Quantcast

Subscribe to:
POZ magazine
E-newsletters
Join POZ: Facebook MySpace Twitter Pinterest
Tumblr Google+ Flickr MySpace
POZ Personals
Sign In / Join
Username:
Password:
Welcome, Guest. Please login or register.
April 17, 2014, 01:07:50 AM

Login with username, password and session length


Members
Stats
  • Total Posts: 619945
  • Total Topics: 46706
  • Online Today: 209
  • Online Ever: 585
  • (January 07, 2014, 02:31:47 PM)
Users Online

Welcome


Welcome to the POZ/AIDSmeds Community Forums, a round-the-clock discussion area for people with HIV/AIDS, their friends/family/caregivers, and others concerned about HIV/AIDS.  Click on the links below to browse our various forums; scroll down for a glance at the most recent posts; or join in the conversation yourself by registering on the left side of this page.

Privacy Warning:  Please realize that these forums are open to all, and are fully searchable via Google and other search engines. If you are HIV positive and disclose this in our forums, then it is almost the same thing as telling the whole world (or at least the World Wide Web). If this concerns you, then do not use a username or avatar that are self-identifying in any way. We do not allow the deletion of anything you post in these forums, so think before you post.

  • The information shared in these forums, by moderators and members, is designed to complement, not replace, the relationship between an individual and his/her own physician.

  • All members of these forums are, by default, not considered to be licensed medical providers. If otherwise, users must clearly define themselves as such.

  • Forums members must behave at all times with respect and honesty. Posting guidelines, including time-out and banning policies, have been established by the moderators of these forums. Click here for “Am I Infected?” posting guidelines. Click here for posting guidelines pertaining to all other POZ/AIDSmeds community forums.

  • We ask all forums members to provide references for health/medical/scientific information they provide, when it is not a personal experience being discussed. Please provide hyperlinks with full URLs or full citations of published works not available via the Internet. Additionally, all forums members must post information which are true and correct to their knowledge.

  • Product advertisement—including links; banners; editorial content; and clinical trial, study or survey participation—is strictly prohibited by forums members unless permission has been secured from POZ.

To change forums navigation language settings, click here (members only), Register now

Para cambiar sus preferencias de los foros en español, haz clic aquí (sólo miembros), Regístrate ahora

Finished Reading This? You can collapse this or any other box on this page by clicking the symbol in each box.

Author Topic: I Need Help!  (Read 4406 times)

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

Offline PeteNYNJ

  • Member
  • Posts: 979
  • When life gives you AIDS...make LemonAIDS!
    • Dance for Me, Puppets
I Need Help!
« on: September 30, 2007, 09:47:10 PM »
I have a drinking problem.  That was the hardest sentence I have ever written.  I need help.  What is my first step?

I am desperate, alone, and so scared.

Offline Jody

  • Member
  • Posts: 1,781
Re: I Need Help!
« Reply #1 on: September 30, 2007, 09:59:06 PM »
Hi Pete...Try the link below, sometimes support from other folks in the same boat can be very helpful...You have already taken the first step in seeking help...Good luck and keep us posted, there are plenty of good folks here to assist you, drinking too much and living with HIV just won't work and there is help out there........


www.alcoholics-anonymous.org
"Wake up to find out that you are the eyes of the world".
 "Try to discover that you are the song that the morning brings."

Grateful Dead

Offline milker

  • Member
  • Posts: 4,034
  • Protected phone sex
Re: I Need Help!
« Reply #2 on: September 30, 2007, 10:21:38 PM »
Hi Pete,

you're not the only one, it's a great step you've made reaching out here. Like Ann said to me: A big part of the battle is recognizing and admitting you have a problem

You need to talk to someone about that, to figure out what triggers your drinking problem, some are day drinkers, some night drinkers, some have to go to bars every day, some drink at home alone, everyone is different. Talk to your doctor about it too.

{{{{ HUGZ }}}}

Milker.

mid-dec: stupid ass
mid-jan: seroconversion
mid-feb: poz
mar 07: cd4 432 (35%) vl 54000
may 07: cd4 399 (28%) vl 27760
jul 07: cd4 403 (26%) vl 99241
oct 07: cd4 353 (24%) vl 29993
jan 08: cd4 332 (26%) vl 33308
mar 08: cd4 392 (23%) vl 75548
jun 08: cd4 325 (27%) vl 45880
oct 08: cd4 197 (20%) vl 154000 <== aids diagnosis
nov 2 08 start Atripla
nov 30 08: cd4 478 (23%) vl 1880 !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
feb 19 09: cd4 398 (24%) vl 430 getting there!
apr 23 09: cd4 604 (29%) vl 50 woohoo :D :D
jul 30 09: cd4 512 (29%) vl undetectable :D :D
may 27 10: cd4 655 (32%) vl undetectable :D :D

