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Author Topic: Dating Thread Part VII: Ovaries, Outcomes and Opportunities in October  (Read 32665 times)

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Offline MOONLIGHT1114

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  • Cheech 2.2.94 - 4.23.10 We miss you so much!
Re: Dating Thread Part VII: Ovaries, Outcomes and Opportunities in October
« Reply #50 on: October 03, 2007, 02:30:21 PM »
Well, the one recruiter must not have been able to get ahold of the client, so no interview today.  Going to meet with another recruiter tomorrow and she just had a new opportunity come up today for a long-term temp position in my town.  Also, another call came in, but its just for "A/P Clerk" so I'm thinking it won't pay much, I'll see.  Waiting to hear back.

Edited to add:  I heard back about the AP Clerk position, and omg it pays!  I asked on the phone about salary and its up there.  I wowed the HR lady who was doing phone interviews and I have an interview with the CFO on Friday.  This place is about 30 miles from me one way, but its east towards Baltimore, rather than south towards DC.  South towards DC equals gridlock around here.  Anyway, this position is at corporate for a successful landscaping company that has five offices in the area.  This position is also in charge of taking care of 125 cell phones that the employees have?   :o  Holy moley!  I can do that, just report probs to vendors, ship phones, get new ones in, etc., but omg 125?  Hee-hee, I love a challenge! 

GFs keep sending the good vibes my way, so much has happened in just the past 24 hours on the job front for me!  Three interviews with clients (not recruiters) on the horizon!

Whew!
« Last Edit: October 03, 2007, 05:48:42 PM by MOONLIGHT1114 »
HIV+ since '93, 1/12 - CD4 785 and undet.   WOO-HOO!!

Offline camille07

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Re: Dating Thread Part VII: Ovaries, Outcomes and Opportunities in October
« Reply #51 on: October 03, 2007, 06:20:32 PM »
Seriously need some medical advice...I posted this in the other forum but no responses :-[

One of my poz friends has a mysterious symptom that recently came up.  He has been off meds for the last two months due to a break in his insurance.  I urged him on the phone to at least go to a near by clinic.

Anyway, he was telling me that he recently developed red spots on his eye lids.  He thinks it may be from getting violently ill the other day and the pressure of throwing up in his temple region was extreme.  Perhaps blood vessels that popped.

Has anyone ever heard of this before?

Offline emeraldize

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Re: Dating Thread Part VII: Ovaries, Outcomes and Opportunities in October
« Reply #52 on: October 03, 2007, 08:37:10 PM »
Hey Cam

Found this post from a person on a health website. It jibes with your notion of what/why. I bolded the part that should put your mind, and your friend's mind, at ease.

Em
Posted: 01/29/07 - 17:22    Post subject: Spots   

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
 
Hi,

This is normal and nothing to worry about. I get the little red spots when ever I vomit. I usually get it on my eyelids, however, I currently have a stomach bug and have been vomitting regularly. My face is now covered in them i.e. on my chin down the side of my face an on my eyelids. It happens when you are sick because of the pressure your body is experiencing. Basically they are broken blood vessels. They take anything from 1-3 days to go away. If I'm better tomorrow I may have to wear make up for the day as I doubt they will clear up by then. 

Offline camille07

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Re: Dating Thread Part VII: Ovaries, Outcomes and Opportunities in October
« Reply #53 on: October 03, 2007, 09:36:51 PM »
EM-  thanks, that's a relief. 

Offline BT65

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Re: Dating Thread Part VII: Ovaries, Outcomes and Opportunities in October
« Reply #54 on: October 04, 2007, 07:01:06 AM »
Good morning ladies:

Well, Cin, I sure hope your interviews go well!  I am still sending good wishes and a lot of positive energy your way!  As for me, I've taken a break from the looking for a job thing right now.  I wish I didn't have this 14 year gap in my history, but I'm glad I have disability. It's not anywhere near the money I could get if I was still doing my old job (medical transcriptionist), but it's survivable.  And that's about it.  Surviving.....  Good thing I don't smoke anymore.  I don't know how I could have ever afforded cigarettes at today's prices.  Indiana's tax on cigarettes went up .45 cents a pack a couple months ago.  That would make what I spent on cigarettes $7.00/day, because I smoked Basics (menthol).  Brand name cigarettes are like $4.00/pack.  I know they're going up everywhere.  It's really tough, to stay quit, at times, but it's worth it, I know.  I've just gained so much weight in such a short time, it scares me that I'll end up really huge.  Not that it scares me so much appearance wise; health wise.  But maybe it'll even out. 

Today I'm going to see a diabetes educator.  I have to take my meter, so I imagine she'll read my the riot act as soon as she sees how my numbers have been off so much of the time.  It seems like lately either they're really high or really low.  Neither one is good; I need to find a middle ground (a more normal ground) with them.  I just have such a hard time trying to control my sweet tooth!  I know, I know, get sugar-free candy.  But it's just not the same! ;)

How's everyone else doing?  After tonight's class, there's only two more weeks of these classes left, then I change classes.  Next time, one of the classes is going to be college algebra.  Yuck!  If it wasn't required, I wouldn't take it.  It took me two years to pass algebra in high school and I only passed it because the teacher was tutoring me.  Even then, I didn't pass it with anything higher than a "C." 

I hope everyone has a good day-
I've never killed anyone, but I frequently get satisfaction reading the obituary notices.-Clarence Darrow

Offline panda

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Re: Dating Thread Part VII: Ovaries, Outcomes and Opportunities in October
« Reply #55 on: October 04, 2007, 07:10:49 AM »
About the smoking , its a good thing you stopped ! Its mentioned everywhere that hiv and smoking is not a good combination,
I am not addicted... I can smoke one day 3 cigarets and then not touching it for a week, now I am sick so I can't even smell it, and specialy when I am trying to get pregnant I prefer not getting close to the smoke... My husband used to smoke one pack a day, then , one day he decided to quit so he said I will save the money I spent per month on cigarets and if I'll make it for a year I'll by myself a present with the money... So he did make it and save approx nis5000 which is approx usd+1200... so he is planning now to buy probably a big plasma screen or something like that, nice... isn't it?


[attachment deleted by admin]

Offline emeraldize

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Re: Dating Thread Part VII: Ovaries, Outcomes and Opportunities in October
« Reply #56 on: October 04, 2007, 09:33:18 AM »
Hey BT

Don't worry about the weight thing too much. The average gain for someone who quits is twelve pounds. I gained 2.5 times that after I quit, but what made it all melt away is (you'll love this part)...I was enrolled in college. Walked everywhere, studied my literal ass off and dropped 18 lbs in what seemed like overnight. The rest came off with just walking and better eating habits --at some point, I stopped substituting food for cigs.

A woman psychologist I spoke with at the time I quit said--look, you just break it down into two problems. First, quit smoking. Then, lose weight. Many people get all tied up in knots about quitting because they're afraid of gaining weight. It's just part of the whole process and not terribly hard to accomplish.

I applaud what you did and what you're doing BT.

Offline MOONLIGHT1114

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  • Cheech 2.2.94 - 4.23.10 We miss you so much!
Re: Dating Thread Part VII: Ovaries, Outcomes and Opportunities in October
« Reply #57 on: October 04, 2007, 09:55:15 AM »
Hi BT~

Yes, at least you're saving money on not buying cigs anymore, that's true!  That tax is high!  Don't give in, you've come this far!

As for the diabetes educator, well my entire life I have been high and low, can't seem to find a happy medium, even on the pump.  What's you A1C like?  I get mine done every 3 months.  A year ago it crept up to 7.2 and I went on the pump.  Only just recently in July, did it go to 6.9.  The ADA wants diabetics to be under 7.0, and the scale goes up to 15!?!?!  Can you imagine what poor control that would be?

As for the sweet tooth thing, I am exactly the same.  I try to psych myself out with a Diet Coke.  Even if you eat sugar-free items, you're still ingesting carbs and that's what makes your sugar go up.  So, I say eat what you want, but in moderation along with exercise!  Do you walk around on a campus for your class?  Em is right about exercise, and I know that even just a 10-minute walk helps boost my metabolism and helps my sugars to stay lower.

Thanks for the encouragement with the job interviews.  Today I see a recruiter, who is a 22-yo diabetic, btw.  She is curious about the pump, so it will be fun to meet her.  I just hope she can help me land a good job! 

My sugar was 245 this morning which usually doesn't happen.  I woke up thirsty and having to use the bathroom, and last night I tested an hour before bed and I was 183.  At bedtime I was 154, so I was dropping back into normal range, or so I thought.  I had a slice of pizza for dinner and that stuff always hits about four hours later and makes your sugar creep up again, so that's what got me.  I have to be careful with those complex carbs.

OK, I need to get the cobwebs out of my eyes and get moving for this interview.  Its supposed to be 89degrees and foggy here all day?  That's weird, we've never had fog through the day with a hot temp like that.  What to wear, what to wear....

I also get my massage therapy again today after two weeks of going without.  Yay!

~Cindy
HIV+ since '93, 1/12 - CD4 785 and undet.   WOO-HOO!!

