here's a big HUG for you!

And while I'm passing them out, also one for Mark and Siang, my wise water duck.

Like Mark said, you are dealing with a lot, the deafness on top of everything else.   You have my utmost respect and admiration.


a BIG hug from me too, you are very courageous, don't let it get you down,
(wish I could put it as beautifully as Mark did)


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