Now accepting applications from blowjob ninjas™

Offline Buckmark

  • Member
  • Posts: 1,475
  • Would you like to tie me up with your ties, Ty?
    • Henry's Home Page
Re: I Need Help!
« Reply #3 on: September 30, 2007, 10:24:34 PM »
Pete,

It must have been very difficult for you to write this -- and it was also very brave.  As Jody points out, you've taken an important first step.  Contacting AA would be a good next step.  Jody's given their main web site below, where you can find a local chapter.  Do you have a trusted friend or family member you can talk to about this?  I also know some folks who got started by contacting their physician.  If you work for a medium or large company, you may also have an Employee Assistance Plan which can help you get started.  If you are currently, or have previously, seen a therapist, they could assist as well.  There is help, and remember that you are not totally alone, because there are a lot of folks here on the forums who care.

Henry
"Life in Lubbock, Texas, taught me two things:
     One is that God loves you and you're going to burn in hell.
     The other is that sex is the most awful, filthy thing on earth and you should save it for someone you love."
- Butch Hancock, Musician, The Flatlanders

Offline PeteNYNJ

  • Member
  • Posts: 979
  • When life gives you AIDS...make LemonAIDS!
    • Dance for Me, Puppets
Re: I Need Help!
« Reply #4 on: October 01, 2007, 12:33:21 AM »
Thanks everyone

How do you deal with the humiliation of telling everyone you are a drunk?  By you I mean me. 

Offline Longislander

  • Member
  • Posts: 2,486
Re: I Need Help!
« Reply #5 on: October 01, 2007, 12:43:53 AM »
Hi Pete,

I think if you first start out by telling the people at an AA meeting, you're statement will be met with a lot of compassion.

My moms BF was an alcoholic, and AA helped him find his sobriety--17 years ago.

It is a big step , realizing you have this problem and telling us about it.  It takes baby steps to get through this, and we're all here for you.

Hugs,

Paul
infected 10/05 diagnosed 12-05
2/06   379/57000                    6/07 372/30500 25%   4/09 640/U/32% 
5/06   ?? /37000                     8/07 491/55000/24%    9/09 913/U/39%
8/06   349/9500 25%              11/07 515/68000/24     2/10 845/U/38%
9/06   507/16,000 30% !          2/08  516/116k/22%    7/10 906/80/39%
12/06 398/29000 26%             Start Atripla 3/08
3/07   402/80,000 29%            4/08  485/undet!/27
4/07   507/35,000 25%            7/08 625/UD/34%
                                                 11/08 684/U/36%

Offline thunter34

  • Member
  • Posts: 7,250
  • His name is Carl.
Re: I Need Help!
« Reply #6 on: October 01, 2007, 02:01:45 AM »
Thanks everyone

How do you deal with the humiliation of telling everyone you are a drunk?  By you I mean me. 

OK.  Here's where I chime in.  I wanted to post something about this before, but I don't have much experience with AA or other substance abuse programs.  Substance abuse, yes.  Programs, no.

I offer this:  I think you should consider a reexamination of your terminology ("a drunk" vs. "an alcoholic") and your emotional response to sharing this information.  Humiliating?  I say no.  To take responsibility for a situation like this takes- well, for lack of more eloquent terminology- it takes balls, man.  It is a courageous admission to make, sir.  And I submit that you do yourself the favor of reminding yourself of this each time it comes to the fore.  To cower from the situation and to do nothing would be the stuff of humiliation.  To own it and take action is bravery. 

I wish I had a better way of wording this now, but it is late and I am very tired.  I hope the intention in this post comes through clear enough.  As long as your attempts at dealing with this are in earnest, you'll get no pity or shame from me.  Only respect.

AIDS isn't for sissies.

Offline DanielMark

  • Member
  • Posts: 1,475
Re: I Need Help!
« Reply #7 on: October 01, 2007, 06:55:18 AM »
Pete,

Begin by checking out Jody's link and find an AA meeting near you. (Or call them to find one – their number is in most phone books). Most cities also have an AA helpline with a member who you can talk to. Forget talking with friends or family about this now. They may give you well-meaning advice, but you need the experience of others in recovery from drinking at this point. Trust me on this.

Just go to some meetings and keep an open mind. The other members there will guide you on what to do. When I was going to AA, the number one bit of advice was simple: Don't drink and go to meetings. It won't be easy, but you can do it!

Daniel
MEDS: REYATAZ & KIVEXA (SINCE AUG 2008)

MAY 2000 LAB RESULTS: CD4 678
VL STILL UNDETECTABLE

DIAGNOSED IN 1988

Offline Buckmark

  • Member
  • Posts: 1,475
  • Would you like to tie me up with your ties, Ty?
    • Henry's Home Page
Re: I Need Help!
« Reply #8 on: October 01, 2007, 08:54:20 AM »
How do you deal with the humiliation of telling everyone you are a drunk?  By you I mean me. 