Offline Queen Tokelove

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Re: Dating Thread Part VII: Ovaries, Outcomes and Opportunities in October
« Reply #58 on: October 04, 2007, 02:47:12 PM »
Ladies~~

Feeling good today for some reason. Maybe because I disclosed to my roomie last night. Started a thread on it in Living With. Thank you ladies for giving me your support. So today I kinda feel like I am sitting on top of the world.

Betty-- I keep forgetting to get with my diabetes instructor just to get educated on what to eat. My fasting sugar today was 135. My doctor wants me to have one of a 100. I have noticed that whenever my counts get to the 90's I start getting jittery. There have been times when it has been as low as 68 but that usually happens when I take my meds and don't eat something.There are times when I am a bad girl and get the munchies. I usually don't crave sweets but usually wants a salad but I have my moments when I eat candy. And I can't live w/o my Pepsi. It is like my coffee when I get up but notices when I don't drink any for a few days I get caffeine headaches. To me my happy medium seems to be in the 130-150 range. I usually feel just fine.

Cindy--- As always, good luck with the job search. I'm sure there is a job out there with your name on it.

Well, nothing special is jumping off today. The rash is pretty much a done deal. Got a call from my clinic nurse, my ID doc wants me to start on Dapson to replace the Bactrim. I got to take it for 4 months or until my cd4 gets a bit higher. Last time it was 215 but am expecting it to be better due to starting the Atripla and Ziagen. I haven't had anymore funky dreams or the drunk feeling. I usually don't eat anything after 10:30 pm and if I do it is because of munchies but I try to eat healthy... ;D

I will have to get back to doing my braids but thought I would check in because I have been quiet the past few days. I will be around lurking and posting from time to time.
Started Atripla/Ziagen on 9/13/07.
10/31/07 CD4-265 VL- undetectable
2/6/08 CD4- 401 VL- undetectable
5/7/08 CD4- 705 VL- undetectable
6/4/08 CD4- 775 VL- undetectable
8/6/08 CD4- 805 VL- undetectable
11/13/08 CD4- 774 VL--undetectable
2/4/09  CD4- 484  VL- 18,000 (2 months off meds)
3/3/09---Starting Back on Meds---
4/27/09 CD4- 664 VL-- undetectable
6/17/09 CD4- 438 VL- 439
8/09 CD4- 404 VL- 1,600
01-22-10-- CD4- 525 VL- 59,000
Cherish the simple things life has to offer

The Royal Blog

Offline camille07

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Re: Dating Thread Part VII: Ovaries, Outcomes and Opportunities in October
« Reply #59 on: October 04, 2007, 08:05:55 PM »
Hey Queenie-  Its nice to  read " feeling good today".  I did read your post earlier about the roommate....it must be a weight off the shoulders. Especially, when the reception is good.   I love it when you tell someone when they kind of shrug their shoulders like, "yeah, so what".

Cin-  How did it go with the recruiter today?  Any prospects?

BT-  Keep up the good work.  Go and buy a new pair of jeans, if you're gaining a little weight, with all the money you saved.

Drag-  what's the word from the doctors?  did you get your test results back?

Work has been good this past week despite the changes.  They decided to keep my friend on a little longer which makes me over joyed.  Change really is good sometimes.  I've been moved into  a position where they're really giving me more challenges now and an allowance for things I might need for my department.  Wow!  We've all resigned to the idea of being bugged, if that's even the case.  I'm starting to wonder if its a case of super paranoia or insanity started by one individual and passed along to each co worker, each one running with their own ideas of a super nanny cam operation. 

Hope all is well with everyone tonight.

hugs to all,

Cammie



Offline MOONLIGHT1114

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  • Cheech 2.2.94 - 4.23.10 We miss you so much!
Re: Dating Thread Part VII: Ovaries, Outcomes and Opportunities in October
« Reply #60 on: October 04, 2007, 10:36:56 PM »
HI GFs~

Yes, GQ, it WAS good to read your post and know that you are feeling great!  I am tired tonight early, which is GOOD.  I have to get back into a better rythym around here with my sleep, so I will post and then go to bed.

I met with my recruiter today and they have a "long-term temp" job in Frederick which is great pay.  They are submitting my resume tomorrow and the hiring person will be back on Tuesday.  The frikkin job is only 3 miles from my house!  Thank goodness for MADAP, because my insurance premium through COBRA is covered for another year.  So, if I interview for this close-by job, even though its temp, I am A-OK.

I go to the landscaping company tomorrow.  They are high dollar, in a more expensive county, so we'll see how it goes.  The interview is at 1pm. 

I have a "stalker" as I like to call him, here in the posts.  That's why I had that Iron Maiden pic up.  Wouldn't you know I changed it back to the real me last night, and *pop* there's another PM from this guy.  This happened earlier in the summer with someone else and it irritates me.  This guy has nothing in his profile, no age, no location, and a mere 6 posts here in the Forums.  I wish people would do the right hting and introduce themselves some before they go start sending PMs.

I told him he was getting on my nerves and to back off.   ;D  I have more important things to deal with.  Wait till he sees mascot "Eddie", if he even figures that out.  (Stealth mode now......lol).

Cam, it sounds like one of your buddies is still at work?  That's nice to hear.  You may be right about the paranoia just being gossip, but things will prob die down some soon.

Lonely tonight.  Need some (man) arms to hold me.

Where's Cheech?  LOL  He's all I've got sometimes, and that's OK with me.

Sleep well, everyone.

~Cindy
HIV+ since '93, 1/12 - CD4 785 and undet.   WOO-HOO!!

Offline emeraldize

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Re: Dating Thread Part VII: Ovaries, Outcomes and Opportunities in October
« Reply #61 on: October 04, 2007, 11:46:09 PM »
I have a "stalker" as I like to call him, here in the posts.  That's why I had that Iron Maiden pic up.  Wouldn't you know I changed it back to the real me last night, and *pop* there's another PM from this guy.  This happened earlier in the summer with someone else and it irritates me.  This guy has nothing in his profile, no age, no location, and a mere 6 posts here in the Forums.  I wish people would do the right hting and introduce themselves some before they go start sending PMs.

I told him he was getting on my nerves and to back off.     I have more important things to deal with.  Wait till he sees mascot "Eddie", if he even figures that out.  (Stealth mode now......lol).


Cindy
Have you reported him to the moderators? Doesn't matter what your avatar is as its your screen name that can be followed. We can block posts, but can we block e-mails? I've never had cause to want to block someone's PMs, but it seems it's worth asking. Food for thought...you've got enough info on here that if someone really wanted to stalk you, it wouldn't be difficult.
Em


Offline MOONLIGHT1114

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  • Cheech 2.2.94 - 4.23.10 We miss you so much!
Re: Dating Thread Part VII: Ovaries, Outcomes and Opportunities in October
« Reply #62 on: October 04, 2007, 11:51:30 PM »
Hi Em~

I am pretty sure the guy is out of the country, and he means no harm, he is just "smitten" if you know what I mean.  I just don't like people PMing me if they haven't introduced themselves.  I had to get my two cents in with him, this is the 3rd or 4th PM in a few weeks. 

It would be nice to block PMs, but the guy right now is more irritating than anything.

I'll keep you posted, and believe me, if he gives me any crap, I'll promptly report him, I have no problem with that.

~Cindy
(who still has a high kick from her days on the Pom Squad   ;D )
HIV+ since '93, 1/12 - CD4 785 and undet.   WOO-HOO!!

Offline emeraldize

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Re: Dating Thread Part VII: Ovaries, Outcomes and Opportunities in October
« Reply #63 on: October 05, 2007, 12:14:41 AM »

Hi Em~

I am pretty sure the guy is out of the country, and he means no harm, he is just "smitten" if you know what I mean.  I just don't like people PMing me if they haven't introduced themselves.  I had to get my two cents in with him, this is the 3rd or 4th PM in a few weeks. 

It would be nice to block PMs, but the guy right now is more irritating than anything.

I'll keep you posted, and believe me, if he gives me any crap, I'll promptly report him, I have no problem with that.

~Cindy
(who still has a high kick from her days on the Pom Squad    )

I see.

How do members "introduce" themselves to you?  Is that a matter of filling in their profile with more complete information or is there some other process?

I don't need to be kept posted on your stalker. It would be interesting however to learn more about this introduction phase.

Em
« Last Edit: October 05, 2007, 12:18:30 AM by emeraldize »

Offline Queen Tokelove

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Re: Dating Thread Part VII: Ovaries, Outcomes and Opportunities in October
« Reply #64 on: October 05, 2007, 01:56:52 AM »
Cindy-- I have to agree with Em on the stalker, report his ass to the moderators. Is there a way to block PM's on here? Never has had to but has a wicked tongue that would guarantee not being bothered again. When the drama was going on with you know who, I hurried up and put his ass on Ignore and reported him on the Personals.

Girl, now you sounding like you are whipped, missing some man arms, didn't you just see Stone the other day? ;D I'm just playing with you. But at least you get to say you have a man and see him. I don't know what to call what me and Boo have. I can't call it a relationship but we have FEELINGS....I know what I would like to be feeling though.... ;) It's sad when someone online holds your interest more than the men where I live.

