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Author Topic: Dating Thread Part VIII: Brain-dead, Blusey and Befuddled  (Read 29317 times)

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Offline camille07

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Re: Dating Thread Part VIII: Brain-dead, Blusey and Befuddled
« Reply #50 on: October 15, 2007, 10:04:00 PM »
I'm not sorry bono asked for his pic back, you look much better. ;)  And I used to have a huge crush on the rocker in the old  days.

Queen, sigh. I know it gets frustrating.  Its usually when you say you're done someone pops up in your life. 

I got a phone call last at 10 pm.  It was from the infamous Jack.  I thought he was out of my life but apparently he doesn't think so.  He said if I was his real friend I would drive down and take him home cause he didn't have a ride home from work.  First off, I just took ativan, which makes me sleepy.  Second, he is an hour away.  Third, I don't want to be a friend to an ungrateful mooch who has created so much havoc and pain in my life.  In two years I have gone the distance for this guy, but I put an end to this months ago.  I said NO.  He started berating me so I hung up the phone.  He left me (no joking) thirteen voice mails about how rotten I was.  It struck a nerve like I can't explain.  It takes a lot for me to get so wound up that every word was an expletive.  Like I mentioned before is that I have given this guy everything from money, clothes, amps, electric guitars, paid for his HIV medication, drove him to the doctors.  Made him get tested originally.  Uggghhh. I'm getting worked up as I write this.   I thought this is suppose to be cathartic. LOL

Hope you girls have a great evening

Hugs,

Cammie

Offline MOONLIGHT1114

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Re: Dating Thread Part VIII: Brain-dead, Blusey and Befuddled
« Reply #51 on: October 15, 2007, 10:09:59 PM »
Hi GFs~

Queen, that would be a good idea, to start a group in your area.  I have this feeling that a lot of pos people are right under our noses, but are just looking for a safe place to go to, where they feel they belong.

Em~  Nice to put a face with the screen name after so long!  

BT~  Yes, going to see the doc at 745am tomorrow and I'll be back to post my new labs.  But....this cough has got to give!  Every two days its seems to change some, for the better, but its not gone.  My nose is fine tho.

Cam~  Sorry Jack was working your nerves.  Plain and simple, you had taken your Ativan and couldn't risk driving an hour to get him.  He should have planned ahead sooner, but I understand how irritating this must have been for you.  Hang in there!

About the job, I didn't hear back from the GM Fri or today, so perhaps I will call tomorrow to see if the "position is still open."   I received a call tonight from another company that wanted to see me tomorrow, but I have this feeling the pay is low.  I told her I'd call her in the morning, as my insulin pump was acting up when I got the call at 830pm tonight.

Cheech and I went for a great walk today, about 45 minutes, and it was good to get out and forget about everything for awhile.  No worries about men, unemployment, cough....just me and my best buddy in the entire world!   ;D

~Cindy
« Last Edit: October 16, 2007, 11:09:25 AM by MOONLIGHT1114 »
HIV+ since '93, 1/12 - CD4 785 and undet.   WOO-HOO!!

Offline emeraldize

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Re: Dating Thread Part VIII: Brain-dead, Blusey and Befuddled
« Reply #52 on: October 15, 2007, 10:24:32 PM »
Ooooh a girl after my own heart, you gonna clean them chitlins right, Em... ;) That is a good thought you made about PozHet here in NWPA but I wouldn't know the first thing on what to do. And like I said, I don't even know anyone else poz here. They seem to be hidden pretty much like I am.

As much as I'd prefer to do the greens, yes, I would put my detail freak side to work on cleaning 'em up properly for you, oh Regal One.

Don't fuss about starting the group. Write to the Aussie gang as MtD suggested. Ask them for ideas,what were their ground rules, how did they protect the group from curiousity seekers?

Then, see if you can tag onto an existing agency or say the Unitarian Church (that could be an excellent resource for a space and the one in your neck of the woods is a nice one, but rather far out)---some place closer to the city will probably get more people due to easier transportation. Maybe the Health Dept. would donate some space.

You could get the word out through the Health Dept, docs, nurses, ASOs, etc.

The Queen of Green and Folks As Yet Unseen!

Offline confusedme

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Re: Dating Thread Part VIII: Brain-dead, Blusey and Befuddled
« Reply #53 on: October 15, 2007, 11:39:32 PM »
Hi ladies just checkin in really quickly before I turn in. I'll try to log in sooner tomorrow.
08/13/07 - Diagnosis confirmed
08/30/07 - T-cells 400, VL 6,500 (Baseline)
11/30/07 - T-cells 428, VL 9,950

Online BT65

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Re: Dating Thread Part VIII: Brain-dead, Blusey and Befuddled
« Reply #54 on: October 16, 2007, 06:02:44 AM »
Queen, I think it would be great if you started a group.  They have an HIV support group here, but, alas, it's on a night I go to school.  It just started like a month ago.  And they've been successful, which I found different from what I'd been used to with HIV groups.  Usually hardly anyone shows up.  As far as men, girl, I just think the majority of them are looking for sex and someone to whine to.  The straight ones anyway.  I also with that straight men were more like gay men.  But that's probably not going to happen anytime soon.  I'm pretty good with the fact that I'll be alone until some kind of divine intervention intervenes.

Cam, love the picture!  Is that you?  You know what I found interesting about your post, is that it seems like the way you reacted to Jack was kind of like the way you reacted to your father.  Have you been going through something emotional lately?  Maybe I'm way off.

Cin, waiting anxiously for your lab report!  Maybe the GM hasn't called you back yet because the universe knows you need some time to heal physically.  You just hang in there.  Something will work.

Em, I like being able to associate a face with the name also.  I wish I knew how to move my picture over here, but the pixels (whatever that is, someone told me that was the problem) are too large.  I am not at all computer savy, so I have no idea what he was talking about or how to reduce them.

I hope all you ladies are having a good morning.  I'm going to do a real quick check of some other threads, then off to start the day.  Take care everyone-
I've never killed anyone, but I frequently get satisfaction reading the obituary notices.-Clarence Darrow

Offline emeraldize

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Re: Dating Thread Part VIII: Brain-dead, Blusey and Befuddled
« Reply #55 on: October 16, 2007, 08:00:35 AM »
Hey BT

I consulted with Tim (thunter) briefly and what you do, if you can figure it out, is to crop the pic about as small as you can to a head shot. Then, see if you can upload that size. Do you know how to crop a photo in Microsoft Photo Editor? That's where you do this.

I'm sure the talent pool here can assist. Worst case. Pick someone you trust, e-mail the pic, they'll crop, send back, you load.

I asked Cam the same thing on PM. Now WE are awaiting a reply. She looks Egyptian with a splash of flapper girl!

Got to start the day, too. Still under the fab fall weather, so I'll have to psyche up to blast through the door.

Em

Offline cjc

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Re: Dating Thread Part VIII: Brain-dead, Blusey and Befuddled
« Reply #56 on: October 16, 2007, 09:09:33 AM »
Hello ladies. I am well, just getting ready to work ANOTHER double.          Em, love your picture. It is nice to have a face to put with the wonderful  words that you make.     Cristy

Offline camille07

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Re: Dating Thread Part VIII: Brain-dead, Blusey and Befuddled
« Reply #57 on: October 16, 2007, 09:40:34 AM »
Morning Ladies-

Yes that was me last Halloween.  Em pinned it!  I was an Egyptian Flapper.

BT-  Interesting theory.  I wonder if I'm feeling more vulnerable than usual.  Not weepy, but feeling I have a zero tolerance for being "the cat", as in "kicking the cat".  Its when you come home from the job, doctors or any place  that has put you in a horrible mood.  When you enter, your cat comes running to you saying "love me love me" and you push your cat aside or take your emotions out on the poor little cat.  It seems we do that to the people we love sometimes. I've been guilty on that.  But, it seems, I've been the cat a lot in different areas of my life.  I'm trying to be understanding but you just get to a breaking point.  Well, I think I broke.

Cin-  I'm staying positive that you've got this job. Please keep us posted.

Hello to the rest of you girls, be well today or this evening, where ever you may be:)

Hugs,

Cammie

Offline emeraldize

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Re: Dating Thread Part VIII: Brain-dead, Blusey and Befuddled
« Reply #58 on: October 16, 2007, 10:27:08 AM »
Thanks Cristy!

