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Author Topic: Give and Take - feeling burnt out  (Read 4046 times)

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Offline gemini20

  • Member
  • Posts: 265
Give and Take - feeling burnt out
« on: October 09, 2007, 10:34:37 AM »
I've not been participating in the forums recently because for some reason I just feel unable to 'give' any more - even the simplest words of love and support that I would want to share with those who've been dealing with some very difficult situations over recent times have just not been possible to express.

I wonder if this is what 'burn-out' feels like. I remember in the early years of my diagnosis hearing about volunteers at the ASO getting burnt out but never really understanding the concept.

All I know is that my capacity to 'give' to people here on the Forums feels woefully inadequate at the moment and rather than do anything half-hearted or without integrity I have withdrawn from contributing which consequently makes me feel that I must be really selfish and uncaring.

I do know that I am using up a lot of emotional energy giving my HIV talks to young people in schools as well as the physical energy needed to travel around the country and that workload is just increasing over the next couple of months with 30 more schools to visit.

I value these forums greatly and want to be a more active participant again but at the moment I know that my inner strength as well as my physical health is struggling to keep up with the demands I'm placing on it

Consequently I feel my ability to empathise, offer understanding or support or just send a cyber-hug to someone in need, seems to be lost. I do feel that I have in some way 'shut-down' or become disconnected from my emotional self and that makes it near impossible to connect on any meaningful level with anyone else.

Of course it is sods law that I need these forums more than ever right now as reluctantly I will be starting back on meds as of next Monday but I don't want to 'take' if I cannot 'give' so I will adjust to the joys/horrors(?) of Ritonavir, Prezista and Truvada alone and hopefully in time I will regain some degree of connection to the wider world and you will see me back here on a more regular basis.

Best wishes,

Diagnosed 11th September 1991
Current CD4 count 484 (26%); viral load undetectable (December 2011).
Restarting boosted Prezista 08/04/11

Offline northernguy

  • Member
  • Posts: 1,347
Re: Give and Take - feeling burnt out
« Reply #1 on: October 09, 2007, 10:38:14 AM »
Enjoy your well-deserved break.  Hopefully you'll come back recharged when you are ready.  Wishing you an easy transition back to being on meds.
Apr 28/06 cd4 600 vl 10,600 cd% 25
Nov 8/09 cd4 510 vl 49,5000 cd% 16
Jan 16/10 cd4 660 vl 54,309 cd% 16
Feb 17/10 Started Atripla
Mar 7/10 cd4 710 vl 1,076 cd% 21
Apr 18/10 cd4 920 vl 268 cd% 28
Jun 19/10 cd4 450 vl 60 cd% 25
Aug 15/10 cd4 680 vl 205 cd% 27
Apr 3/11 cd4 780 vl <40 cd% 30
Jul 17/11 cd4 960 vl <40 cd%33
April 15/12 cd4 1,010 vl <40 cd% 39
April 20/12 Switched to Viramune + Truvada
Aug 2/12 cd4 1040, vl <40, cd% 38
Oct 19 cd4 1,110 vl <40 cd% 41

Offline jkinatl2

  • Member
  • Posts: 6,007
  • Doo. Dah. Dipp-ity.
Re: Give and Take - feeling burnt out
« Reply #2 on: October 09, 2007, 10:47:26 AM »
Trust me, Emma. I get it. I'm right there with you.

"Many people, especially in the gay community, turn to oral sex as a safer alternative in the age of AIDS. And with HIV rates rising, people need to remember that oral sex is safer sex. It's a reasonable alternative."

-Kimberly Page-Shafer, PhD, MPH

Welcome Thread

Offline komnaes

  • Member
  • Posts: 1,899
Re: Give and Take - feeling burnt out
« Reply #3 on: October 09, 2007, 10:49:27 AM »

I am still a newbie but have read many of your posts here, following your stories on giving talks to the younger generations is such an inspiration.

I wish you the best with the meds and I for one would like to see you here - sort of the big giving tree for me now - more often.

