Meds, Mind, Body & Benefits > Mental Health & HIV

Mood changes

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For a while now I have been pretty moody. I take Lexapro and seems to help for a while then again I can get depressed again. Seems I go from despondent to ok to despondent again in a few days. I also can't seem to concentrate. I'm taking some courses and I just cannot seem to concentrate. I used to do well in school. Now it seems like I am always stressed out about something. I worry a lot about body changes.When is my body going to change? Is it changing now? What can I do about it?  I worry about my health. I feel lonely a lot. I also realize there have been some changes in my personal life but I would think by now I should be passed it.

For five years I had roommate at my other place. I then sold that place and bought another one. My previous roommate then found a boyfriend and I never see him anymore. Then my best friend of 12 years also now has a boyfriend and I hardly ever see him maybe once every three weeks. We used to talk everyday (I also don't like his boyfriend so that doesn't make it easier). Also my ex-lover/ friend got diagnosed with cancer and he moved back to Philadelphia this past December. Another friend I had is now on Crystal Meth so I don't socialize with him.

I do try and get out but Im usually shy. I work in a environment where there are 90 percent females. They talk to me and want to socialize but they are looking to date. I don't want to lead them on so I don't go out with them. I think I may be coming up with my own answer after writing this. Maybe I just need to give things more time for me to adjust to changes in my life. But hell it has been two years. I would think by now I would be ok with being alone most of the time. Instead I find myself being moody a lot. I defnitely don't want more drugs to change my moods. I will probably get off the Lexapro because it isn't helping that much and totally kills my sex drive (which isn't such a bad thing actually).

Has anyone else experienced these type of mood changes. Maybe Im just going through midlife crisis.  8)

Andy Velez:
DC, it seems like you have been having a lot of changes to get through in your life. Obviously with coping with HIV plus all of the others with different people in your life. That's a lot to deal with.

I'm wondering if you have seen a therapist or other professional like that where you can talk things out in a safe environment. Isolation kinda feeds on itself and it can all too quickly become a way of life. Have you checked out about ASO facilities in DC where you can get counseling and perhaps participate in groups?

Believe me there are others who share your problem so if you're willing to reach out a bit you may find some good company.

And keep talking to us here.

Cheers, buddy.

Life's about changes, your job is to learn to cope with them, whether you like them or not.

As Andy suggested, there are groups available through The Whitman-Walker Clinic in D.C. and the suburbs to provide support and the potential of friendship to help you through changes.  The contacts to learn more are
Scott Shaughnessy (202) 939-7671 or or Myrina McCullough (202) 939-7671 or


Mood changes, well, they happen.  I too have found that I go back and forth from feeling pain to joy and sadness to happiness.  I have been with HIV now for about 6 weeks and have enjoyed some grand suffering.  I say enjoyed because I believe that without great suffering there is no great joy.  Life is a balance and we can't have it sunny all the time.  I go from being very healthy, kind and loving towards myself and others to being very angry and destructive towards myself and others.  I will find the balance as you will too.  Surrender to the situation as there is no other options.  This is who you are, what you are and that is OK.  I run away a lot and now, I am not able to do that.  Where ever I go, I must take me with along for the ride.  It is my hope that though understanding and love and compassion a liberation will be discovered.  I know that I cause my own suffering and that I am responsible and accountable for my actions and non actions.  I have tried (and continue) do deflect my responsibilities on others by either placing my happiness or unhappiness in the hands of others, material things, drugs, etc.  But in the end, when my mind is quite and I have the moments of respect and love for myself... well, all is OK.  HIV or not.  Be kind to yourself and love yourself. 

I don't have many friends and I tend to not stay in a place long enough to make any lasting relationships.  I sometimes resent this, but it is my choice.  Point is, you have to always be your best friend, you must support YOU and you must LOVE you!  Hard to do sometimes when you are against the wall, but it is the truth. 

"Life's about changes, your job is to learn to cope with them, whether you like them or not."

WOW that sounded very supportive  8). I have done very well with changes I think. I workout 3 x week ,not addicted to illegal drugs, or alcohol ,have my own place actually this is my third place I have bought and sold without help from anyone, work full-time job, gone to school,  treat others well and have done all of this while dealing with homophobia, racism and Hiv. Considering all of this I think I have done quite well with coping with lifes changes.   But I do appreciate the feedback. Actually Im feeling better today. Thanks for the info.  8)


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