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feeling helpless

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snoofle:
today was probably the first time that my boyfriend really cried about his parents..they both died from AIDs but it was always hard for me to even get him to mention anything..probably bc its such a different circumstance..its not like his parents died in an accident or something. anyways, i dont know what triggered it, but out of nowhere he started crying and kept telling me i would never understand what it feels like to be HIV positive and have no parents either. today was the first time ive ever felt this useless... :-[

Matty the Damned:
Snoof,

Grief is a terrible but varied thing. I'm a poz bod, but I wouldn't venture to try and understand the ghastly personal depths of your boyfriend's suffering here. And nor should you. He's right when he says you can't understand what it's like to be HIV positive and I can appreciate how powerless that makes you feel.

But you know, you do understand what it's like to be directly affected by this horrid virus. You are not useless. There is much you can do to help your sweetie through this arduous time. It requires patiences, strength and a strong will, all of which I suspect you possess.

MtD

xyahka:
He is right saying you can't undestand him... nor can i, his pain must be huge. Though sometimes we don't need to understand to be able to help... what we need is to be able to give love, support and time when others need it. Love can help to cure any wound.

Hugs to you. Stay with him.. and don't worry if you don't understand him... just keep on loving him, he will certainly appreciate that and he will definitely feel you closer.

Hugs, be strong my friend.

Juan Carlos

structuredjen:

--- Quote from: xyahka on October 08, 2007, 01:47:50 AM ---He is right saying you can't undestand him... nor can i, his pain must be huge. Though sometimes we don't need to understand to be able to help... what we need is to be able to give love, support and time when others need it. Love can help to cure any wound.

Hugs to you. Stay with him.. and don't worry if you don't understand him... just keep on loving him, he will certainly appreciate that and he will definitely feel you closer.


--- End quote ---

Juan Carlos is so right.  The hardest part for me has been accepting the fact that I can't understand, I can't "fix" it, and that all I can do is love my bf.  It's not easy at all.  But as the control-freak in me begins to accept this, our bond and my understanding is interestingly deeper and I'm starting not to feel so useless anymore.  I still feel like I'm just not doing enough, not being supportive enough.  But I think you'd be surprised to see just how much some plain old support really means to him.  I know I am.  :)

Hang in there-
Best wishes to you and your boyfriend,

Jen

water duck:
when you have someone telliing you ...........
............you will never understand.................
you feel inadequate, stupid, useless , etc  it is only normal  ;)

MtD had said it beautifully, there is nothing much to add , except that i like to bring your attention to the fact that he must have trusted you in order to permit himself to cry out to you !!
Maybe letting him grief, with you looking on,  could help both of you to know and value life; and also the love that is building.

SITTING there and doing nothing, you are doing something, you are doing nothing !! and if you read MtD's post he said YOU HAVE IT, i am echoing his wise words. WELL that is the hard part
.................DOING NOTHING.........................

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