Offline MOONLIGHT1114

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Re: Dating Thread Part VIII: Brain-dead, Blusey and Befuddled
« Reply #59 on: October 16, 2007, 12:26:06 PM »
Hi GFs~

I have a feeling that this is going to be a big post.  I have been SO productive today and have a lot to share!

Cam~  I don't think you're being too vulnerable, and if you are, so what?  I think making one's self vulnerable is actually a sign of strength, letting your walls down so that people can see the real you on the inside, and what YOU'RE feeling.  I only wish I could do the same more often!  So, you were tired from work, dad struck a nerve, Jack was a pain....You're allowed to get upset and pissed.  We can't be all things to everyone.  You seem to be a lot like me where Jack is concerned.  Saying "No" is a very powerful thing, something that not many people can easily do, but when it helps YOU, its advantageous!  I could never say "No" in my twenties, and always got stepped on.  I have learned to be honest in my thirties, and I don't always do what everyone wants.  I have ME to answer to, and I have to make sure that "Me" is OK.  ;)

Em~  I like how you suggested that Queen consult a Unitarian church for group space.  A gay male in our support group here says he and his partner just joined a Unitarian church not too long ago, and they are both very pleased with it!

I saw my ID doc this morning and my jaw dropped when she started reading my labs!  A1C (diabetes test) is going slowly in the right direction and has dropped since July, cholesterol went from 200 to 166 and it has always been a problem for me, thyroid is stable after upping my Pravachol last spring, and my VL is still undetectable!  The icing on the cake was my CD4 count which went from 650 last July to 746! 

So, is it not going to work everyday, or stopping birth control, which has brought about these changes?  Or maybe none of the above?  Either way, I am satisfied, very satisfied.  I have been under a lot of stress this summer, but you know what?  I am always stressed about something or other.  Stress makes life exciting, in my opinion.  If things are easy and you're scooting along footloose and fancy free, I feel that either you're very fortunate, or else you're missing something, i.e. as in "oblivion is bliss."  I'd rather be in the know than be oblivious, that's for sure.

So, I got my labs and called my primary doc to try and be seen for this cough.  My ID doc said my throat looked fine, and my lungs sounded OK.   ???  That was a surprise to me.  I was on hold with the primary's office for 15 minutes on my cell phone and finally hung up.  Instead I went to the Health Dept cause my CM had more paperwork for me to do.  The first thing she pulled out of my file was a xerox copy of my POZ spotlight in this month's issue!  I was so happy to finally see the entire bit, because online here you can't see the picture.  We filled out papers and then my CM went to get me a $10 gift card, a little "thank you" for coming in, and to help because I am unemployed.  My CM comes back with the gift card and a copy of POZ magazine, so I could have the article for myself!  I was tickled to see "Diagnosed in 1993" under my pic, proud that I have survived so long with this virus.   My CM also gave me a booklet called "Five Wishes" which serves as an advanced directive in case you're ever sick and hospitalized.  I think it serves as a nice guide and is very easy to read.  I am going to give my parents a copy of my wishes once I fill this out, so if that day ever comes, we'll all be better prepared, just in case.

So, the labs were good, the cholesterol was good and I was hungry!  I went to McD's to get a burger and fries, something I haven't done in awhile, so I treated myself.  I have been hiking with Cheech more lately since the temps are more tolerable, and I must say, its time for new aerobic/walking shoes.  Its Monopoly time again at McD's and what's on my game piece?  "20% Off at Foot Locker."   ;D  When I'm employed again, I will go get some new sneakers.  Little things like a coupon for something I really need are the best!

As far as the job......I called the GM back today and was a little confused at first.  It sounded like the position had been filled?!?!?  Or maybe he thought "I" was  a headhunter who was trying to send a new candidate over?  It was clear he didn't put two and two together at first about who I was.  I told him that I had come in 2x last week to meet with him and then with the owner, and the GM had his lightbulb moment and chuckled to himself.  He and the owner haven't had a chance to sit down and "talk" about me yet, so he said he would call me back by the end of today.  If he calls me by the end of the week, I'll be happy.  I called another woman back who called late last night, wanting to interview me.  I had only just applied online Sunday for the position, so its good that she called so soon.  She caught me off guard, calling so late in the evening, and I told her I may have an offer coming, so I would have to get back to her.  I got her voice mail today and basically stated what my previous salary range was over the past few years.  I didn't want to waste her time or mine, since this job is down the road and I'm not going to work for $25K a year.  I may hear back, I may not, at least I put it out there.

I called my primary doc again after I got home to a landline and the reason they didn't answer before was because its their first day doing flu shots at an office with six doctors.  No wonder!  I'm supposed to come in at 3pm today and wait a bit, but I'll be seen.  I'll have to pay a $20 copay to my primary, but today at my ID doc's, the copay was covered by the Health Dept for the first time, so it all works out.

I'm having a good day, in a good mood, but still antsy about being unemployed.  My last check will be in early December, and then my six months will have run out on unemployment.  Its getting down to the wire now, but I can do this, I can do this, I CAN DO THIS.

~Cindy   ;D
HIV+ since '93, 1/12 - CD4 785 and undet.   WOO-HOO!!

Offline Dragonette

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Re: Dating Thread Part VIII: Brain-dead, Blusey and Befuddled
« Reply #60 on: October 16, 2007, 12:55:23 PM »
cind, all great news... but the GM, where do they make these people, somewhere there is a hidden manufacturing plant for big important oblivious bosses isn't there... hey, I bet they make some doctors there too. I'm going to get my blood taken tomorrow and the doc relented to say he "might see" me, so if he does, I could be on Kaletra or Reyataz tomorrow evening, there is really no point in waiting, my other two docs (sounds like I have a team... but I consult with others, and with Newt and forum members here, only b/c my primary ones are so indifferent) were adamant that I should switch asap before more mutations develop.

Cam, i don't know what I'd do if my dad shouted at me. Probabaly cry... that's a tough one. Then again, my mum is always agitated with me over one thing or another, and I get insulted. When I visit them, there is always a crisis 2-3 days into the visit in which I regret ever coming and want to leave, always over something really dumb... still we love each other to death, and I'm sure yours do too. As for Jack, i don't know who he is, but good riddance... he sounds very energy draining and manipulative. I've been there numerous times, what woman hasn't  ;)? Good fo you standing your ground.

Em, i like the new pic, and strangely, you look just as I'd pictured you, which shows a consistency in character. I don't think I look like what people imagine. I imagine Betty too, I wonder if I'm right there.

Hugs and best wishes to one and all,
"If you keep one foot in yesterday, and one in tomorrow, you piss all over today". Betty Tacy

Offline MOONLIGHT1114

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  • Cheech 2.2.94 - 4.23.10 We miss you so much!
Re: Dating Thread Part VIII: Brain-dead, Blusey and Befuddled
« Reply #61 on: October 16, 2007, 06:14:46 PM »
So, two doctor's today say my throat looks fine?!?!?!  WTF?  This must be a seasonal allergy, of which I have never really had any problems with!

If you are a DOG LOVER, read the Ellen Degeneres thread here in the Forums.  Help to FREE IGGY!

You can sign the petition here as well!

http://www.petitiononline.com/FreeIggy/petition.html
HIV+ since '93, 1/12 - CD4 785 and undet.   WOO-HOO!!