Camille---- Glad things are getting better at work. Sounds like you may be getting more responsibilities thrown your way, smells like promotion to me. And the paranoia prolly is from the water cooler by someone who didn't have anything better to do, I wouldn't sweat it.

Well it is almost 2 am. I think I will play one of my computer games. Btw, Cindy, they have a new Diner Dash, I know how you liked Wedding Dash...
Started Atripla/Ziagen on 9/13/07.
10/31/07 CD4-265 VL- undetectable
2/6/08 CD4- 401 VL- undetectable
5/7/08 CD4- 705 VL- undetectable
6/4/08 CD4- 775 VL- undetectable
8/6/08 CD4- 805 VL- undetectable
11/13/08 CD4- 774 VL--undetectable
2/4/09  CD4- 484  VL- 18,000 (2 months off meds)
3/3/09---Starting Back on Meds---
4/27/09 CD4- 664 VL-- undetectable
6/17/09 CD4- 438 VL- 439
8/09 CD4- 404 VL- 1,600
01-22-10-- CD4- 525 VL- 59,000
Cherish the simple things life has to offer

The Royal Blog

Offline BT65

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Re: Dating Thread Part VII: Ovaries, Outcomes and Opportunities in October
« Reply #65 on: October 05, 2007, 05:54:05 AM »
Good morning ladies:

Well, guess what!  I got that part-time telemarketing job!  The lady called yesterday and saiad they will let me work part-time!  I'm so happy.  I start Monday. 

Your Highness, I'm so glad the rash is gone.  You must be feeling so much better. 

Cin, just hang in there sweetie.  You'll find a job.  I'm glad you have another year on COBRA also.  I agree with everyone else about that stalker, though.  I don't mess with people like that.  I would report him immediately.  You never know when some people might snap.  I wouldn't take any chances.  I do like you avatar, how appropriate.

Cam, I'm so glad your job is going better.  Some people will always be paranoid.  There's nothing to do but ignore them. 

I hope all you other ladies are doing alright.  I'm going to read some other threads, exercise etc.  Today I have to do my dad's shopping.  He always only has like five or six items anymore on his shopping lists and could really get it himself, but I think he likes to see us kids.  My brother goes over on the week that I don't and my oldest sister is over there two to three times a week.  I have one other sister in Arizona who calls my dad every day.  My oldest sister and her husband are going on vacation next week, so my dad asked me if I would call him every morning to make sure he's up.  I wonder if he's worried that something will happen to him and no one would know.  He has such a hard time breathing, but won't quit smoking.  Not that that would cure anything; the damage has already been done to his lungs.  I'll tell ya'all though, listening to him is like an affirmation for me to not go back to smoking.  And when he goes somewhere where he will be awhile, he has to take one of his oxygen tanks.  I see that and think "do I really want to get like that?"  Anyway, I hope everyone has a great day-
I've never killed anyone, but I frequently get satisfaction reading the obituary notices.-Clarence Darrow

Offline Dragonette

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Re: Dating Thread Part VII: Ovaries, Outcomes and Opportunities in October
« Reply #66 on: October 05, 2007, 07:16:23 AM »
Betty, congratulations!!! And Camille, I am happy for your that the work thing is working out alright, maybe even better than before. I am happy for Queen cos she's happy, and keeping my fingers crossed for everyone else.

My results sucked, big time. They indicate resistence, although I posted about it on the Living with and got some encouraging responses, my correspondence about it continued with more detials from my side and it is a lot more discouraging than that post looked, I have also done some reading and eductaed myself. It seems that I am becoming resistent to 2 drugs and at least one drug family (non-nukes). My biggest concern is to keep the nukes (family containing AZT, Viread, among others). I have no idea what will happen, I will probabaly get put on an entirely new regimen, who knows if it will be pregnancy friendly, most probabaly it won't be lipo-friendly at all. I know I should change asap to avoid getting more resistent and the new regimen not suppressing the VL. I am really depressed right now. I know that my situation is nowhere near as tough as what Betty or ML had to endure, but for me it is a severe blow to become resistent so quickly. I am really depressed, nothing more to say really, I was just picking my life and getting on finally with some very delayed work things and talking about babies etc, and now I just think that I could be dead in a few years. To be quite honest, except for the pain it would cause my parents, brother and boyfriends, I wouldn't mind if it just happened right now in a non-HIV related way than just dragging my ass through resistence and side effects. I know this is very negative, but this is what I am thinking. I will call the nurse practitioner later today and see if she's already talked to the doc and what did he say, but I really doubt it.

All the time I struggled against this virus in the most proactive way but now it is not something I can do or control anymore and effort don't matter. For the first time since this ordeal begun I feel poisoned and worthless. I understand this is not a latent thing but something actively growing and feeding on my body until it can kill me, the host. I know there are many people who live with this for decades, not just from this forum. I do know that. But I don't think I will be one of these people. I don't have the strength or the luck. I also can't believe I have letmyself become so happy, chilled and laidback in the last months. I should've known this would happen. Sorry to pour all this here but I have to let it out. Otherwise no one would know what I am thinking...  :'(
"If you keep one foot in yesterday, and one in tomorrow, you piss all over today". Betty Tacy

Offline emeraldize

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Re: Dating Thread Part VII: Ovaries, Outcomes and Opportunities in October
« Reply #67 on: October 05, 2007, 07:50:08 AM »
Wow. Sunrise on two ends of the spectrum here.

First, BT huge congrats. You'll be terrific. And Cam, sounds like things are turning around quickly at work. Good.  I'm glad for both of you.


Drag

Thank you for sharing what must be torturous for you. Please lean on us for as long as you need.

I am going to ask you to do something that sounds impossible.
Really truly impossible especially for a young, spirited, optimistic woman.

Get that incredible mind of yours out of the future---of forecasting no babies, side effects, doom and gloom----and out of the past, ridiculing yourself for having become happy, laid back and chilled as of late.

As simple-minded as it sounds, please stay with today.
Get the medical info you need today. Do the work you have that is required of you today. And, do something you enjoy today.

This is what you have...today. Yep. Sounds too simple, but this is it.

I have no intention of losing you to a mental walk into the waves of the ocean of your imagination. Nope, not if I or anyone else among us can talk you back in from your contemplation at water's edge.

Your immune system needs you back on task today.

You do have the strength to do this much. I know it.

If you are truly in a state of depression, then talk to the doc about how to get you defunked without debilitation. Put that on the asap list, in fact, the nurse practitioner might be able to help you there, too. If it's temporary derailment and not depression,( and that is presuming you know the difference), then you can pull yourself out. We'll be here to cheer you on and I'm banking on your beau and family to the degree that you're letting them in.

With love and light.
Em


Offline camille07

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Re: Dating Thread Part VII: Ovaries, Outcomes and Opportunities in October
« Reply #68 on: October 05, 2007, 08:45:41 AM »
~Cindy
(who still has a high kick from her days on the Pom Squad   ;D )
[/quote]

I would not want to be your stalker  ;)

Drag-  First off, don't ever compare yourself to others and feel like your complaining.  Our experiences are our own and our pain is our own and individualized. 
I am so so sorry for what you are going through.  This is definitely a time to lean on the people you are close to.

Offline Queen Tokelove

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Re: Dating Thread Part VII: Ovaries, Outcomes and Opportunities in October
« Reply #69 on: October 05, 2007, 01:21:47 PM »
Dragonette~~

This post is just for you because of the state of mind you are in right now. I will concern myself with you and post with the ladies later. I know they understand....

I can not pretend to know what you are going through because I can't. I have been following your other thread and read what Newt said. If I am understanding him correctly, just because the one class of drugs may be failing you, you still have options with a different class. I know it is frustrating but don't give up hope. I also have to agree with Em, you need to focus on the here and now. Not so much the future. I know you had your heart set on having a baby but for now put that on the back burner. Just take things one day at a time and be thankful that you have made it through one day and able to start another. Who knows why our bodies are the way they are and why the virus does what it does. Not sure who you can chalk that one up to but it is not your fault for the way you are. And however your chemistry is made up, it is you and you are UNIQUE. Hmm, that word doesn't look right but I assume my spell check is on.... ;)

I know you are feeling a flood of emotions about now. For that we are here for you, let it out, whether you want to scream, cry or be angry. But if you feel that you need professional help then by all means go seek it. The last thing you need to do is hold it all in. Just because you are poz does not mean you are not meant to be happy. I totally agree with Em on that one. If you need reassurance on this may I suggest that you read Christine's thread in Living With or some of her past posts. That woman is an inspiration and you may also get some inspiration from reading them. Like I said, I don't know what you are going through but knows that one day I could be there but wants you to know that I am here for you. I will be keeping you in my thoughts...
Started Atripla/Ziagen on 9/13/07.
10/31/07 CD4-265 VL- undetectable
2/6/08 CD4- 401 VL- undetectable
5/7/08 CD4- 705 VL- undetectable
6/4/08 CD4- 775 VL- undetectable
8/6/08 CD4- 805 VL- undetectable
11/13/08 CD4- 774 VL--undetectable
2/4/09  CD4- 484  VL- 18,000 (2 months off meds)
3/3/09---Starting Back on Meds---
4/27/09 CD4- 664 VL-- undetectable
6/17/09 CD4- 438 VL- 439
8/09 CD4- 404 VL- 1,600
01-22-10-- CD4- 525 VL- 59,000
Cherish the simple things life has to offer

The Royal Blog

Offline camille07

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Re: Dating Thread Part VII: Ovaries, Outcomes and Opportunities in October
« Reply #70 on: October 05, 2007, 01:46:31 PM »
Drag-  I meant to finish my thought and we lost internet.