Pete,

Think back to when you've disclosed to people that you are HIV+.  I'm not sure if this is the case for you, but many of us have had feelings of shame and humiliation associated with disclosing to friends and family that we are positive.  Draw on that same strength to tell people that you believe you are an alcoholic; in a way, it is a similar kind of disclosure with some parallels.

You're close friends and family members will thank you for telling them, and will be supportive (which is what we all really want when disclosing serious matters like this).  Plus, you don't have to tell everyone right away; start with one person who you really trust, and who you think can be supportive and objective.  Watch out for those who dismiss your concerns -- you don't needs those kind of people in your life.

Lastly, unless you are the type who only drinks at home and alone, some of the people in your life are probably already concerned about your drinking.  So they will be relieved to hear that you recognize it, and want to do something about it.  Disclosure is sign of strength, not weakness.

Hugs,

Henry
"Life in Lubbock, Texas, taught me two things:
     One is that God loves you and you're going to burn in hell.
     The other is that sex is the most awful, filthy thing on earth and you should save it for someone you love."
- Butch Hancock, Musician, The Flatlanders

Offline Andy Velez

  • Global Moderator
  • Member
  • Posts: 23,842
Re: I Need Help!
« Reply #9 on: October 01, 2007, 09:12:20 AM »
Pete, congratulations on taking this first important step.

As for "how do you disclose" to others, you don't have to rush to do that in your life. I agree that getting to a program would be a good move because dealing with this effectively means absolutely not trying to do this on your own, but rather in the company of others who understand first hand what you're dealing with.

Acknowleding your problem honestly is a huge first step. You already can feel the support and understanding you have here. Check out the meeting which Jody suggested. The great thing in NY/NJ is there are lots of meetings no matter what your schedule is and from those I know who are in the program the support is really amazing.

Keep us posted and PM me if you want to discuss anything further.

Cheers,
Andy Velez

Offline Iggy

  • Member
  • Posts: 2,435
Re: I Need Help!
« Reply #10 on: October 01, 2007, 10:51:51 AM »
Thanks everyone

How do you deal with the humiliation of telling everyone you are a drunk?  By you I mean me. 

Pete,

Sort of taking this post first as I think it could be the stumbling block to you getting help.   Who says you you have to tell anyone outside of the person/people you go to seek help with?

I'm not talking about hiding anything, but I don't think your recovery relies on confession to others either.  Many people confuse revealing themselves to others as a necessary part of addressing an issue; The only person you need to face in this is yourself.

I think a 12 step meeting is a great start but I wouldn't get a head of yourself yet and worry about how to deal with talking to others about it - that worry could become an obstacle for you actually getting help and focusing on what you need...and not how others will deal with it.

You got my thoughts right now

Offline egello

  • Member
  • Posts: 899
  • cb
Re: I Need Help!
« Reply #11 on: October 01, 2007, 11:21:30 AM »
Hello

How did you come to terms with the fact that you do have a problem?
Reyataz / Norvir / Truvada/ Androgel 5 g / 2 days
1/29/07 14 T, 300 k V, 1.8 %
2/22/07 197 T, 247 V, 6.8 %
3/27/07 164 T, <50 V, 5.4 %
5/28/07 177 T, <50 V, 8.2 %
7/28/07 214 T, <50 V, 9.6 %
10/3/07 380 T, <50 V, 10 % no more Mepron, Famvir

Offline PeteNYNJ

  • Member
  • Posts: 979
  • When life gives you AIDS...make LemonAIDS!
    • Dance for Me, Puppets
Re: I Need Help!
« Reply #12 on: October 01, 2007, 12:08:29 PM »
Thanks everyone for your advice.

You are all correct.  I need to take care of me.  That is part of the problem, never ever thinking about myself.  When I do it is only to put myself down (You are so fat, you are ugly, you are blah blah blah).  Nothing anyone ever says gets through - I have a great family, great friends, a good job, a nice house, I am blessed.  The problem is I don't feel I deserve any of it.  In fact, I think the opposite so I sabotage myself at every turn.

This weekend was my rock bottom.  I embarrassed myself and my friends.   I am so sickened by my behaviour that I finally looked in the mirror and told my "self" YOU NEED HELP!!!

I then told one of my very good friends who agreed. 

This is not an AA board so I will stop.  I am not seeking pity or praise, just trying to be as honest as I can. 

Thanks for your thoughts.  It means a lot.