Offline Queen Tokelove

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  • Smokey the Smurf
Re: Dating Thread Part VIII: Brain-dead, Blusey and Befuddled
« Reply #62 on: October 16, 2007, 06:42:40 PM »
I saw the video from Ellen's show on Yahoo today. I thought what the shelter did was very ignorant to say the least. Funny, how they had no response to their actions, I think they are assholes. I hope Iggy gets returned to the little girls and for some reason if they don't then Ellen should get those girls another pet. I signed the petition even though I am more of a cat lover but loves all animals....
Started Atripla/Ziagen on 9/13/07.
10/31/07 CD4-265 VL- undetectable
2/6/08 CD4- 401 VL- undetectable
5/7/08 CD4- 705 VL- undetectable
6/4/08 CD4- 775 VL- undetectable
8/6/08 CD4- 805 VL- undetectable
11/13/08 CD4- 774 VL--undetectable
2/4/09  CD4- 484  VL- 18,000 (2 months off meds)
3/3/09---Starting Back on Meds---
4/27/09 CD4- 664 VL-- undetectable
6/17/09 CD4- 438 VL- 439
8/09 CD4- 404 VL- 1,600
01-22-10-- CD4- 525 VL- 59,000
Cherish the simple things life has to offer

The Royal Blog

Online BT65

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Re: Dating Thread Part VIII: Brain-dead, Blusey and Befuddled
« Reply #63 on: October 17, 2007, 05:57:41 AM »
Wow, Cin, great news from the docs.  My cholesterol is slowly creeping back down to where it should be.  My A1C, however, was elevated the last time I had it done.  I have been eating a lot more sugary things since I quit smoking.  I'll have to get this under control.  Congratulations on the CD4's and viral load!  That must be comforting.  I bet the congestedness you're feeling is allergies.  If everything looks alright, what else could be the explanation.

Hey Queen, love your avatar of the Purple Prince!  I just love his music, old stuff as well as more recent. 

Well, today is hump day.  After today, it's all downhill.  That's what I keep telling myself anyway.  I have a whole new respect for telemarketing.  I mean, I hate to be called by them; that's why I'm on the do-not-call list.  Which, by the way, expires next year so you have to re-sign up, for anyone who's on it.  But anyway, the people we call are so rude.  And it's one call after another.  For this week, since it's the unofficial second week of training I'm working 9-4.  Then next week, I'm starting 9-2, which will be so much better.  But, we only get one 15 minute break.  The rest of the time is to be spent in front of the computer and on the phones.  Which is extremely wearing after awhile.  I get up and go the bathroom, step outside to stretch, or whatever.  I remember when I was a medical transcriptionist, they told us to get up every hour and get away from the computer screen for a few minutes.  Here they don't seem to care about things like that.  Ah well.  I keep telling myself that I can make it through this week, then next week will improve. 

In other news, my father cancelled the visiting nurse.  He is so stubborn.  He needs one, because he's getting pretty incompetent, but not incompetent enough to have someone become his guardian.  There's so much lack of oxygen to his brain because of the emphysema and smoking that he doesn't think clearly at all.  So he doesn't do what the doctors tell him, gets himself into a mess every time, and expects everyone to run to his rescue.  I know he's my father, and I suppose I "owe" him since he always supported the family, but sometimes it gets so aggravating.  I know now why my mother lost patience with him so often.  When she was ill, even when she was very ill, when he would wake up he would stay back in his bedroom and yell "help, help."  If she didn't answer him right away he would shout "PHIL!"  (Shortened version of my mum's real name, Phyllis).  He's very demanding.  Yes, just like a spoiled child.  Which is what he is.  When my mum was alive and healthy, she did everything for him (cooking, taking care of him when he was sick etc.).  I personally don't believe in going too far as far as taking care of someone one is in a relationship with.  I think people should be independent, so if something happens to the other person, they can be self-sufficient.  But, I now my parents are from another generation.  But, getting back on track, I'm not sure what to do about my father.  I just see things getting worse and worse. 

I guess I've ranted quite enough for now.  I hope all you ladies have a wonderful day-
I've never killed anyone, but I frequently get satisfaction reading the obituary notices.-Clarence Darrow

Offline Queen Tokelove

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Re: Dating Thread Part VIII: Brain-dead, Blusey and Befuddled
« Reply #64 on: October 17, 2007, 10:46:44 PM »
I guess this is where bluesy falls in for me on this thread. If you haven't read in the Living With thread, a member of our forum family has passed.......Christine.

I have never met Christine but she was one of the forum members who posts I have read religiously since being here. From reading her posts, I felt like I knew her and considered a friend even though I know she never realized it. My heart is truly heavy and there is so much I would like to say but am totally at a loss right now. Christine was and will always remain an inspiration for me. Oh Goddess, you just don't know how heavy my heart feels and I haven't felt like this since my father died. I would like to say more but the words just escape me at the moment. I know she is no longer in pain and she has gone to a better place. Christine, you will be missed......
Started Atripla/Ziagen on 9/13/07.
10/31/07 CD4-265 VL- undetectable
2/6/08 CD4- 401 VL- undetectable
5/7/08 CD4- 705 VL- undetectable
6/4/08 CD4- 775 VL- undetectable
8/6/08 CD4- 805 VL- undetectable
11/13/08 CD4- 774 VL--undetectable
2/4/09  CD4- 484  VL- 18,000 (2 months off meds)
3/3/09---Starting Back on Meds---
4/27/09 CD4- 664 VL-- undetectable
6/17/09 CD4- 438 VL- 439
8/09 CD4- 404 VL- 1,600
01-22-10-- CD4- 525 VL- 59,000
Cherish the simple things life has to offer

The Royal Blog

Online BT65

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Re: Dating Thread Part VIII: Brain-dead, Blusey and Befuddled
« Reply #65 on: October 18, 2007, 05:40:52 AM »
R.I.P. Christine. :'( :'(
I've never killed anyone, but I frequently get satisfaction reading the obituary notices.-Clarence Darrow

Offline MOONLIGHT1114

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  • Cheech 2.2.94 - 4.23.10 We miss you so much!
Re: Dating Thread Part VIII: Brain-dead, Blusey and Befuddled
« Reply #66 on: October 18, 2007, 08:27:51 AM »
Just like one of the guys posted in Christine's thread, now we have our own Angel who can watch over all of us.

God Bless You Christine  :'(
HIV+ since '93, 1/12 - CD4 785 and undet.   WOO-HOO!!

Offline Dragonette

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Re: Dating Thread Part VIII: Brain-dead, Blusey and Befuddled
« Reply #67 on: October 18, 2007, 04:36:00 PM »
I am just so sad today... the terrible news about Christine, my doctor prescribing the wrong dose after all the hassle of the last weeks just trying to get them to listen to me, and them admitting their mistakes... it's all such a mess.

I'm turning 34 tonight... nothing to make a big deal off, I celebrated by taking my first protease inhibitors, the right dose this time and not as it is printed on the bottle by the pharamcy according to the prescription from yesterday... I guess I am proud of myself for standing up to the docs even when they treated me like a pain in the butt. I am not mad at them cos I think they learned from their experience.

I feel so overwhelmed with Christine's death, she is one more forum member that I never personally communicated with, but always read, with respect and admiration and awe and quite a bit of fear and sadness. her last post with the birthday party was the saddest one... and then this news. It DOES happen, and I knew that for a long time, but somehow I hoped that it wouldn't.

Take good care of yourselves ladies, talk to you soon, lots of love.
"If you keep one foot in yesterday, and one in tomorrow, you piss all over today". Betty Tacy

Online BT65

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Re: Dating Thread Part VIII: Brain-dead, Blusey and Befuddled
« Reply #68 on: October 18, 2007, 06:18:46 PM »
HEY DRAG:

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!
So glad the docs listened to you and that you have the right dose.  Bottoms up!
I've never killed anyone, but I frequently get satisfaction reading the obituary notices.-Clarence Darrow

Offline MOONLIGHT1114

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Re: Dating Thread Part VIII: Brain-dead, Blusey and Befuddled
« Reply #69 on: October 18, 2007, 07:03:58 PM »
Drag~  I read your post in Jerry's thread about "Who is in charge, you or your doctor?"  All I can say is:

DRAG KICKED ASS!!

Today is your birthday?  OMG OMG OMG!  Happy Birthday, Drag!  Don't be sad, celebrate that you stood up to those docs when you thought you were right.  It certainly paid off! 

I have so much to post, but I am exhausted tonight, I've hardly eaten, and have been running around all day.  I'll try to catch up over the weekend.

If you wish to donate to the animal shelter in Christine's hometown, you can do so using this link provided by her husband:

Per Chris' request, and Christine's wishes, please make ALL donations to:

http://www.mollysplace.org/donate.htm



Smile and think of Christine as our light.  She will never suffer again like she did these past few months, and I know she's watching over all of us tonight and sending us strength!  :)

~Cindy
« Last Edit: October 18, 2007, 07:05:58 PM by MOONLIGHT1114 »
HIV+ since '93, 1/12 - CD4 785 and undet.   WOO-HOO!!