I think by just doing the best you can to take care of yourself mentally and physically is really important right now.  I know you need to feel bad, so take all the time to cry and let it out.  But I agree with EM.  Don't fall into that that dark place where you can't get out.  This is really an important time to talk to the professionals for mental and physical assistance.

Christine is an amazing person with an abominable spirit.  We have corresponded through email a few times, and she's really become an inspiration to me. 

Of course, we are always here with open arms.

Big hugs sweety,

Cammie

Offline MOONLIGHT1114

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Re: Dating Thread Part VII: Ovaries, Outcomes and Opportunities in October
« Reply #71 on: October 05, 2007, 08:43:30 PM »
Play this link and dream about how great you can be.......

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8jd5hyGVw3k&feature=PlayList&p=C92DC9D8E908A2F3&index=0


Hi GFs~

BT~   Congrats on the job!  I KNOW you are psyched!  I hope you enjoy it!

Cristy and Sun~  You two are laying low, working a lot?  Check in GFs and tell us how you're doing!  Sun, are you going to see #2 this weekend?  Enjoy yourself and remember to BREATHE, it'll be OK!

Cam, Em and GQ~  Very good advice given to Drag.  I read Christine's post minutes after it came up the other night and was overcome with sobbing.  It hits too close to home.  Someone so young, vibrant and strong, to have to be dealing with this crap!

Drag~  I agree, let it out, cry your head off, but don't stay down in the depths.  Becoming resistant to a class of meds is scary, but its not the end, its not final.  I have been taken off of two regimens and have become resistant to a third in my years with the virus.  So, I guess that makes three classes that I can't even take again.  Its OK that this has happened in only two years, really.  I think the same way that you do, I think, "Oh gosh, another class of meds that won't work......"  but there are MORE.  I posted that in your other thread.  Please don't despair, you're really going to be alright and things will feel good again before you know it.

As far as getting pregnant, tonight I went to my HIV support group.  The facilitator said that Sustiva is the only med that interferes with a pregnancy.  That's just one med, Drag.  Just one.  There are so many others you can take.  Have you told your doc that you are considering getting pregnant?  Ask her how long you have to be off of Sustiva before conceiving, if you're even going to be on Sustiva.  The key is planning ahead so that you can have as many options available to you as possible.

We all love you very much and you will be OK.  Really, you will.  I can't say it enough.  I wish I were there to give you a big hug and cry with you.  I know the despair, I know the darkness, sometimes a wave will rush over us from out of nowhere, when we think we're getting through our day OK.  Cry and give into it and feel those emotions, confront them, and be stronger for it.  I know you have that courage in you, Drag.  Don't give up on yourself.  There is so much hope for our futures.  For YOUR future.

~Cindy
HIV+ since '93, 1/12 - CD4 785 and undet.   WOO-HOO!!

Offline sunseeker

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Re: Dating Thread Part VII: Ovaries, Outcomes and Opportunities in October
« Reply #72 on: October 06, 2007, 12:51:10 AM »
Hi Girls

Just a quick note to Drag:  I am new to this as well and recently started meds about 3 months ago and I am scared as I don't know if they are working either.  I started meds not because I needed them due to my levels but because I had swollen lymph nodes and was trying to get that under control.  I just got my blood work back yesterday and still don't understand what all the numbers mean.  I went on line to some of the lessons on this site and was able to get a little in site.  But all I can do is wait till my appointment in 3 weeks so see what the doctor says.  In the mean time I just keep telling myself that everything is OK and by stressing is just going to make me feel worse.  I will be thinking about you and thinking positive thoughts that everything is going to be OK with you. 

I will be MIA till Thursday.  Tomorrow I am leaving to see Cop #2.  Freaking out and like Moon said trying to breath.  If I can get to a computer I will check in and let you guys know how things are going.  But most of all i want to check in on Drag. 

OK everyone say a prayer for Drag and send her our positive thoughts.  I am sorry that I have not addressed everyone and will check in if I can while I am gone.

Sun

Offline Dragonette

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Re: Dating Thread Part VII: Ovaries, Outcomes and Opportunities in October
« Reply #73 on: October 06, 2007, 04:46:55 AM »
Hi everyone

I can't tell you how touched I am by all your wonderful responses. The situation is more complex than what appeared on the thread with Newt and I moved to PMs and read stuff. I won't go into the whole resistence thing now. I will be OK, I just need time to understand it all, I am a bit shocked that everything happens so soon. My docs want to wait but I will get a second opinion. I don't know yet what will happen so it's hard to write, but I will keep you updated.

A friend who saw what I was going through invited me & my BF for homeade pizza last night and then at work I even told my boss so I can say that emotionally, support-wise, between this forum and my real life, I couldn't have it better. I just couldn't. I am so so lucky and blessed, and to think so many people with HIV have to deal with isolation and even rejection on top of the disease itself. My VL is very low and it's not like I will die tomorrow, it's just that this is the first time I feel that this thing is here to stay and anytime it has a chance it will get a big foot in the door... how come this truth never git home before, cos I was busy dealing with the social, economical, romantic and other "fronts". Not that work is over on any of these (or ever is for mmost people). It made me realize that with all the problems with society, discrimination, even poverty, the #1 and biggest enemy is this virus. And that's never going to change. I do know Christine and it is through her story that I learned that one can become resistent through no fault of their own very quickly and run out of treatment options... I am very scared for her. I pray that a new type of drug will come out soon that she will be able to use.

I will reread all your posts. I love you & thank you so much for being there for me. Also my friend in Asia who wrote me a PM. I see my social worker at the hospital Mon, and we are still going to the gynecologist on Oct 31st. Moving on....

Sun, good luck with it... I hope so much you cop that cop ;D (could never resist a corny joke), & good luck to everyone else, with Everything. Everyone needs a measure of luck in their lives, but we (pozzies) play at higher stakes, someone once told me. 

Have a great weekend, love you all,
"If you keep one foot in yesterday, and one in tomorrow, you piss all over today". Betty Tacy

Offline BT65

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Re: Dating Thread Part VII: Ovaries, Outcomes and Opportunities in October
« Reply #74 on: October 06, 2007, 08:30:33 AM »
OK Drag, take a deep breathe.  I know, learning of resistance can be tough.  Hell, I'm resistant to all the PIs.  But, there are more meds out there that can and will work for you.  But make sure you let your feelings out.  Fear, sadness, frustration etc.  Holding them in will only make them worse.  We all love you and are cheering for you, girl.  Don't cross out the future yet.  And, like someone else said, take things a day at a time, not years at a time.  No one can say what will happen even a month from now.  All we have any remote control over is what happens in our lives today. 

Cin, I am wondering how the job interview(s) went?  And are you doing anything special with Stone this weekend? 

Sun, good to hear from you.  I hope things go well with #2 this weekend.

Today I have to color my roots (again).  If I didn't color my hair, I would have so much grey!  If I can ever figure out how to move my picture from the pozpersonals section to over here, I will so people will be able to connect a face.  Maybe I'll ask a friend of mine's son to, since he's really computer savy.  I'm totally not.  He's the one who put it on the personals site from his mom's computer. 

Well, I had applied a couple weeks ago at one of the Salavation Army's stores in my area.  They are looking for part-time people.  Yesterday the manager called and I went for an interview.  She told me to call her in a couple days, so I will do that.  If she were to offer me the job, I'm not sure which one I would take.  I also did the on-line application for Wal-Mart and someone from there called me also.  Now, I don't really like the whole corporation of Wal-Mart, because of how they treat their employees. If people don't know what I'm talking about, then you can go to walmartwatch.com.  I believe that's the link.  But, anyway, they called when I was taking a nap.  When I woke up, it was like 7:30 at night, so I figured I would just call today and leave a voicemail.  I don't know what type of help they need.  I can't stand for very long, because my left kneecap is broken and the cartilage in it is completely crushed (happened from being pushed down a flight of stairs by a past relationship).  And in my right knee, it's collapsing.  But I know Wal-Mart claims they make reasonable accomodations for people.  So, we'll see. 

