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Author Topic: what would your lover do if you were in the hosptial  (Read 2005 times)

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Offline camille07

  • Member
  • Posts: 570
what would your lover do if you were in the hosptial
« on: September 22, 2007, 02:08:08 AM »
My partner is negative. But he tells me even on his death bed I would be the last thing he ever saw....(I could imagine what's going through your minds.  He says he hates being sick but and never wants me to see him sick...He's not hiding anything, but how do I deal with this if it should come up in the future.....btw he's willing to go to my doctor visits.

Offline J.R.E.

  • Member
  • Posts: 6,969
  • Joined Dec-2003 Living positive, since 1985.
Re: what would your lover do if you were in the hosptial
« Reply #1 on: September 22, 2007, 06:05:44 AM »
Hello Cammillle,

I am not quite sure I understand your question, or at least how you have worded it. I can only tell you, I've been with my partner for 27 years. 22 plus, of those years, with me being HIV positive. He is negative.

He would be there for me, if I was in the hospital, and I would be there for him if the situation was reversed, That how relationships work, to be there for each other, through the best and the worst of times. Neither one of us, would like to see each other take a bad health turn, but the fact of the matter is,  I am not going to live forever, and either will he. We do talk about things, and he understands my wishes, and I understand his. This is probably not answering your question, so maybe I will add more later.



The best----Ray
Current Meds ; Viramune, Epzicom, 40mg of simvastatin, 12.5mg of Hydrochlorothiazide.
Metoprolol tartrate 25mg



http://forums.poz.com/index.php?topic=40802.0

http://forums.poz.com/index.php?topic=45159.0

http://forums.poz.com/index.php?topic=39722.msg495621;topicseen#msg495621

http://forums.poz.com/index.php?topic=46806.0

http://forums.poz.com/index.php?topic=39414.msg491701#msg491701


 In October of 2003, My t-cell count was 16, Viral load was over 500,000, Percentage at that time was 5%. I started my first  HAART regimen  on October 24th,03.

 As of April 14, 2014,  t-cells are at 485 Viral load unknown @ this time

 Current % is at 14% (L)

  
 62 years young.

Offline Queen Tokelove

  • Member
  • Posts: 6,033
  • Smokey the Smurf
Re: what would your lover do if you were in the hosptial
« Reply #2 on: September 22, 2007, 01:49:10 PM »
I guess those of us who are single would be S.O.L. :-[
Started Atripla/Ziagen on 9/13/07.
10/31/07 CD4-265 VL- undetectable
2/6/08 CD4- 401 VL- undetectable
5/7/08 CD4- 705 VL- undetectable
6/4/08 CD4- 775 VL- undetectable
8/6/08 CD4- 805 VL- undetectable
11/13/08 CD4- 774 VL--undetectable
2/4/09  CD4- 484  VL- 18,000 (2 months off meds)
3/3/09---Starting Back on Meds---
4/27/09 CD4- 664 VL-- undetectable
6/17/09 CD4- 438 VL- 439
8/09 CD4- 404 VL- 1,600
01-22-10-- CD4- 525 VL- 59,000
Cherish the simple things life has to offer

The Royal Blog

Offline Dachshund

  • Member
  • Posts: 5,922
Re: what would your lover do if you were in the hosptial
« Reply #3 on: September 22, 2007, 02:51:23 PM »
I know my ex would have said pull the plug NOW! ;D

Offline Kellyk

  • Member
  • Posts: 49
Re: what would your lover do if you were in the hosptial
« Reply #4 on: September 22, 2007, 03:02:01 PM »
Put that to the test last year when I was in the hospital for PCP - he was there-the first day till 5am then  went to work.   Was incredibly supportive thorough it all - even we got word of the diagnosis.