Offline Queen Tokelove

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Re: Dating Thread Part VIII: Brain-dead, Blusey and Befuddled
« Reply #70 on: October 18, 2007, 09:48:46 PM »
Today has been a day from hell. I'm still feeling the loss of Christine but then I had my own drama that jumped off today in regards to my son. He came to see me today, went to the store close by to buy a t-shirt and got maced by my cousin's which is also his cousin's bf over what-----bullshit in a word and to keep it simple. But did it stop there? No, after the burning kinda calmed down it turned into a physical altercation. He almost got jumped again by members of the family which 2 were females but I wouldn't let it happen but he did end up fighting the bf, I guess you can say it was unavoidable with all the testerone flying in the air. During all this my niece shows up who in turn calls my sister, the one I really don't get along with. And him and her gets into it with her trying to put her hands on my son but me and my niece stopped that from happening. I am emotionally drained and my body is sore. I feel like I was the one fighting instead of being the voice of reason. This shit actually went on for about 2-3 hours all together but I was just grateful that my son wasn't hurt and the police wasn't involved...What a fucked up day.
Started Atripla/Ziagen on 9/13/07.
10/31/07 CD4-265 VL- undetectable
2/6/08 CD4- 401 VL- undetectable
5/7/08 CD4- 705 VL- undetectable
6/4/08 CD4- 775 VL- undetectable
8/6/08 CD4- 805 VL- undetectable
11/13/08 CD4- 774 VL--undetectable
2/4/09  CD4- 484  VL- 18,000 (2 months off meds)
3/3/09---Starting Back on Meds---
4/27/09 CD4- 664 VL-- undetectable
6/17/09 CD4- 438 VL- 439
8/09 CD4- 404 VL- 1,600
01-22-10-- CD4- 525 VL- 59,000
Cherish the simple things life has to offer

The Royal Blog

Offline MOONLIGHT1114

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Re: Dating Thread Part VIII: Brain-dead, Blusey and Befuddled
« Reply #71 on: October 18, 2007, 10:21:20 PM »
I'm drained, too, GF.
HIV+ since '93, 1/12 - CD4 785 and undet.   WOO-HOO!!

Offline sunseeker

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Re: Dating Thread Part VIII: Brain-dead, Blusey and Befuddled
« Reply #72 on: October 18, 2007, 11:29:37 PM »
Hi Ladies

Hi had a whole post ready to go and when I used spell check it was lost.  So rather than re-write it I will leave it at those of you who knew Chrisitne I am sorry for your loss.  I did not know her but nonetheless she will be missed.  Just remember tomorrow is a new day and from the sounds of it, Christine would want everyone to look at it like that and smile and be thankful that we are surround by eachother, family and friends.  At like someone said there is an angel watching over us.

SS

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Re: Dating Thread Part VIII: Brain-dead, Blusey and Befuddled
« Reply #73 on: October 19, 2007, 05:26:35 AM »
Good morning ladies:

It is way early here, but I have to see my therapist this morning before I go to work.

Queen, what a day you had.  Thank goodness you were there, or hard telling what would have happened.  How is your son doing by the way? 

Cin, thanks for taking the bull by the horns, so to speak, about Christine.  I will certainly miss her, but like it's been said, she won't be suffering anymore.  I know she's looking in on us, making sure we're all doing what we're supposed to be doing. 

Sun, good to hear from you.  Sorry your post got lost.  They supposedly fixed this site from doing things like that, but I've noticed that sometimes it takes an extremely long time for things to post.  Sure wish they'd fix it!

I hope all you other ladies are doing alright.  I'm done with the two classes I've been taking.  Next week starts two more.  I'm so glad today is Friday.  I hope it zooms by.  Take care ladies-
I've never killed anyone, but I frequently get satisfaction reading the obituary notices.-Clarence Darrow

Offline MOONLIGHT1114

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Re: Dating Thread Part VIII: Brain-dead, Blusey and Befuddled
« Reply #74 on: October 19, 2007, 02:21:19 PM »
I'm gonna bake brownies and veg out this weekend.  I am spent, still stressed about not working.  I'll post more when I get a little energy back.
HIV+ since '93, 1/12 - CD4 785 and undet.   WOO-HOO!!

Offline sunseeker

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Re: Dating Thread Part VIII: Brain-dead, Blusey and Befuddled
« Reply #75 on: October 19, 2007, 11:20:22 PM »
Hi Girls

Well, interesting turn on events.  Cop#1called and wanted to know why I had not called him.  I basically told him that I needed space and was dealing with my own crap of turning 34 last week and other emotional crap.  Of course he was at work and we could not talk for  long time but he would like to get together on Tuesday.  I am not sure how that is going to be or even if I want to see him.  I am very emotional over a lot of things.  Relationships to life in general.  My friend is trying to fix me up with a friend of hers and I am really not into it and the sad thing is that I know I would be into it if I was not +.  I am just not in the mood to allow myself to like someone and then have to tell them my status.  He seems like a fun person and he is very cute, but I just want to close myself off.   We have been talking on the phone and seem to have a lot in common and I just told him that if i was going to be in a relationship I wanted to take things really slow, hoping to deter him.  I even tried to judge his reaction and said that a friend of mine had HIV and she found a negative guy who does not care.  Not sure of his reaction he just said that must have been a hard conversation to have with someone.  So I have no idea, I am just have a lot of emotion and I am tired of putting on a facade and pretending that I am happy when I am not.  Well, that is enough for me.  Sorry for the depressing post, just needed a place to vent. 

Offline MOONLIGHT1114

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Re: Dating Thread Part VIII: Brain-dead, Blusey and Befuddled
« Reply #76 on: October 19, 2007, 11:31:24 PM »
Sun~

You should have told Cop #1 the reason you haven't called is bec he's married and has a child on the way.  Tell him his focus should be elsewhere until things settle down some, this would certainly help to make it easier on you, since he tugs at your heartstrings.

I know how you feel about not wanting to date because of the inevitable disclosure.  It was a difficult hump for me to get over, but a few years back, I got fed up with being alone.  I put an ad on Match.com and started dating.  I thought that the socializing would be good, and who was to say that "I" might not like the dates I had?  I told myself I also had the right to choose, and didn't just discount myself because I was pos.  Sure, I felt like I finally had to nudge myself a little if I felt there was chemistry with someone.  Many ran, a few stayed, and I've had 3 LTRs since my husband died, all with HIV- guys.  It takes patience and confidence Sun, but you're headed in the right direction.  You'll get there!

For Sun..............

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lg8EhCphE5w

~Cindy
« Last Edit: October 20, 2007, 01:57:36 AM by MOONLIGHT1114 »
HIV+ since '93, 1/12 - CD4 785 and undet.   WOO-HOO!!

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Re: Dating Thread Part VIII: Brain-dead, Blusey and Befuddled
« Reply #77 on: October 20, 2007, 06:29:34 AM »
Good morning ladies:

Sun, I have to agree with our Cin here about Cop#1.  I would tell him to get his own life straightened out before you could even think about being involved with him.  You never know, he might go back to his wife.  And do you really want to be involved in a relationship with someone who left a woman who's carrying his child?  He might do it to you if you two got involved.

Cin, I love that song!  I couldn't turn it all the way up, as it is only 6:30 a.m. here, but believe me, I got up out of my chair and boogied to it!  I know you posted it for Sun, but let me tell you, I enjoyed it as well.  Hmmmm, you're going to be making brownies, eh?  I can smell them from here!

I'm so glad it's the weekend.  Today I'm going to color my roots, clean my apartment, do my dad's shopping and pick up a girl I sponsor.  We're going to go to a potluck/AA speaker meeting.  I usually go to NA, but I know the speaker at the AA meeting, and I want to hear her.  Then we're going to go over my sponsee's step she's been working on.  So that's my day.  I hope all you other ladies are doing alright. 
I've never killed anyone, but I frequently get satisfaction reading the obituary notices.-Clarence Darrow

Offline Queen Tokelove

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Re: Dating Thread Part VIII: Brain-dead, Blusey and Befuddled
« Reply #78 on: October 20, 2007, 05:08:06 PM »
Really nothing exciting has happened but last night was quite the shocker. My sister stopped over last night, you know the one who has coined me the aids infested bitch. I thought she might have come over to talk about my son but he never came up once during the time she was here. We actually had a civil conversation, she stayed for about an hour. I don't know what to make of this and is waiting for the other shoe to drop.

