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Author Topic: What am I supposed to do?  (Read 4095 times)

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Offline onebet

  • Member
  • Posts: 6
What am I supposed to do?
« on: October 04, 2007, 08:46:57 PM »
Hello,

My ex husband and the father of my two children has hiv.  He contracted while married to me and cheating on me.  We ended up divorcing two years later.  Now, he is involved with a woman who does not know he is positive.  I have tried and tried to convince him to tell her, but he won't.  I have no idea if he is using condoms or not.  I try to put it out of my head, but it always comes back to haunt me.  I am remarried and having a baby and have moved on but feel awful for this woman.  But on the other hand, feel it is none of my business.  What should I do?  I notified the health department and they would do nothing about it.  Should I just stay out of it or is this my problem?  I just feel like one day when she finds out she will be very angry at me.  In this state, it is not a felony to not tell, well it is not written in stone that it is, I suppose you could still bring charges against him for some other way.  Can she come afte rme for not telling her?  I guess I don't know what to do. Am I supposed to tell every girl he dates?  I feel really guilt and now he is LIVING with her...She is a mom with three children as well.....Thank you.....

Offline Matty the Damned

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  • Ninja Please
Re: What am I supposed to do?
« Reply #1 on: October 04, 2007, 08:55:33 PM »
Bet,

Matty the Damned believes that this is not your concern and you should stay out of it.

MtD

Offline Ann

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  • It just is, OK?
    • Num is sum qui mentiar tibi?
Re: What am I supposed to do?
« Reply #2 on: October 04, 2007, 09:34:39 PM »
One,

You've been coming to this forum for a couple years now, asking the same question and you keep getting the same answer. Have you not noticed? Or don't you bother to read the replies you get, or are you hoping one of us is going to give you the green light you seek? Don't bet on it.

Nobody can "come after" you because you did not disclose your ex's hiv status to a third party. Frankly, it's none of your business.

For all you know, she might already know his status. You don't know what goes on behind closed doors and you certainly don't know if condoms are being used or not. Again, it's NONE of your business.

Perhaps it's time you got on with your own life and quit worrying about your ex's sex life. It's really none of your business!

Ann

PS - it's none of your business!
Condoms are a girl's best friend

Condom and Lube Info  



"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline onebet

  • Member
  • Posts: 6
Re: What am I supposed to do?
« Reply #3 on: October 04, 2007, 09:37:21 PM »
Thank you Ann.  I have not posted here for at least two years.  I just feel bad for her.  I know she does not know, because he has blatantly told me she does not know. 

Offline jkinatl2

  • Member
  • Posts: 6,007
  • Doo. Dah. Dipp-ity.
Re: What am I supposed to do?
« Reply #4 on: October 04, 2007, 09:41:24 PM »
And yet it still remains none of your business.

"Many people, especially in the gay community, turn to oral sex as a safer alternative in the age of AIDS. And with HIV rates rising, people need to remember that oral sex is safer sex. It's a reasonable alternative."

-Kimberly Page-Shafer, PhD, MPH

Welcome Thread

Offline Ann

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  • It just is, OK?
    • Num is sum qui mentiar tibi?
Re: What am I supposed to do?
« Reply #5 on: October 04, 2007, 09:48:03 PM »
one,

As I said, you keep asking us this question and you keep getting the same answer. Is it sinking in yet?

I get the feeling this is more about you wanting to get revenge on your ex. If you can't bring yourself to let this go and live your own life, then perhaps counseling is in order.

It's rather ironic that you're posting in a forum called "Someone I CARE About Has HIV". This forum is for people who want to help and support loved ones with hiv. It's NOT a forum to plot your ex's downfall.

Ann
« Last Edit: October 04, 2007, 09:50:55 PM by Ann »
Condoms are a girl's best friend

Condom and Lube Info  



"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline onebet

  • Member
  • Posts: 6
Re: What am I supposed to do?
« Reply #6 on: October 05, 2007, 10:43:45 AM »
I am not out to get revenge on my ex.  If I was, I would have told the last three girlfriends that he has done this to.  To be honest, it helps me when you all tell me it is none of my business, because then I say to myself, well I won't feel guilty if she gets it from him, even though I know he was putting her at risk.  I guess what I don't get is that people don't seem to care about other people at all anymore?  I have been told by my ex that his girlfriend is unaware of his status, she has told me she is on the pill (don't ask me why, she is very upfront with her life with me), so you can't tell me on top of that they are using condoms.  My ex has said to me that he is not lying to her at all because she has never asked him his status.  So, I guess this all just really bothers me.  That a woman is probally going to contract this from my ex and I am keeping his secret for him so his life does not blow up in smoke due to his lies... 

Offline mjmel

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  • Posts: 2,069
Re: What am I supposed to do?
« Reply #7 on: October 05, 2007, 10:59:58 AM »
Stay out of it.
xxx,
Mike

Offline Matty the Damned

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  • Posts: 12,228
  • Ninja Please
Re: What am I supposed to do?
« Reply #8 on: October 05, 2007, 05:06:53 PM »
Bet,

Really, on these matters we know what we're talking about. Just leave your ex and his new lover alone. This will only end horribly for all concerned.

Remember the mantra "It's none of your business".

Ya dig?

MtD

Offline Andy Velez

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  • Member
  • Posts: 24,562
Re: What am I supposed to do?
« Reply #9 on: October 06, 2007, 02:16:43 PM »
One, I recall when you first came here with essentially the same "problem."

Your ex-husband is just that: your EX/FORMER husband. The way I see it your interactions wiith him should be pretty much confined to being in relation to the children you share together. Now I know it's not always easy to keep relations with former significant others that neat, but if you keep that as the focus and your intention I think it might help. This intimate friendship with his current gf (and his former ones) doesn't sound like good boundaries to me.

How have you found developing a life of your own since the breakup and divorce? I do think if you focus on making your own life good it will be the best thing for all concerned, not the least your children.

You aren't your ex's wife, mother, moral monitor or anything else.

You're the mother of the children you created together. That's it.

Please clarify if I am missing something here.   
« Last Edit: October 06, 2007, 02:21:00 PM by Andy Velez »
Andy Velez

 


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