I hope you're doing better, Drag.  Just hang in there and don't cancel any plans yet.  Hope everyone else is having a good morning. More later-
I've never killed anyone, but I frequently get satisfaction reading the obituary notices.-Clarence Darrow

Offline MOONLIGHT1114

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Re: Dating Thread Part VII: Ovaries, Outcomes and Opportunities in October
« Reply #75 on: October 06, 2007, 12:39:05 PM »
Hi GFs~

Today I picture all of you...........  ;D

Queen~  With arms above your head taking those braids down, or maybe you've moved on to "putting them up" again?  GF sighs and takes a break to play Diner Dash!  You wonder about Boo and how he's doing, but not for long, as the game captures your undivided attention now.  You take a deep breath, smile, and know it will be alright. LOL   ;D

Em~  Painting, planting and paper-pushing.  Digging in the dirt planting mums, on a step ladder priming your walls, digging through your file cabinet for papers needed to send in regarding your daughter.  You take a deep breath, smile, and know it will be alright. ::)

Cam~  Even though its not a workday, I picture you scrutinizing your computer at work, wondering if paranoia needs to be a reality there, and then chuckling to yourself when you realize it doesn't.  You look up at the corners of the room, in case the boss has installed under-cover cameras or bugs!   You take a deep breath, smile, and know it will be alright.  :D

Drag~  I picture you today as a Free Spirit, clearing your mind as you ride like the wind through the streets near your home.  Riding your bike and going to the store for a few things, perhaps?  Your hair is blowing back and the breeze invigorates you as you smile up to the sky......and you think to yourself, "Yes, I'm going to be alright....."   You take a deep breath, smile, and know it will be alright.   :-*

Sun~  Driving up I-95 or maybe south on it, not sure, to go see #2.  Nervous excitement, accompanied by a little bit of hesitation as well as assertiveness for the emotional challenge that you feel is waiting for you with disclosure.  You take a deep breath, smile, and know it will be alright.  :)

BT~  Pondering about which PT job to go for.  There were none before, and now there are options.  You're excited about working, about making a difference and earning some money.  You take a deep breath, smile, and know it will be alright.   ;)

Cristy~  I picture you at home, outside, out at the woodpile.  You stack up wood with little Robert, inhaling the humid air that is way too warm for this time of year.  You think about your brother's visit, wonder to yourself how you will handle things with regards to him.  You take a deep breath, smile, and know it will be alright.   8)

Myself~  I have caught a Fall cold, and my throat is burning.  I dream of chicken noodle soup as I post, but decide to have some later in the day when I may need it more.  Its a hot sunny day, I am sick, but had a great interview yesterday, really hit it off with the CFO for the company.  I recall how she and I agreed on many things as far as what was important to the company.  I wonder if I will be called back for a second interview.  I wonder why Stone hasn't called in a few days. 

I take a deep breath, smile, and know it will be alright.   :)

~Cindy
« Last Edit: October 06, 2007, 12:42:07 PM by MOONLIGHT1114 »
HIV+ since '93, 1/12 - CD4 785 and undet.   WOO-HOO!!

Offline Queen Tokelove

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Re: Dating Thread Part VII: Ovaries, Outcomes and Opportunities in October
« Reply #76 on: October 06, 2007, 02:13:13 PM »
Funny Cindy, You're not far off with what I plan to do today. Just let me insert that I have gotten up after sleeping in and feeling quite relaxed today actually. I checked my sugar which was 165, not surprised considering what I ate last night. Gets up and pours a glass of Pepsi. Sits back on the bed and takes my diabetic meds along with the Dapsone. Turns on the tv and surfs the channels for a bit but decides to watch the cartoons that were recorded this morning. Rolls up a phatty for a wake and bake and smokes. Then contemplates whether to continue doing hair today or just chill....Still out on that one so pulls out the laptop. Checks out my messenger list and sees Cindy needs some chicken noodle soup. No messages from Boo, not sure what's going on there. Logs online to the forums to chat with her online family especially her girls.......Afterwards will go into  a Diner Dash Hometown Hero coma, it's the newest in the Diner Dash series....May do hair later since it is a nice cool breezy day, it's not like I have anything else planned...... ;D

So now you pretty much have my day. Betty, I did see online where some Walmart works just got awarded over 62 million for something. I would reconsider working for them, not just because of that but because of your knee. I don't think there is a sit down job anywhere in there, at least not at my Walmart.

Well I'm off to chat with the rest of the family and you know the rest.....
Started Atripla/Ziagen on 9/13/07.
10/31/07 CD4-265 VL- undetectable
2/6/08 CD4- 401 VL- undetectable
5/7/08 CD4- 705 VL- undetectable
6/4/08 CD4- 775 VL- undetectable
8/6/08 CD4- 805 VL- undetectable
11/13/08 CD4- 774 VL--undetectable
2/4/09  CD4- 484  VL- 18,000 (2 months off meds)
3/3/09---Starting Back on Meds---
4/27/09 CD4- 664 VL-- undetectable
6/17/09 CD4- 438 VL- 439
8/09 CD4- 404 VL- 1,600
01-22-10-- CD4- 525 VL- 59,000
Cherish the simple things life has to offer

The Royal Blog

Offline camille07

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Re: Dating Thread Part VII: Ovaries, Outcomes and Opportunities in October
« Reply #77 on: October 06, 2007, 04:08:28 PM »
Cindy-  what i loved about your post is that we were all happy, with positive actions, doing our thing and that's how you saw us.  I think thats really important that we see ourselves as that, regardless of the situations around us.  I've been working on it and it works.  I'm not saying its hard at first, but its almost like starting a good habit. 

Today I was at the dog park, which I take Jada to every saturday and sometimes sunday morning.  A friend and I were in a great conversation, watching our dogs go at it (her dog is 1/4 of the size of my dane and the two are great buddies), when we saw a rotweiller pick up a pekinese (tiny dogs almost resembling pugs) and start violently shaking it.   The dog had the little one in what's considered a death grip.  My friend and I was horrified, people were crowded around doing everything in their power to stop the dog and nothing was working.  A full minute past and a complete stranger, a women and yes I am emphasizing that, jumps on this huge rottie and the little one is released.  The owner snatches the little dog and runs to a shady area hysterical as you can imagine.  My friend and I started pouring our water bottles on the wound which was on the hind leg thankfully.  The worst part is the woman was so hysterical b/c this was her partners dog, not her own.  As bad as it got, everything slowly got better.  The woman with the rottie stuck around for the rangers and offered to pay for the vets. We calmed the lady down.  For what the dog just went through the disposition of this dog turned around.  The wound stopped bleeding and we were able to calm the distraught woman.  She left for the animal hospital around the corner and was gracious.

What is so upsetting is that the woman who brought the rottie in (not saying either that rotties are all bad, this is just a single incident) just got the dog from the ascpa and wanted to bring her down to the dog park for fun.  She had no idea how her dog would interact with other dogs...where is the logic?

I've been going to this park for 3 years and never saw this before.  But was I have seen is altercations, fist flying between men at least 4 times.  Crazy huh?

Hope you all are having a great afternoon.  Except for our girls in the other parts of the world, hope you are having a great evening or morning:)

Hugs to you all,

Cammie


Offline Dragonette

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Re: Dating Thread Part VII: Ovaries, Outcomes and Opportunities in October
« Reply #78 on: October 06, 2007, 06:36:47 PM »
what a bunch of great posts. Cindy, you rock!!! Betty, Camille (in the PM), thanks so much for the support, and to everyone who responded earlier, you know who you are! I am still so touched. How fortunate I am to be surrounded by such supercool ladies. I'm dying to meet all of you.
Yes I feel better today. went to town with BF, some shopping, I can't say I didn't have the choked throat teary eye syndrom, esp looking at all the families and crowds of Saturday, I can't say why that always makes me sad, & I am not even PMSing, still it was good. I got home and made some couscous, which is one of my specialties. Tomorrow I'll go to the gym and work. Yes I ride a bike everywhere. For one thing, my license doesn't hold in the Netherlands. For another, it's scary to drive here with all the countless other bikes. Finally I really like it, not always in the rain and the wind, but it gets me places...

I have been getting mixed messages on the drugs thing, manly b/c there are two schools of thought, the ""wait it out" and the "change ASAP before you ruin your chances of a healthy life for good". I wrote a letter to the specialist I saw in London, asking for consultancy (paid of course). If I can, i would like to take full advantage of my current regimen until new drugs come out, but not at the price of overall resistence, obviously. I know I have good docs here, not complaining, and I know that they probabaly think I'm a spoiled hysterical brat (or something), but that's OK... they don't have to live with HIV, as a foreigner, as a woman, yada yada yada, I do. So I figure if I can consult on a complex problem with a really big name, I'll do it. And that makes me feel just a little bit better. Don't get me wrong, I am not looking for the "big name" in HIV treatment because of the prestige or the number of publications, I liked this doc mainly because he is gay and has a positive boyfriend he speaks very openly about and for the first time since this thing begun I felt a doctor was really seeing me and not just a set of numbers. When I was waiting for him at the clinic, he came in and I thought he was one of the patients. So he knows... My problem though is - for the first time - not the medical establishment, nor the stigma - just this microscopic evil thing, and that is so scary. I am not in this alone though.

