Meds, Mind, Body & Benefits > Mental Health & HIV

I want to die. I want to just go home to God. My body is tired.

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Guys I am so sad and lonely. I am 38 and have nothing to show for it. I just had 3 mini strokes and lost my husband in March. Now I find out my roommate is letting a hooker stay here and there is nothing I can do about it. I was diagnosed with bi-polar and have no meds.
I am a good person that doesn't lie and does not do drugs anymore and I quit smoking. NOTHING I DO IS GOOD ENOUGH. I have no friends. Nothing but my 2 cats and now I may lose them because she wants me to leave. NO MONEY, NO FOOD, NO FRIENDS, NO BOYFRIEND OR HUSBAND, AND I LOST MY DAUGHTER BECAUSE I CAN'T AFFORD TO KEEP HER.
I WANT TO DIE. I may go soon. I just wanted to cry out hoping, maybe someone can help or give me words to keep me here. I feel nothing but sadness. Lonliness. dread.
God please, I want to go home. Please let me come home.  :'(

Matty the Damned:

This may seem a stupid question given how you feel but do you have an HIV case worker you can contact?


yeah and he is sending an application out to this program where they can help if you are approved but it isn't available until November. I have no money to buy food, pay rent, or put gas in my car to get a job. I just want to go to my bedroom and take the meds and let God take over. That is how I feel. I don't know what else to do. I have noone. My daughter can't help and she doesn't deserve to be brought down by my problems. I had everything until my husband died.

Matty the Damned:
OK Dor,

I get the feeling that it's your circumstances having overwhelmed you which leads you to feel like you want to die. I'm not saying the feeling isn't real, but that if some of your material problems are alleviated your feelings about this might change.

I'm also concerned that you're an unmedicated manic-depressive (bipolar disorder). Is there any possibility of your case worker arranging an emergency psych appointment?


I don't have a doctor anymore since I moved. Have to get a new one. I was on 2. One for panic attacks and one for bi-polar. But right now I will call a doctor because you are right. I love life, I love God and Jesus, I am just so lonely and scared. I never been on my own like this. EVER.


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