I am also wondering about my gas bill. I have been here for almost 2 months now and no bill. The last time I spoke with the gas company was when I was told that the deposit would be waived and I would have service. I am wondering if this is because I called the Federal Trade Commission and The Public Utility Commission on them and told the Commission that I was diabetic as well as +. I mean we have gotten our other bills for the past 2 months. I'm not complaining but am just saying.

My roomie has gotten called for jury duty. Most dread to get called for that but is something that I would love to be a part of. Maybe it's because I have no life or has been watching too much CSI, I don't know...I will be camped out in front of the telly and watching Sci Fi since it is the beginning of the 13 days of Halloween. Have a good day, girls..... :-*
Started Atripla/Ziagen on 9/13/07.
10/31/07 CD4-265 VL- undetectable
2/6/08 CD4- 401 VL- undetectable
5/7/08 CD4- 705 VL- undetectable
6/4/08 CD4- 775 VL- undetectable
8/6/08 CD4- 805 VL- undetectable
11/13/08 CD4- 774 VL--undetectable
2/4/09  CD4- 484  VL- 18,000 (2 months off meds)
3/3/09---Starting Back on Meds---
4/27/09 CD4- 664 VL-- undetectable
6/17/09 CD4- 438 VL- 439
8/09 CD4- 404 VL- 1,600
01-22-10-- CD4- 525 VL- 59,000
Cherish the simple things life has to offer

The Royal Blog

Offline Queen Tokelove

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Re: Dating Thread Part VIII: Brain-dead, Blusey and Befuddled
« Reply #79 on: October 20, 2007, 10:21:03 PM »
I guess I am just adding on here. A few months back someone here on the forums sent something for my son but he couldn't use them. He said if my son couldn't to give them to goodwill or something. I held on to them but the other day came across an organization called FreeCycle. Not sure if any of you heard of this organization, Yahoo did an article on them. The point of the organization is to recycle whatever you may have lying around the house that you no longer have any use for or if there is something in particular you are looking for. I started a thread about it in Off Topic but it has gotten no replies, not sure how to take that but please check out their site. I'm sure they have a group in your perspective areas unless you live out of the US then I am not sure.

www.freecycle.org


Modified to add: It feels good to be able to help...Gonna see what else I can find around here.... ;)
« Last Edit: October 20, 2007, 10:23:16 PM by Queen Akasha »
Started Atripla/Ziagen on 9/13/07.
10/31/07 CD4-265 VL- undetectable
2/6/08 CD4- 401 VL- undetectable
5/7/08 CD4- 705 VL- undetectable
6/4/08 CD4- 775 VL- undetectable
8/6/08 CD4- 805 VL- undetectable
11/13/08 CD4- 774 VL--undetectable
2/4/09  CD4- 484  VL- 18,000 (2 months off meds)
3/3/09---Starting Back on Meds---
4/27/09 CD4- 664 VL-- undetectable
6/17/09 CD4- 438 VL- 439
8/09 CD4- 404 VL- 1,600
01-22-10-- CD4- 525 VL- 59,000
Cherish the simple things life has to offer

The Royal Blog

Offline MOONLIGHT1114

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Re: Dating Thread Part VIII: Brain-dead, Blusey and Befuddled
« Reply #80 on: October 20, 2007, 11:41:22 PM »
I give everything to Goodwill before the end of the year so that i can write it off on my taxes.  Considering the year I've had, this house is pretty empty.  Sheesh.

Its been a long day inside the house with Cheech.  He has gone outside to check the weather for me, though.  I'm going to have to start on Claritin or Allegra tomorrow.  I feel like I've had a cold for over two weeks.

I've been thinking about Stone and being unemployed, thinking something has got to give.  Just feeling kind of dumpy tonight, but I'll be like Stella and get my groove back.  I always seem to do just that.

 :-\

HIV+ since '93, 1/12 - CD4 785 and undet.   WOO-HOO!!

Offline vivyt

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Re: Dating Thread Part VIII: Brain-dead, Blusey and Befuddled
« Reply #81 on: October 21, 2007, 12:04:27 AM »
Hey everyone. I am looking for some advice. I guess you could say that I have been in denial about being positive and now I am just overwhelmed with it all. I'm just mad about being sick and everything that goes with it. I am lonely and feel like I will always be alone. My family is super optimistic but that sometimes gets on my nerves. This sucks and I want to be able to say that to someone. Did any of you go through something like this? Does it ever get easier? :-[

Sorry to complain but I figured this would be the place to do it.

Offline MOONLIGHT1114

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Re: Dating Thread Part VIII: Brain-dead, Blusey and Befuddled
« Reply #82 on: October 21, 2007, 12:42:26 AM »
Hi Viv~

Are you truly "sick" as in experiencing side effects from meds and having troubles?  Or is that just a general word you are using for being pos?  I ask because you can be pos without being "sick."  The first step into feeling better, if this is more of an emotional thing, is to not refer to yourself as being "sick" unless you are truly suffering from physical ailments.  There have been a lot of discussions in the Forums lately about the stigma that still exists with HIV.  The first place that you can smack that stigma down is with yourself.  Don't be so hard on yourself.  You aren't sick, you can LIVE with HIV as a chronic condition.  Focus on that and try to be hopeful.  I know its tough.  I have days when I am pissed off at the world because I have this virus.  I remind myself that what's done is done, and I am trying to take steps towards being a stronger person. 

Be grateful that your family is supportive and optimistic, maybe talk with them some about your feelings.  I can't really talk with my mother because she is very bitter about all of this, even after her 10 years of knowing.  But I still try, and some talks with her show progress at times.

Post your meds and your counts and let us know how you're doing.

Hang in there, we're here for you!

~Cindy
HIV+ since '93, 1/12 - CD4 785 and undet.   WOO-HOO!!

Offline Dragonette

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Re: Dating Thread Part VIII: Brain-dead, Blusey and Befuddled
« Reply #83 on: October 21, 2007, 05:37:34 AM »
Hola chickas,

My hand hurts today, i missed my physio Wed b/c of all the mess with the hospital. That was crazy, I just can't get over it and feel so lucky that i discovered the doctor's mistake or I would be getting the resistance from hell (which i pray to God I am not getting anyway).
The first day I was on the PIs, I felt so sick, just a general crappy feeling like the flu or something. I did drag myself to work and it was good that I did cos 2 of my collegues gave me presents, that was sweet, incidentally these are the two that know I am poz. Now I feel better, almost back to normal, although I know that this could change but I am enjoying it. Strangely, since I started the PIs, I find cigarettes really repulsive, even just the smell. So that's a good side...

Queen, what a cool person you are! I'll leave it at that at this point. Happy that your sister is getting in touch, but cautious. Anyway a good thing right? Oh yeah, check on the gas thing, here at least they just forget that you moved and bill your old place, or send you a megabill after a while...better look into it before it gets in a bigger tangle.

Cind, I am so so sorry things haven't worked out with that job, apparently. I wonder what happened there, why TF were they acting all thrilled about hiring you? What's UP with these people?! Anyway whatever it is, the labour world is full of wierdos in positions of power... I think b/c of the driving situation, you find yourself more limited. About S, you know what I think... I love ya, and I know you will get thru this rocky patch. But I am so sorry it's takes so long.

SS, just seconding Cind & Betty here... forget about him, in a way lucky that you have the disclosure thing going on preventing you from getting closer... Just look after yourself cos he sure doesn't sound like someone who will...

What else can i say? I am extreemly behind @ work, my house is full of hairballs and fungus that needs to be killed with bleach and I am putting that off... the sheets haven't been changed in weeks... have I grossed you all out yet, or should I continue? I guess I should do some cleaning today, as dull as that is. And you know what they say, how your house looks is a relection of yourself (some would say how your workdesk looks is also)... well I have to be fogiving, the last weeks were awfully hard.