Pete


Offline rosita

  • Member
  • Posts: 10
Re: I Need Help!
« Reply #13 on: October 01, 2007, 12:36:40 PM »
Hi Pete. Do you remember me?? I´m the spanenglish girl, the one that make you jokes in spanenglish¡¡ LOL.
I saw you write this "need of help" last night. I stay a lot of time in front on my computer, when you need it talk to me. We support each other. I feel that when I supporting people I forgot about my own things.
Do you ever think about a terapist, I read your posts and I saw taht you have your autoapreciate down (I´m fat....) also you said it.
Who is the devil????
See you, I´m here for you.

Offline rosita

  • Member
  • Posts: 10
Re: I Need Help!
« Reply #14 on: October 01, 2007, 12:38:49 PM »
Sorry I make a mistake, I want to ask How is the Devil??? not Who. For those who didn´t know. I call Pete´s cat The Devil.

Offline water duck

  • Member
  • Posts: 397
Re: I Need Help!
« Reply #15 on: October 01, 2007, 01:04:52 PM »
Humiliation, why so, dear Pete ??
You had humbly admitted you have a problem!! Humility takes courage and wisdom , only the humble will conquer the world as they do not resist.

"I am not seeking pity or praise, just trying to be as honest as i can ............"
we heard you !! we are here to provide support.
To be honest with one's self is where all healing begins. If you are only now learning the simplicity that is born of true honesty, take a moment to remember the very first time you admitted to yourself or to another the depth and truth of your feelings. Be grateful for the relief you felt and the wisdom you gained by laying down the burden you had carried for so long. Honesty opens locked cupboards in the heart, THIS i wish FOR you .

If you do not start by loving yourself, who will do that for you ??

Wd

Offline Iggy

  • Member
  • Posts: 2,435
Re: I Need Help!
« Reply #16 on: October 01, 2007, 01:18:44 PM »

This is not an AA board so I will stop.  I am not seeking pity or praise, just trying to be as honest as I can. 


It's not a porn, youtube, politics or dumb jokes board either - but those items are in abundance in this forum.  You post as much as you want about what you are going through and you let us post as much as we want about how much we care.

OK?  (Or are you trying to sabatoge the support we are offering  ;) )

I'm glad you discussed with the one friend and I'm glad you are deciding to do something about it if you feel it is time.  We are all here for you, buddy.

Offline poz1970

  • Member
  • Posts: 480
Re: I Need Help!
« Reply #17 on: October 01, 2007, 01:21:49 PM »
Thanks everyone for your advice.

You are all correct.  I need to take care of me.  That is part of the problem, never ever thinking about myself.  When I do it is only to put myself down (You are so fat, you are ugly, you are blah blah blah).  Nothing anyone ever says gets through - I have a great family, great friends, a good job, a nice house, I am blessed.  The problem is I don't feel I deserve any of it.  In fact, I think the opposite so I sabotage myself at every turn.

This weekend was my rock bottom.  I embarrassed myself and my friends.   I am so sickened by my behaviour that I finally looked in the mirror and told my "self" YOU NEED HELP!!!

I then told one of my very good friends who agreed. 

This is not an AA board so I will stop.  I am not seeking pity or praise, just trying to be as honest as I can. 


Thanks for your thoughts.  It means a lot.

Pete

While its not an AA board, its a board with lots of people that want to help and support each other through difficult times, IMO that takes precedence, whatever the problem :-)

(best of luck! and I'm sure you'll get LOTS of support through here with your battle to give it up)

J
"The Bible contains 6 admonishments to homosexuals and 362 admonishments to  heterosexuals. That doesn`t mean that God doesn`t love heterosexuals. It`s just that they need more supervision." -- Lynn Lavne

Offline AlanBama

  • Member
  • Posts: 3,578
  • 'class' of '87
Re: I Need Help!
« Reply #18 on: October 01, 2007, 01:42:19 PM »
Pete, you've been one of my favorites in the forums since you were a "Confused Newbie".

I think it's great that you are admitting you need help.   Now, go and seek that help.   We'll be here for you.

Love & hugs,

Alan
"Remember my sentimental friend that a heart is not judged by how much you love, but by how much you are loved by others." - The Wizard of Oz

Offline Buckmark

  • Member
  • Posts: 1,475
  • Would you like to tie me up with your ties, Ty?
    • Henry's Home Page
Re: I Need Help!
« Reply #19 on: October 01, 2007, 02:00:55 PM »
... I need to take care of me.  That is part of the problem, never ever thinking about myself.  When I do it is only to put myself down (You are so fat, you are ugly, you are blah blah blah).  Nothing anyone ever says gets through - I have a great family, great friends, a good job, a nice house, I am blessed.  The problem is I don't feel I deserve any of it.  In fact, I think the opposite so I sabotage myself at every turn.

Not only do you deserve the things you have, you deserve to get the support and help that you need right now.  You've got to believe that, or it will be hard to make the changes you need / want.  You'll probably want to explore this particular issue a lot more, particularly with a therapist.

