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Author Topic: Difficult subject, but something I thought I should talk about.  (Read 14645 times)

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Offline Mouse

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Difficult subject, but something I thought I should talk about.
« on: September 23, 2007, 07:12:11 PM »
Hey, guys. This is a really difficult thread for me for a lot of reasons, so I'm really sorry in advance if any of this isn't completely coherent or doesn't make as much sense as I'd like it to, but I'm trying to word all of this in a way so that the majority of everyone who reads it will understand it as best as they can.

I've been a member of this forum since I was 14. I've always tried to be open about everything that I can so that I can get the most out of the advice that you guys give, not just for my health, but also for the wisdom that a lot of members here have given me in regards to other aspects of my life as I've gotten older and begun to experience new things.

I really appreciate the patience that everyone has shown, and I hope that after this thread my relationship with everyone here will continue to be as good as it always has been, because this forum and the people I've met here mean a lot more to me than I think I am capable of expressing sometimes.

The reason I am explaining this now is because, like I've said, I want to continue to be able to get the most out of this place and also, so that the people that I care about are more capable of a better understanding of certain issues that are going on in my life.

Because there isn't an eloquent or easy to way to word this, I don't really have much of a choice but to be upfront and blunt. Something I've decided not to disclose to you guys in the years that I've been here is the fact that I'm transgendered - female to male, to be more specific. For people that aren't sure what that is, it basically means that I was born biologically female but am actually (mentally, emotionally, etc) male. I wasn't born with ambiguous genitals or anything like that - I'm not intersexed - until I was able to come out and tell my parents (at an actually very young age) I was raised like any other female-assigned person. However, I was always aware since my earliest memories that this wasn't right and around middle school I let my parents know. Drama ensued, but it's mostly water under the bridge at this point, but for the most part I've lived as male the majority of my life and 95 percent of everyone I know has no idea I was born as anything but male. Only my family and my closest friends are aware of anything otherwise.

Around 3 months ago, I started hrt (hormone replacement therapy) and I inject 200 mg of testosterone every 2 weeks. This is pretty standard for trans individuals, and it's all completely monitored by a doctor and after an absurd amount of therapy. I'm much, much happier and relived to have finally started and to have gotten the opportunity to do this at my age, which is pretty difficult for someone under legal age to obtain. The idea behind this is to encourage male secondary sex characteristics in my body - and it's been working pretty goddamn well, if I do say so.

Anyway, understandably, there are many issues in my life that relate either directly or indirectly to my status as a transsexual guy, especially when the topic of my health (both physical and mental) comes up. I've decided, after a LOT of thought, that it would probably be in my best interest for people here to be aware of this, especially when giving me advice that pertains to these two things.

I don't know what else to say, other than that I hope everyone here is aware of the fundamental aspects of this sort of stuff - most notably that this was not something that I chose, anymore than anyone else chooses what gender they are. I also hope that people are aware that I do not identify as a trans person, and that I consider it an unfortunate medical issue and not an identity of mine. I identify as male - completely and unquestionably. My personality is sometimes feminine, but there are many guys, who are biologically male, that are the same way - and I see myself in that same light.

I understand that everyone is entitled to their own opinions, and that they'll come up when things like this are discussed, and all I ask is that you're respectful of me. If you have any questions or need clairification about anything I've spoken about, I have no problem answering questions, as long as you remember that I will absolutely not answer anything that I think invades my privacy. The best way to avoid questions like this is to think about what you'd be comfortable with someone else asking YOU about their bodies, personal life, etc. Basically, just be respectful.

That's all.

Offline Matty the Damned

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Re: Difficult subject, but something I thought I should talk about.
« Reply #1 on: September 23, 2007, 07:13:46 PM »
Matty the Damned has known about this aspect of Jaser's life for quite a while now. There are a number of other key members of this place who've known about Jaser being a transman. Bucko, Aunty Doxie, Little Steve, Goderator Ann, Goderator Jan, Timmy Hunter, Miss Melia all know and affirm and support him during this momentous period of transition in his life.

The Smaller One had enormous difficulty telling me because he feared I would reject him. He was concerned that I would feel he'd lied to me.

Nothing could be further from the truth. The fact that the Baby-Boi is transgendered makes not a whit of difference to the way in which I view him. He will always be my best boy.

As far as I and many others are concerned, Jase is as much a gay male as anyone else.

It is the content of Squeakie's heart and mind, not his trousers, which matters to me and the other people who know and love him.

Nevertheless, transgendered people often face the most awful rejection and discrmination even from people who should know better. Rejection and hatred are the reasons our Little Man must go to school over the Internet. For him to go to a regular school has now become impossible. He is harrassed and isolated when he does, and what is wose, faces the real threat of physical harm.

I don't want to prejudge how some of you might react to this news but bitter experience has shown that such prejudgement is necessary. For those who have a problem with the Kidlet being a trannie (a tiny minority I'm sure) I would strongly advise you to keep your mean and heartless views to yourselves.

Remember that Jase, despite his wisdom and preternatural maturity, is still a 16 year old kid and is entitled to the respect and consideration from adults that all children are entitled to.

That includes sending him intrusive and inappropriate PM's about this stuff or trying to "discuss" the broader issue of trans-sexuality in this thread. If anyone has to have such a discussion, then start a new thread which the kid will have the option of avoiding if he wants.

I mean it. As one of Jaser's fairy poz fathers I have obligations to him and I will carry them out.

That said, I'm certain that this news will be greeted with the fullest support and acceptance of Jaser's positive brothers and sisters. Gender reassignment is a huge thing for anyone to go through and he needs all of us to stand with him at this time.

MtD

Offline Ann

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Re: Difficult subject, but something I thought I should talk about.
« Reply #2 on: September 23, 2007, 07:23:30 PM »
Further to comments by Matty regarding intrusive PMs sent to Mouse - this practice simply will not be tolerated. Don't bug him (Mouse) with PM questions. (bug Matty all you like ;) ) If you have questions about trangender issues, ask them in the forum, please.

Mouse is under strict orders to report any intrusive or abusive PMs and action WILL be taken.




Mouse, I'm proud of you lad.  :-*

Hugs,
Ann
xxx
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Offline Dachshund

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Re: Difficult subject, but something I thought I should talk about.
« Reply #3 on: September 23, 2007, 07:23:50 PM »
As your Grandpoz I couldn't be prouder. You're tough as nails and an inspiration.

Love,
Aunty D

Offline bocker3

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Re: Difficult subject, but something I thought I should talk about.
« Reply #4 on: September 23, 2007, 08:01:55 PM »
Mouse,

I've been reading your posts for a long time now, although I can't say that we really know each other, I want to say that I am very proud of you for being true to yourself.
If we can't be who we really are in a support forum, then I don't know where else we can.  The thing I really like about these forums is the wonderful diversity.  We all have so much to learn from each other.
I can imagine how terribly difficult "coming out" in this thread was for you -- I am so glad that you did it though. 
We are only given one life to live, I think it's important that we live it truthfully.

Hugs,
Mike
Atripla - Started 12/05
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Offline fearless

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Re: Difficult subject, but something I thought I should talk about.
« Reply #5 on: September 23, 2007, 08:08:35 PM »
Love you Mouse.
 :-* :-* :-*
Little Steve
Be forgiving, be grateful, be optimistic

Offline allanq

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Re: Difficult subject, but something I thought I should talk about.
« Reply #6 on: September 23, 2007, 08:10:38 PM »
Jase,

I have always admired you, and I now admire you even more.

When I first started reading your posts, it was hard for me to believe that you were so young. Your wisdom and sensitivity just seemed way beyond that of a 14-, 15-, or 16-year-old. Actually, in terms of wisdom and sensitivity, you are way beyond most adults that I know. You're also one terrific writer.

I'm glad you came out in the forums. I can only imagine how difficult it was to do this.

I wish you all the best, and I hope I will have the pleasure of meeting you at a future AMG.

