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One Tough Month Later...

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I just stumbled across this forum.

It's a month since I tested positive.

I'm holding up well, being a naturally optimistic person. Luckily, my early test results suggest I won't need to start treatment yet, and the doctor says I'm very healthy.

But I'm also having a really hard time:

I don't know anyone who's positive (even though I'm an out gay man). I'm desperate for someone to talk to - someone who can relate and who knows what I am going through.

The one or two friends I've told have been great, but I can't help but feel I'm burdening them when I talk to them. I know everything about my life has changed. I wish there was some guidance as to what I should do. I'm mostly alright but keeping in good spirits is tough.

Also, my boyfriend is negative. The relationship is fairly new (less than a year) but we are very much in love. I first assumed we'd break up, since I can't possibly put him at risk. But he's been very loving and all-round great. As a result, there are a lot of complicated emotions (gratitude, love, relief, worry...)

But the very first time we worked up to having sex since the news, the condom broke. This freak incident (never happened to either of us before, but had to happen now) made us realize even "safer sex" may not be as easy as we desperately hoped. Since then I can feel him withdraw slightly, become more tentative. The strain is weighing on us. That this is happening when I finally have fallen in love (after a long long time) feels so... unfair. I don't know how I'm going to get through this.

Matty the Damned:

Welcome to AIDSmeds. As is traditional in these cases, let me say that I'm sorry you had to join us but I'm glad you found us all the same. Welcoming a new member is a bittersweet thing.

As you've discovered being poz can be an isolating state, even if you're gay. One of the neat things about our online family is that you relax and socialise, make friends, bitch and whine all from the comfort of your computer desk.

I'd encourage you to peruse our Lessons section to learn more about what is happening and may well happen to you. You'll find the relevant links in the Welcome Thread at the top of this Forum page. Also you might like to read our Living With and Off Topic Forums where we conduct a lot of our business.

As for your partner and the busted rubber, I'd advise you and your sweetie to talk to your HIV doctor about Post Exposure Prophylaxis or PEP. It's too late to have PEP as a result of that incident (PEP must commence within 72 hours of the exposure) and it's very unlikely that your beau has been infected but you should get some info in case of future mishaps.

Fondest regards,


Matty is one great guy, I concur with his advice. Best of luck to you, and you have come to the right place.


--- Quote from: CallmeBjorn on September 16, 2007, 10:08:38 PM ---The one or two friends I've told have been great, but I can't help but feel I'm burdening them when I talk to them. I know everything about my life has changed. I wish there was some guidance as to what I should do. I'm mostly alright but keeping in good spirits is tough.

--- End quote ---

Hi Bjorn

I wish there was guidance too, but after going through one crisis after another during the past 10 years and finally tested positive recently I now realize that while others can be supportive and understanding, on one but ourselves can be our own guides to lead us.

I have the same feeling about "burdening" my friends at first and I found myself kept apologizing to the them all the time, until one said to me, "well, I fully expect you to act in kind when I need help!", and the other reminded me that I was being very supportive to him a few years ago when his boyfriend committed suicide because of HIV-induced depression. So, that's what friends are for! Give and take.

I am also getting a lot of help from a support group and the trained nurses in a local clinic (I have known them for over 10 years now.. sidebar is that I am also a caregiver to someone who's been poz for over 10 years now), and I will urge you to do the same. When I called the support group I asked to talk to a peer counsellor, and the two sessions I have with him and a social worker have been extremely helpful.

Best wishes, Shaun

Hello CallmeBjorn,

You have found a family here, that can get you through those rough days and challenges.
I am in a monogamous relationship, going on 4 years with my partner. We both went for a test, just as you did, in the beginning, and I am POZ, he is NEG.
After the dust settled with the news, we talked and talked over and over. We even went to couples therapy. The therapy wasn't pertaining to a bad relationship, or lack of love, it dealt with both our fears.Even before our test, we practiced safe sex, so that was dealt with from the start.
I had a fear of a mishap occurring, and God forbid giving him HIV, and he had his fears, equally, of getting it.
With time, and dedication, we both evolved from that state of mind, and now are on another level.
I am not sure how long you are with your partner, but, the news came to my relationship in it's infancy, which was very very stressing to it.
He could have said, "this isn't for me, I can't deal with it", but HE DIDN'T, he stood by my side, going with me to my doctor, learning, reading up on it, etc.
Both he and I had to do alot of work, which is and was worth it.
By all means, if you want to chat, via email, you are welcome to do so.
Be well, best of luck, health and happiness.


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