Offline Paulette

  • Member
  • Posts: 112
Re: what would your lover do if you were in the hosptial
« Reply #5 on: September 22, 2007, 04:01:34 PM »
Well I've been in the hospital  for five times lasting from 5 to 9 days and the nurse had to make my husband go home and rest, so i know without a shadow of a doubt that he would be there for me, the problem for me is that i don't want my love ones to see me in the final stage. is that being selfish? I just want them to remember me for who i am and not how i died.
Paulette
I have HIV; it doesn't me;)

Offline Queen Tokelove

  • Member
  • Posts: 6,033
  • Smokey the Smurf
Re: what would your lover do if you were in the hosptial
« Reply #6 on: September 22, 2007, 05:28:18 PM »
I know my ex would have said pull the plug NOW! ;D

My ex is totally clueless. They prolly would've sent him home because they would notice the change in my stress levels and say he is killing me faster...... ;D
Started Atripla/Ziagen on 9/13/07.
10/31/07 CD4-265 VL- undetectable
2/6/08 CD4- 401 VL- undetectable
5/7/08 CD4- 705 VL- undetectable
6/4/08 CD4- 775 VL- undetectable
8/6/08 CD4- 805 VL- undetectable
11/13/08 CD4- 774 VL--undetectable
2/4/09  CD4- 484  VL- 18,000 (2 months off meds)
3/3/09---Starting Back on Meds---
4/27/09 CD4- 664 VL-- undetectable
6/17/09 CD4- 438 VL- 439
8/09 CD4- 404 VL- 1,600
01-22-10-- CD4- 525 VL- 59,000
Cherish the simple things life has to offer

The Royal Blog

Offline sdcabincrew74

  • Member
  • Posts: 540
    • My Manhunt account
Re: what would your lover do if you were in the hosptial
« Reply #7 on: September 22, 2007, 08:01:38 PM »
My partner sat by my side for 18 days while I was in the hospital with PCP and MAC.  He showered there, the nurses starting bringing him meals with my meal and he slept there.  That was my first time with PCP.  The second time he was only there after work until about 11PM since he used all his paid FMLA and sick days the first time.  The nurses brought him dinner every night then too :-)

Could I do the same for him, I do not know?  I hope I can be that way too.
The difference between an overnight and a layover is luck!

Offline Oceanbeach

  • Member
  • Posts: 3,565
Re: what would your lover do if you were in the hosptial
« Reply #8 on: September 22, 2007, 10:16:21 PM »
I guess those of us who are single would be S.O.L. :-[

I think we are... I do remember being in the hospital with PCP and was there for months.  One day a Social Worker came to my isolation room with a question... She said they had noticed I never had any visitors and was wondering if there was anyone they could call?  Well, there was my BF, named Randy, I gave her his number because after all he was the person I listed at the contact person in my intake files.

They called, his response... "What do you want me to do about it?"  Have the best day
Michael

Offline leatherman

  • Member
  • Posts: 5,925
  • Google and HIV meds are Your Friends
Re: what would your lover do if you were in the hosptial
« Reply #9 on: September 23, 2007, 12:50:07 AM »
They called, his response... "What do you want me to do about it
Before I say anything about myself, let me say that my heart just breaks for you.  :'( I think that's nearly the saddest thing that I've ever heard. If my wishes can ever help, I sure do wish you  :-*  the best health, so that never happens to you again.

-----
I've been in two similar situations and this scenario is one of my biggest fears. It's not that I doubt that my partner will be there for me; it's that I'll feel so terrible that he WILL be there. That fear is what makes me finally stay compliant with a med regimen, regardless of how crappy the side effects are.

The first time in this situation, I was the partner:
I nearly ran myself to death while my late partner was in the hospital for nine days. Crying all day long, as I drove around town as a courier, hiding red-streaked eyes behind my sunglasses, scared of what all this meant. Spending hours by his side late every night; finally, back home, crawling into my bed exhausted. Getting up early to visit before going to back to work, and starting the day all over again. Stopping my AZT because the side-effects was just too much too handle. Then on his release from the hospital, having to swear that I would never take him back there again, that he'd rather die at home with me and our dogs. A promise which I sadly kept just a few months later.