Allan
Top (Breakfast): Prezista, Norvir, Isentress, Zoloft (2), Glyburide (2), Aspirin
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Offline Mouse

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Re: Difficult subject, but something I thought I should talk about.
« Reply #7 on: September 23, 2007, 08:13:01 PM »
Mouse,

I've been reading your posts for a long time now, although I can't say that we really know each other, I want to say that I am very proud of you for being true to yourself.
If we can't be who we really are in a support forum, then I don't know where else we can.  The thing I really like about these forums is the wonderful diversity.  We all have so much to learn from each other.
I can imagine how terribly difficult "coming out" in this thread was for you -- I am so glad that you did it though. 
We are only given one life to live, I think it's important that we live it truthfully.

Hugs,
Mike

Well, the thing of it is, I really have been 'who I really am' in this forum. It isn't a matter of that, as I've never presented myself here in a way that isn't consistant with who I really am. This is really more a matter of clarifying more about my medical situation than it is about telling the truth in any way - as I've always told you guys the truth. Like I said, I do not identify as a trans person and I really feel as though it's nobodies business to know that I'm trans unless I make it their business. You are all just part of the very limited amount of people that aware of this medical condition of mine, just as there are very few people that know I'm HIV+. It's not something ANYONE has the right to know, unless I want them to.

I appreciate the support, however. I just want to make sure all of that stuff is clairified. =)

Offline md

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Re: Difficult subject, but something I thought I should talk about.
« Reply #8 on: September 23, 2007, 08:14:24 PM »
Mouse, all that matters is the person that you are.

From reading your posts it is obvious that is a very good, kind and thoughtful person.

I have great respect for you and the way in which you have decided to disclose something so personal that none of us have a "right" to know it (although you most certainly have the right to share it with us if you choose).

Michael

(who is frequently embarrassed when reading Mouse's posts because their maturity and thoughtfulness remind me of what a complete and utter idiot I was when I was his age ...)

Offline bocker3

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Re: Difficult subject, but something I thought I should talk about.
« Reply #9 on: September 23, 2007, 08:22:00 PM »
Well, the thing of it is, I really have been 'who I really am' in this forum. It isn't a matter of that, as I've never presented myself here in a way that isn't consistant with who I really am. This is really more a matter of clarifying more about my medical situation than it is about telling the truth in any way - as I've always told you guys the truth. Like I said, I do not identify as a trans person and I really feel as though it's nobodies business to know that I'm trans unless I make it their business. You are all just part of the very limited amount of people that aware of this medical condition of mine, just as there are very few people that know I'm HIV+. It's not something ANYONE has the right to know, unless I want them to.

I appreciate the support, however. I just want to make sure all of that stuff is clairified. =)

Mouse,
I really didn't mean to imply that you were ever anything but truthful.  I'm sorry if it came across that way.  I was only trying to show support and to let you know that I was moved by your sharing.  Just keep doing what you are doing, because, clearly, you are an intelligent lad, who has much to share -- both in this forum and the wider world.

Hugs,
Mike
Atripla - Started 12/05
Reyataz/Norvir - Added 6/06
Labs - Pre-Meds
Sep05 T=350/25% VL98,559
Nov05 288/18%  47,564
Current Labs
May2013 691/31% <20

Offline Mouse

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Re: Difficult subject, but something I thought I should talk about.
« Reply #10 on: September 23, 2007, 08:27:10 PM »
Mouse,
I really didn't mean to imply that you were ever anything but truthful.  I'm sorry if it came across that way.  I was only trying to show support and to let you know that I was moved by your sharing.  Just keep doing what you are doing, because, clearly, you are an intelligent lad, who has much to share -- both in this forum and the wider world.

Hugs,
Mike


I didn't think you really did, I just wanted to make sure that was throughly explained in case anyone would construe it that way.  :)

Offline mjmel

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Re: Difficult subject, but something I thought I should talk about.
« Reply #11 on: September 23, 2007, 08:34:17 PM »
Your second-to-last paragraph is right-on. It's how I have perceived you and will continue to perceive you.
Well done.....mouse.
You are of strong character to disclose and that's outstanding.
I hope I get the opportunity to meet you in person someday, an AMG, perhaps.
xxx,
Mike

edited: misspellings
« Last Edit: September 23, 2007, 08:36:56 PM by mjmel »

Offline northernguy

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Re: Difficult subject, but something I thought I should talk about.
« Reply #12 on: September 23, 2007, 09:37:16 PM »
Thank you for thinking enough of us to share this personal part of you with the forum.  :)
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Offline Sdgirl

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Re: Difficult subject, but something I thought I should talk about.
« Reply #13 on: September 23, 2007, 09:45:56 PM »
You are brave little one.............far braver than most adults I know.

It is YOU who everyone cares and loves

Lisa
"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.  Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.  It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us.  We ask ourselves.."Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?  Actually, who are you not to be?"

Offline AlanBama

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Re: Difficult subject, but something I thought I should talk about.
« Reply #14 on: September 23, 2007, 09:49:24 PM »
Honey, I loved you before you told us this, and I love you just the same (maybe even a little more  ;) now ).

You always blow me away with the courage you show in dealing with this thing called LIFE.

I've always felt you were wise beyond your years.   This just confirms that even more.

Love & hugs,

Alan
"Remember my sentimental friend that a heart is not judged by how much you love, but by how much you are loved by others." - The Wizard of Oz

Offline ademas

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Re: Difficult subject, but something I thought I should talk about.
« Reply #15 on: September 23, 2007, 09:52:34 PM »
I just want to say that I admire the hell out of you, Jaser.
Truly.


Offline Queen Tokelove

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Re: Difficult subject, but something I thought I should talk about.
« Reply #16 on: September 23, 2007, 09:53:16 PM »
Wow!!!! I always considered you a young lad anyways, so it doesn't matter to me that you are trans gendered. I think I have told you this before but I consider you to have an old soul. I think it takes extreme balls to do what you did. And here I sit worried about someone knowing if I am poz....You are an inspiration, indeed. I could only wish to have half the courage you do....
Started Atripla/Ziagen on 9/13/07.
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Offline StrongGuy

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Re: Difficult subject, but something I thought I should talk about.
« Reply #17 on: September 23, 2007, 10:02:20 PM »
Your courage and honesty is beyond inspiring.

Glad you are here and muchos kudos to you.

You make us all proud!
"Get your medical advice from Doctors or medical professionals who you trust and know your history."

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Offline englishgirl

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Re: Difficult subject, but something I thought I should talk about.
« Reply #18 on: September 23, 2007, 10:04:50 PM »
jaser
thank you for sharing this so personal bit of who you are with us. it must have taken incredible courage and i for one am honoured. i hope that all you are repaid with is even more love and respect than what we already feel for you. i wish the wider world would be as supportive as you deserve it to be, and it is people like you who change it for the better by your openness and maturity in educating others. you are an amazing guy and i wish you all the best xxx
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Offline PeteNYNJ

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Re: Difficult subject, but something I thought I should talk about.
« Reply #19 on: September 23, 2007, 10:17:16 PM »
You are a true hero.  I can't believe how much you have been through and how great your attitude usually is - I would be a mess.   

I am glad you shared with us.  You are a strong young man and you have nothing but support from me.

Pete

Offline emeraldize

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Re: Difficult subject, but something I thought I should talk about.
« Reply #20 on: September 23, 2007, 10:46:00 PM »
You pay us a compliment to share such truth
What delight that it's packaged so tenderly in youth


Offline naftalim

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Re: Difficult subject, but something I thought I should talk about.
« Reply #21 on: September 23, 2007, 11:48:51 PM »
Good on you. Your situation is more common than you may imagine. I presonally know somone who worked for me and at the age of 21, decided that she needed to make the change that has been insider her for her whole life. I cannnot begin to imagine how difficult it was for her all those years being a gender and persona in which she did not feel right.