Quote
This weekend was my rock bottom.  I embarrassed myself and my friends.   I am so sickened by my behaviour that I finally looked in the mirror and told my "self" YOU NEED HELP!!!

I then told one of my very good friends who agreed. 

You've already taken 2 big steps.  You recognized and admitted to yourself that you need help (which some people cannot do).  And you've talked about it with a good friend.  You've started to set the wheels of change in motion.

Quote
 
This is not an AA board so I will stop.  I am not seeking pity or praise, just trying to be as honest as I can. 

Honesty is good -- very good.  It's not always easy at first, but it lifts a huge burden off of your shoulders.  I'd really encourage you *not* to stop.  Post whatever it is that you are thinking and feeling.  That's the primary reason we are all here on these forums -- to support and help each other.

Hugs,

Henry
"Life in Lubbock, Texas, taught me two things:
     One is that God loves you and you're going to burn in hell.
     The other is that sex is the most awful, filthy thing on earth and you should save it for someone you love."
- Butch Hancock, Musician, The Flatlanders

Offline englishgirl

  • Member
  • Posts: 387
  • ACT NOW TO CAMPAIGN AGAINST THE TRAVEL BAN
Re: I Need Help!
« Reply #20 on: October 01, 2007, 03:05:56 PM »
pete, as the others have said you have made the first step by recognising you have a problem. now keep  up the good work and access all the support you can.
good luck and keep us updated
best wishes
ACT NOW TO CAMPAIGN AGAINST THE TRAVEL BAN:
http://campaigning.tht.org.uk/cms/cmsloader?WfJVLp&view=11,301,1385,0,-html

http://forums.poz.com/index.php?topic=17352.0


"I'm not keen on the idea of the afterlife - not without knowing who else will be there and what the entertainment will be. Personally I'd rather just take a rest." Oscar Berger, PWA: Looking AIDS in the Face, 1996. RIP.

Offline marc11864

  • Member
  • Posts: 440
  • I apologize for nothing!
Re: I Need Help!
« Reply #21 on: October 01, 2007, 03:22:28 PM »
Thanks everyone

How do you deal with the humiliation of telling everyone you are a drunk?  By you I mean me. 

Ask yourself this...

How do you deal with the humiliation of showing everyone that you are a drunk?  ;)

I've always taken the tack of just being straightforward about the substances that I've abused in my lifetime. It tends to take the sting out of them finding out in a situation where I have less control.
Let us cavort like the Greeks of old! You know the ones I mean.

Offline PeteNYNJ

  • Member
  • Posts: 979
  • When life gives you AIDS...make LemonAIDS!
    • Dance for Me, Puppets
Re: I Need Help!
« Reply #22 on: October 01, 2007, 04:24:13 PM »
You are all making a lot of sense - funny how it seems like basic info is from on high right now :)

I am at my folks.  Told them, they were relieved because I finally said it.  I have come up with a plan based on yours and some friends recommendations.  Step one is a visit to my GP.  I am on antidepressants that I have screwed up this weekend by being so drunk(hello) that I need to address that now.  Then I will take the next step from there.

This is so scary but also feel like the weight of the world is  not entirely on my shoulders.

Question - what to do about work?  I am sure they have noticed and since all my medical insurance is linked into my job (don't get me started on that f-ed up system), how do I get well but not get fired?   

I have been at this place for about 8 years and never had a bad performance review but lately they have commented more out of concern then critique.  I mentioned to my boss this morning (in private) that I have some issue with my mental health I need to work through and she understood.  I work for a very large company in NYC.  Thousands of employees.

Thanks

Pete

Offline DanielMark

  • Member
  • Posts: 1,475
Re: I Need Help!
« Reply #23 on: October 01, 2007, 04:46:13 PM »
Pete,

I suspect a company as large as yours will have an  employee assistance program for alcohol (and other addictions) treatment services. Most companies nowadays are glad to be of assistance rather than lose an employee.

Daniel
MEDS: REYATAZ & KIVEXA (SINCE AUG 2008)

MAY 2000 LAB RESULTS: CD4 678
VL STILL UNDETECTABLE

DIAGNOSED IN 1988

Offline Life

  • Member
  • Posts: 2,388
  • Member 2005
Re: I Need Help!
« Reply #24 on: October 01, 2007, 05:20:31 PM »
Pete,

Best wishes in your quest...   

Best thing I ever did for myself..

Eric

Offline pozniceguy

  • Member
  • Posts: 1,169
  • Niceguy Dallas
Re: I Need Help!
« Reply #25 on: October 01, 2007, 05:31:39 PM »
Pete, follow up to what Daniel said......large companies want to keep long term employees..they have many plans/programs that are sponsored just for that purpose..all such programs are confidential...even your Boss does not have to know unless you choose to tell her which program you are working....  go for it...dealing with the HIV and this can be totally overwhelming..take whatever help you can find....