Then it was me in the hospital, without a partner:
Just 3 yrs after Randy passed away, I found myself in the hospital for 4 days with PCP. I had always felt that I would only survive him by a few years anyway. The last night I stayed there, being ignored by the staff, deadly sick, I saw my reflection in the dark window pane in the middle of the night. I was never so glad to be alone, and to have my family living 600 miles away. Why? I couldn't have beared seeing their faces seeing me in that condition. The next morning I checked out AMA, and went back to "our" home. But, lo and behold, instead of dying, I recovered and it's been 10 yrs since that horrible night.

And now I worry about me as the patient, with a partner:
Through these last ten years, my best friend and companion has always thought we should be together; but I held him at arm's length for a long time. Knowing what I know, of how horrible it is to love someone who's sick and dying, how could I ever inflict that on anyone else? Oh, and as he's HIV neg and I've had to struggle against the HIV, I imagine that someday it will be him in the role that I once had, standing by the hospital bed. But as my health has improved through the years, along with the meds, I found it easier to push my fears back and look ahead. Thankfully, that vision of him, worried and grief-stricken in a hospital, is now only the occasional nightmare.

With a partner or without a partner, I think we could all agree that being sick in a hospital is a horrible, stressful situation.

May all of us stay healthy and out of the hospital,

mikie
(who thinks barfing from the meds really sucks; but knows that being in the hospital dying would suck a lot more)
leatherman (aka mIkIE)


chart from 1992-2013; updated 2/09/13  Reyataz/Norvir/Truvada

Oh my friends, my friends forgive me
That I live and you are gone.
There's a grief that can't be spoken.
There's a pain goes on and on.
Empty chairs at empty tables
Where my friends will meet no more.

"Empty Chairs at Empty Tables" from Les Miserables

Offline David_CA

  • Member
  • Posts: 3,232
  • Joined: March 2006
Re: what would your lover do if you were in the hosptial
« Reply #10 on: September 23, 2007, 01:10:36 AM »
Put that to the test last year when I was in the hospital for PCP ...

I had the same experience last year, too.  Between my husband, our friend Bonnie (who many met in S.F.), one of our neighbors, my mom, my ex-wife, assorted friends and co-workers, I was seldom alone.  I was in the hospital for 8 days (with PCP) and of that never had a day without at least a few visitors.  We even had wine, cheese, and crackers a couple of times, thanks to my neighbor.  The rest of the time, when I was alone, I slept or watched tv and drifted in and out of sleep.  I can't imagine these same people not being there for me if I got sick like that again.  Likewise, we'd all be there for my hubby, if he were the sick one.

David
Black Friday 03-03-2006
03-23-06 CD4 359 @27.4% VL 75,938
06-01-06 CD4 462 @24.3% VL > 100,000
08-15-06 CD4 388 @22.8% VL >  "
10-21-06 CD4 285 @21.9% VL >  "
  Atripla started 12-01-2006
01-08-07 CD4 429 @26.8% VL 1872!
05-08-07 CD4 478 @28.1% VL 740
08-03-07 CD4 509 @31.8% VL 370
11-06-07 CD4 570 @30.0% VL 140
02-21-08 CD4 648 @32.4% VL 600
05-19-08 CD4 695 @33.1% VL < 48 undetectable!
08-21-08 CD4 725 @34.5%
11-11-08 CD4 672 @39.5%
02-11-09 CD4 773 @36.8%
05-11-09 CD4 615 @36.2%
08-19-09 CD4 770 @38.5%
11-19-09 CD4 944 @33.7%
02-17-10 CD4 678 @39.9%  
06-03-10 CD4 768 @34.9%
09-21-10 CD4 685 @40.3%
01-10-11 CD4 908 @36.3%
05-23-11 CD4 846 @36.8% VL 80
02-13-12 CD4 911 @41.4% VL<20
You must be the change you want to see in the world.  Mahatma Gandhi