I had read the book Middlesex just prior to finding out from (him now) so understood it even better. Highly recommended book by the way.

So, kudos to you, and I hope very much that you are at peace with yourself.

Offline Miss Philicia

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Re: Difficult subject, but something I thought I should talk about.
« Reply #22 on: September 24, 2007, 12:09:18 AM »
I'm sure that was a bit difficult to share and come out with, and I hope you feel a bit relieved.  I've certainly encountered this topic with friends of friends over the course of the past +15 years so it doesn't phase me at all. 
"I’ve slept with enough men to know that I’m not gay"

Offline Robert

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Re: Difficult subject, but something I thought I should talk about.
« Reply #23 on: September 24, 2007, 01:23:44 AM »
Mouse.

I think you'll find support from those of us who care about you.  We're also the same people who care about each other.  WE're all not one big happy family.  We all have our own issues and problems and secrets but there is a lot of respect and acceptance among us and, like family, we take care of our own.

Thanks for sharing.

robert
..........

Offline sacinsc

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Re: Difficult subject, but something I thought I should talk about.
« Reply #24 on: September 24, 2007, 01:49:10 AM »
First of all I dont know what kind of butt head would say anything mean to you. As a high school teacher, i wish I had more kids like you actively seeking help and social interaction in a safe environment. I applaud you!
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Offline MOONLIGHT1114

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Re: Difficult subject, but something I thought I should talk about.
« Reply #25 on: September 24, 2007, 01:50:18 AM »
Hi Mouse~

I can't even explain how proud I am of you, having the perseverance to go through with what you feel is best for YOU.  And then to share it with all of us, too?   :D  You have so much courage for one who is so young.  I agree with many of the posts here, we can all truly be ourselves here and not fear ridicule or outcast.  I am so glad that you have decided to share this very personal and important aspect of yourself, of your life, with your Forum family.

You're amazing, Mouse.

~Cindy
HIV+ since '93, 1/12 - CD4 785 and undet.   WOO-HOO!!

Offline Mouse

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Re: Difficult subject, but something I thought I should talk about.
« Reply #26 on: September 24, 2007, 01:57:51 AM »
First of all I dont know what kind of butt head would say anything mean to you. As a high school teacher, i wish I had more kids like you actively seeking help and social interaction in a safe environment. I applaud you!


Actually, my experiences with this are one of the contributing factors to why I want to be a teacher. I'd really like to be in a position that a couple of my teachers were in and did their job well - not only were they good, entertaining, intelligent teachers but I was able to go to them for help with the gay and trans stuff. I remember how much I appreciated that while I was stuck in public school and things were awful, and I'd like to be able to help another gay or trans or bi or whatever kid that is going through the same stuff I was/am.

Offline wellington

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Re: Difficult subject, but something I thought I should talk about.
« Reply #27 on: September 24, 2007, 04:54:05 AM »
I've always been in awe of your posts, Jaser.  For someone so young (in years) you express yourself with such maturity and presence, and this posting is no exception.  It takes a great deal of courage to live sometimes, and even more to live with integrity.  You have it in spades.  Kudos and a big thank you for contributing so much positive light to the fabric of this community/forum.

Offline scud44

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Re: Difficult subject, but something I thought I should talk about.
« Reply #28 on: September 24, 2007, 05:21:37 AM »
From one of the older members of this forum to possibly the youngest - Mouse I am proud of you and the way you wrote that.
I have several transgender friends (yes I know that is different) and we all get on very well - I am so glad that you have support from your family and friends and your real friends on this forum.
I am sure that when ever you post and whatever you say will be noted and commented on fovourably by others here.

It is good that you can use people like Matty, Ann, the Queen and others to numberable to mention (sorry) as sounding boards for any challengs you may have in life.
I hate to see young people (that is anyone under 55 to me) having problems that they cannot solve in life.

Once again, Mouse, go for life as you would any great challenge

Lots of hugs
Scuddles
CD4 = 110 - 30 July 2007 - 10%
VL = 139000 - 30 July 2007
CD4 = 252 - 6th August 2007
VL = 16400 - 23rd August 2007
CD4 = 240 - 23rd August 2007
VL = 400 4th Sept 2007
CD4 = 96 - 4th Sept 2007
CD4 = 120 18th Sept 2007
VL = 386000 19th Nov 2007
CD4 = 160 19th Nov 2007
CD4 = 110 10th Jan 2008
CD4 = 311 29th Jan 2008
VL = <50 29th Jan 2008
CD4 = 148 2nd April 2008
VL = 110,000 2nd April 2008
June 2010 and nothing has improved

Offline poz1970

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Re: Difficult subject, but something I thought I should talk about.
« Reply #29 on: September 24, 2007, 05:30:48 AM »
hi

I've been in infrequent visitor to here since I was diagnosed, and have loved finding such a friendly informative bunch of people, despite the occassional flame, or bitchy comment, its the happiest little community that I've ever seen. 

From what I've seen, everyone embraces those differences in each other in an incredibly supportive way (this is why I love these forums :-)

J
another australian.
"The Bible contains 6 admonishments to homosexuals and 362 admonishments to  heterosexuals. That doesn`t mean that God doesn`t love heterosexuals. It`s just that they need more supervision." -- Lynn Lavne

Offline Peter6836

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Re: Difficult subject, but something I thought I should talk about.
« Reply #30 on: September 24, 2007, 05:49:26 AM »
Hi,
You are a wonderful and honest individual. I for one am proud to be able to share a small portion of your life. Your courage far surpasses any that I have experienced before in my life. I could never think badly of you. I send you nothing but love and hope to continue to experience parts of your life through your post. You are an inspiration to all of us.
Thank you for being yourself and sharing that self.
Love Peter

Offline DanielMark

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Re: Difficult subject, but something I thought I should talk about.
« Reply #31 on: September 24, 2007, 06:42:54 AM »
You're still the same you that you always were Jaser, and nothing can change that.

Thanks for having the courage to follow “your honest heart” as I like to call it.

Daniel
MEDS: REYATAZ & KIVEXA (SINCE AUG 2008)

MAY 2000 LAB RESULTS: CD4 678
VL STILL UNDETECTABLE

DIAGNOSED IN 1988

Offline Dragonette

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Re: Difficult subject, but something I thought I should talk about.
« Reply #32 on: September 24, 2007, 06:53:08 AM »
Hi there Mouse,

Just a couple weeks ago, there was an article in the most popular Israeli newspaper about a love story between two FTMs. The article was published in a weekly section that features love stories between hetero couples.
I had really wanted to translate it and post it in the Off Topic forum b/c I was really moved by 3 things: one, just how brave they were in being who they were, no apologies, and furthermore in this exposure; two, that they found each other and have a great big love going on; and three, that the majority readers reactions' (talkbacks) were so not at all what I expected. I mean, there is certainly a very dark chavinistic/homophobic/racist mainstream in Israel, and for these women to be exposed and photographed like they were (they were also on TV) is incerdibly brave. It also gives me hope as a poz to see that not all people are as harsh and judgemental as I sometimes fear.
I didn't translate and post this article it in the end, b/c I have wrist pain, but mainly b/c I thought that no one would be interested... evidently, I was wrong.
I just post the link so you can see the pics, and know that even in Israel acceptance is emerging. It's very brave of you to share your truth with us. In fact, that in itself is inspiring...
www.ynet.co.il/articles/0,7340,L-3447631,00.html
"If you keep one foot in yesterday, and one in tomorrow, you piss all over today". Betty Tacy

Offline Nadine

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Re: Difficult subject, but something I thought I should talk about.
« Reply #33 on: September 24, 2007, 07:19:09 AM »
Jaser,

I can only echo what everyone else has said. I'm am very proud of you for being so honest (as I've always known you to be)  Nothing could ever change what anyone thinks of you here...We love ya!