My friend has asked me to join the board of the positive women's group I talked about here a while back, for that I have to spend one day a month in another city. Even though I am swamped with work, I think I will go for it. Next week I go to Amsterdam to see them again. I was so distraught when she called me I couldn't talk, but I have been thinking about it and I think I should do it. We don't have a good representation here as women and as foriegners, though most of the women are much worse off than me, being illegal immigrants (but not all). I am afraid of committing and then not being able to contribute enough and letting people down, but I will try to clear that up. Energy spent is energy expanded, just like at the gym right? I'll let you know how it goes.

Monday I get my new room at work and voice recognition software. I won't have time to train it for a while but when I do it should make writing much easier. Yes my work is treating me well (except for being temporary and with no social rights, but they haven't much choice in that), I really am so lucky.

Big hug to all you fine ladies out there, enjoy whatever you're doing. I'll be trying to follow Em's and basically everyone else's advice, do what I need to do, and something for fun, and not think of the past or the future... smile, and know it's gonna be alright...

« Last Edit: October 06, 2007, 06:39:59 PM by Dragonette »
"If you keep one foot in yesterday, and one in tomorrow, you piss all over today". Betty Tacy

Offline emeraldize

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Re: Dating Thread Part VII: Ovaries, Outcomes and Opportunities in October
« Reply #79 on: October 06, 2007, 09:10:19 PM »
GQ

you kill me...

wake and bake

You are my online version of Comedy Central, I swear.

ML

planting mums? oh, I wish!!!! that will be a reward if I get my work-work done.

I did buy some gourds. That's fall-ish.

DRAG

 :-*

BT. Oh, BT.
Save thy wounded knee

As dear GQ
Has forewarned you

Good old retail
Can and will only assail

And to everyone else, Cristy CJC - where are you? Sun -- love Drag's "cop a cop" -- that's very good! Cops probably have t-shirts with that on it, heh? Blessed. Blacky. Dorjus if you haven't moved and, and, and...

Have a good weekend.

Em

Offline emeraldize

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Re: Dating Thread Part VII: Ovaries, Outcomes and Opportunities in October
« Reply #80 on: October 06, 2007, 09:14:19 PM »
Oh yes.

Cam---Bow WOW and Holy Crap---
A woman jumped on a Rotty! That had to be somethin' to see.

What an exciting day at the pooch park!!!

I'm surprised you all weren't picking up after the owners.  ::)


Offline Queen Tokelove

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Re: Dating Thread Part VII: Ovaries, Outcomes and Opportunities in October
« Reply #81 on: October 06, 2007, 11:34:23 PM »
Too bad I don't get paid like the comedians on Comedy Central. I was just watching Lisa Lampanelli on there last night. I love her. Most rotties are trained to be mean sad to say. I do play with a few pits from time to time who are quite friendly. But I will always be a cat person. We have 4 here and my cat seems to be trying to mate the female still but it is quite entertaining. Everywhere she goes, he is not far behind.

My day pretty much consisted of what I posted earlier. It did get rather warm today which seemed to have drained me quite a bit.I guess that is all for me, nothing really to report.
Started Atripla/Ziagen on 9/13/07.
10/31/07 CD4-265 VL- undetectable
2/6/08 CD4- 401 VL- undetectable
5/7/08 CD4- 705 VL- undetectable
6/4/08 CD4- 775 VL- undetectable
8/6/08 CD4- 805 VL- undetectable
11/13/08 CD4- 774 VL--undetectable
2/4/09  CD4- 484  VL- 18,000 (2 months off meds)
3/3/09---Starting Back on Meds---
4/27/09 CD4- 664 VL-- undetectable
6/17/09 CD4- 438 VL- 439
8/09 CD4- 404 VL- 1,600
01-22-10-- CD4- 525 VL- 59,000
Cherish the simple things life has to offer

The Royal Blog

Offline BT65

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Re: Dating Thread Part VII: Ovaries, Outcomes and Opportunities in October
« Reply #82 on: October 07, 2007, 06:40:24 AM »
Wow, what I miss when I don't check in during the day.....

Cin, what a great post!  I love your visuals!  I picture you rocking out, doing the air guitar thing to "Smells Like Teen Spirit" by Nirvana. ;)

Queen, you're probably right about Wal-Mart, even though it says in their application that in accordance with the American with Disabilities Act, they will make reasonable accomodations.  I will probably take that telemarketing job, as it's a sitting one.  And I know what you mean about cats.  I prefer cats.  I have a girl that I rescued from a refuge here.  I've had her for a year and a half and she's my sidekick.  She's jumpy as hell, but she probably has post-traumatic stress disorder from being with all those other cats before I adopted her.

Cam, wow.  I'm so glad the other dog was at least still living.  I'm sure the owner was a mess.  I would be.  I'm surprised the owners didn't get into a fight about it.  I don't know what the rot's owner was thinking, not even knowing the dog's temperment and taking it to a dog park?  How ludicrous. 

Drag, I'm glad you're calming down.  Things will be o.k.  You have a lot of other options.  I'm glad you're doing something for fun.  That's so important.  And I make it a point to watch some comedy every day.  I've got to laugh each and every day.  That keeps it light. 

I hope all you other ladies are doing alright.  I'm off to start the day.  Tomorrow is the first day of work, wish me luck-
I've never killed anyone, but I frequently get satisfaction reading the obituary notices.-Clarence Darrow

Offline cjc

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Re: Dating Thread Part VII: Ovaries, Outcomes and Opportunities in October
« Reply #83 on: October 07, 2007, 10:18:36 AM »
Hello ladies. I am still here, just kinda lurking instead of posting. 



Cristy~  I picture you at home, outside, out at the woodpile.  You stack up wood with little Robert, inhaling the humid air that is way too warm for this time of year.  You think about your brother's visit, wonder to yourself how you will handle things with regards to him.  You take a deep breath, smile, and know it will be alright.   8)


~Cindy
                                                                                                                    Love that, Ml. And so accurate.  that is what Robert and I will be doing if I can get him away from the boys.                    Queen, I have no say in the household. I live here but only contribute food and housekeeping services so......                               My brother came in Friday. Things have been okay so far but I have basically been staying in my room reading.                                         Drag, sorry to hear about your resistance. I know nothing about that but hope it works out for you.                                                      Betty good luck with the job. First day will be great. Just keep saying that and it will be so.                                                               ML, Hope the interviews went well.                                                   Em, Did you buy seeds for gourds or already grown ones so you can make a nice arrangement. I bet you have a really good green thumb.. I hope things are going well for you.                                     SS, hope this weekend goes well.                                                   I will be lurking and reading but just don't much feel like posting.Have a new book, well new author to read. Got about 10 of her books. I like books that are as far away from my reality as I can get and these fit the bill. The Author is Laurell K Hamilton.  They are full of magic and mayhem so I like them. Oh, yeah, the later ones have a lot of sex in them. I would like some of that in real life but will just go without til I find what I'm looking for. I am talking to a very nice man but we are just talking right now. He's nice but not sure about sparks so.....    I love ya'll and will try to check in more often.  Cristy(edited for spelling and cause it didn't look the way I wanted it to)
« Last Edit: October 08, 2007, 08:31:48 AM by cjc »

Offline emeraldize

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Re: Dating Thread Part VII: Ovaries, Outcomes and Opportunities in October
« Reply #84 on: October 07, 2007, 10:59:59 AM »
       Em, Did you buy seeds for gourds or already grown ones so you can make a nice arraingment. I bet you have a really good green thumb.. I hope things are going well for you. 

I bought already grown gourds that look like they're from another planet. They've hybridized gourds such that they're getting more and more strange. So I chose some of the strangest I could find to make a table arrangement for a dinner I'm hosting.

I like to garden, but I've been known to be a bad mom to a houseplant or two in my life. I'm much better now---more of a homebody than ever before.

Thanks for the well-wishing---yes, things are going fine. Normal life challenges and continuing calls for patience and persistence. Nothing off the charts which is a fine thing to be able to write.

Em

Offline MOONLIGHT1114

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Re: Dating Thread Part VII: Ovaries, Outcomes and Opportunities in October
« Reply #85 on: October 07, 2007, 11:52:12 AM »
OMG, I woke up today and couldn't talk.  LOL  I have a really bad sore throat, well, I guess it could be worse.  It doesn't hurt too much to swallow, but its hard to clear my throat.  I don't think I've ever sounded this funny before!  It all started Friday night, so I have been inside all weekend with Cheech, catching up on shows I recorded.  I have gargled with salt water and I will really push the fluids.  My nose is fine, I can breathe through it no problem, so if I can just nip this sore throat, I'll be better!

I am going to watch the Skins game today, but it sounds like I've already yelled at the TV some, judging from this voice.  I'll survive.

Lots of tea, fluids, and rest, hoping this doesn't get really bad......

Have a great Sunday, everyone!

~Cindy
« Last Edit: October 07, 2007, 11:54:00 AM by MOONLIGHT1114 »
HIV+ since '93, 1/12 - CD4 785 and undet.   WOO-HOO!!