Nick
remember the good times...honor the past but don't live there
Le stelle la notte sono grandie luminose, nel cuore profondo del Texas

Offline Buckmark

  • Member
  • Posts: 1,475
  • Would you like to tie me up with your ties, Ty?
    • Henry's Home Page
Re: I Need Help!
« Reply #26 on: October 01, 2007, 05:41:43 PM »
Question - what to do about work?  I am sure they have noticed and since all my medical insurance is linked into my job (don't get me started on that f-ed up system), how do I get well but not get fired?   

I have been at this place for about 8 years and never had a bad performance review but lately they have commented more out of concern then critique.  I mentioned to my boss this morning (in private) that I have some issue with my mental health I need to work through and she understood.  I work for a very large company in NYC.  Thousands of employees.

If your company is large enough to have an employee assistance program, and even if they do not, they are generally happy that you are getting the help you need.  One's problems with mental and physical health inevitably bleed over into the workplace, so by helping you address these issues, they get a better employee.  Plus, if you don't do anything about it, there's certainly an increasing likelihood that it will affect your performance even more, and jeopardize your job.  If you think about it that way, you really don't have that much to lose.

As for what to do about work, I'm not exactly sure what your concern is.  Are you concerned that they will examine your history of insurance claims, and fire you?  You're probably luckier than most to be with a larger employer, as they tend to examine their insurance claims for overall trends.  Smaller companies are more likely to use them to weed out employees who are costing them a lot of money.  I am a manager at a very large company with hundreds of thousands of employees.  I have submitted HIV-related insurance claims, and also mental health-related claims for 18+ years.  It has never once been a problem for me.  And as a manager, I can tell you that the best thing you can do is to address your health concerns, so you can become a more productive employee. 

I think you handled it very well with your boss -- I can't think of anything else you need to say to her at this point.  And again, I'd implore you not to worry about how this will effect your job or get you fired, as those worries are most likely unfounded.  But if you think about what could happen if you didn't take any action, that's far more likely to jeopardize your job.

Regards,

Henry


"Life in Lubbock, Texas, taught me two things:
     One is that God loves you and you're going to burn in hell.
     The other is that sex is the most awful, filthy thing on earth and you should save it for someone you love."
- Butch Hancock, Musician, The Flatlanders

Offline PeteNYNJ

  • Member
  • Posts: 979
  • When life gives you AIDS...make LemonAIDS!
    • Dance for Me, Puppets
Re: I Need Help!
« Reply #27 on: October 01, 2007, 08:53:03 PM »
Thanks to everyone.  I am overwhelmed with the support.  my family is mostly supportive but my dad just wants to fix me and doesnt listen when I say "I can't do this alone - I need help"

Kinda bummed about that

I have an appointment at 11 at my docs.  I will follow up with everyone when I figure out my own self. 

I want this so bad - I know I can do it.

Pete

Offline bear60

  • Member
  • Posts: 4,104
Re: I Need Help!
« Reply #28 on: October 01, 2007, 09:01:35 PM »
Your Dad is such a macho man.  Its those macho men who say  " Just suck it up, son, you can stop drinking if you want to."..
Well, hell yea...its like you can stop being gay cause its a choice.....or you can stop being blond cause its a choice. lol   Seriously....its not so simple is it.  You need help. And I know you will find it.  Cause every time you look for help you find it.  As in..."you" or "me".
Poz Bear Type in Philadelphia

Offline jkinatl2

  • Member
  • Posts: 6,007
  • Doo. Dah. Dipp-ity.
Re: I Need Help!
« Reply #29 on: October 01, 2007, 11:02:39 PM »
I hope you understand that the solution to your problems might begin with the absence of alcohol, but it is by no means a clinical situation. Your entire life must be examined, and the reasons for the self-medication must be dealt with. Or else soemthing will fill that addictive void, eventually.

I highly recommend that you initiate a relationship with a counselor, to determine what lies at the base of your addiction. And to find the tools to overcome this difficulty without resorting to transference.

It is not an easy path, and it will involve facing some thoroughly unpleasant things in your psyche, your past, your mindset as a whole. But it is absolutely necessary to undergo such a transformation, if being emotionally healthy really is the goal you pursue.

I sincerely wish you the best during this difficult time.

"Many people, especially in the gay community, turn to oral sex as a safer alternative in the age of AIDS. And with HIV rates rising, people need to remember that oral sex is safer sex. It's a reasonable alternative."