(((BIG HUGS)))

Offline david25luvit

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Re: Difficult subject, but something I thought I should talk about.
« Reply #34 on: September 24, 2007, 07:26:19 AM »
Jaser...

            There was a time when you and I talked by IM....nights when you couldn't get to sleep
            nights when you would ask me lots of questions.  and I enjoyed our conversations.  I'm
            sorry you felt like you couldn't tell me sweetheart...I hope it was nothing I said or did.
            I've always thought you were a great kid and nothing you've said today here in this thread
            changes that.  I'm not sure why it was necessary to name the people you were able
            to confide in but I'm awfully sorry I wasn't one of them....  Makes me feel like I failed you in
            some way.  I wish you the best kiddo....  Truly I do.........
« Last Edit: September 24, 2007, 08:54:30 AM by david25luvit »
In Memory of
Raymond David McRae III
Nov. 25, 1972- Oct. 15, 2004
I miss him terribly..........

Offline Mouse

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Re: Difficult subject, but something I thought I should talk about.
« Reply #35 on: September 24, 2007, 07:41:10 AM »
Hi there Mouse,

Just a couple weeks ago, there was an article in the most popular Israeli newspaper about a love story between two FTMs. The article was published in a weekly section that features love stories between hetero couples.
I had really wanted to translate it and post it in the Off Topic forum b/c I was really moved by 3 things: one, just how brave they were in being who they were, no apologies, and furthermore in this exposure; two, that they found each other and have a great big love going on; and three, that the majority readers reactions' (talkbacks) were so not at all what I expected. I mean, there is certainly a very dark chavinistic/homophobic/racist mainstream in Israel, and for these women to be exposed and photographed like they were (they were also on TV) is incerdibly brave. It also gives me hope as a poz to see that not all people are as harsh and judgemental as I sometimes fear.
I didn't translate and post this article it in the end, b/c I have wrist pain, but mainly b/c I thought that no one would be interested... evidently, I was wrong.
I just post the link so you can see the pics, and know that even in Israel acceptance is emerging. It's very brave of you to share your truth with us. In fact, that in itself is inspiring...
www.ynet.co.il/articles/0,7340,L-3447631,00.html

I'd like to point out that these two individuals are not women.

Offline Dragonette

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Re: Difficult subject, but something I thought I should talk about.
« Reply #36 on: September 24, 2007, 07:55:33 AM »
I'd like to point out that these two individuals are not women.

sorry, complete slip of the tongue, I know they are not women, so no idea how that even got written. teach me a lesson not to post from work :(
"If you keep one foot in yesterday, and one in tomorrow, you piss all over today". Betty Tacy

Offline Iggy

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Re: Difficult subject, but something I thought I should talk about.
« Reply #37 on: September 24, 2007, 08:00:32 AM »
Jaser,

I get wanting us to know so that any offers of advice from issues ranging from treatment to daily living will take it in consideration.  I honestly appreciate your honesty and being upfront, and echo others at their amazement of how impressive you have been since you first came on the boards.

I would really be surprised if anyone who has been here more then a day would be disrespectful on this particular issue.

Iggy

Offline Mouse

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Re: Difficult subject, but something I thought I should talk about.
« Reply #38 on: September 24, 2007, 08:20:27 AM »
Jaser,

I get wanting us to know so that any offers of advice from issues ranging from treatment to daily living will take it in consideration.  I honestly appreciate your honesty and being upfront, and echo others at their amazement of how impressive you have been since you first came on the boards.

I would really be surprised if anyone who has been here more then a day would be disrespectful on this particular issue.

Iggy


I've said the same thing a thousand times to myself before, when telling family members, friends, etc. Someone always seems to manage to surprise me.

Offline newt

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Re: Difficult subject, but something I thought I should talk about.
« Reply #39 on: September 24, 2007, 08:32:01 AM »
What everyone else said

Thank you Jaser, I hope one day they name a star after you, not some red dwarf, a huge, blazing new one

- matt
"The object is to be a well patient, not a good patient"

Offline Buckmark

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Re: Difficult subject, but something I thought I should talk about.
« Reply #40 on: September 24, 2007, 08:36:19 AM »
Mouse,

I'm really glad you felt comfortable enough sharing this with us here on the forums, and it must have been very difficult for you to do so.  I appreciate your openness, and hope that no one here would be disrespectful to you. 

I had no idea of your age, and am honestly surprised that you are so (relatively) young.  Your posts seem much more mature and insightful than your age would suggest.  Given this, and what you have shared with us, it seems to me that you know yourself so well -- perhaps better than many others of us here know themselves (or, at least, better than I know myself).

I suspect you will find support and acceptance from the people here on these forums.  And regarding your journey ahead, I wish you strength and courage (which you already seem to have).

Sincerely,

Henry


"Life in Lubbock, Texas, taught me two things:
     One is that God loves you and you're going to burn in hell.
     The other is that sex is the most awful, filthy thing on earth and you should save it for someone you love."
- Butch Hancock, Musician, The Flatlanders

Offline Andy Velez

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Re: Difficult subject, but something I thought I should talk about.
« Reply #41 on: September 24, 2007, 09:00:01 AM »
Well done, WELL DONE, Jaser.

Huge congratulations for taking the huge step of disclosing so clearly and specifically where you're at in every way. I've known about this for sometime and just figured if and when you were ready you'd say what you had to say.

If I or we can be helpful to you on your ongoing journey just say so.

Wishing you well and all blessings,

Andy Velez

Offline MoltenStorm

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Re: Difficult subject, but something I thought I should talk about.
« Reply #42 on: September 24, 2007, 09:07:51 AM »
Why would we view you any differently? I have to admit, I was a bit surprised, but right on, man. Congrats on coming out to the rest of us. You're still Jaser/Mouse to me. Hugs!

Molten
"Love is always patient and kind. It is never jealous. Love is never boastful nor conceited. It is never rude or selfish. It does not take offense and is not resentful. Love takes no pleasure in other people's sins, but delights in the truth. It is always ready to excuse, to trust, to hope, and to endure whatever comes." - 1 Corinthians 13:4-7, adaptation in A Walk To Remember

CD4: 555 / 29% / Undetectable - 7 Nov 2006
CD4: 555 / 29% / Undetectable - 5 Feb 2007

Offline carousel

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Re: Difficult subject, but something I thought I should talk about.
« Reply #43 on: September 24, 2007, 09:08:38 AM »
Jaser

I was kind of not surprised.

Count me as one of the chorus who think that it's great that you have been able to share this with us.  Huge respect.

Offline Basquo

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Re: Difficult subject, but something I thought I should talk about.
« Reply #44 on: September 24, 2007, 09:42:23 AM »
Your being born a female means nothing to me. I've always thought you were a smart and sensitive young man and you still are.

Offline GSOgymrat

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Re: Difficult subject, but something I thought I should talk about.
« Reply #45 on: September 24, 2007, 09:57:32 AM »
Congratulations on having the courage to be who you are.

Offline Alain

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Re: Difficult subject, but something I thought I should talk about.
« Reply #46 on: September 24, 2007, 10:00:42 AM »
All of the above.

How big of you "little one". :-*

Offline pozattitude

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Re: Difficult subject, but something I thought I should talk about.
« Reply #47 on: September 24, 2007, 10:50:50 AM »
My dearest Mouse,

I have nothing but admiration and respect for you.  As always, you impress me with your courage and the maturity that most of us still lack.
I think you are AMAZING and if I was 20 yrs younger I'd want to go out on a date with you.

Rich
POSITIVE PEDALERS... We are a group of people living with HIV/AIDS, eliminating stigma through our positive public example.

Offline JPinLA

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Re: Difficult subject, but something I thought I should talk about.
« Reply #48 on: September 24, 2007, 11:00:52 AM »
I just wanted to chime in and say cheers to your strength and honesty.  You seem like a very amazing young man and I for one feel privileged to read your posts. 