Offline BT65

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Re: Dating Thread Part VII: Ovaries, Outcomes and Opportunities in October
« Reply #86 on: October 07, 2007, 02:36:14 PM »
Good afternoon ladies:

I'm just checking in before I get started on this paper I have to do for school.  So, I'm just kind of lurking also.  Hey, Cin, I hope you feel better soon!  Take care ladies-
I've never killed anyone, but I frequently get satisfaction reading the obituary notices.-Clarence Darrow

Offline MOONLIGHT1114

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Re: Dating Thread Part VII: Ovaries, Outcomes and Opportunities in October
« Reply #87 on: October 07, 2007, 02:47:45 PM »
Hail to the REDSKINS!

(cough, cough)

LOL   :D
HIV+ since '93, 1/12 - CD4 785 and undet.   WOO-HOO!!

Offline camille07

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Re: Dating Thread Part VII: Ovaries, Outcomes and Opportunities in October
« Reply #88 on: October 07, 2007, 05:13:27 PM »
Who the heck farms gourds?  I always see them in the fall.  I have never known any one who grows them?  I've grown pumpkins, I've seen pumpkin patches, but never a gourd patch. 
And, is patch really appropriate for gourds?

Ah, the oh so important questions of life.

Offline BT65

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Re: Dating Thread Part VII: Ovaries, Outcomes and Opportunities in October
« Reply #89 on: October 07, 2007, 06:52:42 PM »
Hey, Notre Dame won their first game yesterday.  And, oh, fuck it, I don't care.  I hope everyone's having a good evening.  I just finished a report for school so I'm brain-dead at this point. 
I've never killed anyone, but I frequently get satisfaction reading the obituary notices.-Clarence Darrow

Offline Afraid

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Re: Dating Thread Part VII: Ovaries, Outcomes and Opportunities in October
« Reply #90 on: October 07, 2007, 10:47:43 PM »
Hello Everyone

It's been a year since my diagnoses, and rape. Now I am ready to move on and start to date. However all the men I come across I feel isn't worthy of my heart. Is it beacuse I am expecring to much, or am I afraid that when the times comes and I have to disclose my status they will reject me? So I take it amongst my self and find all the things wrong about them. In my defense some are just a**holes. I am 25 with the world at my feet, so what am I afraid of. One guy that I was dating and I did find myself caring for him, fell to tell me he had a live in girlfriend. I didn't find that out until she called my house asking me 101 questions that she should have been aking him. It just turned me off so bad because I was like wow, are you kidding me he left about the most important thing. I must admit that I am starting to feel the pain of being lonely.

I want kids I want a family, but I am not sure if that's ever going to happend for me.
so what do I do? Do I keep searching until God blesses me with that special someone. or do I settle and just accept who ever as a seat filler for now?

I know that I am still dealing with my own issues like me starting to love and accept myself with my disease. However it would be nice to have someone.

It just hurts so bad because Now that I am ready to find and give myself to someone. I can't because of my situation. I still get angry and jealous when I see some of my associates out and about with there mates and they are freaking disease free. When they have slept with everything that would stay stiff long enough.

Maybe it's the cool whether that has me feeling like I need someone, or maybe I am just coming to terms with myself. I don't know! However it would be nice

Offline MOONLIGHT1114

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Re: Dating Thread Part VII: Ovaries, Outcomes and Opportunities in October
« Reply #91 on: October 07, 2007, 11:21:16 PM »
Hi GFs~

Good Lord, she's got a gourd!  LOL  I dunno if they are in "patches" or not either, Cam, lmao!  We might have to post picks and take a vote!

BT~  Do you like Notre Dame?  I remember you saying traffic was a bitch before, but I don't know if you support the team or not.  I'm a Maryland Terp and a Washington Redskin!

Hi Afraid~  Its nice to see you back here.  Everything you posted echos exactly what I am thinking as well.  I am 37 and widowed 11 years now, and I wonder if I will ever settle down again.  I have dated a lot but have wondered where this is all leading.  I get very lonely, too.  I just want one special man to call my own, but yes, its difficult to trust.  I started posting here last June because I was driving myself insane, debating whether or not to disclose to a neg guy I was seeing.  Its good to read that you are starting to accept yourself with the virus.  That's been the hardest thing for me.  Just by virtue of posting here with these women and friends in the Forums this summer, I feel much stronger.  Yes, with dating there can be trust issues, sex needs to be discussed openly, and my goodness, there is always the fear of rejection.  I sometimes wonder when life is going to start over for me, and then I realize that "This is it!" 

I know that the loneliness can be unbearable, but get out and clear your head, and know that its OK to be alone sometimes.  Get out and socialize, date, date, date, because there is strength in numbers.  I bet that the more guys you date, the better the chances are of you finding a really good one for keeps.  Remember, you don't have to be intimate with all guys that you date and therefore disclose, you have a right to choose, too!  I think that dating will boost your confidence, and will attract good quality guys your way.  I think sometimes what we need is a little bit of attention, its normal for us to want to be close to someone.  I used to beat myself up mentally when I was dating, getting so nervous about the future and disclosure.  But you know what?  I kept on dating, and it made me stronger and more confident.

Get out and mingle, go where the music is, if thats your thing, go run or bike ride through the park, even if you're alone, you'll most likely run into people in the most unlikely of places. 

Oh, and most of all, remember to be PATIENT.  Good things take time.  Big hug to you tonight.   :-*

~Cindy
HIV+ since '93, 1/12 - CD4 785 and undet.   WOO-HOO!!

Offline Dragonette

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Re: Dating Thread Part VII: Ovaries, Outcomes and Opportunities in October
« Reply #92 on: October 08, 2007, 04:10:27 AM »
Hi Afraid

Glad to see you back. I think if you have the ability, you should try to get some counceling so that you don't face this dating thing alone. I think because of the rape, everything is more traumatic and difficult for you. Add to that the poz situation, makes life very difficult for you. I say for youn because objectively, there are a lot of guys who would not judge you nor reject you, and in fact only sympathize with you, the question is how to find them. Most likely a better way to find someone like that is not clubbing or internet dating (with the possible exception of poz sites) but through friends, school, church or another social activity, or just by chance. But you will have to keep your eyes and ears open to see that special guy who looks like he has a good heart and an understanding spirit. I think you treat dating in the same way that I did until my diagnosis, like we (women) are out on a metaphorical shelf and the men approach and choose. I now realize that I have to target and choose actively because 99% of the men that used to approach me were sleazy. This was especially true until the age of 24-5 when I started to have serious relationships with guys from university, work etc. Until that point, I dated guys who hit onn me in clubs, bars, etc. I am not saying you can't meet someone great at a bar but I think it's less likely.

I don't know in which country you live nor how you pass the time, if you are working, what is your social setting. Try to look around you... sometimes the best guys are just under our nose and we don't see them, especially when we are young(er)... Gosh, now I can't believe this piece of "auntie" advice really came from me, but I guess somehow I did manage to mature in the last decade  ;)
"If you keep one foot in yesterday, and one in tomorrow, you piss all over today". Betty Tacy

Offline aserenityseeker

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Re: Dating Thread Part VII: Ovaries, Outcomes and Opportunities in October
« Reply #93 on: October 08, 2007, 04:27:13 AM »
Hi all.  I had posted this an a different section and a few ladies said to post it here as well. :
10-7-2007I have only dated two men once each in the past two years and sex with only one(an old boyfriend at that.) I really want to meet someone yet when I go on the poz website or any other site I meet a few nice guys, then they pressure to meet right away like they are going to die tomorrow. I have one a few days ago who I had been sending emails with an IM on yahoo messenger and within few days he is saying lets meet(when we live over 300 miles apart. then IM's say I love you..where are you..an pressure started. I told him I need to talk with him by Email a bit, then we can talk on phone and go from there it takes time to learn about eachother etc.. (His reply was what are you waiting for time is to short. I have been doing this three years and need to meet someone. I am ready to rage &  then he said he had to go now to get back online to meet someone else). Am I crazy to feel that is to much to fast and for all the wrong reasons?? Maybe I have just been on my own for to long and I am just wanting to be really safe and sure before I g et my heart in this love thing again. I do feel alone at times but I am not lonely nor desperate. I would love companionship then friendship and if love comes then passion that would be perfect. I dont believe just because we are HIV positive we have to settle for just anyone and we are allowed to take our time for our soul mate to find us. That's not crazy either right?  Thanks for any feedback   
 
This is the reply to those ladies on the other section.
10-8-2007
Thanks ladies for the replys. They cracked me up.   whew I knew i was normal but those men seem to spin things so dam fast ya start to wonder ( is it me? ) i am happy you all said no its now. hahahah. I have read more than half of the threads and they are great. I am glad I found you ladies and look forward to meeting more of you. I have already made friends with confusedme(amy) and shes a doll so hope you get to know me soon as well.  Dawn

Oh here is what I sent him then I deleted him from IM
wow you sure get mad when things dont go your speed. well I wont bother you again as it appears unless I pretend to be in love now rather than be thruthful and say I am really interested in you lets get to know more and go from there then you throw me way. Cant find a true friend, companion an partner that way. Hope you find what you are looking for as I am looking for a true connection and that takes time and patience with eachother.     Bye delete... bye bye....