-Kimberly Page-Shafer, PhD, MPH

Welcome Thread

Offline PeteNYNJ

  • Member
  • Posts: 979
  • When life gives you AIDS...make LemonAIDS!
    • Dance for Me, Puppets
Re: I Need Help!
« Reply #30 on: October 02, 2007, 06:27:31 PM »
Hello again

Feeling much better today. It was nice to go to sleep and not just pass out.  Haven't had a drink in two days and actually don't really miss it.  I go to my doctor tomorrow to talk about options on how to deal with the underlying causes of my drinking.  I also want to get off Lexapro because it seems that lately it is making my mood swing more then stabilize.  I also want to go to a therapist regularly to get to the root cause of all my insecurities, panic, and general neurosis I have had pretty much for about a year.

I went on the lexapro right after diagnosis two years ago due to feeling kinda bummed (as you can imagine).  It seemed to level me out but after about a year I noticed I was panicking a lot more (attacks, general sense of fear, worry, wanting to flee).  I was given a higher dose but now it seems that my mood is one of panic, worry about everyday life, and unable to focus.  My thoughts race constantly.  I have been trying to self medicate for the past few months and it has gotten to the point where that is not helping, just hurting.

I will keep you all informed on this journey because it is actually helpful for me to get these thoughts out and share parts of my life I have not thought about for a long time.

Thanks for your thoughts and kind words.

Pete

Offline PeteNYNJ

  • Member
  • Posts: 979
  • When life gives you AIDS...make LemonAIDS!
    • Dance for Me, Puppets
Re: I Need Help!
« Reply #31 on: October 03, 2007, 05:27:57 PM »
Hi

Went to my GP today who also doubles as my ID doc.  Told him all my worries, issues, and concerns.  He gave me some drugs for the panic attacks and told me to keep taking the lexapro.  He listened to me for about 30 mins and recommended I see a psychiatrist because he is worried he might not be experienced enough for a proper diagnosis.  He said from there the two of them would work together for the best course of action regarding future therapies/medications.

Quote
I hope you understand that the solution to your problems might begin with the absence of alcohol, but it is by no means a clinical situation. Your entire life must be examined, and the reasons for the self-medication must be dealt with. Or else something will fill that addictive void, eventually.

My doctor pretty much echoed these words that Jonathon stated above.  He said I need a clinical diagnosis to my deep rooted issues before we worry about complimentary therapies. 

I am still anxious but less so since I know I am moving in the right direction.

Thanks again for your thoughts and words of encouragement.

Offline pozattitude

  • Member
  • Posts: 909
  • Enjoy
    • to find out more about me....
Re: I Need Help!
« Reply #32 on: October 03, 2007, 06:05:25 PM »
Pete,

Congratulations in taking the first steps towards getting better.  It is very difficult to admit one has an addiction and it takes a lot of courage to admit it and to come out about it.  You deserve a big hug and compliments for taking such a huge step.
Addictions are not easy to recognize but once you can look at it for what it is and understand the reasons behind it, your journey will become a lot more clear.
You should know that you have support here and we're behind you (no pun intended).

Rich
(who knows addiction)
POSITIVE PEDALERS... We are a group of people living with HIV/AIDS, eliminating stigma through our positive public example.

Offline milker

  • Member
  • Posts: 4,034
  • Protected phone sex
Re: I Need Help!
« Reply #33 on: October 03, 2007, 06:12:18 PM »
This is very encouraging that you have taken those steps so fast. I wish you all the best.

Milker.
mid-dec: stupid ass
mid-jan: seroconversion
mid-feb: poz
mar 07: cd4 432 (35%) vl 54000
may 07: cd4 399 (28%) vl 27760
jul 07: cd4 403 (26%) vl 99241
oct 07: cd4 353 (24%) vl 29993
jan 08: cd4 332 (26%) vl 33308
mar 08: cd4 392 (23%) vl 75548
jun 08: cd4 325 (27%) vl 45880
oct 08: cd4 197 (20%) vl 154000 <== aids diagnosis
nov 2 08 start Atripla
nov 30 08: cd4 478 (23%) vl 1880 !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
feb 19 09: cd4 398 (24%) vl 430 getting there!
apr 23 09: cd4 604 (29%) vl 50 woohoo :D :D
jul 30 09: cd4 512 (29%) vl undetectable :D :D
may 27 10: cd4 655 (32%) vl undetectable :D :D

Now accepting applications from blowjob ninjas™

Offline PeteNYNJ

  • Member
  • Posts: 979
  • When life gives you AIDS...make LemonAIDS!
    • Dance for Me, Puppets
Re: I Need Help!
« Reply #34 on: October 21, 2007, 08:25:24 PM »
Hi Everyone

Thanks for the outpouring of support.  I am on some new meds that are doing a number on me.  My mood is swing all over the place, but it should stabilize soon.  I also started seeing a therapist which is helping a lot.  It is really helping me get to the bottom of my self hate issues.   I have cut down on drinking dramatically.  I have had a beer here and there but have been pretty good except for this Friday when I got drunk while out on the town.   I realized I need to not surround myself with certain people who are not really friends but more like comisserators.