Offline Peter6836

  • Member
  • Posts: 391
  • Me and my Granddaughter Noa
Re: what would your lover do if you were in the hosptial
« Reply #11 on: September 23, 2007, 08:43:42 AM »
I have a dear friend who does not work who has become totally relieant on me. But is always there form me. I have been hospitalized the last 3 years in a row for over a week each time and was off of work for over a month each time. He was there each time, waited on me and cared for me at home. He has now moved in with me and I have taken on the responsibility of his needs. It is worth it to me to not be SOL when the time comes. I feel it is karmic I take care of him when I can feed him and put a roof over his head. When the time comes and I need help he is there for me. We have no romantic relationship I would like one some day with someone not him but until then we take care of each other. In the hospital they had to kick him out at the end of the day at times he would sleep in the chair, he is a good person. I am blessed.

Offline Oceanbeach

  • Member
  • Posts: 3,565
Re: what would your lover do if you were in the hosptial
« Reply #12 on: September 23, 2007, 06:46:56 PM »
Before I say anything about myself, let me say that my heart just breaks for you.  :'( I think that's nearly the saddest thing that I've ever heard.

Dear Mikie,

Please don't be sad... Randy was an alcoholic and an actor. He lost a role on Dukes of Hazzard because he thought the script was the worst thing he ever read and said so at the audition.  He was never sent to another audition again.  When I met him, he worked at Macy's in men's watches.  When I first went to his house, there were 7 watches on the dresser, one for every day of the week.  It took me a year to realize, I was only in love with a bunch of watches  ;D Have the best day
Michael 

Offline leatherman

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  • Posts: 5,925
  • Google and HIV meds are Your Friends
Re: what would your lover do if you were in the hosptial
« Reply #13 on: September 23, 2007, 06:55:41 PM »
. . .He lost a role on Dukes of Hazzard because he thought the script was the worst thing he ever read . . .  It took me a year to realize, I was only in love with a bunch of watches

Ok. I feel better now  ;)
Coming from NC, I have to say he was right about the script though. What a horrible portrayal of Southerners. ;D If it was the 80s and those were Swatches, then I can totally understand. ;)

it still sucks to be in the hospital though, with or without a partner.

leatherman (aka mIkIE)


chart from 1992-2013; updated 2/09/13  Reyataz/Norvir/Truvada

Oh my friends, my friends forgive me
That I live and you are gone.
There's a grief that can't be spoken.
There's a pain goes on and on.
Empty chairs at empty tables
Where my friends will meet no more.

"Empty Chairs at Empty Tables" from Les Miserables

Offline Oceanbeach

  • Member
  • Posts: 3,565
Re: what would your lover do if you were in the hosptial
« Reply #14 on: September 23, 2007, 07:26:23 PM »
;D If it was the 80s and those were Swatches, then I can totally understand. ;)

it still sucks to be in the hospital though, with or without a partner.



It was the 90's and there was a Movado... I did trade a Swatch on a beach in Mazatlan for one of those wool blankets when the vendors swooped in with their wares.  Have the best day
Michael

Offline Javicho

  • Member
  • Posts: 268
Re: what would your lover do if you were in the hosptial
« Reply #15 on: September 26, 2007, 03:24:47 PM »
Well in my case I really don't know the answer, we been together with my BF for 7 years and I been Poz 6 till today I don't recall a day that he ask me if I'm ok or how are my numbers, I don't even think he knows what medicine I'm on. I remember 4 years a go I was a the hospital due to kidney stones and he came to my hose to visit me for 30 minutes after 3 days that i was release from the hospital, he said he loves me and we have a good life together but I'm not sure what will happen if I'm in the hospital sorry I just don't know ???

J

Dan J.

  • Guest
Re: what would your lover do if you were in the hosptial
« Reply #16 on: September 26, 2007, 03:47:13 PM »
Depending on how serious the reason for me being hospitalized, he would probably be on the first flight to Memphis.

 


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