JP
 
11/06 - Diagnosed - VL/5784 & CD4 326
2/07 - VL/6000 & CD4 290 2/07
3//07 -Began Truvada/Viramune 
4/07 VL/undetectable and CD4 320 22%
7/07 VL/undetectable and CD4 286 22%
11/07 VL/undetectable and CD4 302 26%

Offline milker

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Re: Difficult subject, but something I thought I should talk about.
« Reply #49 on: September 24, 2007, 11:21:01 AM »
Dear Mouse,

you are way stronger than many of us here, for taking extraordinary steps to become who you are, already. I don't believe that any of the regular members here would have any problem with your life. To me you are the same Mouse you were yesterday, and I find you so powerful and brave for sharing this intimate part of your life with you. I also know understand better why you and Melia reacted on a post I made about transgenders, and I want to assure you that what i'm writing today in this post is what I really think, deep in my heart.

Congrats on coming out,

Milker.
mid-dec: stupid ass
mid-jan: seroconversion
mid-feb: poz
mar 07: cd4 432 (35%) vl 54000
may 07: cd4 399 (28%) vl 27760
jul 07: cd4 403 (26%) vl 99241
oct 07: cd4 353 (24%) vl 29993
jan 08: cd4 332 (26%) vl 33308
mar 08: cd4 392 (23%) vl 75548
jun 08: cd4 325 (27%) vl 45880
oct 08: cd4 197 (20%) vl 154000 <== aids diagnosis
nov 2 08 start Atripla
nov 30 08: cd4 478 (23%) vl 1880 !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
feb 19 09: cd4 398 (24%) vl 430 getting there!
apr 23 09: cd4 604 (29%) vl 50 woohoo :D :D
jul 30 09: cd4 512 (29%) vl undetectable :D :D
may 27 10: cd4 655 (32%) vl undetectable :D :D

Now accepting applications from blowjob ninjas™

Offline Cliff

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Re: Difficult subject, but something I thought I should talk about.
« Reply #50 on: September 24, 2007, 12:08:37 PM »
Of all places this should be the spot where total acceptance is nonnegotiable.  Glad you were able to find some comfort to be able to speak out about this.  Sounds like you've received some good support.  That's always good (and expected...here).

Cliff

Offline David_CA

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Re: Difficult subject, but something I thought I should talk about.
« Reply #51 on: September 24, 2007, 01:09:28 PM »
I think that in order to get the best advice and support, which is what many of us often seek here, we need to know the individual a little better.  You've more than done that; I believe we know you lot better!   :)  I can't imagine how difficult this coming out must be, but you're certainly done it well.  Keeping secrets about ones life is always hard and takes a toll in added stress, anxiety, etc.

It does bother me that Ann and Matty even needed to post what they did.  I think Cliff said it well:
Quote
Of all places this should be the spot where total acceptance is nonnegotiable.

David
Black Friday 03-03-2006
03-23-06 CD4 359 @27.4% VL 75,938
06-01-06 CD4 462 @24.3% VL > 100,000
08-15-06 CD4 388 @22.8% VL >  "
10-21-06 CD4 285 @21.9% VL >  "
  Atripla started 12-01-2006
01-08-07 CD4 429 @26.8% VL 1872!
05-08-07 CD4 478 @28.1% VL 740
08-03-07 CD4 509 @31.8% VL 370
11-06-07 CD4 570 @30.0% VL 140
02-21-08 CD4 648 @32.4% VL 600
05-19-08 CD4 695 @33.1% VL < 48 undetectable!
08-21-08 CD4 725 @34.5%
11-11-08 CD4 672 @39.5%
02-11-09 CD4 773 @36.8%
05-11-09 CD4 615 @36.2%
08-19-09 CD4 770 @38.5%
11-19-09 CD4 944 @33.7%
02-17-10 CD4 678 @39.9%  
06-03-10 CD4 768 @34.9%
09-21-10 CD4 685 @40.3%
01-10-11 CD4 908 @36.3%
05-23-11 CD4 846 @36.8% VL 80
02-13-12 CD4 911 @41.4% VL<20
You must be the change you want to see in the world.  Mahatma Gandhi

Offline Dachshund

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Re: Difficult subject, but something I thought I should talk about.
« Reply #52 on: September 24, 2007, 01:29:53 PM »

It does bother me that Ann and Matty even needed to post what they did. 
David

Sorry that it bothers you and another member David, but it was imperative to protect the kid. It bothers me that you would bother to mention it, since not a bit of this is about you. You have no idea what Jaser has gone through or been subjected to via PM by upstanding (in name only) members of this very forum. It may have played a big role in Jaser being fearful of "coming out" to forum members earlier than he did. I'm sure, no I know, Jaser sincerely appreciates Matty and Ann's concern that he could come out in a safe place and in a safe way. I hope you can understand that.

Offline Ann

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Re: Difficult subject, but something I thought I should talk about.
« Reply #53 on: September 24, 2007, 01:46:48 PM »
Hi David,

What Doxie says is true; the lad has been harassed on occasion via PM and I wanted to let it be known in a very public way that this will not be tolerated. Action will be taken against any forum member who decides to use PMs to give him a hard time - or feel they have the right to ask intrusive questions.

It's not to say that people can't PM Mouse, but people who send inappropriate PMs will be dealt with.

And by the way, that always goes for any member of the forum, not just Mouse. If someone is harassing you in any way via PM, please let us know.

End of public service announcement. ;) ;D

Ann
Condoms are a girl's best friend

Condom and Lube Info  



"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline David_CA

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Re: Difficult subject, but something I thought I should talk about.
« Reply #54 on: September 24, 2007, 01:47:57 PM »
Sorry that it bothers you and another member David, but it was imperative to protect the kid. It bothers me that you would bother to mention it, since not a bit of this is about you. You have no idea what Jaser has gone through or been subjected to via PM by upstanding (in name only) members of this very forum. It may have played a big role in Jaser being fearful of "coming out" to forum members earlier than he did. I'm sure, no I know, Jaser sincerely appreciates Matty and Ann's concern that he could come out in a safe place and in a safe way. I hope you can understand that.

The key word, and I initially highlighted it, is NEED, not that they DID post what they did.  It bothers me that we NEED anti discrimination laws, not that we have them.  I appreciate that they're willing to do what it takes to prevent such hateful PM's.  Like what I quoted from Cliff "Of all places this should be the spot where total acceptance is nonnegotiable."

David
Black Friday 03-03-2006
03-23-06 CD4 359 @27.4% VL 75,938
06-01-06 CD4 462 @24.3% VL > 100,000
08-15-06 CD4 388 @22.8% VL >  "
10-21-06 CD4 285 @21.9% VL >  "
  Atripla started 12-01-2006
01-08-07 CD4 429 @26.8% VL 1872!
05-08-07 CD4 478 @28.1% VL 740
08-03-07 CD4 509 @31.8% VL 370
11-06-07 CD4 570 @30.0% VL 140
02-21-08 CD4 648 @32.4% VL 600
05-19-08 CD4 695 @33.1% VL < 48 undetectable!
08-21-08 CD4 725 @34.5%
11-11-08 CD4 672 @39.5%
02-11-09 CD4 773 @36.8%
05-11-09 CD4 615 @36.2%
08-19-09 CD4 770 @38.5%
11-19-09 CD4 944 @33.7%
02-17-10 CD4 678 @39.9%  
06-03-10 CD4 768 @34.9%
09-21-10 CD4 685 @40.3%
01-10-11 CD4 908 @36.3%
05-23-11 CD4 846 @36.8% VL 80
02-13-12 CD4 911 @41.4% VL<20
You must be the change you want to see in the world.  Mahatma Gandhi

Offline Dachshund

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Re: Difficult subject, but something I thought I should talk about.
« Reply #55 on: September 24, 2007, 01:54:02 PM »
The key word, and I initially highlighted it, is NEED, not that they DID post what they did. 

David

Just being an over protective friend. No harm, no foul, and it is sad that we need to post warnings. Sorry for the misunderstanding.