I have been just chilling out a lot at home and enjoy my family's company.  I miss some of my friends, but again, they dont get it.

Thanks for all your advice.

Pete

Offline ImagineFL

  • Member
  • Posts: 365
  • Pornstar Stunt Double
    • My Photo Gallery
Re: I Need Help!
« Reply #35 on: October 21, 2007, 11:04:19 PM »
Check at the book store or Amazon for a book called Rational Recovery.  Read it until at least page 50 and you will understand what is happening in your mind and why you drink.

Best book that I ever used to stop drinking and the drugs.  Anthony Keidis from the Red Hot Chili Peppers sent me a copy when I was going through on of my coke and booze binges a couple years back.

Take care of yourself, dear.

Hugs,
Patsy

Here is the link to their webpage. http://www.rational.org/

Offline next2u

  • Member
  • Posts: 1,759
Re: I Need Help!
« Reply #36 on: October 21, 2007, 11:56:25 PM »
hey pete,

if you falter, keep on trying. most people don't give it up cold turkey. others who try and fail beat themselves up for not sticking to their regiment. hey, dude, quitting (or moderating) is a work in process and you are allowed mistakes. note - i am note encouraging mistakes, just saying if they do happen, don't beat yourself up over it. remember, practice makes perfect so keep on trying. good luck to you with this one man, keep up posted.
midapr07 - seroconversion
sept07 - tested poz
oct07 cd4 1013; vl 13,900; cd4% 41
feb08 cd4  694;  vl 16,160; cd4% 50.1
may08 cd4 546; vl 91,480; cd4% 32
aug08 cd4 576; vl 48,190; cd4% 40.7
dec08 cd4 559; vl 63,020; cd4% 29.4
feb09 cd4 464; vl 11,000; cd4% 26
may09 cd4 544; vl 29,710; cd4% 27.2
oct09 cd4 ...; vl 23,350; cd4% 31.6
mar10 cd4 408; vl 59,050; cd4% 31.4
aug10 cd4 328; vl 80,000; cd4% 19.3 STARTED ATRIPLA
oct10 cd4 423; vl 410 ;); cd4% 30.2
jun11 cd4 439; vl <20 ;); cd4% 33.8 <-Undetectable!
mar12 cd4 695; vl ud; cd4% 38.6
jan13 cd4 738; vl ud; cd4% 36.8
aug13 cd4 930; vl ud; cd4% 44.3

Offline PeteNYNJ

  • Member
  • Posts: 979
  • When life gives you AIDS...make LemonAIDS!
    • Dance for Me, Puppets
Re: I Need Help!
« Reply #37 on: October 22, 2007, 10:19:05 AM »
Thanks Daniel - I will check that out.

Next2U - I realize this is a journey and I wont be "fixed" overnight.  I am proud of myself for the positive steps I have taken, for taking a serious inventory of my life, and taking an active role in doing something about it.  I have also realized that I had surrounded myself with a lot of toxic people in my life.  Not to say they are bad people, but they are just toxic for me.  These are the kind of people who dismiss me by saying "you are too hard on yourself" or "Just come out with me tonight and you will feel better"  They want me to stay who I am because it enhances their lives in some strange way. 

Well enough about that. Talk to you all soon.

Pete


Offline Iggy

  • Member
  • Posts: 2,435
Re: I Need Help!
« Reply #38 on: October 22, 2007, 10:53:54 AM »
Pete,

Just recognize that you do know best what is for you as you have already shown in your writings.  The hard step of course if following your own advice, but I'm glad you recognize that you know what needs to be done.


Offline rosita

  • Member
  • Posts: 10
Re: I Need Help!
« Reply #39 on: October 24, 2007, 07:37:58 PM »
 :) Hi Pete I´m very happy that you are feelling better and better every day. See you and kisses for the "blackie"¡¡¡
Hugs

Offline david25luvit

  • Member
  • Posts: 1,409
  • Member since March 2005
Re: I Need Help!
« Reply #40 on: October 25, 2007, 09:05:25 AM »
Pete....

            I think you'll find you're in excellent company here....
There are many of us alcoholics who come to this site...  by admitting it to yourself and others
you've taken the first step.  As a suggestion...you may want to contact AA....there you will
find an invaluable support system.  Hang in there, good buddy.
In Memory of
Raymond David McRae III
Nov. 25, 1972- Oct. 15, 2004
I miss him terribly..........

 


Terms of Membership for these forums
 

© 2014 Smart + Strong. All Rights Reserved.   terms of use and your privacy
Smart + Strong® is a registered trademark of CDM Publishing, LLC.