Hugs, Shaun
Aug 07 Diagnosed
Oct 07 CD4=446(19%) Feb 08 CD4=421(19%)
Jun 08 CD4=325(22%) Jul 08 CD4=301(18%)
Sep 08 CD4=257/VL=75,000 Oct 08 CD4=347(16%)
Dec 08 CD4=270(16%)
Jan 09 CD4=246(13%)/VL=10,000
Feb 09 CD4=233(15%)/VL=13,000
Started meds Sustiva/Epzicom
May 09 CD4=333(24%)/VL=650
Aug 09 CD4=346(24%)/VL=UD
Nov 09 CD4=437(26%)/VL=UD
Feb 10 CD4=471(31%)/VL=UD
June 10 CD4=517 (28%)/VL=UD
Sept 10 CD4=687 (31%)/VL=UD
Jan 11 CD4=557 (30%)/VL=UD
April 11 CD4=569 (32%)/VL=UD
Switched to Epizcom, Reyataz and Norvir
(Interrupted for 2 months with only Epizcom & Reyataz)
July 11 CD=520 (28%)/VL=UD
Oct 11 CD=771 (31%)/VL=UD(<30)
April 12 CD=609 (28%)/VL=UD(<20)
Aug 12 CD=657 (29%)/VL=UD(<20)
Dec 12 CD=532 (31%)/VL=UD(<20)
May 13 CD=567 (31%)/VL=UD(<20)
Jan 14 CD=521 (21%)/VL=UD(<50)

Offline Robert

  • Member
  • Posts: 2,658
Re: Give and Take - feeling burnt out
« Reply #4 on: October 09, 2007, 11:35:32 AM »

you take care of yourself.  Take care of your kids.  We'll always be here and you will never---ever---be far from our thoughts. 

and, oh, good luck with the meds.  We know you and meds.  It's not pretty.


Offline MSPspud

  • Member
  • Posts: 613
  • Joined Mar 2005 - Formerly UofMurbs
Re: Give and Take - feeling burnt out
« Reply #5 on: October 09, 2007, 11:55:01 AM »
Hi Emma -  I wish you all the best in starting your new regimen.  I am on Prezista and have been pleasantly surprised at how well I tolerate it compared to other PI's.  I hope the same holds true for you.  Take care of yourself while you're away!

Offline penguin

  • Member
  • Posts: 747
  • The Penguin Whisperer
Re: Give and Take - feeling burnt out
« Reply #6 on: October 09, 2007, 12:36:56 PM »
what jk said.

be here when you can, eh? good luck with the new stuff - kate x

ps, prezista has been dead easy, like sugar pill, side effects wise for me

Offline englishgirl

  • Member
  • Posts: 387
Re: Give and Take - feeling burnt out
« Reply #7 on: October 09, 2007, 03:00:05 PM »
hey emma
you cant be all things to all people all of the time, and especially at a time when you are low on energy and finding things difficult. maybe now is the time to just 'take' the support of others for a bit, we all know that it's been tough for you recently
lots of love (and good luck with the new regime)


"I'm not keen on the idea of the afterlife - not without knowing who else will be there and what the entertainment will be. Personally I'd rather just take a rest." Oscar Berger, PWA: Looking AIDS in the Face, 1996. RIP.

Offline Jeffreyj

  • Member
  • Posts: 1,403
Re: Give and Take - feeling burnt out
« Reply #8 on: October 09, 2007, 07:03:15 PM »
I don't think that you understand how hard you do work! I did one speech last year, and it knocked me on my ass. And it was only a simple 5 minute drive! I simply can't imagine doing what you do. It takes up an amazing amount of energy. I respect you so very much. I am in awe that you have done this. And the fact that you do several dozens of these speeches, while traveling hours in some cases. One word comes to mind: WOW! You really are something special.
And now, on top of that, your going back on meds! It is totally understandable you may be feeling a bit "Burnt out.

Just take care of yourself. We will be here for you when you need us.

Lots of love to you Emma.

Positive since 1985

Offline leatherman

  • Member
  • Posts: 7,123
  • Google and HIV meds are Your Friends
Re: Give and Take - feeling burnt out
« Reply #9 on: October 10, 2007, 09:36:00 PM »

 :-* from mikie, jim and the doggies
leatherman (aka mIkIE)

All the stars are flashing high above the sea
and the party is on fire around you and me
We're gonna burn this disco down before the morning comes
- Pet Shop Boys

chart from 1992-2015

Offline Life

  • Member
  • Posts: 2,389
  • Member 2005
Re: Give and Take - feeling burnt out
« Reply #10 on: October 11, 2007, 12:06:51 AM »
Emma,  we know you are here and we certainly know your plate is full with those kids, travel and now with a restart pending....  Contributing?? Just seeing that smiling face from time to time and just saying "hello" is enough for most of us...   



Offline Cliff

  • Member
  • Posts: 2,645
Re: Give and Take - feeling burnt out
« Reply #11 on: October 11, 2007, 07:45:21 AM »
Best of luck with your new regimen.  Rest easy.


Offline David_CA

  • Member
  • Posts: 3,246
  • Joined: March 2006
Re: Give and Take - feeling burnt out
« Reply #12 on: October 11, 2007, 09:02:04 AM »

As much as you give, don't feel like you can't 'take' as much as you need from these forums.  Do what you need for you.  Good luck with the meds.  Hopefully, some of what you're feeling is the virus itself, and the meds will improve that.  I know I feel much better on meds than I did months before starting.  Take care.