Offline alberche

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Re: Difficult subject, but something I thought I should talk about.
« Reply #56 on: September 24, 2007, 01:55:49 PM »
Mouse,

You are not a mouse anymore, but a mammouth!!! a really great, enormous, big person!!!

We all in many ways have to rebuild ourselves to reach who we actually are. For most of us the work is emotional, mental, psicological... is an issue of experiencing and learning, to open to oneself.

For some other people, as in your situation, this goes much beyond, and the work consists also in rebuilding all, even the body, and that has to be one of the most amazing and hard experiences a human being can pass through.

So, be proud, we are proud of you!!!

love is blindness...  a wonderful song!

Offline Ann

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Re: Difficult subject, but something I thought I should talk about.
« Reply #57 on: September 24, 2007, 01:58:07 PM »
Thanks for the clarification, David. At least it gave me a chance to clarify my warning in my first post. ;)

And I agree, by the way. It's a shame that there are some in this world for whom these kinds of things have to be written.

Ann
xxx
Condoms are a girl's best friend

Condom and Lube Info  



"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Dan J.

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Re: Difficult subject, but something I thought I should talk about.
« Reply #58 on: September 24, 2007, 02:41:47 PM »
You are still the same Jaser to me that you have always been. & I respect you even more for sharing this with all of us.

Dan

« Last Edit: September 25, 2007, 09:48:10 AM by Dan J. »

Offline Cerrid

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Re: Difficult subject, but something I thought I should talk about.
« Reply #59 on: September 24, 2007, 03:06:35 PM »
Kudos for sharing, little big mouse! You make us very proud! All the best!  :-*
"Boredom is always counterrevolutionary. Always." (Guy Debord)

Offline manchesteruk

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Re: Difficult subject, but something I thought I should talk about.
« Reply #60 on: September 24, 2007, 03:57:49 PM »
Everything has already been said really but I just wanted to say you are extremely impressive Jaser and I'm pleased that you felt comfortable enough to come on and tell us all this.  You'd won't find a more accepting and supportive bunch of people that's for sure.

Chris
Diagnosed 11/05

"Life is too important to be taken seriously" Oscar Wilde

Offline Florida69

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Re: Difficult subject, but something I thought I should talk about.
« Reply #61 on: September 24, 2007, 04:14:25 PM »
What a great story, thanks for sharing.. D
Nothing in the world can take the place of Persistence. Talent will not; nothing is more common than unsuccessful men with talent. Genius will not; unrewarded genius is almost a proverb. Education will not; the world is full of educated derelicts. Persistence and determination alone are omnipotent. The slogan 'Press On' has solved and always will solve the problems of the human race.
Calvin Coolidge

Offline penguin

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Re: Difficult subject, but something I thought I should talk about.
« Reply #62 on: September 24, 2007, 05:10:56 PM »
words kinda lost me today Jaser, but i wanted to say two things

1) I am proud of you, very proud

2) Thank You

k x

Offline Life

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Re: Difficult subject, but something I thought I should talk about.
« Reply #63 on: September 24, 2007, 05:17:22 PM »
Jaser, this has changed nothing in my mind..   I know that was a difficult post...

Eric

Offline Lis

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Re: Difficult subject, but something I thought I should talk about.
« Reply #64 on: September 24, 2007, 06:16:40 PM »
Dear small one,

you are a beautiful human, I feel nothing but love and support for you..  thank you for trusting your feelings!!

If you need ANYTHING please let me know....

lisbeth..(the one that cant type)
poz 1986....

Offline Denver Toad

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Re: Difficult subject, but something I thought I should talk about.
« Reply #65 on: September 24, 2007, 06:50:56 PM »
Jaser,

Well done. Words fail me, the beauty of your words left me in awe. I'll let Bill say it for me.

To thine own self be true, and it must follow, as the night the day, thou canst not then be false to any man.
Life is short, Break the rules, Forgive quickly,
Kiss slowly, Love truly, Laugh uncontrollably, And never regret anything that made you smile.

Offline RobT

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Re: Difficult subject, but something I thought I should talk about.
« Reply #66 on: September 24, 2007, 07:26:34 PM »
Jaser-
Thanx for sharing this personal side of u. I bet it took a lot of courage, more than I wud wud have if I was in the same position. In my sociology class, we barely glaced over the chapter in our book regarding transgendered individuals. We did have a guest speaker though, who told us that it does take a lot of courage to go thru that.
Ever since I started reading ur posts, I never knew how young u were. U seem more mature than ur yrs. and writing this is even more inspiring. Keep up the excellent work and I hope to see u in person, someday @ am AMG.

Rob


Current meds: Atripla
VL: undetectable
CD4: 630

Offline Lis

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Re: Difficult subject, but something I thought I should talk about.
« Reply #67 on: September 24, 2007, 07:36:06 PM »
Hey ! I'm Lisses daughter !
My names Tessa ... and I thought it was cool that
I look alot like you ! lol

I'm only 12 but that doesn't really matter ...
Your really smart I see ... thats awesome .

Thats cool that you have the curage to say that your transgendered and HIV positive .

Heres a pic of me to show you how much I look like you ! Its kinda scary how much we look alike !

http://photos1.hi5.com/0007/937/036/injGvK937036-02.jpg

 ;D
poz 1986....

Offline Mouse

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Re: Difficult subject, but something I thought I should talk about.
« Reply #68 on: September 24, 2007, 08:31:56 PM »
Wow, thanks you guys. I don't really know what to say. This is pretty much the first experience I've had telling people and not had really one negative thing from anybody. I feel so much more comfortable knowing that I can discuss every aspect of my life and health with you guys and not have to hide anything, anymore. It's so relieving. I'm glad everyone here is intelligent and open-minded enough to be able to understand and accept all of this (especially so suddenly, lol).

I was frightened because I have so much experience in telling people who should, for many reasons, but much more accepting than most people - especially when telling non-transgendered gay friends, who you would expect would be totally accepting of a trans person given the harrassment we all go through, but sometimes they're the ones that are the worst and most offensive and unaccepting. I don't understand how someone who undergoes so much discrimination can discriminate equally against another group, but it's so common.

I was hoping that, because this is a group of HIV+ people, who face a lot of difficulties regarding not being accepted, being feared and intolerance, that you would all be cool with this - but because of past experiences I was nervous. It really gives me a lot more faith in knowing that there ARE people out there, entire GROUPS of people, that are willing to try to understand and accept any sort of person.

It's difficult for me sometimes, because there are so many instances in which people openly say horrible things about trans people, and being that I'm almost completely stealth in my everyday life, I can't speak out and defend myself and my friends without outing myself. I've experienced similar things having to listen to friends of mine spout nonsense about HIV and feeling like I couldn't go in and correct them because they would find out.

I guess what I'm trying to say is, I hope that you guy can gain something out of this also, because it means a lot to me that trans people are accepted as the gender they truly are, and aren't discriminated against in a way that I'm sure you're all familiar with through your own experiences. I hope that by being open as trans on this forum can not only serve me, but perhaps help any other trans person you might encounter in your life, as maybe now you'll have the experience to know more about what we go through and how it's appropriate to treat us (which is, most people would be surprised to know, just like any other man or woman).


Offline Lis

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Re: Difficult subject, but something I thought I should talk about.
« Reply #69 on: September 24, 2007, 09:12:54 PM »
There was a member named Gina ..she was here a couple years before you... she went through hell and back!!! spent her whole life (teenage years) as a boy.. Gina was NOT a boy!!!  God I miss and worry about her!!!!

BE WHO YOU ARE!!!!

me, the jewish mother.....
poz 1986....

Offline anniebc

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Re: Difficult subject, but something I thought I should talk about.
« Reply #70 on: September 24, 2007, 09:37:44 PM »
I'm so very proud of you sweetheart...you are and always will be a very special, loved and respected member of our family..and if anyone dares to hurt you in any way either via PM's or in the public forum I will, along with Ann, Matty and Aunty Doxie, rip them a new one.