Viv, I hope you feel better, pyshically (if that is the problem), emotionally... I know this feeling of hiding from people, sometimes it's overwhelming, sometimes I don't mind so much. For me, telling a handful of people already made the difference. But I still get it a few times each months, the sense of isolation, even when I'm just in the supermarket on my own.

Sending a big hug down everyone's way. I am always reading and thinking of you.

« Last Edit: October 21, 2007, 05:40:26 AM by Dragonette »
"If you keep one foot in yesterday, and one in tomorrow, you piss all over today". Betty Tacy

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Re: Dating Thread Part VIII: Brain-dead, Blusey and Befuddled
« Reply #84 on: October 21, 2007, 06:03:34 AM »
Good morning ladies:
 
Just a quick note here.  I have to take a shower to get ready for church.  I have the girl I sponsor spending the night and I'm supposed to get her up in 1/2 an hour. 

Viv, I agree with what Cin said.  Just because you're HIV+ doesn't mean that you have to feel physically sick.  If it's emotional you're dealing with, then give it time.  May I also suggest a good therapist to help you through this rough patch?  I've had the same therapist since 1991, and he helped me alot.  I know these forums help, but there's nothing like having a real, live person there as well.  You'll get through this.  I would also like to see what your numbers are and what meds you're on.  This would give us a little better picture of what you're dealing with.  And yes, sometimes it is a pain in the ass to be around people who are upbeat, but understand, they're probably staying upbeat for your sake.  Inside they might not be feeling as upbeat as they put on.  I always try to see things from the other person's point of view as well as my own. 

Cin, something is going to give.  I just know it is.  You've got good karma and it's going to come back around.  Don't worry about Stone.  I'm sure he'll be in touch.

Queen, good idea about the recycle thing.  I always give my stuff to Goodwill or the Salvation Army.  I don't do it for tax purposes, I just do it because they're close by.  Sometimes I also donate good used clothing to the homeless center in my town, as long as I know it's going to the residents.

Well ladies, I'm off to take a shower.  I hope everyone is having a good morning.  Maybe I'll come back when my shower is done.  Love you all-
I've never killed anyone, but I frequently get satisfaction reading the obituary notices.-Clarence Darrow

Offline sunseeker

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Re: Dating Thread Part VIII: Brain-dead, Blusey and Befuddled
« Reply #85 on: October 21, 2007, 01:28:24 PM »
Hi Vivyt I am going through what you are going through right now.  Even though some of my friends know about my status they really don't understand what i am going through.  It makes it harder when they all have boyfriends, kids and spouses. I have not told my parents for fear of them worrying themselves sick.  I do get some relief from the forums, these are a bunch of strong and nice women who are here to give their advise and they are usually right.  I am tired of acting like I am OK and I am the same person that I was a year and 1/2 ago.  I know I should get into counseling but for some reason I can't bring myself to do that.  I guess I am still embarrassed about my situation. I have a date with a negative guy tonight and I don't even want to go.  I would rather say at home being depressed that sounds like more fun.  My friend says I need to go and it would be good to get back in the game, but I find it hard to get excited about possibly liking someone and knowing that one day I will have to tell about my status.  My friend really wants me to get into counseling and says that I need to learn to love myself before I can have a loving relationship.  I know she is right but just not sure why I can't make that jump to talk to someone.  Well, I guess the point of this post was to let you know that there are other people going through what you are going through and there are others that have gotten past this hump and we need to learn from eachother.  If you ever want to talk feel free to PM me and we can exchange email addresses.  xoxox

Offline Dragonette

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Re: Dating Thread Part VIII: Brain-dead, Blusey and Befuddled
« Reply #86 on: October 21, 2007, 02:03:49 PM »
Hi Sun

I hope you have a good time on your date. I know the HIV is like this explosive piece of info waiting to be detonated. I know... I have been there. Just take it one step at a time. You deserve to go out and have fun with a guy, at the very least. Then when you see what sort of person it is, you can see if you trust him with this information.

None of us know the future, I also never believed that someone could overlook HIV and be with me, and neither did any other poz woman that I personally know. But, there are surprises...

Hope you have fun, Officer!  ;)
"If you keep one foot in yesterday, and one in tomorrow, you piss all over today". Betty Tacy

Offline Queen Tokelove

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Re: Dating Thread Part VIII: Brain-dead, Blusey and Befuddled
« Reply #87 on: October 21, 2007, 03:20:14 PM »
Afternoon Ladies---- :-*

Instead of answering things individually, I'll just talk. It saves me time and my mouse is acting crazy again since I reformatted my computer. Thanks for the compliment, Dragonette. I just try to live one day at a time and treat people how I would like to be treated. As for the gas company, I plan on giving them a call sometime next week. But even with talking with them, I know my gas bill for these past 2 months shouldn't be bad at all.


Now how to say this about my virus. When I first got the news, it was a major blow like it would be for anyone. I kept asking myself why me and to this day I still don't have an answer. But I stopped looking for one and accepted that I have this virus and it is not going anywhere. I guess what I want to say to you ladies who are stressing right now is that you have to try to come to terms with it all and just accept it. And I believe you will in time. Some can deal with this on their own and some need professional help to deal with it. If you feel you need professional help then please get the help you need. Don't think because I may be sounding so calm about it that it is an easy thing, it's not and it took me a great deal of time to get to the point that I am today. For me, it was about acceptance. I still have my bouts with lonliness but I just try to stay optimistic. But I will give a lot of credit to the people on this site. To have read about their experiences puts a lot of things in perspective for me. I will keep you ladies in my prayers and hope things get easier for you.

I am off for now, I have to go give my kitty Lucifer a bath. I hope you all have a good day....
Started Atripla/Ziagen on 9/13/07.
10/31/07 CD4-265 VL- undetectable
2/6/08 CD4- 401 VL- undetectable
5/7/08 CD4- 705 VL- undetectable
6/4/08 CD4- 775 VL- undetectable
8/6/08 CD4- 805 VL- undetectable
11/13/08 CD4- 774 VL--undetectable
2/4/09  CD4- 484  VL- 18,000 (2 months off meds)
3/3/09---Starting Back on Meds---
4/27/09 CD4- 664 VL-- undetectable
6/17/09 CD4- 438 VL- 439
8/09 CD4- 404 VL- 1,600
01-22-10-- CD4- 525 VL- 59,000
Cherish the simple things life has to offer

The Royal Blog

Offline vivyt

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Re: Dating Thread Part VIII: Brain-dead, Blusey and Befuddled
« Reply #88 on: October 22, 2007, 12:24:14 AM »
Thanks for the words of hope. I guess I should have been more clear about using the word "sick". I am not physically sick right now. Over the summer I was recovering from pneumonia after finding out I was HIV positive. Once I felt physically better I just kind of tucked worry of being diagnosed. I was kind of in denial about the whole thing. Now it is really hitting me. I have only known for about 5 months. I have been seeing a therapist for about a year for other issues and she has been really good. So basically, I am just feeling the anger and emotion of it now. You know there are days when I am like "What's the point?" None of my coworkers or my friends know so it makes it difficult sometimes.

I just want to know if any of you experienced this kind of feeling and how did you get past it? I know that my life can be wonderful but it's difficult to see the light at the end of the tunnel. I hope I am making sense and you know what I am talking about.

Offline MOONLIGHT1114

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Re: Dating Thread Part VIII: Brain-dead, Blusey and Befuddled
« Reply #89 on: October 22, 2007, 12:30:21 AM »
Hi Viv~

I have been pos since '93 and have always had some tough emotions to deal with.  They haven't gone away or changed, but "I" have changed.  I have become stronger, I have matured, I have become more knowledgeable, I am more confident, and recently I have started to not care so much what others think.  I am taking small steps towards really coming out about my status.  I don't want it to have this power over me.  I want to be ME again and not feel trapped by the stigma of this disease.  I am getting there.  The virus isn't going to change, so I have to.  I am changing ME for the better.  Hang in there and be patient with yourself and remember its OK to have a messed up day.  Things aren't perfect, especially where this virus is concerned.  You have to try and be on top of your game and do the very best that you can for yourself.  You will get stronger over time.  Just know that what you are feeling is normal.  :)

~Cindy
HIV+ since '93, 1/12 - CD4 785 and undet.   WOO-HOO!!