I am so looking forward to meeting more of you as your advise I have seen so far is cool and real.  Bye for now Dawn ;)
Positive since: 1993
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Offline BT65

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Re: Dating Thread Part VII: Ovaries, Outcomes and Opportunities in October
« Reply #94 on: October 08, 2007, 06:08:52 AM »
Dawn, you know what, I am thinking most likely he said he loves you because he wants to get into your pants.  I can't believe guys still try to use that trick.  Glad you broke things off with him; he sounds like a slickster.

Belief, you have to be alright with just being with you.  Did you ever get any counseling for the rape?  Although we can help you through these things, you really need a trained, professional therapist who can help you sort through the residual feelings and any issues you still have.  I was gang-raped, held hostage and beaten when I was 15 and it took me quite awhile in counseling to get "back to normal." (Whatever that is or was).  That was a big issue for me.  I was hooking up with guys (prior to counseling) that weren't worth the time of day.  Substance abusers, or physically/emotionally abusive etc.  I really had to recognize what the rape did to me and all the baggage I carried from that.  Please seek out counseling for this, and I think you'll find your opinions of the type of man you will settle for will change. 

Cin, no I'm not really a N.D. fan.  Yes, the traffic is a bitch when they have a homegame and when they are going to play, people around here act like it's the second coming of Christ.  It kind of makes me sick.  South Bend is getting to be such a shithole, N.D. is one of the few things it has I think that keeps generating a lot of money through the town, so in that way it's good.  I'm really a Chicago Cubs fan, although they lost their ass in the play-offs.  But being a Cubs fan is like a tradition amongst me and my brother.  If someone is a true Cubs fan, it is like a tradition, more than just "being a fan." 

Well girls, today is my first day at a real job in 14 years.  I am kind of nervous but I plan on doing some yoga this morning and meditating to try to get centered.  Wish me luck and if I'm not too tired tonight, I'll post about the day.  I hope everyone has a great day-

Edited- when I put "Belief," I should have addressed it to "Afraid."  Sorry Belief, and thanks Cin for pointing it out!
« Last Edit: October 08, 2007, 05:45:29 PM by Bettytacy »
I've never killed anyone, but I frequently get satisfaction reading the obituary notices.-Clarence Darrow

Offline cjc

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Re: Dating Thread Part VII: Ovaries, Outcomes and Opportunities in October
« Reply #95 on: October 08, 2007, 08:47:23 AM »
Who the heck farms gourds?  I always see them in the fall.  I have never known any one who grows them?  I've grown pumpkins, I've seen pumpkin patches, but never a gourd patch. 
And, is patch really appropriate for gourds?

Ah, the oh so important questions of life.
    Lol At Cam ;D.   Apparently there are some gourd farmers who take this very seriously. They must, to be coming up with some of these wild mutant hybrid gourds that we  see this time of year.                       Betty, Hope the job goes fantastic for you today. You will have quite a full plate with job and school                        Afraid, i think Betty is right to suggest counseling. Rape is a horrible thing, then to find out you are poz from it, doubly traumatic. If you can, find a therapist to talk to. And of course we are here for you but we do not take the place of trained counselors                               Seek(I will adopt Em's name for you) You should take things exactly however fast or slow YOU want to. Don't let anyone push you into more than you are ready for. Good men still exist, it just takes  time to find and get to know them                                                       Everybody else. Love ya'll, hope you are well and I will check back in later. Love Cristy

Offline emeraldize

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Re: Dating Thread Part VII: Ovaries, Outcomes and Opportunities in October
« Reply #96 on: October 08, 2007, 10:37:20 AM »
Cam: Google 'gourds' and you'll get your answers. Not to life's questions, but to your gourd's gourd questions. You won't find the kind I bought, but it is interesting to see the site of the world's largest grower of gourds used for crafts, painting, carving and other sites that feature gourd use. I'm glad my humble, half-dozen gourd purchase launched your fertile wonderment. Yes, they're grown in patches.

Afraid: Good to see you posting again. BT's got this one covered in terms of empathetic advice---the very best kind. I am sorry these events happened to both of you and glad the perps did not kill you. Take good care of yourself and don't settle for anyone to fill a seat---ever. What a waste of everyone's time.

BT: Have a great day at work!

Seek: glad you found the thread.

Em



Offline MOONLIGHT1114

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Re: Dating Thread Part VII: Ovaries, Outcomes and Opportunities in October
« Reply #97 on: October 08, 2007, 11:18:25 AM »
Hi GFs~

Sick as a dog today.  Its just my throat, though, so I am sipping hot black cherry tea.  I have no voice right now, kinda "squeak" when I talk, but that will get better through the day, lol!  I'm taking meds regularly, so I should be OK.  It figures I need to get my labs done this week, when my system is down, so to speak.  Oh well.

I had a dream this morning and I was in my callback interview for a job, at the same place.  It was a guy interviewing me, but after a minute, he walked me to the CFOs office and said "This girl is sweet.  We want her working for us."  Funny, in my dream, I looked at the CFO who really did interview me in real-life last Friday, and then I looked at the guy and said, "....but....." as if he was going to say WHY they couldn't hire me.  There's my insecurity in my dream, goodness!  The guy said, "Nope, you're in, we want you here to do great things."

So, hey, I am dreaming about getting a job, and I never dream!  Crazy me, needing to make sure, even in the dream with a "...but...", lol!   ;D

OK, I'm gonna go curl up with my hot tea now.....

Have a great day GFs!

~Cindy
HIV+ since '93, 1/12 - CD4 785 and undet.   WOO-HOO!!

Offline Queen Tokelove

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Re: Dating Thread Part VII: Ovaries, Outcomes and Opportunities in October
« Reply #98 on: October 08, 2007, 03:22:32 PM »
Hello Ladies---

It's getting close to that time for someone else to start a new thread. I'm not sure who is up for the challenge. I have been kind of quiet and just observing things. I haven't really been in the mood to talk. Don't know why because at the moment nothing is wrong. Woooo Hoooooo. Just has chosen to be quiet or only speak when I have something to say.

Welcome to the ladies just joining this thread. It's a great bunch of women here. I have read your threads as well but has nothing to add because I agree with what has been said. But feel free to vent or just share, it's what we do here. And just know you are not alone.

Something is going on with my left ear. I think it is clogged up with wax from the hearing aids. I haven't made an appointment to get them cleaned out since I can't drive my car. And the other one isn't fixed yet. I have been using over the counter stuff but it doesn't seem to be helping much. Other than that everything seems to be going fine. Just sitting here watching Rose Red.

Cindy--- If you don't dream and all of a sudden you are dreaming about an interview, I would say it just goes to show how much the job thing really is on your mind. Kinda pouring into the sub conscience. And how did you end up with a cold? Prolly from those damn mazes you love so much... ;D Keep sucking down the soup and tea. I hope you get better soon.

Betty--- Good Luck with your first day of work. I hope your knee holds up. I was just thinking, how about a knee brace, would that give you some support? My best friend has messed up knees and at times she can barely get out the bed.

I am outta here. I hope you all have a good day....
Started Atripla/Ziagen on 9/13/07.
10/31/07 CD4-265 VL- undetectable
2/6/08 CD4- 401 VL- undetectable
5/7/08 CD4- 705 VL- undetectable
6/4/08 CD4- 775 VL- undetectable
8/6/08 CD4- 805 VL- undetectable
11/13/08 CD4- 774 VL--undetectable
2/4/09  CD4- 484  VL- 18,000 (2 months off meds)
3/3/09---Starting Back on Meds---
4/27/09 CD4- 664 VL-- undetectable
6/17/09 CD4- 438 VL- 439
8/09 CD4- 404 VL- 1,600
01-22-10-- CD4- 525 VL- 59,000
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Offline BT65

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Re: Dating Thread Part VII: Ovaries, Outcomes and Opportunities in October
« Reply #99 on: October 08, 2007, 05:51:54 PM »
Hey everyone:

Queen, I do have a knee brace that I wear every day when I go out.  Otherwise my knee "clicks" really bad.  I exercise five days a week.  Just yoga right now.  I can't do a lot of the poses, because I can't bend my knee past a certain degree.  But the yoga helps with my legs staying strong, and with the breathing that I do during the yoga, that helps with wanting to smoke. 

Cin, girl, you better be careful.  Don't let your sore throat get too out of control before you do something about it.  I've never heard of black cherry tea, but it sure sounds good.  I like tea, but the past few days it's been in the upper 80's here, so I haven't really wanted any tea.  Unusual weather for Northern Indiana in October.  I think it's global warming.  I do what I can, recyclying wise.

Glad everyone else is alright.  Today at the job, it went great.  I met a lady who's raising her six grandchildren because her daughter was murdered.  And this lady had polio when she was two, and so she walks with braces that she holds and her right foot drops.  She is determined though, so how can I be any less.  Hope everyone is having a great evening.  I'm not going to linger here too long because I'm sweating like some kind of farm animal. :P 

Take care ladies-
I've never killed anyone, but I frequently get satisfaction reading the obituary notices.-Clarence Darrow

 


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