Judging from the replies you will have all the support you need here from the ones who know and love you.

hugs and love always
Jan :-*
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
Never knock on deaths door..ring the bell and run..he really hates that.

Offline Longislander

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Re: Difficult subject, but something I thought I should talk about.
« Reply #71 on: September 24, 2007, 09:43:54 PM »
I've always thought of you as a very intelligent ( and adorable ) young man, and will continue to do so.
I'm glad you're comfortable to share this with us.  You've got what it takes to succeed in anything you choose to do, and if being a schoolteacher is what you go for, I know you'll be the best one there is. I wish you all the best.

Paul
infected 10/05 diagnosed 12-05
2/06   379/57000                    6/07 372/30500 25%   4/09 640/U/32% 
5/06   ?? /37000                     8/07 491/55000/24%    9/09 913/U/39%
8/06   349/9500 25%              11/07 515/68000/24     2/10 845/U/38%
9/06   507/16,000 30% !          2/08  516/116k/22%    7/10 906/80/39%
12/06 398/29000 26%             Start Atripla 3/08
3/07   402/80,000 29%            4/08  485/undet!/27
4/07   507/35,000 25%            7/08 625/UD/34%
                                                 11/08 684/U/36%

Offline aztecan

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  • 29 years positive, 57 years a pain in the butt
Re: Difficult subject, but something I thought I should talk about.
« Reply #72 on: September 24, 2007, 10:00:38 PM »
Hmmm,

Well Jaser, I always knew you were a remarkable person. You show more courage daily than I can imagine and have the determination to live your life on your own terms.

It took me many more years to get to that point than you have even been on the planet.

Be all you want to be dear. Be yourself, and for heaven't sake, be proud of who you are.

I am proud of you.

HUGS,

Mark
"May your life preach more loudly than your lips."
~ William Ellery Channing (Unitarian Minister)

Offline Teresa

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Re: Difficult subject, but something I thought I should talk about.
« Reply #73 on: September 24, 2007, 10:56:11 PM »
You are an AMAZING person!

Much Love
Teresa
Hubby HIV+ 5/5/06
CD4:320
  %: 26.7
 VL: <20
Atripla (started it 8/24/06)
 

Offline otherplaces

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  • Mutant Super Hero
Re: Difficult subject, but something I thought I should talk about.
« Reply #74 on: September 24, 2007, 11:10:29 PM »

Go Mouse!  That's awesome.   ;D

Offline Falkore

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Re: Difficult subject, but something I thought I should talk about.
« Reply #75 on: September 25, 2007, 01:10:34 AM »
Mouse,

I have been lucky enough to count among my friends two people who were born in the wrong body.  The first was a M-F and the second was a F-M. I have never truly understood what it is like to be living in the wrong body and I doubt I will ever truly understand what it must be like.  However, I never need to fully understand it, I just accept that person as they truly are, not what nature hung on the outside.  It did not take long, but I soon became accustomed to using the proper pronouns regardless of the outfit my friends would wear.

The thing that always surprises me is the way other people treated my friends.  The stares and looks were so rude... granted this was when I was living in a small conservative town... but still. I will always be a supporter of the rights of all of natures diverse people.
"Ain't no shame in my flame"
Date:          CD4:     VL:
10/02/05     568       2,070
11/18/05     541       2,970
02/17/06     442       4,720
04/17/06     510       1,100
07/12/06     391       3,050
Start Atripla
09/22/06     595       Undet.
01/18/07     562       Undet.
05/25/07     540       Undet.
09/26/07     531       Undet.

Offline Mouse

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  • Om nom nom.
Re: Difficult subject, but something I thought I should talk about.
« Reply #76 on: September 25, 2007, 02:25:12 AM »
Luckily, I don't really have an issue with people seeing me as male. Especially since starting testosterone, my voice is deeper.

Being pegged as gay, however - totally different story. Sometimes I think they can smell the gay on me. Or something.  :D

Offline Jeffreyj

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Re: Difficult subject, but something I thought I should talk about.
« Reply #77 on: September 25, 2007, 06:09:51 AM »
I always thought you were awesome.

Now I think you are more awesome.

xoxo
Jeff
Positive since 1985

Offline DanielMark

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Re: Difficult subject, but something I thought I should talk about.
« Reply #78 on: September 25, 2007, 06:30:17 AM »
Jaser,

I'm glad to know that opening up here has helped unburden you from keeping this secret, for lack of a better word. You said:

... maybe now you'll have the experience to know more about what we go through and how it's appropriate to treat us (which is, most people would be surprised to know, just like any other man or woman).

I often think the same when it comes to being Gay. That people expect me to live as they imagine Gay people live, or at least ones they may have known or heard about. My mother still refers to it as my “lifestyle.” It's ridiculous. Everybody’s different, and we are all human beings first! Anyone who cannot wrap their minds around differences or variations in gender (or sexuality) has still got some work to do.

Daniel
MEDS: REYATAZ & KIVEXA (SINCE AUG 2008)

MAY 2000 LAB RESULTS: CD4 678
VL STILL UNDETECTABLE

DIAGNOSED IN 1988

Offline RapidRod

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Re: Difficult subject, but something I thought I should talk about.
« Reply #79 on: September 25, 2007, 07:06:17 AM »
Mouse, it doesn't matter. You are you and that's why we like you.

Offline Mouse

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  • Om nom nom.
Re: Difficult subject, but something I thought I should talk about.
« Reply #80 on: September 25, 2007, 07:41:31 AM »
Everybody’s different, and we are all human beings first! Anyone who cannot wrap their minds around differences or variations in gender (or sexuality) has still got some work to do.

The sad thing is, it would seem as though the vast majority of people have got quite a bit of work ahead of them, if that's the case.

Offline Moffie65

  • Member
  • Posts: 1,755
  • Living POZ since 1983
Re: Difficult subject, but something I thought I should talk about.
« Reply #81 on: September 25, 2007, 10:10:50 AM »
Hi Jaser,

Wow!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I can remember the day you first posted, and I and others asked you to use full text instead of using abbreviations because of the international nature of this website.  You responded with the class and talent you have for writing with some of the most enlightened posts of many of us here, and have since that time been one of the best writers here on the forums. 

I also remember having my fingers slapped when you queried about how some of us deal with sex, while having HIV, to which I responded with a list of safe and fun alternative possibilities that one can do in their sexual activities while living HIV+.  Your response was total surprise at some of the things I suggested, and that was closely followed by a rebuke from the moderators because you were 14 at the time.  Hell, I didn’t even register that you were so young at that time, but I still held on and tried to keep communication with you.  Unfortunately I (my fingers, heart, and mouth) are so open and unguarded that I stopped communicating so that I wouldn’t make a mistake and possibly get timed out or offend you in any way.

This medium is so very frustrating as I wanted to jump through the phone wire and come and give you a big hug and words of encouragement.  Fortunately you found Matty, and formed a wonderful relationship with him and have for the past two years or so, been on the top of his list of people he really cares about. 

Jaser, over the last two years you have shown a maturity, and yet still a childishness that is so very pure and honest that you couldn’t help but place this open and informative thread here for us to share.  I trust you will gain from this the power and love that all of the respondents of this thread have shown.  Truly, when you take away all the bullshit, in the way you have shown us here, it makes each one of us reflect on our own lives and the many difficulties that some of us have dealt with throughout our lives, and reminds us that it is ONLY our inner selves which are important.  I guess that the internet is one of the best ways to discuss this issue because it takes away all the obvious and physical interference that occurs when speaking face to face. 

I trust that you will continue to grow and prosper, and that you will be able to find peace in the way that you are creating your life at this point.  However, as you well know, you are going to have many more hurdles in your future, and I hope and pray that you will trust us enough to seek out support and solace from this very loving and open group of people.  AND if you have any more questions about algebra, please feel free to post them here and I will see what I can do to help out.  I loved algebra, once I figured out it had nothing to do with math and everything to do with logic. 