Online BT65

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Re: Dating Thread Part VIII: Brain-dead, Blusey and Befuddled
« Reply #90 on: October 22, 2007, 06:10:24 AM »
Good morning ladies:

Viv, the way to get past emotions for me is to just feel them and talk about them.  And don't stop talking until you feel better.  Just know that the people who tell you to "be positive" are only wishing you well.  Of course they don't know what you're going through, but they probably can't think of anything else to say.  We're here to listen, so just don't stop talking.  Identify your feelings.  Maybe even write about them, like in a journal.  It can be amazing if you start a journal and then look back on it say a year from now and see how far you've come.  That's a good way to keep track of your progress.  Then on the days that you feel like you're lagging behind, you can look back and think "Wow, I have come a long way."  Just a suggestion.  I used to journal all the time and should probably get back into it.

Well, the girl I sponsor was over for the weekend.  She is very high-maintenance.  She talks a blue streak and jumps from one subject to the next.  I have a feeling she's a little ADD (not ADHD).  But, maybe she was just nervous.  We went to a meeting Saturday and I took her to my church Sunday.  I also took her out to lunch yesterday, then we came back to my apartment.  Then my granddaughter called and wanted to come over, and of course I said "sure."  So the girl I sponsor took a nap and my granddaughter and I watched a movie.  The girl I sponsor lives at a place called "The Hope Rescue Mission."  Her alcoholism took her pretty far down.  She also has to have a hysterectomy next Monday because of endometriosis.  She's pretty nervous about that.  Which I would be also.  It was a good weekend though.  It just went by entirely too fast.

I hope all you ladies have a wonderful day.  I'm going to read a few more threads and get ready for work.  Love to you all-
I've never killed anyone, but I frequently get satisfaction reading the obituary notices.-Clarence Darrow

Offline camille07

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Re: Dating Thread Part VIII: Brain-dead, Blusey and Befuddled
« Reply #91 on: October 22, 2007, 08:11:27 AM »
Happy Monday  Ladies-

Happy belated birthday drag.  I was away for the weekend, West Palm Beach Florida for  a wedding.  It was really incredibly beautiful but it was not the smoothest of trips.  I arrived in FL. at 2 am and had to wake up for an 11:30 WOOHOOO....not.

I went through so many ranges of emotions sitting on the delayed plane, staring out the window and listening to my ipod.  I thought a lot about the people on the forums, about life, about why the "hell" was I feel so melancholy when I was about to take off...or at least so I thought.  Oh, and I got stuck between the piggy snorer to my left and the sneezer to my right...yuck!

Lots more to talk about and reply to you all, but must get working

Hugs Cammie





Offline Dragonette

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Re: Dating Thread Part VIII: Brain-dead, Blusey and Befuddled
« Reply #92 on: October 22, 2007, 08:15:51 AM »
Oh, and I got stuck between the piggy snorer to my left and the sneezer to my right...yuck!

I hear ya... been there many times, or other variations (the seat kicking kiddies in the back with the over zealous mom). The battle for the armrest... I think the middle seat should be illegal.

Glad to see you back Cammie and looking forward to your posts when you settle down.

get some rest..  :-*
"If you keep one foot in yesterday, and one in tomorrow, you piss all over today". Betty Tacy

Offline sunseeker

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Re: Dating Thread Part VIII: Brain-dead, Blusey and Befuddled
« Reply #93 on: October 22, 2007, 10:53:01 PM »
Hi Girls

I had the most wonderful date last night.  My friend fixed me up with him.  She has been friends with him for 10 years and in all of that time we have never crossed paths.  Maybe because he was married, he is now divorced and back in the dating field.  He was gorgeous, he came early for the date, walked in like a knight and shining armor.  I was not nervous at all, because I was going into it with the outlook of a new friend and possible roommate.  Well, we hit off and laughed till 7am in the morning.  Now I know what you are thinking ladies and no I did not sleep with him.  We kissed and snuggled all from about 12 am till 3pm and then fell asleep on the couch in each others arms.  He kept telling me how amazing I was and considering the relationships that I have and how positive I was about meeting new people.  I was really proud of myself and told him that I was not looking to jump into a relationship and I have put up some barriers and really want to take the time to get to know someone and I hope by snuggling and a kiss that I did not lead him on.  I told him that I wanted to enjoy getting to know him since we will never get that back before taking it to the next level. He said that he agreed completely and did not feel like I was leading him on in anyway.  So my hope is that he will get to know me and like me for me and want to become educated about being with someone who his positive.  I have not made a decision to tell him that I am positive and will determine when the right moment is.  I have decided to put my feelings first and not jump the gun and feel like I need to tell him right away.  Well, nonetheless he is coming over for dinner tomorrow.  I would love any feed back good or bad I my decision to wait on disclosure.

Offline emeraldize

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Re: Dating Thread Part VIII: Brain-dead, Blusey and Befuddled
« Reply #94 on: October 22, 2007, 11:23:38 PM »
...fell asleep on the couch in each others arms.

...and having dinner tomorrow night?

Does it get any sunnier than this SunSeeker? I suspect not.

Enjoy!

Offline MOONLIGHT1114

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Re: Dating Thread Part VIII: Brain-dead, Blusey and Befuddled
« Reply #95 on: October 22, 2007, 11:52:14 PM »
I was really proud of myself and told him that I was not looking to jump into a relationship and I have put up some barriers and really want to take the time to get to know someone and I hope by snuggling and a kiss that I did not lead him on.  I told him that I wanted to enjoy getting to know him since we will never get that back before taking it to the next level.

Wow, Sun!  I love those words you posted!  Its good to remember that YOU have the right to choose, too, not just him.  I am so happy for you!  Enjoy this!  Enjoy his company and maybe in a few weeks, if the time is right tell him, whenever you're ready!

Big smiles for you here tonight!   :D  Saw your other post, print out the Transmission Thread here for him and go over it together when the time is right.

~ Cindy
HIV+ since '93, 1/12 - CD4 785 and undet.   WOO-HOO!!

Offline SecretKeeper

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Re: Dating Thread Part VIII: Brain-dead, Blusey and Befuddled
« Reply #96 on: October 23, 2007, 01:06:20 AM »
Hi Ladies!  Never posted under the "dating" thread before (I guess since I'm married) but figured I could use some ranting and raving of my own. 

Hmmmm.  Where to begin?

Okay.  I see that Christine has passed away.  I did not know her, but I feel everyone's sorrow in her passing.  I read the thread her husband posted and cried.  It's just weird to think that HIV will eventually get the best of me like it did her.  And young...it's hard to picture someone so young passing away.  And I guess that had really got me thinking.  What am I really dealing with now.  Everyone's focus is on LIVING with HIV, but I'm the kind of girl who likes to expect the worst and pray for the best.  I guess that way I'm never disappointed.  Anyway, my counts are great right now CD4 678, VL 4100, 33%, but what do you think I could expect in the next years or 5 years or 10 years?  Is it inevitable that at some point I will be hospitalized by an OI?  When do yucky things start happening?  When will I "look" like I have HIV?  I just want to be prepared I guess.  Kinda like that little thing Cindy had mentioned giving to her parents.  Even though my husband is also poz he refuses to discuss things like that with me.  We have 2 very young children and I don't want things to be left up in the air.  We have no life insurance, no will, nothing.  It just has so many thoughts swirlling in my head it has been causing me to have trouble sleeping.

So, in reference to Viv - even though my husband is poz, I feel like he doesn't really understand either.  And we have told our parents, our siblings and a select few of our close friends and I went out on a limb and told my boss.  Everyone thus far has been very understanding and open-minded.  I find that my biggest issue in dealing with this is disclosure.  Who to tell and when.  I wouldn't care if everyone I knew knew, but I have to think of my husband and my kids and the rest of my family.  And I know eventually I'm going to get an awful reaction from someone - I'd just rather have it be me than to have someone tell my daughter that her friend can't come to our house because her parents are poz.  It's not her fault.  It's no ones fault.  It's just the way the cookie crumbled.  Life has given me a giant lemon and I'm gonna eat it whole!  (I love lemons!)

Okay I am quite the rambler.  Sorry.