Black Friday 03-03-2006
03-23-06 CD4 359 @27.4% VL 75,938
06-01-06 CD4 462 @24.3% VL > 100,000
08-15-06 CD4 388 @22.8% VL >  "
10-21-06 CD4 285 @21.9% VL >  "
  Atripla started 12-01-2006
01-08-07 CD4 429 @26.8% VL 1872!
05-08-07 CD4 478 @28.1% VL 740
08-03-07 CD4 509 @31.8% VL 370
11-06-07 CD4 570 @30.0% VL 140
02-21-08 CD4 648 @32.4% VL 600
05-19-08 CD4 695 @33.1% VL < 48 undetectable!
08-21-08 CD4 725 @34.5%
11-11-08 CD4 672 @39.5%
02-11-09 CD4 773 @36.8%
05-11-09 CD4 615 @36.2%
08-19-09 CD4 770 @38.5%
11-19-09 CD4 944 @33.7%
02-17-10 CD4 678 @39.9%  
06-03-10 CD4 768 @34.9%
09-21-10 CD4 685 @40.3%
01-10-11 CD4 908 @36.3%
05-23-11 CD4 846 @36.8% VL 80
02-13-12 CD4 911 @41.4% VL<20
You must be the change you want to see in the world.  Mahatma Gandhi

Offline Iggy

  • Member
  • Posts: 2,434
Re: Give and Take - feeling burnt out
« Reply #13 on: October 11, 2007, 09:37:54 AM »

I don't equate quantity with quality. 

When you post, I always notice, and what you post, I always read and take to heart.

With love,


Offline aztecan

  • Member
  • Posts: 5,512
  • 31 years positive, 59 years a pain in the butt
Re: Give and Take - feeling burnt out
« Reply #14 on: October 11, 2007, 10:17:47 AM »
Hey Emma,

I can empathize with you on the burnout. It happens to everyone.

Don't worry about that. Just take a nice rest and get recharged.

Good luck with the new regimen.


"May your life preach more loudly than your lips."
~ William Ellery Channing (Unitarian Minister)

Offline mjmel

  • Member
  • Posts: 2,069
Re: Give and Take - feeling burnt out
« Reply #15 on: October 11, 2007, 10:41:50 AM »
Hi Emma. Hoping you success with the new medications.
When you have 'recharged' you will come back and offer your support, caring, wisdom and opinions. Sometimes we just need a pause. A time to grow or heal or rest.....whatever it may be-- it's just time to channel energies differently. Don't feel guilty--just come back and visit when you deem it right. Until then, it's enough that you are taking care of yourself so that you'll be here for the forum members, tomorrow.

Offline Alain

  • Member
  • Posts: 680
  • I am.
Re: Give and Take - feeling burnt out
« Reply #16 on: October 13, 2007, 02:02:07 PM »
Dear Emma,

I totally relate and have been feeling the same lately.

Take your time; always nice to hear from you, anytime.

Best of luck with your new drug regiment.


Offline david25luvit

  • Member
  • Posts: 1,409
  • Member since March 2005
Re: Give and Take - feeling burnt out
« Reply #17 on: October 14, 2007, 04:32:22 AM »

    You're in good company my dear....  I dare say we all feel that way from time to time
regardless of our own personal situation.  Sometimes its necessary to regroup or recharge
yourself...take this time and give yourself a little something.  Remember to love others we
must love ourselves too......

Sending you a big ole {{{{HUG}}}
In Memory of
Raymond David McRae III
Nov. 25, 1972- Oct. 15, 2004
I miss him terribly..........

Offline Miss Philicia

  • Member
  • Posts: 24,793
  • celebrity poster, faker & poser
Re: Give and Take - feeling burnt out
« Reply #18 on: October 14, 2007, 01:01:24 PM »
Emma, somehow I missed this thread of yours until today.  I don't think you should feel guilty about "burn out" -- you're going through a lot right now, knowing your past history of staying off meds and now you're about to dive in again, ALL at the same time as devoting so much energy (and love) to speaking at schools, a commendable activity.  If you feel you can not juggle both things I would hope you would err on the side of your own personal health.  You can always go back to speaking at schools when you regain some energy.

That said, I wish you well with your new HIV regimen.  Speaking from experience with Prezista from the past 18 months, it's a marvelous new med and I've had no side effects.  Truvada has also served me well, for a longer time though I forget when I began with that one.  I assume the Ritonavir (Norvir) is simply the booster amount for Prezista... can give you a bit of diarrhea but it's minimal.
"Iíve slept with enough men to know that Iím not gay"


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