Jaser, you are one of my heroes here on the forums and now I understand why, and why you seemingly have the strength of Charlie Atlas and I am so very proud to call you a friend.  Keep on being strong, sensitive, intelligent, and the genuine man that you are and you will go far and be a total success in life.

Today you have truly touched my heart and now I know for sure that you are all the man I ever thought you were.

Love,
Your friend Tim. :-* :-* :-* :-* :-* :-* :-* :-* :-* :-* :-* :-* :-* :-*
The Bible contains 6 admonishments to homosexuals,
and 362 to heterosexuals.
This doesn't mean that God doesn't love heterosexuals,
It's just that they need more supervision.
Lynn Lavne

Offline Mouse

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  • Om nom nom.
Re: Difficult subject, but something I thought I should talk about.
« Reply #82 on: September 25, 2007, 10:39:42 AM »
Tim, I don't even know what to say.


I really don't.


Except that I love you and that that meant a lot to me (as well as everything else everyone has said, but what you said especially touched something with me). I am seriously so goddamn lucky.

Dan J.

  • Guest

Offline LatinAlexander

  • Member
  • Posts: 599
  • Bogota, Colombia
Re: Difficult subject, but something I thought I should talk about.
« Reply #84 on: September 25, 2007, 03:12:56 PM »
It is not fair... Now, Jaser has the female sense of style, mixed with the gaydar...  ;D

As long as you are a fag, and enjoy watching a nice hard-toned-six-pack-abs.. Well then, you are just you  ;)

:D

Alex



Poz since Jul 19 2006
Initial numbers : CD4-250 VL 3500
First labs after HAART (Dec 04-2006) : CD4-432 VL-<40 (Undetectable)  cd4%=25.11%
Started HAART: Combivir+Efavirenz Aug 26 7:38 pm
Feb 08 2007 - Gradually stopping HAART cause of Myalgia. Protecting Efavirenz. Stopped Efavirenz, ahead with Combivir....
February 17 Combivir stopped.
April 3 -07 : Started ddi+3tc+efavirenz...
Gay and positive (What a lack of Identity...:) )
Looking for my Ben....

Offline sweetasmeli

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  • Love what you are...
Re: Difficult subject, but something I thought I should talk about.
« Reply #85 on: September 26, 2007, 09:04:31 AM »
Still kinda jetlagged and blurry but not too much to say:

So so proud of you, little guy! You never cease to astound me. :-*

Much love
Debra xxx
/\___/\       /\__/\
(=' . '=)    (=' . '=)
(,,,_ ,,,)/   (,,,_ ,,,)/ Cats rule!

The difference between cats and dogs is that dogs come when called, whereas cats take a message and get back to you.

Yeia kai hara (health and happiness) to everyone!

Offline MSPspud

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Re: Difficult subject, but something I thought I should talk about.
« Reply #86 on: September 26, 2007, 06:15:05 PM »
I'm a little late to the party, but just wanted to say I've always thought you were pretty cool (and remain so).  Being open and honest will get you much further in life then fear.  I'm happy you've taken the right steps in building a fulfilling life!
« Last Edit: September 26, 2007, 06:16:49 PM by MSPspud »

Offline cjc

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  • Sweet Girl
Re: Difficult subject, but something I thought I should talk about.
« Reply #87 on: October 01, 2007, 08:57:53 PM »
Jaser, sorry I am late posting to this important topic. I have always thought that you were an extrordinary young man and this just reinforces that for me. Hope everything works out for the best. Cristy

Offline Jody

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Re: Difficult subject, but something I thought I should talk about.
« Reply #88 on: October 01, 2007, 09:12:47 PM »
I'm sorry I missed this post my favorite laser phaser - dearest Jaser !!!

I love you just the way you ARE !!!  :)

Jody (the boy with a girl's name) - and who had to grow up in the Bronx with it !!!  ;)  :D  ;D  :)
"Wake up to find out that you are the eyes of the world".
 "Try to discover that you are the song that the morning brings."

Grateful Dead

Offline sacinsc

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Re: Difficult subject, but something I thought I should talk about.
« Reply #89 on: October 03, 2007, 09:56:42 PM »
Hey Mouse,

One more thing from the teacher....look at GLSEN website. I get a lot of supplies from them and information. I even got stickers for my door that said
"Safe Space" with a rainbow upside down triangle on it so kids knew they could come talk to me if they needed to :) Your going to alright I can feel that from all the good hearted replies!

Matt
March 07 - Negative
May 07 - Exposed
June 07 - Seroconversion
September 07 - CD4 402 VL 118000 25%
October 07 -     CD4 294 VL 124000 22%
November 07 - Norvir, Triuvada and Reyataz
December 07 -  CD4 355 VL  550 .... guess the meds are working.
January 08 - CD4 446 VL <48 undetectable!
April 08 - CD4 554 VL <48 undetectable!
July 08 - CD4 666 VL <48 undetectable! Hporay...I have devil CD4's

Offline Ann

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  • It just is, OK?
    • Num is sum qui mentiar tibi?
Re: Difficult subject, but something I thought I should talk about.
« Reply #90 on: October 04, 2007, 05:10:14 AM »
Hey Mouse,

One more thing from the teacher....look at GLSEN website. I get a lot of supplies from them and information. I even got stickers for my door that said
"Safe Space" with a rainbow upside down triangle on it so kids knew they could come talk to me if they needed to :) Your going to alright I can feel that from all the good hearted replies!

Matt

Hi Matt,

I had a look at the website you suggested to Jaser (of course I did! ;) ) and it looks fantastic, so I'm providing a link. I know we've got a few teachers around the place here so I'm hoping they'll see it and they and their students might also benefit from the services they offer.

http://www.glsen.org/cgi-bin/iowa/all/home/index.html

Ann
Condoms are a girl's best friend

Condom and Lube Info  



"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline buca45

  • Member
  • Posts: 187
Re: Difficult subject, but something I thought I should talk about.
« Reply #91 on: October 04, 2007, 04:09:03 PM »
Hello Mouse, I just wanted to share a few thoughts to allow us to move past the differences we have had in the past.
I believe we started off on the wrong foot when I made a posting (I believe my first) of my thoughts on a topic and those thoughts were misunderstood not only by you, but by your friends here as well.
Since that time, I have not felt comfortable in posting any comments or  feelings here for fear of, as you put it, "pissing someone off".
I need you and others who supported you then, to know that there were no feelings of animosity or hatred, but rather of me expressing my true thoughts which were based on my life experiences as they pertained to the subject we were discussing.
It is true now, as it was then, that I felt no bad feelings for you or others.....ever regardless of thoughts and beliefs.
It is my hope at this time, that we let the past stay in the past and to start to communicate with each other with respect and gratitude.
For you to make your feelings known about who you are in such an eloquent way is commendable and you are to be looked up to always for being who you are and standing firm with your head held high.
In my native tribe, (Sioux Indian) when others like you were placed on this earth, they were done so for others to see and gain knowledge for not only what they spoke, but for their mere existence in this life.
They were revered and were looked up to as spiritual leaders who held the key to secrets and mysteries that we were forced to deal with daily.
In reading how others view you and admire you, that same deep feeling of respect and admiration is present around you now. Use it for not only you own peace and survival, but share that knowledge inside you with others to help them along this path we call life.
The fact that you are planning on teaching is not your choice, but one that has been placed inside your being for a reason. Take that gift and use it and use it well.
I will join other forum members in congratulating and thanking you for allowing us, in small often unspoken ways, to realize that we are valuable and that we are strong...strong enough not to let anything get in the way of being who and what we are meant to be.
Stay strong and always know that you are special....not by what you say or do, but by being who you are.

PEACE........................
"Love and Laughter and Happiness Ever After"

 


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