Sun - I miss the days of snuggling and the nervous excitement of a first date - I'm glad all went well for ya!  I'm re-living those days through all you dating ladies so keep the great details coming!!!

I'm not sure if it was okay for me to just butt in like this, but I figured it's the only way I can get started.   ;)

Offline Queen Tokelove

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Re: Dating Thread Part VIII: Brain-dead, Blusey and Befuddled
« Reply #97 on: October 23, 2007, 03:44:47 AM »
Damn Sun, I am so happy for you. I don't think you said anything wrong to your date at all. Your evening sounded sweet and very romantic. I say enjoy it to the fullest. I agree with you about the disclosure part too, take the time to know him. I don't think there is a rush to disclose just yet. Do it when you feel you are ready.

Considering that Secret and other women that read this thread are prolly married maybe we should consider changing it from being called a dating thread to something else. They shouldn't be left out because like Secret, I am sure they would like to vent just as much as we single ladies do if not more. And I don't consider you butting in at all Secret. From your point of view it would be considered the married perspective so by all means chime in more often.

I really need some advice here ladies. There is this guy who stays with a friend of mine and her bf. I told Cindy about him briefly. One day he saw me over my friend's house and told her he was interested in me. I am kinda blown away because after I did see him, I really don't ever remember seeing him over there. Anyhoo, he is Puerto Rican which is not a problem for me but he is kinda shy. We have tried to communicate thru text messaging and today was actually the first day that we actually talked on the phone. It wasn't a bad conversation but I am wondering how to deal with him because of the fact that he is shy. And as you all well know, I am very outspoken. He is suppose to come over on Friday but what if he clams up? Talking on the phone is one thing and I hate to try to force a conversation out of someone. But at the same time I am hoping since he is interested, he will have something to say. I am not hoping for the worst to happen but then maybe I am just nervous because it has been over 2 years since I have even been with anyone, not in a sexual sense, though it has been 2 years there too but as in dating. And in other news, the last person I was with as in my ex has recently gotten married....to someone older than me and has 4 kids...

Well, I am off, it is almost 4 am and I am late taking my meds for tonight because me and the roomie was at a mutual friend's house and didn't get in til late. I am not gonna skip taking them since I haven't technically gone to bed yet....Night or should I say Good Morning......
Started Atripla/Ziagen on 9/13/07.
10/31/07 CD4-265 VL- undetectable
2/6/08 CD4- 401 VL- undetectable
5/7/08 CD4- 705 VL- undetectable
6/4/08 CD4- 775 VL- undetectable
8/6/08 CD4- 805 VL- undetectable
11/13/08 CD4- 774 VL--undetectable
2/4/09  CD4- 484  VL- 18,000 (2 months off meds)
3/3/09---Starting Back on Meds---
4/27/09 CD4- 664 VL-- undetectable
6/17/09 CD4- 438 VL- 439
8/09 CD4- 404 VL- 1,600
01-22-10-- CD4- 525 VL- 59,000
Cherish the simple things life has to offer

The Royal Blog

Offline MOONLIGHT1114

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Re: Dating Thread Part VIII: Brain-dead, Blusey and Befuddled
« Reply #98 on: October 23, 2007, 05:16:08 AM »
Hi GFs~

Its no prob posting here, Secret, it doesn't matter what type of relationship we are in (or not), I feel that everyone's input is valuable.  For me persoanlly, I only have a select few close friends, so I haven't had many to disclose to.  At work, I would never disclose to anyone for fear it could backfire in my face, and then I would have to make things awkward for everyone.  I haven't been afraid to speak up much at all lately, lol.  I'm not working now, but was just thinking in terms of my last job....That advance directive you were referring to is a booklet that I got from my Health Dept. called "Five Wishes."  You can probably google it to find out more.  Reminds me, I still need to fill mine out.

Please don't think that you are going to get an OI in the next 5 or 10 years, we are all so different with this virus and how it affects our bodies.  In all likelihood, this is prob my 15th year being pos, and I have never had any trouble where I've had to go to the hospital.  I've been on meds since '95 and they have been my saving grace.  Our dear Christine was resistant to all meds, unfortunately, and its so unfair that such a good person had to be overtaken by this virus.  She fought hard until the end, as best she could, without the meds being of any help to her.  I just can't imagine that.  God Bless Christine.

Queen~ I'm gonna call your guy PR for Puerto Rican, for short.  Or maybe we can call him Rico, like the one I was trying to meet earlier this year, lol, remember?  Is he coming over just to see you?  Or are a bunch of friends coming over?  Not sure if this is a formal get-together for the two of you or just everyone hanging around.  Do what you can to include him in the conversation.  Lord knows I hate a shy guy, its like pulling teeth.  If you can get him to crack a smile its a start, but if he is a bundle of nerves the entire night, oh goodness, just start being your crazy self with your humor and see what his reaction is, lol!  Let us know how it goes!

I went to bed much earlier tonight with a heating pad on my rib.  I coughed so hard over the weekend that it had become very sore by earlier this evening.  The cough has subsided some, thank goodness, but I am blowing my nose now, so maybe this IS a cold (and not allergies) that has just taken its sweet time to run its course.  I nearly blew my nose off yesterday being so congested.  Its tough to lay down and get up, to cough, sneeze and blow my nose, as the soreness is so bad it woke me from my sleep as I was trying to roll over tonight.

I lit my candle for Christine at 2pm yesterday and it didn't get blown out until midnight.  I wore my Minnie Mouse ears too, and prayed for an hour yesterday between 2pm and 3pm.  I kept thinking about how overwhelming all of this was for me, for all of us here.  I can't imagine people like Moffie who have known 180 people that have died of this over the years.  The thought is unbearable.  I knew my husband, and from the Forums I knew Christine, and that's it.  That's two people too much. 

I am going to call that really good job near my home one last time tomorrow and put a bug in their ear, and that will be it.  I think its worth one last try since the GM and I thought that I would be such a good fit there.

OK, Cheech is here snoring, wish I was.  Going back to bed with my sore rib self.  Good night GFs.

~Cindy

« Last Edit: October 23, 2007, 05:21:05 AM by MOONLIGHT1114 »
HIV+ since '93, 1/12 - CD4 785 and undet.   WOO-HOO!!

Online BT65

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Re: Dating Thread Part VIII: Brain-dead, Blusey and Befuddled
« Reply #99 on: October 23, 2007, 05:56:03 AM »
Good morning ladies:

Sun, it sounds like you finally met someone nice.  Just go with the flow and I think you'll probably know when to disclose. 

Secret, it's really alright to post here if you're married.  I'm not dating anyone right now.  There's no hard and fast rules about posting here (unless it's a man).  And please don't worry about getting sick.  That could be a long, long ways off.  As long as the meds are working for you, everything should be alright.  I've had a couple OIs, but that was years ago, back when they used to megadose people with AZT.  So, I wouldn't worry.  One thing I try never to do is project.  I don't know the future, and if I thought about it, I would make myself sick.  I can only take little spaces of time.  Because that's all I have. 

Queen, what to do with the shy guy.  I can't say I've ever experienced anyone who was shy; some quiet, but not shy.  Since you're outgoing, you can probably break the ice.  Ask him questions about himself.  Maybe that'll start things rolling.

Cin, I've been to a lot of people's funerals.  I got involved with the HIV community very early on (late 80's) when people were dying by the droves.  I can honestly say today people don't die nearly as often.  In the last two years, I've only been to two funerals of people who died because of HIV.  Before that, way too many.  I miss Christine.  I didn't light a candle here.  On Notre Dame's campus, there is a grotto that I might go to this weekend where I can light a candle and pray for awhile.  That's a good idea.

Other than that, nothing new or exciting to report.  I haven't talked to Liz for about a week.  We're both busy with working and going to school.  I start new classes this week.  I'm taking "College Algebra" and "Child and Adolescent Psychology."  Believe me, if the algebra wasn't required, I wouldn't take it.  I really suck at math.  It took me two years to pass algebra in high school.  And then I only passed it because the teacher was tutoring me.  Of course, being on drugs could have had something to do with it. ::)  Anyway, I hope all you ladies have a great day!
I've never killed anyone, but I frequently get satisfaction reading the obituary notices.-Clarence Darrow

 


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